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Living Without Fear - Facing the Fear of Being Left Out | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

• 0:14
  Welcome, my dear friend, to the new solo episode of Living
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  Without Fear. I'm Esther Berkey, your host
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  from Switzerland, and I'm so grateful you're here, taking
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  this time for yourself to grow, to feel, to breathe and to
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  remember that you are not alone. Today I want to talk about
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  something that still feels a little bit embarrassing for me
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  to share, but that's exactly why I know it needs to be said.
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  Because the moment we find too small or too ridiculous to talk
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  about are often the ones that carry the biggest truth.
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  It happened last Saturday, my favorite day of the week.
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  At 8:00 in the morning, I was in the swimming hall with my
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  swimming club. We trained for two hours and as
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  always, afterward we met upstairs in the coffee on the
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  second floor. We sat around a big long table
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  drinking coffee. Someone had brought cake.
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  Usually this is one of the highlights of my week, being
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  together, laughing, connecting after the swim.
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  But this Saturday was different. I had just come back from Egypt
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  after two intense weeks with my two sons.
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  The vacation was wonderful, but I was tired and exhausted from
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  the long training with not much sleep.
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  My body felt heavy, my mind slow.
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  I came to the table together with another woman, and somehow
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  I ended up at the very end of the table.
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  And then it started, this quiet, painful story in my head.
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  I looked around, saw the others chatting and felt like I didn't
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  belong. I thought, they are not talking
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  to me because I missed the competition last week.
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  They've all been together and I'm no longer part of it.
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  A woman I had shared a room with during our swim track in Turkey
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  was sitting opposite me, talking animatedly with someone else,
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  and she didn't look at me once. And instead of just accepting
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  that maybe she was tired too, or caught in her own flow, I
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  started to shrink inside. I felt wrong, unwanted, not
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  interesting enough. And then came that old voice in
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  my head, the one that says you should do something, you should
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  talk, you should connect, you're being weird, you're not lovable
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  if no one talks to you. It sounds ridiculous now,
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  doesn't it? Such a small or ordinary scene,
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  sitting around the table with people after swimming.
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  And yet it hits me so deeply because in that moment I judged
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  myself. I didn't allow myself to just
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  be. And The funny thing is, I
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  suddenly realized I've often done the same to others.
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  There were times when I was the one deeply engaged in a
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  conversation and didn't even notice the person sitting
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  quietly beside me. So in a strange way, I felt
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  punished by my own behaviour, like life was showing me how it
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  feels to be unseen. I wanted to get out of that
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  feeling so badly. When the conversation round me
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  finally opened a little, I joined in.
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  But still it felt forced. My ego whispered, you're not
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  good enough, you're not leading the conversation.
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  You are not the one others listen to.
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  And that's when I felt most ridiculous, realizing how much I
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  still want to matter, to be seen, to feel part of something.
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  Afterward, I biked home, called a friend just to feel connection
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  again, and it helped. But I also knew I needed to look
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  deeper. Because I think we all have
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  these moments, don't we? Moments when no one talks to us,
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  when we feel invisible, when we look around and see others
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  laughing, connecting, and wonder what's wrong with us, We start
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  building stories in our minds about being unwanted, too quiet,
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  too boring, too different. And the longer we sit in
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  silence, the louder these stories become.
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  But here's what I've come to understand.
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  Those stories are not the truth. They're just old fears returning
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  fears of rejection. Fears of not being enough, fears
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  we learned long ago when love felt conditional.
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  So what can we do in such moments?
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  How can we navigate them with grace instead of collapsing into
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  self judgement? First, give yourself permission
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  to to be tired. You don't owe anyone your
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  energy. Sometimes your body and your
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  soul simply need rest and silence.
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  You're not strange for that, you're human.
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  Second, don't believe the first story your mind tells.
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  The story They don't like me or I don't belong is really true.
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  Often people are simply caught up in their own world or just as
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  insecure as you are. Third, what's your inner
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  dialogue? When your mind says you're doing
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  something wrong, try to gently answer no.
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  I'm just being me. That simple act of compassion
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  changes everything. 4th Include others when you can.
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  If you notice someone else sitting quietly, look at them.
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  Smile or ask something small. Sometimes the connection you're
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  longing for begins with you giving what you crave. 5th and
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  maybe most important, don't shame yourself for wanting
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  connection. It's not weakness, it's what
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  makes us human. Wanting to belong doesn't make
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  you needy, it makes you alive. And maybe there's also a
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  beautiful invitation hidden inside this uncomfortable
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  moments. They invite us to meet ourselves
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  without distraction, without validation.
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  They teach us to sit with our own presence and realize even
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  when no one looks at me, I'm still here, still enough, still
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  home. Being true to ourselves doesn't
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  mean we always feel confident or radiant.
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  Sometimes being true means admitting I feel lonely right
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  now. I wish someone would talk to me.
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  And not judging ourselves for that.
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  That's where the healing begins, when we can sit with our
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  discomfort and still whisper to ourselves, it's OK, I still love
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  you, you're doing fine. So next time you find yourself
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  at that big table, or in any situation where connection seems
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  out of reach, remember you don't have to prove your worth by
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  speaking, smiling or performing. Your presence is enough.
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  Even in silence. You belong.
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  And before I go today, I want to tell you something from my
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  heart. Many of you have been listening
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  to me for a long time, following my stories, my reflections, my
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  journey with fear and with learning to live true to myself.
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  And maybe something in you is ready to shift to.
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  If you feel stuck, if you feel trapped in the same pattern of
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  fear, self doubt or people pleasing, I'd love to help you.
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  This is why I offer one-on-one coaching sessions where we can
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  talk openly about whatever holds you back.
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  You can free yourself by talking about things you never dare to
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  talk about before in a safe space, without judgement, just
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  honesty and love. You'll find the link in the bio
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  to book a free coaching call with me.
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  It's your chance to take the first gentle step toward
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  freedom. Freedom from fear, from old
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  stories, from everything that keeps you from living as your
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  truest self. Because that's what all my
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  podcast episodes are really about.
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  Becoming free, living without fear, and loving yourself even
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  in the quiet moments when you don't feel seen.
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  Thank you, my dear listener, for being here, for walking beside
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  me with open hearts. If this episode touched you,
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  share it with someone who might need to hear it today.
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  Until next time, be gentle with yourself.
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  You are never alone and remember your worth doesn't depend on how
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  others see you, but on how softly you can see yourself.