Latest / Bomb Life / Unhealed Trauma Doesn’t Stay Quiet with Kevin Hughes | EP310

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Unhealed Trauma Doesn’t Stay Quiet with Kevin Hughes | EP310 · Bomb Life

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You've got to talk to someone.
0:01
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't want to do EMDR, you want to read a book, try something, start something different today.
0:06
[SPEAKER_00]: So tomorrow you're not waking up, trying this thing, but as you know, with your fitness journeys there, I can't run, we'll go outside and walk, you know, try something.
0:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to do that, and you have to get help for doing that, because think about wherever age listener you are out there.
0:22
[SPEAKER_00]: How many days have passed that you've been doing the same thing, expecting different results?
0:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
0:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not going to snap your fingers and go on one walk, talk to one therapist, or go to one spiritual advisor or church service, and all of a sudden, to not a dozen.
0:36
[SPEAKER_00]: It's mental and spiritual and physical health is a journey, non-adestination.
0:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the Bond Life Podcast where fitness, vines, and real talk collide.
1:00
[SPEAKER_02]: This is it just about workouts.
1:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about transforming your body, mind, and life.
1:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Get ready for unfiltered conversations, expert advice, and the motivation you need to level up in every way.
1:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey everyone, welcome to the Bomb Life podcast.
1:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I am Melissa Volga, your host.
1:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the show.
1:31
[SPEAKER_02]: If you are brand new to the show, welcome.
1:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited that you have finally found us.
1:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you're returning listener, welcome back.
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: The show isn't
1:39
[SPEAKER_02]: possible without all of you guys listening.
1:42
[SPEAKER_02]: As always, please rate and review this podcast.
1:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I always say that at the end, I'm like, I'm going to say it that'd be getting this time.
1:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So please rate and review.
1:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Five stars if you feel appropriate and leave a review.
1:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It does a lot of things for this show.
1:54
[SPEAKER_02]: It's like you leaving me a huge tip in the tip jar.
1:56
[SPEAKER_02]: If you can believe it, which I cannot, in his February of 2006, so let's kind of recap the year so far, which means January, sit down and really ask yourself, okay, how's it going?
2:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you show up?
2:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you fall off track?
2:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you start looking into more about how self-confidence self-worth?
2:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Things that you're dealing with at work?
2:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Things that you're dealing with your macros, and your food, your workouts, your intensity level, your consistency.
2:23
[SPEAKER_02]: how all of those are impacting your fitness journey because they all do today's guest, which we will get to in such a good episode, today's guest talks about a tripod and having the three legs, the physical emotional and mental part of life and part of your fitness journey.
2:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And if one of those is off, if one of them is missing, if one is smaller or shorter and you're not putting in the effort into the tripod, you will have a problem.
2:47
[SPEAKER_02]: You will not be able to stand and succeed.
2:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So before we get any further into this year, sit down with yourself and have a real discussion and find out where you're at with that.
2:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And one of the big things with us being the month of love and focusing on that, not just always like love for other people, but love for yourself, real self-confidence.
3:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I really want you to sit down and take the time to find out where you're at with that.
3:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Figure out am I loving myself in the way that I need to and I not sounds cheesy, whatever like yeah, I love me But are you really showing up for yourself in the gym in the way that you deserve are you getting the help To do that in the way that you deserve.
3:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you going to therapy?
3:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you know that you have issues and problems, maybe in your relationship, or just, you know, individually, and it's time to get help, that is ways that you love yourself.
3:37
[SPEAKER_02]: That is how you show up, that is how you improve your confidence.
3:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not all about just getting a sex pack.
3:43
[SPEAKER_02]: It's about setting boundaries and saying, no, when things don't feel good and not putting up with bullshit anymore.
3:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is really important to have an understanding because
3:54
[SPEAKER_02]: when you can take time for your own self-reflection and really look in that mirror and get honest with yourself about what needs to change, you're going to be able to identify what's holding you back.
4:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Why haven't I before?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And today's episode's all about kind of trauma and moving through that and really seeing how if you've had some childhood trauma going or in, you know, in your teens or early in life, or even less month.
4:18
[SPEAKER_02]: It will stay stuck in your body and then you will stay stuck in other ways.
4:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You will not grow.
4:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You may succeed in work.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You may be super successful.
4:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You may have a good high ping job.
4:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You might be doing okay in your relationship.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You might be great at fitness.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You might have a body that you really like.
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[SPEAKER_02]: However, what are the other two legs that your life look like?
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[SPEAKER_02]: You might have this great body, but your marriage is falling apart.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Your kids hate you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: or you're doing really good at fitness, but you don't have a good job, and you're going to lose it, and you are totally falling off track in that area.
4:51
[SPEAKER_02]: We want everything to line up, do some self-reflection.
4:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Is there any trauma in your life that's impacting you still today?
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[SPEAKER_02]: And that's what we dive in today with Kevin Hughes.
5:00
[SPEAKER_02]: He's an Amazon bestselling author, as well as a winner of the Literary Titan Gold Award.
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[SPEAKER_02]: and the American Writing Award.
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[SPEAKER_02]: He's been featured on the Spotlight Network with Logan Crawford, and the home from here podcast with John Burton.
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[SPEAKER_02]: He is recovering optimist, which I just love that title and a mental health advocate.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Kevin was born into poverty and was severely
5:24
[SPEAKER_02]: abused in Lynchburg, Virginia.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Kevin is a veteran having served the United States Navy and graduated from Lynchburg University, and he's married has two daughters and resides in Eden, North Carolina.
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[SPEAKER_02]: His debut book, Socio Mom, tells his story of disassociation until his late forties, because of the abuse received by his sociopath mother, and how he overcame, survived, and now thrives.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's a crazy story, you guys.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Not when writing or working with at risk youth, Kevin loves writing time outdoors, hiking, playing golf, and working on himself, this book was written for you.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It was written to help you uncover what trauma is going on in your life, how to move forward from it, and to show you that you can literally overcome anything.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Anything.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And yes, his story is a little extreme.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Obviously, it's a great read, highly recommend it, for everyone listening.
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[SPEAKER_02]: We'll put a link to it in the show notes.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's a great read, but it also is proof for your brain that if he can go through this and he can do the work and he can realize and show up for himself, anyone can.
6:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It's possible for you too, and Kevin makes several good points in this interview about how you can't and shouldn't do this alone.
6:41
[SPEAKER_02]: If you need help in any area of your life, don't do it alone.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You're actually just kind of wasting time.
6:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Get the help you need.
6:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Read the books that will help you.
6:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Get the tools in your toolbox to be successful.
6:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So go to the show notes you guys, you're going to find links of how to get his book.
6:57
[SPEAKER_02]: How to connect with him if you want, but then also if you want to book the discovery call with me, follow on Instagram.
7:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It's Melissa Vogel.
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[SPEAKER_02]: You can send me a DM there too or you can write into the show.
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[SPEAKER_02]: It's Melissa Vogel at gmail.com and we are here to help and
7:12
[SPEAKER_02]: This again, it's a great read.
7:14
[SPEAKER_02]: It's, yes, an extreme situation, but it's going to show you that no matter what, you can overcome anything and you don't have to stay stuck.
7:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you feel like 2026, it's been years so far of like, I haven't taken much action, now's the time.
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[SPEAKER_02]: Your new year starts this February.
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[SPEAKER_02]: All right, everyone, enjoy the show.
7:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey everyone, welcome to the bomb life podcast.
7:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Today we have Kevin Hughes on Kevin, welcome to the show.
7:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, thank you for having me, great to be here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: This is going to be an interesting conversation.
7:53
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a best seller, you're a survivor.
7:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you're a mental health advocate.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I love recovering optimists too.
7:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I love that that's in your title.
8:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a little nuance, but yeah, I'm in quite a journey and just really grateful for the opportunity to put this book out into to share, hope is to let everyone realize you can overcome anything regardless of your circumstance and not just to survive or I'd say I'm a forever, because the story is a socio-mom-my story of terror truth, but more importantly, the last word triumph, because you can triumph from obstacles in your life.
8:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and that's one of the things that attracted me to having you on the show was like, we keep meeting proof and stories that you can overcome anything.
8:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Like anything is possible and so many people get stuck in their mind of like, this is terrible.
8:43
[SPEAKER_02]: This is horrible.
8:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm never going to get out of this situation or because of what happened in the past, like that affects my future and people really, really get stuck and also Kevin, people don't realize that things that they have experienced in their past, how much
8:56
[SPEAKER_02]: It impacts them today.
8:58
[SPEAKER_02]: A lot of people think like, oh, I'm over it or that happened to me when I was a kid or like, when I was in my 20s and now I'm in my 30s and my 40s, no big deal.
9:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And they don't realize like they're still carrying that with them.
9:09
[SPEAKER_02]: That is still impacting the choices that they're making today.
9:12
[SPEAKER_00]: 100% yeah and my my situation uh the mom was a diagnosed sociopath uh abuse started as an infant and I dissociated at age four from the level and intensity of abuse and kind of slept walk through life there very successful in my career thinking everything was all right but really never really connected with anybody and in a late 40s had an incident at work where someone
9:39
[SPEAKER_00]: at problems of people, but something about this person just kind of viscerally got to me.
9:44
[SPEAKER_00]: Got in trouble there, a little bit, and got into therapy and figured out all low and behold, that was just a kind of triggering person.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It reminded me of all this.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So your body in mind is there, and I started the recovery process, and the decade or so of therapy and working through all this stuff.
10:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Isn't that interesting?
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you don't realize the impact to your point there.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I truly was, I refer to myself as kind of like the Terminator, Schwarzenegger, and then movie, they're kind of a cyborg, kind of, kind of existed in mere life, wondering what to do, really didn't connect emotionally with people.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Thought I was okay, but really to walled, and so many people do get stuck, but the thing that I found interesting is people won't different in better, but they're not willing to try.
10:27
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
10:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
10:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I see that a lot in my world, too.
10:34
[SPEAKER_02]: People are always like, I want this and I want that and I know I need to get hell here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: I know I need to lose weight.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But they're not willing to put in the work.
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[SPEAKER_02]: They're not willing to do it.
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[SPEAKER_02]: But they want it.
10:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm like, your want is way up here and what you're willing to do is right here.
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[SPEAKER_02]: There's like a massive massive gap.
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[SPEAKER_02]: And that's a problem.
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[SPEAKER_02]: People don't want to admit it.
10:54
[SPEAKER_00]: it is, and they also, you know, as you see in your life as well there, they try to do it on their own and part of what I write very, you know, you will fail and measure, you know, I fail a thousand times thinking I've got this and I'm going to do it on my own, but it takes
11:10
[SPEAKER_00]: takes a willingness to change and it takes a lindenade an opening your hand and letting others help you evolve in that journey.
11:17
[SPEAKER_00]: The real life experience is right wrong and different.
11:20
[SPEAKER_00]: We all have them, but they ingrained in how we react and perform and do things in life.
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[SPEAKER_00]: In a lot of times, we don't realize that until like this until I got kind of hit across the forehead with the tuba forward work.
11:32
[SPEAKER_00]: We're now just finally decided to come back to the surface.
11:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it's interesting, too, like, I have so many questions for you about the book.
11:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And we'll dive all into that and about your child's because I'm dying to know and I'm sure listeners are too.
11:44
[SPEAKER_02]: One thing I have to point out is that I find it interesting too that when you don't heal and you don't really dive in and go from just like still being in survival mode from what you've experienced, you will keep attracting people like the people that hurt you the most, you know, like I see and it happened to me, you know,
12:08
[SPEAKER_00]: What I was trying to get away from and how I was raised and I like kept that going and I don't know, maybe you attracted that coworker too, you know, because you had no even in life, you know, it's 100% of us, I'm at first marriage while this person, you know, wasn't associate path, it had a lot of mental health and addiction issues and all that and it's again right out of life, you just kind of drawing, you know,
12:30
[SPEAKER_00]: with the environment you're brought in and we don't realize what we do and what we accept and how we don't evolve and recognize there and that coworker was a new boss and I just kind of was like that terminator.
12:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I was very good at work.
12:43
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in a fortune-fi company and consulted in and did very well and never really worried about any of those things but this person, this is their personality and come to find out there.
12:53
[SPEAKER_00]: There, you know, they're look, they were a blonde, younger like my mom, and they had this kind of, you know, my way of the highway, and I just didn't realize it, and it just struck something, but it's really when trauma is like holding a ball under the water and the ocean or the pool there, it's pushing try to come up there, and if you
13:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, at some point in time, it's going to pop up.
13:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what kind of what this is this untreated trauma.
13:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I just kind of kept plowing through, thinking I could outrun my past, really not remembering much of what's going on in my mind, protected me.
13:23
[SPEAKER_00]: But when it was ready to happen, boom, there were some signals.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't really address them.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I just kept plowing forward.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Like most people do, you're in denial.
13:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll just keep going and sooner and later, it catches up with you.
13:35
[SPEAKER_02]: It does.
13:35
[SPEAKER_02]: It does.
13:36
[SPEAKER_02]: So you've used the word sociopath a couple of times now.
13:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us what exactly is a sociopath because I'm not even sure I exactly know and something scary to my I was in a relationship one of my previous relationships once I got out and I started telling people about my experience that like what had happened and why I was trying to leave a relationship and then blew up a few people used that word and they're like,
14:03
[SPEAKER_02]: He was a sociopath and I'm like, oh, are you just throw that term around?
14:07
[SPEAKER_02]: They're like, yeah.
14:08
[SPEAKER_02]: No, really.
14:10
[SPEAKER_02]: That is like sociopath behavior and I was like, oh shit, I didn't even see that.
14:15
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm curious.
14:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, no, it is an insuciety that in narcissism and all, they're kind of loosely done.
14:21
[SPEAKER_00]: But later in life, as you read in the book, they're, you know, took her to a geriatric psychiatrist there and actually, you know, was diagnosed.
14:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm back there.
14:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But she was an extreme narcissism and a sociopath.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Basically that term, you lack empathy for others.
14:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And you only see the world through your limbs, whatever your actions are or justify by that thing in your mind.
14:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't connect the right and wrong in that.
14:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You think about people like Ted Bundy and whatever.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And all that.
14:52
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're extremely charming people, they're manipulated if they'll get and do whatever to get what they want out of life, but even to the level of violence as well, but they don't like you and I, oh my gosh, you know, I accidentally bumped into someone, I knocked someone down and I said something mean to somebody will come back around and think about, oh,
15:11
[SPEAKER_00]: you know, it has some regret or emotion.
15:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that doesn't exist in a social path.
15:16
[SPEAKER_00]: They just truly see she was a beauty queen and I school had, you know, some singing and talent and envisioned her stuff as a Hollywood would be star that it didn't happen and anything that, you know,
15:29
[SPEAKER_00]: That was the lynch you viewed life and everyone was a means to her ends there and we're a garless there where there was Uber charming someone with her looks and beauty down to the brutality of cruelty and abuse to whatever she would need to do and that's kind of the difference in sociopath.
15:46
[SPEAKER_00]: The people we'll talk about, you know, there's a tendency in all that but the difference between that and a true diagnosis so I say that loosely I've actually got that document
15:56
[SPEAKER_00]: from that geractic psychiatrist that or double board certified psychiatrists after 30 minutes with her there couldn't gave me the diagnosis and said I'm sorry but I can't treat your mom.
16:06
[SPEAKER_00]: I have transference you know basically someone a train for decades you know to do this could only handle mom for about 30 minutes and said here's your diagnosis but thanks very much I can't do anything else.
16:18
[SPEAKER_00]: That's how rough you get can be and get with stuff like that.
16:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, I have another question now like the book and your mom and he and Carver and like can you look back now and see how your mom turned into a sociopath like can you look at her childhood and because there's a lot of pretty people and you know that use it to their bandages doesn't mean they're such you know it's like oh for psych sociopath or they still have absolutely do you know what made her like
16:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I think she, yeah, she had the, the family had some history of some metal illness and she came really late in life like her, her older brother was 18 years older than her.
17:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So she was really late in life and there was different abuse and things that supposedly she would touch on in and out later in life, you know, is that
17:09
[SPEAKER_00]: The agent and dimension thing start coming in the walls come down and they start sharing a little bit.
17:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's just how she operated and it wasn't always a mean thing.
17:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll, you know, a story late in life.
17:20
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to the home I had her in to take her to the dentist because I did trust the place to take her and she was a notorious about getting fine in pain meds and things like that.
17:30
[SPEAKER_00]: So I walked and said her down walk up to the desk to check her in at the dentist and say,
17:35
[SPEAKER_00]: police who love a god, no pain pills or anything like that, whatever you do today because she has sediction issues up there.
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: What three minutes would you fix them when I walk back out?
17:43
[SPEAKER_00]: And in a lady probably your age is out there sitting hugging my mom, you know, I love you Sandra.
17:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Look to me, you said you need to be a better son and Sandra, I'm coming to see you when I love you.
17:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So in two minutes, kind of like buddhi, they're had this complete stranger in thrall and in namor with her.
17:59
[SPEAKER_00]: And now was when she was in her 70s.
18:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, it's a
18:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't even imagine when she was in her 40s or her 50s.
18:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it's a skill that works to vacilates between it.
18:09
[SPEAKER_00]: So you think sociopath and you think all people are chasing you if knives and guns, but no, it's a truly psychological gain, whatever.
18:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I think is my view of the world, whatever cost to anyone else and I'll use whatever means from good bad and ugly to obtain that without any lack of remorse.
18:28
[SPEAKER_00]: That's basically the bottom line where you lay it.
18:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad you went through that.
18:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad we kind of like covered that because I don't want people just going like, oh, okay, is my mom was like psycho.
18:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I want people to have like an understanding to it.
18:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you remember like what is your first memory as a child?
18:44
[SPEAKER_00]: you know that was like you know that this is when it started or this is when the trauma hit or the first memory and I was always stuck but went through a lot of cognitive therapy but finally that we got you know that wasn't getting anywhere and went into uh you may or you knew when your list is made being here with EMDR where is a different type of therapy that helps you know occupy the conscious mind so you can get to that so in that first session
19:09
[SPEAKER_00]: was sitting there in the room just like with you in here now knowing what's going on and we went through the process and then memory was I was like I actually couldn't breathe sitting there in the chair there I went you know in the memory was I was in a crib and she was holding the pillar over me smothering me trying to stop me from crying and
19:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I just maniacal laugh and looking around all that when I was very small and young and that was the first memory out then they spread a cascading out through the years and to wage for finally only some of these daily torture ritual things which somewhere you know one of the things was to take me into the bathroom for daily in a rituals and all that and finally that day I fought back and it just broke and I kind of caught a go to the white room
19:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I was dying no later in life, you know, the dissociative disorder.
20:00
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm, you know, it's kind of how you're brain protects you from that kind of stuff.
20:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wandered through life until we worked that out.
20:06
[SPEAKER_00]: But that first memory would have been, yeah, I mean, smothered in the bed with a pillow.
20:11
[SPEAKER_02]: When you were like later as a child, like say maybe like eight, ten, you know, now you can like really core remember.
20:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I know you said that you like disassociated, but I mean, were you still an active boy?
20:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you do sports?
20:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Did you do anything naughty that like did deserves punishment?
20:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Or did you were you really a zombie?
20:31
[SPEAKER_00]: I really just kind of existed and it was compliant.
20:35
[SPEAKER_00]: She kept me isolated and if anybody would kind of get to close, she would either charm
20:41
[SPEAKER_00]: or harm them down one way or the other, you know, go one would ever need it to kind of keep that did a lot would it's been renamed but much healthier by proxy kind of thing when I got to that age it it was a little older so it was the dock shop and taking me out I'm as poor.
20:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Help me on this poor 30 year old, you know, blind lady blue I'd lady that's you.
21:01
[SPEAKER_00]: how stuck home with a sickly boy can you run these tests?
21:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you do these catheters?
21:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you do these spinal taps and whatever and find out what's wrong?
21:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And she'd take me to those older doctors that would cave in and travel these tests.
21:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So she would, I was to answer your question.
21:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I salated.
21:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't get out much or anything up to that, you know.
21:19
[SPEAKER_00]: up up, you know, between 10 and below, it was pretty much she keep me obvious out of elementary school quite a lot, you know, and back in those days, it's not like it is today, they're, you know, people kind of kept their distance, and you didn't have technology or what a three channels and a landline, you know, that's exactly how it was, you know.
21:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Where was your dad?
21:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And where were like your grandparents, her parents and stuff?
21:41
[SPEAKER_00]: her parents had passed dad has your listeners read to the book come out with a dad figure but comes out that that really wasn't dad for me so there's a lot a lot into the book there but he was a male carrier that would get up way before you had to go to work and come home later and even he just stayed absent because the wrath of her, you know, he tried to keep his distance as well.
22:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Were they married?
22:05
[SPEAKER_00]: They were married, but she kind of just kept and controlled and manipulated him and when he get home, all you look tired, let me fix you if something and then all of a sudden he'd be asleep, you know, she'd kind of do's him later in life when you know, you know, I was an adult and that'd go into, uh,
22:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of form there.
22:22
[SPEAKER_00]: They were both this pill shop and said at home, and she was trying to dose him and OD him and you know, they just, uh, unhealthy, but he was there, but he just stayed away because she would make it hard one way or the other one.
22:35
[SPEAKER_00]: She would control him up through either her charms or drug and him and do something.
22:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's stuff like that, and he just never.
22:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But he witnessed, did he witness the abuse and things that you want to do?
22:45
[SPEAKER_00]: He didn't witness, she always was, she always did it while everyone was away while he is away at whatever.
22:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And then a lot of this was done, you know, especially when three or four on a knife point there, you know, out here, the rattle, the kitchen drawer and she'd come.
23:01
[SPEAKER_00]: So I would know.
23:03
[SPEAKER_00]: It's always in private, always staged and worked around that she stayed at home and she would try to, you know, once I started going elementary school would keep me at home a lot just enough to Yeah, and send me just enough to keep suspicion away from school and all of that, but was done at night point there.
23:20
[SPEAKER_00]: She had a the kitchen drawer.
23:22
[SPEAKER_00]: You'd hear the rattle.
23:23
[SPEAKER_00]: She would use a knife as, you know, to keep me in compliance.
23:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So I mean, I really, you didn't dare say anything.
23:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, like your mouth pulled the knife on you.
23:31
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a ninth in the kitchen drawer, I think when you were here, which you go into this rage out here, the, I could sense when it was coming, and then I'd hear if I'd run to my room, I could hear the kitchen drawer, you know, when you open a drawer, how all of all the, the cutary rattles, and then, you know, she would come and use that day and or night if she would dose that at night with whatever he would sleep through, whatever she come in at night and things.
23:53
[SPEAKER_00]: So, yeah, things about sociopaths, highly intelligent and, um, and, if you live in
23:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, work the stuff that you like, she's okay.
24:01
[SPEAKER_02]: So what age did you finally get out?
24:06
[SPEAKER_02]: What age did you finally move away, start somewhat of a life of your own?
24:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, as soon as I could, as soon as I finished high school there, I did well at high school, but, you know, was academically honored at all, but, you know, wasn't allowed to go to college, I asked about it with other friends were and said, you know, I was too sick.
24:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So we didn't have any money to do it because I was sick, you know, which didn't make sense instead work for the government for the post office, they had insurance and stuff, but so I, um,
24:34
[SPEAKER_00]: opted out and joined the Navy as soon as I could write as I graduated and got the heck out of there when in the nuclear engineering program got out and served for a while there after but 18 year old kid after being in a year or two realized and being in a steel tube there with all these, you know, not knowing what was wrong and he ang's out.
24:50
[SPEAKER_00]: He's ahead that probably wasn't good.
24:51
[SPEAKER_00]: So he opted out and got out.
24:53
[SPEAKER_00]: got out of sticker and then got into work, you know, and put myself through college on my own while working a couple jobs and things there.
25:01
[SPEAKER_00]: But as soon as I could get out, I got out right at 18.
25:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And then when was the first time that you realized that you really had trauma and issues?
25:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Was it with that boss encounter?
25:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Was that?
25:15
[SPEAKER_00]: At the time of the boss encounter not right about it, I typically, you know, and not the gendered albed guide out there like, oh, I'm a skull power through this.
25:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, I'm gonna read books.
25:24
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna go, come across therapy like I do my consulting job and things and I'm gonna kick it and win and get back on it.
25:32
[SPEAKER_00]: But as I started into that therapy process and these some of these things, these memories started to peek and come out during that process.
25:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I was told I needed to get some counseling, you know, hey, because I wasn't, didn't do anything really bad, but I was just, you know, not rude and talking behind the back of that boss there.
25:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't know why it wasn't my character.
25:50
[SPEAKER_00]: They called me and he called me out on it and I'm like,
25:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I really don't know why I think something's wrong, but then when we got into the therapy which I went in with, oh, I'll just how do this and get back on track in a couple weeks?
26:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It started to come forward then the memories and things and especially with the EMDR.
26:06
[SPEAKER_00]: EMDR, you know, is very powerful.
26:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, really, you were sitting in that room.
26:11
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I'm talking to that therapist, and I'm safe.
26:13
[SPEAKER_00]: But I truly was feeling like I couldn't catch my breath.
26:17
[SPEAKER_00]: The therapist had a stop and say, are you okay?
26:19
[SPEAKER_00]: You look like you can't breathe.
26:20
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, there's so that's where that happened.
26:23
[SPEAKER_00]: Probably within a year or so of that incident.
26:26
[SPEAKER_00]: let me say back probably two thousand eight or nine there so that's all this started about ten years of therapy after that and then during that time with therapy got better with that found my mental balance a little bit spiritual and then I say got as a sense of humor because then I got to call that
26:42
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they're they're wall and their basement fell in because the house was in neglect and I went down there and they were both just sitting pill shopping just out of it all day and I had to become their primary caregiver and find somewhere for them to live and and go through that journey with them which in the book is a journey in itself there trying to you know one I did at this point remembered all this so you're carrying all that emotion of my gosh, what I'm doing, what's the right thing to do
27:12
[SPEAKER_00]: mode to get through all of that and then realize that that wasn't working actually had to go back for a second round of EMDR about dealing with all that stuff not about the childhood memories but just a right when you have trouble but you don't develop some of the normal skills and things a lot of people doing a healthy environment and family so it's in a process.
27:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, Bob and my fam, I have a question for you.
27:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you the kind of person who crushes it at work?
27:37
[SPEAKER_02]: It shows up for your family checks off every to-do list.
27:40
[SPEAKER_02]: But when it comes to your fitness, your energy and your confidence, it feels like something's missing.
27:44
[SPEAKER_02]: You might be doing the workouts listening to all the right podcasts.
27:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, you are listening to this one.
27:48
[SPEAKER_02]: But deep down, you know you're just kind of going through the motions, and you're done playing small in this area of life.
27:53
[SPEAKER_02]: That's exactly why I created FitMine Coaching.
27:56
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28:01
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28:07
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28:20
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28:27
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28:28
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28:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You should have it all.
28:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's go.
28:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Click the link in the show notes and book your free call with me today.
28:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's build the strongest, most confident version of you inside and out.
28:37
[SPEAKER_02]: you're ready for more and I'm ready to show you how back to the show.
28:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I was just talking about this with someone the other day and tell me if you've experienced this too that people have experienced trauma like this and everything that we're talking about you become so aware of small, little changes like you can notice little changes in someone's look or the mood or they enter a house and like the noise is different.
29:02
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not
29:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It triggered my memory or of this topic when you said about the drawer and opening and hearing that noise and people will always ask to like, are you mad at me are we okay and they're constantly asking you needing that reassurance because.
29:19
[SPEAKER_02]: their brain picks up on such small shifts and changes of like, oh god, here it comes, the tornado is coming and people don't realize they still do that as adults because of what they experienced before and it's not someone that, you know, is like broken, they just need a lot of research, they pick up on everything.
29:39
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a lot, you know, it's triggers and even micro triggers and it's it's a lot.
29:44
[SPEAKER_00]: It started as a child, like you said, I could have to sense and know what's going on, you know, to try to, you know, I couldn't really protect myself as so much, but I learned from that, but also right about the book because of that awareness, I think that's what helped me be successful in my career because I learned to read and sense people in a room.
30:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Complitative sales and some things like that being able to negotiate and see and read things so But it also as I started into this recovery process.
30:11
[SPEAKER_00]: There's still to this day.
30:12
[SPEAKER_00]: There's little things that not even allowed noise or a drawer But it can be a subtle subtle thing in the distance or for something like that.
30:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a call micro triggers that really Consens you almost into a little bit of a spiral there and at hyper vigilance about that.
30:26
[SPEAKER_00]: So there is a lot of work in therapy and people
30:28
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be raised by associate path.
30:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want any second outer of trauma can have the same lingered impact on your body in your mind is the things I've went through, but you do have to address those things in those triggers.
30:41
[SPEAKER_00]: They can be helpful, but they also can really hinder your life.
30:45
[SPEAKER_00]: Once I reconnected from that whole Terminator mode kind of stay and just plow and forward and started living in the present and feeling it, you really have to watch that.
30:56
[SPEAKER_00]: There's certain days and things that all of a sudden I have to, you know, I'm in a grocery store and picking up a head of lettuce here, what's going on?
31:04
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was a child crying three hours over that I really didn't focus on, but you hear that.
31:09
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, so to your point,
31:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you gotta work through that, it work with someone on that.
31:14
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not something you really never goes away.
31:18
[SPEAKER_00]: It's ingrained into you just like other traits in a normal.
31:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and it impacts how you interact with your significant other, your kids, the partner that you choose, how you perform at work, whether or not you hit your fitness schools, like that's a big thing too, is I don't think people realize that like when you feel you're not worthy of something when you've been put down before in a relationship or by a parent, like that like in grains and then beds in your mind of like how you feel about yourself, like that, like imprints on you of like yourself worth.
31:49
[SPEAKER_02]: And then people don't see later,
31:51
[SPEAKER_02]: how that impacts them just showing up to the gym.
31:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, well, how do you feel about yourself?
31:56
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you feel about your own self-love?
31:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Because if you don't see your wordiness and love yourself, what makes you think that you're gonna have the power to get up, go do a hard workout and pick the right foods when you don't feel that you're worth that activity.
32:08
[SPEAKER_00]: 100% 100% and either fall into that or I kind of fell into more because I didn't have control that I couldn't control that situation.
32:18
[SPEAKER_00]: I went out into life that I was going to win and kick but in whatever idea that I was super successful award-winning at work.
32:26
[SPEAKER_00]: You talk about working out
32:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm 61 years old.
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I work out of a group of guys boot camp style 530 every just about every day every week and most of them are half my age and I'm out there running and gunning and doing with them and all that trying to compete, but it's a mindset that you have to make a choice and either
32:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Either you're a victim or you're not there and I've always chose to thrive forward there but it takes more even in fitness goals, you know, you can't just do it on your own, you've got to consult people like yourself and work with and that and anything in your life there because there's the physical, the mental and emotional call and the tripod of life there so to speak there, tripod is three legs that holds up a camera or something.
33:07
[SPEAKER_00]: If one of them is out of balance, it doesn't matter how great you're doing in the other two.
33:11
[SPEAKER_00]: you have to keep a balance in that there.
33:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what I strive for today.
33:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
33:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, and I got to imagine writing this book has just strengthened all three of those likes.
33:21
[SPEAKER_02]: But, I mean, you're brave to write this book into share your journey and your story with everyone, like, and you just spill it.
33:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you're just like, this is my life.
33:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
33:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I really wrestled with them, a list of the, you know, and a five and a half years you're doing that started out, you know, when COVID don't go all the therapy and all that and still, with after mom passed, had this lingering just.
33:47
[SPEAKER_00]: been figured out there, so I did some zoom calls with someone that does some ghost writing all that, trying to talk this stuff out a little bit.
33:54
[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't intention of making a book, but after going through this, she's just like, Kevin, you need to put this out there, and I'm like, yeah, but I'm like, I'm like, I'm six years old.
34:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I really want to put as a guy, all my stuff out in the street about all these vulnerabilities.
34:07
[SPEAKER_00]: really reflected a rest of what got about that and realized, you know, it does mean no good to carry that to my grave and all that.
34:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And too many people in life adults, especially men, want to whiteknuckle their way home, through life and everything.
34:20
[SPEAKER_00]: And I just said, let's put this out there and hopefully will help others bring awareness that they can overcome whatever they are.
34:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And God really good feedback and great reviews and things on good reach from folks at the field in scene.
34:32
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's my mission in this is to
34:34
[SPEAKER_00]: put that out there to let everyone know that you can.
34:37
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was a struggle.
34:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It did.
34:40
[SPEAKER_00]: I rastled back and forth.
34:42
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe the time I published and doing this there.
34:44
[SPEAKER_00]: What am I doing here?
34:45
[SPEAKER_00]: And still, people you know, they love you know, but they kind of give you that look.
34:49
[SPEAKER_00]: And because you have that discernment, we talked about earlier there, you can kind of sense that always.
34:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's kind of you.
34:57
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's you.
34:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And when everybody, you know,
34:59
[SPEAKER_00]: The grander scheme, if it helps, one person will do different in better and get unstuck and move forward, and it'll live the life that they're supposed to live is worth it.
35:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It truly is when you're out with like working out with the guys or people at work now and stuff I'm really curious like can you pick up on other people now because you have such awareness of your own journey Can you pick up on other people that have gone yet?
35:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think you know, it's a power.
35:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You know a joke like spider man has that's like spider Man as a spotty sense about stuff.
35:33
[SPEAKER_00]: I was a you think
35:34
[SPEAKER_00]: During this recovery period and while I was dealing mom and dad, I've crammed my faith and I was a youth leader there.
35:39
[SPEAKER_00]: Very unconventional youth leader and I could walk in the room and just since I write about this in the book, trouble that's going on with someone.
35:47
[SPEAKER_00]: And today, in the same thing with the group of guys, I can just, you know,
35:51
[SPEAKER_00]: and with working out with them almost two years now and I remember the first time coming out just you know here's two or three guys you know the radar is going on like whoa you know didn't ask or whatever but you learn to figure out over time but you know I can sense that discernment is super strong on that there sometimes to the point of detriment and distraction there because you have to dial that down and just kind of but it's definitely there for sure
36:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I know I can relate like I put me in a room full of like five women and within a couple minutes.
36:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I am like, oh, I can sense what you have been through or you have daddy issues or this happened or, you know, yeah, you couldn't you can pick up on things a lot.
36:32
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you see this impacting like people not working through all of this, you know, now that you have this book out.
36:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You're very successful, you're helping others, you know, you, you have awareness of all of this.
36:45
[SPEAKER_02]: What do you see is like one of the biggest impacts that on dealt with trauma is having on our society.
36:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's it's crippling and instead of a couple of ways, let's say you either you when you don't deal with it, you either self-medicated and that's the addiction of all forms, whether it's drugs, alcohol, food, sex, you name it or see some meaning,
37:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's in the doctrine of Dr. Mr. Mr. Ms. Dinosaur.
37:15
[SPEAKER_00]: You're just ADHD, or you got anxiety, you got all this, I'll take these medications, and you never deal with the root cause.
37:22
[SPEAKER_00]: And where it happens to societies, people get stuck in plateau, and they're unhealthy environment.
37:30
[SPEAKER_00]: It's just a revolving door of negativity, meteorography, unhappiness,
37:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
37:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Unforfilledness, you just, if you don't deal with it, it will deal with you.
37:43
[SPEAKER_00]: Period.
37:43
[SPEAKER_00]: That's, that's, you know, your listeners there.
37:45
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to and I've tried and whatever, but, uh, and a little gesture I do, what I just do with the kids and all that.
37:51
[SPEAKER_00]: If you take your hand and you squeeze it as tight as you can for like five seconds and you feel how hard that is.
37:56
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you open it up and you say, wow, you feel the blood come out of your fingers, what else do you?
38:01
[SPEAKER_00]: This is you trying to do it on your own and how you just go through life, uptight and growing up.
38:05
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you open up in that feeling, when you open yourself up and try different better and do other things, you'll find it.
38:11
[SPEAKER_00]: But from our society, look at the level of addiction, unsuccessful relationships, you know.
38:18
[SPEAKER_00]: all these things that it's just stopped.
38:21
[SPEAKER_00]: It's an epidemic of that and there's no playbook for this there and that's where all people are realized that you just got to try something different and better.
38:31
[SPEAKER_00]: In our F3 group, we talk about coming out and fitness journey, we talk about just today get 1% better.
38:37
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and if you take that into life to just try something different, you know, 1% trust, one thing different and move.
38:44
[SPEAKER_00]: But society is in my mind crippled.
38:48
[SPEAKER_00]: And with youth that are out with these $1,000 passifiers, I used to call them.
38:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, the adults, we got all we have parents that were raised in this generation on those $1,000 passifiers that are passing at onto them.
38:59
[SPEAKER_00]: So the ability to speak, communicate, to advocate for self, to grow and learn.
39:05
[SPEAKER_00]: You're being continually isolated there and then coming out of COVID as well, that's just put another step backwards in that.
39:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think it's really, and that's part of my reason I've pushed forward.
39:16
[SPEAKER_00]: I really want people to realize you've got to step out of yourself there that this isn't your friend.
39:21
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't building a relationship or talking to someone.
39:24
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to learn skills, love yourself, talk about, you know, you love your neighbor.
39:31
[SPEAKER_00]: As you love yourself, well, there's so many people that don't love themselves, so they can't even get out of their own way to start a healthy relationship.
39:38
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no.
39:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think this is it's such a good conversation because there are so many people that are like, I don't understand why I'm stuck.
39:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't under, you know, it must be my hormones.
39:50
[SPEAKER_02]: It must be because of this or I just, I've got a bad knee.
39:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So I can't do anything.
39:54
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, and there's so many things people are like, I don't get it.
39:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I've tried everything and then they take
39:58
[SPEAKER_02]: the fast track or they cheat, you know, essentially they want quick, easy now and trauma is for so many people it is one of the components that will keep you stuck in life.
40:10
[SPEAKER_02]: It'll keep you from losing weight.
40:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It'll it'll prevent you from doing everything with my clients.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I am always talking about like I want you to think of your whole body is like these clear tubes right like one down the middle of the side that there's all these clear tubes and if you have shit in there that is like clogging them up, you won't have good flow.
40:28
[SPEAKER_02]: and you won't lose weight.
40:30
[SPEAKER_02]: You will not progress, and I have other people's time and time again.
40:33
[SPEAKER_02]: They're like, do you really think everything going on over here with my mom or like my partner, whatever?
40:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you think that's really impacting me and keeping me from losing weight or not really dealing with what happened in the past?
40:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like absolutely just because all their coaches and trainers are talking about.
40:48
[SPEAKER_02]: It doesn't mean that that's not a thing and not truth.
40:51
[SPEAKER_00]: 100% that you just get stuck and you don't know how to get out of your own way there.
40:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, really good.
40:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was I cited in the book here, but it was a survey done the World Health Council.
41:04
[SPEAKER_00]: And it says it as adults over 70% have them had some sort of traumatic event in their life.
41:11
[SPEAKER_02]: 70%.
41:13
[SPEAKER_00]: over the past some sort of traumatic, I mean, and it doesn't mean like what my journey of 10 layers, you could write in just a moment, but that 70% has had it and hasn't treated it.
41:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're just, that's what submitted me for moving forward on this.
41:29
[SPEAKER_00]: The people are just in to keep trying whatever that quick fax or this, this workout order, I'll drink more, I'll take this, I'll do that.
41:38
[SPEAKER_00]: And it gets mixed diagnosed, but it's that trauma root there that's seven out of ten people of what's going on with wrong of people is foundational in some sort of unresolved trauma that you haven't just, that mean it's some big thing like we're talking about.
41:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it's all of, but it's just,
41:53
[SPEAKER_00]: I just ignored and had that ball that I'm holding over the water and the pool there.
41:58
[SPEAKER_00]: It may only be a smaller ball, but I'm still holding it down there and I haven't let it come to the surface and look and dealt with it and set it aside.
42:05
[SPEAKER_00]: That's unresolved trauma.
42:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it's definitely real and fitness in all areas, relationships, it's epidemicically impact and society, in my opinion.
42:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, if you could leave people with one like piece of advice, one maybe someone's listening, that's like, yeah, I had been through some stuff, but I never thought it was really impacting me that much.
42:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And now hearing this interview, like, holy crap.
42:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But what do I do now?
42:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Look, what would you be your advice be to that person?
42:34
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, a couple things.
42:36
[SPEAKER_00]: One, regardless of your past or current situation, our circumstance, you can overcome anything.
42:44
[SPEAKER_00]: If you won't different it better, you have to try a different it better.
42:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Number two, you absolutely cannot overcome on your own.
42:55
[SPEAKER_00]: Get over that myth.
42:56
[SPEAKER_00]: You can get so far with it, but you're just kidding yourself and waste in time and years of your life and the people around you.
43:03
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to seek out and get help.
43:06
[SPEAKER_00]: And by that means try something different in better.
43:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Middle physical and the spiritual try something different in better.
43:13
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have a K one way or the other.
43:15
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a Christian, but you can be whatever spirituality means to you.
43:18
[SPEAKER_00]: Middle means.
43:19
[SPEAKER_00]: You got to talk to someone.
43:20
[SPEAKER_00]: If you don't want to do EMDR, you want to read a book, try something, start something different today.
43:25
[SPEAKER_00]: So tomorrow you're not waking up trying and just saying with you, as you know, with your fitness journeys there, I can't run.
43:31
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll go outside and walk, you know, try something.
43:35
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to do that and you have to get help for doing that because think about wherever age listener you are out there.
43:41
[SPEAKER_00]: How many days have passed that you've been doing the same thing, expecting different results?
43:46
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
43:46
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not going to snap your fingers and go on one walk, talk to one therapist or go to one spiritual advisor or church service, and all of a sudden to die, doesn't it?
43:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Mental and spiritual and physical health is a journey, not a destination.
44:01
[SPEAKER_00]: You're not going to have some magic, whatever they're.
44:03
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's kind of my, I know it's a little long-winded, but that's really perfect.
44:11
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't overcome and why I wrote this.
44:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Not many people were raised by a sociopath for 10 years and then, you know, struggled through life and had to come back and care for them to their dying days.
44:21
[SPEAKER_00]: But you've had something, seven out of 10 people have had something.
44:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Get some help and deal with it and live the life you deserve.
44:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't be a victim.
44:30
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't just thrive, try up your life.
44:32
[SPEAKER_00]: We were created a thrive in life and live, not to be stuck and miserable and unhappy.
44:39
[SPEAKER_00]: You can do it.
44:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
44:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, so perfect.
44:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Kevin, this is such a blessing to have you on the show.
44:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Where can people find you?
44:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Where can they follow you?
44:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Where can they find you?
44:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Where can they get the book?
44:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Give us all the details.
44:50
[SPEAKER_02]: We'll put it in the show notes as well, too.
44:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, absolutely.
44:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Got my own website, mysocialmom.com is out there where you can.
44:59
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of content, there's articles I write about different things from advocating on mental health and other things and stuff in there, as well as links to the book.
45:07
[SPEAKER_00]: The book is on all the platforms, Barnes and Normal, Amazon, good reads, and all of those things as well.
45:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Social media, I'm out there as well, allow all the different platforms of Facebook and Instagram, Kevin, to use all of there.
45:19
[SPEAKER_00]: But always open to talk and
45:22
[SPEAKER_00]: and do that there.
45:23
[SPEAKER_00]: So some listeners, you know, we may want to think of whatever.
45:25
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have all the answers.
45:26
[SPEAKER_00]: None of us do, but just you cannot change on your own without support and help.
45:33
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're an adult, there's too much baggage and things out there that you can't unpack by yourself.
45:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Stop and get them right people.
45:40
[SPEAKER_00]: And you may get a through five there, a past five spiritual virus.
45:43
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
45:43
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter.
45:46
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you never try any of them,
45:48
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
45:48
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to put me to more.
45:49
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to wake up and look and feel the same way you did today.
45:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
45:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Exactly.
45:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god.
45:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Kevin.
45:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You're amazing.
45:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, again, we'll put everything in the show notes.
45:58
[SPEAKER_02]: You guys get the book, social mom.
46:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It everywhere.
46:01
[SPEAKER_02]: All platforms.
46:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Kevin, thank you again for coming on.
46:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And this is a true blessing.
46:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And I hope we stay in touch.
46:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And we can keep this conversation going even more.
46:10
[SPEAKER_00]: No thank you Melissa appreciate what you do and is an honor to be on and thank you for the time.
46:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes thank you everyone stay safe stay healthy until next time.
46:23
[SPEAKER_02]: The bottom-life podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only.
46:26
[SPEAKER_02]: The content shared here is not intended as medical, legal, or professional advice.
46:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Always consult with a qualified professional before making any health fitness, financial, or legal decisions.
46:34
[SPEAKER_02]: The opinions shared on this podcast are personal experiences and insight.
46:38
[SPEAKER_02]: So if you need expert guidance, go find the right professional for you.
46:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for listening.