Latest / Reading Your Own Life with Swami Larry / Why Does Spending Feel So Good, and Then So Bad?

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Why Does Spending Feel So Good, and Then So Bad? · Reading Your Own Life with Swami Larry

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Reading Your Own Life with Swami Larry.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: This first season is Money Can Buy Happiness.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're in episode eight.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why does spending feel so good and then so bad?
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: We can't talk about or improve our relationship with money without looking at spending.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's very rare to spend money without an emotion driving it.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This means that when we strive to improve our relationship with money, we have to strengthen our relationship with spending.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just about how much you spend, it's more about how and why you spend.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Consider this and ask yourself these questions.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Does spending money make you feel better?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do you use shopping as a form of stress relief?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: We've all heard of the so-called shopping therapy.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel guilty when you get home from a shopping spree?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Spending money might make you feel better, but the effect is often short-lived, unfortunately.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Shopping can't be therapy because it doesn't address the cause of what you're feeling.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: The guilt associated with spending can feel strangely necessary or familiar.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly why it deserves your attention and healing.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is neuroscience in spending.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: In its simplest form, spending activates dopamine, the brains feel good chemical.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: We experience a high from buying, especially when we shop impulsively.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: We've all felt that.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: It might be short-lived, but the effect is real.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Even the anticipation of buying something we want lights up our pleasure centers.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Anticipation often spikes more dopamine than buying itself at times.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: The high is in the hunt.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Do not mistake that high for ailment.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Spending gives us a high, which helps explain why we sometimes spend unconsciously.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're always trying to recreate that feeling, but the feeling doesn't last.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we chase it again and again and find ourselves in a never-ending cycle.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: How many times, especially as we move toward a cashless society, do we tap our card without thinking about what we're even paying for?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: When you go to supermarkets, you just automatically put things into your cart without thinking.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do you buy online because an advertisement caught your eye without considering whether you truly need or want it?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Retailers are aware of this.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: They capitalize on our unconscious spending.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Flash cells are very tempting, and I have bought things I didn't want or need.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Consider the ads that exploit our insecurities.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: The phrase selling out fast prompts us to panic by something we might not otherwise have considered.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: We react quickly, but not mindfully.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that is unconscious spending.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Even using credit cards instead of cash, and now tapping our phones to pay can create a disconnect from spending because it doesn't feel like real money.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I know I think less about each purchase now, the more I've used a tap on my phone.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I wave my phone or a piece of plastic at a machine far more than I did when I used to have to go to the bank, withdraw the money, and hand it over.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And social pressure plays its part too.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have a friend whose partner worked in a financial institution.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: She had a job, but many of her partner's closest work colleagues, wives, or girlfriends did not.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: They all looked immaculate, had undergone the latest beauty treatments, wore designer clothes, lovely jewelry, and my friend felt immense pressure to keep up.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: It led her into debt, sadness, and when the relationship fell apart, a loss of identity.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: My friend is great now.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: However, it took recognizing how far she had gone in her spending, all to become someone she wasn't, and keep up with others to finally change.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now she understands that she can spend only what she chooses for herself and no one else.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a simple fork.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can use anytime.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Witness spending seeks attention.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Nourish spending feeds a value.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, will this create a memory I'll return to?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is there meaning beyond the brand?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Or a small reflective question that helps is, would I still want this if nobody knew I owned it?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: If yes, you are already moving closer to the truth.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: So now let's talk about what happens when spending outruns the money.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Debt.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: What does the word debt conjure in your mind?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Do you shudder at the thought of high interest rates or the anxiety of juggling credit cards when trying to make ends meet?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you think of debt as something that can help you buy a home, drive a car, or grow your business?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know, in fact, both of these can be true.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Debt tends to play on the brain because it delays payment, making it easier to underestimate the actual cost of what you're spending.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I like to call the buy now pain later effect.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: You get instant gratification while pushing the cost into an unknown future.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: What we do know is that the pain does not disappear, it is simply postponed.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a pattern many people may recognize.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: We borrow money because we want or we need something.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: The interest rate is high.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So no matter how long we pay, the balance barely moves.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, after making only the minimum payment, we don't have enough income left.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we borrow more to tide ourselves over.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're carrying more debt than you feel is manageable right now, it's wise to seek guidance from a qualified financial professional.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: That said, every one of us can fall into a debt trap, and we can all find a way out.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not all debt is created equal.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Bad debt is the debt you are using to prop up your life, and, by extension, your sense of self in ways that aren't sustainable.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's debt with interest rates so high that paying it off feels like you're running on a hamster wheel.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Some debt can be an opportunity for growth.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: A mortgage, per se, can be considered good debt when a home is likely to appreciate over time.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: If a reliable car can help you secure a better job, then a manageable loan can support your financial health in that regard.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: A loan for a Ferrari, on the other hand, would clearly fall under the bad debt umbrella.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Student loans are often considered good debt when they lead to greater earning potential and long-term stability.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: In all these cases, mindfulness matters.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: The key is to take on debt from a position of growth rather than scarcity.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Don't play this game with future you.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Play it with your present self.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you take on debt while imagining a future where you have the money to pay it off?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now focus on the present you, not the past you or the imagined future you, and that's where real change begins.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Before you borrow, take a moment to ask, is it truly necessary?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or could you set aside the amount you'd be repaying anyway and wait till you have the money itself?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: You won't get that instant dopamine hit, but you'll also avoid the guilt, the bills, and the panic that follows.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not all debt is equal, but it is all emotional.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: So take a closer look at your current debt situation and break it into two camps: debt that works for you, and debt you end up working even harder for.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Aim to stay in the first camp.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you find yourself in the second camp, look for ways to step out.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: So here's something I'd like you to try this week.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Before you hit the tap on your Apple Pay or put the card into the chip, just stop.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to call it HALT, H A L T.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, pause.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Regulate first, then decide whether to purchase.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale for four, exhale for six, and repeat it three times.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Name three neutral things you see.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Feel your feet.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Ask, does this serve me today?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: A calm body's yes or not now is worth ten rushed decisions.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Make no mistake, spending is essential.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: And this isn't about stopping you from spending or pushing you to spend more.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about how much you spend.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the alignment, intention, and trust behind it.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Spend in ways that matter to who you are, and you will experience the true joy of spending.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Spend from calm, bless the flow, and let your money tell the truth about what you love.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Join me next time for episode 9.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is it better to give than to receive?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Until then, I'm Swami Larry.