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14: The Story That Might Be Exhausting You · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:03
  Speaker: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:10
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:21
  Speaker: Let's jump in.
• 0:22
  Speaker: Hello, beautiful soul.
• 0:30
  Speaker: I am recording this brief episode live from my bed, and I'm well aware how strange that that sounds.
• 0:39
  Speaker: But I'm in my bed because I'm on day two of recuperating from some virus or something that has hit me, and I've been reflecting on why maybe I'm in this situation now.
• 0:54
  Speaker: Not to suggest that every time we get sick it's somehow the result of something we did.
• 0:59
  Speaker: You know, life happens, but in my case, there's been many situations when I end up like this basically bedridden, where I can see what may have contributed to the situation.
• 1:13
  Speaker: So yesterday morning I woke up and immediately knew something was wrong.
• 1:20
  Speaker: The entire room was spinning.
• 1:22
  Speaker: I had never really had.
• 1:24
  Speaker: That experience, that extreme.
• 1:27
  Speaker: I tried to get out of bed and I, I basically had to crawl, like there was just, there was no option.
• 1:36
  Speaker: The entire room felt like it was shifting.
• 1:38
  Speaker: Um, I had to hold the walls just to get back into bed, and there was, there was no option other than to stay in bed.
• 1:47
  Speaker: My body had just made that decision for me.
• 1:50
  Speaker: And again, I started to contemplate like, how did I end up here?
• 1:57
  Speaker: Because this is familiar to me where my body, something happens and I am forced to stop.
• 2:02
  Speaker: So as I was laying there, and sorry, I'm still not a hundred percent, so if my voice is a little off, forgive me.
• 2:09
  Speaker: As I'm laying there, I remembered something that one of my.
• 2:14
  Speaker: Teachers once said this is a metaphor that she uses, um, about wattage and how if you run a hundred watts of current through a 40 watt bulb, the bulb is going to blow.
• 2:27
  Speaker: So I didn't create that metaphor, but it really landed, uh, yesterday in a new way because that was exactly how I was feeling.
• 2:38
  Speaker: Like something in me had blown, from the inside out.
• 2:41
  Speaker: And I was examining everything that was kind of going on in my life in the days and weeks up to this virus hitting me.
• 2:51
  Speaker: And the strange thing is I was like, it's, it's not that I've been doing wildly unreasonable things.
• 2:57
  Speaker: I mean, plenty of people work full-time, raise kids, manage their homes, handle stressful situations, et cetera.
• 3:03
  Speaker: And I saw that it wasn't so much.
• 3:07
  Speaker: The wattage that I was using in the tasks, but it was the wattage of the stories behind the tasks.
• 3:17
  Speaker: And I'll break that down further.
• 3:19
  Speaker: But one of the things that helped this really land for me was a conversation I had with one of my close girlfriends.
• 3:27
  Speaker: Um, she called me in the morning and we were, we're chatting and she's in the middle of a big move from one house to another.
• 3:35
  Speaker: You know, moving is often very tedious and stressful.
• 3:39
  Speaker: And somehow we started talking about the feelings that we assign to certain things that we need to get done.
• 3:46
  Speaker: And she was sharing that she doesn't assign a feeling to what she needs to do or a story.
• 3:53
  Speaker: So she went on to say that she had gotten up at six in the morning.
• 3:57
  Speaker: You know, looked at the pile of boxes in front of her and just looked at the box that was immediately closest to her and started unpacking it.
• 4:05
  Speaker: No story.
• 4:07
  Speaker: No.
• 4:07
  Speaker: Like, oh my God, there's so many boxes.
• 4:09
  Speaker: Or, oh my God, how is it, how long is this gonna take?
• 4:12
  Speaker: Like nothing.
• 4:13
  Speaker: Just one box after another and then by 8:00 AM she had made a ton of progress and was able to enjoy a coffee and then continue from there.
• 4:26
  Speaker: So to milk the metaphor a bit further, I'd say that was like a 40 watt effort for a 40 watt task.
• 4:34
  Speaker: You know, she wasn't embellishing or adding more to it.
• 4:39
  Speaker: Now, contrast that with what I've been doing.
• 4:44
  Speaker: So on top of all the daily things, I've also been going through this situation with the IRS somebody submitted a tax return in my name and got a bunch of money that the IRS now thinks I owe them.
• 4:55
  Speaker: So anyway, there are the tasks I need to do to address that situation, whether it's filling forms, making phone calls, or whatever.
• 5:04
  Speaker: But then there's the level of wattage or current that I've been running around that because of the story that I'm telling myself.
• 5:12
  Speaker: Things like, okay, what if this spirals?
• 5:16
  Speaker: What if, they don't believe me?
• 5:18
  Speaker: What if I need a lawyer?
• 5:19
  Speaker: What else could go wrong now that I know that somebody has stolen my information?
• 5:23
  Speaker: And that's where the a hundred watts were coming from.
• 5:27
  Speaker: Not all the little steps that I might have to take, but the story that I piled on top of it, which of course was leading to the tightness I was feeling in my chest and the other little lies that were creeping in, like I can't let anything slip or I'm not safe unless I'm in control of the situation and I know exactly how it's gonna work out.
• 5:51
  Speaker: And I think between that and everything else, uh, my body eventually just said, Nope, we're just pulling the plug.
• 6:00
  Speaker: We are shutting the circuit down.
• 6:02
  Speaker: And interestingly, once I did get shut down and I had no option but to stay in bed, other things were able to show up.
• 6:13
  Speaker: And the first was an immense sense of gratitude and perspective.
• 6:18
  Speaker: You know, that's the shift where greater wisdom is allowed to drop in.
• 6:24
  Speaker: And it was gratitude for simple things like being able to walk to the kitchen without holding onto the walls, uh, most days.
• 6:33
  Speaker: And huge gratitude for the people who showed up when I couldn't do anything.
• 6:38
  Speaker: I got help.
• 6:40
  Speaker: Getting my daughter to school, picking her up from school, uh, taking the puppy because there's no way I could have taken him out.
• 6:47
  Speaker: People offering to send me food, the list goes on.
• 6:51
  Speaker: I just felt so surrounded by love and, you know, just gratitude for that and for a reminder that I don't have to carry everything myself.
• 7:05
  Speaker: That there are people willing.
• 7:06
  Speaker: To show up and help if I'm willing to put my ego aside and ask for that help.
• 7:13
  Speaker: And as I just lied there, dizzy, nauseous, and having to stay absolutely still.
• 7:20
  Speaker: I realized something else important, essentially an intention that I wanted to hold that tomorrow, I would move with a different energy, with a little less tightening in my chest, A little more trust, more gratitude, appreciation, even for the ordinary moments, and ultimately less focus and less wattage in the fear.
• 7:44
  Speaker: And more presence like my girlfriend described.
• 7:48
  Speaker: Just being present with what is and not having to add so much story to it, which is just a really well practiced old habit that I'm still learning to undo.
• 8:02
  Speaker: And obviously I can still get caught up in it to the point where my body needs to kind of step in and go, whoa.
• 8:08
  Speaker: We're taking you offline for a day or two so you can recalibrate and see what you're doing.
• 8:14
  Speaker: So thank you, body.
• 8:16
  Speaker: So if you're listening to this and you feel that you can relate that you're also running at maybe a higher wattage than your body can hold, it may be worth asking, which lie is powering it.
• 8:33
  Speaker: And I'll simply leave you with this question, what wattage are you running on right now?
• 8:39
  Speaker: And is it serving you?
• 8:41
  Speaker: Is it the minimum amount of wattage required for the task, or are you channeling additional current that risks burning you out?
• 8:52
  Speaker: And this was essentially what I wanted to share, and I hope that, this reaches someone who might need to hear it.
• 9:02
  Speaker: And wishing you many blessings.
• 9:05
  Speaker: Until our next episode, take care of yourself.
• 9:09
  Speaker: Alright, cheers.
• 9:10
  Speaker: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 9:17
  Speaker: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 9:22
  Speaker: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 9:24
  Speaker: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 9:28
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 9:33
  Speaker: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.