Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Why Men Don't Usually Have An Acts Of Service Love Language

Transcript

Why Men Don't Usually Have An Acts Of Service Love Language · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:06
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
• 0:08
  Psych mom show. Today we will be talking about
• 0:11
  why men don't usually have an acts of service love language.
• 0:14
  They don't usually like to receive acts of service which is
• 0:17
  terribly inconvenient. For all the women that are only
• 0:20
  comfortable giving Act of service to show love and we will
• 0:23
  discuss why. There is this disconnect between
• 0:26
  the genders and my experience working with couples, right?
• 0:30
  Before that though, I will tell you to subscribe as I I always
• 0:35
  do my most recent subscriber episode was, you don't actually
• 0:39
  have to be happy being alone before you can date because that
• 0:42
  is a major fallacy. Just like that whole you gotta
• 0:45
  love yourself before you can be in a relationship.
• 0:48
  Come on man. Like these, these bars are very
• 0:51
  high and really Fantastical for the majority of non Perfect
• 0:55
  People, which is everybody. So I will discuss those
• 1:00
  actually. I discussed the second one even
• 1:02
  in in the same pod. Intro of that other one, so I
• 1:06
  discuss. Also, why don't have to love
• 1:08
  yourself before you could love somebody else?
• 1:10
  So, if you're interested in either of those topics, you
• 1:12
  should definitely subscribe. So you can access all my
• 1:15
  subscriber episodes for the low low price of five ninety-nine a
• 1:18
  month, which is really pretty good for the amount of content I
• 1:21
  pump out. Okay, so a lot of times women
• 1:24
  only have an act of service love language and I have a podcast on
• 1:28
  why acts of service and physical touch or diametrically opposed
• 1:31
  Love Languages but only in the situation where the woman's Only
• 1:35
  love language, is Fizz Act of service.
• 1:37
  So if the woman's only love language is acts of service is
• 1:40
  usually means that she's pretty emotionally avoidant.
• 1:43
  And the act of service one is basically, the only one that's
• 1:46
  just task doing so it's pretty impersonal compared to the
• 1:50
  others. It is the only one that you can
• 1:52
  Outsource fully if, if active service is a love language among
• 1:56
  others though, then that does not necessarily point to
• 2:00
  emotional avoidance. But in fact, is, is probably
• 2:03
  like every Mother has active Service as love language because
• 2:07
  she's just overwhelmed by shit to do and many women have acts
• 2:10
  of service as a secondary love language.
• 2:12
  It would be very convenient though if more of them did
• 2:15
  because basically or rather, it would be very convenient, if
• 2:20
  more men had an act of service love language because remember
• 2:23
  acts of service is what you want to receive.
• 2:25
  So there's a lot of women who are saying stuff like but I cook
• 2:28
  him dinner but I do the laundry but I do this but I do that.
• 2:32
  Why does it matter that I haven't touched him since?
• 2:34
  Owen. And that's because they are
• 2:37
  really comfortable giving active service and not any other love
• 2:41
  language. So why is it so messed up that
• 2:45
  men? Don't value this.
• 2:46
  Well, I'll tell you why, so many reasons, but let's just focus on
• 2:50
  Main to most men have more energy than most women.
• 2:54
  Women have higher rates of anxiety and depression.
• 2:56
  There are more floored by month-to-month day-to-day minute
• 3:01
  to minute variations and their menstrual cycle as men, do not
• 3:04
  have Menstrual cycle. Menopause happens, pregnancy
• 3:07
  happens. Nursing happens.
• 3:09
  If period happens, I mean, and you know, I mean, shit happens,
• 3:13
  women are I have higher rates of being depressed which in
• 3:16
  atypical depression which is the one that women have leads to
• 3:19
  fatigue, a let in paralysis. I discussed this all the time.
• 3:23
  You can go to my podcast on depression and my posed atypical
• 3:27
  depression and women. So the point here is men have a
• 3:32
  lot of energy. Usually now if you're like wait,
• 3:34
  Wait a second, my husband doesn't have a lot of energy
• 3:36
  will. Then a couple things, your
• 3:38
  husband may be depressed too. And also, your husband may be
• 3:41
  suffering from low testosterone or your husband may just be
• 3:44
  somebody who is lazy. I don't really know.
• 3:47
  But usually, when people are laying around on the couch, it
• 3:50
  means that they're depressed. So, if your husband has much
• 3:53
  less energy than you do, this is biologically, not a normative
• 3:58
  situation and he should have energy, you know?
• 4:03
  And if he doesn't that's a Problem, of course, is problem.
• 4:06
  If you have zero energy to and you're probably depressed then
• 4:08
  too, but I mean you probably know it because more women have
• 4:12
  depression than men and more women.
• 4:14
  Go to therapy than men and more women read about psychology than
• 4:17
  men and all of that kind of thing.
• 4:18
  So like there are so many people I talk to where the woman's
• 4:21
  like, oh yeah, I was first diagnosed with depression when I
• 4:23
  was like 22, right after college.
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  And then of course, I had postpartum and then
• 4:27
  unfortunately, no. So often work for me and like
• 4:30
  this, this whole mental history, and then I asked the guy, like,
• 4:33
  do you have any sort of, you know, his History with a
• 4:35
  therapist or he's like not, oh no, I don't do that.
• 4:37
  I no, no, I'm fine, everything's fine.
• 4:39
  And if he was depressed anxious anything, he doesn't really even
• 4:42
  know. So your husband, if he's sitting
• 4:45
  around on the couch all the time and especially if he is also
• 4:49
  like - irritable angry, kind of distant apathetic then he's
• 4:54
  probably depressed and you probably want to get him into
• 4:57
  therapy. And really, I have plenty of
• 5:00
  podcasts on how to convince your partner to get it to couples
• 5:02
  therapy. And as I always say, Easier to
• 5:05
  convince them to do something with you than without you.
• 5:07
  So couples therapy would be the first step if they won't go to
• 5:10
  individual. Anyway.
• 5:12
  So generally though, and particularly the men that I work
• 5:16
  with, as I talk about a lot, I work with many high-achieving
• 5:19
  people. And it is a rare man that I work
• 5:22
  with. It does not exercise, you know,
• 5:24
  and exercises, you know, linked to having a lot of energy.
• 5:27
  And basically, here's the thing men, this is why I'm talking
• 5:32
  about this men. There are, there are many women,
• 5:36
  right? Who say God, I really want to
• 5:38
  clean the kitchen. I should really clean the
• 5:40
  kitchen. The kitchen looks like shit.
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  The kitchen looks like shit. I'm just so tired.
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  I'm so tired. I'm so overwhelmed.
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  I just wish somebody would clean the kitchen.
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  I feel so much better. I have never ever, ever heard of
• 5:52
  a man say anything like that. If a man wants to clean the
• 5:56
  kitchen, not bad, if he really looks around, there's like
• 5:58
  fucking cockroaches, and it's just disgusting.
• 6:01
  And like, his parents are coming over or something and like
• 6:04
  whatever. We're like he just listened to
• 6:06
  enough of my podcast and so he says, oh women, they like the
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  kitchen clean. Okay, I'll do that.
• 6:10
  And he'll just get up and do it, you know?
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  Like, cuz again, he's probably not struggling with symptoms of
• 6:15
  depression and overwhelm and he's not gonna get his period
• 6:18
  tomorrow and whatever else, women are just more sensitive
• 6:21
  creatures, okay? So that that is what it is.
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  So if there is a man that exists in the world that's like, you
• 6:26
  know what? I should really clean up the
• 6:27
  kitchen, he just usually fucking does it or sometimes he'd be.
• 6:31
  Like, I should probably hire somebody to do this and then
• 6:33
  he'll do it. What he Don't do is say God, if
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  I was the kind of person who kept a clean kitchen, what would
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  my life be? That's the kind of parent that I
• 6:42
  want my kids to have. Why does this get away from me
• 6:45
  so much? I'm going to look up like like a
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  website about, you know, like how to structure my time better,
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  because maybe, like, I was it a kitchen cleaning routine.
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  Then that would like, you know, spill over into other aspects of
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  my life, maybe I could get back into yoga.
• 6:59
  And I wouldn't be so depressed. That's not how a man talks.
• 7:02
  That's called a woman. So if you are, if you don't know
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  what, Woman thinks like it was what I just did.
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  So when a man thinks boy, this XYZ thing really needs to get
• 7:11
  done, they either do it or they hire it out or they don't do it,
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  and don't care. So that is not how a woman
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  operates. So if you want to make your
• 7:22
  husband feel better by like doing some shit for him, there's
• 7:26
  no point to do that because if he wanted the shit done, he
• 7:30
  would do it himself. And there are all I have never.
• 7:34
  Ever, ever, ever, ever really actually heard a man say that he
• 7:40
  would have felt closer that day if a woman had done tours.
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  That is just not some shit that happens in the world.
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  So like, if you are thinking that, that is anything that's
• 7:49
  going to happen or if that would be nice or if that would be like
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  so easy because of your husband, really wanted you to do laundry
• 7:56
  and then check it out. You're already doing the laundry
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  then that could kind of double dip as his like love language
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  because you know, that would be real easy.
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  Cuz it's what you're doing anyway.
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  Well, there's no free lunch as I say constantly, so men don't
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  want that. What men want is something
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  romantic and sexual something that you cannot Outsource or
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  would be unethical to. And that is only between the two
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  of you, like it's cute if you bake him cookies or something.
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  That's like nice. But if you bake him cookies but
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  then you're like gone and you guys don't spend time together.
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  There's no romance, there's no intimacy, there's no sex.
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  He doesn't give a shit about the cookies.
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  He wishes you to spend the 40 minutes of the cookies hanging
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  out, hugging and kissing. Kissing talking and or having
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  sex, right? So that is how men and women are
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  different. Now here is another thing which
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  I went passed really quickly so I want to make sure to amplify
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  it for you. Men.
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  Also a very like low standards generally for shit that they're
• 8:52
  not going to do themselves. So you could be like, no, my
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  husband's this rigid motherfucker.
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  And he like wants everything done exactly the right way with
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  the car with the house with this with that.
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  Well, 9 times out of 10. Unless he is are like really old
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  outlier. He's gonna do that shit himself
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  and basically just asking you not to fuck it up.
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  So like he could have, let's say like he's a real asshole about,
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  you know, he mowed the lawn and he has to mow the lawn
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  perfectly. He's not asking you to most a
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  lot. He's just say, like, give me the
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  time during the day to mow the lawn, you know, so that I can
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  mow the lawn in the way that I want to mow the lawn or if it's
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  like he likes to keep his car clean.
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  He's saying don't bring food into the The car.
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  What he's not saying is you go clean the car, he's not saying
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  that. Why?
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  Because, for men, when something is important for them to do,
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  they do it. Sorry.
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  I was coughing and laughing at the same time, but they do it
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  and that's it. Like, they just do it and they
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  could get mad if you fuck it up, but they're not telling you to
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  do it. We are ads.
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  Like I hear women that are like it's really important for me to
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  have a clean kitchen. So I want him to do it which is
• 10:04
  like and Like they like they don't understand it, there's
• 10:07
  like a disconnect, because it's so not how men operate right?
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  It would be like you saying, man.
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  I really want to go to yoga, so I sent my husband, he did it for
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  me. He did the yoga for me and so is
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  better that way. It just doesn't work like that.
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  So for most men doing something like a task is like something
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  they do, it's not that they tell you to do.
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  So if your husband wants to work out the car, he doesn't tell you
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  to go work on the car. Our and he isn't easy to
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  secretly hoping that you go figure out how to repair the car
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  better than he can. And then you take that chore off
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  his plate. No, he's doing it.
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  And if he decides that he doesn't ever want to work on the
• 10:48
  car again, then he'll do one of two things.
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  So make his his business to make enough money that he can have
• 10:54
  someone else work on the car, or he will stop caring about the
• 10:57
  car and the car will just be a piece of shit.
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  It'll be one or the other, you know, have nothing to do with
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  it. He's will never tell you.
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  Start to work on the car in his stead.
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  Whereas, women do do that. And why do I think that it is
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  because a, they have extremely high standards for housework at
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  things like that. But B, and this is the part that
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  doesn't get talked about enough. They don't have as much energy,
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  they really don't, they really don't a lot of the month.
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  They don't have any. A lot of women have depression,
• 11:24
  a lot of women are dealing with hormonal issues and really a man
• 11:28
  is physically stronger than women, so that I believe is
• 11:32
  really unassailable. So, So, I mean, you could just
• 11:35
  sell it if you will. But I mean that is the truth.
• 11:38
  Then women need more sleep by research shows that women need
• 11:42
  like something like 15 minutes, more silly.
• 11:43
  But that's just an average. So anyway, the point is when
• 11:47
  women want acts of service, it's because they feel overwhelmed by
• 11:51
  something. They consider extremely
• 11:52
  important but they do not have the energy or the drive or the
• 11:57
  the ability to not feel overwhelmed enough to do it
• 12:00
  themselves. So they are asking you to take
• 12:02
  something off their plate and within the Except a loving close
• 12:06
  marriage. This goes well for the guy
• 12:09
  remember everybody is not in a dysfunctional sexless marriage
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  for many people. Many women feel extremely
• 12:15
  appreciative when the man cleans the kitchen or does whatever.
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  And feels like they hit the jackpot and that he's a great
• 12:22
  guy so that is a happy marriage it.
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  So he does extra stuff and she feels love.
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  That's really what acts of service.
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  Love Languages, sometimes acts of service.
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  Love language gets butchered because people think that it
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  only is it A situation of A Dysfunctional couple where
• 12:36
  everything is Loveless and sexless and resentment filled.
• 12:39
  So in those situations, the man does acts of service and then he
• 12:42
  turns to her and she says so why did I have to ask you to do that
• 12:45
  you live here too. So that it's like fuck you
• 12:48
  because you know, you said it was active service.
• 12:50
  Was your love language. I don't give a shit about any of
• 12:51
  it, I would order an every meal from now until we die.
• 12:55
  I don't give a shit and so you know it's like he doesn't care
• 13:01
  at all, but the woman is like that An act of service love
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  language basically. She's just telling him.
• 13:07
  Here are your chores to do and that should never be thought of
• 13:10
  as an act of service love language and acts of service.
• 13:13
  Love language is when you feel loved when somebody does chores,
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  not when they do chores and you're just like, okay cool, you
• 13:20
  live here, too. So that's not any sort of love
• 13:22
  language. Love is very far away.
• 13:24
  Love is like 500 miles away from that interaction has nothing to
• 13:27
  do with it. So when women say okay, so
• 13:31
  here's another situation, there's some women with low
• 13:33
  self-esteem about their Leti to be competent and to be good
• 13:36
  Homemakers and good moms. This is usually younger women so
• 13:40
  I'll say up to their 30s. Usually because that's when
• 13:43
  people have babies 20s 30s and then the small children 30s, you
• 13:47
  know, and it's also before perimenopause hormones, you
• 13:52
  know, hit which is 10 years before menopause menopause 52.
• 13:55
  So you could do your subtraction.
• 13:57
  So as I've discussed women in their 30s or generally I said,
• 14:01
  you know, your window to change is when your wife is in her 30s.
• 14:04
  It's not what she's in her 40s because by then, or hormones
• 14:07
  started to decrease a little bit.
• 14:08
  She doesn't give a shit really about, you know, taking care of
• 14:11
  you and the relationship in the same way she used to.
• 14:14
  She could also see the writing on the wall that the kids are
• 14:16
  going to leave the house at some point.
• 14:18
  So it's not like marriages in their 40s.
• 14:19
  Can't be fixed, but they take a lot more effort than if the man
• 14:22
  put that effort in when she was a little bit younger with young
• 14:25
  kids, and she was in the young mother stage.
• 14:27
  So, in the young mother stage, Sometimes women and this is goes
• 14:31
  back to my femininity was masculinity and femininity mean.
• 14:34
  You don't know my feminine energy podcast.
• 14:37
  Listen to that one. So these women are still big
• 14:39
  into, like, how is my female identity shaped by what I can do
• 14:43
  around the home. Now, in that case, I've seen
• 14:46
  women that are younger, you know, get very upset that the
• 14:49
  man doesn't need them to do anything practical in their
• 14:53
  estimation. They have this idea about who
• 14:56
  they want to be as a wife and mother which includes being.
• 14:59
  You know, a very good Homemaker and keeping everything, very
• 15:01
  nice and making all these treats for everybody and keep
• 15:04
  Everything spotless and she's looking on Pinterest for like,
• 15:07
  you know, how to clean your house with the lemon juice or
• 15:11
  whatever and so in these cases that intelligent man will say
• 15:16
  something like how could you bake me those cookies that you
• 15:19
  made last week? They're so great.
• 15:21
  Or who can you make your lasagna this weekend?
• 15:24
  Wow. Or man like you did so good at
• 15:28
  organizing the kids Closets By color.
• 15:31
  It's like so amazing. Look at that.
• 15:33
  Like you are like the best homemade.
• 15:34
  Aker ever. If she really has an identity
• 15:37
  focused on being a good Homemaker, which is great.
• 15:40
  You know, that makes life nice for children and everything, you
• 15:44
  know, they certainly did. It's a good thing right?
• 15:48
  For your children for you, even if you know that you could buy
• 15:53
  the cookies, you know, yourself or that.
• 15:56
  It doesn't matter what the closets look like, say nice
• 16:00
  things because this is part of who she is and if she really if
• 16:03
  your wife is You don't need me for anything.
• 16:06
  Like, what do you even need me for?
• 16:08
  Don't answer sex. I know that's your answer.
• 16:11
  That answered never goes. Well, learn from men who have
• 16:14
  come before you and say, things like you keep a wonderful home,
• 16:18
  everybody's happy because of you.
• 16:20
  You set the mood of the house. You're such a good mother, you
• 16:24
  do everything with the children, you cook.
• 16:27
  Well, you bake. Well, you organize well look how
• 16:29
  well you decorate. So this is a situation where a
• 16:32
  woman's Act of sir. Service around the home are what
• 16:36
  she wishes was your love language.
• 16:39
  So as long as she gives you other things, besides the
• 16:41
  cookies, make a big fucking deal out of the cookies.
• 16:43
  Are you gonna die from doing that?
• 16:45
  No, that's a case where like you should focus on the positives.
• 16:49
  It's not even really lying like you.
• 16:51
  You like the cookies fine. You like the cookies don't be
• 16:54
  the person who's like well yeah I like the cookies but honestly
• 16:56
  I would rather that you had sex with me for the 40 minutes.
• 16:59
  It took you to bake the cookies unless you are in a sexless
• 17:01
  marriage or a low sex marriage in which case, sure.
• 17:04
  Are, you know, I mean don't say it like that, but you could say,
• 17:08
  I really do. You know, I love the cookies,
• 17:10
  but I value other things too, but as long as things are nice
• 17:14
  in your relationship, if you get the impression that your wife
• 17:17
  really wishes that you were more like her own dad, who really
• 17:21
  liked the cookies that her mom bake for him or whatever, just
• 17:24
  like go with the flow and compliment her on the things
• 17:27
  that you see that, she wishes that you valued because you like
• 17:32
  the cookies, isn't it cute? Believe me one day.
• 17:34
  She's not. Going to be making cookies.
• 17:35
  Cookies comes with estrogen. And when the estrogen goes down
• 17:38
  the cookies, going to go down to, and then you're going to
• 17:40
  miss him. So anyway, the point is that you
• 17:44
  as if you were in this situation where the woman has the acts of
• 17:48
  service love language and wishes that the man did to he can do
• 17:52
  one of two things. If he's generally happily
• 17:55
  married, he can act like he has more of an act of service love
• 17:58
  language if that's what she likes.
• 18:00
  And also, he can deeply understand why she wants him to
• 18:03
  help out. Everything.
• 18:04
  Because as I've told you like, you know, she's is feels very
• 18:08
  overwhelmed. Frustrated.
• 18:09
  She has no energy, she's tired, she's depressed.
• 18:11
  What have you? So this can help to facilitate
• 18:14
  empathy on both sides. If you are the woman though,
• 18:16
  listen to the other side of it, which is he doesn't give a shit,
• 18:19
  right? He doesn't give a shit because
• 18:21
  anything he wants to do, he does, if he doesn't do it, he
• 18:25
  hired somebody to do it or it doesn't get done.
• 18:27
  So for him, this has nothing to do with love at all.
• 18:30
  Nothing. This is like a separate Universe
• 18:33
  from anything that he thinks. Of his love.
• 18:35
  Nothing to do with it. No overlap.
• 18:37
  What he thinks of us love is spending time together, hanging
• 18:40
  out laughing joking. Touching each other kissing
• 18:42
  cuddling having sex. That's it.
• 18:45
  That's what it has to do with. There's no housework, there's no
• 18:48
  housework in this. It is a housework list zone.
• 18:51
  So if the primary way that you've been thinking, that it
• 18:54
  would be natural and normal for him to receive love would be
• 18:59
  through. You do an act of service, then
• 19:01
  you are wrong because there is no man like that.
• 19:04
  Very few, I'm sure I'll get the one who does like active service
• 19:07
  who's going to write in, but generally active service is a
• 19:11
  great, you know, cherry on top. I mean if you have a wife that
• 19:15
  you're joking around with and hugging and touching and kissing
• 19:17
  and having sex with and she bakes a mean, chocolate cake.
• 19:20
  Well, then you feel like king of the world but also you would
• 19:23
  feel that way probably if she didn't bake a chocolate cake.
• 19:26
  So that is the reality. And this actually should be
• 19:30
  thought of as wonderful because it's a it's it's the shows.
• 19:34
  Is that men are really feminist. They don't want the woman in the
• 19:37
  kitchen, they really don't. I don't see any that do.
• 19:39
  It's, of course, I don't see everybody at every, you know,
• 19:43
  when every community and culture and whatever I see, as I said,
• 19:47
  mostly high-achieving people that are dual income, or the
• 19:51
  guys income is very high and then the woman is stay at home
• 19:55
  or what have you either way? These are people that can
• 19:58
  Outsource the buying or the baking of a chocolate cake.
• 20:01
  Everybody cannot and there are many different cultures where
• 20:03
  homemaking is. Valued in different ways,
• 20:05
  however, no matter what culture, it is.
• 20:09
  I do believe that the average man, not a man who struggles
• 20:13
  with his sexuality, or as little bit or whatever, but the average
• 20:17
  man would always rather have sex.
• 20:20
  Then you bake him a chocolate cake, and understanding that can
• 20:23
  be really transformative to your marriage.
• 20:25
  So if you only have enough, you know, energy for one thing,
• 20:28
  picks X do, don't pick the chocolate cake, because it
• 20:31
  doesn't make any sense. And from the male perspective,
• 20:34
  Perspective to understand why she values acts of service and
• 20:37
  that within a loving marriage. Really are taking something off
• 20:40
  her plate. She really does feel a deep
• 20:43
  sense of relief that the kitchen is clean.
• 20:47
  Like you can't even imagine that.
• 20:49
  You have never felt probably about any cleaning of any sort
• 20:52
  of thing ever. You don't even associate, you
• 20:55
  know, intense emotions with cleanliness, but she does, you
• 20:59
  know, until the more of those things that you can do, then the
• 21:01
  happier, she will feel particularly If you are not at a
• 21:06
  horrible resentment, filled fueled place in your marriage,
• 21:11
  but rather at a nice place in your marriage where she says,
• 21:13
  wow what a good guy I was sitting here, feeling
• 21:16
  overwhelmed and exhausted and he cleaned up the kitchen.
• 21:18
  We have a great marriage. That's things that women think
• 21:21
  men don't think, oh, wow, I was sitting here on the couch, and
• 21:24
  she cleaned up the kitchen. We have a great marriage, and
• 21:26
  no, it does nothing to do with it.
• 21:28
  She cleaned the kitchen. Okay, good.
• 21:30
  You know. I mean not good.
• 21:32
  Bad as he doesn't know, it's like a Trick question, is it
• 21:35
  good or bad that she cleaned up the kitchen demands like I don't
• 21:38
  fucking know. Was I supposed to clean up?
• 21:40
  The kitchen is the kitchen dirty like what's going on here?
• 21:42
  But for the woman to always a wit, he cleaned up the kitchen
• 21:45
  always away. All right, well I will talk to
• 21:48
  you all soon hope you got something out of this and found
• 21:50
  it. Interesting and I as usual want
• 21:54
  you to subscribe and to join my Facebook group and if you ever
• 21:57
  do need a coach or a therapist coaches can work in any state or
• 22:02
  country, so I have a relationship.
• 22:04
  Chip coach, who can work with couples and individuals.
• 22:06
  That's cat robot that have heather gray my intimacy.
• 22:09
  Coach at Meredith Jacobs, who is my life coach works with
• 22:12
  parenting, works with divorce works with other with career I
• 22:16
  also have cat who does Curry another cat.
• 22:18
  It does career and nutrition. So that's all in the best life
• 22:20
  Behavioral Health Website and all of my therapist that are
• 22:23
  situated mostly in one state are great as well.
• 22:27
  And yeah, please do check that out if you do need a therapist
• 22:30
  or a coach and of course there's me.
• 22:32
  I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye.