Latest / Health Tech & Wellness Podcast / Why Do We Feel Like We Have to Answer Everyone Immediately?
Transcript
- John Adams: Welcome back to another episode of the Health Tech and Wellness Podcast. I'm John Adams. Crystal Nevedale: And I'm Crystal Nevedale. John Adams: And I wanted to start with kind of a simple question for everybody. And I before I even get into this question, I wanna preference this. I know I harp a lot about put your phones down and you've talked about leaving them out of your room, but above and beyond just trying to stay off of social media or or limit it. My question is this. And I I wanted to preference that so everybody kind of knew where I'm going. Are you actually good at ignoring your phone? And again, I'm not talking about social media. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when, you know, work is calling, when family's calling, when different things are happening. Are you good at separating your time from having to rush? We talked a while ago on an episode about, you know, when we used to take road trips. And that was pre-cell phone. And a lot of, you know, people out there probably don't even remember those days, but we remember them very vividly. and you went on a road trip, you know, unless you came across a payphone to call and say, Hey, I'm at, you know, such and such place, we're doing okay, there was really no way to get a hold of you. But now, ever since, you know, the advent of the cell phone, and I'm talking, you know, flip phone even. we feel like if we don't answer immediately, whether it's the phone ringing or a text or a message through one of the different social media messenger apps or emails that we are, you know, ignoring somebody. Or on the other side, if you're that person calling somebody or messaging somebody or reaching out to that person and they don't r respond immediately. they're ignoring me. What's wrong? Are they mad at me? Why is this going on? So I guess my question is for everybody out there, and I'll ask this of Crystal Are you good at separating your time or do you feel obligated to immediately answer the moment you see that little notification come up? so Crystal, I'll ask you that right off the rip. How do you feel when you see? Do you get that little, my God, I gotta answer, or do you kind of separate that? And Let me help you real quick before you answer because I'm sure there's gonna be people out there going, Well, you should. If you've seen it and you got two seconds, you should. Well, should we? So that's the question of today. Do we need to feel like we are 100% connected to everybody 24 hours a day? Crystal Nevedale: So for me, that's a hard no, absolutely not. I put my phone away because when I have my phone with me, then I get those feelings. But when my phone's not within reach, I don't get those feelings. But I'm gonna share a really funny story now that you brought this up. On my birthday, July 20th, I went to the beach and I had my phone not at all on my birthday. Everybody under the sun in my family messaged me, so much so that everybody was worried about me and they came to my house at 1130 at night. I was asleep, my brother-in-law and my son were standing in my hallway yelling, I okay? Because I had never not answered someone on my birthday. So John Adams: Right. Crystal Nevedale: that's how good I got at it. Yeah. John Adams: Wow. Okay. yeah, I could say very similarly that if it's near me and I see it, like I feel like I have to, right? I Crystal Nevedale: Yes. John Adams: even if it's not even important, even if it's a hey, let me know about next Tuesday, right? You know what I mean? I feel like I've got a reply and go, yeah, okay, yep, yep, whatever. but if I could get better at just leaving it in the other room or whatever, I I think that would help. But then you come back to five hundred different notifications, whether it be three from this Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: person and two from this person. And now you feel like you're trying to play catch up. So that's kind of what we want to get at because Technology, like you know, I I feel Crystal Nevedale: you John Adams: like I harp on this all the time, but I'm a I love technology. I I I'm usually the first person in line for the new iPhone when it comes out, you know. But I think that we've blurred that line between being available and being Our own sanity, right? because again, and and I've I've said it, I don't know if you've told any of these stories, but do you remember? I mean, we're not too far off in age going on trips with your parents, and nobody had a phone, you just went, and you might Crystal Nevedale: Yeah. John Adams: have found a payphone, right? Crystal Nevedale: So when I was 20, these stories keep coming up, when I was 20, got home from a camping trip and there was a big emergency in my family and my air-tube machine was like non-stop. aunt Marilou, Crystal, call me, Crystal, call me, Crystal, call me. So yeah, I remember those days very well. yeah. John Adams: The home answering machines, exactly. And you didn't until you got home, you didn't see that stuff. Crystal Nevedale: No, you had no idea what was going on at home, which was kind of a relief a little bit. Like you really got to enjoy yourself. Had you gotten those phone calls in the middle of your vacation, your vacation is duped now, really. John Adams: Yeah, it's ruined. And I I mean, not that And I I know that to some people they're probably going, but yeah, but you should have heard about that. You know, you should have come home. No, look, at the end of the day, like God, this was what 2016 when my mother passed away. And my sister Sam was on a vacation. This is before she passed away. And we knew my mom wasn't doing too well, but the vacation was planned. We said, Look, you know Go. If something happens, you know, there's nothing you could do about it, right? And maybe it won't until you come back, but it did. But at the end of the day, like that's an extreme, extreme situation. But our family was saying, like, go, like, you know. We won't call ya. You know what I mean? Cause then now you're on your trip and it's ruined, right? So it was a tough decision for us and for Sam, but at the end of the day That's kind of what I'm getting at. That's that's the most, most, most extreme. But you know, how many of you you go to work, you put in your in honor of Dolly Parton pass away, you put in your nine to five, right? And Crystal Nevedale: enough. John Adams: you come home and your phone rings and it's your boss and you feel like you gotta answer. Can you come in early tomorrow and give her your time, but you were already there? Or hey, Got this question, only you can answer it, whatever. We feel like we have to be obligated 24-7. You're paid while you're at work, you're not paid when you get home. I mean, if you're the boss and you run the place, okay, sure. Maybe you give a little bit of your time because maybe you're paying a lot for that, right? But if you're just a regular nine to five employee, why do we feel obligated to answer when your boss calls? I'm not saying that's always a bad thing, but I'm just saying we gotta start thinking about these things in a you know, what's my time worth kind of attitude, right? If you're the boss and if your monetary value at work is equals being available after hours, okay, that's fine. But if it doesn't, why are we answering? I was very guilty of that when I was in corporate America. So I guess why are we letting our workplace come home with us in our pocket, right? If you are creating your own business and you've got clients, okay, you've got people that you work with that supply you, right? I don't know, do you have regular clients that maybe buy from you for their things or whatever? Crystal Nevedale: You have a lot of regular custom. you mean like, do I sell my stuff wholesale? No. John Adams: Yeah. Okay. So let's say a regular customer, that maybe even one of your most loyal. Do you feel obligated every time they shoot you an email? Hey, are you gonna be open? Hey, do you have this? Or do you okay, I'll get to this. It's it's it's urgent, but I'm in the middle of family time. I'm in the middle of whatever. Crystal Nevedale: So, be honest with I've been putting my phone down. Like if I'm at home and I decided it's a no day for nothing, then I put my phone away. I don't even have access. Like you messaged me last night at 8 p.m. or something. I never saw that. I was already in my room. My phone was already put up. So I literally saw it when I looked at it this morning and I'd already been up a couple hours. I hadn't even picked up my phone yet. So I really have gotten good about putting my phone away. Five years ago, that wasn't the case. Seven years ago wasn't the case, but you realize like those calls can wait. Like you, you told me, know, what our thing was about, but I had plenty of time to read it before it happened. So you John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: just have to realize like your time to yourself is important. I have to recharge to be able to give up myself to any way, you know, it's the podcast to work John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: to customers when I'm working. I really have taken the older I've gotten, the more I've realized like my time is really, really important to me. John Adams: I wish I was that good. I will say like For you, I mean, that's a hundred percent accurate because like most people this is this is the unfortunate power of social media. most people I go on, and if you're on the Messenger app, you'll see, you know, the longest I've probably ever, unless somebody has completely just gotten rid of their account, the longest I've ever seen a person unactive or last time on is probably eight hours. That means they got a full eight hours of sleep, right? yours sometimes will be 18 hours. You know what I mean? And honestly, I don't know anybody else like that. You know what I mean? So like when I Crystal Nevedale: You have to remember too, I'm at a different stage in my business than you are. Like you're John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: building. When I was in your stage, I was on the toilet answering calls. Like I'm not joking. Like that's the reality of it. But John Adams: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: the longer you do it, realize like you realize what works and what doesn't work and where you need to put those boundaries and where you need to take time for yourself. But in the middle of the beginning, you are just, you're all in. You're focused. You're building. So don't beat yourself up for not being able to do that right now. In six months, reevaluate that and see, hey, have I made any improvements? Have I given myself a two hour window here or there, wherever you feel like you're lacking at that time? It's really just building those habits. It really is just that. John Adams: For sure. Yeah. And I think, you know, if any of our listeners, or maybe you're listening to this episode and you missed the episode where we talked with Kendall from Riverside. but we kind of hit this topic a little bit on that episode where we were talking about being on because she's the community manager for Riverside, the company that we use for our podcast here. And I've asked that question like, how do you how do you separate it? She'd mentioned, you know. There'd be times where I'm in the airport and I'm, you know, standing there and I'm I'm answering emails and she had to, you know, decide, okay, what's important right now? What can I handle at this moment? Who gets access to what part of me? Right. So people that I know I need to answer quickly get this access to this particular way to reach me. If not, they get this access. And which ones are more important at that time? And yeah, for me. You're right. I'm in the stage where you know I've got a a a newer client that I need to be more available for. So it's harder. but man, I can't wait for the day when mine can say unactive for 18. It it it's very rare. And I don't think I see anybody else that way. Like I said, unless they truly like took a step away from social media or something, and they're probably still on their phone. But I've never seen anybody with an eighteen hour away ever, other than you. so I wish that I could. Crystal Nevedale: I'm getting better. I'm getting better at it. So the one thing I want to change now, I think that John Adams: Mm-hmm. Crystal Nevedale: my next, like in the next six months, I want to purchase a camera so that I don't even need my phone for a camera. And I actually don't take any pictures on my phone, very rarely, only for work now. When we're out, I always use Emily's phone just because it's a better quality picture and things like that. John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: But I actually want to, I think I want like an actual camera. I think that would really help me really leave my phone behind. Because I love to take pictures. John Adams: Y Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: Love it. It's like nature pictures are my favorite. John Adams: The only drawback that you'll find really quickly is especially with a lot of your times when you're out in the nature, you're very active, you're bending over, you're looking for stones, you're climbing, you're doing different things. Your phone fits easily in a pocket. Cameras, you know, you're now you're you're relying on a strap around your neck. you're you don't want to carry it twenty four, you know what mean? So it's a different Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: experience. so you'll it's a you'll have a couple trade offs. Because like the camera that I'm using for the podcast is is a you know a standard mirrorless, what they call or mirror. Anyway, it's a standard camera where you can put a lens on and everything. And I I couldn't imagine carrying it around. it's been stationary since I've owned it. and it's just specifically for podcasting for me, but it's, you know, a traditional point and shoot, you know, with memory card. And when I think about the size of just throwing this in my pocket, okay, cool, let's take a picture, bink, and move on. it it's tough to imagine that. So I it'd be a great journey for you to document because when you do do that, because there's a huge trade-off. Yes, your phone is not in your hand, your phone's in your car, you've got that disconnect from social media, from everything else, but now you've got that bulky piece of equipment around your neck. Crystal Nevedale: bought a GoPro and I haven't used it yet. I bought it, Jesus, two years ago. John Adams: Well the GoPro is gonna be great for motion like like movie and video, but Crystal Nevedale: Yes, so they have like a strap you can put around you. So I was wondering if I could, I don't know anything about it, I still gotta do little research, but I was wondering if I could just pull the pictures out of the video. John Adams: Yeah, I would assume depending on the quality of the video. Crystal Nevedale: There's gotta be a way. John Adams: Yeah, depending on the quality of video, if if you can catch a good frame or something, you probably could if you're looking at something long enough. Yeah, I mean there's there's Crystal Nevedale: Yeah. John Adams: a million different ways for you to do it, but if you do go actual handheld camera, it'd be a cool experiment, I guess, to see what you think. Crystal Nevedale: For sure. John Adams: so when you do have your time when you are on the phone, Do you ever feel like again, we we've established that you're great at leaving it behind and just sitting it off to the side. But when it is in your hands and you do have it, you know, visible and you see that notification pop up, you know, do you ever find yourself checking because you feel like you're obligated because you saw it? Crystal Nevedale: Yeah, I definitely feel that way. That's why I try to keep it out of my hands. John Adams: Yeah. I think that's that's the main human and I don't want to call it a flaw because, you know, look, you know, it's respect, right? It's you're trying to respect other people's time, but in the same token, are you respecting yours, right? So, that is I think go ahead. Crystal Nevedale: And one thing I do too is when I'm in a conversation with someone, let's say I'm in a conversation with someone about work or about products or whatever. If I'm tired and I'm done, I will just put simply, hey, let's follow up with this tomorrow. And I'll just, because instead of not answering or responding to them, they know, okay, now I've done checked out, I'm not available. We'll have to revisit this tomorrow. But I try not to ever leave someone hanging. Just point blank say exactly what I need. Hey, I got other things going on right now. We'll catch up tomorrow. But I've gotten really good at that. Before I wouldn't have, I would have carried the phone around and answered for 20 minutes and got the message and keep going back and forth. But I stopped doing that. It's a waste of energy and time. Like when I could be all in, I could solve a problem in five minutes. Instead of wasting 40 minutes of my time with this back and forth stuff, I'm trying to find ways to condense my time and use it better. John Adams: Yeah. No. Yeah. I need to be better at being more blunt. I when when I say blunt again, man, I this is this is gonna sound like I'm like an 80 year old man, you know, telling people, you know, but but I wish I could because at the end of the day, you know, like you just said, I I will leave that open and now I'm constantly carrying it again, like you said, where I'm in a different stage, I'm building and stuff. But even with you know family, you know, I g I I gotta have a better way of going, hey, yeah, let's let's follow back with this tomorrow or whatever. I like that that way I'm gonna steal that actually. since I do feel like I'm I'm poo-pooing technology a lot, you'd already mentioned because again, I I'm a huge tech guy and I love tech. I just need us to, as human beings, to find ways to respect our time, right? And and that help our mental health so we're not stressed out about trying to be on 24-7. But in the same token, in the world of technology, you'd mentioned you want to get a camera, but currently in your life right now, is there a piece of technology that you currently own, use on a daily basis that you probably couldn't live without? Crystal Nevedale: My phone, of course, yeah, absolutely. But it's, but John Adams: The same thing we're saying you leave behind. Crystal Nevedale: I run my complete business from my phone. I don't have a laptop. I don't have a iPad or none of that stuff. Only thing I use is my phone. I mean, I have an iPad that I use at the shop, but it is only for transactions. I don't look at it, nothing on it. So I, that's the only piece of technology I really have that I use. I mean, I do all my ordering, I, everything. John Adams: Yeah, I couldn't do that. I'm so used to a traditional keyboard. I'm so used to a larger screen. I mean, I work on my phone when I'm mobile, but if I'm at home, I have to have a physical keyboard in my hands. or not in my hands, but you know, touching it and typing. I'm just so used to it. I I don't know how you can function a hundred percent through a phone. But I guess that's how you trained yourself. Crystal Nevedale: I think that it saved me a ton of time. So let me give you an example. If I sat down at my desk and I started ordering stuff, I'd be there for hours, okay? Because that's how much stuff I need to do. If I'm not driving, if I'm stagnant for five minutes while someone's looking at something in the shop, I'm able to place those little tiny orders constantly, just boom. And then I'm done and I'm already doing something else. And so I think that's where it saved me a ton of time. Because I'm able to like, I'm not joking. I'll start my cart of what I need to purchase four or five days even before I order it. I'll put things in it. It'll click on me. Okay, I need to order that too. I'll put that in that cart over here. And then when it comes down and I have, you know, five or six things or I really need something in that list, then I'm going to send it. So, I mean, it's just John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: really trying to find ways to. make it simpler. know, before I would order one thing at a time and I was like, okay, this is a little ridiculous. Like I'm gonna have to, you know, get myself in over time. I learned like, okay, well if I give myself just a three day limit and I just fill up and get all the things that I need because every single day I go to the shop, I need something every single day, whether it's chain, whether it's packing supplies, whether it's charms, whatever it is, I need something every single day. So I can't do those little things. Instead, I just throw them over here and then I come back to them. And I have all of John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: coming in the same day and it's easy. So it's just little things like that. But I'm also 14 years in on this. So if I haven't found easier ways by now, I probably need to change jobs. John Adams: Yeah, no, you you've you've gotten really good at compartmentalizing and that that's that's a skill that comes with time. which that's something that I'm I'm as I'm building this business, I'm I'm starting to do is you know, okay, little chunks here, what what needs done where. I don't do a ordering for anything like that because everything's kind of I'm building it on the, you know. coding and all that other side, but when it comes to For me ordering stuff, if I put it into a shopping cart, I that shopping cart would fill all the way. I mean, I would I have to order it and then know okay, okay, I spent my limit. Let's move on. But I'm not ordering for business. So that's a whole different scenario. Crystal Nevedale: Yeah. John Adams: but this was a little different this week. We just kinda I I you know, as I'm building and I'm seeing things, I wanted to really kind of talk about this because I I remember when I was in corporate America. Now I'm my own boss and I'm doing my own thing. So it's a different world. But I wanted to come back to that because there's a lot of people that I still know today that feel obligated when their boss calls. They feel obligated, you know, when a friend messages that they have to answer immediately. If you are available, do that, you know, respect their time. But in the same token, I want everybody to respect your own. So here's my challenge this week, guys. I want to look at your phone and ask yourself this. What gets access to me that probably doesn't need unlimited access to me? Kind of similar to what we talked about before. Who gets those keys, right? Pick one thing, one notification, one app, one boundary that you wish that you could change and just change it. Because Quite honestly, and again, I feel like I poo-poo on technology so much, even though I love it. We've given technology so much access to our life. And it's supposed to make our life easier, right? Let's let it make it easier again. It shouldn't make you feel like you're permanently on call. It shouldn't make you feel like you permanently have to give everybody access to your life. If you don't answer immediately, even if. They see you're online. They see that you saw the message. One thing I want to tell everybody: if you have an iPhone, I think Android has it too, and you can verify if it does, I don't know. But on the iPhone, there is a red on the text messages. Turn that off. Because now if you have it on and you know you have it on, and you know the other person on the other side saw that you read it. Now, how much more obligated are you to answer immediately? And maybe, Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: maybe, just maybe, it's not the right time for you to answer because you need to think on that. Maybe you're going to respond in a way you shouldn't have responded. Maybe you're going to respond a little harsh. You know what I mean? Maybe sometimes you just need that time to soak on something Crystal Nevedale: That's it. John Adams: before. Yes. So turn off your read notifications, please. Because even Just I'm gonna call myself out. If I text somebody and I see red and then I don't see a reply, sometimes I'm wondering, okay, come on now. And and I'm telling everybody not to reply immediately, but still, it's human nature. Turn it off. If if you get nothing out of this episode, go into your phones, find where your setting is to have it say red or not red and turn off red. anything else from you, Crystal, on this one before we wrap it up? Crystal Nevedale: I think people really need to take my advice on the put your phone away. was the best decision I have ever made in my relationship, my personal life, and my own sanity. I'll give you an example really quick and then I'll, we'll get out of here. So what I used to do is if I rolled over to go to the restroom in the middle of the night, I would pick up my phone and I would answer stuff. So putting my phone where I don't have access was one of the best decisions I've made to help. with my sleep because if it's not there, you can't think about it. You won't grab for it. But if it's there, you will grab for it just out of habit. So I would like to challenge people to pick a time. mean, say that you go to bed at eight o'clock, say six o'clock. So you have two hours to focus on your family without any interruptions. Like I don't care if it's 20 minutes, whatever you want to do, but find a way to unplug yourself. when you're with your family. They deserve your attention. And I don't think I really realize that as much as I do. Like the older I get, the more I realize it's a trick up. You have that phone, it doesn't matter who you are and how great your disciplines you are. If you have it in your hand, it's just compulsion. You're going to do it. You're going to play with it. You're going to open it up. You're going to get distracted. So just try to give your family the extra love and attention they need for a couple hours in the evening. So that's my only word of advice for you guys today. John Adams: I love it. Yeah, that's that's a hundred percent correct. and I need to get better at it myself. And hopefully as I get through this building stage I'll be able to get there also. but yes, definitely try to separate yourself from your phone. I think I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge myself over the next little bit between then this episode and the next time we record. I think I'm gonna watch periodically if I see another like fourteen to eighteen hours. without you being on I'm gonna screenshot that and throw it up on there because people this is real. she's mastered that ability to just put it down. and I don't know really any anybody else that I know that has done that. So try to challenge yourself. See how long you can go. but as always stay healthy. Crystal Nevedale: Stay balanced. John Adams: And keep driving forward. We'll see you next time.