Latest / The Unfiltered Tea with Evie / How to Stop Overfunctioning and Start Choosing Yourself with Mel Grime
Transcript
- Evie Tavares: I'm Evie, and you're listening to The Unfiltered Tea with Evie. I'm a business owner, a copywriter, and a storyteller at heart. And over the years of building my own business and growing my own community, the thing I've loved the most is hearing people's stories, the strategies that they swear by, the mindset shifts that changed everything for them, and the honest truth about what it takes to grow a business from the ground up. Every person has something that makes them different in their industry. And finding that thing and amplifying it is basically my whole job. And this podcast is just another way I get to do that. In this podcast, I'm bringing on incredible guests from my community, experts in marketing, business growth, and mindset to share the real, unfiltered version of what building a business looks like. There's no polished highlight reel in these episodes, just the tea. So let's get into it. I just sat down with our next guest, and this was such a great conversation for any female business owner or mom or anybody who just feels like she's just running through life kind of in this survival mode. we talked a lot about the concept of flow versus balance and life and self-care. We talked about the importance of nervous system regulation, and we also covered something called the align framework. So without further ado, I am so excited to introduce to you our next guest, Mel Grime, who is a burnout coach, yoga teacher, and holistic nutritionist who supports overfunctioning women in breaking the cycle of burnout. Using her align method, a five-step process, she blends her holistic nutrition background along with nervous system support and mindfulness to help women slow down, reconnect with themselves, and create sustainable change in their real lives. Her work is grounded, compassionate, and rooted in lived experience from her own burnout journey, helping women move from survival mode back to feeling like themselves again. This episode was honestly like a breath of fresh air, so I can't wait for you to tune in, lean in, listen in, and enjoy. I'm back with another incredible guest with Mel Grime. Thank you so much for coming on, Mel. Mel Grime: I'm so excited to be here. Can't wait. Evie Tavares: Yeah, I'm excited to have you. So you and I met through High Vibe Women. I feel like all my guests I meet through High Vibe Women. Mel Grime: We didn't know how. Evie Tavares: But we got to spend like more time together at the last full day event, which was really, really nice. And then we planned Mel Grime: Yeah. Evie Tavares: to have you on the podcast, which I've been super excited about. So to get started for anyone who doesn't know you, tell us who you are, what you do, and and what your story is. Mel Grime: Yep, so my name is Mel. I as you can hear, I'm English, but I've lived in Canada for the last 20 plus years, followed my heart, met my husband while I was traveling Australia, and have been with him ever since. And I am a registered holistic nutritionist, but I'm also a burnout and midlife coach, and I'm also a yoga teacher. So I have I dabble in lots of different things. But I'd been a holistic nutritionist for over, I would say, god, what time? When did I graduate? Like 15 years now. and predominantly when I was working in nutrition, the majority of my clients were women. And the majority of them came to see me for weight loss. and dealing with those clients, working with those clients, it began to become clear to me that the food wasn't the issue. It was actually the relationship they had with themselves. And around that same time, I was starting to get that realization. I was I had my own issues. I was a mum trying to run her own business. My husband was self-employed. I like my kids were very young, and I was overdoing, overgiving, trying to handle everything and make everything look perfect on the outside, and I became burnt out. And so I had debilitating panic attacks. I finally went to the doctors and I was diagnosed with depression, with osteoarthritis and with Hashimoto's, which is an autoimmune thyroid condition. So basically everything fell apart. I've been trying to keep on all these masks and all this front and and yeah, it just came crashing down. But I look back at that now and I'm so grateful for that experience because It showed me that I had been seeing these clients having issues with the relationships they have with themselves, and I was in the exact same situation. So it's often, you know, as we go through things or we see other people going through things, it can often mirror our own experiences, even if we're not, you know, aware of them. So from there, when I I got myself healthy again, and from there my nutrition practice has evolved, and it's evolved from not that I don't still think that you know the quality of the food that you put in your body and how important it is to prevention and for good health and well-being. But it has expanded and evolved because I felt like there was something that if I was going through that, if I was going through burnout and being that people pleaser and perfectionist and trying to juggle all the balls but not sharing anything about it, then I knew I wasn't alone in that. And so my nutrition practice has evolved into working with women who are burnt out, who are close to burnout, who are in midlife, whose kids are starting to leave home, whose identity is evolving, you know, outside of these roles and responsibilities that they've had for the past few years or maybe even decades. And also women going through perimenopause. And so the work that I do with women is I always like to think of myself as a guide more than a coach. I walk alongside these women and we dive into what the root issues are. And that's exactly what I used to do in nutrition. You know, it was never about, you know, the food that you put on. It was put in your mouth. It was always the root cause, like how did you feel about yourself? You know, what is causing inflammation? stress in your life. And so I do the same thing, but just from a different point of view. So we're looking at the beliefs that you have carried, maybe even since childhood, the habits, the patterns that you're stuck in, that are keeping you on that perpetual cycle of people pleasing, of perfectionism, of wearing the masks, of believing that you have to do it all and do it all alone without asking for help. And so all of those sort of things combined, I just help women start to peel back the layers in their lives, like I did. Like I had to, once everything came cra crashing down for me, I had to take a good hard look at my life and start step by step looking at, you know, what is causing this? Where do these beliefs go back to? And like I'm 10 years now on this journey and I'm still peeling back the layers. But Evie Tavares: Mm. Mel Grime: life has got so beautiful from you know, becoming more aware of things, becoming more deeply connected with myself. Trusting myself again versus looking externally always for validation or for the right answer. And so, yeah, you can so I still love the nutrition side, it's just sort of evolved more into nervous system regulation, into what is causing the stress in your body. And really, stress is the underlying cause of most health issues. So all of these are still connected. I just don't necessarily give you a meal plan like I used to. I just give you Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: give you another plan based on your beliefs. Evie Tavares: And those things very much go hand in hand, right? Like what we're putting in our bodies nutrition wise has such an impact on, like you said, our nervous system, like all of those things, right? Mel Grime: Yeah, that's right. I mean, what we put in our bodies can create inflammation. Stress can create inflammation. So both of those things go hand in hand. So it's like you could have like for me as a nutritionist, I would say I had a I don't believe in perfection, but I would say I had a pretty perfect diet. But because I controlled it, which wasn't good either, hey. But everything I was putting in my body was clean. I was making everything from scratch, even when it was overwhelming. And burning me out. Okay, but I was doing all of that. I was exercising, I was doing everything I was told to do. But because my stress levels were so high, because I was so disconnected from myself, I was, you know, wasn't listening to the signs and symptoms my body was showing me. I wasn't listening to, you know, the exhaustion I was feeling in the body. I just kept pushing through things. And so even though the dye and the movement side, were let's say perfect, my mental state, my emotional state, my stress levels were completely the opposite. And that alone was enough to bring me in that state of burnout, that state of inflammation, that state of you know nervous system dysregulation. And it can be the same the other way. You could have a beautiful mindset, you could be very healthy internally, in terms of you know wellness, emotions, mental state. But if you are feeding your body You're going to McDonald's every single day for every meal, then that again is enough to create that inflammation in the body will get you sick. So, yes, both go hand in hand for sure. But I think Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: I think what I love about the work that I do more now is so much emphasis has always been placed on the food. Most of us know we need to eat, you know, relatively well. You know, like Michael Pollens says, you know, if your grandmother doesn't recognize it as food, don't eat it. but I mean I have learnt to Find way more of a balance, like I'm not controlling over my food anymore. That was part of my protective mechanism, hey, to keep me safe. but I think not as much emphasis, especially when it comes to women, is put on their mental health, is put on on the responsibilities or everything that they are carrying and how they tend to always put themselves at the bottom of the list. And so that's where. The work that I do isn't telling women that they're doing anything wrong or that they need to be fixed. It's really trying to get them to come back home to themselves, to remember who they were before the roles and the responsibilities, and taking all of these patterns and these beliefs on. And it's not that we want to take them back to that woman, but we want to carry those things forward and help her become the woman that she was always meant to be. And which means, you know, for her to live a fulfilling life that she is actually the star of versus I was living on the sidelines of my life. Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. I love that. And I think there's so much power too in the fact that you've been through it. You've been through the thick of it. I think when we're looking for help in things, knowing that somebody is, you know, five, ten steps ahead of where we are is what helps us to know that this is gonna work. Like your your proof of the possibility, right? Mel Grime: Yeah, a hundred percent. And like I have my own coaches. I'm always there's always I surround myself with people who are further ahead than me. And it doesn't mean that they're better than me. It just means that it keeps me motivated. It keeps me accountable. when you're doing this type of work, the work that I guide women through is deep work. You're not gonna do it in six weeks. You're there's no quick fix to it. There is no magic wand that is going to make all these things go away. You know, these things that are holding you back, these things that are keeping you stuck in this overwhelm cycle. And I think that's what's especially hard. And I remember for me, like I was at rock bottom, panic attacks, like I had to step away from work. Like I, you know, remember a moment where my son Ben, he's my oldest now, and he was only like seven or eight at the time. And I remember lying on the sofa, just I like I was physically, I couldn't even move. And he put a blanket over me. And I remember thinking to myself, like I am supposed to be looking after him. But I remember at that time it's really hard for me to imagine not feeling like that. And it took me a long time to start getting on the right track. And I think that's why I, like you said, people can see in me that there is hope and that yes, you can get there. And it's small baby steps that get you there. You don't have to have a massive, drastic overhaul of your life. It really is the simple things, but you have to also be committed. Like I knew I had to make a choice and it was a scary for me because I knew if I continued to go down the path that I was on, I was scared health-wise. After all these diagnoses, what where was I gonna go? Like how sick was I gonna get? And that's where I made that commitment to myself that I was gonna try a different way. So yes, I might not have seen results in the first few weeks, but I was committed and I kept doing these things and being consistent. trying new things and I started to just piece by piece, it was like a jigsaw puzzle, being able to put the pieces of myself back together again. Evie Tavares: What's typically would you say like in your experience and in your experience with your clients, what's typically the first place to start? Like that first baby step for someone to take? Mel Grime: The first baby step is always beginning to choose themselves. And that might sound simple, but it's really not. For someone like myself who had not chosen, who would not put herself at the top of the list for decades. It was really hard. And I can tell you the story. I I came home, I went to see my therapist, and she asked me a question. She asked me, what do you like to do? This was in one of our very first sessions, and I couldn't answer it. It was like I froze. I could tell her what my husband Dave liked to do. I could tell her what my kids liked to do. But I and it's still I can still feel the emotion in me now talking about it. I could not give her one thing that I like to do. And so I remember driving home from that therapist office. I went to the grocery store and I bought a bunch of flowers. And I can't remember what the flowers were, I can't remember the name of them, but they were the brightest flowers I could find in the grocery store. And I came home, walked through the door, you come in, and you're at my kitchen. I went and got the vase and I put the flowers right on the kitchen counter. And again, it may sound little, but that was the first time I had ever bought myself flowers. And so for me, that was me saying, Yes, I am, I've I've chosen you, Mel. Mel, I'm coming home to you. This is my this is part of my commitment. So it's it's make it's Just taking one way that you can choose yourself. And it doesn't have to be the flowers. It could be sitting for five minutes to yourself. You know, it could be going for a walk. It could be anything. It doesn't have to cost money. It doesn't have to take a lot of time. But that's where I start. I start with beginning to make small choices because it's those. The more that you make those choices, it's like going to the gym. You don't start off with 50-pound weights. Hey, I know you like to lift your weights, so we're talking about Evie Tavares: I mean, Mel Grime: that. But it's like you start off with the lightest weight you can. So you start off with the easiest choice you can. And then you begin to build on that and you build the consistency. It's like that muscle repetition. It's like the trust. You'll start to rebuild that trust. And did those flowers fix everything for me? No. But seeing them every single day on the kitchen counter for like a week, it was like a little love note to myself. Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. I love that. I've heard of like some people as well writing love notes to themselves and like I've I've tried it a few times. It's really nice. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. Mel Grime: Yeah, it is. But it can be really hard. Because I like when I was at that point, I would have very negative conversations in my head with myself. Like I would berate myself. I would not let anybody speak to anybody I loved the way I spoke to myself. So trying to write these lovely things out about yourself can be very hard and it can take a few attempts, but it's such a beautiful thing. to do because it really s makes you look at yourself and what other things. Like I remember okay, what did I love about myself? I think I could start off the only thing I could say about myself was I like my eyes. But then I'll just write something beautiful about my eyes. And then you move on and it just it grows from there. So yeah, love notes are beautiful, but if it if it even if it's only one sentence, that is a love note to yourself. Evie Tavares: Even like a sticky note on the mirror or something. So you see it every morning. Yeah. Yeah. Mel Grime: yeah. Yeah, my my family have got used to me putting sticky notes around the house. Evie Tavares: I love that. you talk about women who are kind of stuck in this overfunctioning. Can you kind of describe what that is and why women don't necessarily recognize it in themselves? Mel Grime: I think, well society has a lot, a big part to play in it. society has these expectations, and we are taught this as young girls very early in life, that to be the good girl, to not upset anyone, to, you know, we have those, you know, the majority of us have those nurturing tendencies. We want to look after people. And we are rewarded every time we do something nice for people. Like I remember the word selfish being really negative when I was younger. And I always, you know, associated it with me thinking about myself. That was being selfish. And I think a lot of us are brought up that way. society, like you look at women are still doing more than 60% of the unpaid labour at home. Even though we are expected to be able to hold down a successful career at the same time, we tend to be the primary caregivers of the kids. many of us are in this sandwich generation where we have the kids, but we also have aging parents. And we again, as women, it tends to be the daughters that are looking after the aging parents. So there's many different factors, you know. Again, it can depend how you grew up, the you know, what you were taught. Within the family and the extended family around you. So there's all of these different things. And what it leads to is it leads to that people pleasing, it leads to that perfectionism, these patterns that we get stuck in, and those are what keep you going. Maybe your worth is tied to validation from others, helping others, caring for others. Maybe that's what makes you feel worthy. And so all of these things thrown together, we then start putting on those masks. Hey, we we feel like Hey, well, you know, Susie down the street can do it all. I should be able to do it all. Like I remember thinking that. I remember looking on social media. Well, that mum has it all together. I should be able to keep it all together. And doing it without sharing how I was really feeling. Hey, so I think all of those things play a factor. Obviously, we all have very different experiences, but women. Are still the ones that predominantly do the caring, the household work while expected to hold down a job. And that alone, like there's not enough hours in the day to be able to do all of that. And we don't ask for help. We're not taught how to ask for help. No more many of us aren't. and so I think that's a big factor because you just keep going, you keep feeling maybe you know. I remember when my kids were young, I'm like, okay, this is just a busy season. I was trying to grow my own business. My kids were little, like trying to take them to activities, trying to make all the food from scratch because that's what you're supposed to do as a good mum, hey, you know, do everything else for the family, keep the house looking good just in case anybody turned up and you know, God forbid there'd be a you know like a little bit of dust on the counters. So all of these things, these expectations are set for us, which are unattainable. And many of us, we get caught up in it from an early age. Like I was caught up in people pleasing and perfectionism from my teens. And so when things happen gradually, they build on top of each other and you don't see it. It's not like this one drastic event that makes you be caught up in these patterns or caught up in this overfunctioning cycle. It's one thing after another. And then before you know it, it's just your new normal. You don't Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: think that there's anything wrong with it. That's why a lot of women don't realize that they are stuck in it. They just think they're tired. They blame something else for being tired or completely exhausted. You know, the kids aren't sleeping. It's hormones. Like how many times have women been told, it's just your hormones? it's just stress. You know, you're gonna get over this busy period and it'll be fine. But the problem is, especially with stress, our bodies were designed to deal with stress on a very acute basis, like short-term stress, like Running from the lion and the tiger, having a police car follow you, you know, when you're like on, okay, am I driving properly? All of that. But then those moments end and the stress goes away and your body regulates, your nervous system regulates. Problem within the Western world and nervous system are in that chronic state of stress. There's always something keeping us in it, whether it be health issues, not even health issues, but you know, our health and well being. You know, family relationships, whether it be financial, whether it be work, career things, there's so many things that are keeping us in this state of stress because we're overthinking, we're over worrying, you know, we're creating things that aren't actually happening yet, but we're living like they are because our physical body doesn't know the difference between what we're imagining and what we're not. So there's so I wish I could give you a simple answer. But there's so many, yeah, that's it. Hey, and there's so many different Evie Tavares: Don't think it's ever simple. Right. Mel Grime: components, and that's what I help women. I help them look at what is going on in their life, like where are the main areas that are keeping them stuck in that cycle or keeping them stuck in that state of stress, and that's where we tend to, you know, start. Like even the flowers, even starting with the flowers for me, yes, it wasn't gonna switch me out of my stress state right away. But it was like a little sign to my nervous system, I still love you. You know, I'm gonna show you that you're safe. It's those little things that add up. It's like the breath. You know, I deal a lot with breath work with women. I'm that's why yoga comes into it, because you know, the type of yoga that I teach is about slowing down, it's about checking in with your body, you know, your breath, your mind, what is happening. 'Cause a lot of the time when you're over functioning, you don't have that awareness. You are just go, go, go. You you're not even feeling anything in your body or your heart or your soul. Evie Tavares: And is there any like thinking of let's say women in business who are also moms? So women who are trying to grow their own business like you were. What are some specific things that you see with women who are doing that? And like how do they kind of work through this as well? Mel Grime: Yeah, so I mean the biggest thing is if they don't if they're not good at asking for help, they're Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: destined really for overwhelm and burnout because you cannot do all of that alone. Like, as a mum and a partner, you know, like just looking after the house is a full time job. Looking after kids is a full time job. And they're not at school for very many hours throughout the day. Like you can't Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: get everything done in that time. Plus trying to build your business, trying to keep the standard that you've set for yourself up there. It's a slippery slope unless there's help and support that comes in. And help and support can be in so many different ways. Like I remember I got myself a cleaner. Like I was privileged enough to be able to pay for a cleaner to come in every other week. Yeah, every other week. But you know how much guilt and shame I felt about that? Because I thought I should be able to do this. This was like near the beginning. But it took a weight off my shoulders. I remember the first time I asked my husband, my husband is an amazing man. Anything I ask him, he's like always yes. Like he never says no to me. But I never used to ask for help. Then I said to him, I really need you to unload the dish of dish dishwasher for me every morning. He did it. And that one thing took the weight off. So that was asking for help. But it took me a long time to learn how to do that. Support could be going to a therapist. Support could be talking to a good friend regularly and really sharing what is in what is on your mind, what is on your heart, what you're struggling with. If you Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: are trying to keep everything to yourself and avoid what you're feeling because you think if you just keep pushing through, it's gonna get better. I promise you it won't. I tried it. That's when my body brought me to my knees. Like that's when Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: the panic attacks started. You know, your body is sending you signs for a long time before, you know, we often listen. Evie Tavares: Yeah. Mel Grime: So I would say the first step is asking for help and support, but I help them look at I help them look at their lives and what that looks like because that looks different for everybody. Hey, everybody Evie Tavares: Right. Mel Grime: has different support systems. Somebody might only have one person, someone else might have 10 people, somebody might not have the financial means to go to a therapist or have a cleaner. Somebody might be able to hire all these people to help them out. So it's such a wide range of how. This is the problem with the work that I do. There's no there's no one guy book that I can give you. Every single woman I work with, like it was with nutrition, needs something different. We are all unique, we are all beautifully different. it would be really boring if we were all the same, but it means that what they need from me is also different. But I always start with looking for help. We always start with why. Know bringing the awareness in, why are these patterns there? How are they showing up? Because as soon as they become aware, then they can make a different choice. If they're not aware of how these patterns show up, if they're not aware of the habits that they have that are keeping them stuck, they can't make a different choice. That's when you keep going. So the awareness, like I have my align method that even Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: though everybody needs something different. I use this method. So A is for awareness, always the first step. L is for love. And this is where we begin to treat ourselves with kindness, with compassion, with respect. It's called love, but for me, self-love was way off in the distance. Couldn't he? I did not love myself. I hadn't loved myself for a long time. My husband would say these beautiful things to me, and I couldn't see the version of me that he was seeing. So that's where we start with that kindness and compassion. Starting to, when you notice, those berating thoughts come in. How can we reframe them? How can we shift them? Then I is for intuition. So this is, yes, we lean into that intuition, that inner guidance, that that little voice that we hear, or those nudges, but it's also about leaning into your physical body. How do things show up in your physical body? How does stress show up? How does a yes feel in your body? How does a no feel in your body? Because how many women are saying yes when they really mean no? Because they don't want Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: to upset anybody. and this is where we really rebuild that self-trust with the physical body and with our intuition. And then G is for growth. This is where you can't do the last two pillars without doing the first three. If you haven't done that foundational work, you can try and bring things that are really gonna change your life. in like small ways, but they're not going to stick if you don't understand your habits, if you're not aware of the patterns, if you don't know how to reframe those thoughts, you know, if you don't trust yourself. Those are the biggest foundation. But G G for growth is when we start to really look at what are some small changes that we can make in your life that are actually going to fit in your life and actually going to stick. And then N is for nurture. This is when we look at the sustainability because you Like six say let's talk about a six week diet plan. People would come to me for what happens at the end of the six weeks? They can be really strict on these diets for six weeks, but is it sustainable? No, it's not sustainable. So there's so much there. but yeah, so I run through that method with every woman, even though it looks very different. Make sense Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. And I'm glad that you brought that up. something else that I wanted to kind of touch on as well is you mentioned the shame and guilt around asking for help. Mel Grime: Yes. Evie Tavares: I know, like for myself, I've been on the receiving end of that, where I, you know, my mom folds my laundry when she comes to watch my girls on a Monday. You and I talked before we started recording about having that help, having my mom and my mother in law there to help with the kids. But I think when people aren't doing that for themselves and they're not asking for that help, they can impose a lot of guilt and shame on people who are. So Mel Grime: Yeah. Evie Tavares: how do you how do you navigate that? Mel Grime: Okay, I used to have so much resentment. I used to expect my husband to read my mind. Like, of course, he should just unload the dishwasher. I shouldn't have to ask him. He should just do this. And it really created issues in our relationship. But I mean, he had no clue. He had no clue what was going on in my mind. but yes, you're absolutely right. Because even though we're not asking for help, inside we are, even though no one else can hear it. And so you are then. It's not fair on the people in your life that you are then feeling resentful towards. So again, as with anything, coming from somebody like me who, like I grew up with a single mum, she was like badass. She brought up three girls on her own, all going through teenage years at the same time. Bless her. She's now 80 and still phenomenal. But, you know, she brought us up to be really independent, which is a beautiful thing. But I think too independent in some ways because we weren't taught how to ask for help. And even now I look at my sisters and my mum, none of us are very good at still doing that. But where I started, when it came down to asking for help, I started in a safe place. So I started with my husband first because I knew he was my safe space. I knew that, you know, I could voice things to him and not be penalized for them, not be judged for them. And so I think I remember the first conversation I had with my husband. Like after all of this, I sat him down and I'm like, I can't go on like this. Like I was, and I think that was the first time I really shared with him how I was truly feeling. Like he knew there wasn't anything wrong. Like I was depressed, like I wasn't a happy person to be around. I was very angry. A lot of the feelings I had came out as anger, even though it wasn't anger, it was sadness, it was loneliness, it was Grief, it was, you know, just being feeling desperate. But all of these things came out as anger. But I remember before I had the first conversation with my husband, I must have rehearsed it like 10 times. Because I'm when I get emotional, like I just can't think straight. And I knew I needed to be able to articulate myself properly so I could share with him, like. How bad things were and what I need, and and to be able to ask for what I needed. A lot of the time we don't even know what we need. So that's where unloading the dishwasher, I know I keep going back to it and I know it sounds something so small, but doing that, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And after a while, you know, we'd have more and more conversations. So I started there, Then maybe I extended out when I felt more confident. You know, I shared how I was feeling with some of my really close friends. I shared how I was feeling with my mother in law, with my mum. You know, it started gradually, but I started small and again in a safe place until I could gain more confidence in doing that. So when it's it's like with anything, when it's something new, we don't learn it right away. It takes again time and consistency. But I think trying to get clarity on what you do need is a good thing first, because then you can be specific. You need to be specific in asking for help. You know, you need to say like I needed to say to Dave, this is what I need you to do. And I even got to a point, not right away, because I found myself kept flipping back and forth, because there was a lot of guilt. My husband was running his own business. He was working his butt off, like working long hours. And I felt guilty that I was asking him to take on more, even though I was expecting myself to do the same thing. But that so I had to, you know, really look at why I was feeling guilty. You know, why was I holding this expectation for myself, but not the same for him. And I asked him, and my kids are older now, and they still know, they still will pull me up. Like, for example, I came home a few weekends ago and I'd asked the kids to do the floors like cleaning the house, do the floors, vacuum and mop. I'd been away all weekend. I came home on a Sunday, floors were not done. And immediately I'm like, I asked them to do one thing and they couldn't get it done. But my oldest, he's 18 now, he was like, Mum, you did not give us a time to get it done. You said you wanted it done this weekend. I promise you it will be done by the end of today. And it was. But I was so ready to get that vacuum out, to get that mop out and do the floors. And you can imagine me doing it and I'll be pissed off at the same time and all of this. But so my kids and my husband now know to pull me up. If they can see me starting to go into those old ways of not asking for help, of not of saying, Okay, it's easier if I do it anyway. It just takes less time if I do it. They'll call me up. So yeah. Hope that helps. I tend to go on tangents Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mel Grime: a lot when we talk. Evie Tavares: No. It made me think like even with the laundry thing, like that was such a it felt like such a weird and I I didn't even like directly ask her. I think, like you said, I was confiding in her, in my mom, that I was overwhelmed with work and with the kids and I have to fold this laundry tonight and I don't like I have to spend my evening folding laundry basically after spending a full time at work and then I can't be with the kids. And she said, Mel Grime: Yeah. Evie Tavares: I love folding laundry. Why don't you why don't I just do it while I'm here on a Monday? And I'm like, okay. And then even the other day I I got the vacuum out and she's like, we have like one of those like smaller Dyson vacuums, not like the big full size one. She's like, you use that one downstairs too? I'm like, yeah, this is like the only one we have. She's like, well, now that I know that, I'll just do a quick vacuum while I'm down here on a Monday, too. So it's like opening up about that kind of stuff is also like super important. And I was just thinking when you talked about your sons doing the floors, I'm sure they did a great job. But do you think sometimes there's a release in that like control of like Y yeah, you have your way of doing it, you have your standard, but like in order for you to keep your sanity, you might need to relinquish some of that control. Mel Grime: yeah. The floors, like my 18 year old is great. My youngest Sam, who's 13. Like sometimes if I watch him do the floors, I'm like, my God. Like, and I you try and show him different ways. And I but yeah, I've had to give up control. At the end of the day, it's not done perfectly. Like, if they make dinner, they make a mess. It's okay, but they are, you know, trying and And I think that's what held me back a lot in the time because it's like, okay, well, I have to show you how to do these things. It's a lot easier if I just do it myself. But long term it's not. And also I Evie Tavares: Yeah. Mel Grime: think it's a gift. Like Ben is leaving for university in September. He knows how to cook a number of meals. He knows how to do his own laundry. He knows how to clean his bedroom. Does he do it enough? No, but he knows how to do it. Same as Sam's only 13, but he does these things. So You know, we are also giving them a gift by teaching them these skills for when they leave, because tell them believe me, it happens faster than you think. And it's like, yeah, and and also for them, I always say to them, you know, you've watched me, you've watched the mistakes that I've made. I'm open with them about all of this journey, and they've seen it. And I'm like, when you have a partner, whether you are whether that partner is at home, whether they are working. Everything needs to be equal. And I said I always say to them, I will be keeping a close eye on you two. And if you are not stepping up, you're gonna have me on because that's the Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: thing. And but as your mum, like you have two girls. Like, would you not want to help those your girls out when they get older? And if you could fold laundry, like I remember when I went to England recently to visit my mum, and she just took my dirty laundry, it was just me, and it turned up back on my bed. Clean, folded, smelt beautiful. And isn't that a gift when you don't when you do it yourself the whole time? When somebody Evie Tavares: Yeah. Mel Grime: does that for you, it is just amazing. Amazing. Evie Tavares: Yeah. And as somebody who married a son who was taught how to do laundry and do all these things, it's a great thing. something that I I think a lot of moms and women are told is you just need to rest more. what's your what's your take on that? I feel like I can already tell what your take is, but Yeah. Mel Grime: Yeah, please don't say that to a woman who is overwhelmed and running herself ragged. Yes, of course she needs to rest more, but are you going, you know, often the people that say it aren't willing to take things off that woman's plate to allow her time to rest. And this is the difference between burnout and being tired or exhausted. Burnout is actually when you are in long periods of chronic stress without recovery. Okay, so if you are tired and exhausted, say you're just going through a busy period at work. It's only going to last maybe for a few weeks, a of weeks. And then you can take a full weekend off or maybe you've got a vacation coming off. You know you're going to go away and you're going to get some downtime. You're going to refill. Your cup's going to be full to the brim of energy. You come back, you'll feel better. Burnout, that doesn't happen. Burnout is when you have been in this chronic state of stress often for years, not for just a short period of time. And a weekend, an early night, a vacation is not going to make a difference because your nervous system is stuck being dysregulated. And so this is the biggest problem. And I think this is where society comes in. They do just think, OK, yeah, you just need to rest more. You've got young kids, or you're working overtime at work. You just need a break and everything will be better. But it really isn't, because a lot of the women who are in burnout and overwhelm, even if they do try and sleep, often their mind is swirling, their nervous system is still in that fight and flight zone and so you can't come down from it to sleep. So we have, I'm going to get nerdy for a second, so we have our autonomic nervous system which goes into two sections. We have our parasympathetic nervous system which is our rest and digest. Okay, that's our peace and calm. When everything's going nice and smoothly, we're in that state, we can digest our food properly, we can come down and have good quality rest. The other side is the sympathetic nervous system. This is our fight and flight. When you are in the sympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest isn't working. You're not digesting your food properly. You're not being able to rest properly because all of the energy is being taken to your extremities. Like, you your heart rate is increasing. Your pupils are dilating. It's ready to run. It's ready to fight. It's ready to flee. It's ready to freeze. So it's always, it's like it's always on alert. So like you're always bracing, you know, I can picture myself, my shoulders up here, like gripping tight. That's not going to allow you to rest. You can try, you can lie down, can close your eyes, you could get six hours of sleep. But because your body is still in that sympathetic nervous system, that stress state, you aren't getting the quality sleep that you would. if your nervous system was regulated. like now I get eight hours of quality sleep, feel amazing. When I was burnt out, I used to get sleep. It didn't matter how much sleep I got, but it would be interrupted. I would wake up in the middle of the night, not be able to go back to sleep because my mind would be swirling. I would have trouble getting to sleep when I went to bed because I was thinking, replaying the day in my mind, thinking of the to-do lists that needed to be done the next day, feeling guilty because I snapped at my kid, you know, all of these things. And so, you're not getting that deep REM sleep when you're in that state so you're not actually repairing you're not actually refilling so that whole you just need some rest might work for somebody who's just in a very short period of stress but most Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Mel Grime: women are not most women Evie Tavares: Right. Mel Grime: are in the overwhelm the burnout the chronic periods of stress so our bodies are not designed to sleep like if we were able to sleep in that state The lion and the tiger would eat us. Evie Tavares: That's true. That's so true. Okay. Amazing. I feel like there is so much value in this for any like woman, business, business owner, mother who feels Mel Grime: . Evie Tavares: like they've been stuck in this state. I feel like, yeah, I love this conversation. So before we do some rapid fire to wrap up, Let people know kind of the best place to find you. And I know that you have a free resource as well. So let's talk about that. Mel Grime: Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram, Melanie Grime, RHN, my website, melaniegrimerhn.com. Yes, I have an amazing free resource. It's called Coming Home to Her, and it's a five-day free audio series. So the last thing women need when they are overwhelmed is another handout. So I have created every day for five days, you get a small audio from me delivered right to your inbox. It's five to seven minutes long, so it's not long. You could even pop it in your head when you're, you know, in your ears when you're walking, whether you're doing dishes before you go in the house, when you're sitting in the car. But it's just supposed to give you a moment of pause, a few minutes of pause every single day for five days. And that's where we need to start. We need to start by bringing you home to yourself. and it's not about making major dramatic changes it's finding something that can fit into your already busy and overwhelming lifestyle so you can find that on my website there's a link to it through my bio in Instagram but yeah it's a great resource and you are not required to read anything just listen Evie Tavares: Perfect. I'll link all that in the show notes as well. So if Mel Grime: awesome. Evie Tavares: you want to check that out, that'll be there. And are you ready for some rapid fire? Okay. Mel Grime: I'm ready, hit me, I'll try and keep them short. Evie Tavares: The rapid fire never ends up being rapid. It's just, it's a thing. Mel Grime: Okay. Evie Tavares: okay, what is the one thing that you do every day that keeps you grounded? Mel Grime: breathe, like deep breaths, like even if it's just three deep breaths in my morning practice, my breath is something I always focus because it's the easiest, simplest way to switch you from that stress state into that peace and calm state. Evie Tavares: Mm-hmm. Perfect. what is the biggest burnout myth that you're kind of tired of hearing? Mel Grime: that it's just stress or it's just hormones or that you need to rest just need to rest. Evie Tavares: Yeah. Just get more rest. I feel like I know the answer to this one. I know I know the answer to this one. Tea or coffee or something else. Mel Grime: tea, English, I don't think I've ever had a cup of coffee in my life. Evie Tavares: Me neither, honestly. I don't think I could handle the caffeine. I can barely handle like three teas a day. I I'm limited Mel Grime: Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. Evie Tavares: at two. what's one book that you recommend more than any other? Mel Grime: my goodness, okay. I'm actually gonna give you two. First one is like Evie Tavares: Yeah, I'll I'll allow it. Mel Grime: anything Breanna we'sed. am Evie Tavares: Mm. Mel Grime: like, right now I'm reading her pivot year, but I mean, I have all of her books and they are, every time I read something of hers, I'm like awakening. aha moments and then I love I think it's by Hilary McBride the wisdom of your body if I've got the title correct but I love it because this a lot of the work I do is help women reconnect with our bodies because our physical bodies have so much wisdom but we're not listening and often we don't even know how to listen so that's another beautiful one Evie Tavares: Perfect. what does a do nothing day look like for you? Mel Grime: Do nothing day starts as any day does for me, just with my morning practice and that changes every day. Like it could be a guided meditation, it could be sitting outside listening to the birds right now, which was my favorite thing. Could be moving my body, depending on how I'm feeling. And then it would be... handing out with a family, like reading a book out on the back deck. Like I love to read. I try and have physical books to get me off screens and I just love that. And then yeah, maybe going out for a walk with the dog, playing golf with the kids. Yeah. Evie Tavares: Sounds like my dream day too. Mel Grime: Yes. Evie Tavares: Okay. what is a collaboration or partnership or like dream thing in your business that you're calling in for 2026? Mel Grime: my goodness. That is a toughie. What am I dreaming in? Like, I have this dream. I don't know who I would collab with, but it's been a while since I've done a retreat. Well, I know actually I have called in a dream. It hasn't happened yet, but it's in the works and I am actually going to the High Vibe Women retreat in Dominican in November and I am teaching yoga and movement there. So Evie Tavares: Amazing. Mel Grime: that has always been a dream of mine to be part of a retreat abroad and so I would, yeah, let's say that one. That's a dream come true. Evie Tavares: Awesome. I love that. Now I'm sad I'm not going. I was already sad. Now I'm sadder. Well, thank you so much for coming on, Mel. I'm so excited for people to dive into this. And if you have any questions or feedback about the episode, just slide into mine or Mel's DMs. We're always in there and happy to answer any questions. Mel Grime: Thank you so much for having me, Evie. It's been so great. I've loved every second. Evie Tavares: Me too. That's the tea for today. If something in this episode landed for you, I would love to hear about it. And if you're curious about working together, whether that's finding your own unfiltered tea and bringing it to the front of your marketing, or writing copy that really sounds like you, reach out. I'm always open for a conversation. And before you go, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if you're feeling extra generous today, leave a review. It really helps this show to reach more people who need to hear it. Thank you so much for listening, honestly. And I will see you next time.