Latest / Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach / EP 36: The Midweek Reset: Enter Into Rest With These 3 Steps

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EP 36: The Midweek Reset: Enter Into Rest With These 3 Steps · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

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  So, Monday we talked about how easy it is to lose yourself while trying to take care
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  of everyone else.
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  And we talked about self-abandonment, about carrying responsibilities God never asked
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  us to carry.
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  And today I want to help you do something that many of us have forgotten how to do.
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  I want to help you rest.
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  And I'm not just talking about physical rest, but I'm actually talking about mentally, emotionally,
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  and spiritually resting.
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  Doesn't that sound great?
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  Because when we've spent years of people-pleasing guys, years just trying to fix everyone, and
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  years of just carrying emotional burdens that don't belong to us, our bodies can forget
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  what peace actually feels like.
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  If you're tired of people-pleasing, caring too much, and wondering why peace still feels
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  so hard to hold onto, you're in the right place.
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  Hi, I'm Lori, mom, former people-pleaser, and Your Boundaries coach.
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  Here we talk about how to protect your peace, set healthier boundaries, and get clear on
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  what actually matters so that you can build a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more
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  satisfying.
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  So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms, catch our breath, and get into this next episode.
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  Welcome to Healthy Boundaries for Moms.
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  This is your midweek reset, and I am your host, Lori Grimes.
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  Every Wednesday, we like to take a few minutes to just pause and breathe and realign our
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  hearts with God's truth before we finish out the week.
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  So if you caught this Monday's episode and you were left thinking, well, I think I've
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  been abandoning myself.
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  I want today to take like a deep breath.
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  Not another list, guys, and not another thing to accomplish, but just a reminder that Jesus
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  never intended for us to carry the weight of the whole world.
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  So I shared that I was reading this book called I Choose Me, and it was written by Jenny Garth.
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  And I forgot to mention that she was the actress that was on 90210.
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  She played Kelly Taylor.
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  And if you were like into the culture and the TV shows of the 90s, that was super popular
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  and definitely one that I love to watch.
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  But this book is about her life and the fame and all the different things that she went
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  through in her own personal journey.
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  And I feel like it really connected to the things and the themes that we talk about here
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  on the podcast.
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  So definitely go grab that book if you haven't, and I will link it in the show notes.
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  But we're coming back to the topic of what the themes were out of that book.
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  And I shared in that podcast that I was going through my own journey with this, the self-abandonment
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  and this codependency and people pleasing.
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  And in my own life, I just, I became really an expert at reading people.
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  You know, I would like know when someone was upset and I could just detect all these little
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  changes in moods.
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  And I wondered if I had done something wrong and I wanted to make everything okay for everyone.
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  And the problem was I was just not good at paying attention to myself.
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  And after years of living that way, I don't think it just changed my thinking.
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  I think my body actually changed.
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  I didn't realize how much tension I was carrying and how often my shoulders just stayed tight
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  and how quickly my mind would just jump into that problem solving, like fix it mode.
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  And how difficult it was to just sit still and be present.
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  My body just had learned to stay on alert and just to stay ready, to stay and be prepared
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  for that next emotional emergency.
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  Even when guys, there wasn't even one.
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  And maybe you can relate.
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  Maybe you walk into a room and immediately you're starting to read everyone else's emotions.
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  Maybe you replay that conversation long after you've had it.
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  And maybe you are carrying around a low grade and anxiety that just never seems to completely
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  leave you.
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  So Frank, that isn't necessarily because something is wrong with you.
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  Okay?
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  It could simply be because your body has learned this pattern.
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  And patterns with God's help can change.
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  So listen to these words from Isaiah in 26 3, you will keep the mind that is dependent
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  on you in perfect peace for it is trusting you.
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  So I love that verse.
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  Notice it doesn't say God gives perfect peace to the person who has it all under control.
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  And it doesn't say peace comes when everyone around us is finally happy.
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  And it surely does not say peace comes when our circumstances are easy.
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  It says God keeps us in perfect peace with the mind that is dependent on Him because
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  it's trusting Him.
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  And that really challenged me because if I'm honest, for years, I wasn't really depending
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  on God nearly as much as I was really just depending on myself.
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  And I thought it was my job to keep everyone okay.
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  I thought it was my job to solve each problem, to anticipate everybody's needs.
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  I was in charge of preventing all disappointment, managing other's emotions.
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  And that was never my assignment.
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  And carrying those assignments that God never gave me, it actually robbed me, y'all.
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  It robbed me of the peace that God wanted me to experience.
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  So I used to think peace would come when everyone else was okay.
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  And when my husband wasn't doing well, or say my kids weren't happy, or I was in a relationship
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  that was just not smooth, or someone was upset with me, I had to learn something different.
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  Because peace doesn't come from controlling those circumstances.
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  Peace comes from trusting God in the middle of my circumstances.
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  And those are two totally different ways to live.
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  One is like depleting me and exhausting me.
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  And the other one allows me to stop and to rest.
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  And that's why I want to spend the rest of our time together.
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  So if peace doesn't come from controlling everyone else's lives, how are we going to
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  begin to experience it?
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  So I'd like to share three simple practices that have helped me.
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  Not because I have mastered them, because surely I have not.
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  I am still learning them.
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  I am still working on them.
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  So number one, stop scanning everyone else.
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  Please, ladies, one of the biggest changes I have had to make is to stop constantly scanning
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  everyone else's emotions.
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  So for years, I just walk into a room and almost immediately start asking myself a bunch
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  of questions like, who's upset?
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  Like who in here is disappointed?
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  Did I say something wrong?
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  And what do they need from me?
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  How can I make this better?
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  My mind was just racing, always looking outward and always paying attention to everyone else
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  except myself, except what God was trying to do inside of me.
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  Now when I catch myself doing that, I try to pause.
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  And instead of asking, how is everyone else doing?
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  I ask, Lord, what are you doing in me right now?
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  That one question changes my focus.
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  And instead of carrying everyone else's emotional world, I come back to myself, to my body and
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  to the place where God is actually asking me to live.
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  My own heart, my own relationship with Him and my own responsibilities, because that's
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  the only task He's given me.
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  He hasn't given me everyone else's.
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  So number two, slow down long enough to notice God.
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  Guys, we're in a hurry a lot of times.
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  We're racing ahead of God.
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  We've got to slow down.
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  And I know as people pleasers, it's hard to slow down because slowing down often means
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  we're left alone with these thoughts, these thoughts that we have.
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  And sometimes we've stayed busy for so long that stillness just feels uncomfortable, right?
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  But throughout the Gospels, when you watch to see what Jesus did, He regularly withdrew.
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  And He stepped away from the crowds and stepped away from His ministry.
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  And we see Him spending a lot of alone time with God.
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  And Jesus just made space for quiet time and for prayer and for rest.
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  And if that is what Jesus did, then maybe we should be following this example.
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  So I've learned that sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do is just simply slow down, take
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  a walk, sit outside with a cup of coffee, open that Bible, but not rushing it, you know,
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  open it without rushing it and pray without looking at the clock.
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  Take a deep breath, not because those things are going to solve every problem I have, but
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  because they're reminding my heart that God is present and that I need to be tracking
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  with Him and in step with the Spirit.
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  And when I remember He's present, I don't have to carry everything by myself.
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  So that leaves us with number three, we need to replace control with trust.
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  Now I know this is very, very difficult.
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  This has probably been one of the biggest, biggest lessons for me.
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  When I noticed myself trying to fix someone or trying to change someone, or again, carrying
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  something that doesn't belong to me, I've learned to stop and to pray.
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  Sometimes it's as simple as saying, Lord, this person belongs to you and you love them
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  even more than I do.
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  And you know what they need.
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  So help me love them well, but remind me that I am not responsible for changing them.
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  That's your job.
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  So help me to be faithful with what you've asked me to do and to trust you with the rest.
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  That guys is what faith looks like.
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  Faith isn't believing that I'm always going to know what to do.
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  Faith is just believing that God has already worked it out, even when I don't understand
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  it or can see it.
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  So I've been thinking about those two trees that we talked about on the Monday podcast.
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  In the book, she talks about these, how healthy trees, they don't spend all their energy trying
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  to hold each other up.
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  They spend their energy growing into these deeper roots.
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  And I think that's such a beautiful picture of the Christian life.
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  Like we need to have our roots be going down and deep into Christ.
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  And the more peace I experience, the more freely I can love the people around me.
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  Not because I need them to be okay, right?
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  But because I know the one who is holding both of us.
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  So here's your midweek reset sometime today, I want you to intentionally stop for just
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  two minutes.
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  You're going to take a slow breath.
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  You're going to relax your shoulders and you're going to just kind of scan and see where you're
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  holding tension and then ask yourself these questions.
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  What am I carrying today?
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  Did God actually ask me to carry that?
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  Or am I trying to carry something again that belongs to him or to someone else?
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  And if it is yours, I want you to ask God to give you strength.
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  But if it isn't, I'm going to ask you to pray that he will help you lay it down.
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  So friend, rest isn't something we earn after we've solved everyone else's problems.
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  No, rest is one of the ways we are demonstrating to God that we have faith in him.
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  And when we choose to slow down and we choose to take a rest, when we choose to pray instead
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  of panic, when we choose to leave something unfinished till tomorrow, we're declaring
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  something very important and very powerful.
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  We're saying, God, I trust you.
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  I trust that you're working while I'm resting.
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  And I trust that you love my family way more than I do.
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  And I trust that you can accomplish what I never could accomplish.
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  And guys, that's not laziness and that's not dependence, that's worship.
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  So as you finish out this week, remember this, you do not, not have to carry everyone and
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  you do not have to fix everyone and you do not have to hold it all together.
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  Jesus never asked you to be the savior.
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  Guys, he already took that job.
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  That job is taken.
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  So your job is to stay deeply rooted in him.
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  And when you do, you will find that his peace begins to reach not only your heart, but guys,
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  he's going to reach your mind and your body and every relationship that he's entrusted
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  to you.
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  So my prayer this week is that you'll experience that kind of rest, not because your circumstances
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  suddenly become easy, but because your confidence is growing in the one who is hearing you.
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  Hey friends, I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
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  If so, would you take 30 seconds and go join our free Facebook page at Healthy Boundaries
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  for Moms?
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  That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working and support each other in
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  real life.
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  I will also share some great tools and tips to help you along this journey.
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  I have also included a link to sign up for our brand new weekly newsletter in the Facebook
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  group.
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  And don't forget to hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple.
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  It really lets me know that this podcast is helping you.
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  More importantly, it helps more women find this podcast.
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  Now go say no to something that's stealing your peace and say yes to something you actually
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  need and I'll meet you back here in the next episode.