Latest / AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation / [EP64] How to slow down when you're fantasising about a future with someone new (see them as they are)

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[EP64] How to slow down when you're fantasising about a future with someone new (see them as they are) · AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation

• 0:00
  So one of the things our mind does is that, I mean, talking about AI, it does it as well, but our mind does this, right? Like, it will have certain bits of information. And it takes those bits of information and then anything else that it doesn't know, it will just make it up.
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  so if you have a mind
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  and you pay enough attention
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  you might realize that your mind does this
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  and if your mind doesn't do this
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  then congratulations
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  you're very special
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  so if you have a mind
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  it has some information about something
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  like let's say in this case
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  this person
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  the rest of it is going to make up
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  and then the other thing is
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  when it has
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  something new
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  that comes into its environment, its space, let's say, its awareness,
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  the mind tends to focus on that and obsess on it.
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  So let's say, and I think this is a pattern I've seen over the last 20 years that I've got to work with people,
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  those that are wanting a relationship, when they have someone that come into their sphere
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  awareness, there's space, and they're like, right, there's a person here.
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  We tend to put all our energy and focus on that, you know, on the person.
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  And then also, like, we find that information, right?
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  And then, like, we have some information, and the mind's going to fill up the gaps with
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  the other stuff.
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  And I think when we do that, like, it's cute, right?
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  But, or adorable, or whatever the word is you want to use.
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  but actually it's not giving you a chance to get to know the other person and it's not like we're
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  not present because you know we've gone off into like fantasy land la la land like oh this and that
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  and that and yes at the beginning like it's going to be you know the mind's just going to be like
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  everything they do is so wonderful and perfect and all of that sort of stuff and like calm down
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  You know, don't have to extinguish that, but take a breath, get into your body, get into the present moment and see things as it is.
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  Not less, not more.
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  Right?
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  And see them as they are.
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  Because the mind will want to just make it bigger and more than a lot of times.
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  At least at the beginning, it makes it more than.
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  Sometimes then later in the relationship, it tries to make them less than.
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  Can't stand them.
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  All that kind of stuff.
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  But at the beginning, it's like, oh, my God, you're so wonderful.
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  You know, and all that sort of stuff.
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  So just see it as it is.
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  That means, like, enjoy the experience that you're having, I would say.
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  And get to know them.
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  Like, don't make shit up.
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  You know, like, give them an opportunity.
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  Give yourself an opportunity to get to know them.
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  Give yourself an opportunity to be present and enjoy the journey of getting to know each other.
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  and exploring the connection and seeing where it goes.
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  It's also, I think, important because obviously I'm not a relationship coach,
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  but I'll just say from what I've seen from having the privilege of working with people over these years,
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  that sometimes when we want something really badly,
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  we kind of tend to not just overlook certain things or ignore it,
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  you know we'll just go in we'll make it we'll make it begin better than maybe
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  what it is so sometimes I'm not saying you know around has it you know like a
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  red flag but sometimes there might be a blaring red flag or many red flags and
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  I'm not saying go in being paranoid but if you're just gonna gloss over and just
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  sugarcoat it and hide you know from it then that's probably not gonna go away
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  either or the opposite of that which is you know if you're going in paranoid and looking for all
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  the red flags when actually like we all have so-called red and green flags whatever they are
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  you know you're not giving yourself a chance to get to know them you're not giving them a chance
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  to get to know you and actually like share who they are with you um so to see them for who they
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  are basically to get you know to really get to know them because we're humans and as human we're
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  not perfect and none of us are done you know unless we're some like enlightened being which
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  i don't think even enlightened people are like easy to be with because they're enlightened like
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  they're just you know the most important thing is their connection to the divine to source that's it
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  you know like the worldly things don't really matter they might be full of love yeah sure but
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  I don't think they're even easy to be with.
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  And, you know, the more evolved people,
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  like, they're hard to be with.
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  You know, and the people who haven't worked,
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  like, they're all hard to be with.
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  But at the beginning, it's like,
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  oh my God, this is so wonderful, it's so great.
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  I've been wanting a relationship.
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  I've got someone here.
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  You know, I want a relationship.
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  I wanted someone.
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  This person is someone.
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  They have come in.
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  This relationship thing could happen.
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  Let's just make it happen.
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  It's like, okay.
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  Cool.
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  Maybe give it a chance, give it a time, you know, and step by step and not rush.
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  And yeah, it's like, don't want to freak him out.
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  Good.
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  So don't freak him out.
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  Don't be a weirdo.
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  Calm down.
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  Take it step by step.
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  I think that works for both men and women, right?
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  Like sometimes when you meet somebody, you're saying, oh my God, fuck, it's so amazing.
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  I don't want to lose this person.
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  And that's our work.
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  I don't want to lose this person.
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  They're not your person anyway.
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  You know like even when we are in a long-term relationship the other person doesn't belong to you
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  You know we come together to experience this you know thing that we co-create called a relationship
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  You know they don't belong to you. You don't belong to them. I had but that's a whole other conversation
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  So I think keeping all of these things in check and like
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  kind of keeping a head on the shoulders so to speak and but also keeping a heart open and
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  enjoying the experience for what it is and if it aligns and it works out then amazing
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  you know super happy for you and if it doesn't then you know you've had an experience and maybe
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  you learn some stuff most likely you will either way you'll learn stuff anyway and you know hopefully
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  you'll let yourself enjoy the experience so i think trying to push for a result and force a
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  result you know it's like when a flower like in nature right when a flower is blossoming open
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  we see a flower oh it might blossom what color is it like force the petals open it might just
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  break it and kill it right rather than like letting it just blossom and you know giving
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  it the things that would nourish it and naturally just let it blossom you know like
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  sunshine and water and i don't know whatever nutrients so like in a relationship what's the
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  nutrients what's the thing that's going to feed it and nourish it you know like sunshine for the
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  you know the plant and water you know so it's like love for example and all of these kind of
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  beautiful things that we can bring into the to the dynamic so doing our part and i would say
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  you know and then like letting yourself enjoy it you know and taking your time with it and i think
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  if you take your time with it and don't force it to happen faster than it's happening then it's
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  going to happen anyway you know like he's probably not there to i don't know to interview you for a
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  job unless that's what the case was so you're going to be okay like if you met him you know and
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  and it's like okay you're meeting each other you know there to date each other it's going to happen
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  like you know if you don't want to be there you won't be there if he doesn't want to be there
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  he's not gonna be there but you're both there so you don't have to worry about
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  it if it's gonna happen it's gonna be good it's gonna happen so you can relax
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  and enjoy it