Latest / Authentic Living / Setting Boundaries with Cheryl-Ann Lovie
Transcript
- 0:01Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
- 0:08things that really matter in our lives.
- 0:11And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
- 0:36Hi, everyone.
- 0:36It's, Roxanne Derhodge of authentic living with Roxanne.
- 0:40Today, I'm gonna say I have an amazing woman that I've been spending.
- 0:45We met about about a year ago, at least over a year ago, and our, writing group, we were
- 0:51privilege to some amazing women that get together.
- 0:56We started to get together, through the pandemic.
- 0:58And I would say, and I've shared this openly that was my thing to put structure into my day,
- 1:04but out of this has came some, an amazing network of, thought leaders, female talk
- 1:11thought leaders, and we meet, and we write, and we talk about all the things that are important
- 1:18to us, and we still we still meet every single morning since the beginning of the pandemic.
- 1:22And so, Cheryl Ann Levy, thanks so much for taking the time.
- 1:26To spend with us today.
- 1:28Oh, Roxanne.
- 1:30My pleasure.
- 1:31I am so grateful and honored to be asked to come on your podcast and speak to your viewers.
- 1:36I'm I equally feel the same as you about the writing group.
- 1:41We started in March of 20 20.
- 1:43I'm not sure whether you were on that first.
- 1:46Yes.
- 1:46I joined.
- 1:47I was right out off the hop, and I think I got to know you a little bit better later as we
- 1:52went along.
- 1:52Yes.
- 1:53And as the group maybe got a little smaller and more intimate, we we got to know each other a
- 1:57little bit better, but it's been such an incredible experience to build on something I
- 2:02was already starting, but it just encouraged that growth by having structure and routine
- 2:07every single day.
- 2:08So I also am so grateful to have met you.
- 2:11So I watched Sherylactic explain, like, Caroline and I just recently did, keynotes at,
- 2:17a huge conference of women in agriculture.
- 2:20Where I was able to hear her keynote, which was quite impressive.
- 2:23But I wanted to tell you a little bit about her background before we jump into some of the
- 2:26juicy nuggets about her story and the things that she's doing out there in the world with
- 2:31her keynote speaking and also her her book.
- 2:34So, Sean, tell this tell the listeners a bit about you and, what your background is.
- 2:41Well, thank you.
- 2:42I'd love to talk about myself.
- 2:45We like that too.
- 2:46Don't we?
- 2:46Yeah.
- 2:46It's fun.
- 2:47It's fun.
- 2:48Yeah.
- 2:49Actually, I started a heating and cooling company with my husband 16 years ago, And I
- 2:54found myself living in a world in a male dominated industry where I learned all kinds of
- 3:01new strategies, good and bad.
- 3:03And I feel like that company was instrumental in all of the boundaries that I've learned
- 3:10since then and that I've put forward in my book and the other parts of my life.
- 3:14But due to the fact that we owned that company, things were crazy.
- 3:18It was a extremely busy and, of course, then COVID hit and things got crazier.
- 3:23And we had to make some decisions to relieve some stress in our world.
- 3:28And that's where, things changed.
- 3:31Things got, you know, overly stressful.
- 3:34And I was the ham running on the wheel.
- 3:36I ran for board positions.
- 3:39I was, you know, being a big part in our community, trying to build growth within the
- 3:43community, as well as for my own business.
- 3:46Of course, you know, we can't we can't lie about these things.
- 3:50You're you're in that to expose yourself and put you out there, and I was doing that.
- 3:54For sure, but also met some incredible people and learned so much about what's the right way
- 4:00to live your life and what's the right way to to grow your yourself, not necessarily a
- 4:06business.
- 4:06And once you start growing yourself, that's when things really started to change for me.
- 4:11So let's talk a little bit about, obviously you've been in business.
- 4:15You're you're you know what it is to build a business from the ground up and, you, you know,
- 4:20I know you recently, when we met, you were in the process of selling it.
- 4:24But, obviously, the your story, and and she has this amazing book that will be launched, and
- 4:29we'll make sure that, you have links to her website, sherlandlovely.com.
- 4:34And called it's your term.
- 4:35So let's talk a little bit about kind of the pivotal moments and the experience that
- 4:42happened to you that made you think I I've gotta share this and and what happened there so
- 4:49that people can listen to, your story from that angle.
- 4:54Yeah.
- 4:55I think it's a great story because it it sends such a huge message to all of us that I was
- 5:02that hamster running on that wheel nonstop doing everything for everyone and not taking
- 5:06time for me.
- 5:10And I had just re returned home from Jamaica because Jason and I went on a trip thinking,
- 5:14we're just gonna get some time to ourselves and release.
- 5:17Came back and, you know, when you come back from vacation, you're just, like, overwhelmed.
- 5:21There's so much to do, and you're just almost more stressed than when you left to go on
- 5:26vacation.
- 5:27I felt that way anyway.
- 5:29And I noticed this small little spot at the top of my hairline, Now I did get a really bad burn
- 5:35in Jamaica.
- 5:35So I thought, you know, maybe it's that, and I didn't have time to concern myself with it.
- 5:39I had a job to do.
- 5:40I had to get going mid huge trade show coming up.
- 5:43I looked after all the organization of the trade show and I also sat stood on that floor
- 5:48for the next 4 days coming up to you know, sell my products and talk about my company.
- 5:54And so I was, you know, full on go to work, get things done as soon as I came home, literally
- 6:00tripping over luggage in my in my home, trying to get organized and ready for work.
- 6:05And every day, it was just getting a little bigger and a little bigger.
- 6:08And finally, because I thought I should open another business, I was looking at a retail
- 6:12property in Woodstock and my real estate agent.
- 6:16Who was suffering from a pretty serious disease himself, looked at me and said, Cheryl Anne,
- 6:21something's wrong with your head.
- 6:22Yeah.
- 6:23Kinda noticed the and then I looked in my mirror in my car, and it was my entire forehead
- 6:28had this big loop on it.
- 6:29So I thought, oh, I better I better or go.
- 6:31So I checked the walk in clinics in town, hadn't been to one of my life.
- 6:34Again, go figure.
- 6:35I don't go to the doctor very much.
- 6:37And I went to the clinic and he and I'm in the actual in the driveway of the clinic and I look
- 6:44over and the place is full.
- 6:46It said it opened at 5.
- 6:47It was 4:30.
- 6:48What is going on?
- 6:48How does this happen?
- 6:49People just arrive and hang out at the clinic, you know?
- 6:52So I got there and just as I'm about to get out of my car, it hit me.
- 6:57I have shingles.
- 6:58And the reason why I thought I had shingles is because I've been watching those commercials
- 7:02over and over and over again.
- 7:04And I all of a sudden just put 22 together.
- 7:06I thought this is what it is.
- 7:07This is what I have on my head is shingles.
- 7:10And I walked in the door and he said, You have shingles, my friend, and it's too late for the
- 7:15antivirus.
- 7:16I might as well feed you chiclets.
- 7:19So it was a moment in time that I believe God sent me a really strong message that or you're
- 7:32going to doomed.
- 7:33This is going to be a lot worse than shingles.
- 7:36And from that day forward.
- 7:39I heard everything from everyone.
- 7:41You know, you're going to suffer so much.
- 7:43This pain is so intense.
- 7:44This is going to be the worst ever.
- 7:46I didn't realize that this actual shingles that I had was called Ramsey Hunt syndrome because
- 7:52it affected my eye and Ramsey Hunt syndrome is very very serious over and above what shingles
- 7:58can do to you because it actually affects you more neurologically because shingles is
- 8:03affecting your nerves.
- 8:04And so, therefore, I covered my whole face, my eyes are swelled shut, and you know what?
- 8:09I really think that if I would've had shingles on my back, or my stomach or under my arm, I
- 8:14probably still would have went to that trade show on on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
- 8:18Maybe Thursday and set up.
- 8:19I mean, I was that kind of person that would have said, you know, I can I can muddle
- 8:25through?
- 8:26But when your face is swelled, to I couldn't see.
- 8:29I I was literally in bed for 16 days.
- 8:32Close to your eye?
- 8:33Was it close to your eye?
- 8:35No.
- 8:35It was inside my eye.
- 8:37Right?
- 8:37Oh my goodness.
- 8:38My people, and also on the sides of my eye.
- 8:42And in that keynote, I actually showed a couple pictures just so people could see this wasn't
- 8:47Not that shingles is minor ever because it really isn't because it's not just the lesions
- 8:52that you suffer from with shingles, but you also get an overall feeling of unwell, like
- 8:57you're you're just not well.
- 8:58And for somebody like me, like I told you when we were speaking before, I'm a type.
- 9:04I just go.
- 9:04And if I'm sick, I make it as much as I possibly can, and that's not always wise.
- 9:10That's just because I may type doesn't mean that's a good thing sometimes, you know, and it
- 9:14it forced me to take some time to really heal and get better.
- 9:19And in that time, I also I listened because I couldn't see but I listen.
- 9:24I use below.
- 9:25Let's talk about that slowing.
- 9:26Right?
- 9:27Like, because I'm curious about that.
- 9:28Right?
- 9:29You know, understanding that, you know, a lot of, entrepreneurs, debt, and you're a single
- 9:35Charlene was a single mom with twins, not just one, but 2.
- 9:39And, you know, making her on her own, doing lots of things.
- 9:44When you get slowed, something happens.
- 9:48And I've often heard this, and I I think I have a bit of a story like that as well in my own
- 9:53life.
- 9:53What happened to you when you slowed down?
- 9:57Well, I think what happened to me is that I started first of all, I started to ask why me?
- 10:03You know, I think that's that's the first thing that happens is you start to ask yourself, why
- 10:07me?
- 10:08And because I'm such a positive person all the time anyway, I began to look at it as more of
- 10:14a, why me god, you know, why am I going through this?
- 10:18There has to be a good solid reason.
- 10:20So I think that was my number one, you know, dig deeper.
- 10:24And then once I did that, then I started to just Take the time to release.
- 10:29Like, I need to just get rid of all this stress.
- 10:31I need to just and I also needed to realize that I didn't have to do everything.
- 10:36They could help.
- 10:37My team I had a full team.
- 10:39I had 9 staff at that time.
- 10:41You know, they can they can do this.
- 10:43I don't have to be on the floor, although just so know, we didn't sell as many barbecues that
- 10:47year.
- 10:51I have to take, you know, I have to throw that in there because you know, that's just I'm a
- 10:54sales girl.
- 10:55That's what I do.
- 10:56So that was, difficult for for me to swallow, but it it's fine.
- 11:00It's fine.
- 11:01I I I feel like what I went through gave me time.
- 11:04It's almost like meditation.
- 11:06You know, you you actually can calm because there's not all these I couldn't do it.
- 11:10I couldn't go anywhere.
- 11:11I couldn't worry about it.
- 11:12I couldn't think about it.
- 11:14I just released it.
- 11:15And I let it be I wonder, like, and I'm curious, right?
- 11:19Like, if you threw this reflection and stuff like that, in that quiets, you, you know, you
- 11:25obviously had to listen and I I shouldn't say you had to be listened and you learned.
- 11:30And obviously, although this came, this is an this amazing book.
- 11:35Where do you think that message that you had to do it all on your own start?
- 11:40Was there a particular time when you kind of look back that you think, oh, this is kinda
- 11:45where this is a little bud kinda got planted.
- 11:50And then, you know, all those years later, you know, this this the shingles is kinda giving
- 11:55you the same.
- 11:56It's giving you the full blossom up the flower and you're realizing, oh, I have gotta do
- 12:00something about this.
- 12:01Well, Roxanne, you couldn't have asked a better question.
- 12:04That's That's incredible because that's it does start way back there.
- 12:08You know, it starts way back when that bud's formed.
- 12:11Those roots are planted really strong.
- 12:13And they're the ones you don't see.
- 12:15And I wrote that in my book.
- 12:17I was raised by an alcoholic.
- 12:19I had a great mom who was very responsible, not necessarily stable, but responsible, paid our
- 12:26bills, made sure we were looked after fed clothed, you know, lived in a sort of middle
- 12:31class type lifestyle, but still struggled because she was living with an alcoholic.
- 12:38And I I remember just looking at them all.
- 12:41Probably, I I was young.
- 12:43I might I know I was young because it was when I feel I have my first memories of my self talk
- 12:49when I I need to be in control somehow, like somehow I have to be different than them.
- 12:55And I think that's where it started is where I just thought, you know what?
- 12:58I have to be the one orchestrating or it's just gonna get all messed up like it was in my home.
- 13:05It was a crazy chaotic lifestyle that I lived in, and that's, I think, you know, sometimes
- 13:11the adversity is what and the resilience that we learn is what teaches us about finding the
- 13:17hidden gift.
- 13:18We wouldn't even go looking for it if we didn't have some of that sometimes in our background.
- 13:25Absolutely.
- 13:25And, you know, obviously, you you are driven to achieve certain goals.
- 13:29And it's isn't it interesting that a lot of times you'll see people around kind of the
- 13:34agent stage where something happens to them and all of a sudden, they they're they're reckon to
- 13:40to stop and listen, take the positives from the adversity, which obviously was a lot of
- 13:46positives in your adversity, but to also say what parts of, some of the patterns that I had.
- 13:54Okay.
- 13:55It's it helped me get this far, but I don't know if gonna go on the rest of the journey
- 13:59with me here.
- 14:00And, you know, that's where you have the fork in the road.
- 14:03So let's talk a little bit about that.
- 14:04Like, you're you're on your back.
- 14:06You you covered your your listening, you're having to do all these things.
- 14:10What kind of things did you start to do to learn, to take care of yourself, and then what
- 14:15did you start to discontinue so that you could kind of be at the space that you're at now.
- 14:21Fantastic.
- 14:21I actually feel like The intensity of learning was what got me here.
- 14:27I I'm as I told you, I'm a type.
- 14:29So as soon as I realized that this was is happening for a really good reason, that life
- 14:34is happening for us.
- 14:36Then I started to draw into what do I need to do to help myself?
- 14:40And I started to listen to people.
- 14:42Like Brene Brown, like Tony Robbins, like peep I like Tony because I'm a grit kind of a girl.
- 14:47That's how I made it in the male dominated industry.
- 14:49So I I like Tony Robbins that I like Gary V.
- 14:52I I listen to those people regularly, so I could build more information to know how to
- 14:59deal with this stress and how does take things out of my life.
- 15:03And what I really realized is that I can only control what I can control.
- 15:10Only thing that my hands touch and my mind deals with is what I can control.
- 15:14So I started to changed the way I looked at the things I was doing in my life.
- 15:19And if my team could do it, then I orchestrated and taught them how to do that.
- 15:24It might be in my wheelhouse, now, but I can move it over to their trailer and let them deal
- 15:30with it.
- 15:30And that's what I think was the biggest lesson in my journey was a, finding mentors, like
- 15:37finding some great people to really build on.
- 15:40And even as I told you before, listening to your podcast, even gave me more information for
- 15:47moving forward with my, speaking business and how that, you know, strengthens you just to
- 15:54grab some some really good solid information.
- 15:57And then here's the next biggest thing.
- 16:00Write down what you want.
- 16:03It's gotta be concrete.
- 16:04It's gotta be real.
- 16:05You can't just go along saying, oh, I'm gonna be I took this as a message, and I'm gonna get
- 16:10better, and I'm not gonna do this, and I'm not gonna do that.
- 16:12You actually really need to focus on on what you want so that you can start eliminating
- 16:18things to get there.
- 16:19And you know, there were there were things in people in my life that were creating stress for
- 16:25me, and I was just going along.
- 16:27My dad I I was now looking after my abuser.
- 16:31I mean, that's probably a a a one of the biggest challenge is I had to overcome.
- 16:36Everyone was like, why are you being so nice to him?
- 16:38Why are you looking after him?
- 16:39He did all these, you know, and I had to I I didn't have to explain to them.
- 16:43I had to explain to me why I was doing what I was doing, and I was doing it because I wasn't
- 16:48mirroring him.
- 16:49I wasn't going to be who he was.
- 16:52I was going to walk away feeling like I controlled and managed the relationship with my
- 16:58dad now.
- 16:59And it I wasn't always there.
- 17:00Perfect.
- 17:01Every I wasn't.
- 17:02I did what I did for me.
- 17:04To help me, but I still looked after him and laid him to rest in 2019.
- 17:09And I have no regrets about how I managed his life.
- 17:13And my own during that process.
- 17:15Because when I got shingles, I was back and forth with him.
- 17:19Should I look after him?
- 17:21Should I be nice to him?
- 17:22Should I be angry Should I those things are are real life.
- 17:26That's real life stuff that happens.
- 17:27And how do you deal with it when it's it's my dad?
- 17:32So, really, what we're talking about here is, you know, and and bear with me as I kinda
- 17:37reiterate this.
- 17:38It's like, yeah.
- 17:39You you know, you you adapted.
- 17:41Right?
- 17:41Like I said, it's an adaptive process where you figured out, okay, what is it that I have to do
- 17:45to survive?
- 17:46And I figured out who Cheryl Anna is through this.
- 17:49And then I learned not to rely on others because there wasn't enough space for my, you
- 17:54know, your mom didn't the best she could with what she had.
- 17:57And then when shingles came around, it allowed you to really, look at boundaries, which
- 18:03clearly you set some boundaries.
- 18:05First of all, Sounds like with yourself, and then you ultimately set boundaries with what
- 18:11I'm gonna say.
- 18:11Who's around you in that ten foot radius?
- 18:14So that you could be that could be more of a reflective lens of the kind of life that you
- 18:19needed to have to continue to be successful and healthy.
- 18:24Absolutely.
- 18:24And keep in mind, those ten people around us, my my I have, like you said, twins, but I also
- 18:30had a third child.
- 18:31So I have 3 children.
- 18:32And I raised them by myself, and I feel like I took that control and managed it very well with
- 18:40those girls, but now they have children of their own husbands and I was everything to them
- 18:47too.
- 18:47So not only you know, and and not that they this is the thing that we have to also realize
- 18:52is that it isn't that the people around you expect this of you.
- 18:57That's not that's not necessarily what happens.
- 18:59It it nobody expected me to be.
- 19:02They just continued to accept it from me because I was offering it until I realized
- 19:08that, you know, I don't have to have family dinner for thirteen people every single Sunday.
- 19:13Why don't we start doing it every other Sunday?
- 19:16You know?
- 19:16Have everybody do a potluck and you do it kinda, you know, so that way, every you still
- 19:21get the connection.
- 19:22But again, sometimes it's those tweaks, right?
- 19:24Like, people don't realize that you're, like, you're right.
- 19:27It's kinda like the boundary always existed.
- 19:30So do I just keep the boundary?
- 19:32But unfortunately, sometimes it takes like, a shingle, like a shingles outbreak.
- 19:38And with myself, my store part, my story, I don't know if you know this, but, it's almost
- 19:4411 years ago.
- 19:45I was not completely out by a complete stranger when I was walking down the street in Toronto,
- 19:51and my life never stopped changing from that point on.
- 19:56Because I was in a bad, marriage trying to figure it out.
- 20:01And through the recovery, same, not on my your story, Cherilyn.
- 20:06Quite literally when I was in my on my back in Toronto, I said there was a a blue eyed angel.
- 20:11I him, whoever he was, never found him, called him several times to say thank you.
- 20:18And on my back that day, I remember, laying there with his his, jacket at the bottom of my
- 20:24neck because, you know, people good Samaritans do these things, right?
- 20:29And then I he said, he looked right at me, and I said, he says, everything's gonna be alright.
- 20:36And those words still reverberate through me as I think 11 years later, because, again, at that
- 20:43point, I listened.
- 20:44There was things I needed to do that were right in front of me and the kind of life that I've
- 20:50created since then 11 years after the fact, I needed to make changes.
- 20:56Yes.
- 20:56And I think that's the that's the message is that we do get a choice We we get a choice to
- 21:04see it.
- 21:04However, we wanna see it.
- 21:05The why me happens first, and we can decide, oh, because everything bad happens to me.
- 21:11I before me, everything bad happens, or we can say, listen.
- 21:15Let's figure out why I need to go through this and why I need to focus and and change things
- 21:20so that this message doesn't go unwritten.
- 21:23There has to be a reason why I I did this, and it's funny as you were talking, I was just
- 21:29thinking about this customer I had.
- 21:31His name was Felix, and he was German.
- 21:34He had a very thick accent.
- 21:36And he used to come in the store just to chin wag with me and and he would take up mountains
- 21:42of time, but he had so many words of wisdom.
- 21:45And he his one thing he always said to me regarding almost everything was Cherilyn,
- 21:51there's all these vase.
- 21:52There's all these vase.
- 21:55And, you know, he was so right.
- 21:57There are so many ways, you know, to to find and where you should be.
- 22:04And it's because you are in control.
- 22:07You can you can make whatever way you choose.
- 22:10You know, those days are there.
- 22:12And I think with what hap I didn't know that story about you Roxanne, and that's such a
- 22:16great No.
- 22:18I didn't.
- 22:18That's such a great story.
- 22:20And I think that's what, you know, even my shingle story might not think it's that big of
- 22:25the deal.
- 22:26It was huge for me, and it took me from there.
- 22:29I'm, like, I'm so grateful that it happened to me because it it took me from there to selling
- 22:35our company and building my speaking career and writing a book, and I wrote a book about child
- 22:42abuse, you know, basically that you can gain a lot not recommending living in child abuse by
- 22:52any stretch, but it gave me so much to anchor on and to build And I remember always being in
- 23:00the Hallmark store and looking at the cards and saying to myself, how can I ever buy a card for
- 23:05my dad?
- 23:06You know, how can What do you say?
- 23:08He he's not that guy.
- 23:09He didn't teach me.
- 23:09He didn't, but guess what?
- 23:11He did teach me.
- 23:12He taught me a ton of stuff, and All those things are inside of me now.
- 23:16I don't have to I can choose to look at it as evil or I can choose to look at it as He
- 23:22mentored me in a way that he wasn't intentional on his his side, but it's been intentional on
- 23:28my side to take that learning and put it into hopefully doing so much more for the world and
- 23:33for people that are suffering from the same things.
- 23:36And maybe it's just because personality, and you don't realize that that's not that doesn't
- 23:44define you.
- 23:45You know, it needs it needs The pain does not define you.
- 23:49The pain does not mind you.
- 23:51And out of, unfortunately, adversity comes a lot of strength.
- 23:55So let's say the average person listening, you know, and they're like, They're in pain.
- 24:00Right?
- 24:01And and, you know, and maybe they're in they're in pain, but they don't realize they they need
- 24:06to make some changes.
- 24:08What would be some, like, quick tips?
- 24:11You know, this amazing book that's gonna be out in January.
- 24:14It's your turn.
- 24:16Has a lot of phenomenal nuggets in it.
- 24:19But what are a couple of those quick tips that you'd say to someone that says, Start now.
- 24:25What what would you tell them?
- 24:27The first thing I would tell them to do is to get out a piece of paper and a pen not a
- 24:34computer, but a piece of paper and a pen because there's something about that feeling
- 24:39that is different than typing it into a computer.
- 24:42And just write down everything you want.
- 24:46What would you like?
- 24:47Maybe even go back and see yourself as a little girl.
- 24:50What was fun for you?
- 24:51What was fun or little boy?
- 24:53What was fun?
- 24:54What did what sparked you?
- 24:55What made you go wow.
- 24:56I love this this life.
- 24:58And because there was a time, there was a time for all of us when that happened, even if you
- 25:02were in so much pain right now, there's a memory back there that you can pull out and
- 25:09transfer to paper, and this is what I want.
- 25:12This is where I wanna be, and this is what I wanna do.
- 25:15And write it all down because the only way to discover how to get somewhere is to figure out
- 25:21where the heck you're going and then start building your road start from here and then go
- 25:26there.
- 25:27And I found my journaling was probably the most important part of my success in foundry setting
- 25:34and breaking those patterns that were groomed in me my whole life.
- 25:39My dad didn't let a sit.
- 25:42When I was at home, if he came home from work and we were sitting down, you know, your kids,
- 25:47you come home first thing you want to get out some craft dinner, need that And then the next
- 25:51thing you wanna do is just chill out and watch some TV.
- 25:55That's not allowed in my house.
- 25:56The second my dad walked in the door.
- 25:58It's, hey, there's there's there's dishes in the dishwasher.
- 26:01The house is not spotless.
- 26:03The grass needs to be cut.
- 26:04The pond needs to be done.
- 26:05You need to move.
- 26:06Get moving.
- 26:07And he didn't do it nicely.
- 26:08You know, he was a get or done kind of guy.
- 26:11And so that's groomed inside of us.
- 26:14We think this is how we we have to be.
- 26:17So to transfer that now to paper and say that's no.
- 26:23Does that give me joy?
- 26:25That doesn't give me joy.
- 26:26Let's break down what gives me joy.
- 26:28And you can also make a secondary list that tells you what doesn't you joy and may or
- 26:32doesn't give you joy.
- 26:33And maybe that will, you know, you you can still something's you gotta do that aren't fun.
- 26:39That's just life.
- 26:40But if you can find a way to enjoy those things by adding a little spice in, you know, just
- 26:46like you know, you can get through the medicine if you toss it with a water after, you know,
- 26:51let's sort of top it off with a little bit of cheer and that's So so number 1, write it down.
- 26:57Number 2, review it regularly.
- 27:02Every single day.
- 27:03It's almost like you start all new rituals.
- 27:06You know, if there's something out there that you really wanna do, figure out how you can do
- 27:11it, whatever that is, but if you don't focus on it and you don't, you know, people say the law
- 27:16of attraction, you know, is bogus because of this or that or, you know, you can't just wish
- 27:22for a new bike and it'll show up.
- 27:24But if you start real you know, I really want a hot tub and I thought, well, I'm just gonna
- 27:27start looking at how much they cost?
- 27:29What do I need to budget for?
- 27:30I wrote it down.
- 27:31I looked at it every day.
- 27:32I checked my finances.
- 27:33I we have one now.
- 27:35You know, I didn't get any richer today than I was when I wanted for something, but you can do
- 27:42that with everything in your life.
- 27:43You can do that with We stole but this has gotta change.
- 27:50I am going to be a speaker.
- 27:52I spoke for many, many, charity organizations in our city.
- 27:57I helped fundraise.
- 27:58I did all sorts of great things to add on boards and realize that's what I love to do.
- 28:03I wanna do more of that.
- 28:05That's where I want my life to go, and I don't wanna look back when I'm, you know, gone maybe
- 28:12or in the home and say, Jeez, I wished I had of because there's no reason to say that.
- 28:18You didn't just keep on going along and age is not a factor.
- 28:22So if you're in pain, write it down.
- 28:25If you're in pain, review it every day.
- 28:28If you're in pain, find what you love and start building a road map for that because if there's
- 28:34no way to get a road map if you don't know where the heck you're going.
- 28:37So you gotta do those things and start new daily rituals, recreate your life.
- 28:43When I was a single mom, my, doctor said to me one time, if when I was debating on whether I'm
- 28:51gonna go with my husband who is you know, had had many affairs on me, or was I was I gonna
- 28:56just leave him and start my own life?
- 28:58He said to me, will you ever get over the fact that your husband had an affair?
- 29:02Junes Audi had multiple affairs, but at the time, I only knew about the 1.
- 29:05And I thought to myself, you know, no.
- 29:09I know myself well enough to know that I'm not gonna get over that.
- 29:13That that was way too big for me.
- 29:15So he said, well, then you need to create your own new traditions in your new life.
- 29:20And, you know, that was back, back long before Doctor Phil and and, Tony Robbins and all those
- 29:27people.
- 29:27That was long before that.
- 29:28My doctor is smart guy.
- 29:30And he said, you need to start all new traditions.
- 29:33Things that you always wanted to do that your ex husband didn't want to do.
- 29:37You wanna do all those new things.
- 29:38And I'll tell you That's the same as right now when you're sitting there and you're in pain is
- 29:43you need to find change up what you're doing to get better results.
- 29:48Find the results that you're looking for and then build that road map to get there.
- 29:52And a good way to do that too is to say I know what I don't want and to write a list down of
- 29:58what I want instead.
- 30:00We're gonna start there.
- 30:01Right?
- 30:02And, you know, that's that's a basic thing, and you're so right because at that point, you're
- 30:08you're engaging logical part of the brain, which is where we need to be to be able to
- 30:13actually achieve things, right, and then reinforce it going in, like you said, day in,
- 30:18day out, And to quiet that that that voice that said, oh, you know, you can't sit there,
- 30:24though, or you can't achieve that.
- 30:26Right?
- 30:26That that voice, if that voice is bigger than the 1, which it will be the first eventually,
- 30:32with these daily rituals, with with starts to happen is getting your voice that says, yeah,
- 30:36I'd like that hot tub.
- 30:38I deserve that hot tub, you know, and that starts to become the pervasive big bullhorn in
- 30:44your head that goes, oh, okay.
- 30:46I can do this.
- 30:47And slowly and surely, like, from what you're saying a bit at a time, So you have all this
- 30:53stuff in this book.
- 30:55Charlene, I want you to tell everybody where they can get ahold of you if they wanted to
- 30:59coach with you or if they wanted you to come out and speak to their organization or to get a
- 31:04co a hold of this hot number as soon as it gets released, where can they get a hold of you?
- 31:11So I have a website, sherlandlovey.com.
- 31:14Very simple.
- 31:14There's no hyphen between my name although my name is hyphenated, but it's just
- 31:18sherilynlovely.com.
- 31:20My company is called it's my turn.
- 31:22My book is called it's your turn.
- 31:25On the website, there's a work with me page.
- 31:29And you can review all of my podcasts or sorry.
- 31:32Sorry.
- 31:32This is my first podcast.
- 31:34You can review all of my keynotes.
- 31:36You can review my YouTube channel everything from my website.
- 31:39So that's and you can see where to pre order my book.
- 31:43You just have to enter your email and we'll let you know when it's all available.
- 31:46It will be available on Amazon.
- 31:48And, the launch is happening in January.
- 31:51The release of the book will be probably 1st couple weeks into February.
- 31:55And I'm really, really super excited about it.
- 31:58And I'm so happy for your support to Roxanne.
- 32:01Thank you so much.
- 32:02Well, thank you for sharing, all this amazing wisdom.
- 32:06So I think, you know, for anyone out there, Life is it's full and it's it can be beautiful,
- 32:13but it also has a challenging it challenges.
- 32:16But, We all will get have pain, but we don't need to suffer.
- 32:21And I think Cherland's story is such a, you know, such an amazing, example of this success.
- 32:26But there was pain, but she didn't live in the suffering when she got the, messages.
- 32:31She didn't make it about I'm a victim, but now that I have this information, what do I do with
- 32:37it?
- 32:37So if you're in that space, just recognize that anybody out there, that you see, that you
- 32:43perceive as being 6 they've all been through things.
- 32:47You may now know their story.
- 32:49But when you read a book like, Sherylance, you you'll see the the journey and you can learn
- 32:55the same wisdoms, from, getting a hold of her book.
- 32:59So again, for anybody that wants to learn about authentic leadership, Either at home or at
- 33:04work, all you gotta do is, you know, just go to chat with roxanne.com and you'll book a
- 33:12discovery call with me.
- 33:13Again, Cherilyn, thanks so much for your time and for everyone, thanks for tuning in, and
- 33:19we'll talk to you again next week.
- 33:21Take care.
- 33:22Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive
- 33:27healthy change.
- 33:29Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit Roxanne
- 33:36Durgesh dotcom/blueprint.
- 33:39We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.