Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 156. Ashy vs The Internet: The Things People Actually Send Me🤦‍♀️🫠

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156. Ashy vs The Internet: The Things People Actually Send Me🤦‍♀️🫠 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
0:20
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
0:31
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to she Rises. Have you Monday?
0:34
Speaker 1: Got a bit of a juicy, maybe a little bit
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Speaker 1: controversial kind of episode For all the moms out there,
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Speaker 1: you've probably heard a lot of these shaming comments or
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Speaker 1: just had judgments or projections put onto you, or maybe
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Speaker 1: you've seen other women online copet as well. So we're
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Speaker 1: going to talk about some of the rogue things that
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Speaker 1: people have said to me as a mom recently or
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Speaker 1: in the last year or two. But before we get
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Speaker 1: into it, Share of the Week make go first.
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Speaker 2: Yes for sure? Okay, So my Share of the Week
0:57
Speaker 2: is actually just a lip liner that we just recently felt.
1:00
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, a beautiful makeup artist that we've been using.
1:02
Speaker 2: She recommended it and it's called Signature by Morphi Morphie
1:06
Speaker 2: Moffee so cheap, yeah, so creamy, probably like twelve dollars. Yeah,
1:09
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yes, please.
1:11
Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's such a beautiful.
1:12
Speaker 2: Color, really nice color. I'm very obsessed with it. Highly
1:15
Speaker 2: recommend it.
1:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like Meca classy that one. Yes, I love
1:19
Speaker 1: macwell as well, which is a little bit deeper. Yes, yeah,
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Speaker 1: love the actual m alright in minds something I'm going
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Speaker 1: to read out on Instagram A saved because I thought
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Speaker 1: it was really cool. The highest love language you have
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Speaker 1: as an adult is often the highest unmet need you
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Speaker 1: had as a child. So example, if your love language
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Speaker 1: is words of affirmation, you probably grew up with silence, criticism,
1:38
Speaker 1: or high expectations. You were rarely praised and often picked apart.
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Speaker 1: So now loving words aren't just loving the healing it's
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Speaker 1: my love language.
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Speaker 2: Definitely feel that too.
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Speaker 1: If it's access service, this used to be my biggest
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Speaker 1: love language. If it's access service, you were probably the
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Speaker 1: one who had to grow up fast, the fixer, the helper,
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Speaker 1: the caretaker in your household, you may be the one
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Speaker 1: who held together. You learn to give without expecting anything
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Speaker 1: in return. So now when someone shows up few without
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Speaker 1: being asked. It feels like it's love and it's purest
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Speaker 1: If you crave quality time, Chances are your parents were
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Speaker 1: physically there, but not as emotionally there as you needed
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Speaker 1: them to be. You remember, their presence were not their
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Speaker 1: deep connection. So now when someone gives you their full, full,
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Speaker 1: undistracted attention, it makes you feel what you always long for,
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Speaker 1: seen important and lack you matter. If it's physical touch,
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Speaker 1: you might have had parents who withheld affection or only
2:25
Speaker 1: gave it on their terms. Maybe touch was rare, conditional,
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Speaker 1: or inconsistent. So now physical touch is how you know
2:30
Speaker 1: you're loved, accepted, and you're not alone. If you value
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Speaker 1: receiving gifts, it's not about the price to act. It's
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Speaker 1: about knowing someone thought of you, maybe that you grew
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Speaker 1: up feeling forgotten, overlooked, or like an afterthought growing up.
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Speaker 1: So now a small gift says you matter and I
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Speaker 1: see you. Your love language is not just how you
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Speaker 1: give or received love. It's your inner child saying this
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Speaker 1: is what I needed most and I never got it.
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Speaker 1: So this is from a page's Matt underscore calmer, Wow
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Speaker 1: you still on the goal, goes think he lives in
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Speaker 1: American now but when I read that, I was like, wow,
2:59
Speaker 1: that's so true.
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Speaker 2: You're so seen. Yeah, all those things I feel like
3:02
Speaker 2: I can relate to the first flour or specially Wow,
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Speaker 2: I wonder which one's more prominent.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, mine's access service, but now it's words.
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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, definitely physical touch and quality time yeah right, yeah,
3:15
Speaker 2: And it just depends where you're at at the time, what.
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Speaker 1: You're not getting a lot of, even what you're not
3:18
Speaker 1: getting a lot of now in your adult life, you
3:20
Speaker 1: will then crave more of. So that's why they can change. Yes, yeah, wow,
3:23
Speaker 1: that's powerful. Anyways, let's get onto the episode absolutely, so
3:27
Speaker 1: straight into it. Okay, So recently I got sent a podcast.
3:32
Speaker 1: It's a gossip podcast, which I hate listen to these
3:34
Speaker 1: things because you know, a lot of the time and
3:36
Speaker 1: I have listened to a couple of late that I've
3:37
Speaker 1: been sent. They don't even have the full facts. They're
3:40
Speaker 1: gossiping about my businesses when I go away, so many things,
3:44
Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's not actually the truth, the spin
3:46
Speaker 1: that from, or you're missing out so many parts of
3:48
Speaker 1: the story just to make it sound worse. Absolutely, I
3:51
Speaker 1: really struggle to understand well from a business perspective, I
3:55
Speaker 1: get why they do it, yeah, but from like an
3:56
Speaker 1: integrity point view, I'm like, you're literally making money off
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Speaker 1: gossiping of people's lives and not even having all the
4:01
Speaker 1: true facts, but you're spinning things to make things sound
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Speaker 1: bad and to put the woman down so people click
4:06
Speaker 1: your content. So anyways, I don't know why I listen
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Speaker 1: to it. I was just on a walk. It's like,
4:09
Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm just curious what they've got to say.
4:11
Speaker 1: I said a few things. The first thing that they
4:13
Speaker 1: were talking about was how I'm always going away and
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Speaker 1: poor Steve's stuck at home with the kids. Poor Steve.
4:19
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that's so interesting. And one of
4:22
Speaker 1: the hosts does have children, and I'm guessing the other
4:25
Speaker 1: one doesn't. But I was like, Steve goes away too,
4:28
Speaker 1: because they were saying, oh, poor Steve, like never gets
4:30
Speaker 1: to go away. I'm like, he goes through all the time.
4:32
Speaker 1: I just don't talk about it because I don't feel
4:33
Speaker 1: safe people knowing that I'm not at home with a man. Yeah,
4:36
Speaker 1: I feel unsafe without him in the house. I don't
4:39
Speaker 1: like it. I've got three male neighbors. They all know
4:40
Speaker 1: when Steve goes away. Just in case something was to happen,
4:42
Speaker 1: I can call on them, so I'd be like, oh
4:44
Speaker 1: my gosh, Steve's away tonight. But he goes away all
4:47
Speaker 1: the time, Like he just went to America for ten days.
4:49
Speaker 1: At the end of this month, he's going to tailand
4:50
Speaker 1: for ten days. He goes on little work trips like
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Speaker 1: you know.
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Speaker 2: What's funny as well, like Steve's such a private person.
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Like he doesn't want to be on camera,
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Speaker 2: Like it was how hard it was to get him
5:00
Speaker 2: on the podcast. It's taken me years, Like that was
5:02
Speaker 2: in itself was surprising in itself.
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Speaker 1: So surprising, very out of his comfort zone.
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Speaker 2: Doesn't have his own like he has a social media
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Speaker 2: account and stuff like that, but he doesn't post on
5:09
Speaker 2: it actively. I doesn't want like the world to know
5:11
Speaker 2: those things.
5:12
Speaker 1: And he's very very opposite to me in that.
5:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, fully tells like he's very close people that he's
5:17
Speaker 2: going to do things like that, and that's about it.
5:18
Speaker 1: And it's also offensive to him in a way of like, oh, poor,
5:21
Speaker 1: So he's stuck at home with the kids, Like he's
5:23
Speaker 1: an incompetent dad. He likes being at home with his kids.
5:25
Speaker 1: What do you mean, Like when he went away. I
5:27
Speaker 1: was like, great, I have a good time. I had
5:29
Speaker 1: the best time with the kids. I guess one on
5:30
Speaker 1: one time with them, like my girlfriend's co o of
5:32
Speaker 1: a sleepovers Like I loved it. Yeah, it's not a
5:34
Speaker 1: bad thing when a parent goes away. But why is
5:36
Speaker 1: when a mum goes away they get really really slammed
5:39
Speaker 1: and they're a bad mum for leaving their kids. But
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Speaker 1: if dad goes away, no one says anything.
5:42
Speaker 2: I think motherhood is such a hot topic when it
5:44
Speaker 2: comes to controversy. Yeah, so it's like, why is it
5:46
Speaker 2: different for a dad? Yeah that's so interesting.
5:48
Speaker 1: But we're both equal parents. Yeah, we both decided to
5:51
Speaker 1: have children, we both made them, and we both parent them.
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Speaker 1: Why is the dad not getting shit? Why am I
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Speaker 1: the bad person I go away? Yeah, it's just such
5:58
Speaker 1: an interesting topic.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like different expectations for different either or dad.
6:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's wild to me. I like whatever, whatever, Stephanie,
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Speaker 1: Stephanie's out. Okay. The next one is I get this
6:10
Speaker 1: quite often actually, But then I also got it differently
6:12
Speaker 1: when I went away with Taj that Tala is my
6:14
Speaker 1: favorite kid because I show her more on social media.
6:17
Speaker 1: What people forget is that Taj is at school five
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Speaker 1: days a week, she's a home I spend a lot
6:21
Speaker 1: more time with her now because I get that time
6:23
Speaker 1: with her. I intentionally wanted a big age gap because
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Speaker 1: I wanted to have the first five years with Tag
6:29
Speaker 1: without another child there. So I got that time with him,
6:31
Speaker 1: and then we went to school. Now I get that
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Speaker 1: time with her, and a lot of the time, Taj
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Speaker 1: doesn't actually want to be on camera. If he wants
6:38
Speaker 1: to be on camera, he is asked to be on camera,
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Speaker 1: and it's something that he wants to do, like a
6:41
Speaker 1: food tasting thing or a silly prank or something. She
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Speaker 1: doesn't actually love to be on camera all the time
6:46
Speaker 1: where she's like, mom, take my photo, take a video.
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Speaker 1: She's literally like, look what I'm wearing. I want to
6:51
Speaker 1: show everyone, look my hair like the day. Yeah, she
6:55
Speaker 1: loves to be on camera. She loves to be center
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Speaker 1: of attention, wants her photo taken all the time. So
7:00
Speaker 1: naturally she's a monk.
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Speaker 2: She's a big personality. She's not afraid to take up space.
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Speaker 1: No that about her before, so that's naturally why she's
7:07
Speaker 1: on more. But then when I took Taj to Europe,
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Speaker 1: was like, oh, Taj is the favorite kid. Of course
7:11
Speaker 1: she took him.
7:12
Speaker 2: I'm like he left Tyler behind.
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Speaker 1: Yes. Wow, It's like we know, no matter what you do,
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Speaker 1: they're going to find a way to make you look
7:19
Speaker 1: like a bad mood, yes, and.
7:20
Speaker 2: To criticize you for whatever it is you're choosing in that.
7:22
Speaker 1: Moment, which just goes to show It's like, I just
7:23
Speaker 1: think it's something within them that it's triggered, and they
7:26
Speaker 1: just projected out into you to try to bring you down.
7:28
Speaker 1: But I want to quality time attage? Is that a
7:30
Speaker 1: beautiful age? Where's going to remember a lot of the trip? Yes,
7:32
Speaker 1: he's a lot easier to travel with than a two
7:34
Speaker 1: or three rook. I'm not a shame to admit that. Yeah.
7:37
Speaker 1: So it's just interesting people see such a little snippet
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Speaker 1: of your life and they make such big assumptions on
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Speaker 1: watching sixty seconds.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. So interesting, Like, even as an outside of somebody
7:46
Speaker 2: who's not a parent, it seems like motherhood is such
7:48
Speaker 2: an area where there's a lot of projection. It's a
7:51
Speaker 2: lot of shame as well, because obviously the book, everyone's
7:54
Speaker 2: doing the best that they can and making choices that
7:57
Speaker 2: are best suited for them, and the way that they
7:58
Speaker 2: choose to parent. But everyone seems to be so in
8:01
Speaker 2: each other's business when it comes to the way that
8:03
Speaker 2: other people parent. I'm just like, stay in your bother you?
8:06
Speaker 2: Why does it bother you? Yeah, you should be concerned
8:08
Speaker 2: about the way that you parent and how you want
8:10
Speaker 2: to raise your children. And I don't imagine that anything
8:12
Speaker 2: else outside of that actually directly impacts you.
8:15
Speaker 1: No, definitely not. And everyone's got their own set of
8:18
Speaker 1: rules on the right way to parent. But just because
8:20
Speaker 1: you believe there's a right way, it might not fit
8:22
Speaker 1: with another family's culture or beliefs, or the way they
8:25
Speaker 1: could behave, the way they could respond to certain discipline.
8:27
Speaker 1: Every child, family, lifestyle and culture is so different. So
8:32
Speaker 1: just like let them do their thing. Yeah, Like, why
8:34
Speaker 1: does it bother you that much? Unless I'm not talking
8:36
Speaker 1: like abuse or something. No, that's like just day to
8:39
Speaker 1: day yeah, Or I like, if you want to follow
8:41
Speaker 1: a sleep utuine or you don't want follow sleep routine, cool? Yeah,
8:44
Speaker 1: what does it bother you if their kid's not sleeping? Yeah,
8:46
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Yeah, you know, it's so interesting.
8:48
Speaker 1: It's an interesting world. The next one that I get
8:51
Speaker 1: quite a lot is that I portray my kids are
8:54
Speaker 1: perfect because I only post when they're happy and when
8:56
Speaker 1: they're doing cool stuff. But yes, I'm not going to
8:59
Speaker 1: get my camera out when they're having a tantrum. I'll
9:01
Speaker 1: hang on kids, Sorry, keep having a tantrum. I'm just
9:03
Speaker 1: going to get my phone. So everyone knows you guys
9:06
Speaker 1: aren't perfect, and I'm not for trying you to be.
9:08
Speaker 2: Just way awayway, stay here, don't move, let me get
9:11
Speaker 2: my camera.
9:11
Speaker 1: My responsibility and my role as their parent if they're
9:15
Speaker 1: having a meltdown is to support them. The last thing
9:19
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about is to get out my camera for content.
9:22
Speaker 1: So no, and I'm not going to embarrass them and
9:24
Speaker 1: like put that on the internet.
9:25
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's so different as well from when somebody like,
9:28
Speaker 2: let's say, for example, like you know, you share very
9:31
Speaker 2: vulnerable moments in your journey when you're having a bad
9:33
Speaker 2: day or something like that. But that's your choice. In
9:35
Speaker 2: that way, you're doing it because you want to teach something,
9:37
Speaker 2: not because you're like, hey, look at my life, it's
9:38
Speaker 2: like ups and downs, just because there's something constructive behind
9:41
Speaker 2: it exactly. And also I imagine as a parent, I
9:44
Speaker 2: don't have experience in this, but I imagine as a parent,
9:46
Speaker 2: you're just trying to regulate yourself as well as your child,
9:48
Speaker 2: or just saying I've already got enough things to worry
9:50
Speaker 2: about in the middle of a tantrum. Let alone like
9:52
Speaker 2: to normalize that tantrums are real when every parent already
9:56
Speaker 2: knows that that's true. I don't need evidence of that
9:58
Speaker 2: to know that it's true. You just have a conversation
10:00
Speaker 2: with another mom and be like, Wow, I had a
10:01
Speaker 2: really shit day today. It was really hard, for sure.
10:04
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to get my camera out when
10:05
Speaker 1: they're having a melt down. No, absolutely not. I feel
10:08
Speaker 1: sad when I see that Sometimes onlines, I'm like, gosh,
10:10
Speaker 1: they don't need a camera in their face. They need
10:12
Speaker 1: you to hold them, you know, yeah, like be there
10:14
Speaker 1: for them. Yeah. So that's why I know my kids
10:16
Speaker 1: are not perfect. They are fighting like absolute cat and
10:18
Speaker 1: dog at the moment. It's been hard lately. I'm being
10:21
Speaker 1: completely honest, But I just don't film them when they're
10:23
Speaker 1: fighting and bickering and having the melt down.
10:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's they trying to be there like something you'll
10:27
Speaker 2: come to me with and be like, oh, I need
10:28
Speaker 2: to let this out literally.
10:29
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, I'm not going to film them. So I
10:32
Speaker 1: know my kids are not perfect. And you see such
10:34
Speaker 1: small simboits of my day.
10:36
Speaker 2: And you know it as well, not just in relation
10:38
Speaker 2: to kids, but everyone in general. Post the highlight reel
10:41
Speaker 2: on social media. Most people do, Yeah, because those are
10:44
Speaker 2: the good moments. People want to share the good moments. Yeah,
10:46
Speaker 2: people still go through hard times. But sometimes people don't
10:48
Speaker 2: want to share that stuff, and that's okay. People don't
10:51
Speaker 2: have to. There's no rules on like how you have
10:53
Speaker 2: to be in show up on social media, especially when
10:55
Speaker 2: it comes to your children. Yeah, you know, you might
10:57
Speaker 2: not want to show whatever it is that you don't
10:59
Speaker 2: want to show on social media, and that's perfectly fine.
11:01
Speaker 2: You don't need to have a reason or explain yourself. Yeah,
11:04
Speaker 2: you do the things you do as a parent, I imagine.
11:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think people forget too. My page is
11:08
Speaker 1: not a family of blocking page. Yes, I don't vlog
11:10
Speaker 1: my whole life just to show my kids off like
11:13
Speaker 1: they're a part of my life, of course, but yeah,
11:15
Speaker 1: look at my page. It's very rare that I actually
11:17
Speaker 1: post them and put them on my page permanently. Yes,
11:19
Speaker 1: because I'm not a family page. It's my life. It's
11:21
Speaker 1: the impact I want to make. It's the things that
11:23
Speaker 1: I'm doing, It's the products that I'm working with or
11:26
Speaker 1: like things that we're building. That's my page in my life.
11:29
Speaker 1: And if they want to do that when they're older,
11:30
Speaker 1: they can, you know. So anyways, that's that one.
11:34
Speaker 2: Then anyways living on the next one.
11:37
Speaker 1: Was on the Gossip podcast as well. They were having
11:40
Speaker 1: strong opinions about how we should have taken our kids
11:42
Speaker 1: to Europe and I was like, okay. So one was saying, oh,
11:46
Speaker 1: but you know, as a mum, I can totally understand
11:48
Speaker 1: why they need to break from their kids and go
11:49
Speaker 1: and experience and have fun. So she was kind of
11:51
Speaker 1: playing Devil's advocate, which was cool because she's got kids.
11:53
Speaker 1: And then the other one was like, oh, but all
11:54
Speaker 1: my kids to experience everything with Like what's the point
11:56
Speaker 1: of having kids if you're not going to experience everything
11:58
Speaker 1: with them? Like don't you want to show them, well,
11:59
Speaker 1: don't want to do this and that? And like, I
12:01
Speaker 1: can see your points are totally valid, and yes, we
12:04
Speaker 1: will be doing that when T was a little bit older. Yeah,
12:06
Speaker 1: but there was also us before we had children. Yes,
12:09
Speaker 1: And I also, as much as I love spending time
12:11
Speaker 1: with my children and building memories of them. I also
12:14
Speaker 1: love doing that with my husband one on one, intimately
12:17
Speaker 1: more sexier, like doing adult things that we wouldn't do
12:20
Speaker 1: with the kids. Why can't I enjoy both? And I
12:23
Speaker 1: also love going with my girlfriends and guess what, I
12:25
Speaker 1: also loved going with my mum. And I also love
12:27
Speaker 1: my own time. I love it all, and I don't
12:29
Speaker 1: believe there's a limit or a cap on what I
12:31
Speaker 1: get to enjoy and where I can have joy and
12:34
Speaker 1: fun and play. Yes, so if you want to just
12:36
Speaker 1: do everything with your kids, amazing. I know plenty of
12:38
Speaker 1: moms to do that. That's great. Good on you. I don't
12:40
Speaker 1: judge you for that. But I like to do other
12:42
Speaker 1: things as well.
12:42
Speaker 2: Yeah.
12:43
Speaker 1: So it's just interesting how strongly people have their opinions.
12:46
Speaker 1: But once again, it doesn't impact you what I do
12:49
Speaker 1: with my life. If I go and have a sexy
12:51
Speaker 1: holiday with my husband, and why are you that concerned? Yeah,
12:54
Speaker 1: it doesn't bother you. Yeah, like I shouldn't bother you. Oh,
12:58
Speaker 1: this is a common one, I get. Oh, she's always
12:59
Speaker 1: out doing things without her kids. Once again, I do
13:02
Speaker 1: do things outside of my children, and I'm allowed too,
13:05
Speaker 1: and I enjoy that. But also when I'm with my kids,
13:08
Speaker 1: I'm not filming them all the time. I'm present with them.
13:11
Speaker 1: So the stuff I share it might look like I'm
13:13
Speaker 1: always at doing stuff, but you also see ten percent
13:15
Speaker 1: of my life. Yes, literally, when I'm at work with you,
13:18
Speaker 1: when we're doing a stay ca here to do the
13:19
Speaker 1: podcast all we can, I'm not on socials that much
13:22
Speaker 1: because I'm just with my kids. Yes, we're not doing anything.
13:24
Speaker 1: We're at home, swing in the pool, kicking the footy
13:26
Speaker 1: out the front, go down to the park, walking the dog. Yeah,
13:28
Speaker 1: doing groceries together, Like it's not something I just feel
13:31
Speaker 1: like I need to get the camera out and film
13:32
Speaker 1: the whole.
13:32
Speaker 2: It's so true as well, especially when we're together and
13:34
Speaker 2: we're in work mode. We're in work mode and we're
13:36
Speaker 2: also filming because you have the freedom to be able.
13:39
Speaker 1: To do that, and it's part of our job to
13:40
Speaker 1: film content and that's right, and it's part of our job.
13:42
Speaker 2: So it's like regimented. We're like, okay, we're on, we're on.
13:45
Speaker 2: We're working now. And then even like as an outsider,
13:48
Speaker 2: I know between a certain time in the day as
13:50
Speaker 2: she won't message me and she'd be like, hey, babe,
13:52
Speaker 2: just letting you know I'm gonna be present with the kids.
13:53
Speaker 2: I'll message you after eight pm. It's once they go
13:55
Speaker 2: down for bed, which really you know, so it's like
13:57
Speaker 2: there's like a good four hour period there where like
13:59
Speaker 2: I don't speak to her unless it's like an absolute emergency.
14:01
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, that's her time with her kids, and
14:03
Speaker 2: that's every single day.
14:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I not to Friday and then all we can
14:06
Speaker 1: I'm with them.
14:07
Speaker 2: Yeah.
14:07
Speaker 1: And if I go for a walk with my girlfriends
14:08
Speaker 1: for an hour in the morning, shoot me, it's one
14:10
Speaker 1: girls coming an hour away from a kid. Yeah, it's
14:13
Speaker 1: just like crazy. We're all guilty of it, but we
14:15
Speaker 1: literally say such a small portion of someone's life. Yes,
14:19
Speaker 1: you just cannot judge and assume anything because you really
14:21
Speaker 1: don't know as much as what you think.
14:23
Speaker 2: And I feel like there's on least so much I
14:24
Speaker 2: can say on this topic as well, because like I'm
14:26
Speaker 2: not a parent, so I'm not going to pretend like
14:28
Speaker 2: I know all the things. But even as somebody who
14:30
Speaker 2: doesn't have children, if I don't do things for myself
14:32
Speaker 2: now without children, I lose my mind.
14:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I.
14:36
Speaker 2: Feel so stretched. I feel more emotional. If I don't
14:39
Speaker 2: go for walks, if I don't do things that fill
14:41
Speaker 2: my cup up, I can so easily fall into a
14:43
Speaker 2: really negative headspace. Now, I imagine bringing children into the
14:46
Speaker 2: mix where you have to be on all the time.
14:48
Speaker 2: You have a twenty four hour job, it doesn't stop,
14:50
Speaker 2: Like your role is literally the most important role in
14:52
Speaker 2: the world of like taking care of these little humans
14:55
Speaker 2: and then try to not have a full cup, you know.
14:58
Speaker 2: And I know like mums and parents and dads, like
15:01
Speaker 2: they all run on empty most of the time because
15:03
Speaker 2: they're doing their best to give all that they can.
15:05
Speaker 2: But it's like I don't understand why there's so much
15:08
Speaker 2: judgment around, like actually wanting to better yourself as a
15:11
Speaker 2: mom because it only makes you show up as a
15:12
Speaker 2: better person anyway, And I imagine it would make you
15:16
Speaker 2: be more present with them, show up more, be happier
15:19
Speaker 2: when you're around patient. I want to spend more time
15:21
Speaker 2: with them because you have that energy, that overflow that
15:24
Speaker 2: you just put all into them anyway.
15:26
Speaker 1: I also think about what I want my kids to
15:29
Speaker 1: value when they're older, and I want them to value themselves. Yeah,
15:32
Speaker 1: I want them to know the importance of taking care
15:34
Speaker 1: of themselves, having passions, hobbies, purpose, to put themselves first,
15:39
Speaker 1: to be able to say yes or no. Tatter lines.
15:41
Speaker 1: I can tell them to do that. They're going to
15:43
Speaker 1: do what I say they're going to do? Is I
15:45
Speaker 1: do Yes. I have to be that walking role model absolutely,
15:48
Speaker 1: so like, yes, it's important even if they're upset. Steve
15:50
Speaker 1: and I go on a date and I'm like, oh,
15:51
Speaker 1: I want you guys home, Like we want to be
15:52
Speaker 1: home with you too. We've got the whole weekend. But
15:54
Speaker 1: it's so important for mom and daddy to stay connected. Yes,
15:56
Speaker 1: we're so much happier and in love and our relationship
15:59
Speaker 1: is really important. We're better parents and I want them
16:02
Speaker 1: to value their relationship and the older I want Taj
16:04
Speaker 1: to put his wife that's the utmost priority and make
16:06
Speaker 1: it feel like a queen and so important and plan
16:09
Speaker 1: date nights and do surprises for her. So we have
16:11
Speaker 1: to like roamodel that.
16:13
Speaker 2: Yeah.
16:13
Speaker 1: I really struggle to understand how parents can't see that,
16:17
Speaker 1: But it's all from a good place. I think most
16:19
Speaker 1: parents like, oh, I've spent every week in moment with
16:21
Speaker 1: my kids, like they will feel really loved.
16:22
Speaker 2: Yes, I want to be there for them.
16:23
Speaker 1: Don't want to miss a moment, Yeah, for sure. But
16:26
Speaker 1: I just think about what I value on what I
16:28
Speaker 1: would like my kids to have when they're older, and
16:29
Speaker 1: I want them to have all of that.
16:31
Speaker 2: It definitely all comes from a good place. But then
16:33
Speaker 2: there's a lack of accountability when it turns into a projection.
16:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, when it.
16:36
Speaker 2: Turns into her you should be doing this, and why
16:38
Speaker 2: aren't you doing that? That's so shit that you're doing that.
16:40
Speaker 2: It's like no, Like, yes, how you're feeling is not
16:43
Speaker 2: because of what somebody else is doing. It's because of
16:45
Speaker 2: how you feel it. It's something inside of you that
16:47
Speaker 2: hasn't been looked at that you can look at that
16:50
Speaker 2: will stop you from feeling that way of being triggered
16:52
Speaker 2: when other people, other parents are doing things that they
16:54
Speaker 2: want to do well other people in general.
16:56
Speaker 1: We have a chance to break cycles as well. My
16:59
Speaker 1: mum never put herself first, never put her health first,
17:02
Speaker 1: never put her mental health first. Passions, hobbies, careers, all
17:06
Speaker 1: the things. And there was a lot of resentment of
17:09
Speaker 1: her and sadness there when she went through a divorce.
17:10
Speaker 1: She didn't know who she was. It's like, I've just
17:12
Speaker 1: dedicated my life to working NonStop, being in an unhappy
17:15
Speaker 1: relationship where I wasn't treated nicely, didn't think I was
17:18
Speaker 1: worth anything, never put myself first, and then gave everything
17:22
Speaker 1: else to my children and now what And it was
17:24
Speaker 1: like a long, hard journey for her to like actually,
17:26
Speaker 1: even now, she still feels bad. She doesn't feel like
17:28
Speaker 1: she's worthy of going to get a massage. I feel
17:30
Speaker 1: like she's worthy of taking care of herself. I've seen
17:34
Speaker 1: that growing up, and I'm like, I want more for
17:36
Speaker 1: myself and I want my kids. I want to break
17:38
Speaker 1: that cycle, so my kids do it differently. But it
17:40
Speaker 1: starts with me. And it's not to judge my mom
17:42
Speaker 1: or anything. Like she did everything from a good place
17:44
Speaker 1: and thought she was doing the best she could and
17:46
Speaker 1: had very little support, and she was in full survival
17:48
Speaker 1: motor the whole time. She's done an amazing job. But
17:51
Speaker 1: as a mum, now I witnessed all of that. I'm
17:52
Speaker 1: I'm going to do things differently. I want my kids
17:55
Speaker 1: to grow up and not feeling guilty for doing things
17:57
Speaker 1: for themselves because they are important. And you can't pour
17:59
Speaker 1: from a empty cup. Well, mums can, but you're not
18:01
Speaker 1: doing the best job that you want to be. You're
18:03
Speaker 1: not feeling your best seeing that, and your kids are
18:06
Speaker 1: feeling that. So yeah, it's a conscious decision. Yeah, yeah,
18:10
Speaker 1: this is an interesting one. I don't get this too much,
18:13
Speaker 1: but I have seen this a lot online. It's when
18:16
Speaker 1: mothers share too much of their kids, but then don't
18:20
Speaker 1: share enough. It's like both sides of the coin, whether
18:23
Speaker 1: you share them or it's like, oh, you're exploiting them
18:26
Speaker 1: and you're selling them and you're doing this and that.
18:27
Speaker 1: Then if you don't share them, what she hiding or
18:30
Speaker 1: are you ashamed of your kids.
18:31
Speaker 2: Or what's going on behind closed door?
18:33
Speaker 1: You're not with your kids enough, Like you must be socializing.
18:36
Speaker 1: Like the comments that I get, you know, you never
18:38
Speaker 1: with your children because you never show them. Yeah, it's like,
18:40
Speaker 1: no matter what you do, someone's gonna find something wrong
18:42
Speaker 1: with it. But once again, you see such a small
18:45
Speaker 1: part of it. Yeah, you know, this is interesting.
18:48
Speaker 2: It's just a tough one. Hey, it does It really
18:50
Speaker 2: doesn't matter what you do. No, you're going to talk
18:52
Speaker 2: about it based on their perception and how they see things.
18:54
Speaker 1: Yes, And it's like what' said old saying, you could
18:57
Speaker 1: be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there'll
18:59
Speaker 1: still be someone that just doesn't like pictures. So true, right, Yeah, yeah,
19:05
Speaker 1: I think this son's a funny one. You shouldn't wear
19:07
Speaker 1: that as a mum?
19:08
Speaker 2: Who said that?
19:09
Speaker 1: I get it all the time. It's wild as with
19:12
Speaker 1: that to school? You shouldn't be showing cleavage, Like why
19:14
Speaker 1: are you wearing that? Sixteen year olds wear that, but
19:16
Speaker 1: it's an outfit of the day. And I was wearing
19:17
Speaker 1: a dress from so Prey and they're like, how old
19:19
Speaker 1: are you? Didn't you shop there when you were a teenager?
19:20
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I do, and I still love it?
19:22
Speaker 1: How cool? Like who made the rule that when you
19:25
Speaker 1: hit a certain age you can't shop at the Prey? Yes,
19:27
Speaker 1: so you can't wear a tight fitted dress, you can't
19:29
Speaker 1: show cleavage, you have.
19:29
Speaker 2: To dress a certain way.
19:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like what do you want me to wear a move?
19:32
Speaker 1: Is that what mums wear? Yeah? Is that our uniform?
19:34
Speaker 2: Now I'm going to cover myself from my neck to
19:36
Speaker 2: my feet?
19:36
Speaker 1: Is that a badge of honor? That wear a mum
19:38
Speaker 1: and now we cover up? I thank you. You can
19:40
Speaker 1: if you want to do that, by all means you
19:42
Speaker 1: do you boo? I'm not Yeah, for as long as
19:44
Speaker 1: I feel confident in my skin, I feel well what
19:46
Speaker 1: it makes me feel confident, and outside of being a mum,
19:49
Speaker 1: I like to feel sexy, I like to feel confident.
19:51
Speaker 1: I like to feel good.
19:52
Speaker 2: So this comes in that conversation if you're not just
19:54
Speaker 2: a mum, Yes, you have so many other hats. You
19:57
Speaker 2: wear so many other hats. There's so many different sides
19:59
Speaker 2: of your personality or not just you, but women in general.
20:01
Speaker 1: Same.
20:02
Speaker 2: I can imagine how that comes about. But it's like,
20:05
Speaker 2: you don't have to follow the rules of what most
20:07
Speaker 2: people do. Can always create new rule book for yourself. Yeah,
20:11
Speaker 2: however feels good for you. Whatever you want to do,
20:13
Speaker 2: the way that you want to live your life, the
20:15
Speaker 2: way that you want to feel in your own body, like,
20:16
Speaker 2: you get to choose that.
20:17
Speaker 1: The rebellion me when someone says you can't wear that,
20:19
Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh, you don't like this? What should I
20:21
Speaker 1: wear tomorrow?
20:22
Speaker 2: Colors?
20:23
Speaker 1: Yeah? Literally, don't like this? Cleavage made you what I've
20:26
Speaker 1: got flap dad. I just I want every mom to
20:31
Speaker 1: know there is no rules on what you want to wear.
20:33
Speaker 1: Whatever you feel comfortable in. If that's a beautiful, flowy dress, amazing,
20:36
Speaker 1: if that's active We're cool. If that's a low cut
20:38
Speaker 1: top and you just got your boobs done, great, you're
20:40
Speaker 1: gonna wear fake tan and lots of makeup. Awesome. If
20:44
Speaker 1: it's a moomoo amazing, wear whatever you want to wear.
20:47
Speaker 1: Why would it impact me what you wear? Why does
20:49
Speaker 1: it impact you what I wear? Actually, if you ask yourself,
20:51
Speaker 1: like what is being triggered within you? Like why does
20:53
Speaker 1: it bother you enough to actually say something? There's something
20:56
Speaker 1: there for you to look absolutely you know yep. Because
20:59
Speaker 1: when I see other moms, I'm like, damn.
21:00
Speaker 2: Milk, Yeah, you like, get a girl, get a girl.
21:03
Speaker 1: Amazing you pop three kids? Like your system? Like, yes,
21:06
Speaker 1: were kids? Are that bodying? You of abs? Wow?
21:08
Speaker 2: I know Chant is insane in the way she takes
21:11
Speaker 2: care of herself, and like just the fact that she
21:13
Speaker 2: has three kids under six, I'm just like wild get it.
21:16
Speaker 1: Like I do not look at her and be like, oh,
21:17
Speaker 1: she shouldn't wear a little boy shots. I'm like, don't
21:19
Speaker 1: wear those booty shots. Why would you not flaunt that body?
21:23
Speaker 1: Damn girl? And then kind of goes back to the
21:26
Speaker 1: other one that I've already said is like when people
21:28
Speaker 1: say I could never, I could never leave my kids.
21:32
Speaker 1: I could never leave my kids over night. I could
21:34
Speaker 1: never leave my kids for a holiday. I could never
21:35
Speaker 1: leave my kids to go to work. That's cool, But
21:38
Speaker 1: I do, and I'm going to do it more, and
21:41
Speaker 1: I have no guilt and no shame about it. Once again,
21:44
Speaker 1: you live your life. I live mine. Whatever feels good
21:46
Speaker 1: for you, whatever you believe in, it shouldn't bother you.
21:48
Speaker 1: What I do, though, what other mums.
21:49
Speaker 2: Do, And honestly, no offense, but I don't believe in
21:51
Speaker 2: absolute statements.
21:52
Speaker 1: No saying never always should.
21:55
Speaker 2: You're telling a fib.
21:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a fib.
21:57
Speaker 2: It's a lie, you know, because it's an absolute statement.
22:00
Speaker 2: You're literally saying I would never do that, and.
22:02
Speaker 1: That's not true.
22:03
Speaker 2: No, or I always do. There's likely times where you don't.
22:06
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly.
22:07
Speaker 2: And I call myself out on that too, just saying
22:09
Speaker 2: it to you guys like it's because I hold myself
22:12
Speaker 2: to that standard. I'm like, oh, when I catch myself
22:13
Speaker 2: save that, I'm like, no, that's not true.
22:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually have done it before. You know what,
22:17
Speaker 1: that's a bit of a lie.
22:17
Speaker 2: I was trying to make it sound better, yes, you know.
22:19
Speaker 1: Because I've got good self awareness though, yes, so, yeah,
22:22
Speaker 1: it is a big statement. Hey, I would never. Yeah,
22:24
Speaker 1: so you wouldn't if it was your best friend's hens
22:28
Speaker 1: you were a maid of honor and she wanted you
22:30
Speaker 1: to go away for a night to celebrate, like you
22:31
Speaker 1: wouldn't go? Okay, I would? Yeah I did last weekend. Yeah,
22:37
Speaker 1: I celebrated Chezy. You had the best time with her,
22:39
Speaker 1: you know, made her feel special, planned it for months.
22:42
Speaker 1: Yeah I did. Yeah, that's my last one. So if
22:46
Speaker 1: you are a mom out there, you're getting lots of
22:48
Speaker 1: judgments and projections, just please know that it's honestly got
22:51
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Yeah, and you get to
22:52
Speaker 1: make motherhood your own way, make your own rule book
22:54
Speaker 1: for whatever works for your family, your situation, your culture,
22:58
Speaker 1: the way you want to bring them up. It's totally
22:59
Speaker 1: up to you, and you do you absolutely No, you're
23:01
Speaker 1: doing an amazing job too, and you know it as well.
23:03
Speaker 2: Just because somebody says something or something to say about
23:06
Speaker 2: what you're choosing doesn't mean it's wrong. No, it doesn't
23:08
Speaker 2: make it wrong, doesn't mean that what you're doing is
23:10
Speaker 2: something that you should stop doing. It just becaus if
23:11
Speaker 2: somebody has an opinion about it. And that's also Okay,
23:14
Speaker 2: you know what's going to be important is like whether
23:16
Speaker 2: you let yourself wobble in that or not, Like you're
23:18
Speaker 2: gonna wobble in what's important to you just because somebody
23:21
Speaker 2: has something to say about it. Yeah, be willing to
23:23
Speaker 2: stand behind what you believe in.
23:24
Speaker 1: But if you do wobble, sometimes I think that's like, oh,
23:26
Speaker 1: maybe you do believe part of what they're saying. Yes, So,
23:29
Speaker 1: like say, if I have been away, there's definitely been
23:31
Speaker 1: periods I've been a month for over ten years now.
23:34
Speaker 1: There has definitely been periods where I've had to go
23:36
Speaker 1: away from work more more often. I miss the kids.
23:39
Speaker 1: I want to be with them. So if someone says like, oh,
23:40
Speaker 1: you're always away from the kid, and if I get triggered,
23:42
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, I do miss them. I do
23:44
Speaker 1: wish I didn't have to go away so much trouble,
23:46
Speaker 1: wasn't so busy in this particular season. Yeah, but I
23:49
Speaker 1: also know that in the scheme of their life, me
23:51
Speaker 1: having a couple of work trips or having some couple
23:53
Speaker 1: of longer days, it's not that big a deal. And
23:55
Speaker 1: next month's going to be quieter and I'll get way
23:57
Speaker 1: more time with them. Yes, but if you are getting triggered,
24:00
Speaker 1: just know that there's something within you that maybe doesn't
24:02
Speaker 1: feel right. And that's a little like a little notification. Okay,
24:05
Speaker 1: this isn't working. How can you shuffle around? What can
24:07
Speaker 1: you do to make this feel better? Yeah? You know,
24:09
Speaker 1: so that's cool as well. Triggers are an invitation to
24:11
Speaker 1: see what's underneath it for you absolutely, as well as
24:14
Speaker 1: it being their projection, you can also look within. Never
24:17
Speaker 1: doesn't bother you? Cool? Move on, return to sender. Thanks, no, thanks, goodbye,
24:24
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us. We will see you all tomorrow
24:27
Speaker 1: for our Bestie segment. Bye bye,