Latest / Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic / 54: Why You Can't Get Enough of What Almost Works

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54: Why You Can't Get Enough of What Almost Works · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:03
  Tania: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:10
  Tania: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:21
  Tania: Let's jump in.
• 0:28
  Tania: Good morning, friends.
• 0:30
  Tania: I came across a quote the other day that really landed in a deep way: "It's hard to get enough of something that almost works." I read it once, and then I read it again.
• 0:42
  Tania: "It's hard to get enough of something that almost works." And I thought, "Good Lord, in 10 words, someone has just explained more than 20 years of my bulimia." And The more I sat with it, the more I realized this isn't just about eating disorders or even addiction in general.
• 1:01
  Tania: It's about so many of the things we all turn to when we're just trying to feel a little bit better.
• 1:06
  Tania: It's hard to get enough of something that almost works.
• 1:11
  Tania: Maybe that's the glass of wine that has now become three glasses, or the quick check of social media that somehow turns into two hours of scrolling, or the eight-minute snooze that becomes an hour.
• 1:25
  Tania: Now, just to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wine or social media or hitting snooze.
• 1:32
  Tania: The question isn't whether these things are good or bad.
• 1:36
  Tania: The question is, what job are they doing for us?
• 1:40
  Tania: A glass of wine to celebrate with friends is very different from the one you reach for at the end of the day because you're trying to escape the stress of your job.
• 1:48
  Tania: Or scrolling because you're just relaxing and enjoying a few moments online is different from scrolling because you're trying not to feel lonely or bored or maybe purposeless.
• 2:00
  Tania: Hitting snooze because your body really needs just a few more moments of rest is different from delaying the start of your day because you're already anxious about what's waiting for you.
• 2:12
  Tania: The behavior may look the same on the outside, but what's driving it underneath can be completely different.
• 2:20
  Tania: One of the reasons these habits can become so addictive is because they work, at least for a little while.
• 2:27
  Tania: They offer a temporary reprieve.
• 2:30
  Tania: When I was deep in my eating disorder, binging and purging helped me numb fear.
• 2:37
  Tania: It helped me numb anxiety, loneliness, and just emotional pain in general.
• 2:41
  Tania: Until, of course, it didn't.
• 2:44
  Tania: The relief never lasted.
• 2:46
  Tania: But to my brain, it worked just enough to keep me coming back again, and again, and yet again.
• 2:54
  Tania: Actually, at one point in my life, I was binging and purging fifteen to twenty times a day, forever filling and emptying my stomach while completely starving my soul.
• 3:06
  Tania: And I say all this with so much compassion because I think many of us have our own version of something that almost works.
• 3:15
  Tania: Maybe like me, it's overeating.
• 3:17
  Tania: Maybe it's overspending or overworking or scrolling or staying busy every waking minute of the day.
• 3:26
  Tania: These habits aren't random.
• 3:29
  Tania: They're usually trying to solve a very real problem Now these days, thankfully, my life looks very different.
• 3:37
  Tania: I no longer struggle with bulimia, but that quote still applies actually in many areas of my life.
• 3:44
  Tania: Just this morning, I found myself really wanting to eat an entire chocolate bar with my morning coffee And before I go any further, let's just take a moment to acknowledge that, yes, chocolate and coffee are a damn good flavor combination.
• 3:58
  Tania: But before I went for it, I paused for a moment and checked in with myself.
• 4:03
  Tania: Was this simply a treat?
• 4:05
  Tania: Because if it had been just a treat, I would have enjoyed it without the slightest bit of guilt.
• 4:10
  Tania: Or was it actually trying to do something else?
• 4:14
  Tania: And as I sat with the question, I realized there was this quiet loneliness sitting in my heart when I woke up.
• 4:21
  Tania: And suddenly the chocolate made sense.
• 4:24
  Tania: And it was never about the chocolate.
• 4:27
  Tania: It was about trying not to feel lonely.
• 4:29
  Tania: That awareness gave me a choice, not shame or guilt, just a choice.
• 4:35
  Tania: I could eat the chocolate.
• 4:37
  Tania: I could sit with the loneliness for a while.
• 4:41
  Tania: I could journal.
• 4:42
  Tania: Or maybe I could do something that addresses the loneliness more directly.
• 4:46
  Tania: So I called a friend and I went for a walk through a beautiful green space near my home.
• 4:51
  Tania: And that felt really good.
• 4:54
  Tania: And just so you know, when I got back, I still had some chocolate.
• 4:59
  Tania: I melted some and drizzled it over my French toast breakfast and I enjoyed every single bite.
• 5:06
  Tania: The difference was I wasn't asking the chocolate to do a job it could never really do because you can never get enough of something that almost works.
• 5:17
  Tania: So today I invite you to get curious.
• 5:21
  Tania: Is there a habit in your life that keeps pulling you back?
• 5:24
  Tania: Something that offers temporary relief but never really satisfies?
• 5:29
  Tania: If so, maybe ask yourself one simple question.
• 5:33
  Tania: What need am I really trying to meet right now?
• 5:37
  Tania: Now, that question isn't a magic wand.
• 5:41
  Tania: You may still choose the glass of wine or the chocolate or the scrolling.
• 5:45
  Tania: And if you do, I hope you'll do it with awareness and compassion instead of judgment.
• 5:50
  Tania: But you might also discover that what you're really craving isn't chocolate or Instagram or another purchase or another drink.
• 5:59
  Tania: Maybe you're craving rest or connection or comfort or a greater sense of purpose.
• 6:05
  Tania: And maybe you're not breaking these habits, not because you lack willpower, but simply because it's trying to solve the wrong problem.
• 6:17
  Tania: And when we begin to understand what we truly need, sometimes we realize that we've just been asking the wrong thing to meet our need all along, and that opens the door to finding something that actually does help okay.
• 6:32
  Tania: God bless.
• 6:33
  Tania: Have a good one.
• 6:39
  Tania: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 6:41
  Tania: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 6:45
  Tania: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 6:48
  Tania: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 6:52
  Tania: I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 6:56
  Tania: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.