Latest / Blush / The One Trait That Will *Instantly* Make You More Likable

Transcript

The One Trait That Will *Instantly* Make You More Likable · Blush

• 0:00
  I made a change recently in my life that I genuinely think made
• 0:03
  Ozzy love me so much more. And I want to share what it.
• 0:08
  Is because I think he. Can help you be more.
• 0:12
  Liked too, whether you're trying to find a partner or you're
• 0:16
  just. Trying to have more friends.
• 0:17
  Or advance in your career. Whatever it may be being.
• 0:21
  Liked is unfortunately really important.
• 0:24
  I say unfortunately because I don't think.
• 0:26
  I'm a very likable person. But this one change that I've
• 0:30
  made has. Really really helped me.
• 0:32
  So I'm going to share it with you.
• 0:40
  So before I get into what the change is, let me give you a
• 0:43
  little bit of background and then a little bit of context.
• 0:46
  So. If you're new here.
• 0:49
  You may not know this about me, but I can.
• 0:51
  Be a very negative kind of. Curmudgeon, E kind of person.
• 0:56
  I complain a lot if you've been listening.
• 0:58
  For a while, you know. Your girl can complain.
• 1:01
  OK. I think the height of it was
• 1:04
  2020. 4 Now was that a really, really hard year for me?
• 1:07
  Yes, again, if you're new here and you.
• 1:09
  Don't know the context. My dog Sam, who is actually
• 1:13
  sitting at my feet, but I'm pretty sure it's out of frame.
• 1:16
  She, I mean, she's had health. Issues for so long, but in 2024
• 1:21
  she started getting. These chronic UTI's and.
• 1:24
  For whatever reason, we couldn't.
• 1:25
  Diagnose it as a U. TI for months and months and
• 1:28
  months. So she was just having gnarly,
• 1:31
  like hard to. Believe level accidents like
• 1:34
  she. Was just in a.
• 1:36
  Constant state of peeing basically, and I was.
• 1:38
  Taking her out so much and I still.
• 1:40
  Couldn't get ahead of the accidents and like.
• 1:44
  I would wake up in. The middle of the night and take
• 1:46
  her out into the streets of Manhattan and then on top of
• 1:49
  that my. Dog shaped piece of fuck.
• 1:52
  Neighbors. I love when I just come up with
• 1:54
  new curse where it's piece of fuck.
• 1:56
  I I don't hate it. Really put a.
• 2:00
  Lot more, well, one person specifically put a lot more
• 2:04
  pressure. On me like I think if I just
• 2:06
  like. Hadn't cared.
• 2:07
  It would have been. It would have been so.
• 2:09
  Different, but I was in constant fear that she would have an
• 2:13
  accident in the elevator or in the lobby on our way out.
• 2:16
  By the way, the cleaning lady thought that this was.
• 2:19
  Aesthetically pleasing. And quite frankly, we have.
• 2:22
  Too much going on for me to address it.
• 2:24
  Right now, so I'm sorry if. The overwhelming number of dried
• 2:30
  flowers is distracting from what we're doing here.
• 2:36
  Anyway, so. It's like actually distracting.
• 2:41
  Me, I was like, wait. Did I just step into at sea OK?
• 2:46
  So I was. Constantly so stressed.
• 2:51
  I I I'm just like complaining all over again.
• 2:53
  Anyway, I was so stressed about like getting her outside and
• 2:57
  like not getting an accident along the way and like.
• 2:59
  They weren't even complaining. About her her having accidents
• 3:01
  inside. They were.
• 3:02
  Complaining about her peeing. Right outside the door.
• 3:05
  I was like do. You know what?
• 3:06
  Like you were so lucky. This witch hasn't.
• 3:08
  Peed in that elevator. OK, I've been in the elevator
• 3:12
  three times that year. Anyway, this is neither here nor
• 3:15
  there that year I remember I. Would and my.
• 3:19
  Mental health was so low. I mean I was getting no sleep.
• 3:23
  I was just running on empty like I didn't.
• 3:25
  Realize quite how depleted I was, but by the end of the year
• 3:28
  trigger warning I. Was like fully suicidal like
• 3:31
  that's how bad my mental health was that year really.
• 3:35
  Rough year for me. Anyway, I that year remember I.
• 3:41
  Was suffering so much that I. Really couldn't even see outside
• 3:45
  of my pain. Like it really felt like.
• 3:47
  I was like I logically. Knew.
• 3:51
  That there were plenty of people around the world who probably
• 3:54
  had it a lot worse than me. But all I could see.
• 3:57
  Feel here, understand was my own pain, like that's all that I
• 4:00
  could. See, and it really made.
• 4:03
  Me a nightmare to be around. And The thing is, like, I've
• 4:06
  always kind of been like that. Like that, that is just kind of
• 4:09
  my baseline. Anyway, Fast forward to this
• 4:12
  year. So when I got back from
• 4:13
  Australia the beginning of the year.
• 4:16
  Sam, in my opinion, had. Aged quite a bit during the one
• 4:21
  month that I was gone like it was.
• 4:23
  Kind of a. Shocking difference to me.
• 4:25
  And one thing that was. Really notably different.
• 4:28
  Was that she can No. Longer stand on the wood, let
• 4:32
  alone walk on the wood like she like she just she has to be on
• 4:37
  carpet and even then she can barely stand and walk.
• 4:40
  And I mean she used to. To be paralyzed and stuff.
• 4:42
  So like that concept is nothing new.
• 4:44
  To me, but just the. Extremity with the wood was
• 4:47
  quite shocking to me and I have hardwood floors everywhere and
• 4:51
  you know there are rugs some places but she also.
• 4:53
  Has a lot of. Accidents.
• 4:54
  So it's like not entirely appealing to put down more rugs
• 4:58
  Anyway, so I come back and. Like the first day?
• 5:04
  That we're back together. I went out to run an errand.
• 5:07
  I was gone for literally 10 minutes.
• 5:08
  I'm not. Even joking 10.
• 5:10
  Minutes I come back in wait, can I go on a little bit of a
• 5:13
  tangent and just. Like a, like a completely.
• 5:18
  Unrelated, but it just has to be said.
• 5:21
  I don't talk politics much, if at all.
• 5:23
  Hold on. I really want to readjust Sam.
• 5:24
  I don't like how she's lying. I love you.
• 5:35
  Good job. Good job.
• 5:37
  Thank you. OK, I'm so sorry.
• 5:39
  About that. So Exhibit A Sam has.
• 5:44
  Accents. Anyway, oh OK, my tangent OK.
• 5:49
  So I'm recording this. The day before the podcast comes
• 5:52
  out, so it's the day after the Super Bowl.
• 5:54
  Now I will say I did not watch the Super Bowl, nor did I watch
• 5:58
  Bad Bunny. Not.
• 6:00
  For any reason other than I didn't want to.
• 6:04
  No, no. The real.
• 6:06
  Reason is because I wanted to get in the sauna.
• 6:08
  And get into bed and it was like past screen time and I just.
• 6:11
  Like, Ozzie's out of town. Like I just didn't really feel
• 6:13
  like. Doing anything?
• 6:14
  So like it like if I'd gone to do something.
• 6:17
  With friends or whatever I would have watched, but I didn't
• 6:20
  anyway. And I will say, like, I'm not
• 6:23
  the most familiar with Bad Bunny and I'd like to think that
• 6:27
  doesn't. Come from a racist.
• 6:29
  Place I like really am not like. Super up on contemporary.
• 6:34
  Music is the. Truth.
• 6:35
  Like actually can I? Say something that's kind of
• 6:37
  wild. I don't.
• 6:38
  Listen to that much music. And I know that's like kind of.
• 6:41
  Weird like I know everyone. 'S like a music girly.
• 6:44
  And like a festival girly. And like a concert I'm none of.
• 6:47
  Those things OK, I used. To think I was.
• 6:49
  I used to. Pretend I was like I like.
• 6:50
  Followed fish around on tour for years of my life.
• 6:54
  And now I'm like. I'd be happy.
• 6:56
  Never going to a concert. Again, that being said, I.
• 6:59
  Did go to see Tame Impala a few months ago when I like had so
• 7:02
  much fun. So you know, I'm full of
• 7:04
  inconsistencies. Anyway, I'm not like super up on
• 7:07
  contemporary. Music like I think I I know.
• 7:10
  Some of his music, obviously, he was like wildly.
• 7:12
  Popular. But I don't know like that much
• 7:15
  of his music but. I loved that he was performing
• 7:21
  at the Super Bowl because I know it pissed off a bunch of like.
• 7:27
  The Hotties. The Farsi word for like trash
• 7:33
  trashy. People like.
• 7:35
  Kind of like rednecky trashy. People, you know, like bigoted.
• 7:39
  People, but I'm just going to say it like I I love that it
• 7:42
  pissed those people off anyway, so Jill Zarin post something I
• 7:48
  was like fucking at 12 out of 10 when I saw this where she's just
• 7:53
  like going on and on about. How like that?
• 7:56
  She couldn't. Understand any of it, which, OK,
• 7:59
  whatever. And then she goes, There were no
• 8:02
  white people up there with him. That.
• 8:06
  One sentence I can't unhear. Like I.
• 8:14
  Have completely changed my stance.
• 8:16
  I fully believe in cancel culture.
• 8:17
  Like I think she should be cancelled for that.
• 8:20
  And here's the thing. Here's.
• 8:21
  Why it bothers me so much? It's not that she thinks it or
• 8:25
  anything like that, like there are racist people everywhere.
• 8:28
  It's the fact that she's so racist that she doesn't even
• 8:32
  understand. That what she said is racist.
• 8:36
  That's what's fucking with my head.
• 8:39
  Did she cause like if she knew it was racist?
• 8:42
  She wouldn't have said it publicly, you know what I mean?
• 8:44
  She would have said it to her friends, but she wouldn't have.
• 8:46
  Posted it 'cause she doesn't. Want to get cancelled?
• 8:48
  You know what I mean? No one wants to get cancelled,
• 8:51
  so she would. Have never publicly.
• 8:53
  Said something that she. She was fully.
• 8:54
  Aware was racist. But she is so bigoted that she
• 8:58
  actually genuinely. Doesn't understand that what she
• 9:01
  said is racist and that. Is one of the most.
• 9:04
  Shocking and disturbing things I've ever heard in my entire
• 9:07
  life and like. It's just like if you.
• 9:09
  Can't understand that it's racist to say there were no.
• 9:13
  White people like I literally. Don't know how to talk to you or
• 9:16
  interact? With you like that, like she
• 9:18
  really deserves. To be cancelled.
• 9:20
  Like she really does. And if she, like I always said,
• 9:23
  I'm. Anti cancel culture.
• 9:25
  Because I feel like for a long time we were.
• 9:27
  Using cancel culture on people. That I like.
• 9:30
  No, I'm just kidding on situations where someone like
• 9:33
  tweeted something when they were. 19 and now they're 35 and
• 9:37
  we're like, oh, let's cancel them for that.
• 9:39
  And that I'm not into like I think that's stupid.
• 9:41
  Like it's like a weird witch hunt.
• 9:43
  Like people, everyone. Like do you know how much fucked
• 9:46
  up shit I've? Said and done in my past.
• 9:49
  All of it I'm sure you could find like I.
• 9:51
  Used to work for a fucking conservative think tank.
• 9:55
  OK, I. Worked for the organization that
• 9:58
  is responsible for the Iraq war, according to some people.
• 10:03
  Like I, and A lot of mine came from a place of like.
• 10:08
  I was actually talking about this with a friend yesterday.
• 10:09
  I love how we've gone on this full fucking.
• 10:11
  Detour, but I think. That a lot of brown people can
• 10:15
  often times be more racist than white.
• 10:17
  People. And I actually think it comes.
• 10:19
  From this like kind of innocent and sweet place where you just.
• 10:22
  Want to be like, no, I'm marked safe.
• 10:25
  Like, look, I'm more like you than I am like these other
• 10:28
  people. So like I've certainly like I
• 10:32
  used. To say like really anti like
• 10:34
  Islam things really anti Middle East things like I like I, you
• 10:41
  know, I like literally just trying to mark myself safe like
• 10:44
  my. First years in America were.
• 10:47
  Under Bush's America, which was a highly conservative time and
• 10:51
  people. Fucking hated Middle Eastern
• 10:53
  people like 911 it just happened like.
• 10:56
  It was not a good. Time, you know.
• 11:01
  Anyway, I'm not trying to like justify it, I'm just.
• 11:03
  Saying like I actually. Think that I'm a pretty
• 11:05
  progressive person but. I know I've.
• 11:08
  Said so many fucked up things in my past.
• 11:10
  To the point where someone I used to be.
• 11:13
  Well, someone I'm really close with now.
• 11:15
  But someone? Who I know from a long, long
• 11:18
  time. Ago and we like drifted as
• 11:21
  people do we? Don't like we haven't lived in
• 11:23
  the same city in a really long time, but now we're really.
• 11:27
  Close again, so she told. Me somewhat recently that she's
• 11:30
  transitioning and my first thought was holy shit.
• 11:34
  What fucked up transphobic homophobic things did I say back
• 11:40
  in? Those days.
• 11:42
  And I instantly was like if I. Said anything back then?
• 11:45
  I'm so sorry, I was. Such an asshole.
• 11:48
  Like I just thought it. Was like cool.
• 11:50
  To be like different and like negative and contrarian and
• 11:54
  just. Like like I thought it.
• 11:56
  Made me like less basic like it honestly, a lot of it came from
• 12:00
  a place of like internalized misogyny along with like
• 12:03
  internalized racism and internalized Islamophobia and
• 12:06
  you know what I mean? All those things but it.
• 12:08
  Was like a way of me trying to be like, look, I'm like cool.
• 12:11
  And edgy and whatever. So.
• 12:13
  This is all to say, I think the reason that I.
• 12:16
  Was always like so anti cancel culture is.
• 12:18
  Because I just think it's stupid to dig up.
• 12:20
  Something from someone's past and be like, oh, let's.
• 12:23
  Cancel them, but I think it's very different.
• 12:25
  When it's someone's present. And it's also, or if it's
• 12:30
  someone's past and they like haven't apologized for it,
• 12:32
  right? Like there's a podcast that I
• 12:34
  used to listen to and I stopped listening to it even though in
• 12:38
  this one girl. It's like 2 Sisters.
• 12:40
  Who hosted? You can kind of figure out what
• 12:42
  I'm. Talking about if you wanted.
• 12:43
  To and one of them was like. Super super cancelled once.
• 12:48
  And came back from it. And she did.
• 12:50
  Apologize for what she was cancelled for, but.
• 12:52
  The thing is like. She is racist.
• 12:56
  Like I'm just going to say and. She's racist.
• 12:58
  She's bigoted in many, many. Ways and.
• 13:01
  I stopped listening to the podcast because I was like no
• 13:03
  that. Cancellation wasn't a historic.
• 13:05
  Thing like they're bigoted. People like this is what?
• 13:08
  Like they're bigoted. They're so entrenched in their
• 13:12
  views that they. Can't even be ideologically.
• 13:15
  Consistent, which is something that I like, I really judge
• 13:19
  people for on all. Sides, by the way, and we all do
• 13:22
  some level of it anyway. So yeah, I like, I'm just going
• 13:26
  to come out and say it. I.
• 13:27
  Think we should like not like cancel people, but if your.
• 13:31
  Values don't. Align with someone I think.
• 13:33
  That's a really good reason to not support them if you choose
• 13:37
  to not support them. At the same time.
• 13:38
  I'm like not going to judge you for supporting.
• 13:40
  Them like if you want to go to. Chick-fil-A, I get it.
• 13:42
  Like they make a good chicken sandwich, you know what I mean?
• 13:46
  But also like, I think we should kill.
• 13:50
  I'm just kidding. I'm just.
• 13:51
  Kidding. I'm just kidding.
• 13:52
  Violence is never the answer. Neither is like.
• 13:55
  Rage DM ING rage commenting any of these things.
• 13:58
  Although I do think it has like a little bit of a benefit in
• 14:02
  that it at least makes. People publicly act right,
• 14:05
  usually. Which is good, but I don't think
• 14:09
  like you should like, you know, again, like I don't like if
• 14:13
  something comes. Out that someone did.
• 14:15
  And then they. Learn from it and they.
• 14:17
  Apologize like, let's say Jill. 'S there and now goes and takes
• 14:20
  like sensitivity training and like to actually like really
• 14:25
  does the work to understand why she's what she said was fucked
• 14:28
  up and goes and like spends time like volunteering and minority.
• 14:32
  Communities and things like that.
• 14:34
  Then we forgive her. We don't just like.
• 14:36
  Hold on to it forever either, right?
• 14:39
  OK. Anyway, OK.
• 14:42
  So. Coming back to the point of this
• 14:44
  podcast. Which quite literally is not one
• 14:47
  thing to do with this. Although I will say, as I was
• 14:49
  talking about how I used to be, I see a bit of a.
• 14:52
  Parallel between that and what I'm about to say.
• 14:55
  OK. So basically I come back, things
• 15:01
  are pretty challenging with Sam. And there was this one.
• 15:04
  One day my mom was like, hey, like, how was Sam?
• 15:07
  Sorry, I'm laughing because I was thinking, oh this was
• 15:10
  probably on our like 14th. Phone call of the day.
• 15:13
  But she's like, how's Sam? And I was like, oh, you know,
• 15:16
  like it's challenging because this, this and this, but.
• 15:18
  I think she's really happy. And my mom's like.
• 15:20
  No, Sam's always really happy like Sam is.
• 15:23
  Just grateful to be. Here, like that's all that she
• 15:25
  sees. She doesn't even see need the
• 15:27
  downsides like she. Truly.
• 15:29
  Just lives in the present. Moment like she's not.
• 15:31
  Out here, like thinking about what happened in the past, She's
• 15:34
  not out here worried about the. Future now is that because?
• 15:36
  Like her brain is more. Limited.
• 15:38
  And she might not have capacity to be thinking about the past
• 15:41
  and future. That's possible.
• 15:43
  And that's neither here nor. There and then.
• 15:45
  I was like, you know what, You're right.
• 15:47
  And. Also, I'm going to add something
• 15:48
  else to this SO. Sam at this point in her.
• 15:51
  Life like can't get up to go get a drink of water.
• 15:54
  Like if she needs. Water like I bring her water her
• 15:57
  bowl over to her constantly for her to lap up.
• 16:00
  And I was thinking about this. I was like I don't if like Sam
• 16:05
  were to be like talking to her little like dog friends.
• 16:08
  Like she has a friend named TJ on her.
• 16:10
  Street Who's? Like kind of blind.
• 16:14
  So like if Sam. Were to like hit up TJ.
• 16:16
  Or like be texting TJ like I don't think Sam would ever be
• 16:19
  like. God, my life is so.
• 16:20
  Hard. Like I can't get up to have a
• 16:22
  drink of water. I genuinely.
• 16:24
  Think the way that Sam thinks of it and would.
• 16:27
  Talk about it is she'd be like, wow, my life is so blessed, like
• 16:32
  I'm so lucky I have a. Mother who's so attentive that
• 16:36
  she brings my. Water bowl over to me every time
• 16:39
  I need a drink of water. How lucky am I I?
• 16:42
  Genuinely think, I think that that's.
• 16:44
  What her approach would be and this led to me having this
• 16:49
  momentary this. Was a few weeks ago where I was
• 16:52
  like. I need to stop complaining like
• 16:56
  I all I do is complain. What if I just challenge myself
• 17:00
  to not complain? At all.
• 17:02
  This was on a Friday so I was like, what if I just challenge
• 17:04
  myself to not complain at all this weekend?
• 17:06
  So I did this. Challenge for myself now.
• 17:10
  Is it easy to execute? Absolutely not like.
• 17:13
  It's it's, you know, because you also it depending on how much
• 17:16
  you complain, it's. Just a part of what you do so
• 17:21
  it. It's just.
• 17:22
  It's like habit, like you don't even realize half the time when
• 17:25
  you're doing it. But that's where presents really
• 17:28
  comes in. Like not just doing things on
• 17:30
  autopilot, but really trying to be thoughtful and mindful and
• 17:33
  present. And if you need help with that.
• 17:36
  I really recommend checking out Atara Valentine anyway, that's
• 17:40
  the coach that I work with and he has some great digital
• 17:42
  courses anyway, so going back to this.
• 17:45
  So I decided. To challenge myself to do this.
• 17:49
  And then that weekend? Extended into ongoing.
• 17:53
  Now do I think it's? Feasible to like literally never
• 17:56
  complain. No, sometimes you have to vent
• 17:58
  right and I have done that in controlled limited.
• 18:01
  Situations so there have been a few times.
• 18:03
  One time, actually. I have a session with Atara
• 18:05
  where I was like, I'm trying to complain less but can I just
• 18:07
  like event for two minutes and then we move on?
• 18:10
  He's like sure. And I just unloaded everything
• 18:12
  about how challenging. It was.
• 18:13
  And then we moved on from it. And I've done that a few.
• 18:16
  Times with friends or with my mom or something.
• 18:18
  The other thing I sometimes. Do is I'll set like a complaint
• 18:24
  A venting window. This is what I initially was
• 18:27
  doing. I was like OK instead of just
• 18:29
  like complaining. About everything, all the time.
• 18:31
  Everyday I'll set like a venting window.
• 18:34
  So in the morning, I've 20 minutes, I set a timer, I get
• 18:37
  all my venting out on like in journaling, and then I tear it
• 18:40
  up and I move on with my day and I've actually stopped.
• 18:43
  Doing it because as I've been challenging myself to do this,
• 18:47
  I've had a. Fewer and fewer and fewer.
• 18:49
  Complaints to the point where I just like sit there and.
• 18:51
  Literally have nothing to write and I just I find myself.
• 18:54
  Not getting as agitated by. Things.
• 18:58
  But that brings me back to the thing that I've done.
• 19:01
  It isn't the no. Complaining specifically that I
• 19:03
  want to talk. About.
• 19:04
  It's more so just this notion of just.
• 19:06
  Being more positive in every. Way.
• 19:10
  So one way is. Complaining less.
• 19:12
  But another is just like having a positive attitude about.
• 19:15
  Things like focusing on positive things like.
• 19:18
  Again, like going. Back to when I was like going on
• 19:21
  the cancel culture tangent by the way.
• 19:23
  I'm like imminently waiting my cancellation.
• 19:25
  Now, but here's the thing, you can't be cancelled.
• 19:28
  If you've never started SO feel like I've marked myself safe
• 19:32
  there. But like if you wanted to, I'm
• 19:34
  sure he could find. Awful that like I was.
• 19:36
  On Fox News. No, I don't think I like said
• 19:38
  anything awful. I was just talking about tax.
• 19:40
  Policy on Fox News, but still, you know what I mean.
• 19:43
  Like. It's like there are a lot of.
• 19:45
  Ways that whatever anyway. Oh, OK.
• 19:50
  So I used to. Think it was like.
• 19:54
  Like kind of like ditzy and basic to be positive and that
• 19:58
  like cool. Interesting girls are more like
• 20:01
  snarky and negative and honestly a lot of that.
• 20:04
  Was because. I used to watch Center Stage a
• 20:07
  lot. You know, that movie I don't
• 20:08
  like. I was talking about this with a
• 20:09
  friend the other day and she's like, Oh no, we've never watched
• 20:11
  Center Stage. And I was like, that is crazy
• 20:13
  because that. Was I fell?
• 20:15
  Asleep to watching center stage every single night for like.
• 20:18
  Two years of my life. Like every single night I'd go
• 20:22
  in my bedroom and I had and. There.
• 20:24
  There were DVD players at this point.
• 20:26
  But like I didn't have one, at least not in my bedroom maybe
• 20:30
  like our I'm sure our family. Had a DVD player at this point
• 20:33
  because it wasn't. Like, you know, this wasn't like
• 20:36
  the 80s. Like it was, it was.
• 20:38
  It was more recent than that, but I had ATV that had like a
• 20:44
  like a VHS thing in the TV. So every single night I just.
• 20:48
  Push in the tape. And like just.
• 20:51
  Play it and fall asleep to it. So you know Zoe?
• 20:56
  I don't know her last name. The girl who is in Avatar, she's
• 21:00
  in center stage. Her character is like kind of
• 21:02
  like snarky and funny. And I remember there was this
• 21:05
  line that she said early on in the movie when this one girl was
• 21:08
  like, kind of. Rude to her and she goes, oh
• 21:09
  what did you go to some kind of bitch special bitch Academy?
• 21:13
  Or something and I remember. A friend of mine thought that
• 21:17
  line was. Well, it was like.
• 21:18
  More like an aunt of it's hard to say.
• 21:21
  She's like a family friend slash whatever.
• 21:24
  It doesn't matter what the relationship is.
• 21:27
  She thought that line was really funny.
• 21:29
  And I remember in my. Child brain.
• 21:31
  I registered like oh OK so if. You're like snarky.
• 21:34
  Like that, like people will think you're funny and
• 21:37
  interesting and like. You and the thing.
• 21:39
  Is like yeah, there are type. Obviously like if you.
• 21:42
  Deliver a funny line people will like.
• 21:44
  You but that's also a lot of it is like TV stuff.
• 21:47
  It's kind of like. When in reality shows, we watch
• 21:51
  the confessionals. Like yeah, when they're snarky.
• 21:53
  And witty. And those confessionals, it
• 21:55
  makes us like them. But in real life, people like
• 21:59
  people. Who feel good to be?
• 22:02
  Around. And you know what feels good to
• 22:04
  be around people who are positive.
• 22:07
  It does not feel good to be around people who are.
• 22:09
  Complaining all the time it does not.
• 22:11
  Feel good to be around. Oh, this is one of my.
• 22:14
  Absolute biggest pet peeves it's.
• 22:16
  When people go from like I want to say zero to 100, but I don't
• 22:22
  mean like in. Terms of anger and stuff.
• 22:24
  It's almost like 0 to -100 or something so I'll give an
• 22:28
  example. It's like if someone goes on one
• 22:30
  bad. Date and they're like, well, I
• 22:31
  guess I'm just like destined to be alone for the rest of my life
• 22:34
  and it's like. What?
• 22:35
  How did we go from here to here? Like that is such an extreme
• 22:39
  jump. Like why would you have this
• 22:41
  intense like fatalistic attitude about?
• 22:44
  Everything like that's just like annoying.
• 22:47
  Like now I have to talk. Like I have to talk you off the
• 22:49
  ledge. Every time something bad.
• 22:51
  Happens like that's just an. Annoying treat to have, yeah.
• 22:57
  So like that, that's another. Example of it it's.
• 22:59
  Just like that type of negativity, people don't want to
• 23:02
  be around negative people. Now, am I saying that you have
• 23:05
  to force yourself to be? Happy and Upbeat 24.
• 23:08
  Seven. Yes, I am.
• 23:09
  Saying that. No, I'm just kidding.
• 23:10
  Like again. Obviously there's a time and a
• 23:13
  place. For a good cry.
• 23:14
  There's a time and a place for a venting session, but those
• 23:18
  things should really be the minority.
• 23:20
  Minority of the time. And unfortunately, most of us, I
• 23:24
  would say, have. Made those things our
• 23:26
  personality. To the point where when I was
• 23:28
  challenging myself that initial. Few days to not complain.
• 23:32
  I realized that it actually felt.
• 23:35
  Weird to not complain not. Because I wanted to complain or
• 23:39
  because I had a complaint, but because I felt like it was.
• 23:43
  Braggy if I didn't complain. Like I felt like I like if
• 23:49
  someone's like how are you if I. Wasn't like Oh my God, this.
• 23:52
  Is hard. This is hard.
• 23:52
  This is hard and this is hard. I felt like it would seem like I
• 23:56
  was like. Bragging like Oh my God my life
• 23:58
  is so amazing like I like. Had to.
• 24:00
  Share the negative things. So that people like, feel more
• 24:05
  comfortable because I think complaining has become so.
• 24:07
  Normalized in our society. That if someone's just like.
• 24:11
  I love my life. You were like, remember that?
• 24:13
  Lady, this was a while ago. It was like. 10-15 years ago
• 24:16
  some lady tweeted like oh I love having.
• 24:19
  A cup of coffee in my backyard with my husband and the entire
• 24:23
  Internet went ape shit and was like.
• 24:25
  You're such a privileged bitch. Like I can't believe, like some
• 24:30
  of us can't afford to have a backyard.
• 24:32
  Some of us can't afford to have coffee, some of us don't have
• 24:36
  husbands. And she's like what the fuck?
• 24:40
  They just said I like to have coffee in the morning with my
• 24:43
  husband. Like what the fuck is this but.
• 24:47
  Like that's really where we've come to as a society.
• 24:50
  There was another recent thing I think someone tweeted or
• 24:53
  something and it was like a photo of them like having.
• 24:58
  A few friends over. And again, people like lost.
• 25:01
  Their minds like we really. Are unwell as a society and
• 25:04
  we're just so. Used to steeping.
• 25:06
  In our own pain. That like when everyone, then
• 25:10
  when someone else isn't. Doing it or when?
• 25:12
  Someone else is just like. Happy or satisfied, we take it
• 25:15
  as a personal attack, which is so.
• 25:18
  Fucking crazy also. Like this is so disjointed.
• 25:22
  But another random story. So actually this was December of
• 25:27
  2024, so that year where I said everything was really hard and I
• 25:30
  would complain a. Lot so when we were in.
• 25:33
  Australia, Fuck I. Really hope it's OK for.
• 25:36
  Me to talk about this I I'm honestly not sure, but I'm going
• 25:39
  to say it anyway. So one of Ozzy's friends has a
• 25:45
  child. Who She has cerebral palsy, but
• 25:50
  that's actually. The lesser of her problem.
• 25:53
  She also, I don't know exactly what it is, I don't know the
• 25:56
  diagnosis, but basically she's like in a.
• 25:58
  Constant state of having seizures is the best way I can
• 26:01
  describe it like. She's completely nonverbal, like
• 26:05
  she needs like they have an entire.
• 26:08
  Wing of their house for all of the special.
• 26:10
  Equipment for her like it's she's constantly.
• 26:14
  In and out of the. Hospital blah blah blah.
• 26:17
  Anyway, so. The mother of this child.
• 26:20
  We were over at their house. Like hanging out with them and
• 26:23
  Ozzy was talking to his friend and I was talking to the wife
• 26:26
  and the kid was there but. Like I said, the kid.
• 26:28
  Is non verbal so like I. Don't even know like how much
• 26:31
  she was like engaging, you know what I mean?
• 26:35
  Like when I say like non verbal, it's not just non verbal.
• 26:37
  She has like exceptionally little control of her body.
• 26:40
  Like it's like it's it's a. Really, really, really
• 26:44
  challenging situation. And the mother of this child,
• 26:47
  let's call her. Jennifer because I don't want.
• 26:49
  To keep saying. Mother of the child Jennifer was
• 26:52
  just like, so upbeat. And so like.
• 26:55
  Matter of fact and like. When I'd ask questions, she'd
• 26:58
  answer them in a pretty. Matter of fact manner and.
• 27:01
  Even when I was like, Oh my God, like this must be so hard on
• 27:04
  you. And she's like, yeah, you know,
• 27:06
  I mean, it is what it is like, yeah, it's challenging.
• 27:08
  And she's like truthfully, like the most challenging thing is
• 27:11
  like, I don't know if I'm. Ever gonna have like a real
• 27:14
  relationship with my child in terms of like.
• 27:17
  I don't know how much she. Like I love her so much.
• 27:21
  I don't like she's never going to tell me that she loves me
• 27:24
  like. I don't know that she like I, I
• 27:26
  don't know what. She's actually experiencing.
• 27:30
  And that's what's challenging. But she's saying all this
• 27:33
  calmly, not crying, like, not like, whatever.
• 27:36
  And I'm sure she cries and I'm sure she bends to people.
• 27:38
  I'm sure all these things. Happen, but it was more so the.
• 27:41
  General attitude that she had. And there was a moment.
• 27:44
  Where I thought. About it and I was like my dog
• 27:46
  pees a lot. And I have not stopped.
• 27:50
  Complaining about it like I. Cry about it constantly.
• 27:53
  I basically act like I have the hardest situation humanly
• 27:57
  conceivable because like my dog gets chronic UTI's and is
• 28:02
  constantly having accidents and I have to wake up in the middle
• 28:05
  of the night and take her out. And this bitch over.
• 28:07
  Here and I say bitch affectionately.
• 28:10
  Has this situation that I mean objectively speaking is.
• 28:15
  What like a? Hundredfold, A thousandfold, a
• 28:18
  millionfold. Harder.
• 28:20
  Than my situation and her attitude about it is so fucking
• 28:24
  different. Like there are always people who
• 28:27
  are carrying more. Than you.
• 28:29
  Who are able to be? In a better mood?
• 28:32
  Like there is no reason why we need.
• 28:35
  To walk around. And like I'm saying this like
• 28:37
  I'm not saying. This is someone who's master at
• 28:39
  this again like. I tend to be very curmudgeon Y
• 28:42
  and negative and. Can have a lot of negative
• 28:44
  energy and can be. Really defensive and can be very
• 28:47
  complaining and it's something that I'm working on, but I will
• 28:51
  tell you a few. Things I've noticed ever since
• 28:53
  I've been really mindful of this a My romantic relationship with
• 28:58
  Ozzy is the best it's ever been. Hands down the best it's ever
• 29:01
  been. In fact, he said something.
• 29:03
  To me, so last weekend, do you remember?
• 29:05
  I think I talked. About this on last week's
• 29:06
  episode when, like Sam, just. Got this like crazy, crazy
• 29:10
  aggressive UTI like it came on out of nowhere and she was just
• 29:15
  like like there was a day where. I think she had 30 accidents in
• 29:18
  a day. Like it was just non-stop.
• 29:20
  It was. Like nothing I've ever seen
• 29:22
  before. And I remember.
• 29:23
  And Ozzy. Had left the night before so I
• 29:26
  was like dealing with everything.
• 29:27
  Alone. And when we were on the phone,
• 29:29
  he was like, I cannot believe how much you're carrying right
• 29:34
  now. And the tote like by talking.
• 29:37
  To you, you would never know what you would never think it
• 29:39
  like you're just so. Light, so easy, so happy.
• 29:45
  And it was the highest compliment.
• 29:47
  I've ever gotten aside. For I love when people.
• 29:50
  Tell me that I'm funny. Like that's like the best.
• 29:52
  Compliment I can get. But no, it truly was the most
• 29:56
  meaningful compliment to me because I think that my baseline
• 29:59
  and how I've usually. Been is the exact opposite of
• 30:02
  that. So for me to have.
• 30:04
  Reached that point where I. Really, like other people could
• 30:08
  feel it. Other people have been telling
• 30:10
  me they're like, Oh my God, you just like you seem so light.
• 30:13
  You seem so good. Like I've my relationships with
• 30:17
  everyone. Has improved everyone in my.
• 30:19
  Life with the exception of one person who actually is so
• 30:24
  negative that she's not like fitting into my life anymore.
• 30:28
  And I feel like like either she's going to have to become.
• 30:33
  More positive for us to be friends.
• 30:35
  Or that friendship is just going to fall off because like, it
• 30:38
  just doesn't. Work anymore?
• 30:40
  But even a lot of my like, more complaining and negative friends
• 30:44
  have actually started to become more positive too, because it
• 30:48
  really is infectious. Like when you're around people
• 30:51
  who. Complain a lot, it just.
• 30:52
  Becomes a little complaining party like.
• 30:54
  I'll give you a good example, my mom.
• 30:58
  Love her so much, huge complainer and I completely get
• 31:01
  it like she. Has things she needs to.
• 31:02
  Complain about. Usually when I call her, she
• 31:05
  answers the phone and immediately just like launches
• 31:08
  into a list. Of complaints.
• 31:09
  I'm not even joking. Since I've made this change.
• 31:13
  How? Guess how she answers the phone
• 31:14
  now? Oh.
• 31:15
  My God. Hi, how are you like completely
• 31:19
  different energy and it's because she's.
• 31:21
  Feeding off of my energy. Like all of my relationships
• 31:24
  have improved, but not only that, I'm the.
• 31:27
  Happiest I've ever been. Which is really saying something
• 31:30
  because like, happiness is something I've really struggled
• 31:32
  with and I feel like constantly good things are happening to me.
• 31:37
  And I don't even know if statistically more good things
• 31:40
  are happening to me, or if I'm just noticing the good things
• 31:44
  more because I'm not embroiled in this cloud of.
• 31:48
  Complaints. OK, I'm going to.
• 31:49
  Leave you with one. Last thing and then I'm going to
• 31:51
  shut the fuck up. So I remember.
• 31:55
  When I was in high school, my friends and I won.
• 32:00
  Tickets to. Go see A Walk to Remember.
• 32:03
  Like not to age myself. If you don't know that movie,
• 32:05
  Mandy Moore was in it. I think it was actually like one
• 32:09
  of her first acting roles 'cause I think she started as a singer,
• 32:13
  right? That was like her first serious
• 32:14
  acting role. She did another acting thing
• 32:17
  before that, I think, where she was like some kind of mean girl
• 32:21
  and some kind of high school thing.
• 32:22
  But this one, if you haven't seen the movie, it's kind of
• 32:25
  like the. Predecessor to the Notebook.
• 32:27
  Not in terms of. It being like the plot being.
• 32:32
  Similar but it's like this. Big love story movie, right?
• 32:36
  And the premise of the. Movie is Mandy Moore was like a
• 32:39
  big loser in high. School.
• 32:41
  He's just like, super. Dorky and stuff.
• 32:44
  And then I forget. How the situation comes about.
• 32:47
  But like the love interest in the movies, like really popular
• 32:51
  and stuff and somehow they start talking.
• 32:53
  But anyway, the beginning of the movie.
• 32:54
  When it's like setting the stage obviously they fall in love.
• 32:57
  Like no spoiler but I actually really can't.
• 32:59
  Like other shit happens too. I don't remember if like someone
• 33:01
  died or something I don't know. I just say that because the
• 33:04
  Notebook, which OK sorry if I'm spoiling movies, but if you
• 33:07
  haven't seen these movies by now like you're never going to watch
• 33:10
  them so who cares? So very so we won.
• 33:14
  Tickets to go. It wasn't like the.
• 33:15
  Premiere of the movie. It's not we're on the red carpet
• 33:18
  or anything. We were either in middle.
• 33:21
  School or very, very, very. Early high school like 9th
• 33:24
  grade. But like we won tickets to see
• 33:27
  this like. Special edition of it, like it?
• 33:30
  Was like a few days. Before the movie properly came
• 33:33
  out and we got some swag or some shit, it was a really cool
• 33:35
  experience actually. That's why I remember it so
• 33:37
  vividly. Anyway, those details don't
• 33:39
  remember for them don't matter for the story, but I'm sharing
• 33:42
  them anyway. So.
• 33:45
  We won these tickets, right? We'll go see the movie early on
• 33:47
  into the movie. It's like we see Mandy Moore
• 33:50
  getting to school and she's. Wearing some kind of like cute
• 33:52
  like cardigan like granny. Kind of cardigan vibe.
• 33:55
  And the popular girls? In school?
• 33:57
  Go nice sweater. Like very clearly mocking and
• 34:02
  condescending her and she just turns and goes thank you.
• 34:07
  And like, it was so sweet and like she probably.
• 34:10
  Knew that they were. Mocking her, but she just.
• 34:12
  Chose to respond sincerely. Anyway, and literally everyone
• 34:18
  in the movie theater goes and it was this moment where it was
• 34:23
  like, what is sweet and positive?
• 34:25
  Way to respond and also. Like nothing.
• 34:27
  See, I think in my head. I would have thought like, oh, I
• 34:30
  have to have like a good read or a good.
• 34:32
  Comeback or whatever and like, yeah, if you're on the
• 34:35
  housewives. Totally, but in.
• 34:37
  Real life nothing pisses off someone who's trying to be mean
• 34:43
  to you more. Then.
• 34:45
  Responding with kindness or like.
• 34:47
  Ignoring it because. It's like they weren't even.
• 34:49
  Successful. Like they didn't even hurt your
• 34:51
  feelings. But this actually.
• 34:52
  Brings me to a bigger. Point.
• 34:54
  I think one of the best ways that you can implement being
• 34:57
  more positive aside from. Just really managing your
• 35:01
  complaining. Is assuming everyone has.
• 35:04
  The best possible intentions no matter what.
• 35:08
  The other day I got really annoyed about Adm from someone I
• 35:11
  know. Also, not even just like a
• 35:13
  person. A person, apparently.
• 35:17
  People I know aren't people. No, I mean like someone who I
• 35:19
  know. From IRL and I was, I was like
• 35:22
  oh God, she's so annoying. And I was complaining about it
• 35:25
  with a mutual friend. I was like, oh, she's so
• 35:27
  annoying. And then as I was saying, and I
• 35:29
  was like, what if she doesn't? Mean it in like the negative way
• 35:33
  that I'm saying it like what if she just meant it in like the
• 35:36
  most innocent way possible and. I'm just.
• 35:39
  Interpreting it in this way. And I think it's really easy.
• 35:42
  To do that on social. Media, but I think.
• 35:45
  More broadly speaking. All of us could just constantly
• 35:49
  lead with assuming people. Have the best intentions.
• 35:53
  Because what's the worst case? Scenario like, let's say you're
• 35:55
  wrong. OK, then what?
• 35:58
  What you'd like look stupid. Is that like what you're afraid
• 36:01
  of? Because that's what I would.
• 36:02
  Be afraid of like, Oh no, I'm going to look stupid.
• 36:04
  Who yours. Let them think you're stupid,
• 36:07
  but if you really think they're so badly intentions.
• 36:10
  That they're doing this awful. Thing to you then who?
• 36:12
  Cares if they think you're. Stupid and at best like that
• 36:16
  actually wasn't their intention. Like, do you know how many times
• 36:19
  I've. Nearly burned down bridges.
• 36:21
  With people because I. Assumed some kind of intent into
• 36:24
  what they said. But then I checked myself.
• 36:26
  And just assumed the best. Intentions, and regardless of
• 36:30
  what their intentions were when I assumed the best intention,
• 36:34
  the whole. Situation shifted.
• 36:36
  So OK, I'm going to leave you with that.
• 36:39
  I thought this would be an appropriate like.
• 36:41
  Valentine's Day themed episode because.
• 36:45
  This I really. Do think just like being?
• 36:48
  But like being more pleasant to be.
• 36:49
  Around is the key. You know, my friend and I were
• 36:52
  talking. About someone the other day.
• 36:55
  And she's like, yeah, like, she keeps complaining that, like the
• 36:59
  company. Won't promote her.
• 37:00
  I was like, yeah, the company won't promote her because they
• 37:02
  don't like her, because no one likes her.
• 37:04
  No one wants to work with her. Because she's so fucking.
• 37:07
  Annoying because. I actually don't know this.
• 37:09
  Person but I I've. Heard stories and I'm like.
• 37:12
  All she does is complain. She constantly thinks like the
• 37:15
  world is conspiring to get her. She thinks she's, like, the
• 37:18
  biggest victim in the world and like, yeah, all these awful.
• 37:20
  Things have happened to her. But I'm sure plenty of good
• 37:23
  things have. Happened to her too and she just
• 37:25
  doesn't even see it right. Going back to like Ozzy's.
• 37:27
  Friend like this woman is able to be so happy and in such a
• 37:31
  good mood and she is in one of like the worst.
• 37:34
  Life scenarios I can possibly think of and she's able to do
• 37:37
  that. There's no excuse for the rest
• 37:40
  of us. So yeah, just a little homework
• 37:43
  assignment. Check your.
• 37:44
  Complaining assume. Everyone has the best intentions
• 37:47
  and just. Try to be more positive.
• 37:51
  It's not lame, it's not losery, it's not ditzy, it's not girly.
• 37:56
  It's pleasant, it will. Make you be more liked K Bye.
• 38:02
  Oh, check out Thursday's Blush Kitchen.
• 38:05
  It's my. Favorite episode I've recorded
• 38:07
  today? K Bye.
• 38:17
  I don't want to lift you up, but I don't want to put you down,
• 38:24
  but OK here.