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How To Understand Your Social Battery As An Ambivert | S5 EP150 (FLASHBACK) · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

0:56
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, everybody, to Campfire of the Pillow Fort Sessions.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: Hey, got the name right first time.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: Haha.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: This is your number one hostess ever, the cuddliest of gigalos.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: The Com Comedonius Comedinius Comedious of El Comidones.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't even know how to say that.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Say that in the uh the Spanish Espanol way, but the uh the captains of Captainus um the Juliuses of Julius's H H Julius.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: I forgot my other nicknames.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna pick another one, but I can't remember.
1:39
SPEAKER_00: Gentleman Big Big B uh here for another episode for you doing the solo thing once again.
1:46
SPEAKER_00: Hope y'all enjoy these.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: Uh I know they're not specifically having to do with um kink, BDSM, and non-monogamy, but I feel like they're very helpful in the uh proverbial way, hopefully helpful to somebody out there that doesn't know about any of this.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: I believe you need these things.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't really matter what your orientation is and all the different lifestyles or whatever it is.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: I think these are helpful in any relationship you have relationship, familieship, friendship, any of them ships.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, all these stuff I talk about is very helpful.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: Once again, we are going into the personality traits area as I uh start this podcast episode here.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm gonna get into it.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: But first, y'all know what time it is.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: It's the what you drinking 30 second ASMR.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Right now it is a work day, school day in the middle of the day.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: So Julius is drinking a sparkling ice, not sponsored, caffeine zero sugar, the cherry vanilla flavor.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: It is getting me up and peppy for the rest of my day.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, it is still midday, so I still got more day to go.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: How many times can I say day in and in a minute?
2:55
SPEAKER_00: Let's count it.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: And while you're counting, I will count the ASMR 30 seconds here.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully it lasts 30 seconds.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: This thing is not completely full, so might not be 30 seconds.
3:04
SPEAKER_00: As y'all know, we um fluff them numbers up a little bit.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: Fluffing is a very practical use of your time.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I don't want to shame to the people that do fluffing.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm very much uh proud of that.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: If y'all know what I'm talking about, then that is good.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: You're in the you're in the inside joke, but uh here we go.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: Let's just get into it.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: Three and a two and so cold.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: Contrastically, it is a million degrees outside where we where we live here in the um Florida state area, but it is that drink was very cold, so sweating on the outside, freezing on the inside of my mouth.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but that was delicious.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, and if y'all like uh very much enjoyed that, let me know.
4:11
SPEAKER_00: Uh once again, we put out episodes most of the time on the second and fourth Thursdays of the month, the group episodes.
4:17
SPEAKER_00: I s I put these uh Pillow Ford sessions out every once in a while.
4:23
SPEAKER_00: Uh and if y'all enjoy that, make sure you like rate it on whatever app you're on, Spotify, iTunes, Amazon Music, whatever it is.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: And thank you for those people that download the uh the episodes.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: Really much appreciate that.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Apparently, we are very much um in a slump for podcast people.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if y'all listeners know this or watch the numbers, but us podcasters know that uh we watch the numbers and then it's like up and down uh with the numbers and everything.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: Apparently, y'all out there doing stuff is a heat wave for most of the country, so everybody's just going out and doing stuff, understandably.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully on your road trips, you can download one or two episodes of something out there.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: Support the podcasting.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's not like it's hard to do, it's a creative outlet.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: I know for me, can't speak for everybody, but it is a creative outlet and do appreciate that.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, don't really need the money because it is a hobby.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: But if you want more fancy stuff, then I know you support it.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: And hopefully you come to Campfire Kingsters, both with K's, the Instagram.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you're thinking.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: Feel free to message me on there if you want to hear or possibly see.
5:35
SPEAKER_00: I could talk Miss Rue into finally doing like a undercover thing.
5:39
SPEAKER_00: Like I was saying before, we have to do some uh um uh like a black background, shadowy type thing um for her, and then I'll put myself on the camera.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: I have no problem with that.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: And then uh we'll get some actual videos out there.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: If you guys want to see that, let me know.
5:57
SPEAKER_00: That'd be great.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: Um but for now I'm going to get into this episode, no more rambling about the back end stuff.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Let's get serious, because I'm serious all the time.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: Serious is a heart attack, as they say.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I'm out here, out here, out here in my house.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Um and uh man, checking over the Instagram stuff, because I said it, I got distracted, started looking at all the Instagram stuff, you know, doom scrolling, it's great.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: So if y'all don't know, Campfire Kingsters, we subscribe to a lot of stuff on the Instagram, most of it's BDSM poly related, as that is our focus, but there there are also uh um anime stuff, as you know, we do a little bit of geeking on the end, and we like to do that, we like to do the geek stuff as well, so all that all that is out there.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so this episode, not so much specifically related to uh specifically related to Kinkabedias M as I was saying before, but um I talked about a similar topic before, and that was the introverts.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: So now we're skipping over the extroverts and talking specifically about the amberts.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: I feel like everybody talks about extroverts, and I kind of spoke on it when I was talking about introverts, um, but it's a very common topic.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: Those binaries are pretty much all over the place now.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: Social media, y'all heard enough about it, but I don't think the amberverts, and also foreshadowing the omniverts, is a word or discussion or personality trait that gets talked about a lot, and we are out here too, doggone it.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna talk about amberverts today, because a lot of people don't understand this.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: If you're flip-flopping between introverts and extrovertism, depending on the situation you're in, you might be an ambervert.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is um you might be a redneck, but the personality trait version of it.
7:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so getting down into it, ambivertism or ambervert personality trait is defined as a person with features of both introvertism and extrovertism in their personality, sometimes called outgoing introverts or extroverted introverts or introverted extroverts.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Um so instead of doing all that word lingoing, we decided to just make a new word for it.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: It's called ambervert.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: So if you flip-flop between the two, and it really depends on what situation you're in, then you might be an ambervert, well, like I said before.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then let's, you know, different names, as I said, outgoing introvert.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I didn't say that yet, did I?
8:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I did.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: Outgoing introvert.
8:37
SPEAKER_00: So introverts who can be outgoing in certain situations around certain people or when you need to be.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: So if you can turn that switch on and off, you might be an introvert.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: Ambervert.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then also another name is uh antisocial extrovert.
8:53
SPEAKER_00: So extroverts who need time to recharge before socializing or who like to be alone more than a typical extrovert.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: So once again, we're in the gray area of the spectrum, we're right in the middle, pretty much, or slightly off-center.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh and and really, once again, like I said in the intro introvert episode, so slightly like parentheses extrovert episode, it depends on where you get your energy from.
9:19
SPEAKER_00: How do you recharge?
9:21
SPEAKER_00: You recharge when you are in solitude, or do you recharge in a um very crowded social situation or just any social situation in general?
9:29
SPEAKER_00: So we are talking when we are talking about amberverts, we are talking about people that can go out and not really, I don't know, recharge in a social situation, but they don't lose as much energy depending on the specific social situation, um, and then need the alone time, the solitude in order to recharge, um, but do enjoy the the social outings depending on the situation.
9:54
SPEAKER_00: Once again, I'm gonna say this a lot in this episode.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: It depends on the situation uh that you're in.
10:00
SPEAKER_00: So if you can be sociable, it's it's like you can be sociable, depending on what it is that you you might be an amivert.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: Okay, and another name also is social introvert.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: Introverts who behave more extroverted when needed.
10:16
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, you have a choice.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: This is a switch that is flipping.
10:20
SPEAKER_00: You are voluntarily flipping this switch, and you I would say enjoy it, um, can do it.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what kind of specific words you need there, camsters, but yeah, if you're able to do this, where um whether you find joy in it or not, I guess, I guess you wouldn't need to really find joy in it.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but it if you can do this, then you might be an ambivert.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: I know for me specifically, uh, I think I've said this in previous episodes, though.
10:45
SPEAKER_00: I'm an ambivert because I'm good if it's an intimate situation, so with friends, it can be, you know, 20, 30, 40 people, as long as I know most of those people, or those people know people, it's like a very um the different zones that I was talking about before.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm good if the people, the friends I have, more so like pretty much zone one, uh inner circle people, but if it's filled with people they know are but I don't know very well, so these could be like zone two or zone three people for for my zone one friends, they know them, and it could be like zone one or zone two for them.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: Uh I'm totally fine with that.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: What I get stressed out is when I'm in a new situation and I don't know anybody there.
11:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't care how many people it is, it could be like 10 people.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: If I don't know any of those people, I'm I'm more stressed out.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, when it's less people, then I'm I'm I'm pretty good.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: So if it's like less than 10 people, but I don't know them, I I can kind of survive not too bad.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Or if people are like clicked up and I can bounce from different social social um well different groups, then I'm I do a little bit better.
11:51
SPEAKER_00: Um but my energy mostly comes from being in my solitude, but then going out and being sociable at the same time.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: But for very limited and very specific situations, uh I got a finite cap on my social energy, and I will just bounce when it's gone.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I I I'm all about trying to maximize my time.
12:10
SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of weird because it's almost like working out or doing some cardio or something.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: I try to maximize how long I can run or walk or um elliptical for, and it's the same thing with social situations.
12:21
SPEAKER_00: So they still have not figured out if this is like a nature versus nurture thing as far as your personality trait, whether you're an introvert, extrovert, ambivert, omnivert, whatever it is.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: But it's been shown in studies that you can switch uh over time.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: That is also a self-reported study.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: So I would argue people just learn better social skills and then um they cut down on their energy loss.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: So it's not so much they switch personality traits, but they can learn how to use their energy more efficiently, which hopefully in these episodes, campsters, I'm hopefully making you self-aware that so you can do this.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, not so hard to be self-aware for the introverts, more so with the extroverts, but um I once again, awareness through education.
13:03
SPEAKER_00: You didn't know this before, and I'm telling you now, this is a thing that a lot of people go through.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: And we are here for you at the Around the Kinky Campfire.
13:11
SPEAKER_00: And um Julius likes to talk about this in his pillow for sessions and answer questions and be anecdotal and all those different things.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Uh, these are the facts.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: More factual than not.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: If you guys have not listened to the Pill of Four sessions before, just so you know, this is going to be more factual than entertaining.
13:29
SPEAKER_00: Julius has his uh glasses on and his smart thinking cap on when I write this.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: I literally do research on this, and now I'm just talking from a whole page of notes that I um acquired through my research.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: So the research continues, it will always continue.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: So think of this like a pit stop in life.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: This is just one of those things like, oh, make you aware of, and then we keep we we we we experience it for ourselves and then we talk about it later.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: Um but more on Amberverse now as I ramble on.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: We're going back to Ambervertism.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh so basically, Amberverts enjoy spending time with others, but also value their alone time and need time to recharge ashville show after social situations, as I just described.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: That is 100% me.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: So I very much um identified with this word when uh when I first learned about it, and it's kind of being out being put out there a little bit, not so much as introvertism or extrovertism, because people still don't know there's a word for it being in between.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Introverted extrovert is uh more used than ambervert.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's like though there we have words for this.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: There's research on this, there's books on this.
14:38
SPEAKER_00: I looked it up on Audible.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: There are books on this.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: Ambervert is a word you can search for, and there are books that have this word in the title, it's a thing.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, so based on research, the smart people, uh, they believe, well, not really believe, they've come to find out through their research that more than half of the population is an ambervert.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, I would tend to agree with that.
15:01
SPEAKER_00: I would attend, I would tend to agree with that because a lot of people, as humans can do, can make the decision between how they want to interact in social situations.
15:13
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people have learned, um, I don't know if it was like purposefully or not, or they're just kind of like societally pressured into it.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: You have to be able to thrive in different social situations, and especially for like work or something like that.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: You there's I don't know how you can be successful monetarily, however, you define success.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: You can't do it without being without talking to people.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how you would even do that.
15:38
SPEAKER_00: Because even like streamers, you talk to a camera, but you're still talking to people, so you have to be somewhat sociable and uh can't be really entertaining without being sociable at all.
15:47
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I don't I don't know how that even worked.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: Umber amber version coined in early the early 20th century by uh Kimball Young, a psychologist, believed everyone has both introvert and extrovert qualities, and everyone is on a spectrum.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: Now, this I 100% agree with.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people like to live in the binary, which I believe is wrong.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: That's terrible to think that most people are binary, one thing or another, that people can't evolve.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: It is a spectrum, so it depends on the day, depends on the time, depends on the weather.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: Light, dark outside, the moon's up, the moon's down, whatever it is.
16:23
SPEAKER_00: It depends on the situation.
16:25
SPEAKER_00: People are on a spectrum.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: Can't expect people to be the same every every day or even on the same day.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: It's just not make any sense.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: A few hours later, it could be something different.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: I acquire information and it changes my mood.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: That's 100% thing.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: So it depends on how I'm feeling.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: I've I've gone into a routine where I'm getting ready for a social situation all week, be like five days out of the week, I'm ready to go, and then it come 30 minutes before the thing, it's like I get hit with something, learn something new, and it's like ah, it throws me all off.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: And then the opposite happened.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: So literally just changes all up.
16:58
SPEAKER_00: So as an introvert, most of the time, uh I need to prep for a social situation, but I could, I don't know, all things could go to hell before I even get in the car to go to the said social function, and I'm just out of it completely.
17:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting there quietly in the corner by myself, and people have to like pull information out of me.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, but it is a spectrum and it changes all the time.
17:19
SPEAKER_00: So, this is what I want y'all campsters to be aware of.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: This stuff changes all the time.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: So, once again, unspoken expectations leave lead to predetermined resentments.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: That's a hundred percent thing.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Don't be assuming all this kind of stuff.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Horrible, horrible to assume.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Ask questions, ask why.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: Goodness.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: If I don't get anything across before this podcast runs its course, however long that may be, good lord.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: Let's just cut down on the assumptions by people.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: Goodness.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so Amber Birds.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the origin or the theory of uh where it kind of came of.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: Because there's no there's you can do research in all these different things, but they still have not figured out where like it came from.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: What it is it nature versus nurture, whatever.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: Once again, hearkening back to the uh Myers Briggs um study, personality traits, categorizations, whatever you want to call it.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, this um introvert and extrovertism, once again, we knew it is based on Carl Jung's exploration of the human psychology.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: Uh extroversion is an outward turning of libido versus introversion, which is an inward turning of libido.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: Most think that libido is a sex drive thing, but here it is referred to as a motivation to do various behaviors.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: So not just sex.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: All it's a motivation.
18:44
SPEAKER_00: Are you internally motivated or externally motivated?
18:47
SPEAKER_00: And once again, that has to do with your extroversism or introvertism.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: I know for me it's kind of weird because I do identify as an introvert, but I'm not super internally motivated, which is kind of crazy.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: Once again, another sign.
19:00
SPEAKER_00: I could be amrovert because I need that external motivation to do a lot of things.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh it's kind of sad to see, but also good to know.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh it's it's annoying, but once again, a spectrum.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of people can have lots of one trait and the and uh and also a little bit of another trait.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: So it's not a binary thing.
20:40
SPEAKER_00: Horrible.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: Goodness.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: It is a spectrum, people.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: That's not just has to do with autism.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: There's a spectrum.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: There's different spectrum spectrums for all different kinds of things.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: Depends on the situation.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: Also, studies have shown that your orientation can change over time.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: There's literally studies that prove that it's a spectrum.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Your orientation can change over time.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: Could be related to social standing, like I said, it could be related to mental health, whatever, you know, financial situation, relationship status, um, what's going on with your family, all these different kinds of things.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: Ah, chili.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I mean, there's studies on this, research being done.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: It's not just Julius talking um to himself, um, riling himself up.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: There's all kinds of different studies based on this type of thing.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay?
21:37
SPEAKER_00: All right, so let's talk about the characteristics of amivirts.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: So you might be an amivert if you can be talkative and assertive.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: Us insertive, assertive, but not sociable.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you're able to explain yourself very confidently, but you might not be the one that talks to everybody in a room.
21:57
SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's kind of hyperbolic, but you get what I'm saying when I'm talking about, you know, picture in your head, you can picture people that just seem to be able to talk to anybody and anything.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: Grocery store clerk or something like that.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, I don't want to talk to everybody, but when I do, pick that person to talk to.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: Quote unquote pick.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: I will talk to them a lot, and I will talk with confidence.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: I know for me, people um believe all kinds of stuff that come out of my mouth.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: As I said before, on the side note, camsters, don't listen to me.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Do your own research.
22:31
SPEAKER_00: I'm literally passing along information that I got off the internet that I believe in.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: I believe in it because from my experience, this most of this is had come to be true.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: I literally started this podcast thing and doing all this research and talking to the air because I believe in this stuff.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: And for me, my life has always been oh, there's a word for that.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: I've felt that way all this time, didn't know there was a word for it.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, that's very interesting.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, that oh, looky here, there's there's research being done on this.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've been feeling this way for decades now.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Didn't know why, but there's somebody that went in did the work to find out this thing and talk to people and then put it all on paper.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, okay, there you go.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: So that's you know, back to the characteristics.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: That's one of the things I know from me that I've done and didn't know, and it's like, oh, I'm an ember.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: That that fits me perfectly.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: Uh, another characteristic varies depending on the social on the situation.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, but the big thing here, I've said that a bunch of times already, depends on the situation, but also like in parentheses, able to adapt.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: You are able to adapt in different social situations.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: You go in, you're very mindful of yourself, you know how you react, and you'll be like, oh, in this social situation, this is a appropriate.
23:49
SPEAKER_00: Sure, that's a good word.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: We'll use that.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: Appropriate is good enough.
23:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, you're able to adapt.
23:55
SPEAKER_00: Some people, you know, some people depends on where you at on the spectrum, where you identify the most with.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Not able to adapt in any social situation.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: You get burnt out and gotta go.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: Um amberverts are a little bit better to or a little bit Are a little bit better and able to adapt when they're thrown into different situations.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: I know me, I need a little bit of a heads up, but if it's a situation I've been in before, then it's like, ooh, okay, I can be comfortable.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: That's a big thing.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, being able to be comfortable in social situations shows that uh what kind of confidence you had.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: And how do we get confidence?
24:31
SPEAKER_00: Surviving failures.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: You make a mistake, you bounce back up, you get back on that horse, all the different idioms that they have out there, dust your pants off and get try again.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, that is how you build confidence.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: I'm not the one that said that originally.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: There are people smarter people that came up with that formula for me, and I I just believe it, so I'm gonna keep saying it.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, surviving failure.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people don't want to try stuff, and that doesn't raise your self-esteem and build your confidence if you're not willing to try stuff.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: You gotta be willing to try stuff, make a mistake, and you know, learn from your mistake and keep on going.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh okay.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: So, speaking of which characteristics once again, good communication, listening and speaking.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: You're able to be moved back and forth from the two.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: I would argue, it might be my ego talking.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm very good at communicating.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: No one needs to tell me, validate myself.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: Good communicator, and I'm learning all the time.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: So I'm good now.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean I'm gonna stop learning.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: This is uh one of the reasons I started this whole journey of research and everything, is I want to be better at communication.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: So I'm actually intentionally trying to get better.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: Communication is a skill.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why people think you have to be a talented communicator or like I'm not good at talking.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, did you practice?
25:43
SPEAKER_00: What research have you done?
25:44
SPEAKER_00: What there's literally videos and books and everything how to be a better communicator.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: Have you practiced any of those skills?
25:51
SPEAKER_00: No, then that's why you suck at it.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: It's like learn to be better or try to be better.
25:57
SPEAKER_00: Literally try, do the thing, and then see um how you can be better at it.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Take notes and try again.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: Uh okay.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: Rambled again.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: Back to characteristics.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: They are amroverts are comfortable with large groups and small intimate gatherings.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: So, this is what I was saying before.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: I I knew I was an ambervert because it's like, depending on the group situation, I'm good with large groups.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: We're like, you know, if I'm filled in a room with a bunch of kinky or and or geeky people, I'm like, ooh, these are my peoples.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm good with this.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: And then intimate gatherings, if they're intimate friends, so inner circle friends, I'm I'm totally fine with that.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: It's just when you start adding new people in there, and I have no idea what they're about.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: It's like, hmm, okay, that's kind of weird.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: Especially if I sense any ego.
26:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what trait of that is mine, could be the introvert side or the hypervigilant side.
26:49
SPEAKER_00: When I see ego though, that completely turns me off.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: I can't even, I don't even want to be in the same room with somebody with a huge ego.
26:55
SPEAKER_00: It's like, ugh, too much.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh okay.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: And then not surprisingly, another characteristic, able to work solo or in teams.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: So I know for me, for the most part, I like to work solo, but depending on the team situation, once again, depends on the situation.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: If I have reliable people, then I can work in a team.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: But if I have to do the work for somebody or like do too much work or don't have the energy or something like that, it's like, no, if this person's hard to talk to and communicate with, then no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not working with you.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: That's it.
27:23
SPEAKER_00: I'd rather work by myself.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: It's just how it is.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: I mean, somebody more that's more on the extra extrovert side might be able to draw some information out of those people.
27:31
SPEAKER_00: I just don't have the energy for it, can't do it.
27:33
SPEAKER_00: Not me.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm not putting my finger on my nose.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: Not I.
27:36
SPEAKER_00: No, you're supposed to put your finger on your nose, then you get I don't know.
27:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't know how that game works.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm always slow to do it because I'm like, why is everybody picking their nose?
27:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh, wait, it's on their nose.
27:46
SPEAKER_00: Whoops.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: But, anyways, okay, another characteristic here they are able to regulate behavior and responses.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: So instead of being a very um emotional person, reactive person, let's let's try to put a little distance between when we notice the thing and we respond.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: So we have to take a minute here to figure out how we're gonna respond and then respond in the correct way before we just jump to a conclusion or whatever it is.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: So uh amberts are a little bit better than extroverts and introverts with this.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: I think introverts would probably just like process the whole old thing and overthink and then miss out on the opportunity.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: But uh, we amroverts being more in the middle of the spectrum uh can take time to process the um reaction before we give it and not be super emotional with it, uh, which I believe they say is more an extrovert thing where you become more emotional, don't really think about what you're saying before you speak.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, not good.
28:46
SPEAKER_00: Overthinking is not too good.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: Once again, that's a spectrum as well, and then not thinking.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: So gotta be somewhere in the middle.
28:52
SPEAKER_00: Uh also, amberverts are less stressed in multiple situations, so yes, more flexible, able to adapt in different situations, um, which is very good for amberts, I would say.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, that that thing I was like, oh, okay, so that's why I can do that.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm an amrovert.
29:09
SPEAKER_00: I can handle multiple situations where I don't know what it is, but I just have a lot of people that identify as introverts, more so, some a little bit extroverts.
29:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, not too many people identify as amberverts, as I said, not very a common term as of yet, but we are getting it out there, people.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, introverts um don't like to do stuff, and it's like, oh yeah, I'm lonely or whatever, or I'm single, but I don't want to go out in this social thing because people suck.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: Dating apps suck.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: It's like, how are you gonna meet people if you don't go out there?
29:43
SPEAKER_00: I don't understand it.
29:44
SPEAKER_00: Find a hobby or something, find something you like fun to do, and then try that instead of just going out randomly.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't understand.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: I don't understand, but we're out here.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm giving this information to people.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: Here you go.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh, and then a couple more characteristics here to talk about.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh, amberverts are more flexible and adaptable because can draw from both sides of the spectrum, which is pretty nice.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: So going into social situations can be more flexible because I will take the time to uh recharge my batteries.
30:14
SPEAKER_00: So there'll be times I'll go quiet.
30:16
SPEAKER_00: Even in a crowded room, I can be in my solitude because nobody's interacting with me.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm just sitting there, and I've also learned how to be less hypervivid vigilant, so I don't really care how people perceive me, especially people I don't know or have never talked to.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: It's like you can come talk to me, but I'm not gonna pursue a conversation with you.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm recharging my batteries, but you can if you want to.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm not here for people's judgments, especially if they don't know who I am, don't even know my name.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: It's like you can think whatever you think, doesn't affect me in the in the least bit.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: So 100% be able to do that, which is very interesting to me because I believe through meditation, anybody can do that.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: So even if you're an introvert going into a public situation, I'm like, nobody's talking to you.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: Why are you getting stressed out for?
30:58
SPEAKER_00: It's like you just have your your awareness uh turned all the way up.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: It's like nobody cares.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: Or like people that can't go into a public place without being super.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like you realize most of those people don't even know you were there.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Like nobody cares that you're there.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: Why are you caring what people think?
31:15
SPEAKER_00: Even if you're like you're getting anxious for nothing.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's just if you do any kind of research or reading or watching of anything, you go, you realize like you go into the social, most of those people don't care what you look like.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: They don't even they don't even pay attention that you're there in the first place.
31:31
SPEAKER_00: Because also a lot of those people are in their own thing, they're worrying about themselves or how they look, so they really couldn't care less about some random person they've never even spoke to.
31:40
SPEAKER_00: Uh so that yeah, that's very interesting to me how that works out.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: Uh, lastly, here, as I ramble on some more, um, ambers can process thoughts and emotions out loud and internally, talking with others or like doing a solo activity, like writing or just self-journaling, whatever it is, which is writing.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: I said that twice pretty much.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Uh so yeah, we can flip-flop.
32:01
SPEAKER_00: So depending on who we're talking to, if people actually know how to listen, uh, I will go ahead and talk to that person about it.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: That's the hardest part, though, is having a conversation with somebody that actually listened.
32:13
SPEAKER_00: In that case, I'd rather just process my own thoughts and emotions myself.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: Because yeah, if you're not gonna listen, then I'm not gonna talk.
32:19
SPEAKER_00: That that takes more energy out of me.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: If you're if I'm trying to talk to somebody that's not paying attention, it's like that that maximizes my energy right there.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: I will shut down because I'm completely tapped out at that point.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, all right, you know what?
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Saves me more time and energy, so think about it myself.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: Or talk to you people.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: Somebody's listening.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: I see the downloads, they have gone down, but they are still continuing.
32:40
SPEAKER_00: So somebody's listening to this.
32:43
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so um, some I don't want to say negatives, um, some hardships for amberts.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: Uh just talk about a couple of those here as we finish up.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: We are hitting that 30-minute mark, more so or more so or less.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: So gonna finish up here on this pillow forward session.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, a couple hardships for amroverts.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: They may or we may find it difficult to embrace either side um at the exclusion of the other.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: So sometimes you want to do both, but you can't.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: It's not possible.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: I don't think that's a thing about the spectrum there.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: You you're either on one side or the other, you can't just like fold it into a circle, it's a linear thing, um, slider back and forth.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: It's not a it's not a it's not a circle, so you can't just like jump back and forth.
33:31
SPEAKER_00: You have to slide your way over to the other side.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, which unfortunately, um, when this happens, it can be perceived as a lack of conviction.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I know for myself, um I I don't know if it's anxiety or not, but like people look and like, oh, I'm not really passionate about anything.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, I just want my cake and eat it too.
33:53
SPEAKER_00: So I want everything.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna commit to anything unless I know I can have all the different sides, um, which kind of bleeds over to relationships and friendships and all those different kinds of things.
34:03
SPEAKER_00: It's like, can I can I just find somebody that meets me in all the different ways, and then we can talk about like being friends or whatever and having a conversation.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of hard to talk and interact with people uh when they want to lean to one side or the other.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm feeling a certain way.
34:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't really know how to process that.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, amivers, it's good to see there's other people having the same problem and are and are perceived the same way as I am.
34:27
SPEAKER_00: So once again, just passing along information that I see here.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: Not something I came up with.
34:32
SPEAKER_00: I just agree with it that I believe it to be true as far as I'm concerned in my experiences.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: You might have different per um experiences and have your own opinions.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: Once again, do not listen to me.
34:42
SPEAKER_00: Feel free to do your own research.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm here to pass along information, that's it.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: Uh, okay, and lastly, as I ramble on some more, uh Emirates may feel pressure to remain a certain way in specific setting, which can lead to exhaustion um when trying to seek balance.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: So there are times when it is good to act a certain way in certain situations, but you're not feeling it.
35:08
SPEAKER_00: So for me, I know even like just for an example, I like to karaoke.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when I'm processing it, like literally days before getting ready for the situation, one you know, like I said before, certain situations.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: I get there, I'm like, oh, I'm pumped to do this, and then I get to the place and I'm like, nope, actually, I don't want to be in front of people.
35:29
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, oh God, I'm being I'm getting burnt out.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I want to leave.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: But then they call my name and it's like, all right, I gotta go up there.
35:36
SPEAKER_00: I know for me, once I get up there, it's like, oh, actually, I did want this and I'm good.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: So put on a little show for everybody, and I remember, oh, this is why I like to do this, which is weird because it happens with sex with me all the time.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: But we'll talk about demisexuals at another time.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: Uh, but yeah, I I uh you know, like sex.
35:54
SPEAKER_00: So I get there and I'm like, oh, that's right, this is why I like this.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: Forget all about it.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah, same thing with so social situations happens a lot.
36:03
SPEAKER_00: We'll stress out ahead of time, but then when I get there, I'm like, okay, this is why I like this thing.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: I remember why I like it in the first place, and then I go ahead and go through with it, and I get my energy back, even though I had just been exhausted.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: Very confusing time for me.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: But luckily, there's the internet, I can look this stuff up and watch the videos and all that.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying, camsters?
36:27
SPEAKER_00: Or listen to a podcast, because there's podcasts about that, and this is one of them, and it's called Around the Kinky Campfire.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: And this is Julius with another episode of the Pillow Ford sessions.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: Episodes usually come out, group episodes, on the second and fourth Thursdays of the month, most of the time, and then these episodes come out sporadically for now.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, more often.
36:49
SPEAKER_00: We'll see.
36:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, depends on how much I feel like rambling to myself or to the people that thankfully you people out there that download these episodes and then stream in and then rate it, appreciate you very much.
37:03
SPEAKER_00: Um I don't really want to ask for that, but it's like if you're there anyway, it doesn't cost you anything, just go ahead and give a little um give a little rating.
37:13
SPEAKER_00: If it's not too hard, take you a little bit of time to do.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it very much.
37:18
SPEAKER_00: Um but for now, this is Julius, aka el comiest of known, aka the cudliest of gigalos, and catch you next time around the kinky campfire.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: Come and let me know what you think on Campfire Kinksters, the Instagram with the case.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: Uh ooh, that was a good one.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you could hear that or not, but I just burped because the not sponsored sparkling eyes caffeine is very fizzy.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm gonna finish this and I'll catch y'all later.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: Hello.