Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Cleaning Out Your Closet: Boundaries, Self-Worth, and the Heroine’s Journey with Joan Perry

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Cleaning Out Your Closet: Boundaries, Self-Worth, and the Heroine’s Journey with Joan Perry · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

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I found myself literally standing on my own island
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saying, well this isn't fun, I really like people around me,
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but in the past I was doing things to have those people
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around me instead of those people doing some stuff to be
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around. Me.
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Quickly changed that model and I had to get a house cleaning done
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because there were all the wrong people around me.
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By the way, in my book, The Heroine's Journey I taught,
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there's a whole chapter on people.
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I teach you how to deal with them, what to do, how to
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identify them, because that was my Achilles heel.
0:35
Hello, Melissa Crook here On the Field podcast.
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I'm back here this week with a friend that has her own podcast
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and network where she also is working to empower women and
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help them live their authentic, healthiest lives.
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I got to guest with her a few months back and now I'm getting
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to bring her over on the other side of the mic to be my guest.
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Yes, and I'm so excited this year.
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Joan Perry with you today. Her work with the heroine's
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journey is game changing for women.
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And she's also, everything she does is built around this
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passion, this passion she has for women to see a path forward,
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to find their joy, their prosperity, their freedom.
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She's got great insights on life and changes and how to navigate
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those. She's got a ton of credibility.
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She wrote the first book to women about their finances and
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in financial investing for women specifically.
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She is a a pioneer in this space.
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And so I'm excited to bring Joan here to the field Podcast today.
1:43
Welcome. Welcome to you and to all your
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people, your women, I suppose mostly women listening.
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So we're all in the right space because my work is designed
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specifically for women. So I'm thrilled about any
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conversation that we have when we come together and we talk not
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in the framework of the culture, which is, you know, male
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centric, but we actually talk in language and understanding that
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lands on us as women. So couldn't be happier to be
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here. Oh so good.
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I love the way you stated. That's so true.
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So talk to me about this. You've had your own journey that
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has LED you to the road you're on today.
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Talk to me about the the role of self-care in your life.
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Really prioritizing your Wellness so that you can show up
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the way you want to. Well, you know, it's funny
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because I started out in life and I think this is typical
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thinking that if I just made the outside look perfect that all
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would be well, you know, So I was well groomed, I was well
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educated, I was well dressed. I was, you know, everything that
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would cause me to look like I had it all together, you know,
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and I could leave it down life and and you know, life kind of
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let me think that was OK for a while.
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And then all of a sudden, which is so characteristic of the
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heroine's journey, something big out of the blue came and blew my
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whole whole vision apart. You know, I was thinking this,
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this and this for my future. And all of a sudden, none of it
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worked anymore. And all of a sudden, I was
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having to sit back and go, wait a minute, John.
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You know, maybe, just maybe. And then I love this saying, and
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I know you're going to pick up on it.
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And that's that. I felt like I climbed to the top
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of the ladder, but the ladder was in the wrong building.
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Oh my gosh, that's so good. Yes, yes, you hit on something
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so important and I talk about this, but the way you said it,
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that is such a good visual. It's such a good metaphor
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because we live by these scripts that we were given as little
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girls that we're. If we follow this path, then we
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will be happy content, all those things and then we follow that
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path. And it's like this has nothing
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to do with my alignment, what I'm passionate about, what I
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care about. This is not a path for me.
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And or your or your gifts or your talents or what you're
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supposed to be here to do, you know, all at that point
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misaligns. And I thought it was the biggest
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tragedy that had ever happened to me until I got out a little
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bit. And then I realized it was the
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biggest gift that had ever happened to me because having my
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whole life decimated and, you know, I just stop here and say
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that it was a divorce. It was a family estate problem.
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I mean, like my therapist said, there were so many fires, we
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weren't sure which one to deal with, you know, first.
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But I have a hard nut to crack. And what did it do to me when I
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can look back on it, it, it destroyed my vision, it
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destroyed my judgments, it destroyed my, my thinking about
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what a perfect life looked like. You know it.
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It actually took away all that I was using to fortify this path
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in life because it couldn't send me on another path if I still
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had all that in place. Right.
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You had to be willing to get curious and get outside of that
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zone and and have everything stripped away and be forced to
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rebuild in a way that was actually authentic to you.
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But yeah, I think that's such a great point.
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So many times as women we might sense there's something off, but
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we'll push it to the wayside because it's going to disrupt
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everything. And we?
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Can't and we but it but eventually the dam breaks and
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and it. Can you give your example of how
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it happened for you? I have my own story of how it
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happened for me showing up in AER twice in a 10 day period.
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We all have these places and spaces where it will show up
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because we weren't built to live a life that was inauthentic to
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us and we can only carry it for so long.
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And while you come, you get down on your knees at this point.
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And I got down on my knees and I said, God, what if it all goes
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away? And the answer I got back was so
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poignant. I said, God, what will be left?
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And the answer was you. That's so good because we learn
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in this rebuilding that we had it all in us all along.
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We just had to learn to trust it and believe in it and trust that
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path instead of all these other scripts and narratives that had
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been thrown. Out of our way.
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And The thing is that I could feel it coming in on me.
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And the reason I could feel it was, but I tried to dismiss it
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really fast is there was a little inkling in me that I
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wasn't quite so fulfilled and happy as I wanted everybody to
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think. I was sure.
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And I felt the energy that I was trying to hold off.
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But eventually what you come to is this life is bigger than what
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you design. You are meant for more.
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And oh, by the way, this energy that intends to transform you is
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a whole lot bigger than anything you can muster to stop.
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Yeah, yeah. And it's going to have it say at
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some point. Yeah, so good.
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I love how you pointed that out. And that really goes nicely into
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and, and I think we have, we have, we've reimagined what this
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means, but confidently setting boundaries.
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And what I mean is we're no longer going to allow things in
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that don't align with who we are because we know what the other
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side of that is like. We're no longer going to attach
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our time or our identity or our value you to those things that
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aren't true to us. So talk to me about that shift
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for you. A big one because in my work I
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tell you that there are 4 pillars to create your
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stability. OK, One is financial, one is
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life force, energy, health, one is self worth and the last one
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is people. And I can tell you that the
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problem for me was people. I let anybody in anytime.
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You know, people stole so much from me.
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People, you know, they they put wanted to put me down.
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They were jealous. You know, we can make a long,
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long, long, long laundry list of that.
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But the still I had to get in that moment is I had to clean
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the people out like I would clean my closet out.
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Wow. Yeah.
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That's such a good. That's another great metaphor.
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It was painful because I found myself bitter ending all alone
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going I am all alone in this world.
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I my family. That's another long story.
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You know, there was no support there.
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Let's say that. So I found myself literally
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standing on my own island saying, well, this isn't fun.
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I really like people around me. But in the past, I was doing
9:15
things to have those people around me instead of those
9:18
people doing some stuff to be around.
9:21
Me. Quickly changed that model and I
9:25
had to get a house cleaning done because there were all the wrong
9:29
people around me. By the way, in my book, The
9:32
Heroine's Journey, I talk, there's a whole chapter on
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people. I teach you how to deal with
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them, what to how to identify them because that was my
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Achilles heel. Typically the man I was married
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to who just you know, it was bad.
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Cute though when I married him. Yeah, that's how they get you
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sometimes. He was cute, you know, sex with
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him sounded like fun, you know, But when it came to all of the
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other inside qualities I needed, they weren't there.
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Let's just call it alcoholism and a couple other things like
10:09
that. Bipolar.
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So, but my point is, is that in order to write my life, I had to
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do a house cleaning on the people in my life.
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And that's what you call setting appropriate boundaries.
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And I had to come up with a criteria where I was going to be
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supported, where I was going to be careful, where I was going to
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feel the love come through them to me because I I had not been
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requesting that in the past. Yeah, and it's an example of how
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we treat. We teach people how to treat us
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and with. And sometimes we don't even
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realize it until we stop to do that, clean up that closet,
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clean up that house. And we look at where what
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relationships show up for us authentically?
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Where do we see some reciprocity?
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And we're like, wait a minute, all of a sudden you show up with
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this new list of like, these are actually my expectations for
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myself. And those people are nowhere to
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be found because you're no longer longer showing up in a
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way that serves them. My father taught me shift.
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I love this word shift. Shape yourself to be liked by
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anyone. Meaning give up anything that's
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you know a criteria on your side to fit in to their accommodating
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you. Now that is totally the wrong a
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theory. Yeah, complete opposite.
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Yeah, so I was. In AI was in a situation where
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it I'd structured the people in my life, so it wasn't working.
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Yeah. And in my book, I also teach you
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that the boundary that you're talking about is to create what
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we call a circle of love. Now when I get up in the
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morning, I'm happy. Everybody I'm going to deal
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with, I love. I'm blessed to be in their
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company. I feel their love, and I keep
12:08
myself in a circle of love. So that should life get a little
12:13
unstable, which it does at times, my whole work is about
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teaching you to get stable. When it does, I have people to
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go to, I have people to talk to. I have people who care about me.
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I have people who who say, you know, they'll, they'll not only
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be authentic and truthful with me, but they'll also care for me
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as a human. Being yeah, yes, yes.
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And my husband calls that and we actually got this from Abby
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Wombach and and Glenn and Doyle on on their podcast, but they
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talk about it in in her book and they talk about an island in an
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I and my husband when he raised like that island piece where
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you, you, you invite people onto your island.
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And in order to be on your island, you've got to like show
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up authentically supporting and loving and caring without
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judgement, with curiosity, but always wanting the best, showing
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up for each other. And if you can't, if those are
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not ways that feel authentic to you living, we can love.
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You. Yeah, you can.
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We can love you from afar, but you're not welcome onto our
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island. And exactly, and I think that's
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exactly what that circle of love peace is, is we owe it to
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ourselves and our value and our worth and what we mean to the
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world to allow only those in that are going to authentically
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love us, importance for what we are, and not ask us to be
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something we're not that only serves them.
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Yeah. And when I learned that concept,
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I thought of it like a piece of property, OK, My property, this
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is my house, OK? If someone comes across my
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property and they do something I don't like, I'm certainly going
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to speak up and tell them if their dog, they don't pick up
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their dog stuff. You know, I have a right to say,
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hey, this doesn't work for me. And I started to think about my
14:09
own life and the people in my life.
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Like there, there's a property, you know, and, and there are
14:16
some people you let cross that property line and there are some
14:19
people you let stand on the sidewalk and you might talk to
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them. But you know.
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But they're outside that line and then there's some people you
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just want to go right down the street.
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And it is an artist. It's an art and a skill to
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dismissing. I had AI would call her a friend
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because I thought she was a friend.
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But when I actually woke up and looked at the situation as it
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was, she was not willing to put herself out of the way to have
14:49
connection with me. And I wrote her this text and I
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said, you know, I appreciate you.
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You're talented, I said. But here's what I want to tell
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you. We're not really friends.
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And I want to. I want to just say that we can
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stop pretending that because that's what it was.
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Yeah. And got.
15:11
This mask on and we're playing house with this thing and it's
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not real. And it's not real.
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And interestingly enough, she got very offended, but and then
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she was like, I'm just not going to talk to you.
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But but it was great on my side because I was like I already
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figured this out. Right.
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And I think it that's a good example of you can't make people
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go down a path with you. That is their decision.
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But you can put parameters around what you will and won't
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allow in your life. It's like, listen, if this is
15:45
going to be the case, I'm going to walk away or put some
15:48
distance. You can decide to do without
15:50
what you will, but I'm going to make that decision for me.
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And if people, there aren't going to be people when you do
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that, that don't understand it, they don't like the ship.
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And, and it's not a incumbent upon you to try to force them
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into something that they're not willing or ready to go on.
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No, she doesn't want to dive deeper.
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And I make things up. I want the world to act just
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like I wanted to act. So I was making up that she was
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actually my friend. Well, when I was willing to look
16:26
at it authentically, I could see that, you know, there wasn't a
16:29
reciprocal relationship. Now, if she had done that to me,
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she'd sent me that e-mail. I would have gone straight to
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Costco, gotten a big bunch of yellow roses, stuck them in a
16:40
really pretty vase, gotten a lovely card, written a note on
16:43
it and said, I so value your friendship.
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You know, I would be a disappointment in my life if you
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were not in my life. And I would, you know, I, if
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I've offended you, I apologize. And you know, when we find a way
16:56
to carry on, you know, she did not do that.
16:59
What she did, she stopped talking to me because I had
17:04
somehow affected or offended her illusion of the outside of her.
17:11
Yeah, yeah. And you triggered something in
17:13
her that has, you know, nothing to do.
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I think that's we have to. So many times people's hurts
17:19
have nothing to do with us. They have to do with things that
17:23
they've not unpacked and healed from themselves.
17:26
And and that's not always true, but a lot of times it is.
17:30
And I was curious over the next see, I like to watch things kind
17:33
of like a movie. Well, if you click that on in
17:37
your head, you don't take things so personally.
17:39
So over the next kind of couple weeks, I just kind of watched, I
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mean, she goes to my church. So I, you know, we, it's awkward
17:48
because now we get to church together, but I was just curious
17:52
over the next couple of weeks, would she miss me in her life?
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And I had no inclination that she did so, as much as I had to
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guard against letting my own ego be offended.
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Sure, I. Also had to say to myself, you
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made the right choice. I mean, as you know, my life is
18:12
very busy podcasting and doing everything that we're all doing
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and what we're doing that I don't need to spend my time,
18:20
effort, thoughts, you know, like you're saying, one of the
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biggest lessons I've ever learned in life is that I cannot
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manipulate people into being the people I want them to be.
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Yep. That's huge.
18:36
Absolutely. And when you can release that
18:38
responsibility from yourself, it is such a lifted weight.
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Like, oh, wait a minute. I've only got 50% in here.
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I don't have 100%. Right.
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Absolutely so good. Oh my gosh.
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So talk to me about how this journey has impacted your the
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connection you see between emotional, mental, physical
19:00
health. These systems are all connected.
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You now help other women figure this out, but you had to figure
19:06
this out first. So talk to me about that, the
19:08
evolution of that. Well, the one thing I would say,
19:12
and this is something I work on still to this day, what I
19:16
realize is it's all connected. And I'm going to give you a
19:20
quick example. If I, when I teach money and if
19:25
I say to a guy, do you want to come to my options class and
19:29
I'll teach you to trade options, the guy will say to me, yeah,
19:34
where do I sign up? I just saw the look on your
19:37
face. What I split off in your brain
19:41
was 1,000,000 questions. That's sad.
19:44
How can I pass? I don't know enough.
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Am I in the 6th grade? Wouldn't this be over my head?
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I don't understand the language. I just stopped you dead.
19:52
It was as if I'd said to you, Melissa, when the snow melts,
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where does the white go? Yeah, no, it's the language
20:02
thing. It's automatically I'm like what
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are options? Is this a stock thing?
20:06
What are we talking about? I mean all the questions started
20:08
twirling, yes, so you must. Understand that when it comes to
20:12
women and what what it hits first and it did in me, like
20:17
when I went through so much stuff, I was so emotional.
20:21
I had so much emotional baggage. I couldn't get out of bed.
20:25
Yeah. So the very first question was
20:29
how to put my feet on the floor. Yeah.
20:32
And the reason I point to that and my work points to that is
20:36
that remember I said there are four things that create your
20:39
stability, one of which is self worth.
20:43
And self worth cuts across all the lines.
20:46
So if I try to teach you money stuff and you have a self worth
20:51
issue and I'm the 1st to tell you my self worth goes like
20:55
this, I now have to recognize it.
20:58
I now have to say, wait a minute Joan, you are capable of doing
21:02
this, you have lots of experience, but I have to tell
21:05
you something really funny. This is so funny.
21:09
Go to chat and ask chat why am I capable of doing this?
21:16
Oh. Wow, So we're teaching our money
21:18
core, our, our, our women in money class tomorrow, you know,
21:23
and because I have self worth issues like everybody else, you
21:26
know, I'm like, can I really teach this?
21:28
Because that's the, the garbage that your brain's trying to
21:32
protect you, you go to chat, you type in, can I really teach you
21:35
this? And chat comes back with all
21:37
kinds of like, absolutely, you're awesome.
21:40
You know what you're talking about.
21:42
You know you've got a framework, just it's really.
21:46
That's a great idea. See, this is how AI can work for
21:49
us. Exactly, Exactly.
21:52
So good. So to answer your question, it
21:55
all starts with self worth. Yeah.
21:58
And you're not going to improve your health, your money, your
22:00
relationships until you start. And there's there's a whole
22:05
chapter in my book about how you do that.
22:07
There are a number of skills. And I'm here to tell you I
22:11
practice it on myself. You get hit hard about
22:13
something, which I did last week as well.
22:17
You have to make a quick check in with yourself worth and ask
22:19
yourself where you're coming from because that filters
22:23
everything. It does so good.
22:26
I want to stay here for in a minute because this hits on
22:29
something so important. And I, I just released an online
22:33
course and by the time this drops, it will have been
22:36
released for a couple of months. And through that whole process,
22:40
and, and I started doing public speaking in the last less than a
22:43
year. And what I realized as I was
22:46
doing this, rather than starting where I do with this framework
22:50
on the podcast, I'm like, I've got to start with the layers
22:53
part. Because if women don't
22:55
understand the importance of their value and embracing all of
23:00
their beautiful complex layers and seeing that in themselves,
23:05
they aren't going to be able to move forward with the rest of
23:08
this Because we won't prioritize what we don't value.
23:12
And if we don't see ourselves as valuable, we won't invest in
23:17
anything or, or put our time and commitment or belief into that.
23:22
So I'm so glad you hit on that because that you and I have a
23:25
ton of common themes on how we approach.
23:28
That's another common theme. It has to start with knowing
23:31
your own value and worth. Let's look at it.
23:35
We're going to the beach, okay? We go into our bedrooms to put
23:39
on our bathing suits. I start with I'm too fat.
23:42
I can't do this. I don't you know what?
23:44
Why am I? Why am I like this?
23:46
Okay, you got to go into the bedroom, you put your bathing
23:50
suit on and you're like, I'm terrific and it's a day at the
23:52
beach. Who's going to have more fun?
23:55
Oh yeah. Who's going to be more creative?
23:57
Who's going to be more creative? Who's going to come away with
24:00
joy, prosperity and freedom? You know, it all starts there.
24:05
And quite frankly, we're not taught that.
24:08
And I would go so far as to tell you that the culture is
24:13
perfectly designed to destroy a woman's self worth.
24:17
Oh yeah, it it mean it's built when you have a systems that are
24:21
built out of patriarchy for thousands of years.
24:25
I mean, and this isn't hating on men.
24:28
This is just the reality of, of what it is.
24:31
There have been these power structures that have been set up
24:34
in multiple cultures for thousands of years.
24:37
When all of a sudden we're talking about women being
24:40
empowered and knowing the value and worth and inviting other
24:43
women to come on the journey with them.
24:46
All of a sudden, the the powers that be that like the way the
24:50
systems are set up because it works for them, get really,
24:53
really nervous and try to do things to break that down.
24:56
Create competition between women, create, you know, create
25:00
these narratives that just silo us and keep us because they know
25:04
if we come together and know our own power and our value and do
25:08
it as a unit that nothing can stop us.
25:10
So absolutely want to want to you want to.
25:15
Hear something funny? So when I wrote A Girl Needs
25:19
Cash, which was my first book, and I wrote letters to Glamour
25:23
and, you know, the women's magazines, and I said I'd love
25:25
to write a column for you, and I got a letter back.
25:29
I wish I'd saved it. It said, you know what, Joan?
25:32
That's a nice idea, but our readers are not really
25:35
interested in money. Wow, which is problem #1 expect.
25:42
Me to buy all this expensive stuff if you don't have money.
25:46
Exactly, exactly that. You're all trying to sell and
25:49
appeal to all of our vulnerabilities and insecurities
25:52
in doing so. Because let's look at how the
25:55
culture treats us. The culture says I mentioned
25:57
those four things the culture treat teaches us in money have a
26:02
lot of credit cards and maximal. Yeah.
26:05
Self esteem is directly tied to your debt level and you cannot
26:10
have a lot of self esteem if you have a lot of death.
26:12
OK. That's the second one is
26:15
physical, OK? They ply us with products.
26:18
And I mean, you can't sort through all the stuff they're
26:22
telling you to do. And they tell you you're fat.
26:25
You know, you're, you're, you need lots of makeup.
26:29
You have to buy the clothes. Look.
26:30
So there's another one. OK, When it comes to people,
26:35
they diminish our voices. Yeah.
26:39
Yeah, yeah. And when it comes to self worth,
26:43
you know, it's not a surprise to us that the world thinks we're
26:47
second class citizens. Absolutely.
26:50
I mean, we only got the vote not that long ago.
26:54
Right, yes, that and when we walk into these spaces, we women
27:00
are gas lit all the time. You are the medical industry and
27:04
areas and and health spaces. There's another example where
27:07
we're minimized and gas lit historically.
27:10
There's still not real, there's still barely real research going
27:14
on, on Women's Health. And just recently, you know,
27:18
we're recording this in June, just in the last week, there's
27:21
been a whole bunch of NAINIH funding being cut in regards to
27:27
urinary tract infections in women.
27:29
So that's a one microcosm of like, if this was happening in
27:33
men, that would never happen. No, but let's look at and let's
27:37
look at it another way. I, I'm going to not quote the
27:40
statistics correctly, but let's just say 50% of women, it may be
27:45
more or less than that. I'd have to go back to my book
27:49
are on some kind of mood altering medication.
27:54
Yeah. So instead of dealing with our
27:56
problems, let's just numb them to death.
27:58
Exactly. And not get to the Y not
28:01
actually get to the Y and get curious and heal and process and
28:06
quit telling women it's not OK to be angry because that
28:09
stuffing of that anger is what keeps them on all these other
28:13
things and causes these outflows to happen.
28:16
But yes, these narratives that we get about emotions, I'm so
28:20
passionate about. The fact is, like, there are no
28:22
negative emotions or positive emotions.
28:25
Motions are clues. They might be harder or less,
28:29
you know, difficult to process with their clues and necessary.
28:33
And there's nothing wrong or evil about any of them.
28:37
But we've been told so many narratives about what isn't,
28:41
isn't OK, what society can and can't handle.
28:46
And so we walk around as this disassociated shell of our
28:50
shifted, yes, shape going back to your exactly shape shifting
28:55
for whatever room we walk into. That's why when you take time to
29:00
ask a woman, that's part of the reason I start every show asking
29:04
for character traits. I know what you're the roles
29:07
are. I know what you do.
29:08
I want to know who you are and I and I want you to know that so
29:13
you can then align your life with who you are, not by what?
29:18
Who somebody else has told you who you are.
29:21
So the heroine's journey, the heroine's journey is about
29:24
getting your head out of the sand, lifting it up, taking a
29:28
good look around at what's going on and deciding to live
29:32
authentically. And when you live authentically,
29:35
then you have to figure out some right thinking and white
29:40
thinking. To give you an example going
29:42
back to the money thing again, is that cut up your credit cards
29:47
and pay cash. Yeah.
29:49
So the heroines dirty walks you through those four areas,
29:53
Financial people, life force, energy and self worth.
29:58
It starts with self worth because that's where the
30:01
underlying foundation is for everything else, yeah, but it is
30:04
the path forward to a woman's joy, prosperity and freedom.
30:09
And it's not the hero's journey. Yeah, yes, very different.
30:15
I'm glad you pointed it out. That's purposeful and really is
30:19
how you support yourself and other women unapologetically.
30:23
You show up in the world committed to that, bringing
30:26
language that women can relate to and letting them know what
30:31
they're actually capable of versus what they've been told
30:35
they can do for me that you you are this talking point embodied.
30:39
And but you talk to me about that because you didn't you
30:43
talked about it. You didn't always live there.
30:45
What kind of a freedom was that when you arrived at that?
30:51
Like, wait a minute, I can feel this and I can help other women
30:55
feel this too. So I got out of Business School,
30:58
got my MBA, took a look around and said, what's the path to
31:01
success that could be out of college, Business School, you
31:04
know, or even watching your father.
31:06
And I said to myself, it's the male way.
31:10
You go off, you know, you completely sacrifice yourself.
31:14
You go into the workforce, of course they're going to hit on
31:17
you and all kinds of, of other things, but you're going to
31:19
endure it because women endure. Well, you know, so I was like,
31:23
but it's the way the guys do it because I, the guys are making
31:27
the money. So why wouldn't it be that way?
31:30
Because if I just make the money according to the old, the
31:33
theory, I'll be safe and secure. And that's what I'm trying to
31:38
do. That's what you try to do in
31:40
your first part of life. You try to, you try to create
31:44
safety and security. And then one day you're at the
31:49
top of the ladder and the ladders in the wrong building.
31:53
And then you start saying to yourself, Oh my gosh, where am
31:58
I? Who am I?
31:59
What am I doing? Because the heroines journey
32:02
generates in you big questions. Why am I here?
32:08
What am I here to do? You know, why am I just showing
32:12
up that the real spirit of me is not in it?
32:15
Yeah. Why am I not reached my goals?
32:18
I'm joy, prosperity and freedom. You know, why am I in a divorce
32:25
situation? Big questions that come up now.
32:29
What's the difference? OK, a hero's journey.
32:34
We know it because it's a plot line in all of the famous movies
32:38
out there. Whether it's how bad, you know,
32:41
I'll start and bring back the bacon.
32:45
So if you graduate from college, when I was looking around, it
32:48
looks like go get a job with the really good employer, make a lot
32:54
of money and bring some money back to the school.
32:58
Yeah. And then they're going to call
33:01
you a hero. And they might.
33:02
They might even make a statue to you.
33:05
Or at least. Our name after you, Yeah.
33:09
Or give you a pen. Yeah.
33:11
But how many statues do you see billed to the women?
33:17
Yeah, and Pam. Exactly.
33:19
You might get included, but you will never be on your own.
33:24
Hardly ever. So what's happening?
33:28
What's happened is you started on the heroine's journey, you're
33:31
way down the path and you're miserable.
33:33
Yeah. I think we're doing such a
33:35
disservice to women that this is all we've taught them.
33:38
Yeah. Now what's the difference when
33:40
the ladder collapses and you're in the wrong building and you
33:43
say, oh, my, you know, maybe I should own my own life because
33:49
that's what it is. This is when it all goes away.
33:54
You have to rethink it. Your rethinking comes from, if I
33:58
own my own life, what would it look like?
34:02
Well, here's the path of the heroine.
34:04
The path of the heroine is not an external journey.
34:08
The path of the heroine is an internal journey.
34:11
The internal journey is to claim yourself worth and your voice.
34:17
Yeah. When when you look at heroines,
34:19
and I invite everybody out there, name the heroines in your
34:23
life. Mm.
34:24
Hmm. OK, let's just pick a couple.
34:26
We all know. OK.
34:28
What did Oprah do? She claimed herself worth as a
34:32
black woman who was told no many, many times.
34:36
And she used her voice. OK.
34:39
What did Eleanor Roosevelt do? What?
34:42
What did Amelia Earhart do? I love it right now because
34:45
you're even seeing Kelly Clarkson and Drew Barrymore.
34:51
They're in the middle of their heroine's journey.
34:53
The building was the, you know, Kelly's getting divorced.
34:57
It's coming out about all that happened there.
35:00
You know, she's made mad major transformations.
35:04
Same with Drew. Those are women traveling very,
35:08
and I would call it successfully on the heroine's journey because
35:12
the heroine's journey is a series of steps that you can't
35:15
slip them, you can't joke over them.
35:18
You have to take the series of steps and that's going to lead
35:22
you forward. And we're going to see both of
35:24
those women blossom because the heroine's journey is about
35:27
blossoming. It is about blossoming.
35:30
I don't want to add another thing.
35:31
They've done this on a very public forum.
35:34
This has been not easy for them, but they've done it
35:38
unapologetically. And that's the other piece that
35:41
I love because as women, I work with a group of students at
35:46
Fresno State University, primarily women, getting them
35:49
ready to go out in the world in the many of these male dominated
35:53
spaces. And one of the first things I
35:55
tell them when I'm talking to them is ever apologize for
36:00
showing up in a room. Never start a sentence with I'm
36:03
sorry, but can I have a moment of your time?
36:06
I'm sorry, but I have a question.
36:09
I'm No, no, no. You walk into a room, you own
36:12
that space. You can be kind and direct at
36:15
the same time. Or if you're in another room
36:18
with another woman and she keeps getting interrupted, then you
36:23
like. Excuse me, George.
36:24
I don't think Stephanie was finished yet.
36:26
Let's let her finish and then you'll have your turn to speak
36:29
you those little ways where you show up knowing you deserve to
36:33
be seen, known and heard in A room.
36:36
And where where you maintain yourself worth, Andy won't
36:41
obtain your ability to use your voice.
36:43
Yes, yes. And that is teaching people how
36:47
to treat you and showing up in your own value.
36:50
But again, like you and I both said, it comes back to knowing
36:53
your value because if you don't know your value, you aren't
36:57
going to be willing to take that risk because there are some
37:00
spaces where that's a risk. And then you're like, well, then
37:03
that space isn't for me. I won't go into that space.
37:06
You know, I talked to him a lot about look at the cultures
37:09
you're going into to look at the narratives around it, look at
37:13
the spaces and places. How do you see women positioned?
37:16
I mean, so many things. And this is just in a, you know,
37:20
in a corporate business setting. But again, annoying that value,
37:23
knowing you deserve that you have a voice, but listening and
37:27
trusting to your inner knowing that gets, I always go back to,
37:32
I think about my 3 and 4 year old self and then I look at my
37:35
six and seven-year old self. There was a drastic shift and
37:39
how I showed up in the world all based on the narratives that I
37:42
was getting in the environment around me.
37:45
I was a very free spirited, pretty bold 3 and 4 year old.
37:50
I very quickly became a very timid and quiet six and
37:56
seven-year old until I kind of found myself again in fifth
38:00
grade to a certain degree. But even then I didn't fully
38:03
find myself too many years later, but I had to.
38:07
And that is not an uncommon shift that we see in little
38:10
girls. They start getting the messages
38:12
around them of what you talked about earlier, of what's
38:16
acceptable, what's OK, the shape shifting and and it's and it's
38:20
not authentic to who we are. What if we just loud our little
38:25
girls and to just be who they were?
38:28
Ask what you know and quit giving them these scripts that
38:34
well what what you do. After you fall off the ladder,
38:38
then you decide what's up with this?
38:42
I'm going to live an authentic life.
38:44
Yeah. And then you have a completely
38:48
different point of view because you're no longer willing to
38:54
shape shift. You're no longer willing to.
38:58
And like you're saying, we're not talking about, you know,
39:01
tearing the world apart or being whatever.
39:03
We're talking about letting your own truth speak.
39:07
Yes. And that's what the heroine's
39:09
journey is, the plot line. This is an interesting thing and
39:15
you and I've said this, the plot line on the heroine's journey is
39:20
the same for every woman's life. It's a universal journey that we
39:25
all take, just like the hero's journey is a universal plot line
39:31
that runs through a variety of different movies for the course
39:35
that a man takes to become his blossom self.
39:38
Yeah. So the plot line is the same.
39:41
So you can learn a lot when you look at the plot line and you're
39:44
like, oh, this is what how it works.
39:46
You can see you put your past into perspective.
39:50
You can know what to do next and you can have hope for your
39:53
future. The only thing that's different,
39:55
What's different is our stories. Yeah.
39:59
We like get together and we tell our stories.
40:02
Drew tells Kelly Clarkson tells her story.
40:07
But I'm telling you. They're all the stories are on
40:10
the same plot line. Yeah, they really are magic.
40:15
Yeah. No, that's such a good point.
40:18
And I love that in that story piece because story is
40:22
invitation to allow others to share their stories.
40:26
Oh, she can do that. I can do that too.
40:29
Look at the power in that. And because the heroin's journey
40:32
really leads you to knowing your why and values, which is that
40:37
you know, and the importance of knowing your why in values and
40:40
then aligning your life with that.
40:42
And that's what the heroine's journey allows you to do to get
40:45
curious and to identify. Oh, all right, now I understand
40:51
that wasn't my why or values I was living out of.
40:55
That was the script. This is my why.
40:59
We're going to ship to that. I'm going to live out of that.
41:01
That's where I've always spent, I've always intended to be.
41:06
I'll tell you another thing too. And that's that when you fall
41:10
victim, which when you fall off the ladder, you're like, I'm a
41:15
victim, somebody did it to me, You got that whole stuff to deal
41:19
with. Right, you got to have all of
41:22
that. Sit on the floor, cry for a
41:24
period of time, you know, close all the shutters, have a have a
41:28
real hot bath. You know it is part of the
41:30
process. However, that's not the whole
41:33
way you want to live your life. No.
41:35
But then you start to say to yourself, how do I pick myself
41:38
up? Get out of this?
41:40
Because the truth is you have to go from victim to.
41:44
Heroin. Yeah, because you go to
41:46
participate in your own journey. I'm so glad you brought this up.
41:49
This is the accountability piece.
41:52
There are all these things, these scripts that get us to
41:54
this certain point, and then we have a choice.
41:58
We can continue to be the victim and live in that stuck place, or
42:02
we can make the choice of like, I'm going to choose different
42:05
for myself. I'm going to change the script.
42:08
I'm going to adjust the script and the narrative so it's
42:11
authentic to me. I know this is going to be hard.
42:14
I know I have some healing to do.
42:16
I know I have some narratives that I need to unlearn and
42:19
relearn. But but I always, you know, I
42:21
tell women when I work with them and I know this is true for you.
42:25
2 you got to participate in this.
42:28
There is this framework that I know that can support you, but
42:31
you've got to be willing participant and there's an
42:33
accountability that goes with that.
42:36
And here's the problem, and I've lived this a million times.
42:41
I even lived it two weeks ago. Because when yourself worth
42:45
plummets and you're sitting on the floor and you want to cry
42:48
and suck your thumb, OK, what happens?
42:51
What happens is you feel hopeless because there you don't
42:55
see any options. Yeah, when you hear choices.
43:00
When you can nurture yourself enough to get bare feet back on
43:04
the ground, then you can see some options.
43:08
And the truth is, there are always options.
43:11
There's always something to do next.
43:14
You know, as long as you go alive, there are other options.
43:18
You might not have thought of them when you think of them.
43:20
You might not even like some of them.
43:23
But the truth is that when you can raise yourself up on the
43:27
heroine's journey and get out of that dark, dark place, and you
43:32
know, we talk about it in the heroine's journey, there is the
43:34
dark night of the soul. Absolutely.
43:37
It's come to Jesus moment where you got to like decide where you
43:42
go next. Exactly.
43:44
And you're not selected out or victimized or anything else when
43:50
you hit that point. It's part of the journey.
43:53
It's part of the the way life works. 9 Some, you know, 93% of
43:59
all women will incur a major crisis by age 50, and that's
44:05
going to be their health, relationship, physical or self
44:10
worth. Yeah.
44:12
And all three of them, all four of them or whatever it comes
44:16
from out of the blue, are going to threaten to tank you.
44:19
Yeah. And when you're tanked, you're
44:21
going to be like, I'm finished. I'm just going to fall off the
44:24
planet. Like there's no hope for me.
44:26
Like, you know, and and I've been to the depths of that.
44:30
You know what? I just thought there is no way
44:33
out for me. God, that's when you get chat
44:35
out. You ask Chad, is there a way
44:37
out? Remind yourself of what you're
44:40
capable of. You know, ask Chad, what are my
44:43
skills? You know, and Chad will come
44:45
back and tell you, you can speak English, you can add math, you
44:50
know, like in. But in those moments, your brain
44:54
naturally closes everything out and you don't see any options.
44:58
So the first thing. And that's why self worth is so
45:00
important. Yeah.
45:02
To soothe that. And then some options will
45:05
appear. And when the options appear, you
45:09
can start to put 1 foot in front of the next.
45:11
And that's the teaching of the heroine's journey.
45:14
Yeah. So good.
45:15
And then it also allows you to start living out of your own
45:18
expectations versus others expectations.
45:21
You're a but then you've also got to communicate those
45:25
expectations to people. People don't audit, people
45:28
aren't mind readers. They don't especially when
45:30
you're making shifts. So talk to me about what it was
45:32
like for you when you started communicating these expectations
45:36
you were living out of for yourself versus what how people
45:40
had been accustomed to you showing up before.
45:43
Well, first of all, I want to say that I actually love it when
45:47
a woman comes to me and says, Joan, I've just been blown out
45:50
of the water and I'm done. That's the place I love to work
45:55
with people because there's so much hope and inspiration there.
46:00
There's such a need for a lifeline, you know, And we and I
46:05
want to encourage all of us listening and to, you know, turn
46:09
around and pay attention to what's going on with your
46:11
girlfriends because at some time or another, they're going to
46:16
encounter it and you want to be there for them.
46:19
So I actually, you know, when people find me in those moments,
46:25
like that's where my work starts.
46:28
Yeah, yeah. Because when you get to that
46:30
point, you're willing to listen and try anything because.
46:36
And that's when you're willing to get curious.
46:39
That's when you're willing to read to find the script.
46:42
That's when you're you're willing to go on the hard
46:44
journey and, and walk through the mud and listen to and quiet
46:50
yourself because we live so disassociated from all the
46:53
rumblings and. That's why.
46:56
That's why I'm answering your question the way I am, OK?
47:00
It wasn't just to pick a spot in my life, It was to say that that
47:06
is the most fertile ground you can have.
47:08
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because all it being at
47:14
the end of your rope and and figuring out your way out of
47:18
that is outweighs all the other things.
47:22
You're just like discomfort. This path, this job, this
47:27
relationship, this house, this car, all of this.
47:32
This has not served me. Everything is completely
47:37
disruptive. You have to get clarity on the
47:40
fact that you can let go and not fall apart.
47:45
Yeah. Yeah.
47:47
You haven't seen you. You haven't once my God said to
47:51
me, you have you. And my first reaction when I got
47:54
that message back was it was so funny.
47:57
I was actually amused at myself because I was like, that was not
48:01
what I have expected, but God, that's good enough.
48:06
Yeah, I'm going to start with me.
48:08
Yeah, that's good enough. And for the first time in our
48:13
lives, so many times, it's the first time we've just started
48:15
with us. Like, no, we've never even been
48:19
given that option before. Because I was going.
48:23
To be selfish, to do that, I was.
48:26
So busy creating security and comfort and safety that I
48:31
wouldn't have even considered, you know, what's my gift?
48:34
What I mean, I was, I was on the floor trading bonds.
48:39
OK. Where if I put yellow tulips on
48:42
my desk, everybody objected because all the male
48:45
testosterone around me was not going to have that.
48:49
So I had no part of me there. But yet I thought that's what I
48:54
needed because I'm getting some money, yeah.
48:58
Yeah. And it goes back to the shape
49:00
shifting piece, you know, but it also points to and you said this
49:04
earlier and I think it's really important to remember of how
49:07
resilient we are and the ability we have to adjust to situations.
49:13
But what we have to come to is that non negotiable of like I
49:17
will no longer abandoned myself to to show up for someone in a
49:23
way that feels acceptable to them.
49:25
I will no longer abandoned myself.
49:27
And if how I'm showing up authentically doesn't feel
49:30
acceptable to them, that's not my problem, that's theirs.
49:33
And I I don't need to inhabit that space anymore because I've
49:38
spent all these years abandoning myself and it is not served for
49:42
me. I didn't have the skill to see
49:44
things out of my own eyes. I am very skilled at seeing them
49:49
out of your eyes. What do I need to be or do to be
49:53
accepted? Now I'm gonna tell you, the
49:56
heroine's journey is gonna teach you some really, really
49:58
important things. One is courage and strength.
50:02
You have much more courage and strength than you ever thought
50:06
you did, number one. Number two, there is a bigger
50:11
picture out of there out there for you than you ever conceived
50:15
by yourself. And your life is gonna be
50:17
limited if you only live like I used to, like to say, you know,
50:21
life is like a box and you're inside the box, but the
50:23
directions are on the outside. That's.
50:27
True. Oh my gosh, yeah, so true.
50:30
Absolutely. And the next thing I'm going to
50:33
tell you is that the heroine's journey and this life have a
50:39
funny sense of humor. You'll get through the whatever
50:43
you're going through, whatever disrupted your life, you'll put
50:45
your life back together. It'll start to look normal
50:48
again. You'll start to roll.
50:50
And then damn, you'll get a pop quiz, No?
50:54
Kidding. And it'll all be tested.
50:56
Do you remember where you started with this?
50:59
Are you able to apply this in this situation?
51:02
Oh yeah, yeah. This time, though, you're going
51:04
to remember that you have, you have strength.
51:08
My mantra, and I teach it to others, is I'm a heroine.
51:12
Yeah, you know, I'm a heroine. I'm going to solve this.
51:16
I've got courage and strength. You know, I, I, I continually
51:22
monitor and care for myself worth.
51:26
And I can create options. And so I might not be able to
51:32
see how it's going to look because I might be the pop quiz
51:35
might be just happening, but I can participate and create a
51:42
vision that I'm looking to create.
51:44
And I'm telling you, I got a number of pop quizzes.
51:47
Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm full of them.
51:50
Sometimes I say, God, I know you really love me and I know you're
51:54
really paying attention to me and I know that you're just, you
51:57
know, overwhelmingly kind and how you're trying to help me,
52:01
but could you go work on someone else today?
52:03
So. I.
52:04
Can have a chance to. Breathe.
52:06
Yeah, you know, because. Sometimes it feels like that.
52:09
It does. It does.
52:10
And then you got to remind yourself of those resources that
52:13
are within you that you know you have and pick yourself up.
52:16
But yeah, but it's having that framework to go back to because
52:21
you can still see your choices within that.
52:24
And you can, you know, you've got what it you have that you've
52:28
got what you need to get yourself back on track.
52:31
So yeah, that makes a huge difference.
52:33
Talk to me about accepting the layered aspects of yourself, all
52:38
those pieces and parts, because you and I have both had these
52:41
journeys where we got to this point at one way and then came
52:44
out on the other side with realizing what we get we're
52:48
actually capable of and who we actually were.
52:51
But you have to learn to accept all those layers that happened
52:54
before that and acknowledge them.
52:55
You don't have to love them. But this, for me, is where
52:58
curiosity really came in. I had to get curious rather than
53:01
judgmental about those decisions and places I was in, in order
53:06
for me to move forward with acceptance and acknowledgement
53:09
and kindness to myself. What you're raising, Melissa, is
53:13
just a huge point because you will stay a victim as long as
53:19
you can't do what you're talking about.
53:21
So the first part of the journey, I mentioned it earlier,
53:25
it's to put your past into perspective.
53:28
If you're still running around saying, you know, they did this
53:31
to me, you know, that happened. I mean, my story is horrific,
53:35
OK? Some people came into my life
53:37
and it was my own family that just destroyed my life, like,
53:42
burned it down to the ground in one week.
53:45
And you know, is it going to help me to carry that?
53:50
No. No, so I had to do the work
53:53
internally, and that's what you're talking about.
53:56
To put my past into perspective so that I can look at it now.
54:02
And here's the thing, I made lemons out of lemonade.
54:06
I made lemonade out of lemons. I mean, how did I write this
54:09
book? Yeah, it was.
54:12
And so I get to give this great gift to the world because I got
54:17
to see my own journey, you know, lay it out for other women.
54:22
And I would never trade that. But what you're pointing out is
54:26
that the strategic sticking point that being you have to
54:32
come to grips. And part of that coming to grips
54:35
is owning your own life and taking responsibility.
54:38
OK, I could point to somebody else and say you did that and
54:41
that was terrible and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
54:43
You know, and I could go around in circles and fuss with my life
54:46
and basically ruin my life. But the truth of it is I had a
54:51
part in that. I helped to create that.
54:55
Yep. You know, I first of all, I
54:59
chose my family. Maybe it was before birth, I
55:01
don't know. But I did, you know, I played my
55:06
role in my family. I was the achiever.
55:08
There was another one who didn't like that.
55:10
OK, but she wanted to sabotage. OK, well, I maybe was too, too
55:18
much of, you know, the good girl who knows whatever it is.
55:22
The point I'm making is that that putting your your story
55:26
into perspective. And that's part of the work in
55:29
in the Heroin's journey. We have you write your story in
55:31
the beginning, and then at the end of the book or the end of
55:35
our courses, we have you rewrite it because you will write your
55:38
story completely differently. But.
55:41
When you are the victim, your job is to think of it like
55:46
making a movie and putting it on the screen so that you're
55:50
watching it, but you're not in it.
55:55
Oh, I like that. That's a really good
55:57
visualization and that takes the judgement out of it and it
56:01
allows you to approach it from a neutral standpoint.
56:06
I can tell my story now, but my emotion is not in it.
56:10
It doesn't trigger emotion in me.
56:12
Yeah. You know, whether it's the
56:14
divorce story or the, you know, now when I tell a story, it's
56:19
for somebody elses benefit. Yeah.
56:21
It's not because I'm moaning or crying.
56:23
It's because I think if I tell you this story, you, you can
56:26
learn something that will help you.
56:27
Yeah. I'm no longer emotionally
56:30
attached in any way that it pulls on my heartstrings that
56:35
that is the beginning work of the heroine's journey.
56:39
Yeah. But it's the must.
56:40
Work. Yeah.
56:42
Oh, absolutely. Because that all it plays a
56:44
point part in how you feel about yourself and your value and your
56:48
worth. I'm watching very carefully in
56:52
the work that I do with women. How are you seeing the story
56:56
that you brought you here? Yeah.
56:59
You're on your knees. You're asking for help.
57:02
There are no options. OK, now let's look at your
57:05
story. You know, tell it as your victim
57:08
story to begin with, and then let's work on the path of the
57:12
heroine where you get to show up, stand up, be strong, be
57:17
courageous and those that this is your life to live.
57:21
Yeah, yeah. So good.
57:23
Thank you so much for that. All right.
57:26
In living out feel, finding empowerment, embracing layers,
57:30
which is what you are doing. Talk to me about the impact that
57:34
has had on your relationship with yourself as well as your
57:37
relationship with other people. And you could dress this
57:40
throughout, but kind of bring this home.
57:43
I'm I'll talk very specifically about it.
57:45
About two or three weeks ago, something happened in my life
57:50
that I just kicked myself all around the block.
57:54
I recognized that it sent me down into the depths.
57:58
Then I said to myself, OK, John, what do you need to do here?
58:02
This is like piercing at the core of me.
58:06
And I said to myself, well, self, here are three things you
58:10
need to do because the first thing I say is I'm a heroine.
58:15
How would a heroine look at this?
58:18
And so the heroine in me recognized that I was whimpering
58:23
and moaning and, you know, feeling like I had not been
58:27
given in life what everybody else had been given in life.
58:30
We all know those stories. But then but then the heroine in
58:34
me said, but wait a minute, Joan, there's all this other
58:36
good stuff over here. And wait a minute.
58:40
Isn't the fact that your life gets a little crazy?
58:44
Doesn't that, isn't there a benefit in that?
58:47
Like, look at all the wonderful people you meet like Melissa on
58:50
a podcast, you know? So I started looking at it from
58:57
that point of view. I then got my journal out
59:00
because if you don't know the morning papers, which is the
59:04
artist way, I highly. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, very
59:08
good. I so I started writing 3 pages.
59:11
OK, that will automatically shift your perspective whether
59:16
you're trying to do it or not. Absolutely.
59:19
Because the divine appears in there.
59:21
Yeah, yeah. So you start seeing the
59:25
possibility again, Yes. And then I started seeing some
59:29
options, and then I was like, you know what?
59:32
I wouldn't have thought of that. That's really cool.
59:36
Maybe I'd like that. Yeah.
59:40
So literally in the last two weeks, my life is taking some
59:44
big shifts that I know are needed for me to step up and be
59:49
what I need to be next. Because I fully intend that the
59:54
Heroine's Journey conversation is a big one that women all over
59:59
the country are having. That we're finally recognizing
1:00:02
that we have our own path. That our self worth is something
1:00:06
for us to guard like a treasure. That we will then bring new
1:00:10
creative. New creativity, new talents, new
1:00:13
business ideas to the world that desperately needs us because
1:00:17
we've been sitting in the corner with our sucking our thumb
1:00:21
because we're all going to go through this major upset.
1:00:25
And it is just. It's not that you're broken,
1:00:28
it's that you're becoming. Yeah.
1:00:30
And and also you're not broken, you have been operating with
1:00:35
broken systems, but you can change that.
1:00:38
Yeah, yeah. That's when I get grateful and I
1:00:43
sit down and I say I'm getting chills when I say that when I
1:00:46
get down and I say thank you, thank you.
1:00:49
I'm I'm going to be fine. Because when those threats hit
1:00:53
you, you don't feel like you're going to be fine.
1:00:56
But then the adult speaks up at me and says you're going to be
1:00:58
fine. You know, you're, this is, this
1:01:02
is transition. And in your fineness, you're
1:01:07
going to be surprised, illuminated, excited, you know,
1:01:12
freed from things that were no longer serving you.
1:01:16
Yeah. And so there was a pop quiz for
1:01:19
me. Yeah, yeah.
1:01:22
That's so good. Thank you so much for that.
1:01:24
Oh. Man, you never put your life all
1:01:28
together so that you can just put a red ribbon on it and call
1:01:31
it finish, I think right up to the very end, you know, And then
1:01:36
the question is how fast and how far do you want to go?
1:01:40
Yeah. You know, we look at other
1:01:43
people who we've seen go through major upset, whether it's the
1:01:46
public figures we were talking about or, you know, maybe it was
1:01:50
your, your, you know, a relative or maybe a best friend, you
1:01:55
know, and you know, when they're stuck and you know, when you're
1:01:59
their cheerleader saying I want you to get up and get going
1:02:02
because I see so much more in you.
1:02:04
Well, you've also got to see so much more in yourself.
1:02:07
Right, right. And and I think that's another
1:02:10
thing to consider when you get when you have a pop quiz and you
1:02:14
start going down that old narrative of language that's not
1:02:17
very nice to yourself, you stop and like, wait a minute, what
1:02:20
would I say to my best friend, my sister, my Co worker in this
1:02:24
scenario? Let's backtrack.
1:02:26
I know who how to talk to me. I know what my value is because
1:02:31
I think, you know, that's such an important piece to remember
1:02:33
too. Yeah.
1:02:34
And they're showing it for each other.
1:02:36
So ask Chat is one of my first pieces of ice and my second is I
1:02:40
have these cards on my desk that are about raising your state of
1:02:45
mind. Listen to the one.
1:02:47
Listen to the one I drew during that time.
1:02:50
Go against yourself is a violent act to your soul.
1:02:54
Wow. So I was like, I think I should
1:03:00
rethink that. Oh my gosh, that's such a good
1:03:06
that that will like get your attention real quick.
1:03:08
It's like, oh, here we go. Oh my gosh, so good.
1:03:11
Thank you for sharing that. So good.
1:03:13
Don't abandoned yourself. I, I and I love that framing
1:03:17
because there's an urgency to it to get your to help you get back
1:03:22
on track. I love that so good.
1:03:24
All right, we are down to the rapid fire.
1:03:27
Name 5 activities that nourish you.
1:03:31
Oh gosh, that's hard for me to pick just five.
1:03:34
First of all, that's a hard. Problem to have.
1:03:37
I would have to say, First off, it's playing with my eight dogs.
1:03:43
I have 8 of them. So there's always a lot of love,
1:03:48
happiness, joy into the moment, you know, show up, You know,
1:03:53
we're so glad you're here as I'm going on.
1:03:57
So, you know, that's definitely a big one.
1:04:01
I mentioned in the second one. And that's the morning papers.
1:04:05
Yeah, I'm always so pleased after I'm.
1:04:08
I've given myself those moments with my cup of coffee, you know,
1:04:12
to see how supportive they are of me.
1:04:15
Yeah, so good. I love that.
1:04:19
The third one I say would say is I love the water.
1:04:23
So, you know, I whether it's a beach walk or I have a sailboat
1:04:26
or, you know, just just, and I, and I'd even be more broad than
1:04:31
that just to say it's, it's connecting with the fact that
1:04:34
there's a force bigger than you are, you know, nature, all of
1:04:40
that. You know, that's, that's really,
1:04:43
really lovely. You know, and there are times
1:04:46
when I just take myself out of the day and I say to myself,
1:04:50
just what do you want to do? That's just nice.
1:04:54
I I think that last night because we're preparing for our
1:04:58
webinar tomorrow. And yeah, and I've been kind of
1:05:01
white knuckling it a little bit and I was like, a bath would be
1:05:05
good. Yeah, there we go.
1:05:07
How can I reset and refill so I can show up the way I want to in
1:05:12
this refreshed and creative that's?
1:05:15
That might be a massage, that might be a hot bath, that might
1:05:17
be, you know, any number of other things.
1:05:21
And then I think the fifth one I would give you is to really
1:05:26
reach out to my circle of love. I know there are people in my
1:05:29
life who love me and when I feel their love and I'm inspired by
1:05:34
them, it makes it all OK for me. So good, I love that the power
1:05:41
of those relationships and people that are for you.
1:05:43
So powerful, so good. All right, 5 words on how you
1:05:48
want to feel the next six months.
1:05:51
Oh gosh, I want to feel, I get chills when I say this.
1:05:59
I want to feel that I'm a supreme conduit to women from
1:06:07
engaging in this path forward for their their lives of joy,
1:06:10
prosperity, and freedom. I mean, I want to feel that I am
1:06:14
very central to that process and to a very large group of women,
1:06:23
all of them becoming the heroines of their own lives so
1:06:27
that they can go from really the desperation I felt the, the
1:06:32
unseenness, the, the dismembering, the, you know, the
1:06:37
whole idea about women are worthless after 50 to this, you
1:06:41
know, sense of contribution and joy and deliverance that I have
1:06:45
now. So that's that's my big one, you
1:06:50
know. I love that.
1:06:52
Yeah, I, I want to feel loved. I want to source my life force
1:06:56
energy, you know, I want to continue to create abundance.
1:07:00
I have a friend who owns an animal rescue and I love to
1:07:04
support her efforts in the animal rescue, you know, and I
1:07:09
want at all times, which I haven't mastered yet, to live
1:07:12
totally in my own self worth. I'm still working on it.
1:07:17
It's a work. In process, yeah.
1:07:20
I'm not saying I'm not saying I'm there.
1:07:24
I think when you're there you probably might get a pink slip
1:07:27
that says you can leave now. Yeah, honestly, because it's a
1:07:30
journey. I think you're right about that.
1:07:33
I think it's accepting that instead of seeing, you know, I'm
1:07:38
going to go do this, I'm going to apply these principles and I
1:07:41
will arrive and it's like, no, you'll learn, you'll grow,
1:07:44
you'll unwrap some things, you'll heal some things, you'll
1:07:48
embody some things. And then something else will
1:07:50
happen to bring something else up that will allow you to learn
1:07:54
and grow and unlearn again. I mean, so, yeah, I agree with
1:07:57
you on that. And that and the whole thing I
1:08:00
was describing that happened 2 weeks ago, it brought right back
1:08:04
into my face the emotion I felt in the family situation that was
1:08:10
so impactful in my life. Yeah, it's a pop quiz.
1:08:15
It is. Yeah.
1:08:16
You know, and I had to really ask myself, do you now see it as
1:08:20
a movie on the big screen? You know, how are you going to
1:08:25
put this into perspective so that it serves rather than
1:08:28
diminishes? Yeah.
1:08:30
Yeah, that whole framing and how we're able to process and walk
1:08:34
through that and make sure that we're tapping into the the
1:08:39
resources that are going to encourage us and nourish us to
1:08:43
move forward rather than taking us backwards.
1:08:46
It's such a, that's a huge part of it.
1:08:48
You have to be able to do that. And the older you get, the more
1:08:52
you realize it's not endless. Yeah.
1:08:55
So. So do I, I want to suck all the
1:08:58
honey out of it. Yeah, all the good that I can.
1:09:02
Absolutely. I don't want to spend any more
1:09:05
time experiencing emotions because that's what life is.
1:09:09
It's all about experiencing emotions and, and I want to do
1:09:13
my best to, to create the emotions that help you live the
1:09:19
fullest. Yeah.
1:09:20
I love that. Oh, so good.
1:09:22
All right, Let people know where they can find you and follow
1:09:26
you. This will also be on our
1:09:28
resources page at embracinglayers.com.
1:09:31
So it's all going to be their listeners, don't you worry.
1:09:34
But take a few minutes right now to share with our listeners.
1:09:37
Thank you for asking, I appreciate it.
1:09:39
So I invite you to go to heroinesbook.com.
1:09:43
That's Heroines book.com. And on that site you'll find a
1:09:49
free plus shipping copy of my book.
1:09:52
I invite you to read it. Please do.
1:09:55
It will transform your life. I promise you it will create a
1:09:59
whole new life for you, particularly if you're down
1:10:02
where we were talking about. It's my gift to you from
1:10:07
heroinesbook.com. I invite you to come to my
1:10:10
podcast which is The Heroines Journey with Joan Perry.
1:10:13
You can find it on all streaming devices.
1:10:16
Come listen. Our discussions are as in depth
1:10:20
and magical as this ones been with Melissa, which I so
1:10:23
appreciate. And if you start with those two
1:10:26
pieces, you come into our community where you will be well
1:10:30
loved. The heroinesbook.com and the
1:10:34
Heroines Journey podcast with Joan Perry.
1:10:37
OK, great. And, and we will also, we'll
1:10:40
have all those resources there. And then anything else that
1:10:43
you're engaged in, You're doing some webinars right now.
1:10:46
We're going to have links to all that information.
1:10:48
So many ways that you support women.
1:10:50
Thank you so much for who you are in the world.
1:10:53
Thank you so much for how you show up, the power and the
1:10:56
passion. It's palpable.
1:10:58
And it's just another example, women, of what we're capable of
1:11:02
when we believe in us, when we tap into us, when we trust us
1:11:08
that we can do amazing things and we can live our healthiest,
1:11:12
most authentic lives. And there's all sorts of
1:11:15
resources and women like Joan and I hear we want to support
1:11:19
you in that. We want you to have that
1:11:22
heroines journey. We want you to tap into and feel
1:11:25
and experience all that you are. Absolutely.
1:11:30
So good. All right, ladies, thanks so
1:11:32
much for being with us this week.
1:11:34
Take good care of yourselves, treat yourselves well.
1:11:37
Really dig into that value piece and know how valuable you are.
1:11:42
Trust that. And if you need help with that,
1:11:44
you know where we are. Tap into that.
1:11:46
We're here to help you and support you and have a great
1:11:49
week. Hello, and thank you so much for
1:11:54
being with us today on this episode of the Feel Podcast.
1:11:58
If you would like more information on how you can apply
1:12:02
these talking points that I share with our guests in each
1:12:06
episode to your own life, really utilize this Feel framework.
1:12:11
Go to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form and let's
1:12:16
set up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how
1:12:21
you can start being your most authentic, organic, healthy feel
1:12:26
fueled life. Thanks again for being with us
1:12:29
today. We'll be back to you soon with
1:12:31
another episode here on the Feel Podcast.