Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / Army of One vs It Could Happen To You

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Army of One vs It Could Happen To You · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:00
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
0:13
Now you're ready to win an arm wrestling contest.
0:14
Of course. Just go over the top.
0:17
Maybe perfect.
0:19
Do you guys have any strong feelings on which movie we should discuss first?
0:23
It could it could have happened to you, is that what it is?
0:25
It could happen right now. It could happen to you.
0:27
Well, it can't happen right now.
0:28
Something else has to happen first. That's true. Well,
0:31
welcome back.
0:33
Welcome back to Cage Match, around about meeting Nicholas Cage.
0:36
You do have to do that again.
0:40
But that was the perfect segue.
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It wasn't. It was just the introduction.
0:46
Welcome back to Cage Match, around about meeting Nicholas Cage.
0:50
I'm your host, Sean, here with my co-host Nick.
0:53
I'm Nick and our producer Peter. Hello.
0:55
And this week we have a special guest.
0:58
I'm Brandon White. Good to see you guys.
0:59
Welcome. So this podcast,
1:03
we are taking 64 of Nick Cage's best movies.
1:06
Heavy air quotes.
1:08
They heard the inflection
1:11
and whittling it down to whatever we think his best film is,
1:14
as decided by Nick and myself.
1:16
No one else, including our guests.
1:19
Hard parameters right there.
1:21
There's no rubric. There's no nothing.
1:23
It's just what we like.
1:24
It's changed basically every episode.
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It varies wildly.
1:26
I know the performances of Nick Cage.
1:30
Yeah. And the first episode that we really kind of bent the rules
1:32
was the first time Army of One came around.
1:34
So the second episode.
1:35
I don't think that was really even bending the rules.
1:37
I think it was just
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adapting them to fit what we wanted.
1:41
We were exploring what you wanted. Exploring the space.
1:43
Yeah, it was an intelligent exploration of rules.
1:46
It beat adaptation adaptation, which was wrong, which is no.
1:52
Adaptation is a great movie, but it just wasn't, you know, a contender.
1:55
Couldn't go the distance.
1:56
No. It's like get into that.
1:59
Kissing your hand to that.
2:01
It's like kissing your what?
2:02
There was a palpable tension in the room that you all couldn't feel.
2:05
Just wait till we get back to the not primal episode.
2:08
No, yeah, no, no. Primal will come back.
2:11
We're going to do a loser's bracket, bring Primal back now.
2:14
Primal against Primal.
2:15
And now it wins every time.
2:17
Every time it advances.
2:18
We should do adaptation versus Primal.
2:21
Oh, man. It'd be sad when adaptation still lost.
2:24
So Brandon, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself
2:28
real quick since we got you in the chair?
2:30
No, Nick, for a long time, we went to school together.
2:32
He moved up here.
2:34
I'm a standup comic in the Seattle area.
2:36
I'm kick ass.
2:37
That's really about it.
2:40
Maybe watch two of the strangest movies I've seen in a long time
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with these two movies.
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So that's been an interesting experience.
2:48
Very cheap, very cheap movies to rent to, by the way.
2:51
I just want you to know out of the gamut of movies
2:53
that I could have rented off of any platform, these ones were very cheap.
2:56
So I appreciate that.
2:57
I wouldn't know that I personally.
2:59
You personally own these movies.
3:02
I do.
3:04
These are proudly displayed on my wall.
3:06
All right. We have we are different people.
3:08
That's for sure.
3:10
Nick knows how to do a go with a bit.
3:11
No, I'm just committed to a lifestyle.
3:14
A cage lifestyle, a Nicholas Cage lifestyle.
3:17
Yeah, it's the I've got a girlfriend and please don't ever let her leave me
3:21
because this is all I've got lifestyle.
3:22
Fair enough. Fair enough.
3:24
Is her and Nicholas Cage.
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Some people clamor for that.
3:27
And you're lucky you've got it.
3:30
So, Brandon, do you have a relationship to make cage movies at all?
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Or is this just because of Nick?
3:35
This is just because of Nick. Good.
3:38
Has your opinion on the man changed at all?
3:41
Not not so much.
3:43
There's an episode of Community.
3:44
I don't know if you guys know this, the where they discuss Nicholas Cage,
3:47
good or bad, and I kind of agree with the conclusion of that,
3:51
that he's a good, bad, bad, good.
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And I think these are two examples of both of that.
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Good, bad and a bad good.
3:59
I don't think you're wrong there.
4:00
You're not the first people to do a podcast about Nicholas Cage, I'm sure.
4:03
We're not. We're actually not even the first cage match.
4:07
Fair enough.
4:08
But we've produced more work than them at this point.
4:10
That's true. We're better than they are.
4:12
Come at us, Kate. Of course.
4:14
I feel like you're come on our show.
4:15
Justify your existence.
4:17
Cage for us.
4:18
Didn't you get it?
4:19
I don't think we need to start encouraging people to start coming on our things.
4:25
I'm glad Vegas hasn't changed you, Nick.
4:27
No, it's emboldened you.
4:29
You're sticky or somehow.
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I don't know.
4:32
So come, come.
4:34
I got the juice.
4:36
I do want to tell one quick anecdote about our Vegas trip.
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On the last night, we got most of everyone together
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to try and watch one of these movies in a hotel room,
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and we couldn't get it to cast to the TV.
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So I just suggested Nick and I like cuddle in the bed and watch on a tablet.
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And no one else was having that.
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Which did you watch while you were cuddling?
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We started Army of One and then we got about as far as the like production
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splash screen.
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John was like, no, you're not doing this.
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And we watched Renfield instead, which I want to win this week.
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Good choice. Good movie.
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I liked it. All right. Renfield goes forward.
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Next episode.
5:13
Thanks for being here.
5:14
Of course, my pleasure.
5:15
This has been quick. I'll get out of here.
5:18
I'll beat the traffic.
5:19
We value your time.
5:21
All right. 1994 is it could happen to you.
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Heavily 1994.
5:25
I'll tell you that.
5:27
Nicolas Cage is a New York City police officer
5:30
who is married to Rosie Perez for some damn reason.
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And he essentially runs into another woman who is
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Bridget Fonda, who is super hot in this movie.
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Didn't think I was going to think she was that hot, but she.
5:45
Oh, no, she had it.
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And she's working at a cafe or something.
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And he can't pay her.
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So he says, if I win the lottery, I'll come back tomorrow.
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We can split this ticket.
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And if I win, I'll give you a tip if not.
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And then she hilarity ensues from there, I suppose.
5:59
Hilarity is a strong word.
6:02
A good tie in. This is the week of true stories.
6:04
Both of these movies are based on true stories,
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based off of true stories.
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So we've got that inspired by true stories, I think is a well.
6:12
Right. Faulkner's is all true.
6:13
Yeah, 100 percent.
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I only say that because so I thought about this while Peter was watching
6:19
the movie on the airplane at one and a half speed, which
6:23
that must have been rough to listen to Rosie Perez.
6:25
Rosie Perez at one and a half speed was not pleasant.
6:29
No, that's a lot.
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I still feel like she's naturally at one and a half speed.
6:34
I told you it was my dead father and he had fours in his eyes.
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Why would it be a four?
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Shut the fuck up.
6:40
I still can't stand those little baby teeth.
6:43
She's teeth are like little bits of corn.
6:45
Yeah, corn stuck in her gums.
6:47
Your teeth. I don't like it.
6:49
So this movie is based on a true story.
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And Isaac Hayes tells us that this is basically a real story.
6:55
The cop and his wife in real life still like never got divorced.
6:58
None of that. So just how rough would it be to like
7:01
you sell the rights to this story?
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They make the movie and they just turn you into a terrible shrew.
7:06
They turn you into Rosie Perez.
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Well, they did it.
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So apparently the 64, whatever million dollars they won in 96
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did not go as far as they thought it was going to.
7:17
Yeah, it got them.
7:18
Got them a couple more weeks down the road.
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And, you know, I would sell my story at any time to have Nicholas Cage play it
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kind of like Gary Faulkner.
7:27
What about Rosie Perez play it?
7:29
I mean, it's a take.
7:31
Rosie Perez in.
7:32
Well, yeah, in my story, it would be great.
7:36
Uh, no, there'd probably be some kind of like appropriations call like,
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oh, she's taking our culture and stuff.
7:45
The Internet's wild, man.
7:46
I know I live there.
7:49
I've been there once or twice.
7:50
Yeah, I know. Scary place.
7:52
It's where they keep the porn, right?
7:53
I used to just go down by the train tracks.
7:55
Yeah.
7:56
Every once in a while, I still find like skin rag out in the wild.
8:00
We found a page.
8:01
Like the term skin rag. Yeah.
8:03
Yeah. We're talking about the 90s.
8:05
That's a face off reference, right?
8:07
Yes. OK.
8:10
Now, we found a page blowing down the street up in Capitol Hill
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the other day when we were at work and put it on my co-workers windshield.
8:17
It was pretty good.
8:18
It had like thought bubbles and stuff imprinted on the the pages.
8:23
So you could tell what the lady was thinking.
8:25
It was mostly about butt stuff.
8:26
That's pretty progressive.
8:28
I don't think if you read the thought bubble, you'd find it progressive.
8:31
It's incredibly sexy and gross.
8:36
OK, so this movie, I mean, sucks, but you can cut that out.
8:42
The plot is terrible.
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I mean, just there's there's nothing that that causes one thing to happen.
8:49
Can't go from one spot to another.
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They just like this is the part of the plot we need to get to.
8:54
Now we're at this part of the plot.
8:56
Now we're at this part of the plot.
8:57
Now there's no explanation. Right.
8:59
And like now we're playing baseball with kids.
9:01
Yeah. Nothing really drives the story except for just like,
9:05
oh, let's show how good they are and how shitty Rosie Perez. Right.
9:08
The one the fact that he can just find her places to where he's just like,
9:12
oh, I got kicked out and I'm going to go to the plaza
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and she happens to be at the plaza and then he gets kicked out again.
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And he's like, I'm just walking in this spot in New York.
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And she happens to be there in the largest city in the entire world.
9:24
Made no sense. It's super convenient. Yeah.
9:27
I will say that I was in New York recently and I ran into my across the street
9:30
neighbors just arbitrarily walking around in the city.
9:34
Was it like a super touristy place, though? No.
9:37
Oh, fair enough. Yeah, it was pretty weird.
9:39
Got me on that one.
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But I think my daughter has to shit.
9:44
Geez. That's why I don't want kids.
9:48
Oh, yeah, I like that. This was unapologetically 90s.
9:51
They have a scene that's like roller skating.
9:53
Rollerblading. Yeah. Yeah. Very true.
9:56
Let's talk about the kid's hair in this because it's kind of there.
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God, I'm trying to remember this.
10:01
This is still kind of like pushy, backy, thinning, right?
10:04
Yeah. OK. It's very wispy.
10:07
This is back when he just looked like a kind of normal, handsome dude.
10:10
Yeah. He still had like the weird teeth.
10:13
Yeah. He hadn't jumped into like veneers and plugs and stuff.
10:17
He just looks like a normal guy.
10:19
Pretty work. No work done on him. Yeah.
10:21
Yeah. I do have to say I like Nicolas Cage fully worked out.
10:26
That's the only time you're going to see like really weird Nicolas Cage to.
10:29
Right. Like a final product.
10:31
Yeah. Leather jackets and giant bejeweled glasses and karate chops
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and like probably a studded belt.
10:39
Those are my Nicolas Cage's.
10:42
Did she shit false alarm?
10:43
No, no, shouldn't.
10:44
Oh, no, she's just wandering around in her room.
10:48
What a jerk.
10:50
You got to put like some cowtrops down whenever before she's got a shit.
10:53
Usually. Or kind of.
10:55
OK, fair enough.
10:56
Just like just walking it out, that's trying to find a spot.
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And this is a good spot.
11:00
This is like day nine of not pooping.
11:03
So we're back into that again.
11:05
OK, I mean, yeah, I know it's imminent.
11:07
You know, I read an article this weekend about Disney employees
11:13
having a special like code, like radio code for when some human guest
11:18
has shit in the queue at one of the one of the rides.
11:22
They call it a human code H because a code H was just when the horse craps
11:27
on the parade.
11:28
But apparently it's a far more common thing.
11:31
And my brother confirmed it that humans will just drop trow and take a shit
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in the middle of the queue of like the new like Star Wars.
11:38
Intentionally, we're not talking somebody shit their pants on accident.
11:41
No, no, like they didn't want to go find a bathroom.
11:44
They didn't want to ask somebody to just like get out of line, hold their spot.
11:47
There's usually a mid queue bathroom that's accessible.
11:50
But yeah, people will just like take a crap and then like just walk off.
11:54
Well, if you're just going to leave anyways, why did you just sit here
11:58
and wait? Not see that?
12:00
Oh, no, people will see it.
12:01
And that's why they leave because now they're the people with the kid
12:04
who shat in the queue.
12:05
Why not just leave then?
12:07
That was the point, right?
12:08
Yeah. So that's logic.
12:10
All of us got little taken aback by that.
12:13
That was actually really good logic.
12:14
Why would you just leave if I shat?
12:17
I mean, it makes sense to us.
12:18
But if I was in line for three hours and I shat in the middle of the line
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in line for three hours, any amount of time, people stand in those long
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fucking lines of Disney.
12:28
Like if I was in line for more than an hour and I had a shit and I should.
12:30
The only option was to shit right there.
12:32
I'd say in that line, I pooped in the parking lot, walking into Arrowhead Stadium
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to go to a chief's game one time.
12:38
I would poop in the parking lot of Arrowhead Stadium, too.
12:40
I appreciate that. Yeah.
12:42
I was going to poop my pants.
12:43
It was different reasons.
12:44
I feel I've pooped in like my parents backyard.
12:48
But we grew up in the woods and I locked myself out of the house.
12:50
So the nearest set of keys was like 20 minutes away.
12:54
If my grandma stepped on it, wiping with like big broadleaf
12:58
maple leaves and stuff, it's just whatever I can reach. Yeah.
13:03
It's a cautionary tale.
13:05
Remember your keys, children.
13:07
Don't marry Rosie Perez.
13:09
That is the biggest life lesson for this fucking movie.
13:11
If I learned anything, who is Rosie Perez married to?
13:14
How does he feel about baby corn?
13:16
He must love it. I'm assuming pretty good.
13:18
Like little bits of cream corn just stuck in her mouth
13:21
and he's just in there kissing and licking his little chick.
13:23
Let's say a lot.
13:25
I don't know. I can't get over her mouth.
13:27
I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
13:29
Yeah. So this movie doesn't really move along all that well.
13:32
It's kind of it kind of just bounces in and out.
13:34
Yeah, it's a lot of just here's the scene.
13:37
Here's the scene.
13:38
Stanley Tucci shows up. That's oh, yes.
13:40
Stanley Tucci shows up for no reason in this.
13:43
So high. I love him in this.
13:45
I so hairy and weird.
13:46
OK, what's your favorite Stanley Tucci part of this movie?
13:49
That's something we can talk about.
13:51
OK, yeah.
13:51
The scene where he's just in the room.
13:53
Yeah. Eating the macadamia.
13:54
So good for sure.
13:56
I love when he just takes the nuts from her and locks her out the door. Yeah.
14:01
I also like because I notice weird shit like this when he's in the towel,
14:05
like he squats at one point and he's wearing underwear.
14:08
I saw that too. I think I was checking.
14:10
I wanted to see some to chong.
14:11
Why? Why in the world would you?
14:13
It's just continuity that just doesn't make sense.
14:16
It broke the fourth wall for you.
14:18
How do you get in there?
14:19
Like she unlocks the door to get in there.
14:21
There's no damage.
14:22
I'm assuming it's I mean, I'm assuming it was their apartment.
14:25
Maybe. Yeah.
14:26
So he's they were access to a very true.
14:28
I did like how in his first scene when he calls her up
14:32
and he's like at the payphone, he's coming like
14:35
those wisps of that Homer Simpson haircut.
14:37
He has all 17 of his hair of a head of hair that he still has.
14:41
I love this reaction when he when she's all like,
14:45
you just want the money.
14:46
And he's like, what?
14:48
No. What money? No.
14:51
You want something else?
14:53
Well, that's just like when I saw him because I didn't see the whole cast list first.
14:57
I thought he was like a young Jim Rash.
15:00
Oh, it was like, what is he?
15:01
Oh, no, that's not Jim Rash.
15:04
Stanley Tucci never saw that connection until now.
15:07
We do get a couple of Tucci connections in our movies.
15:10
There's this and Kiss of Death.
15:12
I think those are them.
15:14
Those are they? Yeah.
15:16
They them. Those are these.
15:17
I thought this movie is fucking charming.
15:19
I think I agree with you.
15:21
The plot line is stupid as fuck and it's meandering.
15:23
But it's a romantic comedy. It's cute. Charmed. It's cute.
15:26
Yeah, I enjoy it. I had fun.
15:28
I do like that they fall for each other and that they are adorable.
15:32
Yeah, like they are very cute couple that is an endearing quality.
15:36
I also like all the product placement in it.
15:38
She says you have to have forever things.
15:40
And she's talking about like Hellman's Mayo or something like that. Oh, yeah.
15:43
Oh, no, she's a miracle.
15:45
Well, at one point they mentioned Jiffy Pop is in there.
15:48
Like there's a whole like just that 90s thing of, oh, a miracle.
15:53
Now I don't think Bridget Fonda's hot anymore. Yeah, no.
15:57
She put an appropriate amount of bacon on there.
15:59
It looked very fine, but Miracle Whip is just not right.
16:02
She did just have like a dope sandwich
16:04
like she could just whip up out of nowhere, even though she was super broke.
16:07
Well, I mean, it is like a four ingredient item.
16:10
Yeah, but maybe five if you count the.
16:12
Got docked all the pay from the cafe job.
16:14
I know that job sucks. Yeah, that guy was an asshole.
16:18
Also, who is she to think that showing up late
16:21
is not going to dock your wages? Right.
16:24
Like you're a waitress. You're hourly.
16:26
I well, I haven't met a salaried one yet, but
16:30
she apparently had sick time, though, because she mentions that to him.
16:34
She says coming up, though, she says, I have like three weeks of sick time.
16:37
Coming. But he does say, if you want to use it, get sick.
16:41
Yeah. Which I've had employers pull that on me, too, which is also dumb.
16:46
Fucking boss is secret.
16:48
Yeah. Just tell your boss you shit your pants that morning.
16:50
That's all you got to fucking do.
16:51
Tell him he ate too many raspberries and shit.
16:54
The bed will be super fat and just say you ate something funny.
16:57
That's what I do all the fucking time.
16:59
That's what I do all the time.
17:00
And they've never like, yeah, no, dude, you just stay home.
17:03
We know you're not feeling well.
17:08
Too often in my career, like, I mean, it'd work,
17:11
but I'd have to find a new job.
17:14
Like it would be ridicule.
17:15
We already play games like Farty Friday
17:18
where we're just competing with farts.
17:20
You must work with all dudes.
17:22
Uh, almost exclusively.
17:25
Friday does not sound like a female thing.
17:27
Well, yeah.
17:30
Well, we haven't found the one who wants to play yet.
17:32
But when I do, I'm sorry, Josie. Right.
17:35
This is why this is why I stopped running D&D on Fredis.
17:39
Oh, well, yeah, I do get pretty gassed up.
17:44
But back to the Peters thing.
17:45
No, this movie's cute.
17:46
It's it's a romantic comedy.
17:48
It's a Nick Cage romantic comedy of this time.
17:51
There's this family man.
17:52
They tried to make him like a leading romantic comedy guy.
17:55
And this is the better of them.
17:58
And it's got like a mystical black dude in it.
18:00
Yeah. Oh, I keep forgetting.
18:01
I always forget Isaac Hayes.
18:02
Yeah, with Angel.
18:03
He's the he's with the lobster tie, if you will.
18:06
Yeah, because, yeah, it's just like he's omniscient to the whole story.
18:10
But at the end, he's he's just talking to these people.
18:12
The whole movie.
18:13
And then at the end, he's just like, Oh, by the way, I'm a good guy.
18:16
Like, I like he like because he shows up in all these scenes
18:20
and at the end shows up as a homeless man.
18:22
Yeah. To eat some pie, to eat some like pie.
18:25
I like his mime work.
18:29
Great physical comedy.
18:30
But had like a secret camera watch that wasn't that secret.
18:34
Yeah. But he's like everywhere.
18:35
And he's narrating this movie only to like be a photographer slash.
18:40
Yeah. Journalist.
18:41
I kind of just accept his narration as if like he's telling us.
18:46
Obviously throughout this whole thing, he's telling us the story.
18:49
And his moments of narration are just like an overlay.
18:53
Yeah. And it's just everything's happening in the past to him.
18:57
Yeah. Just as it is to us, because this is 2023.
19:01
But it's just such a weird like structure.
19:04
Yeah, it is.
19:05
To make him an actual character later rather than just never explain it
19:08
and have him just be magical.
19:09
Magical Black Man is by far the better.
19:12
To their credit, though, about with one about 18 minutes left in this movie.
19:17
I was like, how are they going to make this happy at the end?
19:19
And he was the only reason that made it happy. Yeah. Yeah.
19:22
Yeah. He turned it all around for them.
19:24
Could you imagine if they just ended that movie and they were like,
19:25
Well, you're poor now, but you're in love by like that might have
19:29
won an Oscar shit. Yeah.
19:31
I'd be like, it's so real.
19:33
Any major discoveries on rewatching it?
19:36
I enjoyed it about as much as I enjoyed the first time.
19:39
It rekindled my hatred for Rosie Perez's teeth.
19:43
I can't get over it. I'm sorry.
19:44
Just hate so Rosie Perez's teeth are like my your penis to Sean thing.
19:51
Sean can't get over your penis in the moonlight.
19:54
And I can't get over Rosie Perez's teeth.
19:57
It looks good in moonlight, man.
19:58
What can I say? Unlike her teeth.
20:01
Heroin, I tell you, you're going to have to cut out five minutes to talk.
20:05
No, this is not talking teeth.
20:07
Yeah, we're back to a dental pod.
20:11
No, this movie didn't give me anything new on a rewatch.
20:15
I mean, it's it's enjoyable.
20:16
I mean, for what it is, I'm never in the mood for a romantic comedy.
20:20
It's not something I go to often, but having to watch it.
20:24
I didn't hate it.
20:25
You know, since you are familiar with the cage of it all from community,
20:30
the good, bad, bad, good concept, where would you pop this one?
20:34
For just Nick Cage himself?
20:35
Yes, I would say it's on the good, bad spectrum
20:41
just because he's pretty good in it.
20:43
Like he's not a bad actor in it.
20:45
It's just not that good of a movie for him to be in the good, good spectrum.
20:51
You know, you can't get everything with it.
20:53
But I think it falls in the good, bad.
20:55
I feel it's a real middling movie.
20:58
So good, good, bad is about all I can do for is I good enough to be good.
21:02
Just summer entertainment or it's ultimately fluff.
21:07
I would go good cage.
21:09
I enjoy him in this.
21:10
And like I said, the film is charming.
21:11
Fluff is a good word for it.
21:12
There's no fluff is a good no, no great substance.
21:15
I don't I'm not offended by the film, but it's not something I would seek out.
21:20
Did you have a favorite like stunts they pulled?
21:22
Could be Nicholas Cage could be Bridget.
21:24
Oh, I just like the whole rollerblading sequence.
21:27
Oh, yeah. Where he just rolls right into the lake for some reason.
21:31
For some reason, she can stop on the grass, but he can't.
21:34
I just don't. It's just that whole thing.
21:36
I was just like, this is just like a speed skater.
21:39
He's like, I don't know what I'm doing.
21:41
I don't know.
21:42
Naruto runs right into the lake.
21:45
I really do enjoy it.
21:46
Did enjoy like the one part of this movie where it actually becomes
21:49
kind of like a cop drama and he has to stop the robbery in the bodega.
21:53
You get shot tackling that guy through the window like,
21:56
ah, this doesn't fit into this movie at all.
21:58
It does show him being a nice cop.
22:00
And oh, his partner is in this.
22:03
What's his name? Wendell?
22:04
Wendell Pierce.
22:05
Fucking love Wendell Pierce.
22:08
I like that he stops the rubber with a can of beans or whatever.
22:11
Yeah, he just picks it off.
22:12
What brand was it?
22:15
It must have been Heinz.
22:17
Well, I feel like it would have been like Bush's or something.
22:20
Who needed it most in 1994?
22:24
Probably Bush's.
22:25
All they had were those dog commercial.
22:27
Yeah, right.
22:27
All they had was the dog had the secret recipe for a while.
22:32
I like that long dead by now.
22:33
Oh, for sure.
22:34
Nobody knows that recipe.
22:37
I liked when Rosie Perez was remodeling their place
22:41
and what it turns out to be like the gross pink walls, the painting of her.
22:45
All over the.
22:47
Her is amazing.
22:48
Yeah, it's like, God damn it.
22:50
Rosie Perez or whatever name the Muriel with the heart of gold.
22:56
Such terrible taste.
22:58
I did indulge in a bit of the one and a half time
23:01
on the plane yesterday, trying to just get this and just get through it.
23:06
But just yeah, Rosie Perez and chipmunk voices is a thing.
23:11
I couldn't do it.
23:12
I couldn't do it.
23:12
But I mean, I would probably just have trouble with watching a comedy sped up.
23:17
I feel like it would take a lot of adjustment for me to like settle into the timing.
23:21
But I guess the whole point that we mentioned earlier is it's not that much of a comedy.
23:25
It's really more just like romantic with a little bit of haha.
23:29
Yeah, it's chocolate.
23:30
That's all it gets.
23:31
It's not as depressing as the family man.
23:34
Less camel toe.
23:35
No, wait, family man was the other one.
23:36
Never mind. I was thinking weatherman.
23:38
Oh, yeah, no, the family man has Jeremy Piven also didn't have camel toe.
23:42
No, but I had Jeremy Piven, a human camel toe.
23:47
And with that, should we discuss Army of One?
23:50
Because there is a camel in that one.
23:51
There is a camel. You did it.
23:56
Nick, do you want to share this one out there for us?
23:59
Army of One is the absolutely true story of Gary Brooks Faulkner,
24:04
a guy from Colorado who gets a mission from God to go to Pakistan,
24:13
find Osama bin Laden, capture him and bring him back for justice and stuff.
24:18
So he meets up with Wendy.
24:20
What's her face from Reno 9-1-1?
24:23
They form a relationship and he keeps dipping out on her
24:27
to try to go to Pakistan.
24:29
And she's just cool with it.
24:32
That is the weirdest part about this movie.
24:34
I mean, she she gets tired of it after like the third time,
24:38
but still lets him move right back in every time. Right.
24:41
Well, she's working three jobs and has a handicapped child.
24:45
She doesn't have a lot of energy left for her fighting this
24:50
largely inoffensive thing living in her house.
24:53
Thanks. I couldn't get behind the idea of there being like
24:57
instant romance and attraction there.
24:59
Other than the fact that they set it up as like a world high school
25:02
sweetheart kind of people or whatever, at least used to be hot for each other.
25:06
I love the tramp stamp, though.
25:08
The tramp stamp. Yeah, that's you still got the tattoo.
25:13
Oh, yeah. Man.
25:17
Oh, no. As soon as I threw this movie in, I was like,
25:19
I remember exactly why I love this movie so much.
25:23
Gary Faulkner is just absurd.
25:25
Yeah, the series of him telling people
25:29
what not to buy and what not in Home Depot is just perfect.
25:33
My favorite scene is still him buying the hang lighter.
25:37
Yeah. Yeah.
25:39
So can I take this apart?
25:40
How many pieces should I come? The dude's like, don't do that.
25:43
Doesn't come apart.
25:44
What do you say?
25:47
What song should I use to pump myself up?
25:49
I know Tom Petty. Wrong answer.
25:51
Yeah, you hadn't seen this one either, right?
25:56
No, I hadn't seen either of these.
25:57
I actually when it said something about being this absurd,
26:01
it's I did the same thing with Tiger King.
26:04
I stopped it immediately and I researched what the fuck was going on,
26:08
because I thought Tiger King was like an excellent mockumentary
26:12
with really good actors. Oh, because that's how strange it was.
26:16
I was like, nobody can write this.
26:18
This movie had that same effect on me.
26:20
I five, six minutes and I was like, Gary Faulkner, what the fuck?
26:24
And I stopped it and I researched this man.
26:27
Nick Cage does a good job with the voice to that dude's voice is weird.
26:31
Yeah, it's not as far as it takes it, but he's got a voice.
26:36
So like amp it up. Right.
26:40
They do forget that in this film, Nicholas Cage playing Gary
26:43
talks about getting Nicholas Cage to play.
26:45
Oh, yeah. I have forgotten that.
26:48
That was something that I caught again on rewatches.
26:50
Like, oh, yeah, it's super meta. I loved it, though.
26:54
I got real into it, though, like once I kind of understood the style
26:57
and like this is not going to be high class film.
27:02
And I got over that.
27:03
I was like, OK, let's just have fun for an hour and a half.
27:06
And that's what it is. It's a fun movie.
27:07
Exactly. It's ridiculous.
27:09
Will Sasso's in it for some damn reason.
27:11
And Paul Sherry is his friend.
27:13
Like, it's just like you can tell that this director was like,
27:17
I have four friends in comedy who have an OK following
27:21
and they can act a little bit.
27:23
I love when they're in that bar and with the knife,
27:28
with the knife and the Marines.
27:30
He just goes, Oh, this has happened like nine times already.
27:35
Stabbed your friends straight up.
27:38
Why would anybody give Gary the knife ever?
27:41
In Gary's defense, why did Will Sasso walk in front of the dark one? Right.
27:45
That's what I'm talking about. It's not like it went wide.
27:48
I imagine he just like pops up. Yeah.
27:51
Like he was just crouching down and just like for comedic effect, jumped up.
27:56
I'm pissing guys.
27:58
Or this is a planned thing that they do to get out of like to get out of these fights.
28:03
Every time Gary gets like to wound up, he has to do the knife thing.
28:08
Oh, another thing that I didn't
28:10
didn't catch the first time it did the second is when he gets that boat.
28:13
It's called the Aries and then he just paints a G on it.
28:17
That's hilarious.
28:19
That is that.
28:20
Oh, that's fantastic.
28:23
Just yeah.
28:23
Now this we watched this for the second episode
28:27
because it was adaptation of this and I was not ready for what this was
28:31
as like the third Nick Cage movie I watched for this grand experiment.
28:35
Yeah. Upon rewatch this movie, fucking rocks.
28:39
It's incredible.
28:41
It's one of those I didn't like, like I will not admit other than here
28:44
that I was really into this movie.
28:46
But I think we have a good thing we haven't recorded.
28:48
Right. No, sure.
28:50
But it's super fun.
28:51
It's just if you want to do something mindless for an hour
28:54
and a half or two hours, however long it is, it was fun.
28:57
It's like a tight 90. Yeah. Great. Yeah.
28:59
You don't really have to pay attention.
29:01
Like the whole plot is he's going to go to Pakistan.
29:05
That's the whole plot of the movie is that he's going to figure out how to get there.
29:08
And he tries to so hard.
29:13
Oh, and the CIA in.
29:17
Oh, God. Pakistan is.
29:19
Yeah, I was going to say it's somebody weird to his rain.
29:21
Wilson, what a strange to be like, hey, you're playing a CIA agent.
29:26
A CIA agent who's obsessed with going undercover.
29:29
Right. As long as to be a Dutch James Bond. Yeah.
29:34
And how strongly they believe that like
29:37
Gary Faulkner is just some deep cover person and they can flip him.
29:42
They can get him onto their side.
29:44
It's just so weird.
29:45
I'm on a mission from God. Is that is that your handler?
29:48
Yeah, that's your handler's name.
29:50
That whole sequence where they're questioning him is pretty good.
29:53
It's like pretty back and forth. Pretty quick, too.
29:55
I liked it a lot.
29:56
I think most of the dialogue in this connects really well
30:00
between everybody on like in the scenes.
30:03
Yeah. Nick Cage carries this film.
30:05
Definitely. Oh, 100 percent.
30:07
And he carries it very well.
30:09
He he's just I don't know.
30:11
He is a whole nother person like I.
30:14
It's not a character that I see him reproduce now,
30:17
although if they ever did it again and had army of two, him and the daughter.
30:22
Yeah, Lizzie. I'd be all for it.
30:24
Call it a real justice.
30:27
In a word, I just want some kind of like monster truck wheelchair.
30:31
She still doesn't talk.
30:35
He straps her to the hang glider and radio.
30:38
Oh, my God.
30:39
It's one little detail to just we need to have a radio.
30:42
And then when he gets it, there's a radio on there.
30:44
And just like the dumbest little things that this movie did from
30:47
like from the opening of him, actually just showing him
30:50
hang gliding with the sword, the boombox, cutting to him in dialysis,
30:54
talking about how America has the best
30:57
how much chicken chicken wings.
31:00
And it just doesn't stop.
31:02
I said this last time, and I still like how this movie knows exactly what it's over.
31:06
Yeah. They're like, all right.
31:08
You wanted to see it.
31:09
Here's him in Osama sword fighting in a cave.
31:11
Poorly. You got it.
31:14
Five minutes later, we're going to wrap this movie up.
31:16
You're going to go home.
31:17
And you're going to be done and out of here. Right.
31:19
That one. That sword fight still awesome.
31:22
Like getting the sword stuck in the ceiling.
31:24
It's hilarious when they go like sword to sword and it vibrates.
31:28
It's my fingers.
31:29
My fingers tingle.
31:32
You're hallucinating because you haven't had dialysis for 13 days.
31:36
This is so good.
31:37
It's just a fun little movie.
31:39
I like that he called himself the Donkey King.
31:42
Was that ever explained in the movie?
31:44
He just. Well, it's a weird animal, but like his dad used to call him a jackass.
31:48
Oh, OK. OK.
31:49
That's why they get donkey.
31:50
But just randomly at one point, that's the first note I took.
31:54
I'm Gary Faulkner, the donkey king.
31:56
And I was like, what?
31:57
Why did he say the Donkey King?
31:59
I have no idea what's going on with this.
32:02
I love nicknames throughout this movie.
32:06
There's so many nicknames like Gary's, like
32:09
Big G or G Man, the Donkey King.
32:12
He calls himself G for a while. Yeah.
32:15
Osama bin Laden is OBL.
32:18
He's the bearded one. He's Benny Boy.
32:21
It's just so fun.
32:23
Like they had a lot of fun with the writing.
32:25
Yeah, very much so.
32:27
Just figuring out how to call everybody out.
32:29
I do like how when he finally like wakes up in the cave
32:32
and he's hallucinating the fight with the bin Laden and he asked bin Laden about
32:36
like, this doesn't look like anything like your episode of Cribs.
32:41
And his own fantasy version of bin Laden doesn't know what he's talking about.
32:45
Yeah, so much fun.
32:47
I think the only thing that sucks about this movie at this point is Russell Brand.
32:49
But yeah, he didn't age well.
32:52
No. Yeah, fair enough.
32:53
Yeah. When you know what was going on at that time and then you watch this movie
32:56
and you're like, oh, this guy is a creep. All right. Whatever.
32:59
Yeah. His performance I was totally cool with. But
33:03
everything else nowadays, his personality, not so much.
33:06
The physical comedy in this movie is astounding.
33:11
It's not over the top, but it's just enough where like he's running
33:14
after somebody at one point when he's already in Pakistan
33:17
and he falls on like the scaffolding.
33:19
He gets somebody goes, why is the scaffolding there?
33:22
When he's chasing the shooter? Yes. Oh, yeah.
33:25
Oh, no, I love that because he like jumps down and it falls.
33:28
And then he reprimands them for not using American wood.
33:33
I will say the prolonged like scenes in Pakistan
33:36
where he's just running around or like on a shit ton of hash.
33:40
All those scenes where there's no like dialogue or story,
33:42
it's just kind of just a lot of visual stuff because I was on a plane
33:45
and I had to watch two movies in 24 hours.
33:48
I'm like, all right, one and a half speed for this.
33:50
So those chase sequences fucking put that shit to Benny Hill music.
33:54
It's amazing. Yeah, for sure.
33:56
When he drives the scooter through that market and he's just hitting everything
34:00
like he couldn't possibly do that without being intentional,
34:04
but just running into everybody, old ladies flying off the handlebars and shit. Yeah.
34:11
So, OK, wait, I felt like I remembered him cutting somebody's arm off or something,
34:16
but I didn't see it. No, that didn't.
34:18
OK, he did not cut anybody's arm. That was Renfield.
34:20
That was Renfield.
34:21
Oh, no.
34:23
I felt like there was some kind of violence that we just said, why didn't.
34:27
That was jujitsu.
34:29
I don't know.
34:31
We've been doing this for 17 months.
34:33
Yeah, maybe that was Bangkok dangerous.
34:34
I can't remember. Did he have a sword?
34:36
I don't know.
34:37
The only crime committed in that was against cinema.
34:42
What about prisoners of the ghost land?
34:43
Maybe he had a sword on that one.
34:45
And you did have one of his balls blown off.
34:47
He had a sword hand.
34:48
Oh, yeah. For the record, I haven't known any movie you guys have named
34:51
since we started recording this.
34:53
We haven't literally known any of these.
34:56
These are. Yeah, sure.
34:57
This is like the deepest cuts to like those are some real fucking dogs.
35:02
It's no dog eat dog.
35:04
What is there?
35:06
OK, so first time watching this, did you watch this with your family?
35:10
No, I watched it.
35:11
So probably was.
35:13
Shamefully under in a dark room.
35:16
Yeah, it was pretty dark.
35:18
But yeah, it was an interesting little little bromp.
35:22
It was just like I said, once I got over
35:25
like the weird style, like knowing that this was not going to be
35:28
highfalutin bullshit, this was definitely going to be a good thing.
35:32
I'm stoned for a kind of movie.
35:35
I had a great time watching it.
35:36
It was very fun.
35:37
Decent soundtrack to like the soundtrack is pretty good.
35:40
Can't name specific songs from it, but it's decent.
35:43
Nothing ever felt like out of place.
35:45
It's not like I mean, like they could have put Free Bird in this
35:48
and it would have been brought to. Right.
35:50
So I like that he whenever he gets hurt for something, he comes back
35:54
and it actually shows that he's hurt.
35:55
Like at one point he's got an arm cast and another point
35:58
he's got a cast on his arm and his leg.
36:00
And he's like, let's go out tonight.
36:01
We saw how we got the arm and leg cast because that's what he did.
36:05
He glided. Yeah.
36:06
When he was hanged at one point, he just well, he's on a boat.
36:08
He just has the arm.
36:09
That's what I thought.
36:10
He was just on the boat with the cast for no reason.
36:13
The he explains it to the lady cop.
36:15
The the the security.
36:17
I shouldn't have prefaced that with Lady, right?
36:19
It's fine to just call it a cop.
36:21
Yeah, he could probably ask if he knows how to sail.
36:25
Cop boat cops asked if he knows how to sail.
36:27
He's like, of course it's not.
36:28
I broke my arm trying to like lift the sail, like hoist to the sail.
36:32
He was trying to boat.
36:34
Now, if she's a boat cop, she was out of her jurisdiction
36:37
because she was on land.
36:39
So I wouldn't have listened to her either.
36:41
I was water adjacent structures.
36:43
But what do docs count as docs aren't land?
36:48
Come at me, Doc.
36:48
Cop. Get in that water and give me a citation.
36:52
Yeah, sounds like another Nicolas Cage movie.
36:54
And then he feels like that would be a vehicle that he would pick up.
36:58
OK. General thoughts.
37:00
Obviously, I love this movie.
37:03
Everybody here loves this movie.
37:05
You'd be a fool not to.
37:06
And that's why it beat adaptation.
37:09
100 percent. It's still the wrong call.
37:11
Adaptations should still be here, but I thoroughly enjoyed this film
37:14
so much more the second time.
37:16
I'm mad that I liked it as much as I did this time.
37:18
Yeah, but I did.
37:20
It's never going to get old.
37:21
I love to hate that. I know. I'll watch it again.
37:24
You say that.
37:25
We're sure going to watch that again. Yeah.
37:27
You see, it's not going to get old.
37:30
You know, we're going to watch it at least one more time.
37:34
I yeah, probably.
37:35
So the back to the Venn diagram.
37:38
Good cage, bad movie, bad movie, good cage, good bad, bad, good.
37:41
This is definitely bad. Good.
37:43
Oh, you think bad performance?
37:44
No, no, no. I don't think it's a bad performance.
37:46
I think it's just overall the the budgetary
37:51
amount that they had for this movie.
37:53
They could not make the movie that they wanted.
37:55
So it's technically a bad movie that is done really, really well.
37:59
No. OK. I think it's definitely a we generally go like grading the performance.
38:04
Oh, I got a performance. He's stop notch. Yeah.
38:07
He's he's such a good character in this whole movie.
38:10
You don't dislike him even though you should dislike him.
38:14
He gives you a thousand reasons to dislike him.
38:17
And you're still like, yeah, he deserves everything.
38:19
He's getting here.
38:20
Where does he get all the money to is my question, if he's like
38:23
supposed to be on some kind of a fixed income, he's like, yeah, no,
38:28
I'm just out here buying hang gliders and shit like that.
38:30
That can't be cheap to Pakistan. Right.
38:33
I imagine there's a little more downtime between his
38:36
a jaunts to the right.
38:39
But it jumps around time wise a lot at the beginning.
38:42
He's sleeping on a construction site, then wakes up Pickles one night
38:46
and Pickles says he's been there for months. Right.
38:48
So it jumps around.
38:50
I like that we get to see him in his underwear again.
38:51
That's a real classic Nick Cage look in these movies.
38:54
Yeah. The tighty whitey T-shirt and tighty whitey's.
38:57
Yeah. Really showing off that dindji, dindji, tighty whitey's. Yeah.
39:01
Oh, I got to get me one of those American flag
39:04
sleeping bags, though, because that was tight.
39:08
Great, great performance by Nicolas Cage and that he really disappears
39:12
into this role and just keeps it up the whole time.
39:17
Yeah, it never flags.
39:18
Isn't it still like the big method actor crazy?
39:22
Because I have to imagine this would have been painful to film.
39:25
That was the game.
39:28
Fucking hilarious. Yeah.
39:31
Just doing that voice for however long he had to do that voice
39:34
for and just the cadence with which he speaks is so different
39:38
than anything else I've ever seen him in as well.
39:40
Just the that rambling.
39:41
Ha ha ha ha.
39:43
And then we're going to do this thing.
39:44
Oh, I don't know.
39:46
Just goes and goes.
39:47
He's a great performer in this. Yeah. Yeah.
39:50
I agree. It's great performance.
39:52
I'm going to say great movie, too.
39:54
I say fine movie that is really sold on this performance.
40:01
I like that they spend 10 minutes talking about this ramp
40:03
that he's going to rebuild and then they never show the ramp.
40:06
It takes him all movie to get the ramp done.
40:09
It's like she finally is ready to throw him out
40:13
and just comes home and he's putting the last screw in.
40:15
And it's like, which now that we're talking about the time jumps,
40:17
it's like this is a three year ramp or whatever.
40:20
Like, that's a fucking disaster.
40:21
Yeah. I mean, we go from W and end with Obama.
40:25
So there's a fair amount of time spent in this.
40:29
Yeah, that ramp.
40:32
The original ramp was terrible.
40:34
Yeah. Admittedly bad. Yeah.
40:36
And she she is in a power chair.
40:38
So it's not the worst for her to be dealing with.
40:41
It had fucking holes in it.
40:45
It was like plywood, like two by two plywood squares just screwed down.
40:51
It was rough.
40:51
Like she had trouble walking up it and she's fully mobile.
40:57
I just liked it, man.
40:58
I just had I didn't expect to like it five minutes in.
41:01
And then I was like, fuck it, let's just go with it.
41:03
And I just had a good night. Watch it all day.
41:05
I skipped work for another reason, but I watched this during the day,
41:09
which lets you know, I got stoned at two p.m. So
41:13
respect. I respect that.
41:15
Now, going back to this one, I didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I did,
41:19
because I again, it went up against adaptation.
41:22
It was our second week.
41:23
I wasn't ready for it.
41:24
And just as soon as the hang glider and music kicked in, I'm like,
41:27
this is going to be fun. And it was.
41:30
It was a perfect movie to watch on an airplane.
41:32
I will say that, too.
41:33
Oh, I'll give you that time. Time passes real quick.
41:35
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
41:36
You guys make better airplane movie choices than I do.
41:39
Neither of these movies had any boobs in them boobs.
41:42
I just look like a creep watching booby movies on an aisle seat.
41:47
It looked like a creep before the movie.
41:49
I mean, you look like someone who would watch booby movies on an airplane
41:53
or in a Wal-Mart.
41:55
It's like, I got to see how it looks on this TV.
41:57
Let me just plug this in real quick.
41:59
Hey, man, you want to sell this TV or not?
42:02
They don't.
42:03
They don't care to Walmart.
42:06
It's not the worst thing you'll see all day at a Wal-Mart.
42:08
Hmm. No.
42:09
People will poop on a floor at a Wal-Mart.
42:11
Yeah. Probably on purpose.
42:13
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
42:15
It's just a statement.
42:16
They all work there.
42:19
Well, the important question, then, in this concept,
42:22
one of these movies has to advance.
42:24
So your vote doesn't matter, Brandon.
42:25
But what would you have advanced between the two?
42:27
It's 100 percent army of one.
42:29
100 percent.
42:30
There's may have I can give it 200 percent.
42:32
I will. John, it could happen to you.
42:34
That's not true.
42:36
I saw lies.
42:38
Is it true? Lies and poppycock.
42:39
No, it's army of one.
42:40
Of course, it is.
42:42
Army of one all the way.
42:43
This movie is going to win.
42:46
It probably is.
42:47
Is calling my shot.
42:50
I see no other reason to hang out tonight.
42:52
It's army of one army.
42:54
You guys want to watch army of one.
42:55
Let's do it. I can do it.
42:57
Pop it on. It's only 90 minutes.
42:58
Yeah. Nick and I didn't get to watch this one together.
43:01
No, we tried.
43:02
No, come on for the army of one.
43:04
Well, thanks, Brandon.
43:05
My pleasure, man. Thanks for having me, guys.
43:07
You got anything you want to pitch?
43:08
You want to sell us on?
43:09
No. If you're ever looking for a comedy, just look at me up at
43:13
at B white BWH ITE comedy on Instagram.
43:16
I got all my stuff up there. Cool.
43:17
Well, thanks for coming in.
43:19
It was a real, real blast.
43:21
Real pleasure. Thanks for introducing me to two movies.
43:23
I probably never would have watched on my own.
43:25
And when you will again, one, I'm definitely watching.
43:27
We we have a list of we had 62 other in a cage.
43:30
We just send it to me.
43:32
Yeah. Yeah.
43:33
We'll get it. All right, everybody.
43:35
Thank you all for listening.
43:36
Please rate, review, subscribe.
43:37
If you want to chat with us, we're on Instagram at Cage
43:40
underscore match underscore pod and Reddit at Cage match pod.
43:44
If you want to give us money, which is great.
43:46
We are on Patreon at Cage match.
43:48
And thank you to our sparkle buddies, Josh, Sean, Josie, Rico,
43:51
Matt and Adam and cage dancers, Ira, John Freeman and Lance.
43:55
Bye, man.
43:57
That was so somber.
43:59
Bye bye.
44:00
Gary voice.
44:01
Man.
44:05
Well, I can't do that.
44:05
Gary voice. Nick, give us a bye bye in Gary voice.
44:08
You mean your normal voice?
44:09
Yeah, my normal fucking terrible voice.
44:12
Bye bye.
44:14
I don't got it today.
44:15
I feel like that kind of works.
44:16
Yeah.
44:17
I think I still have a picture of it saved on my phone.
44:20
I'll pull it up later.
44:21
We'll put it on the Patreon.
44:22
Yeah. Patreon only pornography.
44:26
So we'll look forward to. That's good.
44:28
Yeah. Thanks, Sparkle buddies.
44:34
Baby moving.
44:36
You talking about a BM?
44:37
Yeah.
44:38
I think I'm talking about a BM.
44:40
I think I'm talking about a BM.
44:42
I think I'm talking about a BM.
44:44
You talking about a BM?
44:47
Yeah.
44:48
Poop joke.
44:51
I am in the right place. OK.
44:53
Oh, yeah. You're safe here.
44:55
We're all idiots in this basement.
44:57
It's fine. Fair enough.
45:00
Yeah, Sean, you seem fine. Nick, can you give me something?
45:03
Penises.
45:04
Penises. Talk more like we're regularly talking.
45:07
OK. Intimately talking about penises.
45:10
Penises. Much better. Yeah.