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When the Problem is the Other Person · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 2, 2026 When the Problem is the Other Person,
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  So what can you do when a relationship's struggle is mostly or entirely on the other person?
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  Yesterday I mentioned 1 Corinthians 13, 4-7. Let's look at that passage.
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  Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast.
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  It is not arrogant or rude. It does not assist on its own way.
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  It is not irritable or resentful.
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  It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
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  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
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  and endures all things. That's out of the ESV.
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  Before we dig in, let's have the safe and sane conversation.
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  God does not call us to be abused or to put up with evil.
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  If that's what's going on, the rest of this post does not apply to you.
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  You need to get help, and if you're not safe, you need to get out.
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  Moving on to Corinthians. Not all the passage applies to our current discussion.
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  Let's look at the parts that do.
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  Patient. In our busy world, patience is all too rare, but it's a vital tool
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  when dealing with relationship problems.
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  It can take time for the other person to get to the point they can do what they should.
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  It's no fun living with attention until they get there, but the alternative is making things worse.
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  Emotional maturity means being able to sit in the difficulty and wait for the other person.
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  Kind. Among other things, being kind means respecting others' feelings.
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  It also means being gentle with people. Both of these will help take the heat
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  out of a difficult situation.
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  Kindness will urge you to think about how the other person feels and consider
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  that whatever happened hit them particularly hard for some reason.
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  Not arrogant or rude. These things are sure to make a difficult situation worse.
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  It's human nature to be rude to those who have been rude to us,
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  but we have to fight that urge.
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  Not irritable or resentful. These are also natural reactions to conflict and
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  probably more difficult to hold back.
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  Just because you feel these doesn't mean that you have to act on them.
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  I've had people tell me they feel dishonest when they don't act on negative
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  feelings like this. Being hurtful just because it's what you feel is not okay with God.
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  We are called to act better than our worst thoughts and urges would have us act.
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  We can feel resentful and choose not to act on it. That is not dishonesty,
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  it's love, and it's a mature thing to do.
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  Bears all things. Sometimes this means letting something go.
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  It means dealing with not getting an apology you deserve.
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  It means not keeping score.
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  It means being willing to end up with the short end of the stick.
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  What matters here is context, intent, and frequency.
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  If the other person is in the midst of a rough time and doesn't usually treat
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  you as they have, that's different than getting hit like this regularly.
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  How much what happened hurts us is also a valid consideration.
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  Believes, hopes, and endures all things. Can you hope for a change and resolution in time?
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  People do change, and I've seen some folks make huge changes.
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  Hope and pray for that, and ask God to help you do it. All these things can
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  help you wait for the situation to improve, or to weather something that the
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  other refuses to deal with.
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  In some relationships, there comes a time to say, no more, and walk away.
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  But don't go there too quickly, and be willing to get help before you throw in the towel.
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  This is Paul reminding you that doing marriage well looks different for every couple.