Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 278. He Says He’s Scared of Commitment… But How Long Do You Wait?

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278. He Says He’s Scared of Commitment… But How Long Do You Wait? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogie production.
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  Speaker 2: I need your advice. Are you okay?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: What happened?
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  Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in. Welcome
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  Speaker 2: to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.
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  Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome back to our Bestie Advice segment. This
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  Speaker 3: is the time of the week that we get to
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  Speaker 3: hear your anonymous submissions and things that you might be
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: going through that are sticky situations, challenges that you might
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  Speaker 3: be navigating that you don't fully feel comfortable to bring
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  Speaker 3: into your close friends, your family, or anyone who is
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  Speaker 3: important in your life. And maybe you just don't want
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  Speaker 3: to tell them yet. So that's where you can bring
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  Speaker 3: that stuff into us. So Ashley, take it away. What
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  Speaker 3: do we have for this week?
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  Speaker 1: All right? The episode name is He told me he's
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: scared of losing control and I believed him? But how
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: long do I wait? Hi, beautiful ladies. Firstly, I love
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  Speaker 1: listening to your podcast weekly. It really helps me so
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: much feel like you girls are my online besties. And
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  Speaker 1: I finally took the jump to start Accelerated with yous,
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  Speaker 1: which I can't wait for.
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  Speaker 3: Cool.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm needing advice. I've been hanging out with this
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  Speaker 1: incredible guy since November last year. We get along so well.
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  Speaker 1: Both have similar drive. He runs his own civil business
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  Speaker 1: and I work full time and renovate flip houses as well.
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  Speaker 1: We started hooking up about eighteen months ago, stop because
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  Speaker 1: we didn't want to go out and date other people.
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  Speaker 1: Then come back and now it's truly incredible, so passionate,
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  Speaker 1: so intense, and he brings out this really playful side
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  Speaker 1: of me where I always wear the classiest lingerie. Rocked
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  Speaker 1: up to his house in laundering heels and stockings. But
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  Speaker 1: a few weeks ago he opened up to me about
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  Speaker 1: his past relationship ten years ago, where he proposed to
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  Speaker 1: his ex she said no. He also caught her cheating
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  Speaker 1: and he hasn't been in a serious relationship since a
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  Speaker 1: week after this, we had the most intense night together,
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  Speaker 1: but he pulls me in, has great chats and great times,
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  Speaker 1: and then he dies back into work in business and
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  Speaker 1: goes a little quiet. I'm thirty six and I want
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  Speaker 1: so much in life. I want to become a mum.
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  Speaker 1: I want to have that great relationship. But it in
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  Speaker 1: self doubt mode now where I'm like, if I was
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  Speaker 1: that great, amazing girl, he would give me a go
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  Speaker 1: or why haven't I had that experience yet with it's
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  Speaker 1: a great guy and to become a mum. I'm sorry
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  Speaker 1: this is such a long submission, but I really have
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  Speaker 1: fallen for this guy. But why does he have to
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  Speaker 1: hold me back?
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  Speaker 2: This is tough, it's tough. I see you in this
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  Speaker 2: and I see.
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  Speaker 3: Your want for commitment, yeah, and a life to have
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  Speaker 3: children as well. So I imagine with where you're at
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  Speaker 3: right now, you're feeling a little bit of that that
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  Speaker 3: invisible timeline that we have as women, and a little
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  Speaker 3: bit of pressure to kind of figure it out and
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  Speaker 3: like have that part of your life solved. But when
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  Speaker 3: it comes to relationships, if you're finding that he's not
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  Speaker 3: investing into it in the way that you would like to.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, the first thing that I would do, in
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  Speaker 3: a way that I would give Ashley advice if this
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  Speaker 3: were her, is that if he's not investing, it's because
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  Speaker 3: you're giving things away without actually asking for commitment. And
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  Speaker 3: it's not like you have to sit there and say
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  Speaker 3: to him like, oh my gosh, I want to be
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  Speaker 3: committed and married and this and that blah blah blah.
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  Speaker 3: But like if you are kind of intimate with him
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  Speaker 3: and you're sleeping together, and he's getting all these relationship
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  Speaker 3: benefits without actually having to show up, be consistent, and
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  Speaker 3: actually be into the relationship. That's probably a conversation that
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  Speaker 3: you get to have with yourself around what you want moving.
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  Speaker 1: Forward, what you're going to allow.
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  Speaker 3: That's right, because anyone will continue to do what they
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  Speaker 3: are allowed to do.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, right.
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  Speaker 3: And so if he knows that he can come to
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  Speaker 3: you and he can have these beautiful moments of connection
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  Speaker 3: and things like that, but they're not actually commit to that,
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  Speaker 3: he might not have the expectation that he has to
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  Speaker 3: do that show.
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  Speaker 2: Up in that way.
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  Speaker 3: And I think like him bringing up the conversation and
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  Speaker 3: feeling really scared, that's totally fine. Everyone can be scared,
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  Speaker 3: But is he willing to be in and be scared,
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  Speaker 3: Because there's the difference between like being in and like
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  Speaker 3: communicating that and going, hey, like this is what my
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  Speaker 3: past is and I'm scared and all the things, but
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  Speaker 3: I'm here with you.
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  Speaker 2: I think that's a very different story too.
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  Speaker 3: I'm scared, I don't know if I want this, like
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  Speaker 3: you know, and things that are coming up for him
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  Speaker 3: and then him leaning out entirely.
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  Speaker 2: I think there's a difference between the two.
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  Speaker 1: I absolutely love that, and I would just like to ask,
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  Speaker 1: have you asked him direct, straight up communicated? Are you
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  Speaker 1: wanting a long term relationship? Are you looking for your
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  Speaker 1: forever person? Are you willing to try actually getting that
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  Speaker 1: answer from him, because he might be like, I'm actually
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  Speaker 1: too scared. I'd think I'll have a trust woman again.
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  Speaker 1: I love being around you, but I can't really promise
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  Speaker 1: you anything. I remember fer I with Steve. I've met
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  Speaker 1: a guy like that, yeah, And he was like, I
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  Speaker 1: don't think I'll ever commit properly again because I'm too hurt.
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  Speaker 1: And I was like, see, yeah, wow, because I knew, Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to find someone that, regardless of
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  Speaker 1: both of our past and history, that if we decided
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  Speaker 1: to be together, we're really going to try and give
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  Speaker 1: it out all. And everyone's got trauma, everyone's got heartbreak,
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  Speaker 1: everyone's got things that they've got to work through. But
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  Speaker 1: when you meet the right person that you want to
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  Speaker 1: be with, I don't know, it's that old saying like
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  Speaker 1: if they wanted to, they would, Yeah, if he really
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  Speaker 1: wanted to commit to you, and you've had these open
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  Speaker 1: conversations with him, like if he said yes, I'm looking
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  Speaker 1: for a long term relationship, like I love being with you,
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  Speaker 1: and he's saying all the things, but they're not committing.
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  Speaker 1: Then his behavior is not matching his words. So that's
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  Speaker 1: alarming to me. But if you haven't actually asked him,
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  Speaker 1: I think you need clarity, and.
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  Speaker 2: You know he will tell you.
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  Speaker 1: I think yes, yeah, And if he doesn't tell you,
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  Speaker 1: his behavior will And then you get to decide how
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  Speaker 1: long you're going to wait to be patient for yeah,
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  Speaker 1: And you know, it sucks that there's that invisible timeline
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  Speaker 1: that you spoke about, you know, thirty five you eggs
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  Speaker 1: start to drop and dah da da dah. And unfortunately
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  Speaker 1: there is truths that my bodies do change and it
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  Speaker 1: gets a bit harder as we get older, and someone
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  Speaker 1: will enter menopause at forty, you know, and that window
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  Speaker 1: of opportunity is gone out the window. So it's like,
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  Speaker 1: how long would you if I was at that point
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  Speaker 1: in my life and I knew I wanted to have children,
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  Speaker 1: I don't think I would have the patience to wait
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  Speaker 1: around for a year for him to decide if he's
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  Speaker 1: ready to commit. If I was your age, abs fucking Lily,
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  Speaker 1: let's give it a go, let's have some fun. I've
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: spent plenty of time up my sleeve, but at that
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  Speaker 1: age I would be wanting a man that's really certain
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  Speaker 1: and grounded in where he wants to go and what
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  Speaker 1: he's wanting for his relationship, his life, and for us,
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  Speaker 1: and I'd feel really safe in that. So yeah, I
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  Speaker 1: think there's some deeper, open, honest conversations, hard conversations for
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  Speaker 1: you to have and then for you to be brave
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  Speaker 1: to go, well, this is what I want, and if
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  Speaker 1: you can't meet me here, then this isn't it for me.
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  Speaker 1: You could waste three years of your life waiting for
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  Speaker 1: this man to decide that he's ready to commit for you.
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  Speaker 1: I don't do that at thirty six.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if you allow it, that's what you're choosing exactly. Yeah, yes,
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  Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like you want that.
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  Speaker 1: So no, you're very clear on what you're wanting, and
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  Speaker 1: it must be so hard, Like I can't imagine I've
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  Speaker 1: obviously been in a relationship for a long time, but
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  Speaker 1: I can't imagine falling for someone and then maybe like
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  Speaker 1: potentially having to walk away from someone that you really
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  Speaker 1: want but they don't necessarily want. You will want the
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  Speaker 1: same things, because sometimes love is not enough. You have
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  Speaker 1: to have align values and aligned vision and want the
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  Speaker 1: same things. And if you don't, I don't think it's
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  Speaker 1: going to work. They're big conversations that you've got to
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  Speaker 1: have with them, we think.
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  Speaker 2: Be brave enough to act on it as well.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the scary thing, isn't it. I can only imagine.
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  Speaker 1: But welcome to Accelerator. We're going to be holding your
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: hand throughout this whole journey and if anyone listening, Accelerator
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: is our online coaching program. We take a small intimate
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: group of women through a ninety day fast track method
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: and it's incredible to see who they are and what
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: they achieve after this ninety days. And you know, yours
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: might be a lot about learning strong boundaries and getting
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: really clear on what you're wanting and who you want
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: to be and what you're going to allow. And we've
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  Speaker 1: seen so many women from the last round do that
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  Speaker 1: in relationships, single, going through divorce, grieving, just really getting
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: their power back. And it's so beautiful as women to
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: watch other women step into that. It's really cool and
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: you'll be very surprised what you're attracting to your life
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: when you're holding that kind of frequency, not coming from
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: a place of scarcity, which is exciting.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: It's beautiful and scary, but also beautiful.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, definitely, so we'll see you an Accelerator. We hope
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: that helps. You've got this and feel free to update
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: us on what happens.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: We'd love to hear about it.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us, and if anyone else wants to
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: submit an anonymous submission, we will leave the link in
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: the description box below completely anonymous. The more context, the better.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: We'd love to help you absolutely.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: If you're also interested in Accelerator, you can send us
• 7:39
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• 7:42
  Speaker 3: point zero. Enrollment is unfortunately closed right now. Have a
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: woman let you know by a wait list and what
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: that will look like in the next intake repent.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Definitely, Thanks guys, we'll see you next time.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Bye.