Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / The Adult Child: When Growing Up Gets Stuck | S4 EP97

Transcript

The Adult Child: When Growing Up Gets Stuck | S4 EP97 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Grab a seat, pour a drink and let's turn up the heat.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful and sometimes wicked world of kink, bdsm and alternative lifestyles.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie or just here for the stories, we've got something for you.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions and maybe even spark a little fire of your own.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Let's get lit.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Hh.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Julius Marquis, or just Julius if you're informal.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: And this is another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire and it's another Thursday, so new episode out around noon Eastern time.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: And thank you again for being here and downloading and all those people that do that for me, and hopefully you're rating this podcast as well.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I appreciate it.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Up to like 150 average downloads a month, which is great, especially since I didn't know talking uh by myself would be entertaining to people, but I can see that it is from the statistics, which I appreciate.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Now, before I get into this episode's topic, I will be having another ASMR five seconds.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Once again.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I am drinking the Mio Crystallite Create Value Derivative.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: It looks to be fruit punch or strawberry or watermelon or something that I'm drinking Of course not sponsored.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: But we will start the ASMR.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Five seconds, one second In three, two one.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Five seconds.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: One second In three, two one.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I think I made it to two seconds that time.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Who knows, we don't know.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: But I've got to cough now.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I went down the wrong tube.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: When you suck it on something and then the liquid just comes in your mouth and then it just goes down the wrong tube, it's really rough.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I just had to cough it out a little bit.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, so, without further ado and messing around and ASMR-ing, we are going to talk about a subject that is dear and dear to me, that I recently learned about in the last two months and did not realize it was a thing.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I even passed this off to the parental folks for them to peruse and it got an emotional reaction there.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: And I figured it would, because they got an emotional reaction from me, which is very interesting.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: But I will say this correctly the subject I'm talking about is Pierre Eternus.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Eternus has an A at the front, which is very confusing, but it's very interesting.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: It is a like Sigmund Freud, jungian Jungian you don't really say the A when you're talking about Carl Jung, because he is Herman.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Carl Jung is an older German fellow, is a little, not a little older German fellow young came up with this theory called Epiaeternis.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: It is derived okay, I'll do it in a regular voice derived from the Latin term meaning eternal youth.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Oh God, oh, that Peter Pan complex.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: We just want to be children.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: The whole entire time Literally felt that way until about 40 and a half.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Then I realized, huh, I should be more of an adult, which is also interesting because a little few months before that, I had just gotten into the passion of improv after having done this podcast for like four years.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It was like huh, interesting, I am a man, child, person, child.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: I'm an adult child.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Eternal youth.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I got the Peter Pan complex.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: This is why, I believe, some of the reason why I never had kids, because it's like I can't even parent myself.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna parent literally another human being and be responsible for them.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: I can't do it, oh boy.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: So Latin term for eternal youth, so Pierre Eternus.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: And then there's Pierre Eternus is for women.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: But why do we have fucking Latin?
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: We've got to gender fry their words all the time.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: The literal term means eternal youth.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: There's no boy or girl about that.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Whatever philosophy, pierre Aeternus is used to describe a certain type of person who has the characteristics of being charming, affectionate and creative, yet with an overriding tendency to remain an adolescent mind frame well into their adult years.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Julius.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Unfortunately, this sucks.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: This is usually very impetus impetus, I can spell words to move towards adulthood, whether emotionally, mentally or economically.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes and yes, and unwillingness to bear the weight of any situation.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: So you get stuck in indecisiveness, which is amazing.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: So good, get stuck in it for literally your whole life.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: For me it was up to one year ago, maybe.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, sucks, you don't want to commit to anything because you're like, oh, is that the right decision to make?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: And it's like, uh, so we don't do a thing.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: We just uh, for decades, I don't want to commit to anything because I don't want to make a mistake and be like, oh, I wasted my time.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But yet it's like you get stuck in one place.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: So for me, it's get stuck in a job building up a bunch of debt.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: But it's getting stuck in an eh job building up a bunch of debt, but it's like I'm not making a decision to go anywhere.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Well, I made a decision to make this podcast, but at least that was something.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I got tired of yelling at my TV or my phone and it was like finally got to do something.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: So I got to get these words out of here.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: So I made mention of this before.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: But I have a guru.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: He doesn't know it, but he's my guru.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: He probably wouldn't even care to be that word, but he's a lot of people's guru, from Healthy Gamer, gg, dr K, yeah.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: So he made a video about this multiple videos now, because he's got a lot of reaction from it, you know.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: And finally I decided I'm going to give my opinion on it because I'm tired of this.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: This is something I had to deal with a year ago and finally start being an adult and realizing that I can't just live in like mediocrity.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: I got to do something.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: And also, you know, improv takes money.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: So all that stuff I mean this right here podcast takes money.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: If I want to make it better, blow it up.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: You got to get some money and stop just having to pay debt every year.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: So he started talking about this thing called pure a terrorist and I'm like everything he's saying that he's giving his opinion on and reading from on this article just hits home and it sucks the emotions that welled up inside of me with this.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: I even forwarded this to the family y'all.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I don't really do that a lot and it's like, oh, this makes perfect sense.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Now Asking me, why are you not getting married?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Why are you not having kids?
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't really believe in that, but something just didn't feel right about that.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: It's like we got to explain more what's going on.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And of course now Dr K makes a video about Pierre Eternus and I had to do a little research.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: So I'm just beginning the little research now and it's yet again another one of those things that Young started of course, the great and almighty Carl Young, and somebody that is an analyst, just like the personality people Myers-Briggs, the mother-daughter combo, which I've talked about before.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: There's another one.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Her name was Mary Louise von Franz.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: She wrote a book in 1970, the Problem of the Pierre Eternus, which is interesting because people are making TikToks about it, and she wrote a book about it in 1970, so decades on, decades ago.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: She's writing about that and people are still just like now I'm a child in an adult body and it's like, yeah, somebody wrote about this Yet again.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Why are we learning about algebra?
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: We could be learning about this.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: This would have been way more healthy.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Like what the fuck?
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: The American school system is?
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: Some bullshit.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, the problem with pure eternity is that she wrote in 1970.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Describes how the pure typically leads a provisional life, often because of a fear of being caught in a situation where they may not be possible to escape, which is bullshit.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Caught in a situation where they may not be possible to escape which is bullshit.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: You get stuck doing nothing because you don't want to get into something that you can't get out of, or at least you feel like it, even though, just like, consent is revocable at any time.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: So is that you can get yourself out of situations.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Oh God, oh, the stress of this, oh, it makes me so mad.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: It's like why couldn't I have learned about this like 10, 20 years ago?
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: God damn it.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, according to Von Franz, plans for future disappear into fantasy is what will be and what could be.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I've been there so many times myself, just stuck in the past.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: It's like, fuck the regrets.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: And then it's like, oh, I can't commit to anything because I don't know, but I could know.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: But then it's like I don't want to know because I could suck at it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: So there, that way, in order to not suck at it, we're just going to do nothing and just kind of cruise through life, which is great.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: No desire decisive action is taken.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Oh God, living in the fantasy world and refusing to face up to reality, oh, those words hit so hard.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: The peer craves independence and freedom, turns their nose up at boundaries and limits, and views any forms of restriction unbearable.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: This attitude prevents the peer from embarking on important life choices such as schooling, committed relationships and career preparation.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: That requires consistent, day-to-day effort.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: So pretty much studying for certifications that you need to advance in your career.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Hey, looking right at the mirror, right back at Julius.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't want to study for a minute and shit.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: So like have test anxiety.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I'm so like excited and passionate about this whole entire thing.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: My lips are like juicing up.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh my God, I can't talk fast enough, but I don't want to talk too fast.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: So I don't want my words to get muddled together and you guys not understand what I'm saying.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: But all of this shit hits home Once again.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Three for three Schooling, committed relationships and career preparation.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: So don't commit to anything.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: And then if the situation or opportunity or relationship passes you by, it's like I didn't commit to it anyway, so I didn't lose anything.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: So technically I won.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: That fucking type of thinking process is so fucking annoying.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Having been here in the future presence and reading this and now ruminating on all the past shit that had to go through because of this thinking, it's like oh yeah, oh, I'm the winner here, but I didn't commit to anything and you dumped me because I couldn't tell you my actual feelings, because I didn't want to get any kind of rejection feeling.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: But then I won.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: But then that relationship is gone or that career opportunity is gone and I didn't study for any certifications.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: So, fucking, yeah, still in the same position.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Fuck, um, okay.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: So Carl Young um says that the pure eternus is another example of an archetype.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Of course, um, well, I say of course.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: Many know, anybody knows about Carl Young as books or anything.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: You can go on YouTube and actually just get an abridged version from people, because that's a lot of shit to go through and for me a lot of it hits too close to home and it's just too much to actually get through.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: So it's good it's just in video form.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: That way I'm forced to progress unless I hit the pause button.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: But fuck, good lord, he has archetypes, that's the thing and personas and stuff like that, and you can read all through that and probably take an online test to figure out which archetype you are.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: But fuck they all.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: I mean every single one of them is kind of relatable at some point.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: But, just like any spectrum is like, depends on which archetype you relate to the most at any even day.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Oh god, okay.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: But the pure eternity is another archetype from Carl Carl Jung, an innate, non-learned and hereditary mental image present in the collective unconsciousness of humans.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I'm not even going to go into the collective unconsciousness because it's so much you don't realize how much you relate to other people until you start reading some Carl Jung and talk about the collective unconsciousness, but that's a whole, nother episode topic to talk about.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Jung believed that, like all archetypes, the pure display both the collective unconsciousness, but that's a whole other episode topic to talk about.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Young believe that, like all archetypes, the peer display both positive and negative aspects.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Of course, everything is a fucking spectrum.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: The positive side symbolizes newness, potential for growth and hope for the future, the negative side symbolizing a refusal to grow up and face challenges head on.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: So you just want to live in your comfortability, don't want to be uncomfortable, but you know there's something that could be gained from it.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: But it's just not enough motivation to get out of the comfortable and learn something new, because it could be too hard and uncomfortable.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Got to be comfortable with the uncomfortable people.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: That's the only way you get anything done in life.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: God damn it.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: The positive and negative aspects both of them, oh god, alright.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: While tradition is associated with upper classes.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Positive and negative aspects Both of them, oh God, All right.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: While tradition is associated with upper classes, the pure eternity is now recognized as a shadow that can be experienced by anyone.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: So if anybody knows about shadow work, that's when you delve deep and self-analyze all the negative parts of yourself, your opposites, your opposites.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: It's now burping, learning about your opposites and this is one of those aspects of the shadow.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Again, shadow work in the shadow, another Jungian belief and something else that people should look into, another deep topic.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: So, again, all this shit is related.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Good lord, one of the modern day causes is thought to be a result of helicopter parenting.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Anybody of helicopter parenting?
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Um, anybody knows what?
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Helicopter parenting?
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Tiger moms and dads, uh, all that kind of stuff.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: It prevents them from becoming fully independent and making the appropriate transition from adolescence into adulthood.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: I would say I have the peter pan thing.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Um, because of, like the michael jackson syndrome, gotta be an adult before you're ready.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: If anybody knows who Michael Jackson is, fucking crazy, I have to say that.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: But he was made into an adult way before he was it could.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: That's why he had the Neverland in its place with all the carnal rise and shit, because he had to be an adult before he was ready.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Yay, one of those kinds of things.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: Not so much in that sense, but especially us L latchkey kids.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: We just had to adult ourselves way earlier than we should have.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Fucking great, yeah, then you end up adulting yourself, or not even quite being a full adult, all the way into your 40s.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I don't take solace in that, I'm not bitter about that at all.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: Therapy, it's a thing.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Another cause is thought to be societal attitudes towards aging, with positive aspects of adulthood repressed in favor of an image that being young at the peak years of your life should be cherished above all else.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, fucking great.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Hey, peter Pan syndrome Great, we know what Peter Pan is right.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Never, never Land, takes the kids quote, unquote, unquote.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Kidnap, kidnap, kidnap the kids, kidnaps the kids, which is great, oh God.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: So yeah, that's a quick little thing.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to go all the way into Pierre Eternus, I'm talking out of my ass.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Of course, I'm way too emotional about this thing to actually give like medical thing.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to give my opinions.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: As y'all know, here at the Around the Kinky Campfire, julius likes to give his opinion on things and you guys can do your research.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Outside of that, I don't give a fuck about being right or wrong.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: It's my opinion, based off of facts.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: So if you don't agree with it, I don't know why you're listening, but feel free to do your research yourself and figure out for yourself how this relates to you.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm just going to talk about certain aspects, overview aspects.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God, there's so much stuff here.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, so great, all right.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: So I'm just going to take little snippets from healthygamergg, the website that Healthy Gamer has, and topics about pure eternists, and then there's so much video that Dr K has talked about on his channel, on the podcast, and that such.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go deep into that, I'm just getting my personal experience with all these different things, like I have been.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Mary Louise Fron Frons, what she's been saying and how it relates to me, okay, so, pure Aeternus.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, pure, pure Ella.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: There is a difference between the boy and the girl, but since I was raised as a boy, then we'll talk about that perspective.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: So far, yeah, the fear of loss of potential, worried about making the wrong choice and wasting their time, the wasting their time thing.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: So that hits so hard because it's like, oh, I don't want to waste my time on that, but play a video game or watch a TV show's, watch a whole season of tv show.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great fucking use of time.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Instead of like, oh, I could have like tried to learn a skill or, um, I don't know spanish or something, and like didn't want to do that.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Because it's like, what am I going to use that?
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I might not use that.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I'm going to learn all this and not use it.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: It's's like fucking shit.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, the sleepy, undisciplined, long-legged youth who merely hands around hands around, I think they mean hangs around his mind wandering indistinguishably so that sometimes, when he feels inclined to pour a bucket of cold water over his head.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: That was from Mary Louise von Franz in the book Problem of the Pure Eternus, which is great, okay, but there's a little silver lining.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: So, from the HD perspective, you're not just lazy, okay, you're actually choosing to do nothing.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: So action which is something I believe as well is you're not just being lazy, so you're not actually doing nothing, you're choosing to do nothing.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: It's an action.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: You're making a choice, lazy, so you're not actually doing nothing, you're choosing to do nothing.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: It's an action.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: You're making a choice to do nothing when you could do something.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I believe in that definition of being quote unquote being lazy.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: The PR can perform incredible feats and work intensely, but once they hit an obstacle that forces them to do the drab jury work required for great achievements, they give up until the next project comes along.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: So always the obsession with something new until it gets boring.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Hey, looking once again in the mirror, julius here talking to Julius.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: He's wanting to do a bunch of different projects.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And if you come into my home area, oh yeah, you'll definitely not see a bunch of different projects.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: And if you come into my home area, yeah, you'll definitely not see a bunch of projects around that weren't completed because when it got to the hard part, or the grinding that is so familiar and like video games, got bored and just kind of put it on hold.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Quote unquote yeah, so that's wonderful.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: It's amazing, fucking amazing.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Why didn't I learn about this back in 1970?
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Because I wasn't alive then.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: That's why I could have read this book when I was like a child in the 90s, didn't know about it.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: That's why, good Lord, in their wake lie countless unfinished projects that failed to constellate into a greater whole.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Fucking amazing.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Another quote from Mary Louise von Franz In Symbols of Transformation.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Young spoke of one cure work.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: And having said that, he hesitated for just a minute and thought is this really as simple as all that?
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: Is this just the one cure?
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Can I put it that way?
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: But work is the one disagreeable word which no pure eternist likes to hear, and Young came to the conclusion that it was the right answer.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Of course we don't want to do work, we don't want to have fun.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Hit that dopamine switch, keep flipping it up and down.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Fucking great, all right.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: So we had the pure eternist cycle Fantasy.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Life equals failure to commit, which equals cut off responsibilities, which leads to perpetual loading.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Life forces half-ass the situation.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I love that they to commit, which equals cut off responsibilities, which leads to perpetual loading life forces half-ass the situation.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I love that they put half-ass on here.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: Fucking amazing Life doesn't meet their fantasy Daydream Don't act Procrastination.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: Back to perpetual loading Life forces Half-ass Fantasy Daydream Don't act Procrastination.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: We just keep going in this fucking circle.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: This is what I've been doing for the last couple decades after I graduated from college fucking commit to something and do it and fail and then commit to it again.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: As I've said so many times, it's okay to fail.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: It's not a waste of time.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Not a waste of time, fucking ridiculous.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: And that's such in the like societal zeitgeist of like, oh, I don't want to have my time wasted.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: You're not going to know unless you fucking try it.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Like you got to try it, oh my God.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: It's like everybody trying to get into different lifestyles, whether it be like BSM, kink or non-monogamy.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: It's like I don't know what to do.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: It's like you got to try it.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: You're not going to know.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: You're not gonna know, you're not gonna know.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I talked about the last episode, performing improv in an expo.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: If I had not done it then I wouldn't know.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I'm telling y'all right now, even when I was in the middle of it.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: I was analyzing myself and I was like, oh shit, we should have done this and this and this and this.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: And then now afterwards I'm like shit, okay, but guess what can always plan for the future.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm telling you right now, like eat, like I hope I hold on to this feeling, but like the class shows that we do and are just not that big of a deal anymore, because it's like fucking performed on a fucking stage, had to host, and that was interesting.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: But now it's like whatever I learned from those mistakes and we'll do it again and again and guess, guess what it might fuck up again, but guess what we will learn from those mistakes as well.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: It's fucking great, it's amazing, okay, anyways, that fucking cycle is so, oh God.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: All right, so I got to remember to put all these links in the description and I closed stuff from before.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: So we'll remember to do all this stuff.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: As you all know, I talk about stuff and don't necessarily remember to put those links in the description, but I do say the names, so hopefully you'll be able to find all these different things here, okay, so put that link in the description.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: We've got to look at this pure-eternus cycle.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Oh God, so triggering, okay, common challenges of the pure.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: If I start something, I want to be sure that it will turn out well.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Of course you can't fucking predict the future.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I'm saying fucking a lot in this one.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I guess you can see I'm emotional about this subject.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you, and yes, if I start something, I want to be sure that it will turn out well.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Wanting to choose the right thing, oh God, in quotes like how the fuck do you know?
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: That is a core part of the pure alternative struggle.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: But clinging to endless possibilities hinders real progress.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: The truth is, there will always be obstacles.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Every single time there will be an obstacle.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're trying to drive somewhere to do a show or something and your car breaks down.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Of course you get a flat tire.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Of course Can't plan for that shit.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: But guess what?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: There are alternatives, there's workarounds for this kind of stuff.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: You can't assume that it's going to happen.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: It happens when it happens and then you work around it.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Key is learning to overcome them.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: There's no perfect path.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: There's only your path there is.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: There is no perfect path.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: There is no perfect path.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: There is only your path, your path, only your path, your path, the only one there is Okay, yeah, not just talking to y'all, I'm talking to myself too.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: Oh God, so triggery.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: To move past this paralysis of action you'll need to build tolerance for uncertainty and imperfection.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It's going to suck, but keep going anyway.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Create structure that supports action, not just willpower.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: So routine, even though it's going to suck, keep doing it anyway and then have a routine for it because you got to do it.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Keep doing it anyway and then have a routine for it because you got to do it.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I would say routine builds a good habit, especially if you like the diagnose and troubleshoot that routine to make it better for you.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Not gonna be perfect, but it can always be better.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Learn how to allow for mistakes and find healthy ways to move past them.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Forgive yourself for the mistakes, show gratitude that you tried in the first place and move on.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Because guess what, what?
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Just like here at Around a Kinky Campfire and with theater stuff in general, improv especially we celebrate the mistakes Because you know what.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: You can't learn and evolve without making mistakes.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry to tell you this.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: People and Dr K specifically points out if you make excuses about this, you're subscribing to your pure Aeternus people, you're just reinforcing that shitty habit.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's a thing.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Hey, oh God, so fucking ridiculous.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: So the next common challenge If my circumstances were better, I'd achieve so much more.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Yay, julius thought that too for so many years.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: Fucking great.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: It's tempting to believe that the right circumstances, you'll finally live up to your potential.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: With the right circumstances, you'll finally live up to your potential.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: But waiting for the perfect circumstances or the perfect words can delay action forever.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: All paths come with constraints.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: Life is ultimately about having the discipline and motivation to act even when the circumstances aren't perfect.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: A lot of that you know.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Fake it till you make it.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Do the thing first and apologize later.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: Don't ask for permission All those kind of things To move forward.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Try focusing on what's within your control.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: You can't control other people's actions.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: You can't control the weather.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: You can't control all this other random shit.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: You can only control yourself.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Like for me applying for the Etsy Expo.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Nobody else can control that except for me.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: After the submission was in.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I can't control anything that happens afterward.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Luckily, the outcome turned out well.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: But had I not applied, none of that shit would have happened.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, amazing Trying to do shit.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Ugh, taking small steps in face of real limitations Again, that shit Redefining success on your own terms.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: So for me, I had to meditate and learn that success is just submitting the shit in the first place.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Whatever happens after that, so be it.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, not just talking to y'all.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Talking to myself, julius in the mirror again.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, I have big dreams, but can't stick to one project and follow through.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: Yay, same thing.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: You're full of potential, but without direction and commitment, potential can become a trap.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Chasing a new exciting project may feel productive, but in reality it leads to a trail of unfinished work and growing frustration.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Hey, guess who's frustrated now Reading this shit?
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Because it hits too close to home.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: This guy, julius, fucking amazing.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, to solve this, you need to narrow your focus and learn to tolerate boredom.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's gonna happen.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: There's plenty of meditation tips that they have on Healthy Gamer GG.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: You should watch a video from Dr K.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: Talk about meditation.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: Big part of that is grounding, and big part of grounding and learning how to ground yourself is living with the boredom.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Guess what?
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: You can be bored.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Listen to the thoughts in your head.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: It's totally fine.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: You don't even pick up your phone or that controller, just sit with it.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Fucking shit.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: What with it?
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: Fucking shit, what if I choose the wrong college, major career or project to focus on and just waste time?
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Oh no, the horror Not knowing what to do is scary, but also waste time.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: By not choosing to escape the pure eternity trap, you have to sacrifice the potentials that keep you paralyzed.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Dr K likes to say, especially in the pure eternity video, is that when you close doors, so you limit your fucking distractions and the amount of projects you commit to other doors open and that's you got to learn how to say no.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Sometimes Can't accept everything Like perfection.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Trying things before you feel ready and learning through doing are key.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: If you need help figuring out what fits, coaching can help.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: So the whole HG coaching, I'm looking into that, but I can't really advertise it.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Not a sponsor Okay, I was gifted top of my class, got good grades and now I do nothing but daydream.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Hey, once again heading home.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: When success comes early in life, it can be hard to develop the discipline needed to succeed.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Later in life, daydreaming feels safe, even meaningful.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: However, it ultimately keeps you from confronting real limits and using efforts towards improving your circumstances.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: To move forward, you'll need to rebuild your drive from within, not just chasing achievement but creating purpose, which was great.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: For me as a gifted kid on the college prep track, most of my schooling life just kind of did the homework in class and then at home did the homework and then someone played video games or watched tv, so didn't build up those habits of working and being disciplined.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh god, yep, did a lot of daydreaming fucking amazing.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: Who else had nightmares when they were a kid?
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because it was like always the boogeyman was there, because he had an active imagination and it's like just ran rampant and then it cascaded through all of your life because you did all your stuff you're supposed to.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: School came easy so you don't have to work on studying.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: It's fucking great.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: And then you end up doing that real life.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, oh, here we go.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Last um common challenge I'm afraid of trying in real life.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I'm drawn to video, to video games, because I can't fail there, because there's always a continue button In video games.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: You can always get another chance, you can always start over and eventually you can win.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: It's important to understand that.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Though you can't respond IRL life is pretty similar you can always choose a better path for yourself and take action towards real progress, which is very interesting because you don't realize this.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: If you mess up, say you lose friends or something like that, guess what, you're still alive.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: As long as you don't actually die or have any permanent injuries, you can keep going.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: And then like there's emotional and mental um consequences of different things.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: But that's what therapy is for.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Uh, most of the time it can help.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: So if you have like trauma that could be holding you back, it's like, oh see, you're professional, that'll be it, but like trying to do the things is you know you're going to fail, but guess what, you're not actually going to be permanently unable to try again.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: In most cases, to change this you'll need to build tolerance for failure, create safe challenges and start seeing real life effort as meaningful, even if it's not as predictable as a game.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't predict the future, but you can still try to make a good one.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: And then I will put this link for all the different things.
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: He's got his videos on there and then coaching, if you need it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: So good, the all the different things were talked about.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: So he talks about pure return.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: It's not just in the videos on this link, there's another one now that's like on his page where he keeps talking about it.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: So it's going to be a thing he keeps talking about over and over again and I'll keep yelling at my phone or TV screen in the meantime.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: But yeah, now I hope most people have gone in after this episode, learned about pure Aeternus and pure L-Aeternus for the boy and the girl and done a little bit more research and then feel free to get coaching.
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: I'll try to remember to put those links in the description below, but for now that is all from your host, hh Julius Marquis.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: This is Around the Kinky Campfire New episodes on Thursdays noon Eastern time.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go cry in a corner and hopefully meditate and get grounded after this, because all that was triggering for me I don't know about for you, but I hope you enjoyed this episode.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Hello, that's a wrap for this episode of the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Hello, around the Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: At yahoocom.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review wherever you're listening.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: Your support helps keep the flames burning and the conversations flowing.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: Follow us on Twitter Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: Youtube, around the Kinky Campfire Campfire with a K.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Or Instagram Campfire Kingsters Campfire with a K.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: To stay in the loop, join the community and keep the kink alive between episodes on Thursdays.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and keep that fire burning.