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MONEY DIARIES: Surviving then thriving after sexual assault and chronic illness · She's On The Money

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: She's on the Money.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: She's on the Money.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Tony Lodge,
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: and joining me for another shot back money Diary is
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Miss Victoria.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Divine Tony Lodge.
• 0:35
  Speaker 4: How are you?
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  Speaker 3: I'm good, Thank you, And today's money Diary has a
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: bit of a twist.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I have no email.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I said to you, hey, are we doing a
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: money diary, and You're like, no, we're not. I haven't
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: scheduled run and us. I have though, and You're like,
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: this is not how it works, and I was like,
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  Speaker 4: well it is today. And the reason for that is
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  Speaker 4: because I got a DM recently that has turned into
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: a money diary. So I just want to make sure
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: that you guys get a trigger warning before we jump
• 1:02
  Speaker 4: into any of this, because today we are going to
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: be talking about rape, we are going to be talking
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: about chronic illness, and we are going to be discussing
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: a lot of the financial impacts around that. But also
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: given the nature of this topic and the fact that
• 1:15
  Speaker 4: I genuinely do not believe we talk about these things
• 1:18
  Speaker 4: enough or in enough detail to fully comprehend how that
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: impacts people and what that means. We are going to
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: be having a pretty unsensored conversation about this. So if
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: that is something that you're not ready for, don't want
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: to have a listen to, or will not be the
• 1:32
  Speaker 4: right content for you at this point, we will see
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: you next week. I promise it will be a lighter episode.
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: And obviously we have two other episodes that you can
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: go listen to this week anyway, so I promise you're
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: not missing out. But Tony, let's dive straight in and
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: I will read out the DM that I got this
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  Speaker 4: week from our money diarist. Okay, so the DM reads, Hey,
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  Speaker 4: V I know you get a ton of dms, which
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: I do, but I love it, So don't stop from
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: the She's on the Money community. But I wanted to
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: still say huge thank you. Your team has helped me
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: to work through my money story and the shame I
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: had surrounding it. After growing up being a dedicated saver
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  Speaker 4: and a hard worker, I turned to shopping as a
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  Speaker 4: coping mechanism after Ira was raped and had a miscarriage
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  Speaker 4: last year. I spent so much money that I ended
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  Speaker 4: up broke and I had to move home for support.
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  Speaker 4: Since that time, I started reading your book, listening to
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  Speaker 4: your podcast and other podcasts like CZ the AA which
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: Tony we love, Sarah's podcast is amazing and I've come
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: so far mentally. I now run and support myself via
• 2:36
  Speaker 4: my own business, have stayed in UNI full time, I'm
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: actually studying finance what a Queen, and have managed to
• 2:44
  Speaker 4: recently adopt my mini dash hound puppy, who is my
• 2:48
  Speaker 4: actual baby. If that is not a money diary ready
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  Speaker 4: to happen, I don't know what is money, Darrest, Welcome
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: to the show.
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  Speaker 5: Hi, thank you for having me.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my, oh gosh, of course my friend, and I
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  Speaker 4: know you didn't slide into my DMS to get on
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  Speaker 4: the show and do a money diary, but that was
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  Speaker 4: such a beautiful message, such a beautiful story to share
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: with me, And I'm just I love these messages and
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: knowing that we have such an impact with our community.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: So after you and I had gone back and forth
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: with a couple of messages mainly talking about puppies, I
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: was like, would you do a diary? And you were like,
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, yes, I'd love to. But I didn't
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: know if I should like write in or not. And
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: I was like, oh, you don't have to. Can I
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: read your DM and you said yes? And here we
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: are literally less than twenty four hours later. So Money Diarist,
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  Speaker 4: can we just jump into the questions because I have
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: a million questions for you to get to later in
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  Speaker 4: the show. Sure, let's go for it, all right, Money Diarist,
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: what is your attitude towards money?
• 3:44
  Speaker 6: Definitely a work in progress, I'd say at the moment,
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  Speaker 6: there's still a lot of fear arounding it. I'm still
• 3:50
  Speaker 6: absolutely terrified every time that I open my bank account,
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  Speaker 6: even though I know I'm making money. But there is
• 3:56
  Speaker 6: also this sense of achievement there as well that I
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  Speaker 6: know that I am being intentional about it. So I
• 4:01
  Speaker 6: guess if I had to say it was an attitude,
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  Speaker 6: it would be this sort of a bit apprehensive because like,
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  Speaker 6: I do know that I'm working, but I also know
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  Speaker 6: I've got a.
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  Speaker 5: Long way to go.
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  Speaker 4: Can understand that. So next question, what do you currently
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: do for work? And how much money do you earn?
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  Speaker 5: My friend, so, as I said, I am running my
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  Speaker 5: own business. After everything that.
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: Happened in the last year, I needed to be able
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: to support myself from home because I was in a
• 4:30
  Speaker 6: wheelchair after everything, So I couldn't really turn up to
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  Speaker 6: an office or go to a cafe like I had
• 4:36
  Speaker 6: in the past, because you need to walk for that.
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  Speaker 6: So I started a digital marketing agency from home and
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  Speaker 6: I currently do all the digital marketing socials, emails, websites
• 4:47
  Speaker 6: for about six different companies in Perth.
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  Speaker 4: Six already.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah, so it's been about six months, but it's just
• 4:55
  Speaker 6: grown faster than I could have imagined. Wowow, that's my
• 5:01
  Speaker 6: primary source of income at around eighty grand.
• 5:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Wait, so you've gone from like zero to five thousand,
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: making eighty grand a year in your own business.
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  Speaker 6: Yeah, Oh my gosh, that's really exciting. But I'm also
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  Speaker 6: lucky enough to have some part time work doing pr
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  Speaker 6: in a company as well, just two days a week
• 5:23
  Speaker 6: for experience for my degree. But they're paying me, so
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  Speaker 6: that is an extra thirty grand a year as well.
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  Speaker 1: Whoa wow.
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  Speaker 3: And so do you do the digital agency stuff that
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: you do from home?
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  Speaker 1: You must be so busy.
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  Speaker 3: So do you do that on the other three days
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  Speaker 3: or are you just working like around the clock.
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  Speaker 5: It is a bit of a juggle. I'm not gonna lie.
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  Speaker 6: It's a bit messy sometimes because the days I'm not
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  Speaker 6: working in the city.
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  Speaker 5: I am at uniful time.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 6: So the digital agency stuff happens after hours or in
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  Speaker 6: between classes or on the weekend if I don't have
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  Speaker 6: enough time. So I'm usually like that weird kid in
• 6:00
  Speaker 6: the library who's just like out of class and taking
• 6:03
  Speaker 6: a client meeting on zoom, then like back into class
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  Speaker 6: writing and assessment. It's just the way it's worked out.
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  Speaker 6: But I actually love it, so it's fine.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I'm so in awe of how you've
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: just gone. You know what, I'm going to start my
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  Speaker 4: own business. I might still be a UNI. I've got this.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I'll figure it out.
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  Speaker 4: I'll figure it out. Can I have like a leaf
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  Speaker 4: out of your book of confidence? Please? My friend?
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  Speaker 6: Gosh, Oh, it definitely doesn't feel like confidence.
• 6:29
  Speaker 5: It feels like insanity at some points. But thank you.
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  Speaker 4: We're all winging it. That's the secret. I don't even
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: know what I'm doing, and that's totally fine. I think
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: it's one of those things where sometimes and I talk
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: about this a lot on the Business Bible podcast, sometimes
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  Speaker 4: you feel like you've got to have it all together
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  Speaker 4: before you can even start, and in reality that's not
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: the case at all. You just start and you'll work
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  Speaker 4: it out from there, wing it, She'll be right done.
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  Speaker 6: It is very much better than perfect, and that's something
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  Speaker 6: I've really had to adjust to learn.
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  Speaker 4: Yes, all right, money diarist, what is your big money goal?
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  Speaker 6: So the one that I'm working to currently is to
• 7:07
  Speaker 6: rebuild my emergency fund, especially with a little four legged friends,
• 7:12
  Speaker 6: I find it really important to have money set aside
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  Speaker 6: for those emergencies that you just don't see coming.
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  Speaker 5: And I'm about halfway there with that.
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  Speaker 6: And once I've done that, the next big goal is
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  Speaker 6: to start working on a house to cause it.
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  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. What to you is
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  Speaker 4: quote a healthy emergency fund, like, what is that number
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  Speaker 4: that would make you feel comfortable? And ask this just
• 7:35
  Speaker 4: because it varies from person to person.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess for me, knowing that.
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  Speaker 6: Life can be super unpredictable and you just never know
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  Speaker 6: what's going to happen, I aim to have six months
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  Speaker 6: of living expenses set aside so that if something were
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  Speaker 6: to happen in the future where I am not able
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  Speaker 6: to work or whatever it might be, I've got that
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  Speaker 6: stability and that confidence that I I've looked after future
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  Speaker 6: me and I don't want to end up in the
• 8:03
  Speaker 6: same position that I've been in where I've just got nothing.
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  Speaker 5: So yeah, six months is my goal.
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  Speaker 4: I like that, and it seems like a really solid
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  Speaker 4: goal as well. From your perspective, You're like, you know what,
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  Speaker 4: I have a clean, clear goal, and a lot of
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  Speaker 4: people when we start talking about emergency funds, they'll often say, oh,
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  Speaker 4: maybe like between three to six, and it's like, well,
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  Speaker 4: those two numbers are actually really different, like six is
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: actually double three, So you know where are we going
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  Speaker 4: and what are we doing? So I like that. You're like, Nope,
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  Speaker 4: I've chosen six. That's what I'm working towards. So that
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  Speaker 4: when your emergency fund is full and you have reached that,
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  Speaker 4: there's clarity on that goal having been set and achieved,
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  Speaker 4: and you can move on to a house deposit feeling
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  Speaker 4: confident that that goal's done and dusted, instead of like, oh,
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  Speaker 4: do I need to top it up more or is
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: that enough? Like, no, You've planned it and I love it.
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: Money Diarist, do you have any investments?
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  Speaker 5: I do.
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  Speaker 6: Actually, this is the only part of my money that
• 8:58
  Speaker 6: I wasn't able to spend in my frenzy last year
• 9:01
  Speaker 6: because I couldn't access it and I couldn't be bothered
• 9:05
  Speaker 6: to try and access it if I'm honest. So I've
• 9:07
  Speaker 6: had a Superhero account for about sixteen months maybe oh wow. Yeah,
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  Speaker 6: So that was something that was like one of the
• 9:15
  Speaker 6: first big money steps that I took while I was
• 9:19
  Speaker 6: working last year, and I just make it a habit
• 9:22
  Speaker 6: of consistently putting money aside each month because my income
• 9:26
  Speaker 6: does vary a little bit, it's more of a percentage
• 9:29
  Speaker 6: than an exact number that goes in there. But yeah,
• 9:32
  Speaker 6: I've seen a pretty good return on that so far,
• 9:34
  Speaker 6: and obviously I'm young enough to let it compound for
• 9:37
  Speaker 6: quite a few years, so hopefully in the future that
• 9:40
  Speaker 6: will be worth it.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: Side note, I obviously work with Superhero because I also
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: quite like their platform and I'm comfortable sharing it with
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: our community. Obviously, there's lots of other platforms I talk about,
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: like I talk about Cheesy's and six Park, and I've
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: spoken about a whole heap of micro investing platforms from
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: the perspective of someone who so clearly got Superhero before
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: I even started talking about it. Are you enjoying it?
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: Do you like it?
• 10:05
  Speaker 5: I definitely do.
• 10:07
  Speaker 6: I did a lot of reading and research before I
• 10:10
  Speaker 6: knew because I just knew nothing, and I obviously was
• 10:13
  Speaker 6: quite overwhelmed by the thought. Being a young female who
• 10:16
  Speaker 6: never learnt about it. I was like, I start, but
• 10:19
  Speaker 6: I did. I actually listened to a different podcast about it,
• 10:22
  Speaker 6: and they were quite massive fans of Superhero and it
• 10:26
  Speaker 6: just seemed like this really clear and easy way to
• 10:29
  Speaker 6: get started. There was no fees involved for the type
• 10:32
  Speaker 6: of investments I wanted, which was a massive plus. And
• 10:35
  Speaker 6: they're super supportive like this. The help that you can
• 10:39
  Speaker 6: get from them is really good. So that's yeah, I
• 10:41
  Speaker 6: find that really good.
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: I'm glad. Thank you for letting me be a bit
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: of self indulgent and ask a question. I mean that
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: could have gone two ways, Tony. She could have been like, yeah,
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: they're actually like not that good, and I'm like cool,
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: So I just said I work quiz them, but good
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: to know. Next question, do you currently have any debts?
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: It's not technically a debt, but I'm counting is it
• 11:00
  Speaker 6: a debt to myself to rebuild what I spent last year?
• 11:04
  Speaker 6: But in terms of like real world debt at the moment, no,
• 11:08
  Speaker 6: because I never allowed myself to go down the loan
• 11:10
  Speaker 6: or credit card route, even when I was like, let's
• 11:13
  Speaker 6: spend all of the money all the time.
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: And I'm really grateful that that was the one line I.
• 11:17
  Speaker 6: Wouldn't let myself cross because I just know that could
• 11:20
  Speaker 6: have spiraled so quickly.
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: So not at the moment.
• 11:24
  Speaker 6: I do have a little bit of money to repay
• 11:27
  Speaker 6: my parents who helped me with some medical loans, but
• 11:29
  Speaker 6: there's no interest on that, so that's, you know, quite easy,
• 11:33
  Speaker 6: and then.
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: It's just text.
• 11:34
  Speaker 6: But I'm really really lucky that I scored a scholarship
• 11:37
  Speaker 6: that pays half my HEX debt.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: So oh what congratulations?
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: Hold on, Tony.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Of course she did.
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: Of course she did. She's a hustler, she's obviously intelligent.
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: Of course you did.
• 11:49
  Speaker 6: So I'm really happy about that because that just halves
• 11:52
  Speaker 6: the burden that the future bean has to pay.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: Oh so good, so good. How did you get a scholarship?
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: How does that work?
• 12:00
  Speaker 6: So as a first year UNI student, I was like, Wow,
• 12:03
  Speaker 6: living's expensive. UNI's expensive. How do I make this better?
• 12:07
  Speaker 6: And I just chatted to the UNI. I was like,
• 12:09
  Speaker 6: what scholarships are there available? I was a country student
• 12:12
  Speaker 6: who had to move four hours away from home to study,
• 12:16
  Speaker 6: so there was quite a little bit more options available,
• 12:20
  Speaker 6: I guess for somebody in those positions. And yeah, I
• 12:24
  Speaker 6: just started applying, started writing essays and making myself sound
• 12:27
  Speaker 6: super intelligent, which, to be honest, it was all just.
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: Writing no, no, no. What she means is she didn't
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: have to try.
• 12:34
  Speaker 6: Yeah, so yeah, and then went through the interview process
• 12:38
  Speaker 6: and managed to get one, so that I'm really grateful
• 12:41
  Speaker 6: for that.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: Actually it's been a really big spot.
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: Oh congrats. How cool is that? And I wanted to
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: ask you that just purely because I don't think enough
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: people put their hands up for things like scholarships, and
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: as you said, you actually had to go searching for it.
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: You had to be proactive about it.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: And if this is.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: Your sign and have a look if your university offers them,
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: because it literally gets rid of half your extept if
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: you get the same one as our money direst All right,
• 13:08
  Speaker 4: next question, do you currently use shot Back?
• 13:11
  Speaker 6: I am a shot back fan of about two weeks
• 13:15
  Speaker 6: now so since listening to that episode of the podcast obviously,
• 13:21
  Speaker 6: and I've installed it on my laptop so that it's
• 13:25
  Speaker 6: really easy just to see like where it applies. And
• 13:29
  Speaker 6: I've also found by default that it actually applies to
• 13:33
  Speaker 6: so many of my business subscriptions and I had.
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: No idea how good.
• 13:38
  Speaker 6: Yeah, so it's actually saving money, not just personally but
• 13:41
  Speaker 6: in my business, and I'm really grateful for that.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Oh that's a good tube. I think.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: Make sure that you take it for any subscriptions for
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: you know, like Adobe or like I.
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: Don't know, Yeah, I wonder if you've got moob Is
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: that a thing?
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: Not yet.
• 13:56
  Speaker 6: I'm absolutely terrified of bookkeeping at the moment, just because
• 14:00
  Speaker 6: it's like one step.
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't have time for that, but I
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: do need to get there, all right.
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: Next question, money diarist, what is your best money habit?
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: I'm going to say discipline, but like in quotation marks
• 14:14
  Speaker 6: for anyone who's listening, because I know that's a really
• 14:18
  Speaker 6: hard thing to kind of say. Like it has been
• 14:20
  Speaker 6: a bit of a journey for me, especially surrounding.
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: The shame of spending all my money.
• 14:26
  Speaker 6: So for me, it's been really important to make those
• 14:28
  Speaker 6: promises to myself that I'm going to, you know, when
• 14:31
  Speaker 6: I get paid, transfer things straight away into the right
• 14:34
  Speaker 6: bank accounts, or think about my purchase for twenty four
• 14:37
  Speaker 6: hours before I do it. If it's something for myself
• 14:41
  Speaker 6: or just those little things that do require that discipline.
• 14:43
  Speaker 6: But it's actually like it's about making a promise to
• 14:47
  Speaker 6: yourself and keeping it and learning to trust yourself again,
• 14:50
  Speaker 6: because I think I kind of broke that trust with myself.
• 14:52
  Speaker 6: I couldn't trust myself with my own money, which sounds
• 14:55
  Speaker 6: so strange, but it's true. So yeah, I think just
• 14:59
  Speaker 6: taking that time to really put those good habits in
• 15:02
  Speaker 6: place is my good habit.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: If that works, I think that is a very good
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: place to start. In contrast, what is your worst money habit.
• 15:13
  Speaker 6: You've probably guessed my now, but emotional spending. So I
• 15:17
  Speaker 6: started to use shopping as a way to cope with
• 15:19
  Speaker 6: all the feelings.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: That I had.
• 15:21
  Speaker 6: And I also just didn't want to be in the
• 15:22
  Speaker 6: house by myself, so I was just going out and
• 15:25
  Speaker 6: it wasn't even online shopping, it was just me out
• 15:28
  Speaker 6: in the shops, like walking around. So for me, that's
• 15:31
  Speaker 6: still a bit of a problem on the days that
• 15:33
  Speaker 6: I'm not coping so well, like when all those emotions
• 15:35
  Speaker 6: come back up, it's really easy for me to be like, oh,
• 15:37
  Speaker 6: I just like I deserve to buy this, but actually, yes,
• 15:43
  Speaker 6: like it's nice to treat yourself sometimes, but when it's
• 15:45
  Speaker 6: to the extent that future you is going.
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: To be suffering really badly.
• 15:50
  Speaker 6: It's not worth it, I've realized, and you have to
• 15:52
  Speaker 6: just kind of make that hard decision in that moment,
• 15:55
  Speaker 6: even when you're feeling pretty terrible already.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: So yeah, emotional spending still something.
• 16:00
  Speaker 6: I'm working through for sure, but hopefully few more months
• 16:04
  Speaker 6: or years I'll be a lot better at that.
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: I feel like you're really self aware of that as well.
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: It's not often that people pinpoint as a bad or
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: a worst money habit that emotional spending is one of them.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: Often they'll be like, oh, yeah, I can do this,
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: I can do that. But the way you've articulated that,
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: my friend, I think you are on exactly the right track.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Especially you adding I've never really thought about it before,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: but you saying that you broke that trust with yourself.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: I think so often we think about, you know, letting
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: other people down, like I don't want to let Victoria down,
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: or I don't want to let down my boyfriend or whoever.
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: But thinking about the trust and that relationship with yourself,
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: I think that that's often the most neglected relationship that
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: we have. And the fact that you're aware of that,
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: and that you now think like, hang on, do I
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: want to hurt myself by spending this money or whatever?
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: I think is just like such a nice way of
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: looking at it and so great that you're seeing and
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: know how that can affect you and go hang on, like,
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: not only is it spending the money, but I'm also
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: going to like hurt myself emotionally by doing this.
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely a new reference to future you, which I
• 17:12
  Speaker 4: obviously adore, because that's who we're looking out for. That's
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: who we're creating this secure financial future for, and the
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: decisions that you make do impact them. And I think
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: that you're just really self aware of that. And I
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: think that that just regardless of where you're at on
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: that journey, I think self awareness is the most important
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: thing that you can have on a money journey. Next
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: and final question before we take a quick break, money diarist,
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: what grade would you give your money.
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: Habits being a work in progress?
• 17:43
  Speaker 6: I'm going to say a C, not because I'm trying
• 17:48
  Speaker 6: to like sell myself short or anything, just because i
• 17:51
  Speaker 6: know that I've got a long way to go, and
• 17:53
  Speaker 6: that's okay. I'm actually excited about that because I'm heading
• 17:56
  Speaker 6: in the right direction. So I've kind of pulled myself
• 17:59
  Speaker 6: up out of a pit, so to speak, and I'm
• 18:01
  Speaker 6: like making some money again and I'm saving again. But
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: it is still baby steps and it is still the
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: start of a journey. So yeah, I'm comfortable with a
• 18:11
  Speaker 6: sea at the moment.
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: I think, well, we'll leave you with a C. But
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: I do have a lot of questions about your journey
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: and how you've gotten through it after this quick break.
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: All right, money Diarist, we are back and at the
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: start of this episode, I read out the DM you
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: sent to me, and we didn't touch on any of
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: the content in that except for maybe your shopping and
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: what you got up to in the questions prior to
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: the break. But I think the best way to start
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: this chat is actually to ask you, in your own words,
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: tell me a bit about your journey and what you've
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: been through.
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: Sure, So, like I said, this is all things that
• 18:46
  Speaker 6: have happened in the last twelve months, so it is
• 18:49
  Speaker 6: quite recent for me, which makes.
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: It quite easy to remember all the details. I suppose
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: last year.
• 18:56
  Speaker 6: Obviously, when we were hit at the pandemic, it did
• 18:58
  Speaker 6: upset so many lives and for us, even though we
• 19:02
  Speaker 6: weren't in lockdown as long.
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: We were in lockdown for a while. In twenty twenty
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: UNI shut down.
• 19:08
  Speaker 6: I lost my rental up in the city, I lost
• 19:11
  Speaker 6: my job up here, so I had to move back
• 19:14
  Speaker 6: down to the country town where I grew up, and
• 19:18
  Speaker 6: I ended up moving in with the family that I
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: worked for. I worked in a family restaurant at the time,
• 19:24
  Speaker 6: and I ended up moving in with them because it
• 19:28
  Speaker 6: was kind of if I was going to be working
• 19:30
  Speaker 6: with the public and working with them, it didn't make
• 19:33
  Speaker 6: sense to go home to my family and spread those
• 19:35
  Speaker 6: germs further. So I kind of stayed in that bubble.
• 19:39
  Speaker 6: And I absolutely loved that family. I still adore them,
• 19:41
  Speaker 6: but unfortunately things were not so great for me during
• 19:45
  Speaker 6: that period.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: I was really unwell.
• 19:47
  Speaker 6: I went through some big health ups and downs, and
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: their son became like my care He just sort of
• 19:54
  Speaker 6: stepped up and was like willing to help. He was
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: dressing me, feeding me, me, like all the things that
• 20:01
  Speaker 6: you never expect somebody to just step up and do.
• 20:04
  Speaker 6: And so as a result, you know, when you're that
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: vulnerable with someone, you do become quite close.
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: And we ended up becoming really good friends, and the time.
• 20:11
  Speaker 6: Came for you need to restart and jobs to reopen,
• 20:15
  Speaker 6: and we both moved back up to the city, and
• 20:19
  Speaker 6: obviously there was a lot of trust there, so he
• 20:21
  Speaker 6: was coming to the hospital with me for my appointments,
• 20:24
  Speaker 6: and I was like helping him out with a few
• 20:26
  Speaker 6: things until one night he needed a left home from
• 20:30
  Speaker 6: a party, and me, not thinking twice, I just went
• 20:34
  Speaker 6: and got him, because you know, I've lived with this
• 20:37
  Speaker 6: person for so long, and I've trusted them with pretty
• 20:40
  Speaker 6: much my entire life at this point of course, So yeah,
• 20:44
  Speaker 6: went and picked him up, and nothing sort of seemed different.
• 20:48
  Speaker 6: I had seen him drunk before, I didn't really have
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: any cause for alarm. I also had to go and
• 20:53
  Speaker 6: get another friend who was in the same position, couldn't
• 20:55
  Speaker 6: get home from the city, so I went and got her,
• 20:57
  Speaker 6: brought them both back to my place, and unfortunately that
• 21:01
  Speaker 6: night there was no boundaries for him and it just
• 21:05
  Speaker 6: I don't know what changed, but I couldn't escape. And
• 21:10
  Speaker 6: I guess coming out of that, it's really you're just
• 21:14
  Speaker 6: in this such deep period of denial where you just
• 21:17
  Speaker 6: don't want it to be true because you've trusted that
• 21:20
  Speaker 6: person and you've invested so much in that relationship and
• 21:24
  Speaker 6: to have that just be torn out from underneath you,
• 21:27
  Speaker 6: and then it's like, well, who do I trust now
• 21:29
  Speaker 6: and what am I supposed to do in the aftermath
• 21:32
  Speaker 6: of this? And obviously we are making progress in that space,
• 21:36
  Speaker 6: but there is still so much shame that surrounds it,
• 21:39
  Speaker 6: especially as the victim, and it's so hard to speak
• 21:43
  Speaker 6: up because you do get knocked back with people who
• 21:45
  Speaker 6: don't believe you, or people who think you're exaggerating, or
• 21:47
  Speaker 6: people who go, well, you brought a drunk guy home,
• 21:50
  Speaker 6: what did you expect? And I just don't see how
• 21:54
  Speaker 6: me opening my door to a friend justifies that kind
• 21:57
  Speaker 6: of like behavior. Like I just I've worked really hard
• 22:00
  Speaker 6: to get to that point because I definitely blamed myself, absolutely,
• 22:04
  Speaker 6: but and I know that so many people do, and
• 22:06
  Speaker 6: I just I know that feeling, and it's awful, and
• 22:09
  Speaker 6: you just feel so unworthy and so sort of used,
• 22:13
  Speaker 6: I suppose it's the only way to describe it. And
• 22:16
  Speaker 6: coming like in the weeks that followed, I still was
• 22:19
  Speaker 6: popping down south to where his parents lived to do
• 22:22
  Speaker 6: some work for them, so I was still sort of
• 22:25
  Speaker 6: part of the family, and it was like this horrible
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: period of having to tell them what had happened and
• 22:30
  Speaker 6: be like, look, I can't be here anymore. These are
• 22:32
  Speaker 6: the reasons I'm really sorry to put you in this
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: position where you're between me and your actual child.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: Wow, that would have been huge for you to tell
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: his parents what had happened.
• 22:43
  Speaker 6: Yeah, especially when you're like the adoptive kid, and it's
• 22:46
  Speaker 6: just this unnatural thing to do is to be like, look,
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: I'm just have to cut myself off here because for
• 22:54
  Speaker 6: my own sanity and you're sort of processing, I.
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: Need to be removed.
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: So that was really difficult because that was a major
• 23:02
  Speaker 6: part of my support structure that I had effectively taken
• 23:05
  Speaker 6: away from myself. I knew it was the best thing
• 23:08
  Speaker 6: to do at the time, but it still made it
• 23:10
  Speaker 6: really difficult because then you're relying on people that maybe
• 23:15
  Speaker 6: don't know the story or people who don't know you
• 23:17
  Speaker 6: as well, and it's just a bit messy. To cut
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: a very long story short, it was about two and
• 23:24
  Speaker 6: a half months after this had happened. I was at
• 23:28
  Speaker 6: home one night in the shower and I just started
• 23:31
  Speaker 6: bleeding and I didn't know what was happening to me.
• 23:34
  Speaker 6: I was so scared, And it turns out that I
• 23:36
  Speaker 6: had had a miscarriage and I was about ten weeks pregnant,
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: but I didn't know that because I had always been
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: told that I couldn't get pregnant and I was also
• 23:46
  Speaker 6: on the pill, so I was like, oh, I'll be okay,
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: Like I don't need to worry about this, and not
• 23:51
  Speaker 6: being in a relationship at the time, it hadn't been
• 23:53
  Speaker 6: something I was really worried about or thinking about. I
• 23:56
  Speaker 6: just didn't think. That's all I can really say. So, yeah,
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: I find that out was like a massive blow because
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: it was just that loss all over again. Even though
• 24:06
  Speaker 6: I'm young and I wasn't planning for a baby or
• 24:09
  Speaker 6: I didn't even want to be a parent at that time,
• 24:13
  Speaker 6: there is still this feeling of immense loss there in grief,
• 24:16
  Speaker 6: and I can't really describe that to anyone except if
• 24:20
  Speaker 6: you've been through it, because people just assume like, oh,
• 24:24
  Speaker 6: but you didn't want to be a parent, so you
• 24:25
  Speaker 6: must have been so relieved, And I was like, yeah,
• 24:27
  Speaker 6: there's an element of relief there, but you still feel sad,
• 24:30
  Speaker 6: And I think that's okay.
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: It's okay to feel that's.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Still your baby.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: That's still your child.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: I think given like, oh, this might be you don't
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: have to answer this, but given the circumstance obviously that
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: you've gone through as well, it's probably just such an
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: emotional time obviously, Like it goes without saying, but I
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: can't even imagine you coming to terms with that and
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: going hang on, like, what is happening here?
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Is this really happening to me?
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: Absolutely? And knowing that like if I had found.
• 25:01
  Speaker 6: Out and I hadn't had a miscarriage, I would have
• 25:03
  Speaker 6: been in this position to make this life changing decision
• 25:08
  Speaker 6: that you know, all of the things I had been
• 25:10
  Speaker 6: working towards, my studies and my job and all of
• 25:13
  Speaker 6: those things would have had to be put on hold
• 25:16
  Speaker 6: and my life would have been changed if I had
• 25:18
  Speaker 6: chosen to go down that path. And I just that
• 25:21
  Speaker 6: is such a scary thing to realize that you were
• 25:23
  Speaker 6: one step away from your life looking that different, because
• 25:26
  Speaker 6: I think you fall into this false sense of security
• 25:29
  Speaker 6: in a world that just assumes that pregnancy is like
• 25:33
  Speaker 6: this thing that you have to try really hard for,
• 25:35
  Speaker 6: or like that it doesn't happen when you're not expecting
• 25:38
  Speaker 6: it sometimes, and the fact is it does, and it's
• 25:41
  Speaker 6: unfortunately in these situations it happens a lot more than
• 25:44
  Speaker 6: people realize. And I didn't know that. Nobody told me that.
• 25:48
  Speaker 6: And even when you know, I went and went to
• 25:50
  Speaker 6: the hospital after the initial incident, nobody warned me or
• 25:55
  Speaker 6: tested me, because we all just assumed that it wasn't
• 25:59
  Speaker 6: a physical possibility because of my health.
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: And so if I can just give any advice, it's just.
• 26:07
  Speaker 6: Please and go and explore all the options, ask for
• 26:11
  Speaker 6: all the tests, because you don't want to be caught
• 26:13
  Speaker 6: off guard. It's so much harder when you don't have
• 26:15
  Speaker 6: any idea what you're going through than if you know.
• 26:18
  Speaker 6: And I was really sick in those ten weeks, but
• 26:20
  Speaker 6: it just for me, I just assumed it was all
• 26:23
  Speaker 6: the emotions and the anxiety, all those things coming to
• 26:26
  Speaker 6: the surface. I never ever did it once cross my mind,
• 26:29
  Speaker 6: but I could be pregnant. So yeah, that was a
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: really challenging time for sure. And it did end up
• 26:38
  Speaker 6: between the initial injuries from the incident and then sort
• 26:42
  Speaker 6: of the physical toll of a miscarriage, I ended up
• 26:46
  Speaker 6: in a wheelchair, as I said, for about six months.
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: I wasn't working so until April this year. And yeah,
• 26:56
  Speaker 6: even that in itself, like that just gave me a
• 26:58
  Speaker 6: newfound appreciation for or the less able bodied members of
• 27:02
  Speaker 6: our community and just you know, what they experience and
• 27:05
  Speaker 6: what they go through and the total lack of accessibility
• 27:07
  Speaker 6: that there is just generally, and the way that people
• 27:10
  Speaker 6: treat you is so different. And I guess through all
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: of these experiences there's been some huge lessons for me.
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: I'm not saying that.
• 27:18
  Speaker 6: Makes it worth it at all, but you know, there
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: is things that I've gone like, Wow, I never would
• 27:22
  Speaker 6: have known that if I hadn't gone through it. So yeah,
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: I think that pretty well summarizes what the last twelve
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: months have looked like.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, wow, I am. It's not often Tony in podcast
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: world for me that I'm at a loss for words.
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: In fact, arguably, I usually have too many of them.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: I just don't know where to start with this. That
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: sounds horrific, and I'm so sorry you've been through that situation,
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: and I hope, like I am in awe of how
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: you're handling this and how you're articulating this and we're
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: not even talking about something. You know, there's there's no
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: such thing as a good rape end of story, but
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: like you ended up in a wheelchair this was as
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: much physical as it was mental. And it's not like
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: it's taken such a toll on you, your body, your life,
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: your ability to generate revenue. You've I mean, you've bounced
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: back incredibly. Well you've gone and started your own business,
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: Like holy shit, Like you've gone and started your own
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: business after that happened, because you're like, do you know
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: what I have to support myself? Like that's incredible, my friend,
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: Like that is you know, a lot of people get
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: down and obviously that makes sense, and we all have
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: different coping mechanisms. But I just, yeah, I don't I
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: don't know what to say. I don't know what to
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: ask you. And I feel like this has been such
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: a special story to share because I'm so grateful that,
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: you know, even if one person listens to this and
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: they're like, oh, I'm not alone, like somebody else went
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: through this. But I guess to loop the back, you know,
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: to she's on the money, obviously started a business. You're okay,
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: but going through all of this financially, what did that
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: look like for you? During that process? Like you said before,
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: you've got some medical bills that your parents have covered
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: and you've got to pay them back for like, what
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: does that look like? How much has this cost you?
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: Sure?
• 29:20
  Speaker 6: So I did have some pre existing health things that
• 29:24
  Speaker 6: were happening in the background this whole time, which I
• 29:27
  Speaker 6: had been dealing with for a couple of years prior
• 29:29
  Speaker 6: to this, and that was mostly around the fact that
• 29:33
  Speaker 6: I've had four organs removed.
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: For yeah, for.
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: Four organs, Tony, I didn't even know I had more
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: than four organ trying.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: To work out which four you can still live without?
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: One kidney, one gall bladder.
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: All right, money diar is still share that with us, I hope,
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: because I'm real pervy, Like, is she missing a heart
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: and she's still just blopping around? We don't know, not yet.
• 29:57
  Speaker 6: Many people have asked me that, are you missing a heart?
• 29:59
  Speaker 6: I'm like, wow, am I that cold?
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: That's what I mean?
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, no, flight.
• 30:05
  Speaker 6: It's so from the age of six, like I stopped
• 30:09
  Speaker 6: growing and I was having a lot of stomach issues,
• 30:12
  Speaker 6: and like, as a six year old, nobody really believes you.
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: They're like, oh, yeah, you're six, you're just being.
• 30:16
  Speaker 6: Fussy, Like you'll be fine. So it actually took them
• 30:22
  Speaker 6: ten years to diagnose me with chronic pancreatitis, which is
• 30:26
  Speaker 6: really unusual for a little kid to have because usually
• 30:28
  Speaker 6: it's like after years of alcohol abuse or you know,
• 30:31
  Speaker 6: something along those lines. But basically, for those who don't
• 30:34
  Speaker 6: know where your pancreas, instead of sending the enzymes it
• 30:38
  Speaker 6: makes into your stomach to break down your food, it
• 30:40
  Speaker 6: starts digesting itself. Wow. Yeah, so it eats itself and
• 30:44
  Speaker 6: when it works through that, it starts everything around it,
• 30:47
  Speaker 6: which hurts.
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: By the way, if anyone.
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: I was about to say, that sounds really painful.
• 30:52
  Speaker 6: So when I was sixteen, I was actually fed through
• 30:54
  Speaker 6: tubes because I couldn't eat anymore because of the pain.
• 30:57
  Speaker 6: So I had a tube going into my heart, a
• 30:59
  Speaker 6: tube going through my nose for a long time, and
• 31:03
  Speaker 6: it got to the point where the doctors were like, look,
• 31:05
  Speaker 6: you're wasting away. We don't really know what to do
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: with you. You've probably got a good three months. And
• 31:11
  Speaker 6: my parents were like, hell, no, this is our kid, Like,
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: she's only sixteen, we can't do this. So I don't
• 31:17
  Speaker 6: even to be honest when I tell this story, I
• 31:18
  Speaker 6: still can't believe how this happened. But somehow my parents
• 31:22
  Speaker 6: found out about this surgery that was happening in America,
• 31:25
  Speaker 6: it had never been done in Australia, and they got
• 31:27
  Speaker 6: in touch and the team was like really synthetic to
• 31:31
  Speaker 6: our situation. So they came from America to Sydney.
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: What we fell over.
• 31:35
  Speaker 6: To Sydney and they did this surgery for me. So
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: they took out my pancreas and they took the little
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: tiny bit of functioning tissue that still was there that
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: made insulin and put it into my liver.
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: So my liver kind of does two jobs now.
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: They also took out my spleen, my gallbladder, and most
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: of my intestine, so that's what I'm missing.
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so that was like a major thing.
• 32:00
  Speaker 6: Obviously at sixteen, I missed a year of school and
• 32:03
  Speaker 6: like there were all these things that just happened out
• 32:06
  Speaker 6: of that. But when I recovered and bounced back, it
• 32:09
  Speaker 6: was like this new lease on life. I was like, Yes,
• 32:11
  Speaker 6: let's go. I'm gonna do everything. And so, you know, God,
• 32:15
  Speaker 6: I think I got my first job like literally eleven
• 32:18
  Speaker 6: months after the surgery. I was like, yes, I start
• 32:20
  Speaker 6: making money and I you know, put so much into
• 32:24
  Speaker 6: my school. I was just like so happy to be
• 32:26
  Speaker 6: back with my friends and it was really incredible the
• 32:29
  Speaker 6: support that we got from the doctors and like just
• 32:33
  Speaker 6: the team in general, like I still have a team
• 32:35
  Speaker 6: that's across Perth, Sydney and America because they just don't
• 32:40
  Speaker 6: have the resources here.
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: And I totally get that.
• 32:43
  Speaker 6: So that obviously, as wonderful as that recovery was, there
• 32:47
  Speaker 6: always is going to be some little bubbles and hiccups.
• 32:50
  Speaker 5: When, of course you're doing the job of those organs
• 32:53
  Speaker 5: from the outside.
• 32:54
  Speaker 6: And that's what had fled up last year was mostly
• 32:56
  Speaker 6: around the digestion and the blood sugar point of view.
• 33:01
  Speaker 6: And to just put a money spin on this, I
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: guess that surgery for anyone who's interested, was eight hundred
• 33:09
  Speaker 6: thousand dollars.
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 33:11
  Speaker 4: I was about to ask how much that cost, because
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: I was like, all right, that sounds expensive eight hundred grand, but.
• 33:18
  Speaker 6: You will never believe there's the Australian government was like, look,
• 33:21
  Speaker 6: this is a life threatening situation.
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: We are going to cover it.
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: What.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm so glad I paid taxes for you
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: to get your concreas out.
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what we pay taxes for. I am so
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: here for that. Oh my gosh, that is epic. Tony, Tony, Tony,
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: did we just hear the biggest money win of the
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: community ever.
• 33:44
  Speaker 5: So yeah, taxes, we love them, guys.
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: Wow, Oh my gosh, eight hundred grand.
• 33:51
  Speaker 6: Super grateful for the country that we live. No other
• 33:54
  Speaker 6: country in the world has that level of.
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: S and they never would have done that in America.
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: That would have not been an option. And that's where
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: those surgeons came from, for you.
• 34:02
  Speaker 6: And because they were considering asking us to come to America.
• 34:05
  Speaker 6: And if that was the case, my family would have
• 34:07
  Speaker 6: lost their house, their cars, everything, like, they would have
• 34:10
  Speaker 6: been in so much debt just to keep me alive.
• 34:12
  Speaker 6: It would not have really worked out the way that
• 34:15
  Speaker 6: it has. So yeah, that was incredible. But ongoing from that,
• 34:19
  Speaker 6: there is obviously a lot of costs. I'm very high maintenance,
• 34:22
  Speaker 6: as you can imagine it, and my budget obviously looks
• 34:26
  Speaker 6: a little bit different from people my age, I have
• 34:28
  Speaker 6: to say, because there has to be around two thousand
• 34:31
  Speaker 6: dollars in there for medical stuff every month.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Wow, every month, Holy moly.
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 34:36
  Speaker 6: So I am lucky to have support from my family
• 34:40
  Speaker 6: where they can, and things like healthcare, cars and things
• 34:44
  Speaker 6: do make some difference, but obviously there has to be
• 34:46
  Speaker 6: that safety net there to know that I can afford
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: the medications I need, and I can go.
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: To the appointments that I need and all of those things.
• 34:53
  Speaker 6: And at the moment, I need to get a new
• 34:56
  Speaker 6: insulin pump and that's like ten grand in one, so
• 34:59
  Speaker 6: excit expensive.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 35:02
  Speaker 6: So you know, there are those things that really do
• 35:06
  Speaker 6: add up after a while.
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: And I'm really grateful for my parents.
• 35:10
  Speaker 6: I could not have done it without them, absolutely, but
• 35:14
  Speaker 6: I have taken it upon myself to be like, I
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: want to contribute to that because obviously it is for
• 35:18
  Speaker 6: me and I just yeah, they are very supportive, which
• 35:23
  Speaker 6: I'm grateful for Franks mom and dad. But yeah, that's
• 35:27
  Speaker 6: kind of how the medical stuff plays into the money stuff.
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: I guess.
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: And with your medical I guess responsibilities, like the financial
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: responsibilities that you have for yourself, does that play a
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: large part into your emergency fund as well? So you
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: kind of you know, so my emergency fund, I think, okay,
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: this is how much my bills are my rent cost
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: per month, But you're thinking rent bills emergency like emergency
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: medical things that you might need to take care of,
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: let alone your normal monthly medications, right.
• 35:58
  Speaker 6: Absolutely, and those spiral when you're in a bad patch
• 36:02
  Speaker 6: because you don't need so much more support, and you
• 36:04
  Speaker 6: often need to, you know, get people into help with things.
• 36:07
  Speaker 6: And I do have a really amazing group of friends,
• 36:10
  Speaker 6: which luckily a lot of them are support workers, so
• 36:12
  Speaker 6: they jump in as my support workers.
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, what a special group of friends to
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: have around.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: You as well.
• 36:19
  Speaker 6: I absolutely are, And yeah, like you said, it just
• 36:23
  Speaker 6: I have to factor that into my emergency fund, and
• 36:25
  Speaker 6: that is why that fund is so crucial for me,
• 36:27
  Speaker 6: because I just don't know what.
• 36:29
  Speaker 5: The next six months will look like.
• 36:31
  Speaker 6: Often and it's obviously not just health stuff that can
• 36:34
  Speaker 6: interfere with that.
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: It can be totally out of your control.
• 36:37
  Speaker 6: But yeah, the health things do make me really aware
• 36:40
  Speaker 6: of how quickly things change and how much we take
• 36:42
  Speaker 6: for granted those days where we wake up, get out
• 36:44
  Speaker 6: of bed and just go and do stuff, because that's
• 36:47
  Speaker 6: not the reality for a lot of people dealing with
• 36:49
  Speaker 6: chronic illness. So yeah, I guess that's the picture for
• 36:54
  Speaker 6: me when it comes to health. A little bit messy,
• 36:57
  Speaker 6: but there it is.
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: It's so interesting to learn about your story and it
• 37:03
  Speaker 4: makes me angry at the same time to think that
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: you have been through all of that and then you
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: opened up to somebody let them be your care and
• 37:13
  Speaker 4: they abused that and abused you and put you in
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: a position where you were really trusting of them, which
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: obviously that's a really intimate thing to go through, Like
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: if you're caring for somebody, it's not a relationship that
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: by any stretch of the imagination I would think stretches
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: into to sexual anything. It's nope, like I'm just helping
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: her do this, like your care. And to then abuse
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: that situation in the way that yours was, how is
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: that impacting you moving forward? Because obviously you know, with
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: what you've been through, you're going to go through patches
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: where you do need some extra care and some extra support,
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: and that's probably going to play on your mind about
• 37:55
  Speaker 4: oh am I safe here, like you don't need that?
• 37:58
  Speaker 6: Yeah, that trusty, And I think for me, it's really
• 38:01
  Speaker 6: important to be aware and continually learn where those boundaries are,
• 38:06
  Speaker 6: because when I'm already sick, the last thing I need
• 38:09
  Speaker 6: is a whole heap of emotional stress on top of that,
• 38:11
  Speaker 6: because it makes the recovery so much harder. So I
• 38:15
  Speaker 6: think some of the things that have been super important
• 38:17
  Speaker 6: for me is just to learn to actually speak up
• 38:20
  Speaker 6: and that it's okay to say when I'm not comfortable,
• 38:23
  Speaker 6: and that it's okay.
• 38:24
  Speaker 5: To say no.
• 38:24
  Speaker 6: Because I know that we're in the twenty first century
• 38:28
  Speaker 6: and like feminism and all those things have made amazing progress,
• 38:31
  Speaker 6: but it is still really hard when you grow up
• 38:33
  Speaker 6: as a little girl being taught that you know, guys
• 38:35
  Speaker 6: a mean when they like to you, or like don't
• 38:37
  Speaker 6: say no, just be polite and just go with the flow,
• 38:40
  Speaker 6: and like all of these sentiments that we grow up
• 38:43
  Speaker 6: with really carry through to when you're in those situations.
• 38:46
  Speaker 6: You don't realize how much that those inform the way
• 38:48
  Speaker 6: that you act.
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: And so for me, yeah, learning to be.
• 38:51
  Speaker 6: Like actually no, it's this crosses my boundary, I'm not
• 38:54
  Speaker 6: okay with this has been really important. There's been a
• 38:57
  Speaker 6: lot of times when I've been in hospital that I've
• 39:00
  Speaker 6: said to my team, like can female doctors please look
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: after me?
• 39:05
  Speaker 5: Or like if somebody has.
• 39:06
  Speaker 6: To examine me, I would like it to only be
• 39:08
  Speaker 6: a female that's touching me, or like whatever it is.
• 39:11
  Speaker 6: They're really accommodating. They're generally very supportive. There's very few
• 39:15
  Speaker 6: people who will say no. It's just that step of
• 39:18
  Speaker 6: actually speaking up that's the hardest, and then at home,
• 39:22
  Speaker 6: because unfortunately this incident did happen in my space, and
• 39:27
  Speaker 6: in the current rental market, it's not an option to
• 39:29
  Speaker 6: just jump ship and be like, oh, I'm just gonna
• 39:31
  Speaker 6: move down the road or to another suburb, because there's
• 39:34
  Speaker 6: just no places available, especially as a student. So that's
• 39:38
  Speaker 6: been a really long process of making this a space
• 39:41
  Speaker 6: I want to be and not run away from, and
• 39:43
  Speaker 6: sort of you know, renovating it and making it somewhere
• 39:47
  Speaker 6: I want to come home to and that I feel
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: relaxed and safe, and I'm really happy that I've kind
• 39:52
  Speaker 6: of gotten to that point. But that also includes who
• 39:55
  Speaker 6: you let into your space, and so I'm very selective
• 39:59
  Speaker 6: about who I let into my home and into that
• 40:02
  Speaker 6: safe zone because.
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: For me, I need to keep it safe.
• 40:05
  Speaker 6: It needs to be this place that I can come
• 40:07
  Speaker 6: back to and just take a to eat breath and
• 40:10
  Speaker 6: kind of not have to be on such hilot and
• 40:14
  Speaker 6: not have to be on guard all time and just
• 40:16
  Speaker 6: let myself relax.
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: A little bit.
• 40:19
  Speaker 6: So, yeah, it definitely breaks that trust, and I think
• 40:21
  Speaker 6: that is the hardest thing to rebuild, and it's also
• 40:25
  Speaker 6: the scariest thing to rebuild because as I've learned you
• 40:28
  Speaker 6: never know, like it's not some big, bad stranger that
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: does this to people more often than not. In fact,
• 40:37
  Speaker 6: it's actually about eighty two percent of these situations that
• 40:41
  Speaker 6: it's somebody that is closely connected with you. And that
• 40:45
  Speaker 6: figure is it should shock people because that's like people
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: that we trust and that we know. And I'm not
• 40:51
  Speaker 6: trying to put fear into everybody's hearts, but I'm just
• 40:54
  Speaker 6: trying to bring home how easily these situations happen, and
• 40:56
  Speaker 6: that people don't go out there looking for trouble, don't
• 41:00
  Speaker 6: go out there and like put ourselves in positions that
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: warrants this happening. Ever, it's just the fact is this
• 41:07
  Speaker 6: does happen, and it does happen close to home.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: And it happened in a position where you were trusting
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: that person as well, Like it's an abusive power and
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: abusive trust, and there's absolutely no rhyme, no reason for
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: that to have happened. It's a thousand percent on him,
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: Like you could have done anything in the entire world
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: and it still would have been one thousand percent on him.
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: But that came from you just trying to do the
• 41:31
  Speaker 4: right thing for a friend, like drunk friend called you
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: and you're like, yeah, no problems, I'll pick you up.
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: I want you to be safe, and they didn't extend
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: you that same opportunity, and that that breaks my heart
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: to think that you were in such a caring kind mentality,
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: like you drove to the city to pick up drunk friends,
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: like you know what when I'm not drunk, Like I
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: can't put up with drunk people. Like that's the thing
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: that you go, all right, you know what, I'll pick
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: them up because like they're my mates and I just
• 41:57
  Speaker 4: want them to be safe. And then for that to happen, oh,
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: Like that's such an abuse of power and such an
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: awful thing to have gone through that it really makes
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: you go, is everybody like that?
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: Am I just? Am I too nice? And it's not.
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: It's not. It absolutely isn't and it was never your fault.
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: But to think that he just walked away and it's
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: all good for him, like that's disgusting.
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 42:23
  Speaker 6: I think that something that's been really important for me
• 42:26
  Speaker 6: to understand is that because obviously now there is that
• 42:30
  Speaker 6: fear and it's like, well, is everybody bad? Is everybody
• 42:34
  Speaker 6: capable of doing this? And I think about it like
• 42:37
  Speaker 6: if I had a bag of Maltesers, right, and I
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: told you that one of those maltesers was made of
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: dog poo. That doesn't mean that all of them are
• 42:44
  Speaker 6: made of dog poop, but you're going to be weary
• 42:46
  Speaker 6: and you're going to be slightly scared of all of
• 42:48
  Speaker 6: them just in case that's the one.
• 42:49
  Speaker 4: Right, I'm not going to mean any mald Teesers if
• 42:52
  Speaker 4: you offer it to me. Heck no, exactly.
• 42:54
  Speaker 6: So for me it's been this like, Okay, not all men.
• 42:58
  Speaker 6: I'm not trying to be on here.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: Absolutely not not all men. But like if you tell
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: me one of them's dog poo, I'm sure it's hell
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: gonna be wary of all of this exactly.
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: And that's I think what has been important for me
• 43:11
  Speaker 6: to try and explain to people, because I'm like, there
• 43:14
  Speaker 6: is a fear there, there is this hesitancy there, and
• 43:17
  Speaker 6: it's there for a reason.
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: It's not made up, and it's not because we hate you.
• 43:20
  Speaker 6: It's just because unfortunately this happens, and it comes more
• 43:25
  Speaker 6: often than not from a male figure in.
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: Somebody's life, and as a result, we don't know who
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: to trust.
• 43:32
  Speaker 6: Absolutely, and really big step for me was actually being
• 43:37
  Speaker 6: invited back.
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: After sharing my story with one.
• 43:39
  Speaker 6: Of my old teachers from high school, she invited me
• 43:42
  Speaker 6: back to my old high school to give a seminar
• 43:45
  Speaker 6: on consent and what that actually means.
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: Oh, I mean all of everything. You do, like to
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: think this happened like less than twelve months ago, and
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: you're like, not having it like that often takes people years.
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: And that's fine, it takes you.
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: Oh no, no, no, it's not a good or a
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: bad thing. It is what it is. I'm just so
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: impressed that you've gone through this and you're like, nope,
• 44:07
  Speaker 4: straight straight out the gates, Like, this isn't going to
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: happen to anybody else because of your caring nature. You're
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: literally that person happened because you cared, and now you're
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: caring about everybody else so that doesn't happen to them.
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: Well, that's exactly that.
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: All I can hope for, right is that somebody else
• 44:23
  Speaker 6: doesn't have to live through this. And for me, presenting
• 44:25
  Speaker 6: on that day to five hundred students was like literally terrifying.
• 44:29
  Speaker 5: I wanted to pee my hat.
• 44:30
  Speaker 6: It's not gonna lie to you, but I was like,
• 44:32
  Speaker 6: if one person in this audience doesn't have to live
• 44:36
  Speaker 6: what I've lived through.
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: This will totally be worth it.
• 44:38
  Speaker 6: Because we don't learn about consent at school, like or
• 44:42
  Speaker 6: I didn't.
• 44:42
  Speaker 4: I don't know about you, guys, but I did.
• 44:44
  Speaker 6: It was just this case of like sex ed by
• 44:48
  Speaker 6: the way, don't get pregnant.
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: That was it, Like that was sex ed.
• 44:51
  Speaker 6: Like there was forty five minutes in my entire high
• 44:54
  Speaker 6: school time, and it was such an underused space. So
• 44:58
  Speaker 6: to be able to come into that space and really
• 45:00
  Speaker 6: speak into it and go like, guys, this is what
• 45:02
  Speaker 6: NO looks like, this is what NO sounds like. It
• 45:05
  Speaker 6: might not be necessarily a verbal thing, it might be
• 45:07
  Speaker 6: a physical thing. You need to be aware of that,
• 45:10
  Speaker 6: and you need to know the consequences if you don't listen,
• 45:14
  Speaker 6: and what that conversation looks like. And just being able
• 45:17
  Speaker 6: to really open people's eyes to that. The response from
• 45:20
  Speaker 6: students was so encouraging. I was like, Wow, they were
• 45:23
  Speaker 6: all really engaged, really asking questions, wanting to understand and
• 45:27
  Speaker 6: do the right thing, and I was happy for that,
• 45:30
  Speaker 6: but it also just made me so aware of how
• 45:34
  Speaker 6: poorly this.
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: Concept is understood.
• 45:36
  Speaker 6: And I'm not saying that this is an excuse, but
• 45:39
  Speaker 6: it's no wonder we're seeing so many of these situations
• 45:41
  Speaker 6: because we're not teaching people how to actually ask consent
• 45:45
  Speaker 6: or like make.
• 45:46
  Speaker 5: Sure that they've got it. Yeah, so yeah, I think that's.
• 45:49
  Speaker 6: A space that I'm really excited to work more in
• 45:51
  Speaker 6: the future as well, because it's something obviously that's close
• 45:55
  Speaker 6: to my heart and that I can understand what it's
• 45:57
  Speaker 6: like to not be offered this sort of courtesy of
• 46:02
  Speaker 6: asking for consent. But like, yeah, it's also just something
• 46:06
  Speaker 6: that has the power to change people's lives. It's such
• 46:08
  Speaker 6: a simple thing, but if you skip it and you
• 46:10
  Speaker 6: just don't care, it has enormous consequences. So yes, sorry,
• 46:15
  Speaker 6: off the track from money, I know, but it is
• 46:18
  Speaker 6: something that I think is really important.
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: I couldn't agree with you more so. The next question
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: I have for you is, as you said, this happens
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: more often than any of us would like to think
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: it does. But that's the reality of unfortunately the world.
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: And you come across as this strong, confident woman who
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: I know you know, that's my perception. That doesn't mean
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: that in those moments you felt that in any way,
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: shape or form. But can we talk a bit about process.
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: So this happened, the incident occurred, What next, What do
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: we do if we're in that situation? Because I, in
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: all honesty, if that happened to me, I wouldn't have
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: a clue. No one's ever said to me, Okay, this
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: is what you need to do after that happens.
• 47:02
  Speaker 5: Absolutely. Look, I'm only twenty one.
• 47:06
  Speaker 6: I have had to learn all of this myself, and
• 47:09
  Speaker 6: I wish that somebody had given me the rundown and
• 47:12
  Speaker 6: been like, look, sometimes relationships or sex doesn't go the
• 47:16
  Speaker 6: way that we want it to.
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: Here's what happens. Here's what to do. So maybe this
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: is like that for somebody. I don't know, but I
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: guess the most important thing I can say is please
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: go and get help.
• 47:28
  Speaker 6: If you're not ready to get psychological help, at least
• 47:32
  Speaker 6: do yourself the favor of going to get medical help.
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: After this happens. I overshare.
• 47:38
  Speaker 6: I had to get stitches, I had to get you know,
• 47:41
  Speaker 6: patched up in a big way. And if I hadn't
• 47:44
  Speaker 6: gone and gotten help, I could have been living with
• 47:46
  Speaker 6: a lot worse you know, physical consequences. And it was
• 47:50
  Speaker 6: terrifying to go to the hospital and have to admit,
• 47:53
  Speaker 6: of course, but it's worth it, and the staff are
• 47:55
  Speaker 6: so sympathetic and they are so gentle with you, and
• 47:59
  Speaker 6: they really are respectful.
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: So please don't be afraid.
• 48:02
  Speaker 6: Nurses understand what to do in these situations and they're
• 48:05
  Speaker 6: really good about it.
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: At least that's been my experience. So go and get medical.
• 48:09
  Speaker 6: Help and make sure that you are getting tests for
• 48:12
  Speaker 6: STDs or whatever it might be, so that you are
• 48:16
  Speaker 6: covering all your bases for the future. Go and get
• 48:18
  Speaker 6: a pregnancy test if that is, you know, applicable, and
• 48:22
  Speaker 6: just make sure that you're safe. The next thing is
• 48:25
  Speaker 6: to surround yourself with people that love you and will
• 48:28
  Speaker 6: support you no matter what. You don't need a single
• 48:31
  Speaker 6: person in your life that's going to make you feel
• 48:33
  Speaker 6: guilty for what's happened. And you don't need a single
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: person in your life that's going to blame you for
• 48:38
  Speaker 6: being in that situation.
• 48:40
  Speaker 5: So please don't be afraid to cut off contact.
• 48:42
  Speaker 6: With people, because as a people pleaser or recovering people pleaser,
• 48:46
  Speaker 6: it's really.
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: Hard to just be like, actually, no, I don't have.
• 48:50
  Speaker 6: Time to catch up with you because I just leave
• 48:53
  Speaker 6: that feeling drained and worse about myself.
• 48:55
  Speaker 5: It's not useful for my recovery at all.
• 48:58
  Speaker 6: So that was like a real vision process of my
• 49:01
  Speaker 6: support group and my friendship group. Not to say that
• 49:04
  Speaker 6: those people are bad, they're just not people that I
• 49:05
  Speaker 6: needed in my space at that time. So surround yourself
• 49:09
  Speaker 6: with people that are going to love and support you
• 49:11
  Speaker 6: and sort of push you in the right direction and
• 49:13
  Speaker 6: be there for the days that you can't get up
• 49:14
  Speaker 6: and do it yourself, and who are also responsive and
• 49:18
  Speaker 6: understanding when you're out in public and something triggers you,
• 49:22
  Speaker 6: that they don't get upset with you, but they understand
• 49:24
  Speaker 6: what's happening, and that you don't have to tell them
• 49:27
  Speaker 6: all the details, but at least let them know that
• 49:30
  Speaker 6: it could happen, so that they're prepared a little bit
• 49:32
  Speaker 6: and can help you when that panic sets in and
• 49:35
  Speaker 6: you don't know how.
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: To help yourself.
• 49:37
  Speaker 6: And then, obviously I'm going to say this to everybody,
• 49:39
  Speaker 6: is when you're ready, go and speak to somebody, Go and.
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: Get professional help.
• 49:44
  Speaker 6: There's lots of free help lines, there's lots of services accessible.
• 49:48
  Speaker 6: If you don't have the money to pay for a psychologist,
• 49:51
  Speaker 6: or you don't want to leave the.
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: House like, there are so many services out there.
• 49:56
  Speaker 6: You just have to make that initial contact, and I
• 49:59
  Speaker 6: know that's the hardest part, but there is nothing else
• 50:03
  Speaker 6: that will help you work through that stuff, like having
• 50:06
  Speaker 6: professional help, just giving you that framework for how to
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: deal with your thoughts and those sort of that advice
• 50:12
  Speaker 6: for when that panic sets in and when those moments
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: really take you back to that situation, how do you
• 50:19
  Speaker 6: bring yourself back to the present and how do you
• 50:21
  Speaker 6: calm yourself down in a productive way so that you
• 50:23
  Speaker 6: can continue living your life. It's not about getting over it.
• 50:28
  Speaker 6: It's about moving.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: Forwards and working through it and not underestimating how important
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: it can be to have those tools when all you
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: want to do is not think about it, like you said,
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: but bring yourself back and go, Okay, I have the
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: tools to work through this. And as you said, I
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: mean it's not going to be easy. Working through any
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: trauma isn't easy. But having that trust in yourself and
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: having the circle of people around you that you know
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: that you can trust and that will be sympathetic to you,
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: whether they know what you've been through or not, just
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: knowing that that care is there. I just can't imagine
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: going through this without other people around you that you
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: can trust.
• 51:05
  Speaker 6: And you know what, you don't have to do this alone.
• 51:08
  Speaker 6: I thought I did for the first few months because
• 51:10
  Speaker 6: I was so ashamed of myself and I was so
• 51:13
  Speaker 6: in this cycle of blaming myself and feeling guilty. And
• 51:17
  Speaker 6: when I realized that actually, I don't have to do
• 51:20
  Speaker 6: this alone and it's not up to.
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: Me to take the blame for this, absolutely not, that
• 51:25
  Speaker 5: was like the most.
• 51:27
  Speaker 6: Freeing part of the whole recovery was just this like
• 51:30
  Speaker 6: sigh of relief, like, Oh, I don't have to hold
• 51:33
  Speaker 6: it all together all the time, and I don't have
• 51:36
  Speaker 6: to pretend like I'm.
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: Not dealing with these things because I am. And they
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: are messy and they are hard and it's okay.
• 51:43
  Speaker 6: And I know that I'm anonymous on this podcast, but
• 51:46
  Speaker 6: you know, I wish I could say, just send me
• 51:47
  Speaker 6: a message on Instagram.
• 51:48
  Speaker 5: I'm there for you, Like I've been there.
• 51:51
  Speaker 6: I know what it's like, and anyone who knows me
• 51:53
  Speaker 6: knows that they can reach out and ask me about it,
• 51:56
  Speaker 6: and they their friends of friends have message been and
• 51:58
  Speaker 6: be like, look, I've been in this situation.
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: Can you give me tips for this or like, what
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: did you do in this stage?
• 52:03
  Speaker 6: And that's been such a privilege to be able to
• 52:06
  Speaker 6: be in people's stories like that because of that shared experience.
• 52:10
  Speaker 6: So yeah, I guess it is important to know that
• 52:13
  Speaker 6: you don't have to be on your own if you
• 52:15
  Speaker 6: want to be I understand that. I know that those
• 52:17
  Speaker 6: feelings make you want to.
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: Just shut yourself off.
• 52:20
  Speaker 6: But the best thing you can do for yourself is
• 52:23
  Speaker 6: work past that.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: Be aware that.
• 52:25
  Speaker 6: Those feelings are there, but just go, hey, I'm actually
• 52:27
  Speaker 6: going to get help anyway, and I'm going to tell
• 52:29
  Speaker 6: a friend anyway, and I'm going to you know, pick
• 52:31
  Speaker 6: up the phone when I'm feeling really down instead of
• 52:33
  Speaker 6: just sitting by myself. And yeah, taking those steps to
• 52:37
  Speaker 6: really open up to where you're comfortable.
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: Because at the end of the day, what you're talking about,
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: it's trauma. Yeape is trauma. Like regardless of whether you say,
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: oh I'm fine, like you're not. You went through a
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: significant trauma and at one point or another that's going
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: to resurface and we need to deal with it. So
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: regardless of whether you are feeling like you want to
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: do it, you're like for on your own for a
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: little bit, that's okay. Like we all need our own
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: space and we all deal with things very differently. But
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: if you have been through a trauma, you need to
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: get some help for that. And even if it's just
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: a few sessions with a psychologist and you're really good
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: with it and it's okay. Knowing that you're okay and
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: having been given a few tools and resources that maybe
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: if something does come up again, like you can deal
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: with it, or you didn't realize how it was actually
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: impacting you, like you need to speak to someone regardless.
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: The next question, And I know that this is a
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: bit of a long money diary, but I just feel
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: like it's such a powerful one. The ramifications from this
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: incident for you have been insane, Like it is so
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: unfair that you have been through all of this and
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: then you know you have to go therapy, you've had
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: to go to the hospital, you've been in a wheelchair
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: for six months. What were the ramifications for the person
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: who did this to you?
• 53:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a really great question. I ask myself that
• 53:55
  Speaker 5: all the time.
• 53:56
  Speaker 6: Look in my situation, we see added complexity of being
• 54:02
  Speaker 6: part of the family and you know, having that connection.
• 54:06
  Speaker 6: I really struggled over the decision of whether or not
• 54:08
  Speaker 6: to formally report. I know that that's something that a
• 54:11
  Speaker 6: lot of people wrestle with because it's not an easy
• 54:14
  Speaker 6: choice to make, even if you don't know them, You're
• 54:16
  Speaker 6: potentially going to have to talk about the incident publicly
• 54:19
  Speaker 6: in front of police and courts and drag it up
• 54:22
  Speaker 6: for yourself again and again. And for some people that's
• 54:24
  Speaker 6: what they want, and I respect that one hundred percent and.
• 54:27
  Speaker 5: I admire them.
• 54:29
  Speaker 6: For me, though I couldn't bring myself to do that,
• 54:33
  Speaker 6: I was like, I just knowing that the outcome was
• 54:37
  Speaker 6: so unlikely to be in my favor because only three
• 54:40
  Speaker 6: percent of these situations end up in a conviction. For me,
• 54:44
  Speaker 6: it was like, that's not actually what's useful for my recovery.
• 54:47
  Speaker 6: And I'm aware that for some people it feels like
• 54:52
  Speaker 6: I'm letting that person get off scotfree.
• 54:55
  Speaker 5: I'm not. I actually confronted them about it a few
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: months ago and was like, I sat across from them,
• 55:01
  Speaker 5: which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do,
• 55:03
  Speaker 5: and I wrote them a letter and.
• 55:04
  Speaker 6: I just read it to them and I said, I
• 55:06
  Speaker 6: need you to understand exactly what your actions have meant
• 55:09
  Speaker 6: for somebody else's life, and your family's life, and my
• 55:11
  Speaker 6: family's life, because this is not just between you and me,
• 55:14
  Speaker 6: this is so much.
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: Bigger than that. And for you it may have been.
• 55:17
  Speaker 6: Another Saturday, but for me, this has affected everything. You know,
• 55:22
  Speaker 6: you just went to work the next day and carried on.
• 55:24
  Speaker 6: I lost all my money, I lost my ability to
• 55:26
  Speaker 6: support myself, my ability to look after myself, I lost
• 55:30
  Speaker 6: my faith in people. Like there's so many things beyond
• 55:33
  Speaker 6: just that night. So we went down the more like
• 55:39
  Speaker 6: rehab route than the professional like reporting route. And I
• 55:46
  Speaker 6: don't have any problem with what people decide.
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: I think it's totally up to you. But yeah, it was.
• 55:53
  Speaker 6: It was a hard decision to come to, especially when
• 55:56
  Speaker 6: those feelings are there, like you just you want to
• 55:59
  Speaker 6: see it's not even about revenge, it's just wanting to
• 56:01
  Speaker 6: see them acknowledge and understand what they've done, because when
• 56:05
  Speaker 6: you know them as well, it's like you're going to
• 56:07
  Speaker 6: see them in the future. Like Perth is not that
• 56:10
  Speaker 6: big of a place. I'm going to see him in
• 56:12
  Speaker 6: the future, and I have to live with that. But yeah,
• 56:16
  Speaker 6: to really get to a point where you can be
• 56:18
  Speaker 6: comfortable with the decision that you've made, I'm still working
• 56:20
  Speaker 6: towards that.
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: I will be honest, Yeah.
• 56:23
  Speaker 6: Because yeah, it does feel like you want consequences for
• 56:25
  Speaker 6: that person. You want them to sort of experience what
• 56:29
  Speaker 6: you've experienced, but that's never going to happen. Unfortunately, they
• 56:33
  Speaker 6: have no concept of what you've been through, and that's
• 56:35
  Speaker 6: the most frustrating part.
• 56:37
  Speaker 5: I think.
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and extending your emotional energy into somebody else that
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: you have lost all of your respect for is another
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: hard thing when you are so depleted and you're thinking, Okay,
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: I'm running on one percent emotional energy currently. Do I
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: want to give this person my one percent? Or am
• 56:57
  Speaker 3: I going to hang on to that one percent and
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: hope it cans and hope that I get that back,
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: and you know, that lust for life back and that
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: enjoyment and that trust for other people.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: And like you said, I.
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: Can only imagine how difficult that decision was for you
• 57:12
  Speaker 3: to come to. But I respect obviously your choice, and
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: I really hope that that's worked for you, and that
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: you said you're still working towards like that kind of
• 57:22
  Speaker 3: coming to terms with everything.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: But I really really.
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: Hope that that's coming soon, because, like Victoria said before,
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: for you to be able to speak to this so
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: eloquently and share your story and how it's impacted you,
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: and everybody's story is different, and just thank you so
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: much for trusting us with it, because there are going
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: to be people that are listening that have never had
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: the confidence or you know, that emotional energy to talk
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: about it or share with people that will have that
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: because you've.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: Done this for us.
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: So I just my heart, honestly is with you, and
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: I can't believe that this is something you've gone through.
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: But wow, like, look at what an incredible person you are.
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: It's honestly just mind blowing.
• 58:01
  Speaker 4: Look at you fly, honestly, and I couldn't agree with
• 58:05
  Speaker 4: Tony Moore. I think the important thing there is that
• 58:07
  Speaker 4: the power is in your hands, whether you decide to
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: do it the way that you're doing it, or maybe
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: one day you wake up and you go, no, I
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: do want to report this. I it infuriates me to
• 58:17
  Speaker 4: think that our system is so broken that only three
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: percent actually go through and that as a victim of
• 58:24
  Speaker 4: something like this, you're essentially fighting for your rights when
• 58:28
  Speaker 4: you shouldn't have to because they've been violated in the
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: first point. Yeah, it infuriates me, and I wish that
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: there was more that we could do around this. And
• 58:36
  Speaker 4: you know, if you're listening and you need help and
• 58:39
  Speaker 4: you just don't know where to go. We're here where
• 58:42
  Speaker 4: she's on the money, Like, We've got your back. Doesn't
• 58:44
  Speaker 4: matter if it's finance or not. I've got your back.
• 58:47
  Speaker 4: I will find the right place for you. I will
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: be that friend that listens you slide into whatever DMS
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: you want of mine, and we will make sure you
• 58:55
  Speaker 4: go to the right place. I'm not the right place, like,
• 58:57
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to be able to fix any of this.
• 58:59
  Speaker 4: But you know, a lot of people who go through this,
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: they feel like it's a burden. They feel like they
• 59:04
  Speaker 4: don't want to reach out to their friends or their
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: family and share that. Yet share it with me. It's okay.
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: I'm happy to hold that for you.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: And to be that first step.
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and be that first step, Like, I'm so happy
• 59:14
  Speaker 4: to hold that space for people if they need it,
• 59:17
  Speaker 4: because I'm just so I feel so grateful for the
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: privilege of being in the position that we're in to
• 59:23
  Speaker 4: share these stories, but also know that we have such
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: a positive impact on you know, our community and the world,
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: and that you know people like you money Dirist, I
• 59:31
  Speaker 4: want to use your name so much, you know, contribute
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: to that to help our community through situations that might
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: not just be financial, because at the end of the day,
• 59:42
  Speaker 4: everything comes back to finance, everything, regardless of whether you
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: believe it does or not. Money changes everything.
• 59:50
  Speaker 6: Yeah, when all of your values and emotions and priorities change,
• 59:54
  Speaker 6: that absolutely impacts your money.
• 59:56
  Speaker 5: I've just demonstrated that.
• 59:58
  Speaker 6: So for you guys, to have such an openness and
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 6: approachability for people to share with you, I can only
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 6: say thank you because you are doing You are opening
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 6: up the biggest space, a safe place to talk, and
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 6: that is honestly all we want as survivors. That's like
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 6: the best thing you can offer us is this openness
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 6: to hear the story and not judge and just you
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 6: know that I can't actually put towards how grateful I am.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 5: So thank you both so much.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: No, no, thank you. This stuff doesn't happen without you.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: This stuff doesn't happen without our money diarists being willing
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: to share, like they think that that's the thing with
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: money diarists. I get lots of dms like, oh, we
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: want to hear a money diary on XYZ. Sorry, Like
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to search out specific money diaries, like
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: it's who's willing to share them, and if you've got
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: a story, I would love to hear it. But Money Diarist,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: thank you for sharing your journey and being so open.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: As I said earlier, I'm just in awe of how
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: you've bounced back, and I know that everybody listening is
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: going to feel exactly the same. I'm so so proud
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: that I get to call you a community member and
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: now by an extension, a friend, like you're a friend
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: of our community, you're a friend of me, and I
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 4: just yeah, I'm just so grateful that people like you exist.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 4: Again, I just can't tell you how important it is
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 4: to share this story and how grateful I am that
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 4: you've shared it with us. It's just it blows my mind.
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 4: But hopefully this has helped at least one person that
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: is listening to this. But as always, guys, this is
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: all we have time for today. So just before we
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 4: head off, we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's, the traditional custodians
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: of the lands, the waterways and the skies all across Australia.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: We thank you for sharing and for caring for the
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 4: land on which we are able to learn. We pay
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 4: our respects to elders past and present, and we share
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: our friendship and our kindness.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: The advice shared on ses on the Money generally nature
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: and does not consider your individual circumstances. Shares on the
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: relied upon to make an investment or any financial decision.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: And we promise that Victoria Divine is an authorized representative
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN three four
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: one three two four six three two five seven AFSL
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: three three nine one five one And as everything that
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: we've talked about today is quite sensitive.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: If that's brought anything up for you at.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: All, we have put a few resources into the show
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: notes that you can have a look at. But you
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: can always call our friends at Lifeline or reach out
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: to their chat function. They're very very helpful, very special
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: humans and they can give you a bit of a
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 3: hand with anything that you might be working through.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 4: See you next week, guys.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: Buy