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High Pay vs Flexibility: What’s the Best Career Choice? · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: My name's Atasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations woman
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Speaker 1: and I'm here to acknowledge country. Te Glenn Young Ganya, Niana,
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Speaker 1: Kaka yah y and beIN ah Waka Nia and our
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Speaker 1: gay In Mbini, yak um Jar, Dominyagumika, Umaga, Ithawaka, Nile,
0:14
Speaker 1: waman damind Immlan, Wimba bang Gadaboma in and now in
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Speaker 1: Waka Ghana on yak rum Jar Water Nadaa. Hello, beautiful friends,
0:23
Speaker 1: we gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We
0:26
Speaker 1: thank icknowledge and respect the Abiginal people's land that we're
0:29
Speaker 1: gathering on today. Take pleasure in all the land and
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Speaker 1: respect all that you see. She's on the Money podcast
0:35
Speaker 1: acknowledges culture, country, community and connections, bringing you the tools,
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Speaker 1: knowledge and resources for you to thrive.
0:45
Speaker 2: She's on the Money.
0:47
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. Hello and welcome to She's on
0:52
Speaker 3: the Money the podcast, but makest Personal Fine is fun,
0:55
Speaker 3: especially on Fridays. It's our favorite day of the week
0:58
Speaker 3: because it's when we get the team together and we
1:00
Speaker 3: get to celebrate you be incredible. She's on the Money
1:02
Speaker 3: Community today. Victoria is away on maternity leave. So again
1:06
Speaker 3: it's Jesse Ricky taking the reins, joined us always by
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Speaker 3: the gorgeous back, said.
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Speaker 4: Thank you so much.
1:14
Speaker 3: Sorry, of course you are so welcome. Today don't stress
1:18
Speaker 3: because I will still be sharing my favorite community money.
1:21
Speaker 3: Wins Beck will of course be sharing her best broke tips.
1:24
Speaker 3: And this Sunday it is International Women's Day and the
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Speaker 3: theme this year is balance the scales or something that
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Speaker 3: we are definitely all about here. She's on the money,
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Speaker 3: so we've picked some community dilemmas to answer that kind
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Speaker 3: of fit within this theme. First, you'll be helping to
1:38
Speaker 3: answer a money dilemma that asked the question is a
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Speaker 3: better salary and paid maternity leave worth the payoff for
1:44
Speaker 3: zero flexibility when you have kids? And a DM that
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Speaker 3: asks the really tough question, what do you do when
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Speaker 3: you think you're seeing financial control in a friends relationship
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Speaker 3: from the outside. That's a tough one.
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Speaker 4: That's tough. That sounds like it's going to be good though,
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Speaker 4: I have to say about that absolutely. But before we
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Speaker 4: get into it, should we start the show with some
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Speaker 4: five star love.
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Speaker 3: Oh? I think that's the perfect way to start Gorgeous
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Speaker 3: and this week I've got a five star review from Belinda,
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Speaker 3: who said this pod is life changing. I discovered she's
2:14
Speaker 3: on the money after becoming a single mum and taking
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Speaker 3: on a mortgage by myself while working full time and
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Speaker 3: raising my very young children. The thought of being financially
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Speaker 3: responsible for everything was overwhelming, to say the very least,
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Speaker 3: and I knew nothing about investing. Victoria has been the
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Speaker 3: angel on my shoulder as I emerged from financial survival mode,
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Speaker 3: and I now have a very clear budget and almost
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Speaker 3: fifty thousand dollars invested so far from my family's future.
2:39
Speaker 3: Thank you, she's on the money team. My god, that
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Speaker 3: is so cool. Well, good on you. Yeah, it's incredible.
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Speaker 3: You should be so proud of yourself, Blenda. It's really
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Speaker 3: tough out there, totally the single mums, and you know,
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Speaker 3: even just keeping your head above water yea is more
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Speaker 3: than enough. But it sounds like you are absolutely kicking goal.
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Speaker 4: So arriving.
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Speaker 3: We couldn't be proud of So proud of you.
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Speaker 4: I think we should move into the Question of the week,
3:01
Speaker 4: which is my favorite part.
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Speaker 3: I agree, I love this part.
3:05
Speaker 4: It's time for that part of Friday Drinks where you
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Speaker 4: get to ask us one question of dying to know
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Speaker 4: it can be about literally anything. So this week's question
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Speaker 4: comes from Nicole, who wants to know what is your
3:15
Speaker 4: best party trick.
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Speaker 3: I don't have an answer to this one.
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Speaker 4: You go for ventriloquism. I'm really, really, really good at ventriloquism,
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Speaker 4: and I can.
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Speaker 3: See the puppet. Sometimes I woul just take my sock off.
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Speaker 5: And use that.
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Speaker 4: I don't have a puppet, though I really should get
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Speaker 4: I should invest in a puppet. I'm shocked by how
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Speaker 4: little people are impressed.
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Speaker 3: I'm very impressed. The water bottled talk right now, this
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Speaker 3: water bottle.
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Speaker 4: Sorry, if anyone listening to this water bottle right in
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Speaker 4: front of us, Okay, I need you to ask me.
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Speaker 3: A questions, mister water bottle. How is your debt?
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Speaker 1: Hey?
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Speaker 4: Good?
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Speaker 3: Thanks, that's actually quite good. They're good. Someone's going to
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Speaker 3: have to need to go to social subwhare we'll put
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Speaker 3: it somewhere. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I did
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Speaker 3: not a twitch in the muscle anyway. That's so interesting.
4:02
Speaker 3: I never would have guessed that about you. I hope
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Speaker 3: you're impressed. I am very impressed. I'm more impressed by
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Speaker 3: and let's impressed. Maybe I actually don't think I have
4:09
Speaker 3: a party trick. I dare say that's not true. I
4:12
Speaker 3: can't care. I mean, can you flip your tongue or anything? No,
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Speaker 3: I can't do any of those things. You know, a
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Speaker 3: magic trick, I don't do. I'm a sucker for a
4:20
Speaker 3: magic trick. So someone comes up to me on the
4:22
Speaker 3: street and says, you want to see a magic trick,
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Speaker 3: I say, aps frecolutely. That's going to get me every
4:26
Speaker 3: time I tell you that right now? Absolutely, yeah, No,
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Speaker 3: I fear. I'm just the cheerleader. Somebody is doing something
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Speaker 3: cool somewhere, and I'm going that's at trick. Yeah, that's
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Speaker 3: the last trick. I'm so sorry. If everybody else has
4:41
Speaker 3: a fun party trick, we'd love to hear it. Leave
4:42
Speaker 3: us a little comment on Spotify, and if you've got
4:44
Speaker 3: a question that you want to ask us, leave it
4:46
Speaker 3: in the comments. If it is only on Spotify, we're
4:48
Speaker 3: hoping Apple podcasts will get around it. People sometimes ask
4:51
Speaker 3: us where do we put these things? When you're asking
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Speaker 3: us questions, Spotify is the place.
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Speaker 4: To be speaking of do you have any money?
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Speaker 3: Tips? Money segue you I said it wrong though it's
5:02
Speaker 3: money wins.
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Speaker 4: I'm so sorry.
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Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. Was smooth and nobody would have noticed.
5:06
Speaker 3: And I absolutely do have some for you. Firstly, I
5:09
Speaker 3: do have a very good tip from Lyndall, who said
5:11
Speaker 3: she asked her partner to go through his subscriptions because
5:14
Speaker 3: she was rejouggling the finances. Turns out he was paying
5:17
Speaker 3: for two Amazon Prime accounts, one in the US and
5:20
Speaker 3: one here. I have done this before. It's like you
5:23
Speaker 3: can shop on the Amazon US website, especially I think
5:26
Speaker 3: I didn't want to setting up my kindle or something,
5:28
Speaker 3: and so you can find yourself with two separate accounts.
5:31
Speaker 3: And if you've got Prime on both of those accounts,
5:33
Speaker 3: like Lindall's partner was, you'll be paying double Oh cheeky.
5:37
Speaker 3: I don't like that. No, so she sent off an
5:39
Speaker 3: email and he got back one hundred and seventy dollars
5:41
Speaker 3: ish because of how long they've been paying it for.
5:43
Speaker 3: Oh that's so good, very good. So just double check
5:46
Speaker 3: this way, we say review what's going out, because if
5:49
Speaker 3: you're doubling up, you might not even know totally. Next,
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Speaker 3: I've got a money win from Meghan, who said she
5:53
Speaker 3: put an offering on an apartment a few days ago,
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Speaker 3: and after a bit of negotiating, they have finally accepted
6:00
Speaker 3: four years of trying to get into the market on
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Speaker 3: her own, she can officially say that she's a homoner.
6:05
Speaker 3: Oh my gongratulations. That's such a good feeling.
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Speaker 4: It really is so huge congratulations, It's so exciting.
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Speaker 3: It's so epic. Equally exciting. I've got one from Monique
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Speaker 3: who said she quit her toxic job that she was
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Speaker 3: unappreciated in because she can make money without dealing with
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Speaker 3: that decided she was worth more than putting herself in
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Speaker 3: that situation for a check. Nice and I couldn't agree. More.
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Speaker 3: Big snaps for you, Monique. That's amazing, amazing. Then it
6:31
Speaker 3: pains me to say this. I've got a win from
6:33
Speaker 3: Productive Chipmunk three to three nine. And guys, this is
6:36
Speaker 3: a little PSA because I used to run the Facebook group.
6:38
Speaker 3: I don't do any more. Chara does it. She's wonderful.
6:40
Speaker 3: We have anonymous posting turned off because we believe that
6:43
Speaker 3: if we want to create open conversations about finances, anonymous
6:46
Speaker 3: posting is on an option. However, Facebook has changed the
6:49
Speaker 3: rules so that people can comment with nicknames. I see
6:53
Speaker 3: we can't turn that off, much to my chagrin, and
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Speaker 3: I really don't like it because I don't know why
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Speaker 3: people are feeling the need to put their comments, especially
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Speaker 3: on a Money Wins threat. I can understand sometimes something
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Speaker 3: is sensitive and you might be a little bit self conscious.
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Speaker 3: Sure the productive Chipmunk three to three min. I am saying,
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Speaker 3: I got a twenty four K bonus last week, and
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Speaker 3: I think, girl, put your name behind that.
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Speaker 1: Absolutely.
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Speaker 3: So I'm drawing a line in the sand everybody, because
7:16
Speaker 3: I really don't like the nicknames, because I want to
7:18
Speaker 3: be able to celebrate you. I will no longer be
7:20
Speaker 3: reading money Wins, but don't have a name attached to them.
7:24
Speaker 5: I've put down.
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Speaker 3: I can't do it because I'm scrolling and I'm scrolling
7:27
Speaker 3: and I'm scrolling. And one of my favorite parts about
7:29
Speaker 3: this is we recognize a lot of your names, especially
7:32
Speaker 3: the people who comment and interact a lot like I
7:34
Speaker 3: feel like I know you, and so when you're hidden
7:37
Speaker 3: behind this nickname, I feel really detached. It's very uncle.
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Speaker 3: I don't know you, but I understand this is my
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Speaker 3: boundary that I must set, and so going forth, yes,
7:48
Speaker 3: no more nicknames. I mean you can post with one,
7:50
Speaker 3: but I will not be reading. So do with that
7:53
Speaker 3: information what you were Wow twenty twenty six. You is
7:56
Speaker 3: so like I like her, Thank you.
7:59
Speaker 2: I like her.
8:00
Speaker 3: You knew me truly. And then lastly this week, I've
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Speaker 3: got a money in from Flick who said money in
8:05
Speaker 3: pet stock after dark sale. I got my dog food
8:08
Speaker 3: for twenty percent off, stacked it with twenty five percent
8:10
Speaker 3: cash back or from top cash back, and I spent
8:13
Speaker 3: more than I planned on the road launch, So a
8:16
Speaker 3: little money lost, but I'm kind of balancing it out
8:18
Speaker 3: with the saving on pet food gorgeous. I'm going to say,
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Speaker 3: you came out in the wash. Absolutely, it all comes
8:23
Speaker 3: out of the wash, and I really want to road
8:24
Speaker 3: pep tad lip treatment. I'm resisting the it for me
8:29
Speaker 3: this week. If you've got some broke tips maybe around
8:31
Speaker 3: me now.
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Speaker 4: I do, And I just want to say, if you
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Speaker 4: do have a nickname, I will read it, but I
8:37
Speaker 4: am supporting your course.
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Speaker 3: Thank you.
8:41
Speaker 4: This is the other thing I'm worried about is that
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Speaker 4: some people's names sound like nicknames and you never know.
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Speaker 4: You never know which one's do you know?
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Speaker 3: Because they give them a silly little animal cartoon for
8:48
Speaker 3: their true as well from a mile away snip it out. Okay,
8:53
Speaker 3: you've been cheeky.
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Speaker 2: Okay.
8:56
Speaker 3: So my brogue tips for this week.
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Speaker 4: First one comes from Amanda, who says, I called my
9:00
Speaker 4: car insurance I'm on maternity leave now. I lowered my
9:03
Speaker 4: annual kilometers and updated the policy to not include travel
9:07
Speaker 4: to work. Save two hundred dollars on my annual premium. Gorgeous.
9:12
Speaker 4: And then the next one comes from Kate, who says,
9:14
Speaker 4: there are so many good TV shows and movies on
9:16
Speaker 4: the free streaming platforms SBS on Demand and ABC iView.
9:20
Speaker 4: I can not agree more. We haven't had a streaming
9:22
Speaker 4: service for ages and tend to only now get them
9:25
Speaker 4: when we get offered a deal so we can watch
9:27
Speaker 4: specific shows. That's a great idea. Yeah, And isn't there
9:30
Speaker 4: like seven plus and nine now?
9:32
Speaker 5: Wow?
9:32
Speaker 3: I think you might get ads on those so fine?
9:35
Speaker 3: I mean they're free.
9:36
Speaker 4: Honestly, I love an AD because it gives me time
9:39
Speaker 4: to like recoup, sometimes I haven't, like I'm desperate to
9:42
Speaker 4: chat and then an AD comes on and you can
9:45
Speaker 4: let it all out. This is my moment, This is
9:46
Speaker 4: my moment, So I don't hate an ad. Also, nine
9:49
Speaker 4: now have a really great series it's called Evil Lives Here.
9:52
Speaker 4: I was obsessed with this show. It's like a docu series.
9:55
Speaker 4: None of them are like linked, so you can just
9:57
Speaker 4: go in and watch any random one.
9:58
Speaker 3: But it's on nine now.
9:59
Speaker 4: Also some YouTube free shows on there that you randomly
10:03
Speaker 4: will find.
10:04
Speaker 3: So I think I still love a boot leg. You know,
10:06
Speaker 3: back in the day when we couldn't watch things from America,
10:08
Speaker 3: I used watch like Dallas Cowboys Chilliders making the team
10:10
Speaker 3: in like fifteen parts on YouTube, like four minutes a clip. Yes, yes, yes,
10:16
Speaker 3: so I think bring that back.
10:17
Speaker 4: There's also a streamio which is like really it is
10:19
Speaker 4: a bit bootleg, and you can sometimes see people laughing
10:21
Speaker 4: in the audience of.
10:22
Speaker 3: The movie, which I think is great. It feels like
10:24
Speaker 3: you're in the movie's exactly you need chewing.
10:30
Speaker 4: So I think, very honestly, you don't need to be
10:31
Speaker 4: paying for subscriptions. That's a great tip. Okay, So my
10:34
Speaker 4: one because I have quit my job. As some of
10:36
Speaker 4: you may know, I am jobless, so recently I've been
10:41
Speaker 4: just getting random shifts hospitality shifts. There's an app called
10:44
Speaker 4: sup supp and there is one, I guess like category
10:49
Speaker 4: where you can just get like one off shifts and
10:51
Speaker 4: another one where you can get more permanent shifts, and
10:53
Speaker 4: so I picked up a kitchen hand shift, picked up
10:55
Speaker 4: a brister shift. I'm just like picking up all these
10:58
Speaker 4: random one off shifts every now and then, which I
11:00
Speaker 4: like because I don't really want to be in a
11:01
Speaker 4: hospitle again, only because it's like, there's no greater feeling
11:04
Speaker 4: than like being sticky and dirty after a long day
11:08
Speaker 4: and then going home your back's a bit sore. It's
11:10
Speaker 4: such a nice feeling, but I do get really sore,
11:12
Speaker 4: so I'm like, I don't know if I could do
11:14
Speaker 4: it anymore. So it is just temporary, but it is
11:16
Speaker 4: nice knowing like I go into a place, I meet everyone,
11:19
Speaker 4: we have a great time. There's no expectations, no one's
11:21
Speaker 4: watching me because I'll never be here again.
11:24
Speaker 3: It's just a one off.
11:25
Speaker 4: And then they'll tell you how much you're gonna get paid,
11:27
Speaker 4: they'll tell you the hours, they tell you the al right,
11:29
Speaker 4: you don't have to be like calculating it or wondering,
11:32
Speaker 4: and then you just pick up all these shifts. You
11:34
Speaker 4: chuck it in the calendar, you go to them, you
11:36
Speaker 4: make some money. That's all I'm saying. It's incredible.
11:38
Speaker 5: I love that.
11:38
Speaker 3: That's such a good concept. It's so good. It's given
11:41
Speaker 3: me a float right now, tell you what. Yeah, if
11:42
Speaker 3: anyone's got to drop back you let us know. Yes literal,
11:45
Speaker 3: she's lovely and very employable and absolutely the personality high.
11:48
Speaker 4: That is so sweet.
11:49
Speaker 3: Thank you. Sure, nothing but joy your workplace, I promise.
11:53
Speaker 3: Oh yes, that's so cute. Now we'll go away. We'll
11:56
Speaker 3: pump you up a little bit, souse, I think you
11:57
Speaker 3: need it. And then when we come back, we're going
11:59
Speaker 3: to be talking about high pay, low flexibility or the
12:03
Speaker 3: reverse is a better option, And also taking a look
12:06
Speaker 3: at a really difficult DM, which is what do you
12:08
Speaker 3: do when you think you're seeing a financial control in
12:10
Speaker 3: a friend's relationship from the outside. Don't go anywhere, guys.
12:18
Speaker 4: Welcome back everyone. Let's take a listen to this week's
12:20
Speaker 4: money dilemma.
12:22
Speaker 2: Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just
12:25
Speaker 2: can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here
12:27
Speaker 2: to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big
12:30
Speaker 2: and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
12:33
Speaker 2: life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
12:36
Speaker 2: and leave us a short voice recording and you might
12:39
Speaker 2: just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a
12:41
Speaker 2: listen to this week's money dilemma.
12:45
Speaker 5: Hi, girls, love the pot. I have a bit of
12:47
Speaker 5: a career dilemma. I'm set, you're a shining to work
12:49
Speaker 5: as soon as my maternity leave comes to an end.
12:52
Speaker 6: My current role is a great paying, high level role,
12:54
Speaker 6: but the hours a very long twenty four to seven
12:57
Speaker 6: all late nights, nowhere from home and no flexibility. Well,
13:00
Speaker 6: I'll be going five nights a week for dinner, bath,
13:02
Speaker 6: and beds my one year old, but it does have
13:04
Speaker 6: sixteen weeks of parental leave.
13:06
Speaker 5: I've been applying for other roles and have been offered
13:08
Speaker 5: a new job. This new role is office hours, two
13:11
Speaker 5: days a week, work from home, and a lot more flexibility,
13:14
Speaker 5: but it comes with a fifteen K pay cut and
13:16
Speaker 5: no parental leave. We're looking to start trying for a
13:18
Speaker 5: second baby towards the end of the year, and I
13:20
Speaker 5: don't know if I take the job with a pay
13:21
Speaker 5: cut of flexibility but it means not as long off
13:24
Speaker 5: after second barbe arrives, or stick with the current job
13:27
Speaker 5: with better paid parental leaf but no flexibility. I will
13:30
Speaker 5: admit there is a lot more room for future growth
13:32
Speaker 5: with the new job. Would love your advice.
13:34
Speaker 3: Thanks.
13:36
Speaker 4: I actually, and I could be wrong, but I gathered
13:38
Speaker 4: by the sounds of the way you are explaining it
13:42
Speaker 4: you've already.
13:43
Speaker 3: Made your mind up, you know, insightful.
13:46
Speaker 4: Thank you. I feel like if I was to flip
13:48
Speaker 4: a coin, you know, that old trick with a coin,
13:50
Speaker 4: what do you wanted to land on sort of vibe?
13:52
Speaker 4: I think, without any question in my mind and heart,
13:58
Speaker 4: take the better, flexible job with less money. Because also,
14:02
Speaker 4: if you're trying at the end of this year, did
14:05
Speaker 4: she say that gives you plenty of time? So if
14:08
Speaker 4: you start this new job and sure that pays really,
14:10
Speaker 4: you know, not as great, but there's flexibility and possibly
14:16
Speaker 4: room to move or some opportunities as you mentioned, then
14:20
Speaker 4: I think that's plenty of time to kind of like
14:23
Speaker 4: work your way up or like get your foot in
14:25
Speaker 4: the door in other places. Or even if at the
14:27
Speaker 4: end of the day you were on the salary for
14:28
Speaker 4: a little while it didn't work and you just like
14:31
Speaker 4: look for another job, you know what I mean. At
14:32
Speaker 4: least being somewhere in the interim that isn't truly dreadful
14:38
Speaker 4: will open your mind up to other things. It will
14:41
Speaker 4: make you happier in the meantime you'll feel more free
14:44
Speaker 4: or feel more like things will be more flexible. And
14:47
Speaker 4: then working from home, I don't know. I just I
14:49
Speaker 4: think it's all like taking a little break to catch
14:51
Speaker 4: your breath and also figure out what your next step is.
14:54
Speaker 4: And so I think you should leave this no flexibility job. Also,
15:00
Speaker 4: I didn't even think it was allowed that, Like, someone
15:02
Speaker 4: couldn't give you parental leave.
15:03
Speaker 3: So an employer is not required to have a parental
15:07
Speaker 3: leave scheme wherein the employer pays you. I see if
15:09
Speaker 3: that's the case, though you are entitled to government parental leave.
15:13
Speaker 3: The thing with government parental leave is that, generally speaking,
15:15
Speaker 3: for people, the amount that they receive is significantly lower
15:19
Speaker 3: than their income, whereas more often than not, it is
15:22
Speaker 3: a higher rate went through your workplace. I don't know
15:25
Speaker 3: if on some level you can stack them or like
15:27
Speaker 3: jiggle them a little bit. I'm not too sure on
15:29
Speaker 3: those details, but generally speaking, programs three employers are seen
15:34
Speaker 3: as better or more often than not better off financially.
15:37
Speaker 3: I suppose got you, I would be looking to options.
15:40
Speaker 3: You know, as you're saying it's parental if not maternity leave.
15:42
Speaker 3: Does your partner did they have a parental leave policy
15:45
Speaker 3: at their workplace that you could take advantage of. Is
15:48
Speaker 3: that something that you could kind of juggle around to
15:50
Speaker 3: make it advantageous to you, because if so, maybe that
15:53
Speaker 3: kind of you know, the fifteen thousand you would lose
15:55
Speaker 3: in moving jobs can come out in the wash if
15:57
Speaker 3: you were able to return and then take advantage of
16:00
Speaker 3: your partner's parentally of policy. I agree. I really highly
16:03
Speaker 3: value flexibility. I think it's so important and for me personally,
16:07
Speaker 3: has made a huge difference in my life. I also
16:09
Speaker 3: would argue as a parent, flexibility is paramount. I have
16:13
Speaker 3: quite a few friends who have kids. They're still quite young,
16:16
Speaker 3: kind of aged between like one and six or seven,
16:19
Speaker 3: and flexibility is crucial to all of them. They all
16:23
Speaker 3: even if you are able to pay day care fees
16:25
Speaker 3: and things like that, you don't need to do school pickup,
16:28
Speaker 3: school drop off, if you've maybe you've got family available
16:30
Speaker 3: to help kids get sick all the time, you're constantly
16:33
Speaker 3: having to pick them up, You're constantly having to do things.
16:36
Speaker 3: I think that flexibility will serve you really well down
16:39
Speaker 3: the track. Whereas if you have a super rigid workplace,
16:42
Speaker 3: not that it can't be done. There are plenty of
16:44
Speaker 3: people who work, you know, jobs where you know a
16:46
Speaker 3: nurse can't leave their shifts more often than not, for example,
16:49
Speaker 3: they don't have that flexibility, and lots of mums work
16:51
Speaker 3: in those kinds of roles. But I just think it
16:54
Speaker 3: would be helpful if you can have it. And it
16:55
Speaker 3: sounds like it is also something that you feel is
16:57
Speaker 3: kind of important to you, and I'm a big ad
17:00
Speaker 3: for it personally, so I would just be looking into
17:02
Speaker 3: what those options are. I agree with you. I think
17:04
Speaker 3: sometimes money is not the most important thing in a job,
17:07
Speaker 3: and maybe it does sound like you've made your mind
17:09
Speaker 3: up a little bit totally. She jumps at the DM
17:12
Speaker 3: this week, a little bit of an abrupt change of tone.
17:15
Speaker 3: I'm very sorry everybody, but I think this is an
17:18
Speaker 3: important one for us to tackle at any time, but
17:20
Speaker 3: especially with all of the discussions that are happening at
17:22
Speaker 3: the moment around International Women's Day. So we've got a
17:25
Speaker 3: DM and it says this help please. My friend has
17:29
Speaker 3: been with her partner for ten years. They live together
17:32
Speaker 3: and have a child, but keep their finances completely separate.
17:35
Speaker 3: He earns a high income, which honestly would not be
17:37
Speaker 3: possible without her taking on most of the childcare, but
17:40
Speaker 3: he keeps most of the money himself. She works in
17:43
Speaker 3: a lower paid job and wants to go back to
17:45
Speaker 3: school to improve her earning potential. She was so excited
17:49
Speaker 3: about it, but her partner has said no because in
17:52
Speaker 3: his income would take a hit for her to do it.
17:54
Speaker 3: She's now saying she's fine and doesn't want to make
17:57
Speaker 3: it a big deal, but I can tell that she's devastated.
18:00
Speaker 3: From where I'm standing, this seems like such a power
18:02
Speaker 3: imbalance and I hate to say it, but financial control.
18:06
Speaker 3: I don't know whether to say this to my friend
18:08
Speaker 3: or just to stay out of it. And I want
18:10
Speaker 3: to know if I'm overreacting, what would you do? This
18:14
Speaker 3: is so sad.
18:15
Speaker 4: I just feel so sad for this person. Yeah, because
18:18
Speaker 4: it's also like in my mind, I'm like, well, the
18:21
Speaker 4: best case scenario, you leave everything smooth, you start your life,
18:25
Speaker 4: you get your identity back. I mean, I'm only assuming that,
18:28
Speaker 4: like this person was doing something before they had children,
18:32
Speaker 4: before they got married, for all of these things. I'm
18:34
Speaker 4: not sure if they are married, but I think that
18:36
Speaker 4: their life would be so much brighter if they had
18:39
Speaker 4: the freedom. I know that it's obviously a little bit
18:41
Speaker 4: harder with children and things like that, But yeah, I
18:44
Speaker 4: can just see a bright future for them. But the
18:46
Speaker 4: process in doing that, you have to assume that this
18:48
Speaker 4: person that they're dating or they're married to is kind
18:52
Speaker 4: enough and reasonable enough to like let it all be amicable.
18:55
Speaker 4: And it doesn't seem like this is the kind of
18:58
Speaker 4: situation where it's going to be a nice moo separation.
19:00
Speaker 4: So I think that what you should do is certainly
19:04
Speaker 4: just be there along the way the whole time and
19:06
Speaker 4: make it known that no matter what's happening, whether she
19:10
Speaker 4: stays in this situation or leaves the situation, you will
19:13
Speaker 4: be there. Because it's the fact that she's not going
19:15
Speaker 4: back to school in that there's something she really wants
19:17
Speaker 4: to do, I get a sense that there might be
19:19
Speaker 4: a little bit of fear there where there's control, There
19:23
Speaker 4: might be a little bit of maybe she's not scared.
19:25
Speaker 4: But I just think if I really want to do
19:28
Speaker 4: something and someone didn't quote unquote let me, it might
19:31
Speaker 4: be because I'm either afraid of them or I just
19:33
Speaker 4: don't want the whole drama of it all. Yeah, like
19:35
Speaker 4: you're walking on eggs, walking on eggshells a little bit
19:38
Speaker 4: in which case. It doesn't sound like it's going to
19:40
Speaker 4: be a quick and easy like realization and then fix,
19:44
Speaker 4: you know, so I think you shouldn't mention it in
19:47
Speaker 4: a very gentle way that is free of judgment, and
19:51
Speaker 4: in a way that I know it's a really hard
19:53
Speaker 4: thing to balance. But when you're trying to tell your friend,
19:56
Speaker 4: or when someone's trying to tell you something about the
19:58
Speaker 4: person you are married to or in love with or whatever,
20:02
Speaker 4: you might get defensive. So try and do it in
20:04
Speaker 4: this way that will stop her from feeling the defensiveness
20:09
Speaker 4: because you are on both sides, even if it's made up,
20:12
Speaker 4: even if you have to pretend you're on both sides
20:14
Speaker 4: for now, Do it in this way where it's a
20:16
Speaker 4: level playing field. You're on everyone's side and you love
20:19
Speaker 4: everyone and you're just kind of noticing some of these things.
20:23
Speaker 4: Deliver it gently, and then stay by her side no
20:26
Speaker 4: matter what. But yeah, it's a really tricky one. It
20:28
Speaker 4: does sound like maybe financial abuse, would you say.
20:32
Speaker 3: I completely agree. I think it's a huge red flag
20:35
Speaker 3: to me, and I think sometimes people who are in
20:38
Speaker 3: those situations or in those relationships might not clock the
20:42
Speaker 3: red flag as clearly as somebody who is on the
20:45
Speaker 3: outside cam, especially if you know coercive control and things
20:49
Speaker 3: like that. More often than not scale up. It starts
20:52
Speaker 3: with small things. It starts with, oh, I prefer you
20:54
Speaker 3: wouldn't go out because I wanted to go out, or
20:56
Speaker 3: oh I wanted you to be home in case, you know,
20:59
Speaker 3: and then it scales up to well, I don't want
21:01
Speaker 3: you seeing your friends, or you need to be at
21:03
Speaker 3: home with the child or whatever that looks like. Those
21:05
Speaker 3: things generally start small and build up. Yeah, it's like
21:08
Speaker 3: the what is the saying the crab in the pot,
21:11
Speaker 3: something frog in the pot, the frog in the pot
21:13
Speaker 3: that doesn't know the heat that is turning up, and
21:15
Speaker 3: they don't realize that these things that are happening are
21:18
Speaker 3: not normal, are not acceptable. I think it is very
21:21
Speaker 3: much in the phrasing like financial abuse is not a
21:24
Speaker 3: light accusation to make, and I think it is all
21:27
Speaker 3: in how the situations panned out. I think it's one
21:29
Speaker 3: thing if there was a conversation around, we can't afford
21:33
Speaker 3: this right now because the bills are really high, this,
21:36
Speaker 3: that and the other is it something we could look into,
21:39
Speaker 3: And then there's you know, a whole conversation around well,
21:43
Speaker 3: if the male partner's priorities are being men, his job
21:46
Speaker 3: and his life, and whatever is being satisfied in the
21:48
Speaker 3: female partners not. That's a whole different conversation. Yes, but
21:51
Speaker 3: I think exactly as you said the term letting your partner,
21:55
Speaker 3: nobody needs to let you do anything. No, Like I
21:57
Speaker 3: can understand if you look at a broad picture and go, oh,
22:00
Speaker 3: as much as I want to go back to school
22:01
Speaker 3: right now, financially it just would be really hard. That's
22:05
Speaker 3: a completely different scenario to me to someone just saying well,
22:08
Speaker 3: I don't want to change my life so too bad,
22:11
Speaker 3: like make it work. Yeah, I will say there are
22:14
Speaker 3: other options available to her if she doesn't want to
22:17
Speaker 3: leave her job. She could look at a night school potentially,
22:20
Speaker 3: or short courses or things that she could do around it.
22:22
Speaker 3: If she's not in a place where she does feel
22:25
Speaker 3: ready to have this confrontation but does want to make
22:29
Speaker 3: those steps for herself, I think it's important for her
22:32
Speaker 3: to feel empowered and to feel like she can do
22:34
Speaker 3: the things that she wants, because her wants and needs
22:36
Speaker 3: are very important, and she needs to know that. Going
22:39
Speaker 3: purely off what has been provided to us by our listener,
22:43
Speaker 3: I will say exactly as you said. It sounds like
22:46
Speaker 3: there is an element of controller abuse, especially with the
22:49
Speaker 3: imbalance in finances. Like that's another thing that I'm not
22:52
Speaker 3: really understanding. I'm fine for people to have separate finances
22:56
Speaker 3: my partner and I do, but why is he keeping
22:59
Speaker 3: the majority of the money. Just a lot of things
23:01
Speaker 3: are not adding up to me and I think that, yeah,
23:04
Speaker 3: sitting her down gently, kind of talking to her about it,
23:08
Speaker 3: just playing it out a little bit, I think, and saying, hey, like,
23:11
Speaker 3: what is the reasoning for this? Because from my perspective,
23:13
Speaker 3: like it just doesn't make the most sense that you're
23:15
Speaker 3: not pulling money towards things, or that he earns more.
23:19
Speaker 3: Why not give you the opportunity to increase your earning
23:21
Speaker 3: potential by studying or have you considered studying part time?
23:25
Speaker 3: What did he say? Tease it out a little bit
23:28
Speaker 3: and see where it goes, because I think you were
23:30
Speaker 3: so on the money when you said people can get
23:32
Speaker 3: defensive with things like this. Also, you know, maybe just
23:37
Speaker 3: sharing some resources. I think as well, because it's very nuanced,
23:41
Speaker 3: financial control can coercive control. It's really difficult, and sometimes
23:46
Speaker 3: people need to see things in their own time as well.
23:49
Speaker 3: It maybe that as much as right now. For you
23:51
Speaker 3: and I, this is a huge red flag, and we
23:53
Speaker 3: say leave him, screw him, you don't need him. If
23:56
Speaker 3: somebody's not in the place to do that, they need time,
23:59
Speaker 3: they need other things, and that's also okay. You can
24:01
Speaker 3: lead a horse to water, but you can only do
24:04
Speaker 3: so much from the outside, and so it's important that
24:06
Speaker 3: they feel supported. I think it's important that they have
24:09
Speaker 3: access to resources that they can look at in their
24:11
Speaker 3: own time, and the one that we would recommend is
24:13
Speaker 3: one eight hundred Respect. You can call them. They have
24:16
Speaker 3: a really fantastic website as well with lots of resources,
24:19
Speaker 3: and if you or anyone you know needs any kind
24:21
Speaker 3: of support, I would strongly encourage you or them to
24:24
Speaker 3: take a look at what they have on offer. But
24:26
Speaker 3: it is a really tough situation because I think things
24:29
Speaker 3: aren't always what they seem from the outside, and I
24:31
Speaker 3: want to take it with a grain of positivity. But also,
24:34
Speaker 3: if I'm honest, flag is fluorescent red right like it's
24:38
Speaker 3: totally bright Crimson. We'll put a link in the show
24:41
Speaker 3: notes below to one hundred RESPECT and all of their
24:43
Speaker 3: resources as well if anybody would like to access those.
24:46
Speaker 3: But we did also put it out to the community
24:48
Speaker 3: to see what everybody else thought. We did ask a
24:50
Speaker 3: couple of questions. So firstly, we said, what would you
24:52
Speaker 3: do if you were our community member. Twenty six percent
24:55
Speaker 3: of people said they would call it out directly, sixty
24:58
Speaker 3: six percent of people said they would plan to the
25:00
Speaker 3: seed gently, four percent of people said they'd wait till
25:03
Speaker 3: they were asked about it, and four percent of people
25:06
Speaker 3: said they would stay out of it completely. Okay, Next
25:09
Speaker 3: we said, what are your thoughts on what is happening
25:11
Speaker 3: to the friend? Forty seven percent of people said this
25:14
Speaker 3: is definitely financial control, forty eight percent of people so
25:18
Speaker 3: unbelievably close, said it's a red flag, but I don't
25:22
Speaker 3: quite know what to call it, and five percent of
25:25
Speaker 3: people says it is up to your friend to decide
25:29
Speaker 3: then kay. We obviously said what is your two cents?
25:32
Speaker 3: What do you think? And we got a lot, a lot,
25:34
Speaker 3: a lot of messages and feedback. The first one said
25:38
Speaker 3: I'd hate to see her retirement fund compared to his
25:41
Speaker 3: being visible costs of motherhood strike once again, Yes, which
25:45
Speaker 3: is extremely true, so true, I was sinking the same thing, yeah,
25:47
Speaker 3: and maybe something worth raising with her as well. Is
25:49
Speaker 3: I think women are often put so behind when they
25:53
Speaker 3: take time out of the workforce. There's all of those
25:55
Speaker 3: long term impacts to your super fund, even to your
25:58
Speaker 3: ability to then apply for more senior roles or pay rises.
26:01
Speaker 3: There's a lot of prejudice that exists against mothers particularly
26:05
Speaker 3: that is working against us constantly, and so that is
26:08
Speaker 3: also something that I feel like needs to kind of
26:10
Speaker 3: be factored into these kinds of decisions. Again, there's no
26:14
Speaker 3: right or wrong, but it's something that I think is
26:16
Speaker 3: really critical that people at least consider totally. Next, we've
26:20
Speaker 3: got one that came through in four parts. They said,
26:22
Speaker 3: this is financial abuse, but you need to tread lightly,
26:25
Speaker 3: as this isn't the only abuse happening. With any abuse victims,
26:29
Speaker 3: It's important to plant seeds gently and ask questions slowly.
26:33
Speaker 3: Always be a safe, non judgmental space for them to
26:36
Speaker 3: vent or run to. It will likely take years for
26:39
Speaker 3: her to release, and then longer for her to leave
26:41
Speaker 3: if she even can. Yes, which I feel like echoes
26:45
Speaker 3: a lot of what you were saying.
26:46
Speaker 4: Yes, completely agree, very true.
26:49
Speaker 3: Somebody said keep some notes of things that your friend
26:51
Speaker 3: tells you she'll need them for a family law affidavit
26:54
Speaker 3: one day. True, it sounds like it's coming from somebody
26:56
Speaker 3: with a bit of experience. Someone else has said, my
26:59
Speaker 3: dad similarly did this to my mum. They're now getting
27:02
Speaker 3: a divorce. Bro needed a reality check. Somebody says he
27:06
Speaker 3: wants her exactly where he has her. She is his employee.
27:09
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it's so true. That's what it sounds like.
27:11
Speaker 3: Money aside, if she was really excited to go back
27:13
Speaker 3: to school, that's super heartbreaking. I think this happens way
27:17
Speaker 3: more than people think. Somebody said in role she doesn't
27:20
Speaker 3: need permission for her life. Yeah, somebody said I've been there.
27:24
Speaker 3: The most helpful friends called it out gently. For example,
27:27
Speaker 3: I would not feel okay about that, which I think
27:30
Speaker 3: is very helpful because we were kind of struggling to
27:33
Speaker 3: put into words a little bit. I think, well, I
27:35
Speaker 3: was going to ask you, like, what would you say
27:37
Speaker 3: if a friend of yours was in this situation they
27:38
Speaker 3: told you this exact story, what would you say to them? Specifically?
27:43
Speaker 4: I would say something similar to this, like the eye
27:45
Speaker 4: would not feel okay about that, But I do think
27:47
Speaker 4: that like sometimes in that situation, you can kind of
27:50
Speaker 4: tell yourself, especially if your partner is saying something so nonchalantly,
27:54
Speaker 4: something that's really a red flag in this way that
27:56
Speaker 4: is like not a big deal, so casual, so casually,
27:59
Speaker 4: and then you were like, oh, that must be really
28:01
Speaker 4: really normal, I must be really sensitive, or like this
28:04
Speaker 4: is a very reasonable thing to.
28:06
Speaker 1: It really is.
28:07
Speaker 4: And so if you say something very similar to this
28:10
Speaker 4: where it's I would not feel okay about that, or
28:13
Speaker 4: I would just be asking questions like is that something
28:15
Speaker 4: you really wanted to do? And are there any other
28:17
Speaker 4: situations where you feel like you want to do something
28:20
Speaker 4: that you're not maybe like quote unquote allowed to, or
28:24
Speaker 4: you have to maybe like ask for missions for stuff,
28:26
Speaker 4: and then just kind of like gently lead it into
28:29
Speaker 4: this way where it's like how does that make you feel?
28:32
Speaker 4: And if they kind of open up about like feeling like, oh,
28:34
Speaker 4: I just think I'm being silly, then grab onto that
28:38
Speaker 4: and say you are not silly and just like make
28:40
Speaker 4: them feel hurt. So I think, yeah, it's it really
28:42
Speaker 4: depends on the person you're talking to, depends on so
28:44
Speaker 4: many things, but starting small, starting gently, the great's to start.
28:49
Speaker 3: I really like that phrase that I would not feel
28:51
Speaker 3: okay about that. Yeah, definitely you're not putting it on
28:54
Speaker 3: them and saying they're making a bad choice. But you're
28:56
Speaker 3: exactly You're just expressing your own feelings. I thought that
28:59
Speaker 3: was really helpful, practical suggestion. I've just got two more.
29:02
Speaker 3: One person said, I'm so angry we give up career advancement, income,
29:07
Speaker 3: super and our time yep, and it's just taken for granted.
29:11
Speaker 3: And then lastly, I have someone who said, I work
29:14
Speaker 3: in DF. It is financial control and it's insidious and
29:18
Speaker 3: it can lead to much worse. Please call it out. Yes,
29:21
Speaker 3: And I think that's the overall thing. We've only got
29:23
Speaker 3: a very small amount of information. But if us and
29:26
Speaker 3: so many people in our community were looking at this
29:29
Speaker 3: and going this is a problem. Yeah, I think as
29:32
Speaker 3: a friend, it definitely is your responsibility to at least
29:35
Speaker 3: try to bring the conversation to the forefront and then
29:38
Speaker 3: support your friend in whatever way she needs, Knowing she
29:41
Speaker 3: may be ready to make a choice, she may not,
29:43
Speaker 3: and all you can do is try to help encourage
29:46
Speaker 3: her to pursue her dreams, encourage her to have what
29:48
Speaker 3: she wants because she deserves that too. And yeah, when
29:51
Speaker 3: all those fails really rely on those resources. At one
29:53
Speaker 3: eight hundred, respect again, we'll put that in the show notes.
29:55
Speaker 3: I think, you know, International Women's Day is about really
29:58
Speaker 3: highlighting all of the gaps and the struggles and all
30:02
Speaker 3: of the progress and the wonderful things that we are
30:03
Speaker 3: doing as well as women. And it really breaks my
30:06
Speaker 3: heart that so many people replied to a message like
30:09
Speaker 3: this and said I've had this experience, my friend has
30:11
Speaker 3: had this experience, and you know, it gives me a
30:14
Speaker 3: lot of hope that this podcast is bringing people together
30:17
Speaker 3: and hopefully making a change in a small way, because
30:20
Speaker 3: I think that you know, as much as the pink
30:22
Speaker 3: cupcakes and the whatever that we see, we're all out
30:24
Speaker 3: at this time of year, I think like this practical
30:27
Speaker 3: stuff like women looking out for women. Yeah, like that's
30:29
Speaker 3: what it's about to me. And I'm so grateful for
30:31
Speaker 3: everyone who shared their opinion, and I'm sending all of
30:34
Speaker 3: my love and my thoughts to you know, this person
30:36
Speaker 3: and their friend.
30:37
Speaker 4: Beautifully said I feel exactly the same way I think,
30:40
Speaker 4: And it's definitely like such a I mean, it's always
30:42
Speaker 4: important to talk about, but yes, certainly coming up to
30:44
Speaker 4: International Women's Day. So I'm really glad that we read
30:47
Speaker 4: that one out today.
30:48
Speaker 3: Please keep us posted.
30:49
Speaker 4: I really love to know how it all goes with
30:51
Speaker 4: your friend, and sounds like you're a really good friend,
30:53
Speaker 4: so absolutely very well done.
30:55
Speaker 3: To you as well. Yeah, and with that, I think
30:57
Speaker 3: that's it for the episode. You guys, happy almost into
31:00
Speaker 3: Women's Day. Tell a woman you love them, Tell a
31:02
Speaker 3: woman you appreciate them, See all the good things that
31:05
Speaker 3: they're doing online as well. There's lots going on, but
31:07
Speaker 3: thank you so much for joining us. If you haven't already,
31:10
Speaker 3: checked out the Facebook group and the Instagram where we
31:12
Speaker 3: collect a lot of the fun things that we do
31:14
Speaker 3: every Friday. Leavis comment. If you're listening on Spotify, ask
31:17
Speaker 3: us a question and subscribe, because that's the thing you
31:19
Speaker 3: can do now as well, which is crazy, crazy all
31:21
Speaker 3: the things. Thank you guys so much for joining us,
31:23
Speaker 3: and Victoria will see you on Monday. From Money Dary,
31:26
Speaker 3: Bye guys bye.
31:32
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31:34
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31:38
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