Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 239. Flashback Friday - Projections

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239. Flashback Friday - Projections · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley
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Speaker 1: and I'm Siana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. Get ready for
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Speaker 1: your next level of self, So let's go with one
0:33
Speaker 1: of yours. First, What has someone said to you?
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Speaker 2: I was actually having a conversation with a client of
0:39
Speaker 2: mine and we were having a conversation around physical insecurities,
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Speaker 2: specifically to do with like facial features. And we were
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Speaker 2: having this conversation, I was holding space for her. Obviously
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Speaker 2: I can't share anything, it's all confidential. However, what the
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Speaker 2: projection was was that you wouldn't understand what it feels
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Speaker 2: like to be insecure or feel insecure about the way
1:02
Speaker 2: that you look.
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what projections do as well? Quickly, it keeps
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Speaker 1: you in victim mentality, doesn't it It does, She's a
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Speaker 1: victim to her own thoughts.
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Speaker 2: Then, yeah, you wouldn't understand what this feels like, which
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Speaker 2: is really interesting because I was so insecure. Oh my god,
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Speaker 2: so insecure. I just remember being so young and just
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Speaker 2: feeling probably around eighteen to twenty mark, feeling so unworthy,
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Speaker 2: so insecure, like wanted to get you know, surgeries, done.
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Speaker 1: All the things.
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Speaker 2: I mean, I've got implants.
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Speaker 1: For God's sake.
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Speaker 2: I got these when I was eighteen, right, And so
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Speaker 2: that's a visual representation of an insecurity that I had.
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Speaker 2: And so it's interesting when I do get projections like
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Speaker 2: this of like you would never understand what it feels
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Speaker 2: like because of the way you look or whatever.
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Speaker 1: Actually you understand it because you've fully been there.
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Speaker 2: I'm actually is the opposite. I'm like, oh my god,
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Speaker 2: I was so deep in it, you wouldn't.
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Speaker 1: Have any idea. It's like it was there. Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember feeling so insecure and unworthy within myself
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Speaker 2: when I would have a moment of feeling unworthiness and
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Speaker 2: the feeling would come up. At first, I wasn't conscious
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Speaker 2: of this, but I became aware of it. I would
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Speaker 2: get dressed up and I would put on a nice outfit.
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Speaker 2: I would do my makeup, do my hair, and I
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Speaker 2: would go to the middle of somewhere where it was
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Speaker 2: so fucking busy just so that I could get validation
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Speaker 2: for people looking at me, because I needed to seek
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Speaker 2: validation outside of myself because I didn't know how to
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Speaker 2: give it to myself, you know. And so it's just
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Speaker 2: a cool thing of like what you may think somebody
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Speaker 2: may not experience or struggle with is just a projection
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Speaker 2: of what you think that they're experiencing. But we're all human.
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Speaker 2: We all have fears, we all have insecurities, we all
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Speaker 2: struggle with certain things that you know, what I see
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Speaker 2: in myself and I feel insecure about you might not
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Speaker 2: even notice, right, But it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
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Speaker 2: It's not the first time that I've had that insecurity
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Speaker 2: from a client. Of being like you wouldn't understand, I'm like, well,
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Speaker 2: actually I do, like more than what you think.
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Speaker 1: That's so interesting, isn't it. I got one that said,
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Speaker 1: you pretend like your kids are perfect and you only
3:02
Speaker 1: post the good things about parenting. I was like, interesting,
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Speaker 1: First of all, my kids are having a tantrum, or
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Speaker 1: they're disregulated, or they're emotional, or they're having a hard day.
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Speaker 1: The last thing I would ever think about doing or
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Speaker 1: do is pull out my camera. I'm not gonna do
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Speaker 1: that that is so disrespectful. But when you hear that,
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Speaker 1: what do you think that parent is feeling. Do you
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Speaker 1: think she's projecting that because she's feeling insecure about her
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Speaker 1: kids being bratty that day? What do you think would
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Speaker 1: be going through her head?
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Speaker 2: The first thing that comes to mind is that she's
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Speaker 2: triggered that your life seems like a highlight reel. Maybe
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Speaker 2: she's potentially lacking the good.
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Speaker 1: Stuff, the good stuff. You've been using that word good, Yeah,
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Speaker 1: good stuff.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe feeling I don't know, that's the first thing
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Speaker 2: that popped into my mind, like feeling like my life's
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Speaker 2: put together because my kids always seem well behaved.
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Speaker 1: It brings up stuff for her that maybe she's feeling
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Speaker 1: a little bit out of control. And by the way,
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Speaker 1: this is us unpacking it as we go. There's no
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Speaker 1: structure here and there's no wrong or right, and you
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Speaker 1: might disagree, and that's totally fine. We're literally unpacking this
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Speaker 1: as we would if we didn't have cameras and micro
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Speaker 1: in front of us. But yeah, what I hear from
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Speaker 1: that is similar to what I was thinking, is that
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Speaker 1: she looks at my kids in my life and it
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Speaker 1: looks like it's all structured and in control. My kids
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Speaker 1: are perfect and everything's rosy and amazing. So that brings
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Speaker 1: up her that my kids are out of control and
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Speaker 1: they're having tantrents all the time, and my work's a mess,
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Speaker 1: my house is a mess. Why does it look so
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Speaker 1: easy for her. I'm going to put that on her
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Speaker 1: and bring her down to my level, and then I'm
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Speaker 1: going to connect on.
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Speaker 2: That, yes, like it's triggering for her to see that
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Speaker 2: you don't have the moments of yes, regulation, tantrums, all
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Speaker 2: of that stuff. She's like, well, why don't you have
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Speaker 2: that kind of Why aren't you showing that? Because that's
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Speaker 2: the reality that maybe she's experiencing, yes, and.
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Speaker 1: She wants to know it's relatable. So I can fully
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Speaker 1: see her on that. But I need to tell any
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Speaker 1: mom that is listening, my kids have tantrums. Oh my goodness,
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Speaker 1: Tala girl, Taj he's very sweet and calm. He still
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Speaker 1: has his moments, but Tala, holy moly. She will tell
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Speaker 1: me when she's not happier, when she wants something, but
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Speaker 1: I just will never pull the camera out. It's not
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Speaker 1: something I would ever disrespect my kids and do. The
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Speaker 1: other day, she was crying on my real. Did you
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Speaker 1: see the smoothie time one? And she was like, oh,
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Speaker 1: they gets smooth. I think that's the only time I've
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Speaker 1: showed her crying, because I believe when she grows up
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Speaker 1: she will laugh at that. Yes, but otherwise, if they're
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Speaker 1: disregulated or upset or having a tough day, there's no
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Speaker 1: fuck on way open my camera out. It does not
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Speaker 1: mean I don't experience the same things you do. Yes,
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Speaker 1: parent can feel so lonely, but at the end of
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Speaker 1: the day, we all experience the same thing in our
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Speaker 1: own way. Yeah. I hope any parents listening me reassuring
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Speaker 1: you that I go through what you do as well,
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Speaker 1: that we're not alone in this journey. That's why, once again,
5:35
Speaker 1: it's so important to bring mothers together and sister together
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Speaker 1: and to connect and to share and be vulnerable because
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Speaker 1: it helps us not feel alone. Yeah, you know, what's
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Speaker 1: your next one?
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Speaker 2: The next one for me is it's easy for you
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Speaker 2: to be confident around other people because it comes so
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Speaker 2: naturally for you.
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this one.
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Speaker 2: It kind of makes me giggle a bit because I
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Speaker 2: just think you don't know, like you know, the projections
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Speaker 2: that come through you just you never really know what
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Speaker 2: somebody's past has been like her experience has been like,
6:01
Speaker 2: I'd be curious, what do you think It's easy for
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Speaker 2: you to be confident around the people because it comes
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Speaker 2: naturally fear.
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Speaker 1: They think that you haven't had to work hard, and
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Speaker 1: then they're in victim that it's not fair that they
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Speaker 1: have to work so hard and they're still not there.
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Speaker 1: It looks so easy for her. They're being a victim,
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Speaker 1: which I am not judging. I've been a victim or Honestly,
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Speaker 1: one of my biggest victim stories was that everyone else
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Speaker 1: has it easier than me, and I've got it ten
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Speaker 1: times harder. I'm a queen of victim when I was younger.
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Speaker 1: I am so no judgment here, but I think she's
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Speaker 1: looking at you as if you haven't had to try.
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Speaker 1: You've just been born with this natural gift of being
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Speaker 1: able to speak and be confident and be beautiful. And
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Speaker 1: it's so hard for her that maybe she's wanting to
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Speaker 1: show up on camera or wanting to show up in
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Speaker 1: any way in her life, and she still doesn't have
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Speaker 1: the courage to. But what we forget is we haven't
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Speaker 1: seen everyone seasoned in chapters to get to that point
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Speaker 1: where they are even meeting on camera, it looks like
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Speaker 1: I'm so natural on camera. Yeah, I've always wanted to
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Speaker 1: be on stage. But you should have seen the tantrums
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Speaker 1: and fights that Steve and I used to have when
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Speaker 1: you first started out business. He would push me in
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Speaker 1: front of the camera. I was like a two year
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Speaker 1: old having a tantrum. I did not want to be seen.
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Speaker 1: If I stuffed up, I would cry. Literally, I would cry.
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Speaker 1: There's been a long journey, in so much persistence and
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Speaker 1: practice to get to this point where I'm so comfortable
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Speaker 1: with who I am and i know I've got a
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Speaker 1: voice to share. But yeah, there's a journey for someone
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Speaker 1: to get to where you are right now. But people
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Speaker 1: don't see that, and that's where the projections come out,
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Speaker 1: and you always feel like you're in that victim energy. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: so I feel for her, but it's just not the case.
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Speaker 2: I feel for her too, but I'm also like, honey,
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Speaker 2: if only you knew.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and we get to do this work, just like
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Speaker 1: whoever's listening, who wrote that in or has said that
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Speaker 1: to you. She gets to choose to work on it
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Speaker 1: and to see it from a different perspective. Now, when
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Speaker 1: I see someone inspiring. Years ago, I would have made
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Speaker 1: a projection like that. It's so much easier for them now.
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Speaker 1: My mind goes, oh, they must have done a lot
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Speaker 1: of work to get there. Yeah, what courses did they do?
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Speaker 1: Who's their coach? How much practice have they had? They've
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Speaker 1: been a stage for three years? Five is ten years.
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Speaker 1: I'm inquiring and almost talking what they've done and how
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Speaker 1: they've done it to get there. Yes, that's where my
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Speaker 1: mind's AT's at now. Yeah. So it's cool when you
8:04
Speaker 1: can turn.
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Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely, and you know what's interesting. I was once
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Speaker 2: just so the opposite of confident, anything but confident, And
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Speaker 2: I vividly remember, just like this experience has popped into
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Speaker 2: my head of trying to fit in around this group
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Speaker 2: of people that I met in Bondi when I was
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Speaker 2: living in Sydney, and I was trying so hard to
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Speaker 2: fit in, and I just remember feeling so hard to
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Speaker 2: have a conversation flow, being like I had to think
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Speaker 2: about what I was saying, I had to try to
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Speaker 2: find topics to talk about, and I just was so
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Speaker 2: in my head that I was the person who sat
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Speaker 2: in the back corner and was mute. And it has
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Speaker 2: been a conscious effort for years. I'm talking like years
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Speaker 2: and years have I've been doing personal development? Now? Has
8:49
Speaker 2: it taken me to be able to feel so natural
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Speaker 2: when I'm talking or to just yap and be comfortable
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Speaker 2: that I feel comfortable yapping because I'm comfortable in myself now.
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Speaker 2: But it took really facing all those parts of myself
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Speaker 2: that I wasn't confident in that I did love, that
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Speaker 2: I was rejecting within myself for me to be able
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Speaker 2: to go, hey, I feel comfortable owning all of who
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Speaker 2: I am now, you know, really sitting with the anxious
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Speaker 2: part of me too.
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Speaker 1: Yes, you know.
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Speaker 2: It takes a lot of you being able to be
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Speaker 2: okay with that part of you, not judging it, not
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Speaker 2: judging the part of you that wants to be accepted
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Speaker 2: or loved or valued by other people so much that
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Speaker 2: you're in your head while you're sitting in front with somebody,
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Speaker 2: going do they talk like me?
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Speaker 1: What am I going to say? What should I say
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Speaker 1: to make them like me? Like?
9:35
Speaker 2: Not judging that part of you so that you can
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Speaker 2: go okay, cool, How can I just have it?
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Speaker 1: How can I get to know this person better? Yeah?
9:43
Speaker 2: What could I learn about this person that might deep
9:45
Speaker 2: in our friendship. I want to get to know this person.
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Speaker 2: It just shifts from you to them, and then also
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Speaker 2: with time and practice, like what you were saying, some
9:54
Speaker 2: more connection with you doing this for fifteen years.
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Speaker 1: On camera, it's the same thing. Yeah, so cool what
10:00
Speaker 1: you got for us. This sound's been a more recent thing,
10:02
Speaker 1: which I have spoken about before the podcast. For years,
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Speaker 1: I've never wanted to show anything to do with finances
10:09
Speaker 1: because I wanted to stay relatable. I wanted other people
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Speaker 1: to not think I was bragging or rubbing in their
10:15
Speaker 1: face or anything like that. So now I've started to
10:18
Speaker 1: just show a little bit more of that, whether it's
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Speaker 1: buying a bag, that's celebrating a milestone, or going on
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Speaker 1: business class flights with my son or whatever it might be.
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Speaker 1: There's been a few projections that have come in You're
10:28
Speaker 1: bragging by showing us how much I earn, And this
10:31
Speaker 1: one particularly came around I uploaded a photo dump. I
10:34
Speaker 1: upload one of the photos a screenshot of how much
10:36
Speaker 1: high do I made? Last year? Yeah? You fucking did? Yeah?
10:39
Speaker 1: And that was so muchy for me because I uploaded
10:42
Speaker 1: straight away. You messaged me and you're like, fuck, yes,
10:45
Speaker 1: this would have been hard for you. Yes, And I
10:47
Speaker 1: remember even saying to Steve, do you mind if I
10:49
Speaker 1: upload this? He was like, oh, go for it. You're
10:53
Speaker 1: going to get a lot of hate for that. I said,
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Speaker 1: I know, I'm going to invite it in because I
10:56
Speaker 1: want to practice how I respond and I want to
10:58
Speaker 1: practice being okay, to be proud of myself. And the
11:02
Speaker 1: reason I did it was I actually saw someone else
11:04
Speaker 1: do it and they're in the same industry as what
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Speaker 1: I am, and I saw them and I was like, hell, yes,
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Speaker 1: I was so excited for this person that I don't
11:12
Speaker 1: even know. I was like yes. And I remember seeing
11:14
Speaker 1: all these tiktogs is around Black Friday of small business
11:17
Speaker 1: owners setting up their phone and they push launch and
11:19
Speaker 1: hear their ding ding detopify sales and then crying and
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Speaker 1: them excited. I got one hundred orders, I've got a
11:24
Speaker 1: thousand orders. We smashed out Black Friday by times free
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Speaker 1: from last year. I get so excited people, I get
11:30
Speaker 1: so happy for them, for everyone to be financially free,
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Speaker 1: that it's just like the goals. By doing something that
11:34
Speaker 1: you love well that makes positive impact, it just makes
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Speaker 1: me so happy. So anyways, sorry, I really excited about that.
11:41
Speaker 1: I really wanted to start showing a bit more of
11:44
Speaker 1: that because I didn't want to just be relatable. I
11:47
Speaker 1: wanted to show women that they too can come from
11:50
Speaker 1: nothing and make something of themselves. They can come from
11:53
Speaker 1: no money and earn a lot of money and live
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Speaker 1: a life they're really proud of, and provide their kids
11:57
Speaker 1: with really cool experiences and be able to buy the
11:59
Speaker 1: shiny things they've never been able to buy, to celebrate something,
12:02
Speaker 1: or just let him celebrate just because you fucking want it.
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Speaker 1: I want to show women that you can do that.
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Speaker 1: So it's felt very edgy, and that projection comes out
12:09
Speaker 1: a lot, and I understand it because I used to
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Speaker 1: think like that if I saw women uploading their come
12:15
Speaker 1: with me to praa to buy that, Like, why do
12:17
Speaker 1: you have to show that? Just go buy it? Yes?
12:19
Speaker 1: Can you hear that in my tone? Yeah, it's a projection.
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Speaker 1: I'm triggered because I can't afford to go and buy
12:24
Speaker 1: that bag, and now you're rubbing in my face that
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Speaker 1: I can't afford it. It's got nothing to do with
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Speaker 1: her celebrating being able to buy a handbag. It's all
12:30
Speaker 1: to do with my insecurities and me not feeling enough
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Speaker 1: and upset that I haven't got that money or I
12:36
Speaker 1: haven't worked as hard as what maybe she has. That's
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Speaker 1: the biggest one, isn't it. It brings it all up. So
12:41
Speaker 1: I understand this trigger because I've been there, But like
12:44
Speaker 1: I said, I want to keep inviting it in because
12:46
Speaker 1: it's a really important conversation to have. See what money
12:48
Speaker 1: wounds and triggers you have.
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, what you just said is so powerful. And
12:52
Speaker 2: something that I resonated with with that specific trigger is oh,
12:56
Speaker 2: maybe I haven't worked as hard as she has.
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Speaker 1: Oh.
13:00
Speaker 2: One of my old friendships, she was awesome business owner,
13:03
Speaker 2: like very successful, very impressive human being. And I remember
13:06
Speaker 2: at the time I couldn't hold my jealousy and I
13:09
Speaker 2: couldn't hold that projection. I would be like, oh, it's
13:13
Speaker 2: easy for her. I had that projection. It was easy
13:15
Speaker 2: for her. But what I was refusing to look at
13:17
Speaker 2: with myself was I'm not doing the things that she's
13:19
Speaker 2: doing to get there. And it was having to really
13:22
Speaker 2: admit that to myself, which was very hard to do
13:25
Speaker 2: because it was so much easier for me to project
13:27
Speaker 2: onto her about how much easier it was for her,
13:30
Speaker 2: and just you know, maybe it was who she was
13:32
Speaker 2: as a person, and she was more aligned for something
13:34
Speaker 2: like that, or she just had the skills that I
13:36
Speaker 2: didn't have. But it's not about that at all. It's
13:39
Speaker 2: about owning the part of you that you don't want
13:41
Speaker 2: to sit with, which is part of me specifically that
13:45
Speaker 2: wasn't working for what I wanted. It was like I
13:47
Speaker 2: was saying I wanted all the things, but I wasn't
13:50
Speaker 2: doing the actions, at least not consistently for me to
13:53
Speaker 2: get the results that I wanted to have. Oh so crazy,
13:57
Speaker 2: But it's uncomfortable things to look at, which is why
14:00
Speaker 2: you can understand why we all at some point project
14:03
Speaker 2: that onto the people who are doing really well.
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Speaker 1: There's a girl I follow. I've showed you her before,
14:06
Speaker 1: Georgie Stevenson. She's a local Gold Coast influencer, and she
14:09
Speaker 1: was the one that kind of led the way for
14:10
Speaker 1: me because she was showing her buying a bag, she
14:13
Speaker 1: was showing her new Tesla, and then she brought a
14:15
Speaker 1: Porsche six months later, and then she's bought this beautiful,
14:17
Speaker 1: big mansion on the beach and she was proud to
14:19
Speaker 1: show all and I was so stoked for her. Fuck yeah,
14:23
Speaker 1: and I felt so inspired by that and lifted up
14:26
Speaker 1: by that and like, wow, that's possible. Or like you know,
14:30
Speaker 1: when we see podcast hosts make x amount of money
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Speaker 1: or hit their ten mooion downloads, I don't see that
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Speaker 1: as a jealousy or projection any more of it. It's
14:39
Speaker 1: easy for them. I'm like, Wow, that's possible. Look, thank
14:42
Speaker 1: you for showing me that that's possible, because I don't
14:44
Speaker 1: want to be a victim thinking that I can't achieve
14:46
Speaker 1: that because I had a hard childhood or whatever. No, no, no,
14:48
Speaker 1: thank you. That's amazing. Now I want to be that
14:51
Speaker 1: for other women that follow me.
14:53
Speaker 2: I love that there's these two best friends who run
14:55
Speaker 2: businesses together. I can't even remember their names, but I
14:57
Speaker 2: remember the ones that had their cars.
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Speaker 1: They pulled up the Porsches. They got matching Porsches, and
15:02
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, that's the cause shit. Ever.
15:05
Speaker 2: I remember seeing that being like we can make a
15:08
Speaker 2: video like that, Like we.
15:09
Speaker 1: Can do that when we get to that place as well.
15:11
Speaker 2: And when I see women who buy themselves like a
15:14
Speaker 2: g wagon or something, they got a big bow on it,
15:16
Speaker 2: and I'm just like, you're about us. You've got created
15:19
Speaker 2: that for yourself, Okay, cool like I've always believed this.
15:22
Speaker 1: Maybe not pre victim mentality.
15:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe not pre victim mentality, but post a victim mentality.
15:28
Speaker 2: I always thought you only need one person to be
15:31
Speaker 2: evidence that what you want gets to be possible for you,
15:34
Speaker 2: because you only need one person ahead of you to
15:37
Speaker 2: proven that it can be done for you to go.
15:39
Speaker 1: Of course I can have this if I work for it. Yeah,
15:42
Speaker 1: you have to take radical responsibility. You do