Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Addicted to drama ft. Inside out with Kris

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Addicted to drama ft. Inside out with Kris · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apodjay production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: up together.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and glow.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow, and
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: we're here to be your expander. Welcome back to the
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: potty guys, Grow and Glow. We have another amazing guest
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: that you guys already know and you absolutely loved her
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: last two episodes, So welcome back. Chris.
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  Speaker 4: Hi, girls, thanks so much for having me. I'm excited
• 0:53
  Speaker 4: to be here. It's going to be a lot of fun.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like we spoke about so
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: much in our last two episodes, but there's always so
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: much more to talk about. So today we're going to
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: be covering a lot about wellness, but then we're going
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: into trauma. Yeah, Jo, Now, it's a very trendy word.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: But there's just it's so important and I think someone
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: think they don't have trauma, but you're lying to yourself.
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  Speaker 1: We'll have it. So when we go deep into that,
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: but before we do, as you know, every Monday episode,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: we have a share of the week.
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  Speaker 4: So this is something my mentor said to me on
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  Speaker 4: our session at the start of the week, and it
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  Speaker 4: was this, chaos can be destructive and can render everything
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  Speaker 4: a new. So when we think about chaos in our
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: life and how like messy it is and then we're
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  Speaker 4: like so overwhelmed, we feel like we're falling apart, it
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  Speaker 4: actually creates a new slate. It's like a tornado, Like
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  Speaker 4: it wipes everything clean. Like think about it in that
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  Speaker 4: sense and through that lens, and what a different perspective
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  Speaker 4: it actually can be when you like lean into that
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  Speaker 4: in your own life and own experience.
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  Speaker 1: Can you say it again, chaos.
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  Speaker 4: Can be destructive and can render everything a new It.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Is so true, right, I love that tornado analogy because
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: it's right, it like gets rid of whole towns. They've
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: got a clean slate to start and rebuild again.
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  Speaker 4: Got any natural disaster and like that's so destructive, But
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  Speaker 4: like and then map it into your life and it's like, wow,
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  Speaker 4: it actually just cleans it.
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  Speaker 1: Like get to start again.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Reminds me a little bit of that quote the breakdown
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  Speaker 3: before the breakthrough it everything has to be chaos before
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  Speaker 3: you can get back to the calm.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, or when you're about to manifest something really big,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: like you go through a lot of fear and uncomfort first,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: then you know something huge is about to happen.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I find energetically when I'm going through like a
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  Speaker 4: quantum leap, either like in my business, which would always
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: map into relationships. Hells all the things I go through,
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  Speaker 4: like an upgrade internally, which is like the flu, so
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: it appears symptoms of the flirt and I'm like, I'm
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  Speaker 4: so sick, what's happening? And then something people happen.
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  Speaker 1: Like Oh that's wow. Self awareness that you like realize
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: like this is like happening right before. Yeah, just a
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: cool way to look at life. Yeah, Like you don't
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  Speaker 1: ever get a victim them being like oh I'm so
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  Speaker 1: say you're like, oh.
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  Speaker 4: That wasn't Yeah, absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: That's really cool. Let's get started a wellness because I
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: want to start with saying I feel like we always
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: hear it takes twenty one days to break have it.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I'm assuming that you believe this because you have a
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: twenty one day wellness like reset course that you do
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: why twenty one days and walk us through what that
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  Speaker 1: program is.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah. So I've always believed it takes twenty days to
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: make or break a habit, and to go backwards to
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  Speaker 4: a time in my life where I wasn't the healthiest
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  Speaker 4: version of myself. I smoked and the thing that got
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  Speaker 4: me off smoking, which is so disgusting to consider now,
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  Speaker 4: but it's like I got myself out of that space
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  Speaker 4: by going just twenty one days to just get to
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  Speaker 4: the end of these twenty one days. You can do it.
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  Speaker 4: Once you're there, it's done, and that's what got me
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  Speaker 4: off that terrible, disgraceful habit that I had as well
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  Speaker 4: so with any other thing in my health, in movement,
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  Speaker 4: in whatever fad I try or start. Over the last decade,
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  Speaker 4: it's been that twenty one day mentality for me because
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  Speaker 4: you get to probably day forty. Sometimes I think with
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: some things that we tried and there's resistance.
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  Speaker 1: The motivation drops off.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't really want to do it anymore. You
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  Speaker 4: look for the evidence way you shouldn't. Maybe you get
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  Speaker 4: your period, maybe sick, like whatever, and you're like, don't
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  Speaker 4: have to permission to stop. But for me, it's pushing
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  Speaker 4: past that restrictive part there and just leading into the
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  Speaker 4: momentum and continuing to twenty one. And then for me
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  Speaker 4: in my personal experience, I've always finished the thing. I've
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  Speaker 4: always stuck it out. It's then ingrained as a habit
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  Speaker 4: in my life, like journaling, breath work, like all these
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  Speaker 4: things I just do. I don't think it's like brushing
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  Speaker 4: my teeth, right, because there was a time in our
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: lives where brushing your teeth was forced. You're told and
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  Speaker 4: you have to keep doing it, and it's like have
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  Speaker 4: you done it? No, I haven't done it. Why do
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  Speaker 4: I have to do it? Because you've got to do
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  Speaker 4: it before you get like that that thing, it's just
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  Speaker 4: a habit. So for me, yeah, twenty one days is
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  Speaker 4: just the timeline that has always given me results.
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  Speaker 1: That's really cool. So can you walk us through a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of your program? Like what do you take
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  Speaker 1: everyone through?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah?
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  Speaker 4: So it's a free ebook and it has been designed
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  Speaker 4: by myself, signed off by a dietitian as well as
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  Speaker 4: a personal trainer, and there's twenty one days of movement
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  Speaker 4: and recipes and self love affirmations, as well as a
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  Speaker 4: really simple checklist, like a daily checklist that just goes
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  Speaker 4: either on the back of your phone, like on the
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  Speaker 4: wallpaper or on the fridge, right, so it's just three
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: liters of water. It's turning your screen time off at
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  Speaker 4: eight thirty at night. It's little things like that I
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  Speaker 4: believe that have supported my journey and my health and
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  Speaker 4: my growth. Simplifying it and bring it back to basics.
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  Speaker 4: I created it in a time where it was around
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  Speaker 4: the seaword, the COVID time right, and I had a
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  Speaker 4: newborn and a toddler. And after my first child, after
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  Speaker 4: my son, I went all in back to health and fitness,
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  Speaker 4: got the body back, got married sixteen weeks later, like
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  Speaker 4: I was the fittest I've ever been in my life.
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  Speaker 4: And then I had my daughter, completely separate experience. I
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  Speaker 4: gained all this weight. I couldn't shake it as quickly.
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  Speaker 4: We're in lockdown. I was isolated, I was lonely. I
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  Speaker 4: had a home gym, like fully equipped home gym, and
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  Speaker 4: I had all the tools from resources essentially because I'd
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  Speaker 4: trained for a really long time, so I knew what
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  Speaker 4: I had to do, but I didn't have the capacity
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  Speaker 4: emotionally or energetically to go and get stuck in and
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  Speaker 4: get it done. And that's I guess where the twenty
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  Speaker 4: one day when as reset was born, because I'm like,
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  Speaker 4: if I'm feeling like this, and I just know that
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  Speaker 4: other moms are too in this same position. So the
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: exercise component of it, because my mentality was quite all
• 5:59
  Speaker 4: or nothing back then as well, so it's like I'd
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  Speaker 4: never finish it. I'd just give up on my sets,
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  Speaker 4: walk back in the door, or there's Washington to.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: Do this baby crime distractions.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and nothing ever felt completed. So I felt very
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: unsuccessful in the day to day stuff. Right. So then
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  Speaker 4: I started doing twelve minute workouts and I was just
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  Speaker 4: twelve minutes of the day, so I'm like, twelve minutes,
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  Speaker 4: you can get this done. If I got six minutes in, cool,
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  Speaker 4: I did my best. I aimed for the twelve. I
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  Speaker 4: got six minutes in, it didn't matter as much. But
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  Speaker 4: if I got the twelve, I felt awesome. If I
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  Speaker 4: drank my three litters of water, I felt awesome. If
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  Speaker 4: I ate veggies with two out of three meals. I
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  Speaker 4: felt good and it was enough for me, and I thought,
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  Speaker 4: I wonder if other people are feeling this, so I
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  Speaker 4: put out there on Instagram. It was the early days
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  Speaker 4: of my Instagram account a couple of years back, and
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  Speaker 4: people were feeling the same. And I've had over three
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  Speaker 4: hundred women jump in and do this and feel great
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  Speaker 4: at the end of it, whether or not they take
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  Speaker 4: everything into the everyday life, Like, this is a thing
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  Speaker 4: that I did not want people to feel like they
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  Speaker 4: had to do. So if you have a day, or
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: if you have two days, that's cool, go do what
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  Speaker 4: needs to be done. But then there's no wagon to
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  Speaker 4: fall off. You just step back into what you know
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  Speaker 4: is good for you, which is these habits and these
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  Speaker 4: micro moments. I'm a big believer in the man micro
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  Speaker 4: habits support macro goals.
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  Speaker 1: Oh wow, And.
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  Speaker 4: That's what I wanted people to bring into their everyday life,
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  Speaker 4: Like the micro moments are going to make you better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 4: And if we can just bring some focus into what's
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  Speaker 4: possible rather than what's not possible through that lens and
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  Speaker 4: amplify your life in a really positive way through these
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  Speaker 4: really small habits. I didn't want it to be overwhelming.
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  Speaker 4: So that was how I felt going into anything that
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  Speaker 4: I was trying, because I was doing every app and
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  Speaker 4: different diet and different fat under the sun at that
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  Speaker 4: time because I wanted to lose this weight and I
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  Speaker 4: had no accountability of support either, so you know, it
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  Speaker 4: was just me doing things and feeling like I was failing.
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  Speaker 4: So like, how can I create it? So I'm not failing.
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  Speaker 4: It's not going to get me where I need to
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  Speaker 4: go in the fastest capacity, but I also get to
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  Speaker 4: strip it all back and go back to basics. So
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  Speaker 4: it's something I'm really passionate on for my clients as well.
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  Speaker 4: So most of my clients that have worked with me
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  Speaker 4: have done this program and then they've got these embedded
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  Speaker 4: habits to their day to day life.
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  Speaker 1: And I think when you get that progress too, then
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: like you're ready for the next level. So I didn't
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: know it's free. It's freae, So anyone listening, like you
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: can literally go to your website and get it the.
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: Resources, type down it's just and you can start like
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: print it off and start.
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  Speaker 1: So of course once description, yeah, that's right there. Once
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  Speaker 1: you do that, it's like, okay, what's my next level?
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  Speaker 1: Self going to be doing like this is the beginning
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: and you've got those habits and now you're ready for it.
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  Speaker 1: And as a mom too, you already feel like not everyone,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that's a big generalization, but I definitely think we all
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  Speaker 1: have moments of feeling like we're failing.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So if you're like, yeah, getting your three letters of
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  Speaker 1: water and taking those little things off, you're like, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: I'm doing really well. I'm looking after me so I
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: can take care of you. It's important for a mom.
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: One of the things in the Wellness Reset also includes
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: the self love challenges. So there's twenty one self love
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  Speaker 4: challenges and these are really simplified things because again, I
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: was in a stage of being like I can't go
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: for a holiday, I can't go to the spa for
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: a twenty four hour treatment. There's things I'm saying other
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  Speaker 4: people doing and I want that, but I can't do
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: that for myself. How can I create that for myself?
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  Speaker 4: And so, like an example is one of the challenges
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  Speaker 4: is a glass of red wine in the bath at
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: midday because the baby's sleeping. You can Yeah, who said that?
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: You can't? Who said that you can't have the things
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: that you want or create that softness or nurturing to
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: yourself and your body that day. It's what in the
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: sunrise with a cup of tea in the morning, Like
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: little things like that that I just didn't feel like
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: at that time I had access to it. And then
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: when I started doing I'm like, oh, that's in with you.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: So wellness to you. Isn't some big journal these things.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: It sounds like it's all the little micro things.
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely is. Yeah, absolutely Again, everything just supports the
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: macro goal and flows of life. Like I've been at
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: the height of myself in terms of the leanest, the fittest,
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: the strongest, the fastest, all the things. I've been there,
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: and I've been at the other edge of that same
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: scale where it's like not the healthiest version of myself
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: and didn't have the tools that I have now. And
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: now I just focus on It's a season. Some weeks
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: I'm at the gym six days a week, five am
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: every day, and I'm walking the dog as well, and
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: I'm getting my steps in like yeah, some weeks it's that,
• 9:51
  Speaker 4: and then other weeks I'm there three times and maybe
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: I'm not there at all. You just got to find
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: what works for you and stop sitting in that comparison
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  Speaker 4: itis with other womens, other families, and what their experiences are,
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: what's support network they have? You don't know, like just
• 10:05
  Speaker 4: because someone's putting up online like they're at the gym
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: at five VM, I could do that too some weeks,
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: But then like this week, like this morning, I didn't go, yeah,
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: but you put that online, didn't go to the gym.
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: Like you see what you see and you see what
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: you want to see. And I think just taking ownership
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: and what you're choosing to absorb as well is a
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: huge part of that.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so much comparison online these days as well. I
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: think everybody looks what everyone else is doing, going oh my.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Gosh, like how do they juggle?
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: Little?
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: But there's weeks where like holy shit, like same as me.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: Like a couple of weeks ago, I was melting down
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: and I was like not coping with anything. So like
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: the last thing I felt like doing was going to
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: the gym have my moment. And then I was like, Okkara,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: now dush yourself off, had your moment, get back into it.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah you know it's going to make you feel better. Yeah,
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you feel like being vulnerable because
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: this sounds all inspiring and motivating, But is there something now?
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Because I like me at the moment, I definitely feel
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: like I'm in a fixed season of growth and working
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: with a coach. I have my surgery, just navigating a
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: lot of personal things, like I feel like I'm kind
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: of like drowning a little bit. Is this something that
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: you feel like you've got all those basic habits that
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: are nailed or is there still something that you really
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: struggle with and how do you work through that? Like
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: You've got a mentor, but is there something? Yeah, you'd
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: love to share.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: So and I'm more than happy to share this. Honorability,
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: as I've said before, is our superpowers?
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: Absolutely. On Monday with my mentor, I was reflecting with
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: her and I was like, the projection that's playing out
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: in my life is drama. My son is very dramatic,
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: darling boy, He's so dramatic in his tantrums, and I'm
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: just like, God, you're a drama queen. And then because
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: I'm so self aware, I'm like, Wow, where am I
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: the drama queen? How am I creating this? How's this
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: my projection? How's this a mirror to me? And how
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: much I love drama. I love to find it, I
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: love to be in it, but in a way that
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: I don't want that. So it's like when we talk
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: about victim mentality we talked about last time. Yes, so
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: that's my wound. But on the other end of that,
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: it's like drama I'm attracted to as well in humans
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: and girlfriends. Yeah, either victim or their drama. Right, just
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: playing into that projection of myself. So noticing that now
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: that's self aware part of me that struggles to have
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: boundaries with drama, right, and have boundaries with people who
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: are dramatic, And where can I start implementing that into
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: my own Yeah?
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I love that. Where do you think drama has served you?
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Because you know, there's always the shadow and the live.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Where do you think it's served you?
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: It's literally gotten me everything I want.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, you're put your foot down.
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And that might sound a bit like selfish to
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: some people that can only hear my voice and don't
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: know me well enough to sort of know where I'm
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: coming from. But being dramatic has literally taken me everywhere
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: I needed to be in life. I was reflecting recently
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: about a teacher in year seven or eight, and his
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: words to me were that mouth is going to get
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: you nowhere in life. And I only had this memory
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: pop up and I was like, Oh, this mouth actually
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: got me a few places place.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's literally my job now that I love to do.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: It's talking with my mouth.
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: And talk to people all day every day. That's my
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: favorite thing ever. And I'm like, how interesting that that
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: was said to me, But just noticing how that could
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: have been something that I decided to have as a
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: limiting belief, and it could also have been the thing
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: that drove me forward and I always want to drive forward.
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: That's something that I've just having grain since I was
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: really young. My mom worked really really hard and really
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: practice what she preached in that regard, so I think
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: that's been imprinted from her. But yeah, being attracted to
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: drama is something.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: That I think a lot of girls can relate. Well,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I think it's females. Had this discussion with my husband
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: a little while ago that, like, I was just telling
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: you about the show that The Secret Lives of the Mormons.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: It's so dramatic, it's so drama and I but I'm like,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I stopped watching the Kardashian because I just I felt
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: like it wasn't authentic anymore, Like I felt like it
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: was a bit put on a bit stage and it
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: was a lot of drama, And for a season there,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I didn't want any drama. But then this show I
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: really enjoyed, So I get it. Like females, we are
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: kind of drawn to that, but it must bring connection
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: as well. But sometimes relatability may yeah.
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: Sometimes a secondary gain in terms of the emotional scale
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: that we're going to gain from something that's having a
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: negative impact. So let's say I'm attracted to drama in friendship,
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: like in female friendship, and the secondary emotion to that
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: for me is that it gives me permission to sit
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: in my victim.
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: He either said that or I get to feel like
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: I'm being the good person by helping them through their thing.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I've got someone that I used to be close with,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: and I felt like when she would talk about drama
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: and gossip, I felt like it made her feel better
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: about her situation because their situation was more dramatic and worse.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: So then she felt like hers was like not that bad,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: whereas I could see that her situation wasn't serving her
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: and she didn't want to take ownership. But when she
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: talked about these people just like so much worse in mine,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Like I thought my life was dramatic, but these girls,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and I could just feel I could feel this is
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: more about her than what it was to other people.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: So I could see it wasn't serving her, but I
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: could see why she was drawn to that.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: And it's also the dopamine hit that we get from it.
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: So it's like some people do drugs, some people watch porn,
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: some people do this girls chaste drama, interesting we get
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: from it. Right, So we might call in a friendship
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: where there's a huge misalignment because ia you might have
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: completely different lives and hers is filled with toxic drama
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: stories and crap, and you sit there soaking it in,
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: and you know, you might even be like, why are
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: we in friends? Like we've got nothing in common, even
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: if you do have a lot in common, but very
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: like different value your life, but you want to soak
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: her in all the time. Notice what you're getting if
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: you walk away feeling drained and continue to go back.
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: The pattern is that you're getting something from it, and
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: sometimes not for all females, but sometimes it is that
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: don't mean him, right.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a cool conversation to talk about too.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: We're kind of going a little bit of track, but
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: like with trolls online, because I remember years ago when
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: I had an actual hate page dedicated to my name
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: and we ended up taking legal action and we got
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: it taken down. But there was five women on a
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: rotating roster to like screenshot on my snapchats and post
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: it into forums and then all go, let's all go
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: comment this and blah blah blah. But this isn't to
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: put down single ones, but they were all single mums.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: And three of them actually came forward and just said,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: like after they had realized what they had done, they'd
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: apologized and like had said that we didn't have anything
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: else going on our life. It was like you were
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: our reality TV show. One of them compared me to
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: the Kardashians of like you are our reality TV show,
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: And it was just like addictive. And I could see
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: how it was meeting their need of significance. It's meeting
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: their need of community and like connection. Yeah about it,
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: And when she explained it like that, I was like this,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: it's awful that I've been through that, but I can
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: understand as a lonely single mum. How that could be
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: quite addicted to, like being amongst something that's like growing
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: and it's gossiping and it's drama. I could really like
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: see from their side. I don't think it's right, but
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I could have passionate, ouvererstanding.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost easier to connect with someone over something
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: negative like that too, right, Like it's harder to go
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: deep and find like those meaningful connections where you talk
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: about hard things or but to take gossip and have
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: those sorts of conversations like I don't know, I feel
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: like it takes bravery to like some of the I
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: mean we talk about on the podcast, but the ship
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: we talk about, you know it.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Is and gossip is deflecting, it's pointing out words, whereas
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: when you go inwards taking ownership, Like I had a
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: really bad argument with you know whatever, I had to
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: argue with my partner, and I did not show up
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: the way I want to be, Like, that's hard to
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: talk about.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: It's so hard.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: It's easy to be like, did you hear what this
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: person said? To hear what she was wearing?
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: Like he did that?
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I like, oh, I probably shouldn't have said that Yeah,
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: It's just an easy thing that we've all been subscribed to,
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: especially our swomen since you are quite young.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so being a busy mum running a business, doing
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: all the things that you do, like wellness, it is
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: so important. But we have a large mum audience and
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: we definitely get feedback a lot of like, how do
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: you guys fit it Allien? So we've spoken about it
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: on the podcast. What I'd love to hear from you
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: because you're even traveling heats for work now, you're speaking
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: at events on all these different podcasts, like how do
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: you fit in all your wellness habits whilst being the
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: mum you want to be the part you want to
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: be the friend you want to be, Like, how do
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: you do it all?
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: Strip it back to the basic needs, right, what of
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: my kids need time? They just want me cool. Don't
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: make it fancy. We don't have to go to the park.
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: We can grab the magnets. It's on the launch room floor.
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: We watch Matilda for the first time the other night,
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: which is the cutest thing ever. There at an age
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: where they can watch an actual like TV yeah show
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: sorry movie which was really sweet. So like, in terms
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: of balancing the mum and a business hat. You can
• 18:04
  Speaker 4: do it all, and you can have it all, but
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: you need to recreate what all is to you and
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: how that's going to feel. Because if you want to
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: feel present, be fucking present. Just be present. Start with that.
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: Give it ten minutes. It doesn't have to be ten hours.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: It can be ten minutes. Same with movement. It doesn't
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: have to be at a gym in a class perfect
• 18:20
  Speaker 4: one hundred percent of the time. We are humans, and
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: humans are supposed to progress, and sometimes we see progression
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: as it's too hard, it's too overwhelming, or we've got
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: to do it in a certain way that someone else
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: is doing it right, where it's strict and it's instruction.
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: I'm out of routine, so oh my gosh, I just
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: can't do anything. So like the wellness reset I've used
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: on holidays because I don't want to be away from
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: the kids on holidays and I don't want miss out
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: on the fun. But I want to move my body,
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: and there's a gym or that, you know, I don't
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: want to go travel around without my kids if I'm
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: doing a big walk or anything like that. So I'll
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: just do fifteen minutes of exercise, super back to what
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: is good for you? Same for food, what is good
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: for you? To back to the basics. You can have
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: it all if you choose to look through the lens
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: of what does all mean for me? Like us three
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: sitting here, we have completely different lives, completely families, completely
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: different children. You're all to my all the two different things,
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: and that's okay. Like, give yourself permission as a mom
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: and as a woman to do the journey in the
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: way that you need to do it. Because we've all
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: come from different walks. We've all had different experiences, different trauma's,
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: different paying, different wounds that we're dealing with on a
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: day to day basis, Like our husbands will do different things,
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: Like how can we say we can all go to
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: the gym at this time and it's going to work
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: and this is what makes us healthy or this is
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: what makes us feel good because it's not going to
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: be the same em Like your kid might have had
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: gastro last week, might be like flying high and being
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: the best bloody kid in the world, But it doesn't
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: mean that you can't move your body one day and
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: you can't do an hour here, or you can't do
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: twelve minutes there. Yeah, I think it's really important that
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: you've got to do what's good for you. Stop comparing.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, And we're even speaking on the way up about
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: how with your kids all they need is twelve minutes
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: a day of like your present time, which is crazy,
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: and I think it just takes so much pressure off,
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: knowing if you have twelve minutes of like complete present
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: time with your kids and that's enough for them to
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: feel you know, fine.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and you can break that up like we
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: were saying three to five minutes in the morning, three
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: to five minutes in the middle of day, thirty five
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: minutes of bedtime or like if you've got the capacity
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: like to be doing that all at once. But like
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: research is saying twelve minutes of a solid present time
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: with phone away and playing, like because that's how they
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: connected through play, doing what they want on their terms.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: That's like that's all they need. That's the minimum anyway, Like,
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: of course we want to do more, yeah, but just
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: to take that pressure off. You get that in each day,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: like you're doing an amazing job.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: Those days when you're busy and you've got so much
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: stuff on and you feel like, oh my gosh, if
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: you know, like at the end of day, I'm going
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: to sit down and I'm going to go play like
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: our kids love caping go, so you know, like just
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: do something like that. It's just nice to be like, Okay,
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: I've done enough to like I've given everything I've got
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: today and today my capacity might be twenty percent and
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: tomorrow it might be eighty.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And I can give them so much more.
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: But it kind of just takes a pressure off thinking
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: of it as that sort of amountain Hey deerfinitely.
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: When I've been consuming your content lately and your website
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and everything, we love talking about trauma. I've had another
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: guest on like talk all that trauma. But obviously everyone
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: has the different views and different way they do things.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: But this is something that you help your clients with,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: and we believe everyone has trauma. In your own words,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: what is trauma and how do you help your clients
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: through it?
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: So trauma is stored in the body, and we can
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: suppress our trauma and we know that, but it's almost
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: like it's a buzzword at the moment in your space.
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: And yes, everyone does have it, but I think you
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: need to be really cautious about how you're using that
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: word in a space where there's some traumas that are
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: massive and horrific, and it doesn't make the ones that
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: are smaller any less important. But trauma has become something
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: that's just a bit of a buzzword, like trigger was
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: a buzzword for a minute there, and now we're talking
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: about trauma, right, So don't flex it if you're not
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: willing to either be really vulnerable and how you're supporting
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: yourself with it or vulnerable around wanting to change it.
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: That's something that that's a good point passionate on speaking to.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: So I support my clients with bringing the unconscious conscious.
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: So a lot of shadow work involved with what I
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: do and what that allows and can look like is
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: suppressed memories and events and experience, and they can be
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: really big things. Well they could be things that we
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: look at that are quite simple. I have a past
• 22:11
  Speaker 4: client of mine who, when we did a process, brought
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: a memory forward. She was around six or seven. She
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: was plating her little sister's heir. She's learning to plat,
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: and then her mom comes over and her mom's just like,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: we're in a rush, We've got to go hurry up,
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: Like I'll do it. She's goes, no, no, no, I
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: can do it, Mom, I can do it, and she's like, no, no, no,
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: got to get out the door. And that was the
• 22:27
  Speaker 4: first time that she thought that she wasn't good enough
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: to do something, and so her unconscious mind went and
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: seek to evidence for the rest of her human life
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: to confirm she wasn't good enough. And that's the first
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: time that she felt that way. Now this is a
• 22:38
  Speaker 4: really my kids this way, like we'll create trauma for
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: our kids. It's a part of the process. Unfortunately it sucks,
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: but it's a part of it. And I think that
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: there's that moment there that was locked in for her
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: and was such a simple thing that may have created
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: a bigger traumas and experiences and events in other areas
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: of her life down the track. So it can look
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: like that, and it can be things that are really
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: big and horrific that are already there that you already
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: know that you need to work through. But I think
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: that trauma are memories that you store in your body.
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: And that might not be the proven scientific answer, but
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: that's what I feel it is, and that's how it
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: is for my clients, and that's how we work through it,
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: because it's stored in your body, so we will release
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: that through emotional change therapy as well as shadow work
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: and energetics and unpacking these parts of you and sometimes
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: not good enough being the limited belief, it's deeply embedded.
• 23:24
  Speaker 4: Like it took us a few sessions to get to
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: that point to bring that memory forward. And once it
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: came up, like you know, that was emotions and tears
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: and things, and she was just like this seems so silly,
• 23:32
  Speaker 4: Like this really is this how I feel like remembering
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: that little version of me that thought she could do something,
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: she was so sure of herself, and then to be
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: told no, you can't. And then where that influenced other
• 23:42
  Speaker 4: areas of her life.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: You know how you say trauma stored in the body,
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: Is there a common area that you find where it's stored?
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: Great question. So different emotions are stored in different locations
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: from the work that I do. But for the women,
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: and this is a huge generalization for women who I
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: work with, it would usually be fear, shame and guilt
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: and stored between the chest in the stomach. Yeah, it's
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: not often like a shoulder or like you know, your
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: legs and things like that, which it can be for sure,
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: but as a generalization, the heaviness is in here, the
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: guilt is.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, absolutely throat, yeah, being heard things like that,
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: and most trauma do you think comes from those first
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: seven years or is it just different for everyone?
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: I think that our limiting beliefs are created in those
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: first seven years. Then we seek evidence to affirm the
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: limiting belief and sometimes again huge generalization here, and sometimes
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: those traumas can be created by us putting ourselves in
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: situations that could potentially be due to our limiting beliefs, right,
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: because we're seeking evidence, so we go down that path
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: that's a least resistance to confirm the evidence. Let's say,
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: as an example for myself, putting myself in awful relationships
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: when I was younger, right where I was treated horrifically
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: because I didn't think I was good enough. There's an
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: ownership for me in that right, like I put my
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: self there. I allowed that to continue. And not that
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: I'm saying that that's justifiable but for anyone, But I'm
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: saying that that is because I had a limited belief
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: of I'm not good enough between zero and seven that
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: then my body and my mind went and seek evidence
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: to confirm.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: Because that's what you thought you were worth. So you
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: don't know to get any more than that. Yeah.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: I would love to talk about the different processes because
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people will get scared to
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: go and book a session about trauma. What are the
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: process that you take them through?
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Is it breath work? Is it visualizations? Like combination and
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: combination like that's do you have one thing that you
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: do or is it like every client's going to be different.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: I think that, well, every client can be different from
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: when we start the process. But act the emotional change
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: therapy that ire utilizing my coaching. I definitely utilize that
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: and breath and meditation and just coming back into your
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: body and your unconscious mind is so available to give
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: you the information you need to move forward, Like it
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: could just be getting them really grounded and anchored. As
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: an example, I did this client last week and we
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: were unpacking something and I was like, okay, first answers
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: that come forward, I'm going to ask you a question.
• 26:11
  Speaker 4: I would provoke the question and we were able to
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: determine the root cause of where she was feeling, but
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: it would connect to a part in her body. She's like,
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: I feel that like through here, and then we're like, okay,
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: what's that mean to you? And then we chunk down
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: on what that actual emotion is and then where that's stored.
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: And then the answer could be I don't know, right,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: so then I'll reflect back. If you were to know,
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: what would you say? And it's like you have an answer, right,
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: So unconsciously you want to protect. So it's like I say,
• 26:35
  Speaker 4: I don't know, so I can protect because you always know,
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: you always have an answer.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: That's really interesting you say that because I feel like
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: I've had that in sessions. I just don't know. But
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: then yeah you do, Okay, Well if you didn't know,
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: what would you assume? What would you guess? It's like
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: when you think this, yeah.
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: When you flip it for a decision and if it
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: lands on the wrong side and you're disappointed, like, well
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: now no, yeah, I think, but it's like you actually
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: already know three two one. When you're like making decision
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: or you're having an issue internally, three two one, what's
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: the answer.
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: As soon as it's don't overthink it.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: Don't let your self overthink it, don't let self protect it.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of people just are so not connected
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: with themselves as well that they don't believe the intuitional
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: they don't trust it. So that's why they say, I
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: don't know. It's when you're also connected to yourself.
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: Yes, you do know, absolutely trust that otherwise yes, absolutely, Yeah,
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: and on that journey, like, you've got to confirm that
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: brick wall of evidence to know that you're good enough
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: to have that self belief.
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: So if that wall is built and constructed of only
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: a lack of self love and lack of self belief,
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: of course it's really hard to draw forward that answer
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: in yourself to know what you want to do to
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: move the needle. But you've just got to keep building
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: that brick wall, build again and again and again until
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: it's bigger than the other.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: One, but like overtowering it and solid.
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like it's massive, but for most of us, we're
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: only starting the work around now in the last few years. Yeah,
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: before that was a shit shows. Yeah, so it's like
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: that brick wall's got some time.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: The twenties are almost like your warm up. Hey, I've
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: got a staff member who just turned twenty and she's like,
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: these are my serious year, Like this and I'm going
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: to find someone that have kids.
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: And I was like, don't you you believe when you're
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: twenty Like, oh, I'm getting my line.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Now fully got it sorted. But I said, dressed, you're
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: going to get to know who you are. You need
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: to know who your true friends are. When you hit thirty,
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: that's when I feel like you're more centered in ground
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: and you're like, Okay, now I know what I want.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I don't about forties and not there yet. But that's
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: why I felt twenties or a warm up thirty. I
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: was like, Okay, now I'm really clear on what I
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: want and who I want around.
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like I turn thirty and I was like,
• 28:31
  Speaker 4: oh yeah, this guy's open up.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: That's what I felt.
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: I get it now. Also, my knees changed. I don't
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: know about it.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: You feel you Yes, my gewl's changed so much change.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Yes, you were saying before e c T. Did you
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: say can we chat a little bit more about that?
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: Because I think you touched on that in the last episode,
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: didn't you, But just in case I haven't heard that episode.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah, cool. So it's very similar to timeline therapy. I'm
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: not sure if you guys have heard of that before
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: that was invented, and no one come at me if
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: I'm getting this wrong. It's been a while since I lonely.
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: That was invented in nineteen seventy by a guy called
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: Tad James. I'm nervous now saying.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: That, because that's just where you go back in time
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: to find the memory and feel it.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: Essentially.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: And then the spin on that is emotional change therapy
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: that was invented by Elizabeth and Walker, who I did
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: my training with on the Gold Coast. It's a much
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: faster process in terms of getting the result and releasing
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: stagnant trauma.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: So what do you do with that?
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: I read from a specific script and I include the
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: limiting belief or the emotion negative emotion that we're releasing,
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: which takes people back to a time. Act is done
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: with connection. So breath. We'll ground you into it with
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: a meditation and then we'll go through that process. And
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: it's just really about connecting to you and allowing your
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: unconscious mind to come forward. Some people will want to
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: protect it to the end, so quite often it will
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: be I only see black, Chris, don't see anything else somewhere?
• 29:53
  Speaker 4: Is that just the ego coming up, not wanting concept
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: and not wanting to be vulnerable. Yeah, it's a scary thing.
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: If you've not ever been shown that vulnerability was safe,
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: you will protect it all costs. Right. You will sit
• 30:04
  Speaker 4: there and you'll tell me that you don't know the answer,
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: that it's black. There's nothing there, there's nothing there, and
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: we can do this for six hours. But there is
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: something there. But you've got to trust it, and you've
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: got to be vulnerable enough to go into that. Yeah.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend once say to me, I said,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: I first started my self development years and years ago,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: but it always stuck with me because it maybe first
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: of all made me feel like, fuck, something a lot's
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: wrong with me. But we were talking about Truman like
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: child or stuff, and she was like, I don't have
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: any of that. Like I had great parents, they never
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: hit me. Like I went to great school. I didn't
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: miss out on anything. I got to do all the sports,
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: Like we've got amazing cousins. Like I just don't have
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: anything bad that happened, Like I just must be the
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: lucky one. I remember just thinking fuck, like, well I'm
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: really unlucky. Then I'm really fucked up. But like as
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: our friendship continued, I definitely saw things and I was like, yeah,
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: it might not have been a huge event, but there
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: is micro trauma's I think for everyone. Do you agree
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: we all have stored energy, Like, there's got to be moments.
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: It could be in the way that she people pleases people. Yeah,
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: she compensates or she always says sorry. You know, trauma.
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: Why are you saying sorry for everything and apologizing profusely.
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: That's not how we live. And it's the fear of
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: acknowledging that too, Like if you had grew up with
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: a perfect little life that you thought was a perfect
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: little life, the perfect parents of this that there's no
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: human ing in the humans, right, so you know, you
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: might not know that your mum or dad had an
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: affair because that was kept from you. But we did
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: have the perfect life, Touze, because you weren't taught vulnerability.
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: You weren't shown about the human experience and change and
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: people making mistakes. You didn't actually get to feel any
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: of that. So when you do fuck up, well, you
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: do make a mistake. I'm speaking from this friend's maybe perspective.
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: It's the end of the world. So let's say that
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: she failed a driver's test or whatever. She might have
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: felt like that was the end of the world for
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: her at that time because there hadn't been a lot
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: of mistakes in her life that was acceptable of vulnerability.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've seen it played out in her life
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: in that like the perfectionism. And she's also food is
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: her coping mechanisms. She's gained like a lot of weight,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, I think she's trying to keep up
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: this persona that like I'm perfect, My life's everything's perfect.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, there's got to be stored something in
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: there out otherwise, like you wouldn't be turning to food
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: and you wouldn't always be putting on this front that
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: everything's perfect. So it was just interesting. I just feel
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: like sometimes people think they don't have anything, but if
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: you would actually be with the right coach, the right person, like,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: they will bring it up and nothing's wrong with you.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: It's just as part of the human experience. And even
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: our kids, like we're conscious parents, but definitely there'll be
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: somewhere where fucked the mound that they will need help
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: with later on with you know, work through because none
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: of us are perfect, no, and they have their own
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: experiences to go.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Through, and that's a crazy thing. Like even with different
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: traumas that have happened in my life.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: I've got three sisters.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Some of them don't find the things traumatic and then
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: some of us do. Like so true, everyone's experience is
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: different and everyone was in different situations or some people
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: might not have seen this, or you know, it'sh so different.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: When I spoken about my stepdad once, I remember I
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: can't remember which brother ors. We got two brothers, but
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: one of them said to me, I don't remember that happening.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: I was like, how do you not remember that? That
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: was like so clear and traumatic for me. And he's like,
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: but I don't think it was that bad, Like he
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: didn't do that, did he? And I was like, yes
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: he did. And I was like, maybe you can do
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: it to him. Or maybe he wasn't around that time.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Maybe his brain has blocked it out because it was
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: too painful. Like every child and person's going to have
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: their own experience it and store it in a certain way.
• 33:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we delete the store and generalize every bit of
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: information and an experience. We're all receiving that completely differently,
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: and that's so normal. I think it's in and lp
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: re recognize that our conscious mind takes in I think
• 33:28
  Speaker 4: it's one hundred and thirty four bits per second, and
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: our unconscious takes in two billion per second, Like something
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: like you don't know what you already do? You know
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: when you have a dream about a group of people
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: and you're like, who were those random people? Who dream?
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: You've seen their faces before, but you don't actually know
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: that you've seen them, like you know you've seen them
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: or something, and it recreates it in the dream.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: So interesting.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: My kids are six and a half years apart the experience,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: like my son had compared to my daughter, Like, I'm
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: such a different person now. I'm such a different parent
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: to my little girl to how I was to him
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: when he was her age, because I was in a
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: different part of my life, I'd done different growth, I'd
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: worked three more traumas. I don't have anxiety attacks anymore,
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: like I've had them all the time when he was
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: little boy. Like it is different for the children as well,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: compared to where the parents actually at as well, how much.
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: They remember, Yeah, when they were born, in.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Our energy, how we were coping with life. They feel definitely. Yeah,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I like rush the kids to bed, and then
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: other times I like, I don't care how many books
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: you want to do? Yeah, opacity. If you've had a
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: really hard day, it's like, I don't want to read
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: that the same.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: Book four times.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: I'm sick of the wonkey donkey.
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: Yes, my son's spelling now, so I don't know if
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: you guys obviously have gone through that, but spelling everything.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: And I spelled out something because I was trying to
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: have a private conversation with my mom and and I
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: was like, crap. But spelling is his thing. So when
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: we read books, we spell everything.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: Yes, there will be doing three pages of the whole book.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: I feel like we've covered so much. Yeah, thank you
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: so much once again for being here.
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: Thanks for having me to have you go a different directions.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: I always so much to talk about.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Hey, and Chris, where can everybody find you at?
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: Inside Out with Chris And that's basically me everywhere, including
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: the website Inside Out with Chris Kris. Jump over to
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: the website, go to the free resources tab to get
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: the twenty one day wellness reset. Also when you jump
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: on the website now, they'll be a little pop up
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: for my free shadow Work ebook, which is an introduction
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: to shadow work. If you heard the word before and
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: you want to just play into that a little bit
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: or learn a bit more about yourself, then definitely start there.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: There's over fifty shadow work journal problems with that as well, amazing,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: totally free. Just for anyone that wants to start their
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: journey and doesn't have the tools and resources yet to
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: go and get a mentor, to go and get a coach,
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: or they want to dabble and they're not sure of
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: where to start. I would definitely recommend those two things.
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: That's crazy, and you've got a podcast as well. Hey
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: Inside with Chris, Yeah, perfect.
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: Bloody loves It's so much fun, so good.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: We'll link all your details in the description box. But otherwise,
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: thank you succhually big, thank you girls, and we'll see
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: you guys on Wednesday. Bye bye
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: Mm hmm