Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 302: Tammy's Takes #14: 5 Signs You Are Stuck In Survival Mode

Transcript

E 302: Tammy's Takes #14: 5 Signs You Are Stuck In Survival Mode · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:01
  Welcome
• 0:01
  back
• 0:01
  to
• 0:01
  another
• 0:01
  episode
• 0:02
  of
• 0:02
  Tammy's
• 0:02
  Takes,
• 0:02
  where
• 0:03
  we
• 0:03
  take
• 0:03
  powerful
• 0:03
  conversations
• 0:04
  with
• 0:04
  our
• 0:04
  guests
• 0:05
  and
• 0:05
  turn
• 0:05
  them
• 0:05
  into
• 0:05
  practical
• 0:06
  strategies
• 0:07
  that
• 0:07
  you
• 0:07
  can
• 0:07
  use
• 0:07
  right
• 0:08
  here,
• 0:08
  right
• 0:08
  now.
• 0:09
  So
• 0:09
  if
• 0:09
  you
• 0:10
  listen
• 0:10
  to
• 0:10
  yesterday's
• 0:10
  episode
• 0:11
  with
• 0:11
  Dr.
• 0:11
  Tracy
• 0:12
  Hutchinson,
• 0:12
  whoa,
• 0:13
  it
• 0:13
  was
• 0:13
  a
• 0:13
  good
• 0:13
  one.
• 0:14
  She's
• 0:14
  an
• 0:14
  author,
• 0:15
  a
• 0:15
  psychotherapist,
• 0:16
  and
• 0:16
  an
• 0:16
  expert
• 0:16
  in
• 0:17
  narcissistic
• 0:17
  abuse
• 0:18
  and
• 0:18
  family
• 0:18
  trauma.
• 0:19
  We
• 0:19
  had
• 0:20
  such
• 0:20
  a
• 0:20
  powerful
• 0:20
  conversation
• 0:21
  and
• 0:21
  we
• 0:21
  talked
• 0:22
  about
• 0:22
  something
• 0:22
  that
• 0:22
  you
• 0:23
  might
• 0:23
  not
• 0:23
  have
• 0:23
  heard,
• 0:23
  a
• 0:23
  term
• 0:24
  you
• 0:24
  might
• 0:24
  not
• 0:24
  have
• 0:24
  ever
• 0:25
  heard,
• 0:25
  actually.
• 0:25
  It's
• 0:26
  called
• 0:26
  high
• 0:26
  conflict
• 0:27
  parenting.
• 0:28
  We
• 0:28
  also
• 0:28
  talked
• 0:28
  about
• 0:29
  emotional
• 0:29
  invalidation
• 0:30
  and
• 0:30
  how
• 0:31
  that
• 0:31
  shapes
• 0:31
  you
• 0:31
  long
• 0:32
  after
• 0:32
  childhood.
• 0:33
  She
• 0:33
  talked
• 0:33
  about
• 0:34
  how
• 0:34
  growing
• 0:34
  up
• 0:34
  with
• 0:34
  these
• 0:34
  high
• 0:35
  conflict
• 0:35
  parents
• 0:36
  can
• 0:36
  keep
• 0:36
  you
• 0:36
  stuck
• 0:36
  in
• 0:36
  patterns
• 0:37
  of
• 0:37
  self-doubt,
• 0:38
  hypervigilance
• 0:39
  and
• 0:39
  low
• 0:39
  self-worth
• 0:40
  for
• 0:40
  years
• 0:41
  if
• 0:41
  you
• 0:41
  don't
• 0:41
  understand
• 0:42
  what's
• 0:42
  actually
• 0:42
  happening.
• 0:43
  And
• 0:43
  today,
• 0:44
  what
• 0:44
  I
• 0:44
  wanna
• 0:44
  do
• 0:44
  is
• 0:44
  I
• 0:44
  wanna
• 0:45
  pull
• 0:45
  something
• 0:45
  out
• 0:45
  of
• 0:45
  the
• 0:45
  conversation
• 0:46
  that
• 0:46
  I
• 0:46
  think
• 0:47
  is
• 0:47
  going
• 0:47
  to
• 0:47
  land
• 0:47
  for
• 0:48
  a
• 0:48
  whole
• 0:48
  lot
• 0:48
  of
• 0:48
  you.
• 0:49
  So
• 0:50
  many
• 0:50
  of
• 0:50
  us
• 0:50
  are
• 0:50
  walking
• 0:51
  around
• 0:51
  thinking,
• 0:52
  I'm
• 0:52
  just
• 0:53
  anxious.
• 0:53
  I
• 0:53
  overthink
• 0:54
  everything.
• 0:54
  I
• 0:54
  can't
• 0:55
  relax.
• 0:55
  I'm
• 0:55
  too
• 0:56
  emotional.
• 0:56
  I
• 0:56
  just
• 0:56
  need
• 0:57
  to
• 0:57
  get
• 0:57
  it
• 0:57
  together.
• 0:58
  And
• 0:58
  what
• 0:58
  you
• 0:59
  might
• 0:59
  not
• 0:59
  realize
• 0:59
  is,
• 1:00
  even
• 1:00
  though
• 1:00
  you
• 1:00
  know
• 1:00
  all
• 1:01
  this
• 1:01
  stuff,
• 1:01
  logically,
• 1:02
  it
• 1:02
  may
• 1:02
  be
• 1:03
  that
• 1:03
  your
• 1:03
  nervous
• 1:03
  system
• 1:04
  is
• 1:04
  stuck
• 1:04
  in
• 1:04
  survival
• 1:05
  mode.
• 1:05
  And
• 1:05
  that
• 1:06
  does
• 1:06
  not
• 1:06
  mean
• 1:06
  that
• 1:06
  there's
• 1:06
  anything
• 1:07
  wrong
• 1:07
  with
• 1:07
  you.
• 1:08
  It
• 1:08
  means
• 1:08
  your
• 1:09
  body
• 1:09
  learned
• 1:09
  to
• 1:09
  adapt
• 1:10
  in
• 1:10
  an
• 1:10
  environment
• 1:11
  where
• 1:11
  it
• 1:11
  did
• 1:11
  not
• 1:11
  feel
• 1:11
  emotionally
• 1:12
  safe.
• 1:13
  So
• 1:13
  today
• 1:13
  what
• 1:14
  I'm
• 1:14
  going
• 1:14
  to
• 1:14
  give
• 1:14
  you
• 1:15
  is
• 1:15
  I
• 1:15
  wanna
• 1:16
  give
• 1:16
  you
• 1:16
  five
• 1:16
  signs.
• 1:17
  Your
• 1:17
  nervous
• 1:17
  system
• 1:17
  is
• 1:17
  still
• 1:18
  operating
• 1:18
  from
• 1:18
  survival
• 1:19
  and
• 1:19
  not
• 1:20
  safety,
• 1:20
  and
• 1:21
  I
• 1:21
  really
• 1:21
  want
• 1:21
  you
• 1:21
  to
• 1:22
  listen
• 1:22
  to
• 1:22
  these,
• 1:22
  even
• 1:23
  write
• 1:23
  'em
• 1:23
  down
• 1:23
  if
• 1:23
  you
• 1:23
  have
• 1:24
  to.
• 1:24
  Not
• 1:24
  from
• 1:24
  a
• 1:24
  place
• 1:25
  of
• 1:25
  judging
• 1:25
  yourself,
• 1:26
  but
• 1:26
  from
• 1:26
  a
• 1:26
  place
• 1:27
  of
• 1:27
  understanding
• 1:28
  yourself.
• 1:28
  Because
• 1:29
  it's
• 1:29
  awareness
• 1:30
  and
• 1:30
  becoming
• 1:30
  aware
• 1:30
  of
• 1:30
  your
• 1:31
  patterns
• 1:31
  and
• 1:31
  why
• 1:32
  you
• 1:32
  are
• 1:32
  the
• 1:32
  way
• 1:32
  you
• 1:32
  are.
• 1:33
  That
• 1:33
  starts
• 1:34
  to
• 1:34
  shift
• 1:34
  everything.
• 1:36
  So
• 1:36
  here
• 1:36
  we
• 1:36
  go.
• 1:37
  Number
• 1:37
  one,
• 1:37
  you
• 1:38
  feel
• 1:38
  on
• 1:38
  edge
• 1:38
  even
• 1:39
  when
• 1:39
  nothing
• 1:39
  is
• 1:39
  wrong.
• 1:40
  This
• 1:40
  is
• 1:40
  one
• 1:40
  of
• 1:41
  the
• 1:41
  biggest
• 1:41
  signs.
• 1:41
  tight.
• 1:42
  Your
• 1:42
  shoulders
• 1:43
  may
• 1:43
  be
• 1:43
  up,
• 1:43
  your
• 1:44
  chest
• 1:44
  may
• 1:44
  feel
• 1:44
  heavy,
• 1:45
  your
• 1:45
  stomach
• 1:45
  may
• 1:46
  feel
• 1:46
  unsettled.
• 1:47
  Your
• 1:47
  mind
• 1:47
  might
• 1:48
  be
• 1:48
  scanning,
• 1:48
  scanning,
• 1:49
  scanning,
• 1:49
  literally
• 1:50
  looking
• 1:50
  around.
• 1:50
  It's
• 1:51
  called
• 1:51
  hyper
• 1:51
  vigilance.
• 1:52
  You
• 1:52
  might
• 1:52
  even
• 1:52
  ask
• 1:53
  yourself
• 1:53
  things
• 1:53
  like,
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  don't
• 1:54
  know
• 1:54
  why
• 1:54
  I
• 1:54
  feel
• 1:54
  this
• 1:55
  way.
• 1:55
  I
• 1:55
  just
• 1:56
  can't
• 1:56
  seem
• 1:56
  to
• 1:56
  settle
• 1:56
  down.
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  feel
• 1:57
  like
• 1:57
  something
• 1:58
  bad
• 1:58
  is
• 1:58
  about
• 1:58
  to
• 1:59
  happen.
• 2:00
  What's
• 2:00
  so
• 2:00
  important
• 2:01
  to
• 2:01
  understand
• 2:01
  here
• 2:02
  is
• 2:02
  that
• 2:02
  this
• 2:02
  is
• 2:03
  not
• 2:03
  your
• 2:03
  body
• 2:03
  being
• 2:04
  dramatic.
• 2:04
  This
• 2:05
  is
• 2:05
  your
• 2:05
  body
• 2:05
  doing
• 2:06
  what
• 2:06
  it
• 2:06
  learned
• 2:06
  to
• 2:06
  do,
• 2:08
  because
• 2:08
  if
• 2:08
  you
• 2:08
  grow
• 2:08
  up
• 2:08
  in
• 2:09
  chaos,
• 2:10
  if
• 2:10
  you
• 2:10
  grow
• 2:10
  up
• 2:10
  with
• 2:10
  emotional
• 2:11
  unpredictability,
• 2:12
  if
• 2:12
  you
• 2:12
  grew
• 2:12
  up
• 2:12
  with
• 2:12
  a
• 2:12
  parent
• 2:13
  whose
• 2:13
  mood
• 2:13
  could
• 2:13
  change
• 2:14
  the
• 2:14
  whole
• 2:14
  room,
• 2:15
  then
• 2:16
  your
• 2:16
  body
• 2:16
  learned
• 2:17
  it's
• 2:17
  safer
• 2:17
  to
• 2:18
  stay
• 2:18
  ready
• 2:18
  than
• 2:19
  to
• 2:19
  relax.
• 2:20
  Dr.
• 2:20
  Tracy
• 2:20
  talked
• 2:21
  about
• 2:21
  this
• 2:21
  so
• 2:21
  well
• 2:22
  when
• 2:22
  she's
• 2:22
  described
• 2:23
  hypervigilance
• 2:24
  and
• 2:24
  how
• 2:24
  some
• 2:24
  people
• 2:25
  don't
• 2:25
  even
• 2:25
  realize
• 2:25
  they're
• 2:26
  living
• 2:26
  in
• 2:26
  a
• 2:26
  constant
• 2:27
  state
• 2:27
  of
• 2:27
  tension
• 2:27
  because
• 2:28
  it's
• 2:28
  literally
• 2:28
  become
• 2:29
  their
• 2:29
  baseline.
• 2:30
  So
• 2:30
  if
• 2:30
  you
• 2:30
  feel
• 2:30
  on
• 2:31
  edge,
• 2:31
  even
• 2:31
  when
• 2:31
  nothing
• 2:32
  is
• 2:32
  wrong,
• 2:32
  that
• 2:33
  doesn't
• 2:33
  mean
• 2:33
  you're
• 2:33
  broken.
• 2:34
  It
• 2:34
  means
• 2:34
  your
• 2:34
  system
• 2:35
  has
• 2:35
  not
• 2:35
  fully
• 2:35
  learned
• 2:36
  that
• 2:36
  this
• 2:36
  moment
• 2:37
  right
• 2:37
  now,
• 2:38
  right
• 2:38
  here,
• 2:38
  what
• 2:38
  your
• 2:38
  experiences
• 2:40
  is
• 2:40
  actually
• 2:40
  different
• 2:40
  from
• 2:40
  the
• 2:41
  past.
• 2:42
  Number
• 2:42
  two,
• 2:43
  you
• 2:43
  overanalyze
• 2:44
  people's
• 2:44
  tone,
• 2:45
  text,
• 2:45
  or
• 2:45
  behavior.
• 2:46
  This
• 2:46
  one
• 2:46
  is
• 2:47
  so
• 2:47
  common
• 2:48
  so
• 2:48
  someone
• 2:48
  sends
• 2:49
  a
• 2:49
  short
• 2:49
  text,
• 2:49
  someone
• 2:50
  seems
• 2:50
  a
• 2:50
  little
• 2:50
  off,
• 2:51
  someone
• 2:51
  doesn't
• 2:51
  respond
• 2:52
  right
• 2:52
  away,
• 2:52
  someone's
• 2:53
  tone
• 2:53
  changes
• 2:54
  just
• 2:54
  a
• 2:54
  bit.
• 2:55
  Suddenly
• 2:56
  your
• 2:56
  brain
• 2:56
  is
• 2:57
  literally
• 2:57
  off
• 2:57
  to
• 2:57
  the
• 2:57
  races.
• 2:58
  These
• 2:59
  are
• 2:59
  the
• 2:59
  things
• 2:59
  that
• 2:59
  might
• 2:59
  go
• 3:00
  through
• 3:00
  your
• 3:00
  head.
• 3:00
  So
• 3:01
  I
• 3:01
  want
• 3:01
  you
• 3:01
  to
• 3:01
  let
• 3:01
  me
• 3:01
  know
• 3:02
  if
• 3:02
  this
• 3:02
  resonates
• 3:02
  with
• 3:03
  you.
• 3:03
  What
• 3:03
  did
• 3:03
  I
• 3:03
  do?
• 3:04
  Are
• 3:04
  they
• 3:04
  mad?
• 3:05
  Did
• 3:05
  I
• 3:05
  say
• 3:05
  something
• 3:05
  wrong?
• 3:06
  Are
• 3:06
  they
• 3:06
  pulling
• 3:06
  away?
• 3:07
  Do
• 3:07
  I
• 3:07
  need
• 3:07
  to
• 3:07
  fix
• 3:08
  this?
• 3:08
  And
• 3:08
  here's
• 3:09
  the
• 3:09
  thing.
• 3:10
  You
• 3:10
  probably
• 3:11
  got
• 3:11
  really,
• 3:12
  good
• 3:12
  at
• 3:12
  reading
• 3:12
  people.
• 3:13
  You
• 3:13
  may
• 3:14
  be
• 3:14
  the
• 3:14
  person
• 3:14
  who
• 3:14
  can
• 3:14
  walk
• 3:15
  into
• 3:15
  a
• 3:15
  room
• 3:15
  and
• 3:16
  instantly
• 3:16
  feel
• 3:16
  the
• 3:16
  energy.
• 3:17
  You
• 3:17
  might
• 3:18
  even
• 3:18
  be
• 3:18
  the
• 3:18
  person
• 3:18
  who
• 3:19
  can
• 3:19
  tell
• 3:19
  when
• 3:19
  someone
• 3:19
  is
• 3:20
  upset
• 3:20
  before
• 3:20
  they
• 3:20
  even
• 3:21
  say
• 3:21
  anything.
• 3:22
  You
• 3:22
  may
• 3:22
  be
• 3:22
  the
• 3:23
  person
• 3:23
  who
• 3:23
  notices
• 3:23
  the
• 3:24
  smallest
• 3:24
  shift
• 3:24
  in
• 3:24
  tone
• 3:25
  or
• 3:25
  body
• 3:25
  language.
• 3:26
  And
• 3:27
  a
• 3:27
  lot
• 3:27
  of
• 3:27
  times
• 3:27
  people
• 3:28
  call
• 3:28
  that
• 3:28
  intuition.
• 3:29
  Sometimes
• 3:30
  it
• 3:30
  is
• 3:30
  intuition,
• 3:31
  but
• 3:31
  sometimes
• 3:32
  it's
• 3:32
  a
• 3:33
  nervous
• 3:33
  system
• 3:33
  that
• 3:33
  learned
• 3:34
  to
• 3:34
  survive
• 3:34
  by
• 3:34
  reading
• 3:34
  the
• 3:35
  room.
• 3:35
  Because
• 3:36
  if
• 3:36
  you
• 3:36
  grew
• 3:36
  up
• 3:36
  in
• 3:36
  those
• 3:37
  homes
• 3:37
  where
• 3:37
  moods
• 3:38
  mattered,
• 3:38
  where
• 3:38
  tone
• 3:39
  mattered,
• 3:39
  where
• 3:39
  one
• 3:40
  look
• 3:40
  could
• 3:40
  mean
• 3:40
  something
• 3:40
  was
• 3:41
  about
• 3:41
  to
• 3:41
  happen,
• 3:42
  then
• 3:42
  your
• 3:42
  body
• 3:42
  learned
• 3:43
  to
• 3:43
  decode
• 3:44
  subtle
• 3:44
  cues
• 3:44
  fast.
• 3:45
  That
• 3:46
  was
• 3:46
  protective
• 3:46
  then.
• 3:47
  But
• 3:47
  what
• 3:48
  about
• 3:48
  now?
• 3:49
  Literally
• 3:49
  now
• 3:50
  it
• 3:50
  can
• 3:50
  make
• 3:50
  everyday
• 3:51
  relationships
• 3:51
  feel
• 3:52
  exhausting.
• 3:53
  Now
• 3:53
  your
• 3:53
  body
• 3:54
  reacts
• 3:54
  to
• 3:54
  uncertainty
• 3:55
  like
• 3:55
  it's
• 3:55
  danger,
• 3:56
  and
• 3:57
  again,
• 3:57
  that's
• 3:57
  not
• 3:57
  because
• 3:58
  you're
• 3:58
  weak,
• 3:59
  it's
• 3:59
  because
• 3:59
  your
• 3:59
  body
• 3:59
  got
• 4:00
  really
• 4:00
  skilled
• 4:00
  at
• 4:01
  pattern
• 4:01
  detection.
• 4:02
  Number
• 4:03
  three,
• 4:04
  you
• 4:04
  feel
• 4:04
  responsible
• 4:05
  for
• 4:05
  other
• 4:06
  people's
• 4:06
  emotions.
• 4:07
  This
• 4:07
  one
• 4:08
  can
• 4:08
  look
• 4:08
  like
• 4:08
  being
• 4:09
  the
• 4:09
  helpful
• 4:10
  one.
• 4:10
  If
• 4:11
  someone
• 4:11
  is
• 4:11
  upset,
• 4:11
  you
• 4:12
  feel
• 4:12
  it.
• 4:12
  If
• 4:12
  someone
• 4:12
  is
• 4:13
  quiet,
• 4:13
  you
• 4:13
  notice
• 4:14
  it.
• 4:14
  If
• 4:14
  someone
• 4:14
  is
• 4:14
  disappointed,
• 4:15
  frustrated,
• 4:16
  withdrawn,
• 4:16
  angry,
• 4:17
  overwhelmed,
• 4:18
  you
• 4:18
  don't
• 4:18
  just
• 4:18
  observe
• 4:19
  it.
• 4:19
  But
• 4:19
  no.
• 4:20
  If
• 4:20
  you
• 4:20
  grew
• 4:21
  up
• 4:21
  like
• 4:21
  this,
• 4:21
  what
• 4:21
  happens
• 4:22
  is
• 4:22
  you
• 4:22
  jump
• 4:23
  in
• 4:23
  and
• 4:23
  you
• 4:23
  feel
• 4:23
  like
• 4:23
  you
• 4:24
  need
• 4:24
  to
• 4:24
  do
• 4:24
  something
• 4:24
  about
• 4:25
  it.
• 4:25
  You
• 4:25
  might
• 4:26
  try
• 4:26
  to
• 4:26
  fix
• 4:26
  it.
• 4:26
  You
• 4:27
  might
• 4:27
  try
• 4:27
  to
• 4:27
  smooth
• 4:27
  it
• 4:27
  over.
• 4:28
  Make
• 4:28
  conversation
• 4:29
  lighter.
• 4:29
  Explain
• 4:30
  yourself
• 4:31
  over,
• 4:31
  give
• 4:31
  over,
• 4:32
  accommodate,
• 4:32
  over
• 4:33
  function.
• 4:34
  And
• 4:34
  a
• 4:34
  lot
• 4:34
  of
• 4:34
  people
• 4:34
  think
• 4:35
  this
• 4:35
  means
• 4:35
  they're
• 4:35
  just
• 4:35
  being
• 4:36
  caring.
• 4:37
  And
• 4:37
  yes,
• 4:38
  you
• 4:38
  probably
• 4:38
  are
• 4:38
  caring,
• 4:39
  but
• 4:40
  for
• 4:40
  many
• 4:40
  people
• 4:40
  this
• 4:41
  goes
• 4:41
  much
• 4:41
  deeper
• 4:41
  than
• 4:42
  kindness.
• 4:42
  This
• 4:43
  is
• 4:43
  what
• 4:43
  happens
• 4:43
  when
• 4:43
  your
• 4:43
  nervous
• 4:44
  system
• 4:44
  learned
• 4:44
  that
• 4:44
  other
• 4:45
  people's
• 4:45
  emotional
• 4:45
  states
• 4:46
  affected
• 4:47
  your
• 4:47
  safety.
• 4:48
  So
• 4:48
  if
• 4:48
  mom
• 4:49
  was
• 4:49
  in
• 4:49
  a
• 4:49
  good
• 4:49
  mood,
• 4:49
  if
• 4:50
  Dad
• 4:50
  came
• 4:50
  home
• 4:50
  angry,
• 4:51
  if
• 4:51
  disconnection
• 4:52
  meant
• 4:52
  punishment,
• 4:53
  then
• 4:54
  your
• 4:54
  body
• 4:54
  learned
• 4:55
  a
• 4:55
  specific
• 4:55
  message,
• 4:56
  and
• 4:56
  that
• 4:57
  is,
• 4:57
  I
• 4:57
  need
• 4:57
  to
• 4:57
  manage
• 4:58
  the
• 4:58
  emotional
• 4:59
  environment
• 4:59
  around
• 5:00
  me.
• 5:00
  This
• 5:00
  is
• 5:01
  survival.
• 5:02
  That's
• 5:02
  not
• 5:02
  being
• 5:03
  you.
• 5:03
  That's
• 5:04
  your
• 5:04
  system
• 5:04
  trying
• 5:04
  to
• 5:04
  prevent
• 5:05
  pain
• 5:06
  before
• 5:06
  it
• 5:06
  happens.
• 5:07
  Unfortunately,
• 5:08
  over
• 5:08
  time
• 5:09
  what
• 5:09
  happens
• 5:09
  is
• 5:09
  it
• 5:09
  creates
• 5:10
  a
• 5:10
  very
• 5:10
  exhausting
• 5:11
  pattern
• 5:12
  where
• 5:12
  you
• 5:12
  stop
• 5:12
  asking,
• 5:13
  what
• 5:13
  do
• 5:13
  I
• 5:13
  need?
• 5:14
  You
• 5:14
  start
• 5:15
  living
• 5:15
  in
• 5:15
  this,
• 5:16
  what
• 5:16
  do
• 5:16
  they
• 5:16
  need
• 5:16
  so
• 5:17
  that
• 5:17
  everything
• 5:17
  stays
• 5:18
  okay.
• 5:18
  Mentality.
• 5:20
  That
• 5:20
  is
• 5:20
  not
• 5:20
  peace,
• 5:21
  that
• 5:21
  is
• 5:22
  survival,
• 5:22
  dressed
• 5:23
  up
• 5:23
  as
• 5:23
  helpfulness.
• 5:25
  And
• 5:25
  I
• 5:25
  know
• 5:25
  that
• 5:25
  sounds
• 5:26
  so
• 5:26
  crazy,
• 5:26
  but
• 5:27
  I
• 5:27
  know
• 5:27
  some
• 5:28
  of
• 5:28
  you
• 5:28
  can
• 5:28
  resonate
• 5:29
  with
• 5:29
  this
• 5:29
  so
• 5:29
  much.
• 5:30
  It's,
• 5:30
  it's
• 5:31
  just
• 5:31
  being
• 5:31
  completely
• 5:32
  dependent
• 5:32
  on
• 5:32
  other
• 5:33
  people's
• 5:33
  emotions
• 5:33
  for
• 5:33
  your
• 5:34
  own
• 5:34
  happiness.
• 5:35
  Number
• 5:35
  four,
• 5:37
  you
• 5:37
  struggle
• 5:38
  to
• 5:38
  trust
• 5:38
  calm.
• 5:40
  This
• 5:40
  one
• 5:40
  is
• 5:40
  really
• 5:41
  sneaky.
• 5:43
  If
• 5:43
  I
• 5:43
  asked
• 5:43
  you
• 5:43
  what
• 5:43
  you'd
• 5:44
  want,
• 5:44
  you'd
• 5:44
  probably
• 5:44
  say,
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  want
• 5:45
  peace.
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  want
• 5:46
  calm,
• 5:46
  I
• 5:46
  want
• 5:46
  stability.
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  want
• 5:47
  consistency.
• 5:48
  I
• 5:48
  want
• 5:49
  healthy
• 5:49
  love.
• 5:50
  I
• 5:50
  want
• 5:50
  all
• 5:50
  of
• 5:50
  those
• 5:51
  things.
• 5:51
  That's
• 5:51
  what
• 5:51
  you
• 5:52
  want.
• 5:53
  But
• 5:53
  then
• 5:53
  what
• 5:54
  hap
• 5:54
  happens
• 5:55
  when
• 5:55
  things
• 5:56
  are
• 5:56
  a
• 5:56
  little
• 5:56
  calm?
• 5:57
  When
• 5:57
  someone
• 5:58
  is
• 5:58
  steady,
• 5:58
  when
• 5:58
  there's
• 5:59
  no
• 5:59
  drama,
• 5:59
  there's
• 6:00
  no
• 6:00
  yelling,
• 6:00
  no
• 6:00
  one
• 6:00
  is
• 6:01
  pulling
• 6:01
  away.
• 6:03
  When
• 6:03
  things
• 6:03
  actually
• 6:04
  start
• 6:04
  to
• 6:04
  feel
• 6:05
  a
• 6:05
  little
• 6:05
  kind
• 6:05
  of
• 6:05
  normal,
• 6:06
  you
• 6:06
  start
• 6:07
  feeling
• 6:07
  weird.
• 6:08
  You
• 6:08
  get
• 6:08
  restless,
• 6:09
  you
• 6:09
  get
• 6:09
  uncomfortable,
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  get
• 6:10
  bored,
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  get
• 6:11
  suspicious
• 6:12
  like
• 6:12
  there's
• 6:12
  something
• 6:12
  missing
• 6:13
  in
• 6:13
  your
• 6:13
  life.
• 6:13
  That
• 6:13
  is
• 6:14
  why
• 6:14
  a
• 6:14
  lot
• 6:14
  of
• 6:15
  people
• 6:15
  that
• 6:15
  grew
• 6:15
  up
• 6:15
  in
• 6:15
  chaos
• 6:16
  are
• 6:16
  literally
• 6:17
  addicted
• 6:17
  to
• 6:17
  trauma.
• 6:18
  feel
• 6:18
  like
• 6:19
  something
• 6:19
  big
• 6:19
  is
• 6:19
  about
• 6:20
  to
• 6:20
  happen.
• 6:21
  And
• 6:21
  Dr.
• 6:21
  Tracy
• 6:22
  talked
• 6:22
  about
• 6:22
  this
• 6:22
  too,
• 6:23
  how
• 6:23
  someone
• 6:23
  can
• 6:24
  be
• 6:24
  attracted
• 6:24
  to
• 6:24
  what
• 6:25
  is
• 6:25
  familiar,
• 6:25
  even
• 6:26
  if
• 6:26
  what
• 6:26
  is
• 6:26
  familiar
• 6:27
  is
• 6:27
  emotionally
• 6:28
  unhealthy
• 6:29
  because
• 6:29
  the
• 6:29
  body
• 6:29
  is
• 6:30
  conditioned
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  activation.
• 6:33
  So
• 6:34
  Healthy
• 6:34
  can
• 6:34
  feel
• 6:34
  boring,
• 6:35
  calm,
• 6:35
  can
• 6:36
  feel
• 6:36
  suspicious.
• 6:37
  can
• 6:37
  feel
• 6:37
  unfamiliar,
• 6:39
  and
• 6:39
  that's
• 6:39
  such
• 6:39
  an
• 6:39
  important
• 6:40
  word
• 6:40
  here.
• 6:41
  Unfamiliar,
• 6:43
  not
• 6:43
  wrong,
• 6:43
  not
• 6:44
  bad,
• 6:45
  not
• 6:45
  even
• 6:45
  unsafe.
• 6:46
  Just
• 6:47
  unfamiliar.
• 6:49
  I
• 6:49
  know
• 6:49
  my
• 6:49
  very
• 6:50
  first
• 6:50
  peaceful
• 6:50
  and,
• 6:51
  and
• 6:51
  stable
• 6:52
  relationship.
• 6:54
  Felt
• 6:54
  so
• 6:55
  weird
• 6:55
  to
• 6:56
  me.
• 6:56
  It
• 6:56
  was
• 6:56
  like
• 6:56
  I
• 6:56
  was
• 6:56
  waiting
• 6:57
  for
• 6:57
  something
• 6:57
  bad
• 6:58
  to
• 6:58
  happen.
• 6:58
  I
• 6:58
  was
• 6:58
  waiting
• 6:59
  for
• 6:59
  the
• 6:59
  next
• 6:59
  bad
• 6:59
  thing.
• 7:00
  I
• 7:00
  was
• 7:00
  waiting
• 7:00
  for
• 7:00
  that
• 7:00
  snarky
• 7:01
  comment,
• 7:02
  and
• 7:02
  I
• 7:02
  just
• 7:02
  kept
• 7:02
  waiting
• 7:03
  and
• 7:03
  it
• 7:03
  never
• 7:03
  came,
• 7:05
  but
• 7:05
  it
• 7:05
  just
• 7:05
  felt
• 7:05
  very
• 7:06
  uncomfortable.
• 7:07
  Honestly,
• 7:08
  if
• 7:08
  your
• 7:08
  body
• 7:09
  grew
• 7:09
  up
• 7:10
  equating
• 7:10
  intensity
• 7:11
  with
• 7:12
  connection,
• 7:12
  drama
• 7:13
  with
• 7:13
  aliveness,
• 7:14
  unpredictability,
• 7:15
  with
• 7:16
  love,
• 7:17
  and
• 7:17
  of
• 7:17
  course
• 7:18
  it
• 7:18
  makes
• 7:18
  total
• 7:19
  sense,
• 7:19
  that
• 7:19
  calm
• 7:20
  is
• 7:20
  going
• 7:20
  to
• 7:20
  feel
• 7:20
  a
• 7:20
  little
• 7:21
  strange.
• 7:21
  So
• 7:22
  if
• 7:22
  you
• 7:22
  struggle
• 7:22
  to
• 7:22
  trust
• 7:23
  calm,
• 7:23
  don't
• 7:23
  shame
• 7:24
  yourself
• 7:24
  for
• 7:24
  that.
• 7:25
  Just
• 7:25
  understand
• 7:26
  your
• 7:26
  nervous
• 7:27
  system
• 7:27
  may
• 7:27
  still
• 7:27
  be
• 7:28
  learning
• 7:28
  that
• 7:28
  peace
• 7:28
  is
• 7:29
  not
• 7:29
  a
• 7:29
  trap.
• 7:30
  Not
• 7:30
  everything
• 7:31
  is
• 7:31
  bad,
• 7:31
  not
• 7:31
  everything.
• 7:32
  There's
• 7:32
  not
• 7:33
  a
• 7:33
  bad
• 7:33
  thing
• 7:33
  after
• 7:34
  every
• 7:34
  good
• 7:34
  thing.
• 7:35
  So
• 7:36
  just
• 7:36
  learn
• 7:36
  to
• 7:37
  sit
• 7:37
  with
• 7:37
  that
• 7:37
  for
• 7:37
  a
• 7:37
  minute.
• 7:38
  So
• 7:39
  the
• 7:39
  last
• 7:39
  one
• 7:40
  I'm
• 7:40
  gonna
• 7:40
  talk
• 7:40
  about
• 7:40
  is
• 7:41
  that
• 7:41
  you
• 7:41
  question
• 7:41
  yourself
• 7:42
  constantly.
• 7:43
  This
• 7:43
  one
• 7:44
  runs
• 7:44
  very
• 7:45
  deep.
• 7:46
  You
• 7:46
  don't
• 7:46
  trust
• 7:46
  yourself.
• 7:47
  You
• 7:47
  second
• 7:47
  guess
• 7:47
  your
• 7:48
  reactions.
• 7:48
  You
• 7:48
  second
• 7:49
  guess
• 7:49
  your
• 7:49
  words.
• 7:50
  You
• 7:50
  second
• 7:50
  guess
• 7:50
  your
• 7:50
  decisions.
• 7:51
  You
• 7:52
  replay
• 7:52
  conversations
• 7:53
  in
• 7:53
  your
• 7:53
  head
• 7:53
  over
• 7:54
  and
• 7:54
  over
• 7:54
  and
• 7:55
  over
• 7:55
  again.
• 7:56
  You
• 7:56
  wonder
• 7:56
  if
• 7:56
  you're
• 7:57
  the
• 7:57
  problem.
• 7:57
  You
• 7:57
  wonder
• 7:58
  if
• 7:58
  you
• 7:58
  took
• 7:58
  it
• 7:58
  the
• 7:58
  wrong
• 7:59
  way.
• 7:59
  You
• 7:59
  wonder
• 7:59
  if
• 7:59
  maybe
• 8:00
  you're
• 8:00
  just
• 8:00
  too
• 8:00
  sensitive.
• 8:01
  And
• 8:01
  what
• 8:01
  that
• 8:02
  does
• 8:02
  over
• 8:02
  time
• 8:03
  is
• 8:04
  erodes
• 8:05
  self-trust.
• 8:06
  You
• 8:06
  stop
• 8:06
  learning
• 8:07
  to
• 8:07
  listen
• 8:07
  to
• 8:08
  your
• 8:08
  own
• 8:08
  instincts.
• 8:09
  You
• 8:09
  stop
• 8:09
  trusting
• 8:10
  what
• 8:10
  you
• 8:10
  feel.
• 8:10
  You
• 8:10
  stop
• 8:11
  trusting
• 8:11
  what
• 8:11
  you
• 8:11
  know
• 8:12
  and
• 8:12
  why
• 8:13
  does
• 8:13
  this
• 8:13
  happen?
• 8:14
  If
• 8:15
  you
• 8:15
  grew
• 8:15
  up
• 8:15
  in
• 8:15
  an
• 8:15
  environment
• 8:16
  where
• 8:16
  your
• 8:16
  emotions
• 8:16
  were
• 8:16
  dismissed,
• 8:17
  minimized,
• 8:18
  mocked,
• 8:18
  invalidated,
• 8:19
  or
• 8:19
  turned
• 8:19
  back
• 8:20
  around
• 8:20
  on
• 8:20
  you,
• 8:21
  then
• 8:21
  you
• 8:21
  learn
• 8:22
  not
• 8:22
  to
• 8:22
  trust
• 8:22
  your
• 8:22
  inner
• 8:23
  experience.
• 8:24
  So
• 8:24
  now,
• 8:24
  instead
• 8:25
  of
• 8:25
  saying,
• 8:25
  that
• 8:25
  hurt
• 8:26
  me,
• 8:27
  you
• 8:27
  say,
• 8:27
  maybe
• 8:28
  I'm
• 8:28
  overreacting.
• 8:29
  Instead
• 8:29
  of
• 8:29
  saying,
• 8:30
  that
• 8:30
  didn't
• 8:30
  feel
• 8:30
  right,
• 8:31
  you
• 8:31
  say,
• 8:31
  maybe
• 8:31
  I'm
• 8:32
  just
• 8:32
  making
• 8:32
  too
• 8:32
  big
• 8:32
  a
• 8:32
  deal
• 8:33
  out
• 8:33
  of
• 8:33
  this.
• 8:34
  This
• 8:34
  is
• 8:34
  what
• 8:34
  happens
• 8:34
  when
• 8:34
  your
• 8:35
  real
• 8:35
  reality
• 8:36
  has
• 8:36
  been
• 8:36
  challenged
• 8:36
  for
• 8:37
  too
• 8:37
  long.
• 8:38
  You
• 8:38
  become
• 8:38
  disconnected
• 8:39
  from
• 8:39
  your
• 8:39
  own
• 8:39
  knowing,
• 8:40
  and
• 8:41
  that
• 8:41
  disconnect
• 8:41
  can
• 8:41
  follow
• 8:42
  you
• 8:42
  for
• 8:42
  years
• 8:43
  if
• 8:43
  you
• 8:43
  don't
• 8:43
  start
• 8:43
  rebuilding
• 8:43
  trust
• 8:44
  with
• 8:44
  yourself.
• 8:45
  None
• 8:45
  of
• 8:45
  these
• 8:45
  signs
• 8:46
  mean
• 8:46
  something
• 8:46
  is
• 8:47
  wrong
• 8:47
  with
• 8:47
  you.
• 8:48
  They
• 8:48
  mean
• 8:48
  your
• 8:48
  nervous
• 8:49
  system
• 8:49
  adapted
• 8:49
  really
• 8:50
  well
• 8:50
  to
• 8:50
  an
• 8:50
  environment
• 8:51
  that
• 8:51
  didn't
• 8:51
  feel
• 8:51
  safe.
• 8:52
  That's
• 8:52
  what
• 8:52
  survival
• 8:53
  mode
• 8:53
  is.
• 8:54
  It's
• 8:54
  not
• 8:54
  weakness,
• 8:54
  it's
• 8:55
  not
• 8:55
  brokenness,
• 8:56
  it's
• 8:56
  not
• 8:56
  failure.
• 8:57
  It's
• 8:57
  adaptation.
• 8:58
  This
• 8:58
  is
• 8:59
  exactly
• 8:59
  why
• 8:59
  the
• 8:59
  comfort,
• 9:00
  and
• 9:01
  this
• 9:01
  is
• 9:01
  exactly
• 9:01
  why
• 9:02
  that
• 9:02
  conversation
• 9:02
  with
• 9:02
  Dr.
• 9:03
  Tracy
• 9:03
  Hutchinson
• 9:04
  mattered
• 9:04
  so
• 9:04
  much.
• 9:05
  Because
• 9:06
  once
• 9:06
  you
• 9:06
  can
• 9:06
  name
• 9:06
  the
• 9:07
  pattern,
• 9:07
  you
• 9:08
  stop
• 9:08
  personalizing
• 9:09
  it.
• 9:09
  You
• 9:09
  stop
• 9:10
  saying
• 9:10
  what's
• 9:10
  wrong
• 9:10
  with
• 9:10
  me?
• 9:11
  And
• 9:11
  you
• 9:11
  start
• 9:11
  saying,
• 9:12
  oh,
• 9:12
  this
• 9:13
  makes
• 9:13
  sense.
• 9:14
  And
• 9:14
  that
• 9:14
  shift
• 9:15
  right
• 9:15
  there
• 9:15
  where
• 9:15
  you
• 9:15
  start
• 9:16
  questioning
• 9:16
  it
• 9:16
  and
• 9:17
  being
• 9:17
  curious
• 9:17
  instead
• 9:18
  of
• 9:18
  judging
• 9:18
  yourself,
• 9:19
  that
• 9:19
  is
• 9:20
  the
• 9:20
  shift
• 9:20
  that
• 9:20
  needs
• 9:21
  to
• 9:21
  start
• 9:22
  happening.
• 9:22
  That's
• 9:22
  huge
• 9:23
  because
• 9:24
  you
• 9:24
  cannot
• 9:24
  change
• 9:24
  a
• 9:24
  pattern
• 9:25
  that
• 9:25
  you're
• 9:25
  still
• 9:26
  shaming.
• 9:27
  So
• 9:27
  now
• 9:27
  I
• 9:27
  wanna
• 9:28
  give
• 9:28
  you
• 9:28
  that
• 9:28
  practical
• 9:29
  tool,
• 9:29
  and
• 9:29
  the
• 9:29
  next
• 9:30
  time
• 9:30
  one
• 9:30
  of
• 9:30
  these
• 9:31
  signs
• 9:31
  shows
• 9:31
  up,
• 9:32
  the
• 9:32
  next
• 9:32
  time
• 9:32
  your
• 9:32
  body
• 9:33
  tightens,
• 9:33
  your
• 9:33
  thoughts
• 9:34
  start
• 9:34
  spiral,
• 9:35
  spiraling,
• 9:35
  and
• 9:35
  that
• 9:36
  old
• 9:36
  pattern
• 9:36
  kicks
• 9:36
  in.
• 9:37
  I
• 9:37
  do
• 9:38
  not
• 9:38
  want
• 9:38
  your
• 9:39
  first
• 9:39
  question
• 9:39
  to
• 9:39
  be
• 9:40
  what's
• 9:40
  wrong
• 9:40
  with
• 9:40
  me.
• 9:41
  Instead,
• 9:42
  I
• 9:42
  want
• 9:42
  you
• 9:43
  to
• 9:43
  pause
• 9:43
  and
• 9:43
  ask
• 9:44
  what
• 9:44
  does
• 9:44
  my
• 9:45
  body
• 9:45
  think
• 9:45
  is
• 9:45
  happening
• 9:46
  right
• 9:46
  now?
• 9:48
  Not
• 9:48
  what
• 9:48
  is
• 9:48
  actually
• 9:48
  happening?
• 9:49
  What
• 9:49
  does
• 9:50
  your
• 9:50
  body
• 9:50
  think
• 9:51
  is
• 9:51
  happening?
• 9:52
  And
• 9:52
  let
• 9:52
  the
• 9:52
  answer
• 9:52
  come
• 9:53
  up.
• 9:53
  Maybe
• 9:53
  it's,
• 9:54
  I'm
• 9:54
  being
• 9:54
  rejected,
• 9:55
  I'm
• 9:55
  being
• 9:55
  ignored.
• 9:56
  I'm
• 9:56
  about
• 9:56
  to
• 9:56
  get
• 9:57
  in
• 9:57
  trouble.
• 9:57
  I'm
• 9:57
  about
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  get
• 9:58
  abandoned.
• 9:58
  I
• 9:58
  did
• 9:58
  something
• 9:59
  wrong.
• 9:59
  I
• 9:59
  don't
• 9:59
  feel
• 10:00
  safe.
• 10:01
  And
• 10:01
  then
• 10:02
  ask
• 10:02
  yourself,
• 10:03
  what
• 10:03
  is
• 10:03
  actually
• 10:04
  true
• 10:05
  right
• 10:05
  now?
• 10:06
  Now
• 10:06
  this
• 10:07
  is
• 10:07
  the
• 10:07
  moment
• 10:07
  I
• 10:07
  really
• 10:07
  wanna
• 10:08
  slow
• 10:08
  things
• 10:08
  down
• 10:08
  because
• 10:09
  most
• 10:09
  of
• 10:09
  the
• 10:09
  time
• 10:10
  you
• 10:10
  don't
• 10:10
  actually
• 10:11
  know.
• 10:12
  And
• 10:13
  that's
• 10:13
  an
• 10:13
  important
• 10:14
  part
• 10:15
  and
• 10:15
  a
• 10:15
  place
• 10:15
  to
• 10:15
  sit
• 10:16
  for
• 10:16
  just
• 10:16
  a
• 10:16
  second.
• 10:17
  Your
• 10:18
  brain
• 10:18
  hates,
• 10:18
  I
• 10:19
  don't
• 10:19
  know,
• 10:20
  your
• 10:20
  survival
• 10:21
  brain.
• 10:21
  It
• 10:21
  wants
• 10:22
  certainty.
• 10:23
  It
• 10:23
  wants
• 10:23
  to
• 10:23
  rush
• 10:24
  in
• 10:24
  and
• 10:24
  finish
• 10:25
  the
• 10:25
  story.
• 10:26
  It
• 10:26
  wants
• 10:26
  to
• 10:26
  take
• 10:26
  your
• 10:26
  past
• 10:27
  and
• 10:27
  paste
• 10:27
  it
• 10:28
  right
• 10:28
  into
• 10:28
  the
• 10:28
  present.
• 10:29
  It
• 10:29
  wants
• 10:30
  to
• 10:30
  say
• 10:31
  they're
• 10:31
  mad.
• 10:31
  I
• 10:31
  knew
• 10:32
  it.
• 10:32
  See,
• 10:33
  this
• 10:33
  always
• 10:33
  happens.
• 10:34
  I
• 10:34
  need
• 10:34
  to
• 10:34
  do
• 10:34
  something
• 10:35
  right
• 10:35
  now.
• 10:36
  It
• 10:36
  wants
• 10:36
  an
• 10:36
  answer.
• 10:37
  But
• 10:37
  when
• 10:38
  you
• 10:38
  slow
• 10:38
  down
• 10:39
  and
• 10:39
  you
• 10:39
  pause
• 10:40
  and
• 10:40
  you
• 10:41
  allow
• 10:41
  that
• 10:42
  question,
• 10:42
  I
• 10:42
  don't
• 10:43
  actually
• 10:43
  know
• 10:44
  or
• 10:45
  I
• 10:45
  don't
• 10:45
  know
• 10:45
  what
• 10:45
  happened.
• 10:47
  You
• 10:47
  create
• 10:48
  space,
• 10:49
  and
• 10:49
  that
• 10:49
  space
• 10:50
  is
• 10:50
  where
• 10:50
  you
• 10:50
  heal,
• 10:52
  because
• 10:52
  in
• 10:52
  that
• 10:52
  space
• 10:53
  is
• 10:53
  where
• 10:53
  you
• 10:54
  interrupt
• 10:54
  the
• 10:54
  automatic
• 10:55
  pattern.
• 10:55
  You
• 10:56
  stop
• 10:56
  reacting
• 10:56
  as
• 10:56
  if
• 10:57
  the
• 10:57
  past
• 10:57
  is
• 10:57
  happening
• 10:57
  again.
• 10:58
  You
• 10:58
  begin
• 10:59
  separating
• 10:59
  what
• 11:00
  your
• 11:00
  body
• 11:00
  learned
• 11:01
  then
• 11:02
  from
• 11:02
  what
• 11:02
  may
• 11:02
  or
• 11:03
  may
• 11:03
  not
• 11:03
  be
• 11:03
  happening
• 11:04
  now,
• 11:06
  and
• 11:06
  that
• 11:06
  is
• 11:06
  where
• 11:06
  healing
• 11:07
  starts.
• 11:08
  spiritually
• 11:09
  bypassing
• 11:09
  your
• 11:10
  emotions,
• 11:11
  but
• 11:11
  in
• 11:11
  pausing
• 11:11
  long
• 11:12
  enough
• 11:12
  to
• 11:12
  say,
• 11:13
  my
• 11:13
  body
• 11:14
  is
• 11:14
  telling
• 11:14
  me
• 11:14
  a
• 11:14
  story
• 11:15
  right
• 11:15
  now.
• 11:16
  Let
• 11:16
  me
• 11:16
  see
• 11:16
  if
• 11:17
  it's
• 11:17
  actually
• 11:17
  true
• 11:18
  in
• 11:18
  this
• 11:18
  moment.
• 11:19
  That
• 11:19
  is
• 11:19
  super
• 11:20
  powerful.
• 11:21
  Let's
• 11:21
  say
• 11:21
  someone
• 11:22
  doesn't
• 11:22
  text
• 11:22
  you
• 11:22
  back.
• 11:22
  When
• 11:23
  you
• 11:23
  text
• 11:23
  them,
• 11:23
  you
• 11:23
  feel
• 11:24
  the
• 11:24
  anxiety
• 11:24
  rise.
• 11:25
  Your
• 11:25
  chest
• 11:25
  gets
• 11:25
  tight,
• 11:26
  your
• 11:26
  thoughts
• 11:27
  start
• 11:27
  running.
• 11:28
  Now,
• 11:28
  instead
• 11:29
  of
• 11:29
  chasing,
• 11:29
  assuming
• 11:30
  overexplaining
• 11:30
  or
• 11:31
  spiraling,
• 11:31
  you're
• 11:31
  gonna
• 11:32
  pause.
• 11:33
  You're
• 11:33
  gonna
• 11:33
  ask,
• 11:34
  what
• 11:34
  does
• 11:34
  my
• 11:35
  body
• 11:35
  think
• 11:35
  is
• 11:35
  happening
• 11:36
  right
• 11:36
  now?
• 11:38
  And
• 11:38
  the
• 11:38
  answer
• 11:38
  might
• 11:39
  be,
• 11:39
  I'm
• 11:40
  being
• 11:40
  ignored.
• 11:41
  I
• 11:41
  did
• 11:41
  something
• 11:42
  wrong.
• 11:42
  I'm
• 11:42
  not
• 11:43
  important.
• 11:44
  Then
• 11:44
  ask
• 11:45
  yourself,
• 11:45
  is
• 11:46
  that
• 11:46
  actually
• 11:46
  true
• 11:46
  right
• 11:47
  now?
• 11:48
  And
• 11:48
  the
• 11:48
  answer
• 11:49
  might
• 11:49
  be.
• 11:50
  I
• 11:50
  don't
• 11:50
  actually
• 11:50
  know.
• 11:52
  That
• 11:52
  doesn't
• 11:52
  magically
• 11:53
  make
• 11:53
  that
• 11:53
  feeling
• 11:53
  disappear,
• 11:54
  but
• 11:54
  it
• 11:54
  slows
• 11:55
  the
• 11:55
  pattern
• 11:56
  down.
• 11:57
  It
• 11:57
  takes
• 11:57
  you
• 11:57
  outta
• 11:57
  certainty
• 11:58
  and
• 11:58
  puts
• 11:58
  you
• 11:58
  back
• 11:59
  into
• 11:59
  presence.
• 12:00
  And
• 12:01
  that
• 12:01
  pause,
• 12:02
  that
• 12:02
  is
• 12:02
  where
• 12:02
  your
• 12:02
  power
• 12:03
  comes
• 12:03
  back.
• 12:04
  this
• 12:05
  is
• 12:05
  why
• 12:05
  I
• 12:05
  wanted
• 12:05
  to
• 12:05
  do
• 12:05
  Tammy's
• 12:06
  take.
• 12:07
  Dr.
• 12:07
  Tracy
• 12:07
  gave
• 12:08
  such
• 12:08
  a
• 12:08
  powerful
• 12:09
  framework
• 12:09
  for
• 12:09
  understanding
• 12:10
  high
• 12:10
  conflicting
• 12:11
  parenting,
• 12:12
  emotional
• 12:12
  invalidation,
• 12:13
  and
• 12:13
  how
• 12:13
  these
• 12:14
  patterns
• 12:14
  form.
• 12:15
  Now,
• 12:15
  what
• 12:15
  I
• 12:15
  wanted
• 12:16
  to
• 12:16
  do
• 12:16
  was
• 12:16
  to
• 12:16
  bring
• 12:16
  that
• 12:17
  into
• 12:17
  the
• 12:17
  right
• 12:17
  now
• 12:18
  real
• 12:18
  life
• 12:18
  moment,
• 12:19
  because
• 12:19
  the
• 12:19
  work
• 12:20
  is
• 12:20
  not
• 12:20
  just
• 12:20
  about
• 12:20
  insight.
• 12:21
  It's
• 12:21
  about
• 12:22
  catching
• 12:22
  the
• 12:22
  pattern
• 12:22
  while
• 12:23
  it's
• 12:23
  happening.
• 12:24
  It's
• 12:24
  about
• 12:24
  learning
• 12:24
  how
• 12:24
  to
• 12:24
  support
• 12:25
  your
• 12:25
  body
• 12:25
  in
• 12:25
  real
• 12:25
  time.
• 12:26
  It's
• 12:26
  about
• 12:27
  moving
• 12:27
  from,
• 12:27
  I'm
• 12:28
  broken
• 12:29
  to,
• 12:29
  my
• 12:30
  body
• 12:30
  learns
• 12:30
  something,
• 12:31
  and
• 12:31
  now
• 12:31
  I
• 12:31
  can
• 12:32
  teach
• 12:32
  it
• 12:32
  something
• 12:33
  new.
• 12:34
  So
• 12:34
  this
• 12:34
  is
• 12:34
  kind
• 12:34
  of
• 12:34
  the
• 12:34
  work
• 12:35
  that
• 12:35
  I
• 12:35
  do
• 12:35
  with
• 12:35
  my
• 12:35
  clients
• 12:36
  every
• 12:36
  single
• 12:36
  day.
• 12:37
  Not
• 12:37
  just
• 12:37
  helping
• 12:37
  you
• 12:37
  understand
• 12:38
  your
• 12:38
  patterns,
• 12:39
  but
• 12:39
  helping
• 12:39
  you
• 12:39
  shift
• 12:40
  what
• 12:40
  happens
• 12:40
  in
• 12:40
  your
• 12:41
  body
• 12:41
  when
• 12:41
  the
• 12:41
  pattern
• 12:42
  shows
• 12:42
  up.
• 12:43
  So
• 12:43
  if
• 12:43
  you're
• 12:43
  listening
• 12:43
  to
• 12:43
  this
• 12:44
  and
• 12:44
  you're
• 12:44
  thinking,
• 12:44
  okay,
• 12:45
  this
• 12:45
  is
• 12:45
  definitely
• 12:45
  me,
• 12:46
  then
• 12:46
  your
• 12:47
  next
• 12:47
  step
• 12:47
  is
• 12:47
  simple.
• 12:48
  You
• 12:48
  can
• 12:48
  book
• 12:48
  a
• 12:49
  con
• 12:49
  call,
• 12:49
  and
• 12:49
  we
• 12:49
  can
• 12:50
  walk
• 12:50
  through
• 12:50
  what's
• 12:50
  really
• 12:50
  happening
• 12:51
  for
• 12:51
  you
• 12:51
  in
• 12:51
  real
• 12:51
  time.
• 12:52
  Or
• 12:52
  if
• 12:52
  you
• 12:52
  wanna
• 12:53
  go
• 12:53
  even
• 12:53
  to
• 12:53
  deeper
• 12:54
  into
• 12:54
  what
• 12:54
  your
• 12:54
  body
• 12:55
  may
• 12:55
  be
• 12:55
  holding
• 12:55
  onto,
• 12:56
  you
• 12:56
  can
• 12:56
  get
• 12:56
  a
• 12:56
  complimentary
• 12:57
  voice
• 12:57
  scan
• 12:57
  and
• 12:57
  start
• 12:58
  identifying
• 12:58
  the
• 12:58
  patterns
• 12:59
  from
• 12:59
  another
• 12:59
  angle.
• 13:00
  Most
• 13:00
  importantly,
• 13:02
  your
• 13:02
  nervous
• 13:02
  system
• 13:02
  is
• 13:03
  not
• 13:03
  broken.
• 13:04
  It's
• 13:04
  been
• 13:04
  protecting
• 13:05
  you.
• 13:05
  Now,
• 13:06
  we
• 13:06
  just
• 13:06
  need
• 13:06
  to
• 13:07
  teach
• 13:07
  it
• 13:07
  something
• 13:07
  new,
• 13:08
  and
• 13:08
  I
• 13:08
  hope
• 13:08
  you
• 13:09
  can
• 13:09
  come
• 13:09
  along
• 13:09
  on
• 13:09
  this
• 13:09
  journey
• 13:10
  and
• 13:10
  do
• 13:10
  that
• 13:10
  with
• 13:10
  me.
• 13:11
  Until
• 13:11
  the
• 13:11
  next
• 13:11
  one.
• 13:12
  Take
• 13:12
  care
• 13:12
  and
• 13:13
  have
• 13:13
  a
• 13:13
  blessed
• 13:13
  day.