Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 647: Why Silence Makes Your Ex Come Back

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Episode 647: Why Silence Makes Your Ex Come Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  Why does silence make your ex come back?
• 0:04
  If you've heard me talking about no contact before, don't worry.
• 0:07
  I'm not going to be repeating anything I've already said about
• 0:10
  being silent. If you're trying to get your ex
• 0:12
  back. This is all new information with
• 0:15
  A twist on the perspective, so stay tuned.
• 0:18
  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of love.
• 0:21
  I'm a deity and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:24
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 0:26
  And welcome back my beautiful silent no contact army.
• 0:30
  Have you been a good little soldier or a bad little soldier?
• 0:33
  And thank you to everyone who has downloaded my app Silencio
• 0:36
  to help you stay in No contact. And if you haven't, just click
• 0:41
  on the link below. The video and podcast in YouTube
• 0:44
  can have the app. And if you would like to join
• 0:47
  our No contact army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe
• 0:50
  button and the bell notification and you're in.
• 0:54
  And to read our manual go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
• 0:59
  can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 1:03
  So I've mentioned before that getting an X back is similar to
• 1:07
  a war and in fact I did a video on that and of course I can't
• 1:11
  remember the title because I've done so many videos.
• 1:14
  But if anyone does remember, if you could please comment below,
• 1:17
  I would really appreciate it. And then I will put the link in
• 1:19
  the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
• 1:22
  But basically you want opposite things.
• 1:25
  Your ex doesn't want you in their life anymore as a romantic
• 1:28
  interest, maybe just as a friend, and you want to be a
• 1:32
  romantic interest. What could be more opposite than
• 1:34
  that? And that's the definition of a
• 1:36
  war. One side wants one thing and the
• 1:39
  other side wants the opposite. So I want to talk about No
• 1:42
  contact, but with some of the tactics that Robert Greene talks
• 1:47
  about in his book The 33 Strategies of War.
• 1:52
  So people tend to do too much in all areas of life.
• 1:55
  Instead of listening, they talk too much.
• 1:57
  Instead of being still and meditating, they're running
• 2:00
  around trying to make things happen.
• 2:02
  So it's not surprising that when someone is dumped and they want
• 2:07
  their ex back, they immediately feel the need to take action to
• 2:11
  get them back. And in the ensuing chaos of
• 2:14
  being broken up, taking action is what causes people to make
• 2:18
  mistakes. They don't have the presence of
• 2:20
  mind to retreat. I see people commenting, saying,
• 2:24
  oh, I wish I'd known this six months ago, where were you a
• 2:28
  year ago while I was here? But guess what?
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  If you don't have the presence of mind to pull back and stay
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  back at the moment you're dumped and afterwards you can know all
• 2:40
  my strategies inside and out, and you will still do the wrong
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  thing. When you can't think straight,
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  you're not able to apply the strategies.
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  So pulling away gives you time to think and allows you to see
• 2:53
  things from a different perspective.
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  The way you feel about your ex and being dumped on day one of
• 2:59
  no contact is going to be very different from how you feel
• 3:03
  about them on day 30 or day 60. So to quote Robert Greene,
• 3:10
  amidst the turmoil of events, do not lose your presence of mind
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  in the heat of battle. The mind tends to lose its
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  balance. Too many things confront you at
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  the same time. There's a danger of responding
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  emotionally with fear, depression, or frustration.
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  You must actively resist the emotional pull of the moment.
• 3:31
  Learn to detach yourself from the chaos of the battlefield.
• 3:34
  Let others lose their heads. Your state of mind will steer
• 3:38
  you clear of their influence and keep you on course.
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  In other words, rather than freaking out and chasing your
• 3:45
  ex, you're going to retreat, IE no contact, and let your ex lose
• 3:52
  their head, which they will. More importantly, when you go
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  silent, their respect for you will go up, especially if you
• 4:00
  have an anxious attachment style, because they know that
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  you get anxious easily and they will fully be expecting you to
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  contact them and not let them go that easily.
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  However, as the days turn into weeks and they have not heard a
• 4:13
  peep from you, they have more respect for you.
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  And remember what I always say, you cannot have love without
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  respect. So continuing with some more
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  wise words from Robert Greene, use absence to increase honor
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  and respect. Too much circulation makes the
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  price go down. The more you are seen and heard
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  from, the more common you appear.
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  So if you chase after your ex after they've dumped you, you're
• 4:40
  going to look common. You're going to look basic
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  because that's what most people do after a breakup.
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  Unless of course, you're listening to me.
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  Ha ha. Continuing with Mr. Green, you
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  must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.
• 4:57
  Exactly. You're trying to create value
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  through your actions, when instead you should be creating
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  value through your absence. So while their respect for you
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  is going up, you gain perspective.
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  Robert Greene has said that your desires narrow the scope of your
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  vision, and what that means is love is blind.
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  You have this person up on a pedestal and you see them as
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  special and different from everyone else.
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  However, by staying away from them, your vision starts to open
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  up and you start to see them for who they are rather than for who
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  you want them to be or for who you thought they were, Robert
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  Greene continues. Trade space for time by
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  resisting the temptation to respond to an aggressor and
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  breaking up with someone is an aggression.
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  You buy yourself valuable time, time to recover, to think, to
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  gain perspective. And this is the total opposite
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  of what people want to do when they've been broken up with.
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  Your instincts are going to tell you to engage.
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  And as usual, I'm telling you to do the opposite of what the
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  instincts are telling you, because those instincts are
• 6:07
  coming from a place of fear and survival.
• 6:10
  And by the way, if you're finding this video helpful,
• 6:12
  please give it a like in order to help the YouTube algorithm to
• 6:15
  suggest it to more people, so more people can learn about why
• 6:19
  silence will make their ex come back.
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  Thank you, continuing with Mr. Green.
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  Time is more important than space.
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  By refusing to fight, you infuriate them and feed their
• 6:32
  arrogance. They will soon overextend
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  themselves and make mistakes. Time will reveal them as rash
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  and you as wise. Sometimes you can accomplish
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  most by doing nothing. So as you can see, Robert Greene
• 6:47
  believes in the power of no contact, even though he's not
• 6:50
  specifically speaking about no contact in this phrase.
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  And when he said feed their arrogance, I'm going to guess
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  that he actually, if I can speak for Robert Greene, that he
• 7:02
  actually meant trigger their arrogance, which some of you
• 7:05
  have seen when you have ignored your ex's bread crumbs and they
• 7:09
  get an attitude and they'll say something like, oh, you're not
• 7:12
  talking to me now. No, I'm not.
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  You've triggered their arrogance.
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  And what people don't realize is that most people are bluffing.
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  Their arrogance and confidence is actually upfront.
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  There's not. They're not as confidence as
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  they appear to be. Except for me, of course.
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  Ha ha. So by going into No Contact and
• 7:34
  ignoring the bread crumbs, you are unknowingly pulling off
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  their mask and their true self comes out.
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  Many times they got that confidence because you were so
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  into them that they figured they could treat you any way they
• 7:47
  wanted and you would always be there.
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  And when they start to realize that's not necessarily the case,
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  that's when they start to reveal just how much confidence, or
• 7:56
  lack of it, they really have. They got the validation from you
• 7:59
  and the relationship because they knew that you would never
• 8:02
  break up with them, that you would never leave them, that you
• 8:04
  would never ignore them. But now that that validation is
• 8:08
  no longer there and you actually are ignoring them, the truth
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  about their confidence or lack thereof comes out.
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  But you have to stay silent in order for this to occur.
• 8:20
  The person who you thought was so confident is going to start
• 8:23
  begging for your attention and getting angry that you're not
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  responding. And that is a form of begging.
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  Sometimes you've unknowingly given them that confidence
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  because of all the attention that you gave them.
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  You've now removed that source of attention, and the House of
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  Cards is starting to fall back to Robert Green.
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  Make other people come to you. When you force the other person
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  to act, you are the one in control.
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  It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning
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  their own plans. You hold the cards.
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  That's right, there's many advantages to waiting and making
• 9:01
  them come to you rather than reaching out.
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  Humans are naturally impatient. You're making the first move out
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  of impatience because they're doing something to trigger your
• 9:10
  impatience. And often when you think that
• 9:12
  they're moving on or they're never going to call you, that's
• 9:16
  when you want to break no contact and reach out.
• 9:18
  So you have to resist that urge and it's going to get easier as
• 9:22
  time goes by and you're gaining A clearer perspective of the
• 9:26
  situation and you've taken them down off the pedestal.
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  They're not as great as you think they are because if they
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  were, then everyone in the world with want to be, would want to
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  be with them. And that's just not true, OK?
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  And again, Robert Greene says your idea of power is wrong.
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  You've mistaken aggressive action for effective action, and
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  most often the most effective action is to stay back, keep
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  calm, and let others be frustrated by the traps you set
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  for them playing for long term power rather than for quick
• 10:04
  victory. And This is why I don't want you
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  to respond to bread crumbs. You may see that as a quick
• 10:10
  victory because your ex reached out, you responded, had an
• 10:14
  interaction, and you think, oh, now we're getting back together.
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  But it's going to kill your strategy for getting your ex
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  back in the long run. When it comes to getting your ex
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  back, you have to be prepared to play the long game.
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  As I've said before, no contact is not a Sprint, it's a
• 10:31
  marathon. So to sum up, why silence makes
• 10:35
  your ex come back, their respect for you goes up, and respect is
• 10:39
  the foundation of any strong relationship.
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  You gain perspective and will stop being reactive and acting
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  out of emotion rather than thinking clearly.
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  And you will make them the aggressor which turns around the
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  power dynamic. They hold the power when they
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  break up, break up with you, but now you're taking it back baby.
• 11:02
  So now I want to hear from you which of these strategies from
• 11:06
  Robert Greene was your favorite one.
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  Please comment below. And in the meantime, if you
• 11:10
  would like my help to get your ex back, contact me at
• 11:13
  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 11:17
  The direct link is below every single video and podcast.
• 11:19
  They're not on the website, and if you don't hear back within 24
• 11:23
  hours, make sure you check your spam folder and then contact us
• 11:27
  again, either from the same e-mail or, if you can, from a
• 11:29
  different e-mail. And if you found this video
• 11:31
  helpful, please like, subscribe and share.
• 11:34
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 11:38
  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 11:42
  enlightens.