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MONEY DIARIES: Cutting Ties and Thriving! · She's On The Money

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Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
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Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before
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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
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Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
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Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
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Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
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Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
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Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
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Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
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Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another
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Speaker 2: one of my favorite episodes, Money Diaries, where I get
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Speaker 2: the absolute privilege of talking to one of our incredible
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Speaker 2: She's on the Money community members all about their journey.
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Speaker 2: Let's jump straight into it, because this week I got
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Speaker 2: a message and it sounded a little bit like this. Hi,
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Speaker 2: She's on the Money. I'm nearly fifty and recently separated
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Speaker 2: from my husband and I've now brought him out of
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Speaker 2: our family shipping container, small home. One of the reasons
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Speaker 2: we separated was our very different approach to money, especially
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Speaker 2: as we owned a business together. I was accounts in
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Speaker 2: HR and would work out the budget, which he would
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Speaker 2: then totally ignore, only to blame me if we didn't
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Speaker 2: have enough money to buy what he wanted. I would
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Speaker 2: love to share my story on how I survived our
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Speaker 2: ten year marriage and the steps I took to lead
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Speaker 2: myself out of this circumstance. Money Diarist, what a story
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Speaker 2: to share. I'm so excited about this. We welcome to
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Speaker 2: the show.
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Speaker 3: Thank you very excited to be here.
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Speaker 2: I am very excit t I d that you're also here.
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Speaker 2: The first question that I always ask on the show
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Speaker 2: is Money Diarist. How would you grade your money habits
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Speaker 2: if I asked you to grade them from A through
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Speaker 2: to F.
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Speaker 3: I'm sitting between a BUS or a C plus. Can't
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Speaker 3: quite make up my mind on that.
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Speaker 2: All right, Well, you don't have to make up your
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Speaker 2: mind just yet. We can talk about it at the
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Speaker 2: end of the episode. My favorite question, though, Money Diarist,
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Speaker 2: can you tell us a little bit more about your
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Speaker 2: money story?
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Speaker 3: Well, both my parents were quite interested in money, and
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Speaker 3: where mum worked in accounts dad it went back to
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Speaker 3: study accounting, though he never worked in it, and they
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Speaker 3: did do a lot of collaborating with the bills and
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Speaker 3: things that check their receipts against their accounts, but it
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Speaker 3: was not something that was discussed with my sister and myself.
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Speaker 3: So it was sort of like something that adults did
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Speaker 3: not necessarily that children did. They did encourage us to save,
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Speaker 3: and if we were we didn't necessarily a lot of
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Speaker 3: money growing up compared to what I saw some of
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Speaker 3: my friends having. But I know that probably we did
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Speaker 3: have it. Mum and Dad chose to put it into
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Speaker 3: paying off their property, having shares, but I didn't see that.
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Speaker 3: I saw, you know, that I couldn't have the designer
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Speaker 3: top that I wanted, And you know, my sister and
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Speaker 3: I used to we'd get hand me downs from sports
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Speaker 3: Scale when we'd take the label, like the tag at
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Speaker 3: the back off the Sports Scale top and put it
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Speaker 3: onto a Target top because then we had two tops
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Speaker 3: that we could wear that were like the designer label.
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Speaker 3: Because Mom wasn't going to go and spend you know,
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Speaker 3: sixty bucks on a T shirt when she could buy
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Speaker 3: it from Target for like fourteen.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm still like that but I feel like the
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Speaker 2: older we get, the less we care about the label.
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Speaker 2: We're like, hmm, young people definitely care about it.
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Speaker 1: Now.
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Speaker 2: I'm like, I will gloat to you that this is
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Speaker 2: from Kama or Target. I will tell you that I've
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Speaker 2: got the best money win any Thai world.
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Speaker 3: Yes, definitely me now too. I think it made my
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Speaker 3: sister and I quite innovative when it came to how
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Speaker 3: we spent our money and what we did with it.
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Speaker 2: Very cool. And then what happened as you got a
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Speaker 2: little bit older.
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Speaker 3: I suppose it went to UNI spent a lot of
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Speaker 3: money on my horses. Yeah, traveled quite a bit, But
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Speaker 3: I suppose I always had an interest in saving and
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Speaker 3: being able to do better. Mum and Dad for my
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Speaker 3: first horse, I bought myself. Well, even just growing up,
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Speaker 3: they told me that I desperately wanted a horse, and
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Speaker 3: they said, well if I bought the land, that by
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Speaker 3: meet the horse. And I think I was in about
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Speaker 3: year two or year three at this stage, so religiously
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Speaker 3: from that point I saved for land, not really realizing
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Speaker 3: that land was quite a bit more expensive than a horse.
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Speaker 3: And then in high school I sort of worked out
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Speaker 3: that actually I saved enough money to buy my own horse,
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Speaker 3: and Mum and Dad were good. They actually supported me
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Speaker 3: in doing that over time. So I sort of always
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Speaker 3: had a bit of a savor personality, which maybe would
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Speaker 3: delve into later on. Is probably one of my downfalls
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Speaker 3: as well. And from one of my trips overseas, my
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Speaker 3: sister was working ski lifts in Canada, so I went
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Speaker 3: over to see her. I decided that I wanted to
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Speaker 3: buy a house. So I came back, lived at home
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Speaker 3: and bought a house. I saved up the money, got
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Speaker 3: the deposit, and went through doing that, had the house
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Speaker 3: for a little bit, and then met my now ex husband.
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Speaker 3: But my husband, and although listening to my speel about
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Speaker 3: him at the beginning, I'm like, we had some great
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Speaker 3: times together, you know, we had dreams together, we had
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Speaker 3: make it a bit sad about this because it just
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Speaker 3: didn't turn out the way that I planned. Though he
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Speaker 3: can be a bit of a idiot in some ways,
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Speaker 3: there's many good things about him as well.
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Speaker 2: That is so fine. I feel like that's such a
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Speaker 2: relatable story though, Like no one gets married with the
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Speaker 2: hopes that it doesn't work out right. Oh, you get
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Speaker 2: married with all of the hopes and the dreams that
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Speaker 2: this is going to be the happily ever after in
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Speaker 2: the fairy tale. Otherwise you wouldn't get married, would you, Like,
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Speaker 2: you wouldn't go this is my forever person. And I
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Speaker 2: think the idea that you know obviously, I actually really
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Speaker 2: like that you've shared that with us, because I think
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Speaker 2: that there's this idea that a ten year marriage is
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Speaker 2: a waste of time if the outcome was bad. But
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Speaker 2: it's not. You had a beautiful journey together. You learned,
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Speaker 2: you grew, you change together. You probably had so many
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Speaker 2: moments that are life changing moments together. But sometimes just
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Speaker 2: because it was right in the moment doesn't mean that
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Speaker 2: it's right forever. Yeah, And I think that that's a
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Speaker 2: really good story to share as well, because it's not
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Speaker 2: a rite off.
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Speaker 3: No, we were together like fifteen years, so five years
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Speaker 3: and then got married and yeah, we traveled overseas, spent
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Speaker 3: two years overseas living the dreams, snowboarding, mountain biking, and
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Speaker 3: it was during that that we talked about starting a
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Speaker 3: business together, and you know, came back, we got engaged overseas,
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Speaker 3: came back, got married, started the business, got pregnant, bought
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Speaker 3: a bird. The family of land that I now own,
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Speaker 3: And yeah, we had a great time together doing that
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Speaker 3: and ah building the business up from where it was
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Speaker 3: just him and me to the stage where we oh
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Speaker 3: say we but I mean the business is continuing now
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Speaker 3: without me, but we have several employees, we have contractors.
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Speaker 3: That vision that we had over in Canada, you know,
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Speaker 3: we actually saw to fulfillment.
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Speaker 2: That's very cool. That is very very cool to know
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Speaker 2: that it wasn't just kind of like a pipe dream
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Speaker 2: or something that you talk about one day, like it
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Speaker 2: actually happened and you built it and you proved to
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Speaker 2: yourselves that yeah, you could do that. So what do
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Speaker 2: you now do for work?
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Speaker 3: Well, despite like although I was working in this business,
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Speaker 3: I was also my career. All my background is in teaching,
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Speaker 3: So I still work. I've just gone back for well
8:20
Speaker 3: say just the last three years, I've been back working
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Speaker 3: full time. But previous to that, after having kids, I
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Speaker 3: was working part time teaching, part time in the business.
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Speaker 2: Very cool, And let's be a little bit pervy. How
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Speaker 2: much money do you make?
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Speaker 3: Like I did look this up because I was like
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Speaker 3: I need to have these answers. So one hundred and
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Speaker 3: nine thousand and.
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Speaker 2: Is that including or excluding super now that.
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Speaker 3: Will be excluding super.
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Speaker 2: Oh very nice, very very nice. So I want to know.
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Speaker 2: Obviously life has changed significantly for you, But what are
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Speaker 2: your big money goals now? What are we working towards?
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Speaker 2: What's on the radar?
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Speaker 3: Well, definitely off the mortgage or paying it down enough.
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Speaker 3: It's sort of a long term plan. But I'd really
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Speaker 3: like to build a actual house and not live in
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Speaker 3: a cabin for the rest of my life, which, although
9:16
Speaker 3: it's quite cute, is quite small when I have teenage children.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's absolutely fair. I can't imagine how cramped it
9:27
Speaker 2: could become, given how many times I argued with my
9:29
Speaker 2: mum over getting the sink in the bathroom way back when.
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Speaker 2: So I have no doubt you want that to kind
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Speaker 2: of resolve itself sooner rather than later. Yes, tell me
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Speaker 2: a bit more about you know this, I guess mortgage
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Speaker 2: and what that actually means, and how I guess that
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Speaker 2: has played into it. Obviously getting a divorce, things could
9:49
Speaker 2: be really messy or things could be relatively clean cut.
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Speaker 2: How did you make those decisions around? All right, well,
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Speaker 2: I'm going to pay off this mortgage, I'm going to
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Speaker 2: get the home. What happened with the business, Like, I
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Speaker 2: feel like there's so many questions there that could be,
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Speaker 2: you know, really tricky, because I can't imagine I own
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Speaker 2: my business but my husband's not involved. So I know
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Speaker 2: that if something didn't work out, I'd be like, Okay,
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Speaker 2: well this is my business. I'm going to continue to
10:14
Speaker 2: run it. But if you run it together, that could
10:16
Speaker 2: be a very challenging circumstance, right.
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Speaker 3: Very much so. And though it was his skill set
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Speaker 3: that we set the business up around, so if he
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Speaker 3: took him out of it, the business maybe wouldn't go
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Speaker 3: as well as what it is now. And I was,
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Speaker 3: you know, my skill set is much easier to replace
10:37
Speaker 3: within that. So if I suppose we looked at we
10:41
Speaker 3: had equal shares in it, and because I had the
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Speaker 3: house before we got married, he did not have a house,
10:49
Speaker 3: and he actually didn't have any super when he met
10:51
Speaker 3: maybe either working for himself. That was something that we
10:55
Speaker 3: sort of set up for him. As we've progressed in
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Speaker 3: our financial journey, like getting together and getting married sort
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Speaker 3: of thing, We're like, right, well, we need to set
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Speaker 3: this up. So I think I just was like, well,
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Speaker 3: what's fair, you know, and his time and intellectual property
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Speaker 3: within the business was much more of a percentage than mine.
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Speaker 3: So I was like, well, if he gets the business,
11:23
Speaker 3: then in some ways we it was pretty messy, but
11:27
Speaker 3: in other ways we wanted to try and keep it
11:29
Speaker 3: as messy free as possible for our children, and that
11:33
Speaker 3: meant keeping them in the family home, so that meant
11:36
Speaker 3: me buying him out of their property. So from there,
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Speaker 3: I went and saw some counselors, went and saw lawyers
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Speaker 3: and talked to them about what it was, and let
11:50
Speaker 3: you know, I upskilled myself on what are the possibilities
11:53
Speaker 3: not just taking the first person I spoke to advice,
11:56
Speaker 3: and that's something I wanted to share for anyone else
11:59
Speaker 3: that's contemplating it is. You know, there's so many services
12:04
Speaker 3: out there, and for some of them I didn't qualify it,
12:07
Speaker 3: like I couldn't go because of my income that I
12:11
Speaker 3: haned and because I owned business. A lot of them
12:14
Speaker 3: were like, oh, that's a little bit tricky. We can't
12:17
Speaker 3: help you, but have you tied this service or you
12:20
Speaker 3: know what about these guys? And I would really encourage
12:23
Speaker 3: people to make the call, ask the questions. And then
12:28
Speaker 3: when I started to go, oh, several people have so
12:31
Speaker 3: told me for our superannuation, the two amounts will be
12:35
Speaker 3: added together, and then it separated and I had heaps
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Speaker 3: more superannuation than him. I was older, I had a
12:42
Speaker 3: longer working life, so I knew from the get go
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Speaker 3: that I was going to end up losing some of
12:47
Speaker 3: my super to him. But it wasn't so hard to
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Speaker 3: take because I was able to go, this is what
12:52
Speaker 3: it is. You know, normally it works in the female's favor.
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Speaker 3: For me, it worked the opposite way because I had,
13:00
Speaker 3: you know, that greater asset. But we were also then
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Speaker 3: my lawyers talked about the fact that, you know, because
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Speaker 3: I had more coming in prior to meeting my ex husband,
13:11
Speaker 3: that it shouldn't be a fifty to fifty straight split.
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Speaker 3: And so having that knowledge and having someone that was
13:17
Speaker 3: able to back me on that is really useful.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, all right, let's go to a really quick break,
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Speaker 2: and on the other side of the break, I want
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Speaker 2: to ask a few more perfect questions, mainly about being
13:30
Speaker 2: on a different financial page and how that played out.
13:33
Speaker 2: Don't go anywhere, all right, money, diarist, We are back,
13:40
Speaker 2: and I have a few more perfect questions up my sleeve.
13:43
Speaker 2: I really want to know in your letter that you
13:45
Speaker 2: wrote into us. You said, you know, you would work
13:48
Speaker 2: out the budgets, and your ex husband he wasn't really
13:51
Speaker 2: a budget kind of guy. How did that play out?
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Speaker 2: Was that something that was an issue the whole relationship
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Speaker 2: or was it something that just when you spoke about
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Speaker 2: the business was an issue or it was only an
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Speaker 2: issue in the lady years? Like, what did that actually
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Speaker 2: look like?
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Speaker 3: It was probably always an issue from the point we
14:09
Speaker 3: started to have joint finances, and that probably came about
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Speaker 3: when we started to travel together. You know, you get
14:16
Speaker 3: into a relationship for better or for less, and no
14:20
Speaker 3: one's perfect, and so you sort of go, well, yeah,
14:23
Speaker 3: this is his challenge. You know, I've got, as I
14:28
Speaker 3: said before, I save money. I don't spend the spender,
14:32
Speaker 3: not the saver. So it was just the further we
14:36
Speaker 3: got along where it wasn't his money habits weren't allowing
14:41
Speaker 3: us to reach joint goals. Then he would blame me
14:46
Speaker 3: for not reaching them. And when we'd sort of we'd go, right, well,
14:50
Speaker 3: we're going to spend this much on shopping, We're going
14:52
Speaker 3: to spend this much on petrol, this much on you know,
14:55
Speaker 3: our coffees and that, and he then wouldn't follow it,
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Speaker 3: but then blame me for not following it. Each scot
15:02
Speaker 3: pretty One of the early stories is I was thinking
15:05
Speaker 3: about this that I was when we were going to
15:08
Speaker 3: travel overseas. He come home one day with a iPod
15:12
Speaker 3: and I'm showing my age here. It was an iPod
15:15
Speaker 3: that we used to have music on, not like burns nowadays.
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Speaker 2: Hey, I had an iPod. You're not that old.
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Speaker 3: Come on. Oh I teach younger kids primary school age
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Speaker 3: and they think I am ancient.
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's because they're actual children. They don't get it.
15:30
Speaker 2: I'm a millennial, not a gen z. So often I'm
15:33
Speaker 2: not up with it either. Don't worry.
15:36
Speaker 3: And he was like, I thought this would be good
15:38
Speaker 3: for us to travel with. I'm like, excellent. How much
15:41
Speaker 3: does it cost? And he's like, oh blah blah blah,
15:44
Speaker 3: And then he wanted me to pay half of it,
15:46
Speaker 3: and I was like, I don't know that I can
15:49
Speaker 3: afford that, Like, this was not a joint discussion. You
15:52
Speaker 3: bought it. And then to top it off, he wouldn't
15:56
Speaker 3: let me put my music on it. But I still
15:58
Speaker 3: was meant to pay half of absolutely not sir, Well
16:02
Speaker 3: I did, but that kind of is a good illustration
16:05
Speaker 3: of where we got a bit stuck and where maybe
16:08
Speaker 3: I wasn't as capable as I am now. Life teaches
16:12
Speaker 3: you these things of setting boundaries with that and knowing that,
16:16
Speaker 3: you know, setting those boundaries early on would have meant
16:19
Speaker 3: that we knew where we stood. Later on, where it
16:22
Speaker 3: got harder to sort of, you know, go, Actually, I
16:27
Speaker 3: wasn't part of that conversation, So why.
16:29
Speaker 2: Am I then responsible for this?
16:32
Speaker 3: Yeah? Getting some you know, impact from it?
16:34
Speaker 1: Yeah?
16:35
Speaker 2: No, absolutely so as you I guess progressed in your
16:39
Speaker 2: relationship and I guess got further towards the end of it.
16:42
Speaker 2: Were those things compounding or were you just sick of it?
16:45
Speaker 2: Or were you just at a point where you're all like,
16:46
Speaker 2: this is not going to work. Because to me, it
16:49
Speaker 2: feels a little bit when you're saying you would set
16:51
Speaker 2: a budget and then he'd tell you, no, I'm going
16:54
Speaker 2: to ignore it and then say it was your fault.
16:56
Speaker 2: I'm like, so that is textbook gas lighting. I'm not
17:00
Speaker 2: okay with that, And I feel like that could be
17:02
Speaker 2: over a really long period of time, really disheartening. You
17:05
Speaker 2: start to really question yourself, Am I good at money?
17:07
Speaker 2: Like I've been setting these budgets and he keeps saying,
17:09
Speaker 2: it's my fault, I'm not doing it. Did you start
17:12
Speaker 2: to think that maybe it was you not being good
17:15
Speaker 2: at money or you having the issue, when in reality
17:18
Speaker 2: that wasn't the case at all.
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Speaker 3: In my brain, I knew it wasn't me. And I'll
17:25
Speaker 3: say that the behavior that I'm describing was not limited
17:28
Speaker 3: to financial. I'm only giving the financial examples, but it
17:32
Speaker 3: wasn't limited to yeah, of course finances. But it wasn't
17:37
Speaker 3: until I was out that I knew well. I started
17:40
Speaker 3: to see the damage it had done to my soul,
17:44
Speaker 3: my emotional well being that I was sort of like,
17:50
Speaker 3: I knew he hadn't had the easiest life growing up,
17:54
Speaker 3: and so I could forgive him of his faults. And
17:58
Speaker 3: I just thought, and maybe it's teaching, where you see
18:02
Speaker 3: You're always like people can learn, people can grow, and
18:06
Speaker 3: I thought that that's what would happen. And then over
18:10
Speaker 3: time realizing that it's not happening. And there was a
18:14
Speaker 3: couple of moments where the catalysts were where I asked
18:18
Speaker 3: my children to not change their behavior according to what
18:25
Speaker 3: their dad was doing, and I'm like, hang on a
18:27
Speaker 3: sec I changed my behavior according to what their dad
18:31
Speaker 3: is doing. How can I expect my children not to
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Speaker 3: Is this what I want them to grow up with
18:38
Speaker 3: that this is okay in a relationship because it's not okay.
18:42
Speaker 3: And I could tell them that it wasn't okay, but
18:46
Speaker 3: my words weren't matching my behavior.
18:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, And sometimes actions do really speak louder than words, right,
18:53
Speaker 2: Like you can talk the talk, but if you're not
18:54
Speaker 2: walking the walk, Like I feel, people see straight through that,
18:58
Speaker 2: especially kids who are tiny parrots who just copy everything
19:02
Speaker 2: that you do, whether they like it or not.
19:04
Speaker 3: Yeah.
19:05
Speaker 2: So what did that, I guess translate into, So, if
19:09
Speaker 2: you were the one who was good at finances, got
19:12
Speaker 2: to be a bit pervy. What does this mean for
19:14
Speaker 2: the business he's now running? Because if he's gonna not
19:17
Speaker 2: be good at money, I just have a sneaky suspicion
19:20
Speaker 2: that's not the best position for a business owner to
19:22
Speaker 2: be in.
19:23
Speaker 3: No, I believe, I don't know for sure, but I
19:26
Speaker 3: believe he has a very good admin person that he
19:32
Speaker 3: has put in place. That is, she certainly took on
19:36
Speaker 3: the role for me a lot of the bits and
19:38
Speaker 3: pieces that I was doing within the business, and she
19:41
Speaker 3: came from a strong money budgeting, corporate business. So I'm
19:47
Speaker 3: guessing that she was just like, Yep, this is the
19:50
Speaker 3: way it is.
19:50
Speaker 2: Buddy, yeah, fair. I like it. And I feel like
19:53
Speaker 2: sometimes you need that non related kind of party to
19:58
Speaker 2: step in and be like, actually, this is how it
20:00
Speaker 2: is for them to actually respect it. Which sucks because
20:03
Speaker 2: we could have had a very different outcome here, sir, Yes,
20:06
Speaker 2: but we are here. You mentioned your kids not replicating
20:10
Speaker 2: the behaviors of your husband. What do you think your
20:13
Speaker 2: kid's attitude towards money is.
20:16
Speaker 3: I get worried because I'm forever saying to them, we
20:19
Speaker 3: can't afford things, We're on a tight budget. This you know.
20:22
Speaker 3: It's so I'm like super conscious of it. We have
20:25
Speaker 3: done the barefoot like book, they've done the barefoot steps
20:29
Speaker 3: for families. They've got their little jars. I think they
20:35
Speaker 3: understand it in that sense. But I do worry that
20:38
Speaker 3: I'm putting my hoarding we must hoard money, that there's
20:43
Speaker 3: not enough of it onto them. But then maybe that
20:47
Speaker 3: evens out with his let's spend everything we've got sort
20:50
Speaker 3: of thing.
20:51
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, that gives me so much anxiety. All right,
20:56
Speaker 2: I want to know when it comes to investments. Do
20:59
Speaker 2: you have any mentioned Super before? Can you tell us
21:01
Speaker 2: a little bit more about I guess super and any
21:04
Speaker 2: other investments you have.
21:05
Speaker 3: Well, obviously I have the mortgage on the property at
21:09
Speaker 3: the moment, so it was valued at six hundred and
21:13
Speaker 3: fifty thousand, and I've got a mortgage of around the
21:17
Speaker 3: three hundred and sixty five thousand on that. My sleeper
21:22
Speaker 3: is sitting at one hundred and fifty one thousand.
21:26
Speaker 2: Not bad looking good, Yes.
21:28
Speaker 3: Like he obviously took a bit of a dip with
21:30
Speaker 3: what I had to share out to my eggs. His
21:34
Speaker 3: was sort of around the under fifty thousand, so it
21:39
Speaker 3: certainly was a little bit of a chunk of that
21:42
Speaker 3: went to him. But as I said, that's just the
21:46
Speaker 3: way they sort it out, and it works in favor
21:49
Speaker 3: of some people and not in favor of others. So
21:52
Speaker 3: I'm still pretty happy with it. Shares, I have some
21:56
Speaker 3: pair pictual shares. I'm sitting at around fifteen thousand.
22:02
Speaker 2: Oh where did perpetual come from?
22:04
Speaker 3: I had a financial advisor back before I met my
22:07
Speaker 3: ex husband and they started. My grandmother left me. I
22:13
Speaker 3: think it was about a grand when she passed away,
22:15
Speaker 3: and then my grandfather left me about five hundred and
22:21
Speaker 3: I put them into perpetual shares back. I don't know
22:25
Speaker 3: however many years it was. And we have added to
22:29
Speaker 3: them when things were good, and we stopped adding when
22:33
Speaker 3: things weren't good. But that was something that because I
22:38
Speaker 3: started them with money gifted to me from my grandparents,
22:42
Speaker 3: my lawyers were like, I get to keep them. I
22:45
Speaker 3: did have to buy him out of them.
22:47
Speaker 2: Oh good.
22:48
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's something. That's another one of those little
22:51
Speaker 3: things where I'm really pleased that I've kept my grandparents'
22:55
Speaker 3: legacy there.
22:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really cool.
22:58
Speaker 3: And then I've got a very small Cheers's account at
23:01
Speaker 3: forty eight dollars.
23:03
Speaker 2: Oh love love.
23:05
Speaker 3: Yep, and I will thank you for introducing me to
23:08
Speaker 3: that because I wanted to add to my share portfolio,
23:12
Speaker 3: but I haven't been able to do the big chunks.
23:15
Speaker 2: From little things, big things grow.
23:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do five dollars a fortnite, so you sort
23:21
Speaker 3: of work out how long I've been doing it from
23:23
Speaker 3: that and just have an automatic. I did do some
23:27
Speaker 3: purposeful buying and then I've just automated it and let
23:31
Speaker 3: them choose. Now.
23:32
Speaker 2: Oh I love that so much. It makes me so
23:35
Speaker 2: happy when people. I guess share that with me, not
23:37
Speaker 2: because you're using Chazy's obviously I do like the platform,
23:41
Speaker 2: but I think it's just this idea that it's so
23:43
Speaker 2: much more accessible. Obviously, the perpetual shares have such a
23:47
Speaker 2: higher entry point for you to be able to contribute
23:50
Speaker 2: to them, and if you were adding five bucks every fortnight,
23:52
Speaker 2: you'd be like, maybe this isn't worth it, Like I
23:54
Speaker 2: can't really see it. There's not that level of transparency.
23:57
Speaker 2: The brokerage fees would be so expect on that, whereas
24:01
Speaker 2: five dollars on chairs is really attainable, really really accessible.
24:05
Speaker 2: And I think it just makes you feel a little
24:07
Speaker 2: bit more motivated about your journey as well. And it
24:10
Speaker 2: just you're doing the right thing, You're in the right place,
24:12
Speaker 2: You're taking the right steps to create financial freedom, and
24:15
Speaker 2: I think that's really sexy.
24:16
Speaker 3: Thank you all right.
24:17
Speaker 2: I want to know you mentioned before your mortgage you
24:20
Speaker 2: have a six hundred and fifty thousand dollars mortgage with
24:22
Speaker 2: three hundred and sixty five thousand dollars oweing on it,
24:25
Speaker 2: or that was what your property was worth versus what's oweing.
24:28
Speaker 2: Do you have any other debts?
24:30
Speaker 3: I do I have a car line that I took over,
24:34
Speaker 3: so so it was in my ex husband's name, so
24:38
Speaker 3: I took that over from him, and there's thirty three
24:42
Speaker 3: thousand left on that. It could be one of those
24:46
Speaker 3: bad money habits where I'm like, it was a car
24:51
Speaker 3: probably above what I could definitely what I could have
24:55
Speaker 3: bored now, and it was kind of like a gift
24:58
Speaker 3: of say, if you stay with me, these are the
25:01
Speaker 3: gifts that I can give you.
25:02
Speaker 2: And now you've got the debt for the gift. That's
25:04
Speaker 2: very nice, very generous.
25:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is sort of during our make up time.
25:11
Speaker 3: But it's been one of those things where I'm just like,
25:14
Speaker 3: you know, that little bit, it makes me feel better
25:16
Speaker 3: about myself, and so I have kept it. But it
25:20
Speaker 3: might be one of those things if things, specially if
25:23
Speaker 3: intrastrates on mortgages and electricity bills keep going up, I
25:27
Speaker 3: might have to be realistic about whether I really need it.
25:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair. I kind of lack that you told
25:33
Speaker 2: me that it makes you feel good about yourself because
25:35
Speaker 2: I think that that especially in circumstances like yours, where
25:39
Speaker 2: you said before you know your emotional wellbeing, and I'm
25:42
Speaker 2: going to extrapolate that out to your confidence has really
25:45
Speaker 2: been knocked. I think that there are some things that
25:48
Speaker 2: I don't really care about the financial side of it, Like,
25:50
Speaker 2: this is what's making me feel good at the moment,
25:52
Speaker 2: and we're aware of it and we're going to keep
25:55
Speaker 2: an eye on it, but like it's helping, and it's
25:57
Speaker 2: you know, that kind of crutch that I'm going to
25:59
Speaker 2: lean on for the moment so that I can put
26:01
Speaker 2: myself in the best possible position long term. Because I
26:04
Speaker 2: think that it's not always just about finance. I think
26:06
Speaker 2: it can also be about your well being and your
26:09
Speaker 2: happiness and your confidence and just how you feel about
26:12
Speaker 2: the world.
26:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I do a lot of driving. Some of
26:15
Speaker 3: those are like country case, and so having a good
26:19
Speaker 3: car that starts, that's comfy, that's economical as as well
26:24
Speaker 3: as big cars can be. You know, that is also
26:28
Speaker 3: you know, part of it, and it's safe to drive
26:31
Speaker 3: my children around in.
26:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, all right. I want to know, because I
26:34
Speaker 2: feel like you've probably got a few of these up
26:37
Speaker 2: your sleeve. What is your best money have It?
26:40
Speaker 3: Probably a lot of planning, I'll call it budgeting for
26:45
Speaker 3: want of a better word. Every fortnight, when I get paid,
26:49
Speaker 3: I sit down and I write down in a little notebook.
26:53
Speaker 3: You know, I have a different one for each financial year.
26:57
Speaker 3: A going and getting the new notebook is really excited.
27:00
Speaker 3: And the front of it has like my long term
27:03
Speaker 3: goals and where my money flow is going to go,
27:06
Speaker 3: and how my cash flow is, and might list my
27:09
Speaker 3: debts that I've got and I might redo those quarterly.
27:13
Speaker 3: But in the back is I look at all my
27:15
Speaker 3: different accounts and I'll list down how what I've got
27:18
Speaker 3: in all of them, and then I look at is
27:21
Speaker 3: it better or worse than last fortnight? And then what
27:24
Speaker 3: my net overall position is. And it's that idea that
27:29
Speaker 3: from little things, big things grow. You don't see it
27:32
Speaker 3: from fortnite to fortnite. But if I grab a book
27:35
Speaker 3: from last financial year and I look at it and
27:38
Speaker 3: I look at those accounts, you can see the difference
27:41
Speaker 3: that you're making.
27:42
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that. And you keep them all. You
27:44
Speaker 2: don't like get rid of the old ones as the
27:45
Speaker 2: new year comes in.
27:47
Speaker 3: No, I keep them for seven years. Oh seven years. Yeah,
27:52
Speaker 3: my parents are accountants.
27:54
Speaker 2: No, I like it, the seven year rule. I get it.
27:57
Speaker 2: I've got anxiety over the year seven. It's all good.
28:00
Speaker 3: And then I'll work out what bills I have to pay,
28:02
Speaker 3: you know, and it may even be my parents lent
28:05
Speaker 3: me some money the other day when I had some
28:07
Speaker 3: cash flow problems, you know, and that will go down
28:10
Speaker 3: on that and then I'll list them in hierarchical order,
28:13
Speaker 3: you know, what's most important to be paid this fortnight
28:16
Speaker 3: down and then sort of track so that you don't
28:19
Speaker 3: miss any and if you have to jiggle them around
28:22
Speaker 3: to go, oh, this one's got a due date soon,
28:25
Speaker 3: better make sure that that one's paid. It just helps
28:29
Speaker 3: me feel like I'm on track instead of like you've
28:31
Speaker 3: thrown up a deck of cards and you're like, oh,
28:34
Speaker 3: my goodness, which bill am I going to grab first
28:36
Speaker 3: that I need to pay?
28:37
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Have you always been like this with budgeting or
28:40
Speaker 2: is this something that you've learned over time.
28:43
Speaker 3: I'll go back to that story I told it about
28:48
Speaker 3: saving for the land instead of the horse. Yeah, the
28:51
Speaker 3: second horse I wanted to buy. Dad told me if
28:54
Speaker 3: I kept track of my finances for a year and
28:59
Speaker 3: I could prove to him that I could afford it,
29:01
Speaker 3: that I could get a second horse. And I think
29:04
Speaker 3: that's where it started to stem from.
29:07
Speaker 2: I love this motivation. Everybody's motivation is so different. Like
29:10
Speaker 2: if you said to me you can buy a horse,
29:12
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I do not know what to do
29:13
Speaker 2: with a horse, Like this is not my jam. Whereas
29:17
Speaker 2: a horse you budgeted for twelve four months because of this,
29:20
Speaker 2: and it's impacted the rest of your box. I love this.
29:24
Speaker 2: If ever I need advice on how to budget for
29:26
Speaker 2: a horse, I am coming straight to you, my friend,
29:29
Speaker 2: because there is nobody who I would deem more reliable
29:32
Speaker 2: in this space.
29:33
Speaker 3: Well, I would suggest that you don't budget for a
29:36
Speaker 3: horse because that really expensive creatures.
29:39
Speaker 2: Yeah. Look, I've heard that we've had some horse friends
29:41
Speaker 2: on the show before, and I'm always so shocked at
29:44
Speaker 2: how expensive they are. But I will say horse people
29:47
Speaker 2: are some of the most committed people in the entire world.
29:50
Speaker 2: So like, if you're into horses, like get it clean,
29:53
Speaker 2: because that is an expensive habit. Yes, I do want
29:56
Speaker 2: to bring down the mood of the conversation. I need
29:58
Speaker 2: to know what do you think is your worst money
30:01
Speaker 2: have it?
30:01
Speaker 3: While I've probably alluded to a couple of them, I
30:04
Speaker 3: think having horses and kids is probably.
30:07
Speaker 2: Horses and kids. Yeah. Fair, I don't have horses. I
30:10
Speaker 2: don't have kids.
30:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely worth having it, but not financially, and then
30:17
Speaker 3: just hobbies and school with kids would definitely add to it.
30:22
Speaker 3: Maybe a little zip pay account. When we're talking about debts,
30:27
Speaker 3: I didn't get to mentioning that.
30:29
Speaker 2: Whoops.
30:30
Speaker 3: I've used it for vet bills and for tires on
30:32
Speaker 3: my car, and it was the only way I could
30:34
Speaker 3: afford to do it because I don't like credit cuts
30:37
Speaker 3: and I didn't want to take out a credit cut.
30:40
Speaker 3: Paying that off would certainly change things.
30:43
Speaker 2: I feel like. I like the way you're using that though,
30:46
Speaker 2: because obviously going through a divorce, you're going to have
30:48
Speaker 2: cash flow issues like these are very common things to
30:51
Speaker 2: go through, and if you're using something like zip paid
30:54
Speaker 2: to actually cash flow VET bills, which are essential, I
30:58
Speaker 2: don't think that's the worst use of the platform. I
31:01
Speaker 2: think the issue is when you go down the slippery
31:03
Speaker 2: slope and people end up spending way beyond their means
31:07
Speaker 2: on things that they don't necessarily need. And so the
31:10
Speaker 2: thing I really like about these platforms, which you know,
31:13
Speaker 2: obviously we don't endorse getting them, but if you're in
31:17
Speaker 2: that circumstance where you can't pay your vet bills, what
31:20
Speaker 2: a tool to have to be able to cash flow
31:22
Speaker 2: that because I guarantee, if you're anything like me, you're
31:24
Speaker 2: as obsessed with your pets as I am. And there's
31:27
Speaker 2: absolutely no way I'm not paying for that. Like in
31:29
Speaker 2: that moment, I don't care how much debt I'm taking
31:32
Speaker 2: on because I love my animals so much and that
31:34
Speaker 2: is my priority. So I think it's it's also very
31:37
Speaker 2: helpful to have a tool that enables you to cash
31:39
Speaker 2: flow stuff like that, which is, you know, essential from
31:43
Speaker 2: my perspective. Yeah, so not the worst thing, not the
31:46
Speaker 2: worst thing at all.
31:46
Speaker 3: And then maybe coffee and alcohol.
31:48
Speaker 2: No, I feel like that apple doesn't fall far from
31:51
Speaker 2: the she's on the money tree. I'm very, very good
31:53
Speaker 2: at a coffee, but I did do the maths the
31:55
Speaker 2: other day. My daily coffee does cost me fourteen hundred
31:59
Speaker 2: dollars a year, and if I saved fourteen hundred dollars
32:02
Speaker 2: a year and ten years, I still can't afford a house.
32:04
Speaker 2: So I will be continuing my coffee addiction, and I
32:07
Speaker 2: hope that that makes you feel a little bit better
32:09
Speaker 2: about it as well. Definitely, so money Diarist before I go,
32:14
Speaker 2: I feel like this has been a really special story
32:17
Speaker 2: to share because you're in the position that you know
32:19
Speaker 2: a lot of us in our community might actually find
32:22
Speaker 2: ourselves in one day, and you've shared some really really
32:25
Speaker 2: good tips and tricks about you know, not just taking
32:29
Speaker 2: the first person's advice and making sure that you always
32:32
Speaker 2: know your worth and that you you know, set boundaries
32:35
Speaker 2: and put yourself in the best possible position. What other
32:38
Speaker 2: advice have you got that the community definitely needs to hear.
32:41
Speaker 3: I would go like relationships Australia was a has some
32:47
Speaker 3: great resources and their people that you can speak to
32:51
Speaker 3: on the phone have been really good financially, putting some
32:55
Speaker 3: child support in place. As to you know, how you
33:00
Speaker 3: sought out the timetable, how you sort out who's going
33:03
Speaker 3: to pay for what would be definitely a resource. I'd
33:06
Speaker 3: recommend listening to podcasts obviously that that was something that
33:13
Speaker 3: really helped me. I think I actually wrote down some
33:16
Speaker 3: notes too. Oh, if you need to go get some
33:21
Speaker 3: good counseling, psychology, get a mental health plan, don't be
33:25
Speaker 3: afraid to do that. I think at one stage I
33:27
Speaker 3: was seeing three different psychologists because they all gave me
33:31
Speaker 3: little different bits that I needed to be able to
33:35
Speaker 3: drag myself through that. Have a tribe. Have your friends,
33:39
Speaker 3: you don't have to share everything with them. I think
33:42
Speaker 3: the year that it first started only shared with two friends.
33:47
Speaker 3: I didn't let anyone else know. But I wanted to
33:50
Speaker 3: protect him as well. And I didn't know if we
33:54
Speaker 3: would stay together through what was going on and people
33:58
Speaker 3: would judge him for what he was doing, so I
34:01
Speaker 3: didn't want to share it with people that might then
34:04
Speaker 3: if we stayed together, have a different opinion of him.
34:09
Speaker 3: So I tried to keep that outside. And I think,
34:11
Speaker 3: you know, if you listen to anything by Brene Brown
34:14
Speaker 3: and where she talks about the value of trust, it
34:18
Speaker 3: was making sure that the people that I shared it
34:22
Speaker 3: with were then going to share it with other people
34:25
Speaker 3: because it wasn't their story to share. But then have
34:28
Speaker 3: the people that my friends that kept inviting me out
34:32
Speaker 3: even though I burst into tears with them every single time.
34:36
Speaker 3: You know, you need people like that.
34:38
Speaker 2: They're the good friends. They're the good ones.
34:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And financials run your numbers, like, sit down
34:46
Speaker 3: and work it out. What's it look like now, what's
34:48
Speaker 3: it going to look like on a single wage? What
34:50
Speaker 3: funding is there out there for a single person? And
34:53
Speaker 3: this is I know this is a female or mainly
34:56
Speaker 3: female audience that we talked to, but it's not just
35:00
Speaker 3: a female story there, you know, it does go vice versa.
35:05
Speaker 3: And then take your time, but have an end date.
35:08
Speaker 3: So I talk about the year that it was all happening,
35:11
Speaker 3: and I didn't want to believe it was happening. And
35:14
Speaker 3: then the next year was my year that I was like, well,
35:17
Speaker 3: it's happened. He's not changing his behavior. I don't accept
35:21
Speaker 3: his behavior. So I had to have a plan for
35:25
Speaker 3: getting out of it, and it took me that year
35:28
Speaker 3: to do it and to live and COVID happened in
35:31
Speaker 3: the middle of that as well. I had to live
35:33
Speaker 3: with that knowledge and we were presenting a different picture
35:37
Speaker 3: as soon as we stepped out of the house to
35:40
Speaker 3: what was happening behind closed doors. But I knew where
35:44
Speaker 3: I wanted to go, and I just had an end date.
35:47
Speaker 3: And that end date ticked over. It was the thirty
35:49
Speaker 3: first of December of that year, and the next day
35:53
Speaker 3: I was like, what now we've got to work on
35:55
Speaker 3: with the process of actually separating. Yeah, wow, and then
36:00
Speaker 3: use your type in that process as well. I figure
36:02
Speaker 3: route down there, Yeah.
36:03
Speaker 2: One hundred percent, that's when you need the most support.
36:06
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the only other two things I wrote
36:09
Speaker 3: down was that in that time, live like you already
36:11
Speaker 3: separated so financially wise that if you start to it
36:16
Speaker 3: was something I did when I was saving for the house.
36:19
Speaker 3: I put aside the money as if that was my
36:22
Speaker 3: mortgage payment, and that became my deposit, and you then
36:26
Speaker 3: live like, well, I'm going to have to pay an
36:28
Speaker 3: electricity bill and that sort of thing. So that same
36:31
Speaker 3: idea that I'm going to have to live off a
36:34
Speaker 3: single wage, how is that going to look and actually
36:37
Speaker 3: live it? So you start to when you muck up,
36:40
Speaker 3: you've still got the two wages to be able to
36:43
Speaker 3: work around and go books, going to have to rework
36:46
Speaker 3: that little bit and then journal and budget.
36:49
Speaker 2: I love that. I feel like those are so powerful,
36:51
Speaker 2: and I feel like our community is so much richer
36:54
Speaker 2: having had your story shared in it. It's very very
36:57
Speaker 2: special that you've wanted to open up with us, and
36:59
Speaker 2: I'm so so grateful. But I'm also a bit confused
37:03
Speaker 2: because at the very start you said I think I'm
37:05
Speaker 2: a B minus or a C plus, And as much
37:08
Speaker 2: as you've gone through a lot and maybe you're not
37:10
Speaker 2: in the financial position you want to be Like, from
37:13
Speaker 2: my perspective, you have so many of the good money
37:15
Speaker 2: you have. It's like you're doing all the right things.
37:18
Speaker 2: You're budgeting, you're cash flowing, like you're caring about investing.
37:22
Speaker 2: We've spoken about your kid's attitude towards money, which you're
37:25
Speaker 2: heavily impacting. We've talked about the fact that you know
37:28
Speaker 2: that your confidence and your emotional wellbeing were not because
37:31
Speaker 2: of this, Like, how do you do you still think
37:35
Speaker 2: that you're really a B minus or a C plus?
37:37
Speaker 2: Because I'm not gonna lie, my friend, I can't see it.
37:41
Speaker 3: Well, maybe my knowledge is an A, but my effort
37:44
Speaker 3: is a C right spoken like a true school DJ.
37:50
Speaker 1: Yeah.
37:51
Speaker 2: Okay, of all people who should know how to grade
37:54
Speaker 2: efficiently and correctly after all this time, my friend, it
37:58
Speaker 2: should be you. But I do think you should be
38:01
Speaker 2: giving yourself some more credit because I have adored their
38:03
Speaker 2: story and I feel like there's been so much to
38:06
Speaker 2: have learned from it. Like I'm just I'm so proud
38:09
Speaker 2: that you're a part of our community and that you
38:11
Speaker 2: wanted to share this because I just know that there
38:13
Speaker 2: are going to be people in our community who are
38:15
Speaker 2: going to breathe a sigh of a relief at the
38:17
Speaker 2: end of this, and they're going to say, oh, at
38:19
Speaker 2: least it's not just me, or at least I'm not alone,
38:21
Speaker 2: or I'm at the start of this, and you know,
38:23
Speaker 2: She's worked it out, so can I. There are just
38:25
Speaker 2: so many people who are going to benefit from this,
38:28
Speaker 2: and I'm just so grateful. Thank you so much for
38:30
Speaker 2: your time today.
38:31
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me on. I have
38:33
Speaker 3: really enjoyed the process. And you know, sitting down and
38:37
Speaker 3: going through this and thinking about it, it gives you
38:40
Speaker 3: an idea of how you are traveling.
38:43
Speaker 2: I love it. Thank you so much. The advice shared
38:52
Speaker 2: on She's on the Money is general in nature and
38:54
Speaker 2: does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money
38:58
Speaker 2: exists purely for education purposes and should not be relied
39:01
Speaker 2: upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you
39:05
Speaker 2: do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS
39:07
Speaker 2: TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.
39:12
Speaker 2: Victoria Divine and Sheese on the Money are authorized representatives
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Speaker 2: of Money sherper P t y lt D a BN
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Speaker 2: three two one six four nine two seven seven zero
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Speaker 2: eight AFSL four five one two, eight, nine,