Latest / Notes to Her / Note 46: Love Yourself Enough to Leave What Shrinks You

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Note 46: Love Yourself Enough to Leave What Shrinks You · Notes to Her

• 0:17
  Hey,
• 0:17
  girl.
• 0:17
  Hey.
• 0:17
  Welcome
• 0:18
  back
• 0:18
  to
• 0:18
  Notes
• 0:18
  to
• 0:18
  her,
• 0:19
  the
• 0:19
  daily
• 0:19
  pep
• 0:19
  talk.
• 0:19
  I'm
• 0:20
  Yaya,
• 0:20
  your
• 0:20
  confidence
• 0:21
  and
• 0:21
  mindset
• 0:21
  coach,
• 0:22
  here
• 0:22
  to
• 0:22
  help
• 0:22
  you
• 0:22
  stop
• 0:23
  shrinking,
• 0:23
  stop
• 0:24
  overthinking,
• 0:24
  and
• 0:25
  stop
• 0:25
  abandoning
• 0:26
  yourself
• 0:26
  when
• 0:26
  things
• 0:27
  get
• 0:27
  uncomfortable.
• 0:28
  And
• 0:28
  today's
• 0:28
  note?
• 0:29
  Oh,
• 0:29
  this
• 0:29
  is
• 0:29
  a
• 0:30
  real
• 0:30
  one.
• 0:31
  It's
• 0:31
  not
• 0:31
  the
• 0:31
  light
• 0:31
  and
• 0:32
  fluffy
• 0:32
  kind.
• 0:32
  It's
• 0:33
  the
• 0:33
  truth
• 0:33
  telling
• 0:34
  kind.
• 0:34
  The
• 0:34
  kind
• 0:35
  of
• 0:35
  self
• 0:35
  love
• 0:35
  that
• 0:36
  shows
• 0:36
  up
• 0:36
  when
• 0:37
  you
• 0:37
  finally
• 0:37
  say,
• 0:38
  I
• 0:38
  can't
• 0:39
  keep
• 0:39
  staying
• 0:39
  in
• 0:40
  places
• 0:40
  that
• 0:40
  make
• 0:40
  me
• 0:41
  forget
• 0:41
  who
• 0:41
  I
• 0:42
  am.
• 0:42
  We're
• 0:43
  talking
• 0:43
  about
• 0:43
  loving
• 0:43
  yourself
• 0:44
  enough
• 0:44
  to
• 0:44
  leave.
• 0:45
  What
• 0:45
  shrinks
• 0:46
  you?
• 0:47
  That
• 0:47
  relationship,
• 0:48
  that
• 0:48
  job,
• 0:49
  that
• 0:49
  habit,
• 0:50
  that
• 0:50
  version
• 0:51
  of
• 0:51
  you
• 0:51
  that's
• 0:51
  outgrown
• 0:52
  where
• 0:52
  she's
• 0:53
  been
• 0:53
  settling.
• 0:54
  This
• 0:54
  is
• 0:54
  a
• 0:54
  reminder
• 0:55
  you
• 0:55
  didn't
• 0:55
  know
• 0:56
  you
• 0:56
  need.
• 0:56
  So
• 0:57
  let's
• 0:57
  get
• 0:57
  into
• 0:57
  it.
• 1:08
  Now,
• 1:08
  here's
• 1:09
  the
• 1:09
  truth
• 1:09
  I
• 1:09
  want
• 1:09
  you
• 1:09
  to
• 1:09
  sit
• 1:10
  with
• 1:10
  for
• 1:10
  a
• 1:10
  second.
• 1:11
  Self
• 1:11
  love
• 1:12
  isn't
• 1:12
  just
• 1:13
  about
• 1:13
  what
• 1:13
  you
• 1:13
  add
• 1:14
  to
• 1:14
  your
• 1:14
  life.
• 1:15
  It's
• 1:15
  also
• 1:15
  about
• 1:16
  what
• 1:16
  you
• 1:16
  walk
• 1:16
  away
• 1:17
  from.
• 1:18
  You
• 1:18
  can
• 1:18
  do
• 1:18
  all
• 1:19
  the
• 1:19
  journaling,
• 1:20
  the
• 1:20
  meditating,
• 1:21
  the
• 1:21
  goal
• 1:22
  setting
• 1:22
  in
• 1:22
  the
• 1:22
  world,
• 1:23
  but
• 1:23
  if
• 1:24
  you
• 1:24
  are
• 1:24
  staying
• 1:24
  in
• 1:24
  places
• 1:25
  that
• 1:25
  make
• 1:25
  you
• 1:26
  feel
• 1:26
  small,
• 1:27
  you're
• 1:27
  not
• 1:28
  practicing
• 1:28
  self
• 1:29
  love.
• 1:30
  Self
• 1:30
  love
• 1:30
  looks
• 1:31
  like
• 1:31
  saying,
• 1:32
  I
• 1:32
  love
• 1:32
  myself
• 1:33
  too
• 1:33
  much
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  be
• 1:33
  in
• 1:34
  rooms
• 1:34
  where
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  have
• 1:35
  to
• 1:35
  dim.
• 1:36
  I
• 1:36
  love
• 1:37
  myself
• 1:37
  too
• 1:37
  much
• 1:37
  to
• 1:38
  keep
• 1:38
  fighting
• 1:38
  someone
• 1:39
  for
• 1:39
  crumbs.
• 1:40
  I
• 1:41
  love
• 1:41
  myself
• 1:41
  too
• 1:42
  much
• 1:42
  to
• 1:42
  stay
• 1:42
  at
• 1:42
  a
• 1:43
  job
• 1:43
  that
• 1:43
  drains
• 1:44
  me
• 1:44
  dry.
• 1:47
  Now,
• 1:47
  I'm
• 1:47
  not
• 1:47
  saying
• 1:47
  that
• 1:47
  it's
• 1:48
  easy,
• 1:49
  but
• 1:49
  I
• 1:49
  am
• 1:49
  saying
• 1:49
  that
• 1:49
  it's
• 1:50
  necessary.
• 1:51
  And
• 1:51
  I
• 1:51
  know
• 1:52
  you
• 1:52
  felt
• 1:52
  it
• 1:52
  before.
• 1:53
  That
• 1:53
  inner
• 1:54
  nudge,
• 1:55
  that
• 1:55
  whisper
• 1:55
  that
• 1:56
  says,
• 1:56
  this
• 1:56
  is
• 1:57
  no
• 1:57
  longer
• 1:57
  for
• 1:57
  you.
• 1:58
  But
• 1:58
  we
• 1:59
  silence
• 1:59
  it
• 1:59
  with
• 1:59
  logic.
• 2:00
  We'll
• 2:01
  say,
• 2:01
  I've
• 2:02
  been
• 2:02
  here
• 2:02
  too
• 2:02
  long
• 2:02
  to
• 2:02
  leave
• 2:03
  now.
• 2:04
  Or
• 2:04
  what
• 2:04
  if
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  don't
• 2:04
  find
• 2:05
  better?
• 2:06
  Or
• 2:07
  it's
• 2:07
  not
• 2:07
  that
• 2:08
  bad.
• 2:09
  Yes,
• 2:09
  it
• 2:10
  is,
• 2:10
  sis.
• 2:10
  Anything
• 2:11
  that
• 2:11
  makes
• 2:11
  you
• 2:11
  forget
• 2:12
  who
• 2:12
  you
• 2:12
  are
• 2:13
  is
• 2:14
  that
• 2:14
  bad.
• 2:16
  Now
• 2:16
  let
• 2:16
  me
• 2:16
  tell
• 2:16
  you
• 2:17
  about
• 2:17
  a
• 2:17
  client
• 2:17
  of
• 2:17
  mine.
• 2:18
  I'll
• 2:18
  call
• 2:18
  her
• 2:18
  Melanie.
• 2:19
  When
• 2:20
  Melanie
• 2:20
  and
• 2:20
  I
• 2:20
  started
• 2:20
  working
• 2:21
  together,
• 2:21
  she
• 2:21
  was
• 2:22
  stuck
• 2:22
  in
• 2:22
  a
• 2:22
  job
• 2:22
  that
• 2:22
  looked
• 2:23
  good
• 2:23
  on
• 2:23
  paper
• 2:24
  but
• 2:24
  felt
• 2:24
  like
• 2:25
  a
• 2:25
  slow
• 2:25
  erosion
• 2:26
  of
• 2:26
  her
• 2:26
  spirit.
• 2:28
  Her
• 2:28
  boss
• 2:29
  constantly
• 2:30
  micromanaged
• 2:30
  her.
• 2:31
  She
• 2:31
  wasn't
• 2:32
  getting
• 2:32
  promoted,
• 2:33
  even
• 2:33
  though
• 2:33
  she
• 2:33
  was
• 2:33
  doing
• 2:34
  three
• 2:34
  people's
• 2:34
  job.
• 2:35
  She'd
• 2:36
  leave
• 2:36
  work
• 2:36
  mentally
• 2:37
  exhausted
• 2:37
  and
• 2:38
  spend
• 2:38
  her
• 2:38
  weekends
• 2:39
  trying
• 2:39
  to
• 2:39
  reset,
• 2:40
  only
• 2:40
  to
• 2:41
  dread
• 2:41
  Monday,
• 2:42
  the
• 2:42
  moment
• 2:42
  Sunday
• 2:43
  night
• 2:43
  hit.
• 2:45
  And
• 2:45
  that's
• 2:45
  when
• 2:45
  I
• 2:45
  asked
• 2:46
  her
• 2:46
  why
• 2:46
  she
• 2:47
  stayed.
• 2:48
  She
• 2:48
  said
• 2:48
  something
• 2:49
  to
• 2:49
  me
• 2:49
  that
• 2:49
  I
• 2:49
  will
• 2:49
  never
• 2:50
  forget
• 2:52
  because
• 2:52
  I
• 2:52
  don't
• 2:52
  want
• 2:52
  to
• 2:52
  be
• 2:53
  ungrateful.
• 2:54
  Other
• 2:54
  people
• 2:54
  would
• 2:54
  kill
• 2:55
  for
• 2:55
  this
• 2:55
  job.
• 2:58
  Ungrateful?
• 2:59
  That
• 2:59
  word
• 3:00
  haunts
• 3:01
  so
• 3:01
  many
• 3:01
  women.
• 3:02
  We've
• 3:03
  been
• 3:03
  taught
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  endure
• 3:04
  instead
• 3:04
  of
• 3:05
  evaluate.
• 3:06
  To
• 3:06
  be
• 3:07
  thankful
• 3:07
  instead
• 3:07
  of
• 3:08
  being
• 3:08
  honest.
• 3:09
  To
• 3:09
  stay
• 3:09
  loyal
• 3:10
  to
• 3:10
  things
• 3:10
  that
• 3:10
  are
• 3:10
  no
• 3:11
  longer
• 3:11
  loyal
• 3:12
  to
• 3:12
  us.
• 3:13
  But
• 3:13
  here's
• 3:14
  what
• 3:14
  we
• 3:14
  uncovered
• 3:15
  in
• 3:15
  coaching.
• 3:16
  Melanie
• 3:17
  wasn't
• 3:17
  being
• 3:17
  ungrateful.
• 3:18
  She
• 3:18
  was
• 3:19
  being
• 3:19
  honest.
• 3:20
  And
• 3:20
  once
• 3:21
  she
• 3:21
  gave
• 3:21
  herself
• 3:21
  permission
• 3:22
  to
• 3:22
  admit
• 3:22
  that,
• 3:23
  to
• 3:23
  stop
• 3:23
  gaslighting
• 3:24
  her
• 3:24
  own
• 3:24
  burnout,
• 3:26
  everything
• 3:27
  shifted.
• 3:28
  She
• 3:28
  updated
• 3:29
  her
• 3:29
  resume.
• 3:30
  She
• 3:30
  started
• 3:30
  networking.
• 3:31
  She
• 3:32
  set
• 3:32
  a
• 3:32
  boundary
• 3:32
  at
• 3:32
  work
• 3:33
  that
• 3:33
  shocked
• 3:33
  everyone,
• 3:34
  including
• 3:34
  herself.
• 3:35
  And
• 3:36
  within
• 3:36
  two
• 3:36
  months,
• 3:36
  she
• 3:36
  had
• 3:37
  a
• 3:37
  new
• 3:37
  offer.
• 3:37
  With
• 3:38
  more
• 3:38
  pay,
• 3:38
  more
• 3:39
  freedom,
• 3:39
  and
• 3:40
  more
• 3:40
  peace.
• 3:41
  The
• 3:41
  best
• 3:41
  part?
• 3:42
  She
• 3:42
  didn't
• 3:43
  wait
• 3:43
  to
• 3:43
  feel
• 3:44
  ready.
• 3:44
  She
• 3:45
  moved
• 3:45
  when
• 3:45
  it
• 3:45
  felt
• 3:46
  true.
• 3:49
  Now,
• 3:49
  let's
• 3:49
  be
• 3:49
  real.
• 3:50
  Leaving
• 3:51
  is
• 3:51
  hard
• 3:52
  when
• 3:52
  you
• 3:52
  have
• 3:52
  built
• 3:52
  an
• 3:53
  identity
• 3:53
  around
• 3:54
  being
• 3:54
  the
• 3:54
  strong
• 3:55
  one,
• 3:55
  the
• 3:56
  loyal
• 3:56
  one,
• 3:57
  the
• 3:57
  one
• 3:57
  who
• 3:57
  holds
• 3:58
  it
• 3:58
  all
• 3:58
  together.
• 3:59
  It's
• 4:00
  hard
• 4:00
  when
• 4:00
  you've
• 4:00
  been
• 4:01
  praised
• 4:01
  for
• 4:01
  how
• 4:01
  much
• 4:01
  you
• 4:02
  handle.
• 4:03
  But
• 4:03
  let
• 4:03
  me
• 4:03
  ask
• 4:03
  you
• 4:04
  this.
• 4:05
  Why
• 4:05
  are
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  only
• 4:06
  proud
• 4:06
  of
• 4:06
  yourself
• 4:07
  when
• 4:07
  you're
• 4:07
  surviving?
• 4:09
  Leaving
• 4:10
  doesn't
• 4:10
  mean
• 4:10
  you
• 4:11
  failed.
• 4:11
  It
• 4:11
  means
• 4:12
  that
• 4:12
  you
• 4:12
  finally
• 4:13
  chose
• 4:13
  you.
• 4:14
  And
• 4:14
  if
• 4:15
  no
• 4:15
  one
• 4:15
  has
• 4:15
  told
• 4:15
  you
• 4:16
  this
• 4:16
  yet,
• 4:16
  today
• 4:17
  you
• 4:17
  are
• 4:18
  allowed
• 4:18
  to
• 4:18
  choose
• 4:19
  yourself
• 4:19
  without
• 4:20
  explaining
• 4:21
  to
• 4:21
  anybody.
• 4:22
  You
• 4:23
  are
• 4:23
  allowed
• 4:23
  to
• 4:24
  walk
• 4:24
  away
• 4:24
  from
• 4:24
  environments
• 4:25
  that
• 4:25
  no
• 4:25
  longer
• 4:26
  match
• 4:26
  your
• 4:26
  energy.
• 4:28
  You
• 4:28
  are
• 4:28
  allowed
• 4:29
  to
• 4:29
  outgrow
• 4:29
  people
• 4:30
  who
• 4:30
  only
• 4:30
  knew
• 4:31
  the
• 4:31
  version
• 4:31
  of
• 4:31
  you
• 4:32
  who
• 4:32
  shrunk.
• 4:35
  Now,
• 4:35
  if
• 4:35
  you're
• 4:35
  listening
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  this
• 4:36
  and
• 4:36
  wondering,
• 4:36
  but
• 4:36
  how
• 4:37
  do
• 4:37
  I
• 4:37
  know
• 4:37
  when
• 4:37
  it's
• 4:37
  time?
• 4:38
  Here
• 4:39
  are
• 4:39
  the
• 4:39
  signs
• 4:39
  that
• 4:39
  the
• 4:40
  situation
• 4:40
  is
• 4:41
  shrinking
• 4:41
  you.
• 4:42
  You
• 4:42
  feel
• 4:43
  anxious
• 4:43
  before
• 4:44
  every
• 4:44
  interaction.
• 4:45
  You
• 4:46
  shrink
• 4:46
  or
• 4:46
  edit
• 4:47
  to
• 4:47
  keep
• 4:47
  the
• 4:47
  peace.
• 4:48
  You
• 4:49
  fantasize
• 4:49
  about
• 4:50
  leaving,
• 4:50
  but
• 4:50
  never
• 4:51
  give
• 4:51
  yourself
• 4:51
  permission.
• 4:53
  You
• 4:53
  feel
• 4:53
  smaller
• 4:54
  in
• 4:54
  their
• 4:54
  presence.
• 4:55
  Not
• 4:55
  seen,
• 4:56
  not
• 4:56
  heard,
• 4:57
  not
• 4:57
  celebrated.
• 4:58
  Your
• 4:58
  confidence
• 4:59
  is
• 4:59
  slowly
• 5:00
  getting
• 5:00
  replaced
• 5:01
  by
• 5:01
  self
• 5:01
  doubt.
• 5:03
  Listen
• 5:03
  to
• 5:03
  me.
• 5:04
  You
• 5:04
  do
• 5:05
  not
• 5:05
  need
• 5:05
  a
• 5:05
  breakdown
• 5:06
  just
• 5:06
  to
• 5:07
  justify
• 5:07
  a
• 5:08
  breakthrough.
• 5:09
  You
• 5:10
  do
• 5:10
  not
• 5:10
  need
• 5:10
  to
• 5:10
  wait
• 5:11
  until
• 5:11
  everything
• 5:11
  is
• 5:12
  falling
• 5:12
  apart
• 5:12
  to
• 5:13
  walk
• 5:13
  away.
• 5:14
  You
• 5:14
  are
• 5:15
  allowed
• 5:15
  to
• 5:15
  leave
• 5:16
  because
• 5:16
  you
• 5:16
  felt
• 5:16
  called
• 5:17
  to
• 5:17
  more.
• 5:19
  So
• 5:20
  here's
• 5:20
  your
• 5:20
  reminder
• 5:20
  today.
• 5:21
  Self
• 5:22
  love
• 5:22
  is
• 5:22
  not
• 5:23
  always
• 5:23
  soft.
• 5:24
  Sometimes
• 5:24
  it's
• 5:25
  a
• 5:25
  hard
• 5:25
  decision
• 5:26
  to
• 5:26
  walk
• 5:26
  away.
• 5:28
  It
• 5:28
  takes
• 5:28
  courage
• 5:29
  to
• 5:29
  walk
• 5:29
  away
• 5:30
  from
• 5:30
  who
• 5:30
  you
• 5:31
  thought
• 5:31
  you
• 5:31
  had
• 5:31
  to
• 5:31
  be,
• 5:32
  from
• 5:32
  who
• 5:32
  you
• 5:33
  thought
• 5:33
  you
• 5:33
  had
• 5:33
  to
• 5:33
  tolerate,
• 5:34
  and
• 5:34
  from
• 5:35
  rooms
• 5:35
  that
• 5:35
  no
• 5:35
  longer
• 5:36
  reflect
• 5:36
  your
• 5:36
  worth.
• 5:38
  You
• 5:38
  are
• 5:38
  not
• 5:39
  selfish
• 5:39
  for
• 5:39
  wanting
• 5:40
  peace.
• 5:41
  You
• 5:41
  are
• 5:41
  not
• 5:41
  dramatic
• 5:42
  for
• 5:42
  wanting
• 5:42
  joy.
• 5:43
  And
• 5:44
  you
• 5:44
  are
• 5:44
  not
• 5:44
  weak
• 5:44
  for
• 5:45
  choosing
• 5:45
  rest
• 5:45
  over
• 5:46
  survival.
• 5:48
  And
• 5:48
  if
• 5:48
  this
• 5:48
  episode
• 5:49
  stirs
• 5:49
  something
• 5:49
  in
• 5:50
  you,
• 5:50
  if
• 5:50
  there's
• 5:50
  something
• 5:51
  you
• 5:51
  know
• 5:51
  you
• 5:52
  need
• 5:52
  to
• 5:52
  walk
• 5:52
  away
• 5:53
  from,
• 5:54
  just
• 5:54
  know
• 5:54
  that
• 5:54
  you
• 5:54
  don't
• 5:55
  have
• 5:55
  to
• 5:55
  do
• 5:55
  it
• 5:55
  alone.
• 5:56
  This
• 5:57
  month
• 5:57
  I
• 5:57
  am
• 5:57
  hosting
• 5:58
  a
• 5:58
  free
• 5:58
  Self
• 5:59
  Love
• 5:59
  challenge
• 5:59
  called
• 6:01
  her
• 6:01
  era,
• 6:02
  the
• 6:02
  Self
• 6:02
  Love
• 6:03
  Reset
• 6:03
  for
• 6:04
  women
• 6:04
  who
• 6:04
  are
• 6:04
  tired
• 6:05
  of
• 6:05
  shrinking
• 6:05
  and
• 6:06
  ready
• 6:06
  to
• 6:06
  start
• 6:07
  choosing
• 6:07
  themselves
• 6:08
  on
• 6:08
  purpose,
• 6:09
  not
• 6:09
  just
• 6:09
  in
• 6:10
  theory,
• 6:10
  but
• 6:10
  in
• 6:11
  real
• 6:11
  life.
• 6:12
  It's
• 6:12
  five
• 6:12
  days
• 6:12
  of
• 6:13
  daily
• 6:13
  reflection,
• 6:14
  powerful
• 6:15
  mindset
• 6:15
  shifts
• 6:15
  and
• 6:16
  guided
• 6:16
  prompts
• 6:16
  to
• 6:17
  help
• 6:17
  you
• 6:17
  return
• 6:17
  to
• 6:18
  you
• 6:18
  so
• 6:19
  remind
• 6:19
  you
• 6:19
  of
• 6:19
  your
• 6:19
  worth,
• 6:20
  to
• 6:20
  reconnect
• 6:20
  you
• 6:21
  of
• 6:21
  your
• 6:21
  voice,
• 6:22
  to
• 6:22
  start
• 6:22
  practicing
• 6:23
  self
• 6:23
  love
• 6:23
  in
• 6:23
  places
• 6:24
  that
• 6:24
  need
• 6:25
  it
• 6:25
  the
• 6:25
  most.
• 6:26
  You
• 6:26
  can
• 6:26
  read
• 6:26
  all
• 6:27
  the
• 6:27
  details
• 6:27
  and
• 6:27
  join
• 6:28
  the
• 6:28
  challenge
• 6:28
  via
• 6:29
  the
• 6:29
  link
• 6:29
  in
• 6:29
  the
• 6:29
  show
• 6:29
  notes.
• 6:31
  Leave
• 6:32
  what's
• 6:32
  shrinking
• 6:33
  you
• 6:33
  and
• 6:33
  walk
• 6:34
  toward
• 6:34
  who
• 6:34
  you're
• 6:34
  becoming.
• 6:35
  You're
• 6:36
  worth
• 6:36
  it.