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EP 43: The Boundary You Need Most · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

• 0:00
  When you hear the words self-care, what comes to mind?
• 0:04
  Maybe you're thinking of a hot bubble bath or a great massage,
• 0:09
  maybe a relaxing pedicure or girls weekend.
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  I mean, those things can be wonderful, but I think we've unintentionally
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  turned self-care into something that we would earn
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  after we have taken care of everyone around us.
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  So what if we've been looking at it all wrong? What if
• 0:29
  self-care isn't a reward? What if it's actually
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  one of the healthiest boundaries that we can build?
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  If you're tired of people pleasing, caring too much, and wondering
• 0:41
  why peace still feels so hard to hold on to,
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  you're in the right place. Hi, I'm Lori, mom,
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  former people pleaser, and your boundaries coach.
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  Here we talk about how to protect your peace, set healthier
• 0:55
  boundaries, and get clear on what actually matters so
• 0:59
  that you can build a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more satisfying.
• 1:03
  So let's stop the chaos for a minute, moms, catch our breath,
• 1:07
  and get into this next episode.
• 1:12
  Welcome back to Healthy Boundaries for Moms. I am your host, Lori Grimes,
• 1:16
  and today I want to talk about something that I think many of us are
• 1:20
  struggling with. So as moms, we're often the first ones
• 1:24
  to sacrifice ourselves. We've talked about that several times here on
• 1:27
  the podcast. We are the first ones to skip sleep. We are the
• 1:31
  first ones to not get our steps in.
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  We're gonna rush through dinner, rush through lunch.
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  We will put off our quiet time with God that we promised ourselves
• 1:41
  we were gonna do. And we keep just saying yes to everyone else
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  while continuing to say no to ourselves. And then one
• 1:49
  day we wonder why we're tired or exhausted,
• 1:53
  we're feeling overwhelmed, impatient, we're snapping at
• 1:57
  the kids and the husband, and we're just emotionally
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  checked out. Does this sound familiar at all? So I
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  don't think that's because we're weak, guys. I think it's because
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  we've crossed one of the most most important
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  boundaries we can have, which is an internal boundary.
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  And an internal boundary is taking responsibility
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  for stewarding the body, mind, emotions, and spirit
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  God has entrusted to us. So no one else
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  can consistently do that for us, right? Your spouse can't
• 2:35
  get the sleep for you, right? And your children are not going to go in
• 2:39
  and get that exercise knocked out for you. Your friends can't do
• 2:44
  that alone time with God for you, right? So no one else
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  can continually replenish what you're
• 2:51
  unwilling to replenish yourself. So while God
• 2:55
  often uses other people to encourage us and care for
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  us, it isn't someone else's responsibility
• 3:03
  to manage our well-being. That is a part of our
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  stewardship. So have you ever heard of the financial advice
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  to pay yourself first? So in finance,
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  you're supposed to be making this intentional deposit
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  before you go and spend on everything else.
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  Okay, you're supposed to pay yourself first. So that might be like putting money
• 3:30
  in investment account and a Roth IRA and your 401.
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  But I think it's the same principle that applies to our lives around self-care.
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  Healthy boundaries means making regular
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  deposits before expecting yourself to
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  be making withdrawals. So that might look like time with God
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  as a deposit, or getting enough sleep as a deposit. Maybe you're
• 3:55
  going to move and get your certain steps in a day, and that's a deposit.
• 3:59
  Or Taking care of yourself by eating the foods that are nourishing
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  to you or on a food plan of some sort, that is
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  making a deposit. Or how about just being quiet, just getting
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  some time to be quiet and restore
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  yourself. So healthy relationships are even deposits.
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  So times, times we spend with our girlfriends are
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  very important to our boundaries and Rest
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  is a deposit. We really do need to
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  get the proper sleep. And laughter,
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  guys, is a deposit. That's one of my favorite parts is
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  laughter. So when life asks something of us,
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  we're constantly making these withdrawals. And the problem is that many
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  of us are making withdrawals all day long without
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  intentionally making those deposits. So the
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  account runs dry, right? If you keep pulling out money and you
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  don't ever make a deposit, your bank's gonna run dry.
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  So sometimes I think we're just doing fine because we're
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  functioning, right? We're staying above water, we're treading
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  the water, but we're still helping, we're still volunteering,
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  we're still working, we're still taking care of
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  our kids and everyone around us. But eventually our body
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  starts talking back, right? We start to feel
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  that impatience bubble up or we're going to snap
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  here at our kids because we're at our limit. We're feeling that
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  resentment. We're losing patience with our spouse.
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  Our anxiety starts to skyrocket. Our exhaustion
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  is just a normal way of life. And those reactions
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  aren't always signs that we're failing.
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  Sometimes they're just signals. And we've talked about, you know,
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  the warning signals that come on, on an instrument board
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  on your car. Like, that's the warning telling us, hey, something is
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  about to go really wrong with your car. So our bodies often
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  are keeping score, and they recognize that depletion
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  before our minds even do. So the other night, I went
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  out with my friends, and we had a wonderful night celebrating one of my
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  best friend's husband's birthday, and we had such a great
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  night. We laughed, we talked, we stayed out later than we normally would,
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  and I didn't get a whole lot of sleep. And now, spending time with
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  my friends, it is a good thing. It is a definite positive
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  thing, and community is definitely a gift from God. But the
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  next morning, like, I had a choice. I could pretend that
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  nothing had changed and push— and just push through my weekend. I could fill
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  up my schedule. I could run these errands. I could work harder
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  and squeeze everything in on my to-do list and ignore the fact
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  that I was depleted. I had used a lot of my resources,
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  but I could recognize that I made a withdrawal.
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  It was a good withdrawal, one that was absolutely
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  worth it, but it was still a withdrawal. And that meant I
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  needed to make some deposits. So maybe that looked
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  like just slowing my pace down. Maybe it was just
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  I needed to choose nourishing food instead of whatever
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  would be easiest to get, like fast food. Maybe it meant just
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  getting to bed earlier that night or going for a walk
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  instead of scrolling on my phone or doing an intense workout.
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  Maybe it was just creating a little margin instead of filling
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  every single hour. So years ago, I probably would have just pushed harder.
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  I would have ignored the fact that I was depleted.
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  I would have just said, I'll catch up later, and I would have ignored
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  all the signs that my body was trying to yell at me.
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  But what I've learned, that wisdom doesn't simply
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  ask, what am I capable of doing today?
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  Wisdom is asking you, given what we've already spent,
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  what would be the healthiest investment that I can
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  make today. And that, guys, is what an internal boundary
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  looks like. So many of the things we are pushing and
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  pushing ourselves to do are great and good things,
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  right? Serving is good. Working is good.
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  Exercise is definitely good. Being productive
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  is good. And helping others is good. And hanging out
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  with friends is obviously good. But even good things become unwise
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  when they're consistently ignoring the limits God has designed
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  for us to have. So we don't want to wait until the engine
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  seizes and the car doesn't work right before changing the
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  oil. We don't want to wait until we got a negative
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  balance in our bank account before we think about like putting some
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  money in there, right? And we don't wait until we're severely
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  dehydrated before we drink water. So healthy boundaries
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  are meant to be preventative, preventative maintenance.
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  So kind of like a car, right? And the truth is most
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  of us are already knowing what we should be doing. We just don't
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  always protect it. So research shows that
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  about 3 in 10 adults don't get the
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  recommended 7 or more hours of sleep each night.
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  That's a lot of people not getting sleep. Another study
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  found that 77% of Americans say
• 9:30
  getting enough sleep is very important, yet only about 1/3
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  believe they're actually doing it well. And the same study found that
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  57% say regular exercise is very
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  important, but fewer than 1 in 3 feel like they're doing well
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  at maintaining it. So the problem isn't that we don't value these
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  things, we acknowledge them. The problem is that we're not protecting
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  them. We're not protecting appointments or deadlines.
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  We're just protecting everybody else's needs if we're being honest.
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  But we don't always protect the very habits that
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  allow us to show up as our healthiest selves.
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  And that's why I believe self-care isn't a luxury. It's not
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  being selfish and it isn't something that
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  you earn after everyone else's needs have been met. It's an internal
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  boundary. It's stewardship. Preventative boundaries are
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  simply just making regular deposits before your account is empty.
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  When we protect those deposits, like our sleep and our time
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  with God, eating the right food, movement, rest,
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  and our healthy relationships, we're able to give from an abundance
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  and overflowing instead of obligation.
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  So internal boundaries also help us stay in our
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  God-given lane. So what do I mean by that? They remind
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  us what belongs to God and what belongs to other people and what
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  belongs to us. So Romans 12:3 says,
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  for by the grace given me, I say to
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  every one of you, do not think of yourself more highly
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  than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment,
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  in accordance with the faith God has distributed to
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  each of you. So God gives us each a measure of
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  faith and grace and strength that we are going to need for
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  what He called us to do. But when we step outside
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  the boundaries, trying to fix everyone and carry everyone's feelings
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  and emotions, or take responsibility for choices
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  that belong to someone else, we begin to
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  rely on our own strength instead of His
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  strength. So sometimes we're depleted or exhausted,
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  not because God's asked too much of us, but because we took
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  on things He never asked us to carry. And one of the healthiest internal
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  boundaries we can have is knowing where our responsibility
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  ends and where God's begins. And sometimes
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  we hear the words self-care and immediately we're like,
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  oh, that's selfish. But Scripture is painting a totally
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  different picture. So here in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20,
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  Paul writes this: Do you not know that your
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  bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit
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  who is in you, whom you have received from God?
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  You are not your own. You are bought. You were bought with a
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  price. Therefore, honor God with your body. So taking
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  care of yourself isn't putting yourself above everybody
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  else. It's honoring what God has entrusted to you.
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  So when we constantly care for ourselves,
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  we are able to love from abundance instead of this obligatory
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  mess that we get into. So we're less likely to become
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  bitter or resentful. We're not going to burn out so easily.
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  We're less likely to give because we're doing it out of guilt
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  or we think that we have the shoulds. Instead, we're just
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  giving from a place of like health and joy and overflow. Doesn't that
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  sound way better and a lot more peaceful?
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  So this week I want you to ask yourself one simple
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  question, okay? Where am I making constant
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  withdrawals without making enough deposits?
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  So for you, it may be sleep, it could be time
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  with God, it could be just getting enough movement or exercise
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  in. Maybe it's making a meal plan or prepping your food
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  or just picking out what dinners will be for the week. Maybe it's rest.
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  Just choose one area this week, just one, and protect it
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  like a boundary, like You've got a line around it. Protect it
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  because it is— there's a boundary that should be around it.
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  And remember, healthy boundaries aren't only about
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  saying no to other people. Sometimes they're about finally
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  saying yes to the stewardship God has called you to
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  practice in your own life.
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  Hey friend, I hope you enjoyed
• 14:16
  today's episode. If so, would you take 30 seconds and go join
• 14:20
  our free Facebook page at Healthy Boundaries for Moms?
• 14:23
  That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working, and support
• 14:28
  each other in real life. I will also share some great tools and tips
• 14:31
  to help you along this journey. I have also included a link to sign
• 14:36
  up for our brand new weekly newsletter in the Facebook group.
• 14:40
  Don't forget to hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple.
• 14:43
  It really lets me know know that this podcast is helping you. More importantly,
• 14:47
  it helps more women find this podcast. Now go say no
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  to something that's stealing your peace and say yes to something you actually need.
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  And I'll meet you back here in the next episode.