Latest / Voice Notes to the Universe / Voice Note #115—Confessions to Mother Moon
Transcript
- speaker-0: Tonight's confessions to Mother Moon. It's strawberry moon. It's a micro moon. The first ⁓ full moon of summer solstice. speaker-1: you speaker-0: Well, I guess technically the peak of the full moon was yesterday, but it's quite still full today. And I'm sitting here thinking that God I'm gonna fucking loop. I'm gonna loop with myself. It's like I'm I'm scared to move forward. Because I I know that in moving forward, taking those steps that I need to to take. I have to Go into the past a little bit. Go a little deep. Or deeper. and to my psyche, to this remembrance of lost memories. And they're not really lost. My body has them stored very tightly. My body, she she remembers she remembers and my body's been holding on speaker-1: you speaker-0: To this for so long. She protected my mind. She kept the these secrets, these dirty little secrets buried for years and years and years. So that I could function. So that I can I could live a life. You know, that was normal. Whatever normal looks like anyway. But she's tired, my body. When she's ready to let go, you know, she's like, You've done a lot of work up there in that brain of yours. humbled ego. You've done so much shadow work. You've learned to listen to me. Me meaning saying, meaning my body. To listen to my body. But not only, you know, I'm I'm I'm not just hearing her. I I'm listening to her. Right? There's a difference between hearing and and listening and I've I'm learning to not only hear her but listen to her and then take that action. Honor her, love her in a way that she's never been honored and loved before. And in all the psychology and shadow work and speaker-1: you speaker-0: Gone deep and Those dirty little secrets are coming into my mind, into my remembrance again. And it's been a lot because my mind knows things as they always were. And this remembrance of these secrets within my body are shattering everything I ever thought was was my reality and it's i it's I don't It's like this glitch in the Matrix, you know, when when you know someone as you've always known them. And then you remember something and you go, ⁓ my god, this is not who I thought this person was. This is horrible. This is Terrible this person is I can't believe that this person could do this. And everything you've ever known changes. And you and you struggle to believe that this person has betrayed you so deeply. Because there's like multiple people. There's this it's just so layered. It's the person who is abusing you. unspeakable. Who was supposed to be a safe person, a person you're supposed to trust. And someone your parents you tell you to trust like you're supposed to trust. And then they do this horrible thing to you, right? And then you you tell a trusted adult, someone you love, speaker-1: you speaker-0: And they shame you. They shame you. And tell you you're disgusting and to not tell anyone. And then you live with this but see here's the fucking kicker. speaker-1: you speaker-0: It just it doesn't stop. It wasn't just that one time. Then it goes on for months and months and months and months. And your poor little ten year old body just can't handle it. And so the mind goes somewhere else in space in There's a quietness in space. You float in the sky with the clouds. You're just not here, but the body. The body's still there. The mind. It's a beautiful thing with the mind. The mind can go anywhere. But the body. The body is where the body is. The body is grounded to the earth. The body cannot move. The body's stuck. But the mind the mind drifts. It can float away to to your imagination. speaker-1: you speaker-0: to unseen worlds only you know, you only possess these worlds within your within your mind. With the body. She's speaker-1: Sh. speaker-0: She endures. And she holds on to these secrets. She keeps them locked up. So that your mind doesn't have the agony of remembering. But the mind's an interesting thing though, because through your whole life you you just feel like something's off. You just know you have little snippets of things and you go, God, where? Was that a dream? Was that a was that a movie I watched at some point? Where what is that? I don't know. And You even asked. person that you continue to trust because you don't remember that they told you, that they shamed you. Right? And they never talk to you about it again, so they have no idea that the abuse is continuing and you as the little girl, you're like, okay, I'm not supposed to say anything. It's a secret. Right? And so here I am, all these years later, as an adult. remembering and it it feels like it's happening for the first time for me and my body is grieving in a tremendous way. But my mind too my mind is as my mind remembers, my body is able to grieve, my body is able to release And she's so grateful for it. She's been she's been holding on to this for so long and she's so tired. And we remembered a lot and it's been heavy as shit. Like heavy and incredibly painful. speaker-1: you speaker-0: Confusing. speaker-1: You speaker-0: But the body tells the mind there's one last thing to remember. And you're like, No, I can't You're like, Nope, I can't. I don't I don't wanna remember. Because somewhere in the mind and in the body, you know that this last p piece, this this last memory is really it's a doozy. And you just don't want to remember. Because you've grieved so much, it's been so hard. It's been beyond hard. And your body though, she's ready. My body, she's ready to release this. She's begging my mind, please take care of me. Because this is what happens. This is what we've learned. And the mind is so smart. The ego. In a way she's keeping us safe. Right? The ego. And so I've learned so much, right? I've I've had this Awakening, right? I've I've learned to come home to myself, to love myself truly, unconditionally. I've done my shadow work and continue and always do will do it. You know, there's always something to be learned. And I've learned to take my shadows and create this beautiful golden shadow, right? To make my weaknesses my strengths. speaker-1: you speaker-0: And I've learned to listen to my body. I've created a new relationship with her. I listen to her and I love her and I honor her and I've learned how to regulate my nervous system. But my mind also sees patterns and knows things, right? Pick up on things and every time I take really good care of my body, I took good care of her. I'm nourishing her and I am regulating her nervous system so well she becomes relaxed, she becomes comfortable. speaker-1: Thanks speaker-0: And then she feels safe. And when she feels safe, she allows the mind to remember what the body's what she's been holding on to, what she's been keeping a secret for so long. And the mind just goes wants to disassociate, can't handle it. But the body says, You're you're strong enough now. You can do it. I know you can you can do it. I believe in you. I know, I've seen you do it. You've gotten us so far, you know. But I need to I need to release this now because it's killing me. It's making me sick. Please take care of me. My body is right pleading with my mind. Please take care of me. Please take care of me. Nurture me. Love me. Honor me. So that I may heal. So that I may feel safe. So that I may feel safe to show you the rest of the secret so that we can both release it. I, my body, this body, to grieve it, to release it, and for you, the mind to finally know it's been hanging over you and you're just so scared and I get it, right? But my body says it's time. It's time to remember. It's time to release this, to grieve it, to release it, to heal. So I'm in this loop of self sabotage. of doing things to my body that I know causes a delay with with my eating, with smoking weed. with not doing the things that I know that I need to do that would help me to benefit me. Because I just don't I don't want to remember. It's too painful. But my ego is humbled enough to know that it's time to to move on. It's it's time to finally do this. It's to finally Honor my body truly so that she can release this and honor my mind so that she can rest as well. So that we can be in harmony, so that we can be at peace. Because I know that I'm I'm strong enough and I'm resilient. I know I can do it, I know I can handle it. So in my meditation with my body, with my higher self and with spirit. I just here settle the mind. You no longer need to go into the shadow. At least not for now. You don't need to sit in your shadow. You don't need to do more psychology or have any more lessons. You've learned the west wisdom that you need currently. Now let's turn this into knowledge. Let's integrate wisdom with knowledge. Right? I want you to learn. There's spirit shows me certain things to learn. While I also hear no more scrying. you know, pause on some of the spirituality of expanding consciousness. Just I want you to just meditate. Just ground. Be with mother and Mother Gaia, right? That's your true mother. Pachamama, right? Sit with her, love her. Allow her to love you. Sit in the sun by the water. bathe, you know, underneath the the moon and the stars. Speak to speaker-1: Sp- speaker-0: To mother moon. Listen to the birds and the trees. Just ground your body, nourish your body, take care of your body. Give yourself two months. Give yourself the summer, right? Embrace your being a kid, right? Like do the things you used to love as a kid. Do the things that you always wanted to do as a kid that you were you couldn't do or you were unable to do or too scared to do. Do it now, right? Just love yourself. Have fun. Put the worries down. Embrace this time you have. So that you can truly Allow your body, allow her to rest. Honor her. Truly honor her. Love her. So that she can Show you the mind, the ego. Show you what it is she knows. She's trying to heal but we have to allow her to do what she needs to do, right? And so I sit at a crossroads currently. Choice is mine, I suppose, but perhaps it's really not because my soul is just far too restless to allow me to continue in this looping with myself. So. Guess I guess here goes nothing, right? What do we have to lose? I only have everything to gain.