Latest / The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast / 72. Capacity for final trial: staying calm & credible in family court

Transcript

72. Capacity for final trial: staying calm & credible in family court · The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Post Separation Abuse Podcast, the podcast for parents who are navigating post-separation life with clarity, courage and compassion.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Danielle Black, Postseparation Parenting Coach and creator of the Post Separation Parenting Blueprint.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're talking about something that can feel utterly overwhelming.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Final trial in the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Let's be honest, final trial is one of the most intense experiences that any parent will ever go through.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's high stakes, it's emotionally draining, and for protective parents it's often the culmination of years of advocating for their children's safety and well being.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Part of what makes this so hard is that it's not really about justice, validation or accountability.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be confronting when you've also been managing trauma and may have experienced coercive control or other forms of family violence and post-separation abuse.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: So the goal isn't to quote, win.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, it's to show up as calm, credible, and child focused, even under enormous pressure.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: During a trial, being cross-examined, hearing confronting evidence, perhaps sitting through long days of tension and stress, your nervous system will likely be on high alert.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Your body can flood with adrenaline and cortisol, your heart races, your breathing becomes shallow, and thinking clearly becomes harder.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a weakness on your part, that's just biology.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the good news is you can train your nervous system to remain within your window of tolerance.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: That means staying alert and present, but also being calm enough to think clearly and strategically and respond thoughtfully.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: There are some simple daily practices that can help you to build that capacity long before you walk into court.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Things like deep breathing exercises with longer exhales, gentle movement, short mindfulness or grounding routines, and being aware of what triggers your stress response so that you can prepare for it ahead of time.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: In the weeks and even months before trial, preparation shouldn't just be about legal arguments and strategy, affidavits, subpoenas and other documentation, it should also include emotion and nervous system regulation and resilience.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Creating daily habits that support you, such as a grounding morning routine, a calming evening window, and simple things like getting enough sleep, getting enough hydration, and the right kind of nourishment from your food.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And don't underestimate the power of visualization.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Imagining yourself being calm and confident in the courtroom.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: This can actually train your brain to behave that way when it counts.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: When I coach clients through this phase, we also practice calm regulated responses to difficult and challenging questions so that even under cross-examination, they can optimize the likelihood of being able to speak clearly and stay composed, because calm equals credible.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Trial mornings can be chaotic.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Early starts, tight schedules, the adrenaline's pumping, so I encourage parents to begin the day gently, a few deep breaths before getting out of bed, and a simple mantra, maybe something like I am prepared, I am strong, I can do hard things calmly.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: To eat something nourishing, even if you don't feel hungry, to wear clothes that make you feel steady and comfortable, and to give yourself time because rushing around really does fuel anxiety.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: On your way to court, use grounding techniques if possible and safe.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: For example, noticing five things that you can see, four things that you can touch, three things that you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's a simple but powerful way to bring your mind back to the present.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you're sitting in the courtroom, remember you're not being judged as a person.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: For the professionals involved, this isn't personal.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, it's your capacity that's being assessed, how you think, how you regulate, how you communicate and most importantly, how you prioritize your children.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: During testimony or cross examination, it's important to breathe before answering, to slow your speech slightly, to answer only what is asked, and to avoid taking the bait from aggressive questioning.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can also use quiet inner mantras such as I respond not react and the barrister is just doing their job.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not personal.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my calm response is my power.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Those words can anchor you when everything else might feel overwhelming.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of each day, your nervous system may be exhausted.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: You might feel shaky, emotional or numb.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: All of that's really normal.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So a gentle decompression routine can help, such as changing out of the court clothes as soon as you're home, having a shower, something to eat, hydration, moving your body gently and rest.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid replaying every word of the day.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: What your brain really needs is recovery, not a relitigation of the day.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And once the trial's over, even if you're not aware of the outcome, allow space for grief, relief and rest because you've just done something huge.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: And whatever happens next, please remember, your capacity is what helps you to protect your children and to advocate for them.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode has been helpful, you'll find a much more detailed guide with checklists, daily practices and practical scripts in my digital resource.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Capacity for Final Trial, a guide for protective parents.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's available as a bonus resource inside module 20 Legal Considerations in the Post Separation Parenting Blueprint and as a standalone digital download from my website danielleblackcoaching.com.au.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a calm neuroscience informed guide designed to help you to show up as your most grounded, credible self for your children and also for you.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, none of this process defines you.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's simply a chapter where your strength, awareness, and preparation really do matter the most.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Take care of yourself gently and know that you do have everything within you to get through this, and that I'm here to help if needed.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being with me here today on this episode of the Post Separation Abuse Podcast.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to chatting with you again soon.