Latest / What The Heck with Matt Bellassai / Instuationships, The Cake Shake, and Kid-Kicking Robots?!

Transcript

Instuationships, The Cake Shake, and Kid-Kicking Robots?! · What The Heck with Matt Bellassai

0:00
I'm not charmed by your child. I don't think it's cute just
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because it's a baby. I don't know this baby.
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I have no biological imperative to keep that baby alive.
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In fact, in my biology, evolutionarily, my instinct is
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to eat that child. Welcome back to What the Heck
0:20
with Matt Bellassi, a show about what the heck is going on, What
0:23
the heck is happening and all the things that are making me
0:25
say what the heck of which there are many folks.
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Some people think, oh, surely he'll run out of stuff to
0:32
complain about. Never, never in my life will I
0:35
run out of shit to complain about.
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And if, if we're all dead and I'm the last one alive, I'll
0:40
turn the cameras on and say let's get bitchin.
0:43
So, yeah, I've had an interesting day.
0:45
Got up, got up, you know, have my breakfast.
0:49
And then the horror started and the immortal words of our of our
0:54
hero, Reba McEntire. Have you ever seen that tweet
0:58
where she says woke up and then the terror started?
1:03
Sent from my iPad. Reba McEntire, country icon,
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redhead icon, single mom who works 2 jobs, who loves her kids
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and never stops and absolute master poster.
1:19
She's she's firing off some great posts folks on the
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Internet. Reba McEntire, one of the great
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posts of all time is when she said woke up like had my coffee
1:30
and then the horrors started or the terrors started.
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I should just look that tweet up.
1:35
Reba Tweet sent from my iPad to catch you up to The tweet was to
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catch you up to speed. Had a good breakfast and then
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the torture started. Dot dot dot.
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Sent from my iPad July 20, 2010 See, she's been posting, Reba's
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been posting. Never doubt Reba McIntyre.
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She's always ahead of the game. Anyway, that was me this
2:06
morning. It was basically Reba because I
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had my, you know, I had my morning and then I was making
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lunch. Obviously, I was still in my
2:13
underwear and pyjama shirt. I was making some scrambled eggs
2:17
for lunch, as you do Sometimes I like little egg for lunch.
2:21
Who doesn't? And then truffles started
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barking. Someone's at the door.
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Great. I've I have to throw on
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sweatpants. I have to answer the door.
2:31
My building will do like, like preventative pest maintenance
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because this is New York City and people got what bugs,
2:40
including this building sometimes.
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So they have to come through and they always do.
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Like, they'll send an e-mail that's like, yeah, we'll come
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by. You'll you'll never know when,
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we'll never tell. But we will be coming sometime
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in the near future. And then they show up when
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you're least expecting it. Your butt hole is basically out.
3:00
And not only was it the pest control guy, but it was this
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lovely lady who was, I don't know what they're called a
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surveyor. I guess I don't really know what
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that means 'cause she's not doing surveys.
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A survey is as far as I'm concerned is, you know, how old
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are you? What's your, what's your race?
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Are you Hispanic? They always, they always ask
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that are you Hispanic? And then I have to be like,
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which, which one is Hispania again?
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But she was a surveyor and she said, are you mad?
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And at first I was like, yes. But then she was like, are you
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Matt? There was like, there was an
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implied dot, dot, dot. This woman unfortunately did
3:47
recognize me. And I was like, God damn.
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Not to be like, oh, my God, it's so difficult to get recognized
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in your own home. But like, could not imagine a
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worse scenario for someone to identify me as like a figure
4:02
that they follow on the Internet while I'm standing.
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Seconds ago I was nearly naked with a pan of of scrambled eggs
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on the stove. Now I'm standing there, my hair
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is all over the place. I got piles of laundry all over.
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Like haven't cleaned, haven't done anything.
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Truffles is barking her ass off and now I'm like truly nightmare
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nightmare. I'm like, you are seeing me in a
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condition I would not let my worst enemies see me in.
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Luckily, she was not my worst enemy as far as I know.
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I don't really know where's what she's doing with the information
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that she gathered from me. She wanted to know how many
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closets I had. I was like I, I kind of went
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through all the ways in which she might use that information
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against me before I admitted to having, I'm not even going to
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disclose how many closets I have.
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That's none of your business. You know what?
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It's Pride Month, and the number of closets that a homosexual has
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is between him and the surveyor who comes to his apartment when
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he's least expecting it. But truly, I'm like, I don't
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know how many of the listeners, I don't know what we're calling
5:07
them yet. I prefer Bella psychos for the
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for the fans, Bella psychos in the Bella Asylum riot.
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It works on on many levels. I don't know how many of the
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Bella psychos live in apartment buildings, but some of the time
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they'll just come at you unannounced and they show up and
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it's always when you least expect.
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It's the same thing with what do you call it when, when the
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electric people or the cable people are like, we're coming,
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we're coming and you better be ready.
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And also, we might be there anytime between sunrise and
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dusk. And it's like, what the fuck am
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I supposed to do with that information?
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Normally, I would be in my underwear on the couch, spread
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eagle, all right? And now I have to have clothes
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on. I have to have a hat nearby.
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I have to make sure that shit is cleaned up.
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You can't be doing this to me. Either give me a specific window
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less than 30 minutes that you will show up or don't even
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bother. I'll deal with the pest myself,
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No. Anyway, yeah, I did get a frozen
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pina colada via DoorDash. You better believe the second I
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saw frozen pina colada as an option for delivery.
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How am I supposed to resist that?
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They said, are you 21? I said absolutely, and if I
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wasn't I'd still say I was because this is just the
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Internet and how are you even going to know?
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He didn't check my ID, he just left it at the door.
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I haven't had a pina colada in so long.
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It hits so good. You always forget about a pina
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colada and then with this one comes glistening.
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It comes like, you know Aphrodite from the sea, and
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suddenly it's in your face. Yum.
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Moving on, there's been a number of fireworks going off because
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the New York Knicks, of course, are in the NBA Finals.
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By the time you're hearing this, either they won or something
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horrific has happened and they've lost.
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But I am being confronted with basketball in a way that I
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simply should not be as a as a man of homosexual inclination.
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I took basketball class once when I was like in second grade
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as an 8 year old. We took basketball class, which
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was like 45 minutes every Wednesday night.
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Terrible at it. I was absolutely terrible at it.
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They thought that they were getting something because I'm
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tall. Guess what?
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Guess what? I got a little Efsler with it.
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Yeah. Like, some of us are blessed
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with height and cursed with homosexuality, and we have to
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kind of deal with that. I don't really care about
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basketball, but I'm being forced to think about it because of the
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Knicks. And listen, do I love a little
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bandwagon, you know, enjoyment of some sports?
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You better believe it. OK?
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Love some bandwagon, love some Fairweather fanning.
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Because I was trying. I was literally thinking of it
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in terms of like, how would I feel if someone made fun of
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Harry Styles, but then when he got super big, they were like
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into it. That was kind of the terms that
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I had to put sports into to understand it.
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And I was like, no, I, I would be mad at, I wouldn't be mad if
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they suddenly got into him because of a really good album.
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I would be mad if they were shitting on him and then
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converting once they liked something.
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So it's like, I've never, I've, I was never shitting on the
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Knicks. I just want to join in on the
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fun. Now.
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The thing that I loved the most about the Knicks going to the
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Finals and and doing so well is when Elmo tweeted Elmo tweeted.
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Elmo just hopes both teams have fun and people were like hey
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Elmo, have you considered fucking killing yourself?
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Hey Elmo, how about you wrap your friend Rocco around your
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neck and go jump into the Hudson?
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What the fuck is wrong with you, you little red bitch?
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Why? And it's true, even AOC had to
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get on and be like, hey Elmo, what?
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What fucking zip code is Sesame Street in again?
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You little red bitch, You little red motherfucking bitch.
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I hope you fucking die. And yeah, he's only three years
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old, but fuck that kid. Who cares?
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Who cares if he's three years old?
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I'm so sick of us catering to people just because they're
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three years old. Why should I care if you're if
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you if you're a shitty person, you're a shitty person.
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I don't care how old you are, even if you're 2-3 years old,
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that piece of that kid is shitty.
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There was that famous tweet of someone who was like OK so a
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deadbeat. We call someone a deadbeat dad
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because they leave a child. Maybe that child had bad vibes.
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Yes, and they often do. They often do have bad vibes.
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I'm so sick of children. I'm so sick of catering to these
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children. I will not respect a three-year
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old. I don't give a fuck if that's
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your child. I don't like how people, I don't
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like how people are like look at my look at my kid.
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Like I'm supposed to just automatically like it because
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it's your kid. No, I don't know that that's a
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stranger. That's a stranger to me.
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I was on a flight recently, It was an international flight, OK,
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I was checking it because I had a window seat and the whole row
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empty all day. I was checking it before the
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flight being like, yes, yes, yes, 'cause it's one of the most
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beautiful things that can happen to a person is that you are, you
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get the whole row to yourself. It's what you want, it's what
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you pray for. And I was getting it and then at
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the last minute some bitch got the aisle seat and I was like,
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OK, we still have a seat between us.
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This is not, not bad. We're getting somewhere.
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I was already in a bad mood because this lady gets on the
11:10
plane and she says, oh, I think I'm in your seat.
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And I was like, no sweetie, I don't think so.
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OK, been studying the seat map all day.
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Anyway, I was sitting in CF This bitch comes in, she's in the
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aisle seat, seat DI believe 'cause guess what?
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ABCDEF, that's been the alphabet for ever since they invented it.
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And she was like, oh, I think you're in my seat.
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And I was like, no sweetie, I don't think so.
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I'm I'm in the window, 'cause that's always where I am.
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And she didn't fight me on it, but she did say in a very shady
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way, she was like, so funny how it looks like it says I'm in the
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I'm in the window. That is funny, isn't it?
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I was like, bitch, do you want to fight with me?
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This is not like a complicated thing.
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I'm like, this is 3 seats on one side and three seats on the
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other side. Look at them and they show you a
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picture of it. They don't even give you.
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That's the thing that was really pissing me off because they gave
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her a fucking picture. They show you the picture on the
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app on your phone. It says here, here you are.
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How much clearer does it need to be?
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This is why they need to ask people if you should be in the
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emergency row exit, because they know some dumbasses are going to
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sit in there and the second shit starts to go down, you're going
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to fucking screw everybody over. I need to take a deep breath.
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I'm just taking rips off this pina colada and going ham.
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But anyway, this bitch thought she was going to get me, get me
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flight takes off. We're on our way.
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I put my face mask on, you know, nod off.
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I feel something tapping me and I turn and I'm like, sorry.
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I took up my mask. I asked her.
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I was like sorry. And she, she was like Oh no no,
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that wasn't me, that was him. And I look down and there's a
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fucking baby in the middle of seat all of a sudden.
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Where did this baby come from? Whose child is this?
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I was so flabbergasted. It turns out I think she was
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either like the the nanny that was with like the parents who
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were in another row, but she and they like passed the baby off to
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her mid flight. And so it's like now it's my
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problem. It's like that Kanye West tweet.
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No, I can't invoke him, but remember that one time he
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tweeted like, I hate when they give you a water bottle while
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you're asleep on the airplane and now you wake up and you're
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like, now I'm responsible for this water bottle.
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He did kind of go off with that. I'll give it to him.
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Not a fan of all of the Nazi stuff.
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Don't love that. Don't love all the Hitler stuff
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that he's doing. But the water bottle tweet that
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is, I can get behind. We have to separate the artist
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from the art when it comes to what?
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The water bottle Kanye tweet. But yeah, he was like, who's
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fucking baby is this now? I'm responsible for this baby.
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And she thought it was so cute that it was touching me.
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No, I'm not charmed by your child.
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I don't think it's cute just because it's a baby.
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I don't know this baby. I have no biological imperative
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to keep that baby alive. In fact, in my biology,
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evolutionarily, my instinct is to eat that child.
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I fear we got away from Elmo. I fear I was going off about
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Elmo, and then I sort of went on a rant about how I'm not charmed
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by children. But yeah, people were kind of
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really going off on Elmo in a very real way that I think was
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hilarious. They were like, hey, why don't
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you shut your fucking mouth? You live on where?
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That's right, Sesame Street, bitch.
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OK, let's watch. Watch who you're talking to
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before you open that yap of yours and start going off by
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both teams having fun. Up that fucking fish of yours
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dies. Up that little goldfish of
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yours? You find him belly up tomorrow
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morning. Elmo, wouldn't.
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It would be a shame if that happened, wouldn't it?
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Yeah. No, I'm not going to fucking
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tickle you, you pervert. Anyway, what else is going on
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this week? Tom Brady, AKA guy who's really
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clinging to the label. Metrosexual.
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One of the last true metrosexuals that we have.
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Tom Brady used to be Ryan Seacrest, but then he died.
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And now Tom Brady's really carrying the torch.
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He's carrying the flame of the metrosexual.
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And I think most people have sort of moved beyond it 'cause
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either you were like, yeah, I'm just a guy who takes care of
15:45
myself, or you admitted to being a homosexual.
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But Tom Brady still really, he's sort of telling that line, isn't
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he? And it only got worse because
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this week he announced a new brand of coconut water called
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and, you guessed it, Good night, Thomas.
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Thomas Bradwell, you know damn well what you were doing when
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you named it Good Nut. Either he has no homosexuals in
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his life, which I find hard to believe, or all of the
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homosexuals in his life are playing a joke on him, or he
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knows what he's doing. But no, Tom Brady came out with
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Good Nut coconut water and everybody was like, you know,
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you. This sounds like exactly what it
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sounds like, and I don't know if he does.
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It is time that someone was finally brave enough.
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And I guess Tom Brady had to be the one to do it to admit the
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coconut water tastes like man juice.
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OK, it always has ever since the first sip of coconut water that
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I said I I tasted the first droplet of it that hit my
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tongue, the first droplet of it that sprinkled down and hit my
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tongue. I was like, oh, this is semen.
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Yeah. Couldn't imagine something that
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coconut water tastes more like than straight up jizz.
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Couldn't imagine anything it tastes less like than coconut.
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What are you talking about? That's coconut water.
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How is the how's the meat taste that much different than what's
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inside the meat? You know what, I heard it and I
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will not be addressing it. But no, the most egregious thing
17:26
was that the Tom Brady good nut coconut water is coming in three
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flavors, original, sparkling and chocolate coconut water.
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Tom, what are you thinking? Chocolate coconut water?
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That's I'm going to throw up. I mean, I guess I do love an
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Almond Joy. I love a Mounds bar.
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So I love German chocolate cake 'cause I'm like an 80 year old
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woman. You know what really pisses me
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off is the German chocolate cake with is not from Germany.
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No, it was invented by some lady in Texas.
18:07
Why are we calling it that? Why are we calling it German
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chocolate cake if it was invented by some bitch in Texas?
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People in Texas be doing stuff like that.
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What do you mean? Paris, TX?
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Get the fuck out of here. You live in Texas, don't try to
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be special. You're already trying to claim
18:23
too much. We have a Paris already.
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Actually, it's in Las Vegas. But anyway, shout out to Tom
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Brady for finally being brave enough to say what none of us
18:35
could out loud. And that is coconut water is man
18:38
juice. And yeah, every other joke that
18:41
can be made about Tom Brady drinking good night is has been
18:44
made already. The other thing I wanted to
18:46
shout out was that kid in China. Did you see that kid who got
18:50
kicked in the stomach by a robot?
18:56
Let me just watch that video. Yeah, there's just this video of
19:01
this child getting his shit rocked by this, by this robot.
19:07
And I think it's so funny. It really forces you to consider
19:11
what would happen in a robot uprising, 'cause I'm like, fuck,
19:16
kid gets kicked, let's see, show me the kid getting kicked.
19:24
I want to see a computer make this kid getting kicked in the
19:28
head. A robot performance at a park in
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China had to be put on hold after a humanoid robot
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performing martial arts kicked a small child right in the
19:37
stomach, according to state-run local media.
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The boy was seriously hurt, but his parents I love.
19:43
I love everything about this video.
19:45
You could not have made a video more specifically to my
19:47
interests. Why is why is the robot have a a
19:52
blue Afro? First of all, he's he's dressed
19:55
like thing one and thing 2, which I love.
19:59
I just love that that robot, the the robot was not even like just
20:05
doing something else and the kid got in the way.
20:08
The robot like locked in on that child and was like you need to
20:12
be karate chopped in the fucking phase.
20:15
That robot just like, activated fucking Cobra Kai mode.
20:18
He went, he went full Karate Kid mode.
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That's going to be the next Karate Kid.
20:22
It sucks. It sucks that like the robots
20:25
are rising up against children 'cause it's really making me be
20:28
like, who am I going to side with?
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I know I'm going to be outvoted. If we put it to a vote.
20:34
I know most people would be like probably the kids, but I've
20:37
been, I'm kind of rooting for robot in this, in this matchup.
20:40
Unfortunately, in this matchup, kids versus robot, I'm going
20:44
robot. I'm going to say, I'm going to
20:46
go ahead and say, how about you get your shit rocked?
20:50
I'm sorry to that child, but that was fucking hilarious.
20:54
I'm sorry. I'm sure he was a lovely child.
20:57
I do think he was being a little dramatic about it.
20:59
I'm like, OK, he's like doubled over.
21:02
He barely touched you, OK? Also, the World Cup is firing
21:07
up, which we love. I'm really being forced to think
21:11
about sports in a way that I normally I'm not.
21:14
It's kind of overwhelming for someone who doesn't give a shit
21:17
because I have so many other things to focus on right now.
21:20
OK, I have Love Island, I have Real Housewives of Rhode Island,
21:25
I have. There's a lot that I'm worrying
21:27
about. OK, I don't have time to be
21:29
thinking about all these sports, but the World Cup is happening.
21:32
They said you have to pay attention to soccer now and it
21:35
only happens once every like 7 years or something.
21:38
So the World Cup is happening. My favorite thing, my favorite
21:40
dispatches from the World Cup thus far have been from these
21:45
like European teams who are coming to the US and
21:47
experiencing American cuisine for the first time.
21:50
And they are not built for it. And I'm, I'm afraid of some of
21:53
the gastrointestinal sufferings that are going to come out of
21:58
this World Cup. It's not, it's not good.
22:01
You're taking someone from Germany, putting them in Chicago
22:04
and feeding them Portillo's. Someone is going to die.
22:09
There was someone from the German soccer team this week who
22:14
was tweeting about how the team went to Portillo's.
22:18
Which of you don't know Portillo's?
22:19
It's like, like hot dog, beef sandwich burger kind of place in
22:26
Chicago. And their most famous item is
22:29
called the cake shake, which is, yeah, you guessed it, an entire
22:34
shake, vanilla shake with a whole piece of chocolate fudge
22:39
cake blended into it. And it's not even.
22:44
Here's my thing. If it was just.
22:46
And I'm a Chicagoan, I I come from Chicago, OK, born and
22:51
raised. This is a body built by beef
22:53
sandwiches and deep dish pizza. All right.
22:56
And I'm not a fake. I'm not a poser.
22:58
I saw someone say that like, deep dish pizza is like a
23:00
touristy food. I'm, I was raised on deep dish.
23:04
I get deep dish every time I'm in Chicago.
23:07
My family still gets it all the time.
23:09
Love it. Giordano's and like Gino's East
23:12
and Lou Malnati's, Those are like the three deep dish pizza
23:16
places, the big, the big, the big three.
23:19
Maybe those are a little more touristy, but like deep dishes,
23:23
it's good no matter where you get it from.
23:26
I'm not going to argue about deep dish, OK?
23:27
I know some people are like, it's not pizza.
23:29
I mean, I don't give a fuck what you think.
23:30
You don't know what you're talking about, OK?
23:33
You're out of your league. You're out of your league.
23:35
Anybody who has an opinion on deep dish who's not from
23:37
Chicago, get the fuck out of here.
23:38
You don't know what you're talking about.
23:40
You're you're so wrong. It hurts me to even think about.
23:47
Calm down, Portillo's the cake shake.
23:50
The thing that bothers me about the cake shake is that they're
23:53
blending the whole slice of cake so as to be nearly
23:57
unrecognizable. Where where it's like at that
24:00
point that is just kind of the fattest thing that you can do in
24:05
a beautiful way. No disrespect.
24:07
But like, it's one thing if you had like chunks of cake, this is
24:11
like you're just blending. It's like what you would do to a
24:15
malnourished child to make them gain weight.
24:19
This is like what they do to force people to gain weight who
24:23
are sickly is like, yeah, we'll just blend a piece of chocolate
24:26
cake into a into a full milkshake.
24:29
Imagine you got a milkshake from like McDonald's, but then you
24:32
put a whole slice of chocolate fudge cake into it and blended
24:37
it up so that it essentially was just a chocolate shake Now.
24:40
But all of the chocolate flavors coming from.
24:42
Yeah, a whole slice of chocolate fudge cake.
24:46
I can't get over it. I haven't had one in a long
24:48
time, which is scary. It's scary that the one time
24:51
I've had it was when I was like a a child who whose very essence
24:57
could be destroyed by a sip of cake shake.
25:01
I think if I'm going for like a brownie or a cakey like ice
25:05
cream situation, I would like to experience kind of chunk a chunk
25:11
of brownie, a chunk of cake. If you're just blending it, it's
25:15
like, what are you doing? This is the at this point, it's
25:18
no longer about the enjoyment. It's just about kind of caloric
25:22
intake. Yeah.
25:24
But Chicago is a city of greed, and I do kind of love that.
25:28
Chicago, I think, is one of our truly gluttonous cities in a
25:32
beautiful way. And I think that is there is a
25:37
rotundity to the citizens of Chicago that you're not finding
25:43
elsewhere. Texas thinks it's doing what
25:45
Chicago is doing. It's not.
25:47
Everything is bigger in Texas. I don't think so, sweetheart.
25:51
OK, let's go to Chicago. What is the symbol of Chicago?
25:54
The bean. A a round figure.
25:58
A A a figure with with. Oh oh, absolutely massive waste.
26:04
One of one of my favorite jokes in Chicago, the moving walkway.
26:09
The moving walkway at the airport.
26:11
Nobody's using that as a moving walkway.
26:13
People are using that as a stationary walkway in in
26:15
Chicago, IL, people are standing on that moving walkway and you
26:20
better believe it. They're not walking anywhere.
26:22
Anywhere that you can physically stand still in Chicago.
26:25
You're going to do it. May she rest in peace.
26:29
It was kind of blown off the map this week.
26:37
There was like a massive storm that hit Chicago.
26:40
My parents lost power for several hours, perhaps days.
26:44
Yeah, producer Barry is not in the room with us because she was
26:47
in Chicago and she got swept away.
26:49
Unfortunately she is somewhere somewhere South of Kansas
26:54
probably. But I growing up outside of
26:58
Chicago I was so afraid of storms.
27:01
One of my earliest memories was a tornado that hit a public pool
27:05
that we were at when I was younger.
27:06
And like, I remember they made us all get out of the pool
27:09
because there was lightning. And then we were like, OK, we'll
27:12
go eat lunch. And as I was like getting ready
27:15
to chomp into my peanut butter and Jelly, I saw the clouds move
27:19
in. And the clouds were moving like
27:22
smoke. That's how like quickly they
27:25
were. They were rolling in and it was
27:27
so scary. And we ran for the nearest
27:29
bathroom, which was the women's bathroom, gender neutral.
27:35
We actually commandeered the space to make it gender neutral.
27:39
And I remember it was like we were crowded against the wall as
27:44
the winds like whipped outside. The image in my mind from that
27:48
day is my cousin. My My cousin was a couple years
27:51
older, eating a hot dog, tears streaming down his face,
27:56
shaking, taking a bite of his hot dog in the women's bathroom.
28:02
He was not letting that hot dog go to waste.
28:04
He was like, when I was in grade school, we used to have tornado
28:08
drills, which was they'd sound the drill and you'd have to go
28:12
leave the classroom, go into the hallway and form a line against
28:16
the wall and get into like the fetal position with your arms
28:19
over your head. And if you got so there was a
28:23
first line right against the wall.
28:25
But then if it had to double up, you'd have to get right behind
28:28
the kid in front of you, which was just putting your face in
28:32
someone else's ass, human centipede style.
28:36
They had us doubled up. Chicago.
28:41
The World Cup. Yeah, the World Cup is
28:44
happening. The World Cup is happening.
28:46
They're all coming. I do.
28:47
I really want to revive my career as the World Cup hot guy
28:53
expert, because I was. I think I'd written a couple of
28:56
posts for BuzzFeed back in the day about the hottest World Cup
29:00
players. And then like a Morning News
29:02
segment asked me to come on to do a like a thing about the
29:07
hottest World Cup players. And I was like, I was fucking
29:10
Anderson Cooper in that moment. I was Wolf Blitzer.
29:15
I said, you better believe I'm I'm becoming the Walter Cronkite
29:19
of Dick, Dick, ass and balls. But I need to revive that.
29:24
We need to bring it either on this pod or just like on TikTok
29:27
or something. I need to bring back my
29:29
expertise. One thing I'm not loving is the
29:34
the sort of European surge that we're going to see here in New
29:38
York, 'cause I don't know if I'm ready to deal with all that
29:41
foreskin speaking kind of foreskin wise.
29:44
I'm not sure about that. It's going to be a lot to handle
29:49
'cause sometimes it's kind of a surprise.
29:50
You're not expecting it. I don't think that in America, I
29:53
think like you confront A gentleman, you know, one thing
29:56
leads to another. Stuff comes out of its enclosure
29:59
and it's you're not expecting it to have a hood on.
30:04
You're not always expecting a hat, but then it comes out and
30:06
it's got a hat on and it's like, OK, now this is kind of an extra
30:09
element that I didn't know we were dealing with ahead of time,
30:12
but it would have been nice to have some sort of heads up or
30:15
heads in. I do love that the World Cup is
30:23
like, we should not be hosting that shit.
30:26
Absolutely not. I can't imagine a country less
30:28
prepared for an influx of of people from around the world.
30:32
All of these Europeans are like, yeah, we're just going to walk
30:35
to the stadium. And like, New York has to be
30:37
like, you cannot walk. The stadium is so far away.
30:42
You'll die. You'll die.
30:44
The journey there is something you can't even comprehend with
30:47
your European mind. OK.
30:49
It's like walking between fucking England and France.
30:53
It's a journey that few have survived.
30:55
Anyway, we haven't even really gotten into my What the Hecks
30:59
for the day. This is just kind of me talking
31:00
about what the heck is going on, but I think we move on to my
31:04
What the Hecks 1st. I know I'm an adult and I should
31:11
know how to schedule stuff, but anybody who's trying to schedule
31:15
something with me more than a week in advanced, that time does
31:19
not exist yet. That's not real, babe.
31:23
Anything beyond seven days from now is absolutely so far in the
31:27
future. I can't even fathom it.
31:29
You measure your plans and sentries.
31:32
I measure my plans in meal times, and anything that is 2
31:36
lunches and three dinners from now is none of my business.
31:39
That's all I can think about. Oh, are you free next?
31:44
Nope. The second you the second you
31:47
say the word next in front of a day.
31:50
It's too far away. It's too far away from me.
31:52
I don't know when that is. I don't know what I could.
31:55
I'm I'm probably not even the same person.
31:57
Then what do they say? A person changes yourselves
31:59
every like, I don't know, three days or something.
32:02
Seven years. Oh, you want to do something
32:05
next week? No, I'll be I'll be at least
32:08
seven days. Cells worth of different body,
32:10
then I'm barely even thinking the same way.
32:13
Physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually.
32:16
I may be I'm a completely different person by then.
32:18
There's no way that we're planning something more than a
32:21
week in advance. I'm not pulling out a schedule.
32:24
I'm not pulling out an itinerary.
32:27
But yeah, people are always asking, you know, oh, are you
32:31
free? Are you free this time?
32:33
I don't know. You're going to have to circle
32:34
back on that because I'm not thinking.
32:36
I'm not thinking that far ahead. I'm thinking, what am I going to
32:39
eat later, what time I'm going to go to bed, and what am I
32:43
going to eat when I wake up? Relatedly, I'm not trying to buy
32:49
a movie theater ticket months in advance.
32:53
Since when did we ticketmasterify the movie going
32:57
experience? Now I have to buy a ticket to a
33:01
movie that's not even this year. Are you insane?
33:05
Are you out of your GD mind? I I just got tickets to The
33:08
Odyssey, Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey, which I will be going
33:12
to see. Apparently I know the exact date
33:15
in the future that I'll be going to.
33:16
I had to buy a calendar so that I can fucking write it down.
33:21
I'm going to see The Odyssey and my friends wanted to buy
33:23
tickets. So I bought some tickets and I
33:24
was like why? What do you mean if I, if you
33:26
asked me to see a movie and I have to pull up the calendar and
33:29
flip two months in advance, I'm out, I'm staying home.
33:34
I won't be seeing that film. That's what I'm seeing that film
33:37
when I'm, when I'm on an airplane three or five years in
33:40
the future. I, I appreciate the reserved
33:44
seat situation. I do like that we have moved
33:47
into an era where I can reserve seats.
33:52
I know exactly where I'm sitting.
33:54
I get there. No, I'm going to have a spot.
33:55
I don't have to try to get there an hour, 2 hours ahead of time.
33:59
I will kick you out of the seat. I'll tell you that much.
34:02
If you're in my seat, I don't care.
34:04
Get up. Get up.
34:06
Oh, you got your shit all spread out.
34:07
That's fine. Get your stuff.
34:08
Get your stuff and get the fuck up.
34:10
I got the seat. I picked it out.
34:12
It was, it was all mine. And now you, you decide you were
34:15
just going to claim it. Oh, can we switch?
34:17
I was my friend and I got it. No, I don't care.
34:20
I don't want to hear it. Save.
34:22
Save your breath. Actually, while you're saying
34:24
all of these excuses, you can be picking up all of your shit.
34:26
Get your coat, get your coat, get your purse and get the fuck
34:30
up because this is my seat. And it says right here, same
34:35
thing on an airplane, not to invoke the airplane again.
34:38
I know this is like a perennial debate.
34:40
Everybody has voted on it. We've all known our stances.
34:43
It's very public. Friendships have broken up over
34:45
it. But people, you know this debate
34:47
about if someone asks you to switch seats on the airplane is
34:51
are are you going to give them your seat?
34:53
No, bitch, OK, this my seat. Get your shit.
34:57
Get your shit, your shit actually, and walk back to your
35:00
seat. Let's see your oh, can I see
35:03
your ticket? That's what I thought. 34D get
35:05
the fuck back there. I'm not sharing I my personal
35:09
take on the question of whether you should switch your your
35:12
airplane seat with someone. If I'm getting a seat of equal
35:17
or greater value, do not ask me to downgrade my seat for you.
35:22
I don't care. Oh my baby has cholera or
35:24
whatever, that's not my issue. That's not my issue.
35:28
I'm so sorry. You should have booked a
35:30
different fucking flight where you could find 2 seats together.
35:33
You didn't. Bye.
35:35
He'll see you. You can you can see your baby
35:39
when we arrive in fucking Guadalupe or whatever.
35:44
Is that a place or a lady? But yeah, I, I, I'd like that we
35:48
can reserve seats. I don't like that they're
35:50
releasing movie tickets months in advance and that we have to
35:54
kind of make that commitment. I don't like that that's too far
35:56
away. That's another season from now.
36:00
And but people are getting into Ticketmaster style wars over
36:05
Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey. I am excited to see it, though.
36:11
I'm excited. I want to read the book
36:13
beforehand and now I know. Now I know I have to read it by
36:16
exact time I want to read. I got the Emily Wilson edition.
36:21
Emily Wilson was she's the first woman, I guess, to have ever
36:26
published a translation of Homer.
36:28
The Odyssey people are not. It's a lot of guys not happy
36:33
about that. They didn't like, I guess they
36:35
don't like that she wrote it in sort of modern English.
36:39
She pared it down and like, changed the sort of like rhyming
36:44
scheme or meter or whatever. And people were sort of pissed.
36:47
They were like, OK, you fucking whore.
36:49
It got misogynistic real fast. It does it.
36:53
It's like, hey, unless this is in ancient Greece, it's not
36:58
going to sound like the original.
37:00
There is no fucking original. Homer wasn't even a real guy.
37:03
Probably they don't even know. They don't even know if he was a
37:06
real guy. Homer the yellow guy from Fox.
37:13
He he has as much chance of writing the Odyssey as the the
37:17
Homer from 3000 years ago. There's a 3000 year old story
37:20
that was told out loud. There is no original that you're
37:25
like Oh my God we have to be loyal to the original.
37:28
Shut the fuck up. The best case scenario is like
37:31
it was maybe a blind guy who like dictated it out loud based
37:36
on stories that he heard. You sound stupid when you're
37:40
talking about this. OK, I know more about this than
37:42
you and I looked into it for 5 minutes.
37:44
This is this shit is not real that there's racists that are
37:48
upset about like oh, they cast like this person in the movie
37:51
instead of this person. It's like these people are fake.
37:54
These are fake people. You know what main character in
37:57
the story is Poseidon, God of the sea.
38:01
That doesn't it's like what we're in the land of make
38:03
believe. OK everybody needs to calm the
38:05
fuck down. The other thing is like they got
38:08
mad at Emily Wilson because she translated it in like modern
38:11
English and it's like rather than other sort of more academic
38:17
sounding translations which use like older, more fancy English.
38:23
And it's like any form of English is not the original
38:28
because the original was in ancient Greek.
38:31
What are you talking about? You sound stupid.
38:34
You sound stupid to be like, oh, this fancy sounding.
38:37
This one sounds like Shakespeare, so it must be
38:39
better. No?
38:40
Do you fucking hear yourself? You're 12.
38:42
That was my one of my favorite tweets.
38:45
I keep invoking Twitter. One of my favourite tweets of
38:48
all time is the prophet who said they came up with the 12 year
38:53
old. They they were like once you
38:55
start realizing that everybody is stupid because they're
38:58
literally just 12 years old, it makes the world so like, of
39:02
course someone thinks that way. They're 12 years old.
39:05
OK, everybody is 12 years old now.
39:07
Every time you hear someone say the stupidest fucking thing
39:10
you've ever heard, it's just like, oh, right.
39:11
Of course they think that way. They're 12 years old.
39:14
Of course you think fancy sounding the Odyssey is smarter.
39:18
You're 12 years old though. We need to canonize the person
39:23
who came up with the 12 year old theory.
39:25
She needs to write a book next. Watching reality television in
39:35
your 30s is one of the most unique Hells that I can fathom
39:39
for a person. There's something about watching
39:42
reality television in your 30s 'cause you're still like, I'm
39:45
still invested in reality TV. I'm watching, I'm watching Love
39:49
Island, US and UK like it's my full time job and I'm committed,
39:54
OK, But the way that they talk about anybody beyond the age of
39:58
29 is like, you might as well be sailing into the West.
40:03
You might as well be the fucking crypt keeper.
40:08
There was a conversation that took place between a 24 year old
40:12
and a 21 year old and he said, oh, you're, you're like a cougar
40:18
to a 24 year old. They had the a bombshell came in
40:23
and he was 21. He walked in.
40:25
I was like, whose child is that? OK, This is some gotcha thing
40:29
that they set up. This is one of these men's sons
40:32
who's walking in to confront the father that they never had.
40:35
Lo and behold, he's a bombshell that walked in.
40:37
It was one of the first times that I really confronted my
40:39
mortality because that 21 year old walked in and I was truly, I
40:43
was like, no, this, this is the first time on a reality show
40:47
that I've been like, this person is too young for me.
40:51
It's too young where I feel creepy even acknowledging that
40:54
they're attractive. I have to like, I have to remove
40:58
myself from the situation. He is a 21 year old elevator
41:01
repairman and the way that they were talking about it like he
41:04
was a cowboy, they were like elevator repair even though TBHI
41:13
would suck an elevator repairman dry if they came into my
41:16
building and fix the elevators because these elevators have
41:18
been broken for several months and I'm pissed the fuck off.
41:22
Someone set fire to their apartment and it set up the
41:25
sprinklers in the building. I don't want to dox myself, but
41:28
I live in a high rise. A fire got set off in an
41:31
apartment. It set off the sprinklers.
41:33
The sprinklers flooded the elevators and it broke the
41:36
fucking elevators for the rest of the building.
41:38
So now for months, the elevators break like every 48 hours.
41:44
We have to take the freight elevator.
41:46
I'm not taking the freight elevator.
41:47
Were they bringing the trash? It's pissing me the fuck off.
41:50
So yeah, we need to get that that child from Love Island to
41:55
come into my building and fix this shit 'cause I'm sick of
41:58
waiting. I go all of my bags, got 50 lbs
42:01
of bags, 50, sixty, 70 lbs of bags sometimes, and I'm having
42:05
to wait 45 minutes for an elevator just because someone
42:07
burned to the fucking thing of popcorn.
42:09
It's making me sick. But anyway, I've been watching
42:12
Love Island, I am obsessed. I'm obsessed.
42:16
Nobody on these shows has a real job.
42:17
Their jobs are like DJ in Miami, waitress in Miami, bottle girl
42:25
in Miami, or my favorite reality TV job, medical sales.
42:33
Miami medical sales representative is I don't know
42:37
what is happening in medical sales, but it's one of the
42:39
biggest sort of like, what do they call it incubator for
42:44
reality TV contestant is medical sales.
42:47
And I guess you have to be kind of like a piece of ass in order
42:50
to sell like an MRI machine to a horny hospital representative.
42:54
I guess you have to be like, you know, kind of showing your tits
42:58
to someone on, on the hospital administration team in order to
43:04
get them to buy ACT scanner. And I sort of love that for
43:08
them. I do love it feels like we're
43:10
making you because Gen. Z got very kind of prudish for a
43:13
while. There was a moment there where
43:15
Gen. Z was like, if I see a single
43:17
tit on television, it's about to go down.
43:21
And I, I kind of love that. We're just like, fuck it, let's
43:25
show beef on Love Island. Let's give Tom Brady some good
43:30
nut. I also love.
43:34
I've been, I've been watching a lot of Real Housewives of Rhode
43:37
Island in a way that is very kind of what is it?
43:40
What's I was going to say? Oh, anthropological to me.
43:45
I'm watching The Real Housewives of Rhode Island like David
43:47
Attenborough watches a wild bird.
43:50
I'm like Alicia from Real Housewives of Rhode Island is
43:53
like a beautiful kind of bird of paradise to me.
43:57
I'm studying her and putting notes down in my little field
44:00
guide. Imagine my surprise as someone
44:03
from the Midwest to turn on The Real Housewives of Rhode Island
44:06
and learn that that's what people from Rhode Island sound
44:09
like. Shocking to me.
44:11
One of the most shocking things I've ever discovered is that
44:13
people from Rhode Island sound like that.
44:16
I hit a woman with my car. I, I, I ran over a woman with my
44:19
car. She said that Alicia from Rhode
44:22
Island, she just said I ran over a woman with my car.
44:27
It was very hot on me. I'm, I'm not a good driver.
44:32
I got to have my crackers. She's obsessed with having
44:34
crackers. She is a woman.
44:37
And they're in this fight because she said that she was
44:39
homeless as a child. And the other woman, Liz, is
44:42
like you. You were never homeless.
44:44
You were never homeless. You had a home, you had a, you
44:47
had a roof over your head. And it's because, like, her dad
44:52
left and they had to move in with their grandma.
44:54
So she was like, yeah, you were never technically homeless.
44:57
Like, you had a roof over your head.
44:59
But Alicia was all pissed off because she was like, you know,
45:01
spiritually, she was homeless. Emotionally, she was homeless.
45:05
And my thing is, like, Liz, you know, your friend is a little
45:08
touched. Like, you know, she's special.
45:11
Just let her have this. I don't understand why you're
45:14
having to, like, nitpick here. You know she talks to dolls and
45:19
she does, she regularly talks to dolls.
45:23
So let's stop acting like, you know, you need to be the
45:26
language police over here. Elizabeth, she's your friend is
45:29
a little special and you need to just let that one go.
45:33
Next. What the heck is Hyrox?
45:39
I would like to know what the fuck Hyrox is.
45:41
I'm seeing a lot of people post about Hyrox in a way that is
45:44
upsetting to me. Hyrox.
45:46
HYROX I'm seeing across my feed. It's a new type of fitness
45:54
thing. I lived through Soul Cycle, I
45:59
lived through berries, I lived through CrossFit.
46:03
I can't do another one. I can't do another It's it's
46:06
high rocks or me. You have to choose.
46:10
And I'm prepared to either die or be killed.
46:15
And those are not the two options.
46:18
Either I die or you kill me. But let me look up.
46:22
Let me look up what Hyrox is. Hyrox is a fast growing global
46:27
fitness competition that combines 8 kilometers of running
46:31
an 8 functional workout stations.
46:34
Why are we doing this? Don't do this to me again.
46:37
It bills itself as the World Series of fitness, racing and a
46:41
sport for everybody. No, it's not.
46:47
No, it's, it's literally not a sport for everybody.
46:49
You know why 'cause I'm not doing it.
46:51
I sure as fuck I'm not doing it. And I know sure it's like you.
46:54
What do you mean it's a sport for everybody?
46:56
And it's a fucking like octathlon. 8 events, 8 workout
47:00
stations. No.
47:03
And you know how I'm seeing it is because we're getting, you
47:06
know, 4K photographs of the people who are partaking in it
47:10
that are crossing my feed. And I'm like, oh isn't it?
47:13
Isn't it interesting how we're getting such a crisp high
47:15
definition images taken by professional photographers?
47:19
Almost as if this was the entire point is that you could be
47:22
photographed doing something fitness wise and that you can
47:25
post it on Instagram for to make me feel bad and I will not be
47:29
ashamed for sitting on my couch instead of doing high rocks.
47:34
Next. This is a term that I sort of
47:36
invented that applies to some situation that I have been in,
47:40
which is called an installation ship, an institution ship.
47:45
Yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like, which is a
47:49
situation ship that takes place almost entirely, if not
47:52
exclusively on Instagram. Yeah, I've, I'm in a number of
47:56
institution ships at the moment. I do think, OK, everybody knows
48:00
what a situation ship is, right? It's like you know someone who
48:04
is you're in a sort of an I'll defined entanglement with
48:09
romantically, sexually, emotionally.
48:12
You're entangled with a person, but you haven't actually said
48:15
what it is. Are you friends with benefits?
48:17
Are you, you know, dating? Are you seeing each other?
48:21
You don't know. It's just a situation.
48:23
It's a situation ship. That's what it is.
48:25
An installation ship is is a situation ship that is taking
48:30
place via Instagram. I feel like it is pretty
48:34
particular to the gay male community, perhaps because of
48:38
close friends. close friends is is the thing that the gays are
48:42
doing where instead it's like, I feel like you'll talk to someone
48:46
on like Grinder or a dating app and then you exchange Instagrams
48:51
and then it moves over to Instagram.
48:52
And then a lot of gay people will just automatically add
48:57
another gay person to their close friends, and then they're
49:00
posting holes, polls and everything in between.
49:06
Gays are using close friends like an advertisement for the
49:12
entrances and the exits. And I'm buying and I'm a
49:18
customer, OK. And but it's like, you could
49:22
very easily fall into this trap where it's like you're sort of
49:25
in a flirty situation with people on, on Instagram where
49:28
you're like liking one another's post.
49:30
You're on your, they're on your close friends, you're on theirs.
49:33
You're doing, you're doing the fire emoji, you're doing, you're
49:36
doing hard eyes emoji. You're doing the one where it's
49:39
like you're doing squirt emoji and but and it's like it might
49:46
even elevate to the point of like we should get a drink or
49:49
something. I did, there was one situation
49:52
where I was like, I thought it was kind of moving to getting a
49:55
drink situation. We were moving out of
49:58
installation ship into real life situation ship and unfortunately
50:04
it didn't really manifest. And it's partly because I was
50:08
like, you end up in these situations no matter what they
50:11
are, because it's like, you know, you are letting them sort
50:16
of string you along rather than just being like, I'm not going
50:19
to engage with this. I'm just like, unless you're
50:22
going to actually show me the effort of wanting to get to know
50:25
me in person, then I need to get, I need to step away.
50:30
I need to recuse myself. But until then, I will not be
50:34
enticed by your your sultry siren song on close friends.
50:42
The Odyssey call back. Next we got a call to the what
50:47
the heck hotline, a voicemail. The what the heck hotline.
50:50
Of course, the number that any of you can call to leave at your
50:53
What the heck of the week four O 7.
50:55
WTH Matt? Let's listen to this week's
51:00
voicemail. I'm very I'm so happy that
51:04
you're back on a podcast together.
51:06
It's so exciting. But my what the heck is protein
51:12
being and everything which I know is not like that hot of a
51:15
take anymore. You know the tides have
51:17
preferred to kind of turn on why the fuck is protein and
51:20
literally everything? But the other day I got an
51:24
Instagram ad for the most despicable thing.
51:28
It was a fucking pen O chocolate with protein.
51:33
Added to it. I was horrified.
51:35
We're talking about the beautiful chocolate flaky,
51:39
buttery French treat. Now they're putting protein in
51:43
that. That is not supposed to be
51:46
something that you eat to hit your macros.
51:48
That is something that you eat to.
51:49
Like. Enjoy life and have a delicious
51:52
pastry. Anyway, I think the company that
51:55
made that should be absolutely shut down and sued by the whole
52:00
country of France. I don't know, horrifying.
52:03
Anyway, protein has gone too far.
52:06
Love you guys. Love you.
52:10
Thank you. Oh, my God, yes.
52:14
The way that I believe this so hard.
52:18
And yeah, I guess that is a little like, everybody, I think
52:21
everybody's on board with like, protein is getting out of
52:24
control. But like, why are we putting it
52:27
in a pan of chocolate? That is the most insane thing
52:29
I've ever heard. The one thing that I'm like,
52:33
more people need to be knowing this is that you're not eating a
52:36
Pano chocolate for your macros. Yes, put that on as a pillow.
52:40
Stitch, cross it. What does it call it?
52:42
Cross stitch. Cross stitch that on a pillow.
52:45
Because I will buy it just to eat the Pano chocolate.
52:49
Eat it. Eat the croissant.
52:50
It doesn't need to be protein. I so agree.
52:53
And the fact that they're doing that with a Pano chocolate of
52:56
all things. Yeah.
52:59
The second the French learn about that we're getting, we're
53:02
getting French Revolution 2 point O.
53:05
They were chopping off heads for far less.
53:08
They retired the guillotine, but they'll bring it back for
53:10
whoever invented the Pano chocolate protein.
53:13
I'm telling you, they chopped off Marie Antoinette because
53:17
they thought she said let them eat cake and you're going to put
53:20
protein in a Pano chocolate. You better watch out.
53:25
Anyway, thank you for calling in.
53:27
And finally, what the heck is going on with CVS Pharmacy?
53:34
This is a dark sided liminal space that I'm convinced exists
53:38
as some type of CIA SIOP to see how far you can push the
53:42
American spirit before it cracks.
53:45
I'm so sick of CVS Pharmacy. They're putting you through some
53:50
of the worst torture that you can, that you can do on a
53:53
person. OK, waterboarding, whatever they
53:56
were doing at Guantanamo and then waiting in line at CVS
54:00
Pharmacy is kind of all the way at the bottom.
54:03
I'm telling you, they're doing stuff at CVS that is, that is
54:05
supposed to break the spirit. And the thing that is really
54:08
pissed me off is a CVS is somehow the only business, the
54:12
pharmacy, where they're just off for lunch every day.
54:15
I don't know every other business in the in America has
54:17
figured out how to stagger lunchtime so that you can keep
54:20
your business open during the time when most people are free
54:24
to go pick up their prescriptions.
54:26
But no CVS pharmacy puts a sign on the wall.
54:28
Every, every establishment of ACVS pharmacy puts a sign on the
54:31
wall. We're we're closed for lunch.
54:33
Oh no shit. And it's because they have one
54:35
real pharmacist and then everybody else is a fucking
54:37
poser behind the counter in their fucking lab coats.
54:41
But I guess it is it's like there's one pharmacist.
54:44
Everybody else is like a junior person who's technically not
54:46
allowed to be unsupervised. So they have to let, Oh, the
54:49
pharmacist goes for lunch and it's like, who cares?
54:53
Just give me the drugs. The thing that really pisses me
54:56
off about CVS is that I, I've really shitty insurance.
55:00
That's on me. OK, that's on me.
55:03
We're going to need a little more people to listen to the
55:05
podcast so that I can afford better insurance.
55:08
But I always use, I end up just paying for my prescriptions out
55:12
of pocket and then I end up using a coupon.
55:15
And sometimes I'll, they'll, they'll be like, OK, the price
55:19
is $100. And I'm like, guess what?
55:22
Uno reverse on you. I got the good RX coupon.
55:25
Actually, it's only going to be $50.
55:27
And then they're like, oh, let me see.
55:28
And then they go boop, boop, boop.
55:30
And then they say, Oh, I actually have another coupon
55:32
here. That's, that's got it down to
55:34
$20.00. I said, oh, isn't that funny?
55:38
Isn't that, isn't that convenient that we just suddenly
55:42
discovered a coupon that you weren't going to tell me about
55:44
unless I brought it up to your ass?
55:46
This is why you don't have a fucking real job.
55:49
This is why the real pharmacist gets the coat, because you
55:52
thought you would keep your your fucking mouth shut and keep that
55:55
coupon away from me. How dare you.
55:58
This is why. How about you show some fucking
56:00
class solidarity and give me that fucking coupon?
56:04
Like makes me sick to my stomach what they're doing.
56:07
Why are you? Why are you keeping that
56:09
information from me? You tell me you have a database
56:11
of coupons up in there that you could just be applying to all my
56:13
shit and telling me the cheapest possible price.
56:15
And then it has a little sign that says ask, ask for the
56:18
retail price of this drug. Why don't you just sell me the
56:20
cheapest price? What are you?
56:22
You don't work you, you're not CVS corporate.
56:26
Why do why does this person care about how much they're charging
56:29
me for a prescription? Sell it to me for the cheapest
56:32
possible price. This is like this is this is
56:37
what the fucking French were cutting people's heads off for.
56:43
1st it's going to be because of the, the, the, the protein Pano
56:48
chocolate. And then it's because you're not
56:50
giving me the coupon on the on my antidepressants.
56:54
Do not fuck with me CVS. Give me the fucking coupon and
56:58
stop keeping it. Why are you gatekeeping coupons?
57:02
I'm I'm telling you for real the first time that they were like,
57:04
oh, I actually have a coupon here but they weren't going to
57:07
tell me about until I brought up my coupon.
57:10
That's diabolical stuff. How dare you.
57:15
CVS stands for Cum Vagina, shit box.
57:27
Moving on to my what the hey for the week, let's wrap this up.
57:30
My what the hey is, of course, the opposite of my What the
57:33
heck? It is the thing that's making me
57:35
happy, bringing me joy. And this week I want to give a
57:37
shout out of what the hey to Mr. Ben Cohen.
57:42
I think his last name is of. Yeah, Ben and Jerry, Ben and
57:46
Jerry's comrades. I stand with you, Ben.
57:52
They're OK. Ben and Jerry's ice cream
57:55
company, I guess they're in sort of some type of battle with this
57:59
like conglomerate of this ice cream conglomerate that's trying
58:02
to like acquire them or has acquired them and now they're
58:05
trying to fight it. And Ben of Ben and Jerry's
58:11
posted a TikTok that I can link to where he he basically in a
58:14
very funny, kind of fun video using puppets, which we of
58:18
course love on what the heck to describe like the situation in
58:22
the rain, how this sort of company came in and and took
58:25
them over and is asking for support to like help push back
58:29
and put pressure on. I guess it's putting pressure on
58:33
like the government to be like, don't approve this merger.
58:37
And Ben and Jerry's, they're doing the work, OK.
58:40
They're actually like, I love to support a place that's like
58:43
actually good ice cream. That's important.
58:48
If they were, if the ice cream was not good, I wouldn't give a
58:50
shit. But if because it's good ice
58:51
cream, I'm saying, yes, I'm going to show up for the chunky
58:54
monkey. I'm going to show up and get the
58:57
swirl. But they're, you know, they're
59:00
putting in the work they're do. They're always supporting
59:03
progressive causes. And we love that.
59:06
We'd I don't love that. You know, these mega
59:09
corporations come in and then they like all of these places
59:11
lose. They're like spirit.
59:14
Remember that Beyoncé song from The Lion King movie Spirit.
59:19
OK, it's getting late. I've had my pina colada.
59:23
I smoked a little bit, ate a burrito.
59:25
The point is, shout out to Benjamin.
59:27
Shout out to Ben and Jerry's. We stand with you, comrades.
59:31
And that's it for this week's. What the heck?
59:34
Make sure you like subscribe, listen, watch.
59:37
Leave us a review. Leave us a comment only if it's
59:40
nice. I don't want to hear your shit.
59:43
And I'll see you next week. Bye.
59:48
This has been an episode of What the Heck with Matt Bellicide.
59:51
You can call and leave us a voicemail about what's making
59:54
you say what the heck this week and you might be featured on a
59:56
future episode. Call us at 407-984-6288.
1:00:01
That's four O 7 WTH Matt. What the heck with Matt?
1:00:04
Bellicide is produced by Same Boat Studios and Bellisai
1:00:07
Productions. It's hosted by me, Matt
1:00:09
Bellisai. Our executive producers are
1:00:11
Gabriel Lewis, Barry Finkel and me, Matt Bellisai.
1:00:14
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1:00:16
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1:00:18
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1:00:21
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