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188. The Trust Factor: Building from Within · Your Enriched Self

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  Speaker 1: Hello, my friends from all across the globe, and welcome
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  Speaker 1: to the Your in rich Self Podcast. I am your
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hostmi le Noir. I am an emotional wellness and empowerment coach.
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  Speaker 1: What does that mean. That means that I am here
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  Speaker 1: to help you navigate the things that you need to
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  Speaker 1: do to become more of your enrich self. And it
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  Speaker 1: all starts with your mind. I know when we look
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  Speaker 1: at ourselves and when we focus on what we need
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  Speaker 1: to work on, we tend to look externally. As an
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  Speaker 1: emotional wellness and empowerment coach, I want to empower you
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  Speaker 1: from the inside out, and that's going to start with
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  Speaker 1: your thoughts. I've said it before. You are the common
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  Speaker 1: denominator to everything that is happening in and around your life.
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  Speaker 1: And if you're looking for change, if you want to
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  Speaker 1: elevate and go to the next level to become more enriched,
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  Speaker 1: it's going to start with you doing some work. And
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  Speaker 1: so that's what we get to do each and every
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  Speaker 1: week here on the podcast. I help you walk it out,
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  Speaker 1: talk it out, think it through, because where in your
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  Speaker 1: life have you spent enough time thinking? We live in
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  Speaker 1: a world of doing, being doers and grinders and getting
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  Speaker 1: things done. On this podcast, I want to help you
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  Speaker 1: think through the process, spend time in your thoughts. It's
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  Speaker 1: okay to get lost in your thoughts and come back
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  Speaker 1: to center and do the work. And so that's what
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  Speaker 1: we do here on this podcast, and I'm excited to
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  Speaker 1: do it each and every week. We are officially on
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  Speaker 1: episode one hundred and eighty seven, and I'm thrilled for
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  Speaker 1: each person who has tuned in to this platform to
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  Speaker 1: listen to this podcast. If you are new to this podcast,
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  Speaker 1: I know that you are brought here on purpose, for
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  Speaker 1: a purpose, and I know that you are going to
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  Speaker 1: get value you from this podcast. This is not just
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  Speaker 1: about information, but it's also to get you inspired to
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  Speaker 1: get things done and execute the things that you must
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  Speaker 1: in your life. Now, before we get started, one of
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  Speaker 1: the things that I love to do is make a
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  Speaker 1: deposit into the bank of you, and I do that
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  Speaker 1: by way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way to
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  Speaker 1: start your day and to command your mourning. And this
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  Speaker 1: week's affirmation is I release worry and choose to trust.
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  Speaker 1: I release worry and choose to trust. I release worry
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  Speaker 1: and choose to trust. Now, let's get ready for this
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  Speaker 1: week's episode of the Your Enriched Self podcast, I decided
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  Speaker 1: I wanted to start a series on trust. I think
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  Speaker 1: there's an opportunity to explore this and really sit in
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  Speaker 1: trust for ourselves, self trust, trusting outside of ourselves, people, partners, opportunities,
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  Speaker 1: Trusting in the next step of your life, trusting the process.
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  Speaker 1: Trust is in and around and among all of the
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  Speaker 1: parts of our life. And I think it's important to
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  Speaker 1: have this conversation to really do some deep work on
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  Speaker 1: first of all, your self trust. Do you trust yourself?
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  Speaker 1: What does it mean to trust yourself? What does it
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  Speaker 1: mean to trust that you are going to do what
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  Speaker 1: you say you're going to do. And this is especially
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  Speaker 1: difficult when you have had a bad relationship trusting yourself.
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  Speaker 1: And I notice it's gonna sound strange because again, every
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  Speaker 1: time we have these conversations, we talk about how someone
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  Speaker 1: betrayed our trust and how someone took advantage of a
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  Speaker 1: relationship where you know, naturally trusted is involved. But I
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  Speaker 1: want you again to do the work to understand where
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  Speaker 1: you have dissolved some of your own self trust, how
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  Speaker 1: you have abandoned some of the trust that you have
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  Speaker 1: for yourself, how you have neglected trusting yourself, and you
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  Speaker 1: just have thrown no caution to the wind about how
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  Speaker 1: you treat that relationship with yourself. It's really easy to
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  Speaker 1: explore the damage and the destruction and the disdain that
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  Speaker 1: we have for the relationships that others have been involved
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  Speaker 1: in when it comes to trust or lack thereof. But
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  Speaker 1: I want to spend time today with you thinking about
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  Speaker 1: your self trust journey and why it's important for you
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  Speaker 1: to get on that journey and understand what it takes
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  Speaker 1: to strengthen the belief in yourself. How do you begin
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  Speaker 1: to strengthen belief in yourself? And again, this is so
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  Speaker 1: critical because some of us, many of us struggle with
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  Speaker 1: believing in ourselves. That's really the root of the matter.
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  Speaker 1: And yes, some of that does have external factors. It
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  Speaker 1: could have been something someone said you were capable of,
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  Speaker 1: or maybe they declared that you were incapable of it
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  Speaker 1: and you heard that. Right Again, I've said this before.
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  Speaker 1: Your beliefs, your belief and beliefs and the systems of
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  Speaker 1: belief that you have were built over a course of time. Right.
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  Speaker 1: You didn't wake up believing a thing over a course
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  Speaker 1: of conversations, a course of reading, and listening and going
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  Speaker 1: through all all these different mediums, you learned and you
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  Speaker 1: started to build a system of belief around a thing.
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  Speaker 1: And for some of you, you believe less of yourself
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  Speaker 1: because you haven't seen yourself do what you call great, big,
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  Speaker 1: grand things, the things that, as I say all the time,
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  Speaker 1: culture celebrates the things that require you to walk home
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  Speaker 1: with the largest trophy, or to have the social media
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  Speaker 1: posts that's getting all the hits and all the likes.
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  Speaker 1: Those things, oftentimes are the external things that help to
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  Speaker 1: validate you believing in yourself. Because everybody liked your photo,
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  Speaker 1: or your photo went viral, or your video and viral,
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  Speaker 1: you think about it. As many times as that has
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  Speaker 1: happened to others, the people, and maybe even to you,
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  Speaker 1: you still come back to an empty vessel. You come
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  Speaker 1: back to a bankruptcy of self belief. And today I
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  Speaker 1: want to help you fill up that bank, to make
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  Speaker 1: deposits into the bank of you. And I say that
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  Speaker 1: each and every week with affirmations, and those affirmations help
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  Speaker 1: you build the trust that you need for yourself. And ultimately,
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  Speaker 1: I believe this, and I remember hearing this or having
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  Speaker 1: this shared with me years ago as a young person.
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  Speaker 1: Growing up, I remember hearing this and it's stuck with me.
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  Speaker 1: I think I must have been a young teen at
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  Speaker 1: the time, and I remember hearing that you can't love anyone,
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  Speaker 1: truly love someone, unless you love yourself. And I don't
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  Speaker 1: know how many of you believe that, but I remember
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  Speaker 1: when I heard that, it really just sat in me,
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  Speaker 1: and I feel like it just became part of my
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  Speaker 1: DNA because I really believe in that. And I think
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  Speaker 1: over time and through my being in relationships, whether there
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  Speaker 1: were romantic relationships or my siblings or parents, I learned
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  Speaker 1: the importance of loving myself through those relationships, and so
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  Speaker 1: that saying for me played itself true that in order
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  Speaker 1: to love another person, I have to develop self love
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  Speaker 1: for myself. That's first and foremost I want to apply
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  Speaker 1: and believe I believe. Let me say the same principle
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  Speaker 1: with trust, and that's why I want to kind of
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  Speaker 1: build us into this conversation about trust that far extends
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  Speaker 1: our realm, where we live, how we do things, because
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  Speaker 1: there's so much more happening in our lives. And so
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  Speaker 1: I say all of that to say, I believe in
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  Speaker 1: order for you to truly trust someone, you have to
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  Speaker 1: have trust for yourself. You have to believe to a
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  Speaker 1: certain degree about your capabilities, your abilities can do the
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  Speaker 1: things you can do. You have to have a level
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  Speaker 1: of belief in yourself because even if you go out
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  Speaker 1: into the world and you're like, I trust that person
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  Speaker 1: in the back of your mind, you don't because you
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  Speaker 1: have self doubt. You don't have trust in yourself. And
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  Speaker 1: it's like I said, it has to start with you.
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  Speaker 1: It is a very powerful thing to be able to
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  Speaker 1: handle your life and trust the choices that you are
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  Speaker 1: making in your life. Now, here's the thing about trusting
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  Speaker 1: the choices. Sometimes those choices aren't perfect, but such as life,
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  Speaker 1: life is full of imperfections, you have to trust the
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  Speaker 1: choices and the things that you're doing. It doesn't necessarily
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  Speaker 1: always mean that what you do will be the right
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  Speaker 1: outcome or the best outcome, but you have to walk
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  Speaker 1: into it trusting yourself. And that's how you build that
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  Speaker 1: stronger sense of trust in yourself and in your life,
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  Speaker 1: is by going in with the mentality that I can
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  Speaker 1: trust this knowing that it's not going to be perfect.
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  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times, because when we
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  Speaker 1: execute it's not perfect, we stop trusting ourselves, and so
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  Speaker 1: then you find it hard to trust other individuals. Let
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  Speaker 1: me give you an example of what I mean by
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  Speaker 1: trusting yourself and getting in relationship with yourself. I remember
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  Speaker 1: a time ago when I wanted to join a gym,
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  Speaker 1: and I told myself, do not invest in a membership
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  Speaker 1: until you can prove to yourself that you will work
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  Speaker 1: out over a period of time. So basically I was
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  Speaker 1: doing kind of a self test and a self trust
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  Speaker 1: exercise and say, can I trust me to invest in
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  Speaker 1: a process, in a project in myself essentially and know
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  Speaker 1: that the investment is paying off? Meaning if I pay
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  Speaker 1: for a gym membership, am I actually going to go?
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  Speaker 1: Because if I'm not gonna go, I'm not gonna pay
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  Speaker 1: for the membership and waste my money. And what I did,
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  Speaker 1: essentially was I started working out without a gym membership.
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  Speaker 1: I decided that it made more sense because of the
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  Speaker 1: contract that I was putting myself through is that I
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  Speaker 1: would work out at home. I would take walks or
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  Speaker 1: use the resources in my home, the workout equipment that
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  Speaker 1: I do have, and utilize that to work out at home.
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  Speaker 1: That was step A. You have things that you can use,
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  Speaker 1: you have resources around you that you can use. Step
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  Speaker 1: B is now I have to develop a consistent pattern
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  Speaker 1: for executing or doing these exercises and develop a cadence.
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  Speaker 1: How often am I going to be doing it? Am
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  Speaker 1: I doing it every day? Am I doing it every
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  Speaker 1: other day? But I need to establish a consistent pattern
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  Speaker 1: for me to execute and get this done. I gave
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  Speaker 1: myself a time limit to go into it. I said,
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna give myself a month. Let's see what happens
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  Speaker 1: in a month. How many times am I actually doing
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  Speaker 1: what I said I would do? Based on that, now
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  Speaker 1: I can take my relationship with myself, which is now
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  Speaker 1: spending money right, investing in myself financially, to this gym
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  Speaker 1: membership Because now I know the dividends are gonna pay off.
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be exposed to more equipment, I'm more than
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  Speaker 1: likely gonna go more often. I'm gonna get the benefits
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  Speaker 1: of being at the gym, and I'm going to start
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  Speaker 1: seeing the health benefits and the fitness benefits that I
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  Speaker 1: want to get. But it started with that small decision,
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  Speaker 1: And that's what I mean by it's a building effect, right,
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  Speaker 1: Because now I have belief in my ability, I have
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  Speaker 1: created a journey that I can believe in. I'm confident
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  Speaker 1: in the journey. I am also confident in my decisions.
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  Speaker 1: I walked out of that month trusting my choices right,
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  Speaker 1: knowing that I am a source for the wisdom for myself,
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  Speaker 1: and having complete faith in my potential. And it all
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  Speaker 1: started with me deciding that this is something I wanted
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  Speaker 1: to do. And essentially what these things were were affirmations
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  Speaker 1: on how I would trust myself. It didn't start off
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  Speaker 1: that way. Started off with a choice, and then I
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  Speaker 1: continue to affirm that choice by showing up for myself
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  Speaker 1: where I said I would. And I think that's important.
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  Speaker 1: It's important to do that over and over again. It's
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  Speaker 1: gonna build your inner strength, it's going to create a
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  Speaker 1: level of reliability for yourself, and it's gonna build your security.
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  Speaker 1: You're gonna have security in your self worth. Right, This
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  Speaker 1: is building your worthiness. You're worthy enough to make a
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  Speaker 1: choice and make an investment in yourself that's gonna come
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  Speaker 1: up later on in your life. In order to trust
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  Speaker 1: the process of your life, whether you're trusting yourself or others,
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  Speaker 1: there must be three key pillars. The first thing is
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  Speaker 1: to be honest and in my example, I was honest
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  Speaker 1: with myself, and I knew that I would need to
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  Speaker 1: create a system that would help me stay true to myself. Right.
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  Speaker 1: I knew that I would have to start small, start
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  Speaker 1: at home, start with what I had, and then build
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  Speaker 1: from there. I didn't go out and say, you know what,
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  Speaker 1: let me get this gym membership. I'm gonna make myself go.
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  Speaker 1: I had to get honest with myself, truthful with myself,
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  Speaker 1: and know what I was capable of. Sometimes we try
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  Speaker 1: to go from zero to sixty and we push ourselves
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  Speaker 1: into space we're not prepared to occupy. And I'm not
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  Speaker 1: saying it's not good to push yourself and do hard things. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: But what I'm looking for, and what trust is built on,
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  Speaker 1: is a series of pillars. One is honesty. Two is reliability.
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  Speaker 1: The more you become dependable, right, you are going to
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  Speaker 1: be able to trust yourself when life presents twists and turns.
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  Speaker 1: Because what happens when we decide to take on a
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  Speaker 1: task and we haven't built the trust yet, and part
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  Speaker 1: of that trust, pillar two is reliability. We get sidetracked,
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  Speaker 1: We get tossed like the waves. When life presents the
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  Speaker 1: twists and turns, and what I want for you to
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  Speaker 1: do is create a sense of dependability on yourself so
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  Speaker 1: that when the twists and when turns come, you can
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  Speaker 1: still trust that you're on the right path. You can
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  Speaker 1: still trust the decisions and the choices that you have
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  Speaker 1: to make. You can still know that your path is
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  Speaker 1: unique to you. You don't have to worry about what's
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  Speaker 1: happening on the other side. The grass is greener on
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  Speaker 1: the other side. Well, what's your color supposed to be? Right?
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  Speaker 1: So it's important to think about that as you are
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  Speaker 1: building your trust pillar. So we talked about honesty, truthful sincerity, reliability,
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  Speaker 1: to be dependable, to become dependable on yourself right so
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  Speaker 1: that you can manage yourself and trust yourself in the
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  Speaker 1: moments where life presents twists and turns. And then finally, transparency.
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  Speaker 1: There's something very beautiful about your authenticity, your transparency, your
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  Speaker 1: willingness to go with what you have. Be accessible in
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  Speaker 1: that season of transparency for yourself. Know what you need
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  Speaker 1: open your heart, which is difficult to do right when
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  Speaker 1: you are building your trust and building this journey of trust.
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  Speaker 1: You have to be willing to open your heart and
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  Speaker 1: know that this trusting is going to enrich your life,
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  Speaker 1: you need to feel safe about yourself, that your choices
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  Speaker 1: are safe, that you can support the choices you make,
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  Speaker 1: Like I said, even when they're not the best. And
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  Speaker 1: I say best because that's relative to the person. That
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  Speaker 1: may be the best choice for her, but it's not
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  Speaker 1: for me. So we cannot measure ourselves based on someone else.
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  Speaker 1: We have to measure ourselves based on who we are
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  Speaker 1: as individuals and trust that. Trusting that will enrich your life.
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  Speaker 1: It will enrich the fabric of your life. I want
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  Speaker 1: to make sure that you are connecting with this. I
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  Speaker 1: want you to embrace trust as a foundation of love.
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  Speaker 1: Trust as a foundation of love kind of goes back
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  Speaker 1: to what I said, right, You can't love another until
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  Speaker 1: you love yourself. You can't trust another until you trust yourself.
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  Speaker 1: And as you embrace trust, it becomes a foundation of love.
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  Speaker 1: So the two go together. As you start to trust
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  Speaker 1: yourself and believe in yourself, that self love is growing,
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  Speaker 1: that belief in your honesty, in your ability to be
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  Speaker 1: truthful even when it hurts, even when it doesn't look
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  Speaker 1: like everybody else's version, it's yours. So I want you
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  Speaker 1: to be intentional this week about trusting yourself. It can
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  Speaker 1: be tricky. There will be moments of doubt that you
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  Speaker 1: will encounter moments. I'm not saying days, I'm saying moments.
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  Speaker 1: This can happen from moment to moment we are making
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  Speaker 1: I can't remember the statistics decisions every day, sometimes moment
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  Speaker 1: by moment. They are split decisions that we have to make.
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  Speaker 1: And you have to be willing to be transparent enough
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  Speaker 1: to say, this is not a decision I'm gonna make
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  Speaker 1: and I know exactly why I'm not gonna make it,
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  Speaker 1: And be honest enough with yourself and trust the decisions
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  Speaker 1: that you make even when they're not what everybody else expects.
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  Speaker 1: So that's your work this week. I want you to
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  Speaker 1: walk away from these series of conversations about trust, more
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  Speaker 1: power in your trust, walk with yourself. I want you
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  Speaker 1: to walk away feeling more secure and open to your
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  Speaker 1: world and the world around you. Now I'm not saying
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  Speaker 1: trust everybody. I'm saying start with trusting yourself, because as
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  Speaker 1: you trust yourself, you're gonna trust your inner thoughts more
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  Speaker 1: and that inner tussle that you have, that contention that
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  Speaker 1: you have where you don't trust the next decision you've
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  Speaker 1: gotta make and you're spinning around and around, and you're
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  Speaker 1: wasting time and you're wasting resources because you can't make
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  Speaker 1: a decision because you don't trust yourself, and you're going
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  Speaker 1: back in circles and you're back to where you started.
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  Speaker 1: We don't want that. We want to get to a
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  Speaker 1: place where you can trust and feel confident and secure
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  Speaker 1: in your decision. We're gonna pick this conversation up. I
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  Speaker 1: want to take it to the next level of trust,
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  Speaker 1: the trust outside of ourselves. But this week your work
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  Speaker 1: not to worry about handling the challenges and relying on others.
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  Speaker 1: I want you to start with trusting yourself to make
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  Speaker 1: the right choices.