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Keeping Sex Alive When Life Gets in the Way · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 26, 2026 Keeping Sex Alive When Life Gets
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  in the Way There are numerous applications of under-the-circumstances changes
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  we should apply in our sex lives.
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  How do you and your spouse see sex? If it's just a way to deal with your physical
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  sex drives, you're missing out.
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  Sex should be a powerful, intimate way of connecting.
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  Ideally, you both see it as one of the important ways you keep your marriage close and loving.
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  If that's how you see it, then being ready to protect it and keep it going is
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  important If you haven't discussed how you see sex, I suggest you do so,
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  Several times this week, I talked about doing something in a small way to keep
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  it alive as something you do as a couple This makes it easier to get back to
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  how it was when the circumstance preventing it has passed,
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  The same is true for sex, and perhaps it's even more important,
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  We've dealt with couples who could not have sex for a time who found it difficult
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  to start back up when they could Even though both wanted to,
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  Beyond the mental, use it or lose it is a reality for sexual function Especially as we get older,
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  A couple of studies have suggested that women who have less sex go through menopause
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  earlier And a lack of sex can cause thinning of the tissues of the vulva and atrophy of the vagina,
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  For men, erections keep the penis healthy And fewer erections can result in
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  less firm erections or full-on ED,
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  For both men and women, getting out of the habit of sex can be the end of sex.
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  An important issue is how we define sex. It's not just intercourse,
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  and it need not include either spouse having an orgasm for it to be sex.
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  Just as with other things, it's important to keep sex alive in some way when
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  you can't do what you both want to do.
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  That means doing something together rather than one spouse masturbating in private.
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  One easy thing to do is to fondle each other. Touch breasts and genitals in
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  a loving way. Enjoy touching your spouse and enjoy being touched.
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  A few minutes of that before going to sleep or upon waking up in the morning
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  is being sexual and it keeps you in the habit.
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  Of course, you can take it further if either of you gets aroused.
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  Do it for your spouse, help them do it, or hug them while they do it.
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  Intercourse is not just another sex act. Science has shown our bodies react
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  differently to intercourse than to other forms of sex.
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  I think this is also true mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.
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  Intercourse is the ultimate act of two becoming one and it's important to engage
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  in it in some form when you can.
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  Some form might, on occasions mean him and her with little or no movement and no orgasms.
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  In addition to what it will do for both spouses in non-physical ways,
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  it can help their bodies stay functional.
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  Aside from one of you not being able to have sex, keeping sex alive is also
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  important when you're too busy to have the kind of frequency or sex you want to have.
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  It's both tempting and easy to take care of yourselves as needed,
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  but this makes sex all about you, and that's not a good habit to form.
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  Quickies, handjobs, and masturbating
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  together are all better options because each is a couple sex act.
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  I know couples who set a time limit on how long they will go without sex.
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  When they hit that limit, they have sex, even if neither of them feels like it.
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  And yes, that can happen. They do it because they know it's important for their
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  marriage and because they want to remain sexual for the rest of their marriage.
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  This goes back to how we see sex. Do you see sex as a bonus or an important
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  lifelong part of your marriage?
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  This is Paul, and the Longview helps us do sex well.