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3. How I Went From Body Shaming to Body Positivity · Energy With Alex

• Alex Williams: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Energy with Alex podcast. I'm Alex, your host, and this is your space to romanticize your life so that you can drop into the present moment and find magic in every single day. This is also a place you can always come to for honest truths and deep conversations and a lot of fun too. I am so excited to have you here. Let's get started. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Energy with Alex podcast. So I had like five episodes already outlined, ready to go, but when I sat down to record just now, I honestly felt this pull towards something else entirely, something that kind of came up for me this week. I just am feeling called to talk about that instead, I honestly don't talk about it too often online, but it's just kind of something that is really relevant to me right now. And I feel like there are people that are really going to connect with this. So this is around the topic of self-love, but specifically with your body. This especially applies to anyone who's going through a phase in life right now where their body looks different than it has before. for me personally, I'm 31 and I really do feel like my late 20s, early 30s, my body has definitely changed from how it looked earlier. this could also be somebody who maybe you're going through postpartum and your body is Different before, maybe you are pregnant right now, and your body is starting to go through changes. Maybe you are going through a tough time, or you had something, some struggle that has happened in your life, or a time of illness, and you're seeing yourself through the other side, but your body looks different, right? Our bodies are constantly changing. And I don't think it's talked about enough what happens when you do look in the mirror and you think, my gosh, my body actually does not look anything like it did last year, two years ago, five years ago. And the reason I want to touch on that is because I have felt haunted by the clothes in my closet for the last gosh, five years maybe. And that is like such a silent struggle that I feel like a lot of people go through where I would walk into my closet and I would go to find something to put on, especially pants like jeans, jean shorts, really like anything in the waist area. And I would put it on and it either didn't fit at all or it fit but it was really uncomfortable. so I stopped putting those on completely and I kind of like was just wearing summer dresses and loose fitting things but then there was still that corner in my closet of all these clothes like haunting is really the best word I can say to describe how I felt. It was like these clothes were just staring at me almost like taunting me And making me feel really bad about myself. And I'm really sad about that. That I spent so much time walking into my own closet. Like this is my own personal space where I go in and I'm supposed to be picking out an outfit that brings me joy, that makes me feel good to go out into the world and present myself. And I would go in there and instead I would just feel crappy about myself. And I would try to put these clothes on, I would either feel like uncomfortable because it just didn't fit quite right, or I would just be really discouraged that it didn't fit, and I would be like, well, it fit last year, and then I would have these hopes that maybe I'd be able to fit into it again soon. Like let's talk a little bit about my story with body confidence and just my relationship with my body. So when I was younger, like middle school, high school, I was always super skinny. I didn't really have to think too much about what I ate or how much I moved my body. And it wasn't really something I thought about too much, honestly. And then It wasn't until my mid-20s when I moved away out of the country. when I was living in New Zealand at the time, I really fell into a lot of partying, a lot of heavy drinking, and just not taking care of myself the way that I should have been. I kind of let chaos run the show. And it started to make a difference on the physical like the outward physical appearance. And I gained a lot of weight. I guess it was like that moment, maybe if your body has always looked a certain way your whole life and then something changes, it's kind of like wow, I didn't actually know that that could happen and so I gained weight and that was okay honestly. I I felt fine but I came home and a lot of people were commenting on it some family, family friends, just people that I know would be like, wow, you gained a lot of weight while you were there. And that really first of all, I don't understand why people think it's okay to comment on other people's bodies. I really don't think anyone has the right to speak to you about your body. I mean, this even goes if you see somebody and you want to be like, my gosh, you look so skinny, you've lost so much weight. You don't know what journey that they're on. That might be a compliment to you because maybe that's something you're striving for. But I have friends who are actually self-conscious because they can't put on weight. And so for them to go out and immediately somebody talks about how skinny they look or how much weight they've lost, that might not be a compliment to them. that actually might do more damage than good. Or maybe they're going through a really hard time and they're not taking care of themselves. So if they go out and then they hear, you look so great, you've lost so much weight, that's just not the right message to give somebody. just because they've lost weight, they look the best that they've ever looked. That's just simply not true. And it's actually a very hurtful thing to do. Same goes with if you see someone and you feel like they've put on weight. Why are you commenting on that? Why are you commenting about somebody's body at all? Even if you mean it as a compliment. Honestly, I think that this is a wonderful practice that I had to learn surrounding boundaries. I had to start telling people, please don't comment on my body. Please don't tell me that I've gained weight. Don't tell me really anything about it. I don't want to hear about it. Like I have my own personal journey of how I want my body to look and that has nothing to do with you. And I think that that's okay. Honestly, it's okay to be a little bit rude to the people that think that that's okay. Because I think we need to restructure the way that compliments are given to if you see someone and you do think that they look really good, you can say things like My gosh, you're glowing. Your skin looks so good. Your smile is so beautiful. Your energy is amazing. Like those are compliments that really are lasting. You know, even like, my gosh, you're having a great hair day. Those are the kind of things that I think you can comment about. But I just think weight is such a personal journey that we're all on, and we all have so many stories and identities that are attached to it. And so I don't think that. That is ever an okay thing to talk to somebody about unless it's a very clear sign, they are trying to talk about it with you, and you have this open invitation, and you guys are having like a deeper conversation about that specifically. That was a little tangent, but people were commenting on my body. I was starting to feel self-conscious, and I think because I was in my early 20s, I was able to just kind of go back to how it looked before and everything you know went back to I say normal in quotations but just felt like to my own normal body that I was used to I was able to get back to that. But I did start to notice as I got older there were fluctuations and all of that. Now as I got older and I would say like late 20s maybe 28, 29 and 30. 30, I did start to notice that I was gaining weight and not losing it as easily. And gosh, I mean, it's just so sad the pressures that we put on ourselves as women that those are the things that we look at first in the mirror and judge that that's how. like much worth that we have in that moment. Not saying that everybody does this, but if you have ever struggled with this, maybe that's how you felt. I know that I would look at myself in the mirror and I didn't quite recognize the body that I had before. And that was just like a weird identity disconnect that would happen. I guess the first thing that I just want to bring up is that that's totally normal. If you are looking at yourself and you're thinking, wow, things look different. I feel different. That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. And it also doesn't have to be something that you deal with alone. I think people don't want to talk about it. And it's like an isolating experience that I know that I went through and then I had all of these clothes that all of a sudden weren't fitting anymore, these jeans that I had had for years, these shorts that I'd had for years. And they weren't button buttoning the same way, or they they didn't fit at all. And that was when I started to have some negative self talk surrounding that experience. So I would put something on and I would just kind of look at myself and I would grab my stomach or it just kind of compare or I would see photos of myself and be like, wow, I wish I looked like that still. And this is why it's so important to be present with your thoughts and present with what is going on inward. Because when you do continually look at yourself or a thought is continually coming in of like even other things that people say like, I'm such an idiot or I'm so stupid or my gosh, why did I do that? I hate myself or I I put on so much weight, or my stomach is so this or that, or I have all of this. when those thoughts start to happen, and they will happen because we are human and that's just how we have been socialized and programmed to think. And when those thoughts do pop into our mind, we have such a beautiful opportunity to rewire them, to be there with those thoughts and then let them float away or to restructure those thoughts. and it's a missed opportunity every single time those thoughts come through and we don't actually take a second to be with that thought because that's how patterns begin. So when a thought comes forward and we're not being present with what is actually flowing through us, then all of a sudden we've created these stories. That's how stories get created. So when I was looking at myself and thinking, I'm so Ugly, or I hate my stomach now, or I just hate the way that I look, And it caused this programming to happen where I would look in the mirror and I would say something negative about myself. And it wasn't until I really got deeper into my practice of turning inward and really examining. what was going on in the present moment that I started to realize wow, these are really hurtful things that I'm saying about myself, and that's not okay. And so I had to start working on restructuring that. I do a lot of breath work and Reiki every morning. And I really do focus a lot on my heart and just my energy in general. But I really had to take a minute to send some of these tools into these thought processes that I was having. So I would sit with myself and I would feel into whatever is coming up. And I would be with those thoughts and I would send love to them, They need attention when things like this are happening. or else they're just gonna fly free and they're just gonna take root and become a belief system. And I don't want these beliefs to be embedded in me. I don't want to think this way. I don't want to look at myself and think negatively. so I had to start turning these things around. instead of looking at myself and being like, I want to be skinny. I want to have a flat stomach. It's like, is that really what I want? When I really got present with it, I'm like, is that really all that I want? No, I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to be strong. And then I had to do some deep journaling practices and some meditation around this because when I got even deeper into the wants, I realized that the things that I wanted before, like to be super skinny, I don't actually want that anymore. I live a very healthy lifestyle. I run three to four times a week. I Do a couple days of strength training. I eat healthy. I meditate every day. And I do really, I believe, live like an 80-20 lifestyle. And I love my life. Like I really love my day-to-day life. It's beautiful. And so why am I hating on a body that is a result of a lifestyle I love? Honestly. I want to feel strong. I already do feel strong. I'm training for a 10K when before I hadn't ran since high school. it's crazy realizing what my body can do. I feel like week after week I am able to do heavier weights. And I don't know. It's just such a strange concept that we think we want something. Like I want to lose X amount of weight. And sometimes I feel like putting too much specificity on a goal like that can actually be hurtful. and I think it's great to kind of take a step back and look at the full picture and realize what is it that I actually want? I might think that I want to lose fifteen pounds because I am trying to get back to how I looked when I was 22 years old. Well, guess what? When I was 22 years old, I was partying every day. I was going to crazy raves and just not treating my body the way that it should be treated. And now I am nourishing myself at 31 years old with wonderful supplements and whole foods. And I'm really figuring out the foods that make me feel good and the workouts that make me feel good. So why am I putting pressure on something that is probably not what I actually want? So, after doing this inward work, I then started to realize that that little corner of my closet that was haunting me, it was time to do something about it. Because I am so present with those thoughts and I really was working hard on knowing when the when they pop up. So, for example, if I'm gonna try on an outfit and I look in the mirror, I knew that that was an opportunity for my mind to Play a little trick on me and send a negative thought down. And I was able to kind of rewire that. But I realized I was still getting the thoughts when I walked into my closet and I saw my jeans over there hanging up. So I decided that it was time to do something about that, I had been talking about it for so long. I'd been complaining about it for so long. At some point, you gotta take some accountability instead of playing the victim and actually do something about it. So that's what I decided to do. So I went the other day and I went gene shopping for the first time in like five years, I did some deep breathing beforehand because I'm like, okay, I might try on a few things because I might think I'm a certain size and I might actually be two sizes bigger. And that's okay. So just like knowing ahead of time the things that could cause a negative thought process to come through. So I would I kind of prepped for that beforehand. And I had a support system as well. My husband was he was working, but he said, if you start to feel a certain way, give me a call and I will shower you with love and compliments and be there for you. So I think it's really important to have people in your life that are there for you as well. So I had a good support system. I was my own support that day as well. I had tools in my toolbox. That really is why these modalities are so amazing because they are like a toolbox that you are carrying with you at all times. And I knew that today or that day that I went was going to have possible triggers for my negative thought patterns. And I knew that deep breathing was gonna be a fantastic tool for me that day. So I had some things on hand ready to go. Sure enough, all the things that I grabbed at first, I thought I was a certain size. I was actually like one or two sizes bigger, depending on the jeans. And so I had to go, I literally was in the mirror and I just took like three breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, breathing in and breathing out. And saying, I am beautiful, I am loved. it sounds silly like to say it out loud, but it really works because our body and our mind, like we need to speak to it. We need to speak love to it. If we are only letting the negative thoughts run the show, then negativity is gonna run all around us. And I think we need to normalize talking kindly to ourselves and Being there for ourselves in any sort of struggle, no matter how small it might seem. So I went and I got all the right sizes. And guys, when I tell you, the moment I buttoned up the jeans in the right size and figured out what size I actually am, it was like a breath of fresh air. To be able to feel comfortable in clothing when I haven't felt comfortable in a good pair of jeans in years, literally years, I honestly felt emotional. And I guess the reason this is so top of mind for me right now and is something I feel really passionate to talk about is because I feel like there is somebody listening right now that might also be going through the same thing. And this is your sign. It is time to donate the clothes or the things in your closet or your home that do not feel good to you anymore. Maybe they don't feel authentic to you. Maybe they don't fit you anymore. And maybe you just don't want them anymore. They don't bring you joy, whatever it may be, if it's not aligned, donate it. Sell it. Throw it away if it has a hole in it. Get rid of it. It's time to release. We talk so much about energetic releasing with the breath and with Reiki and all of these beautiful somatic tools. But sometimes what we really need is a good physical release. That could be spring cleaning in your house, getting rid of all of these old things that don't feel in alignment with who you are anymore. And that could definitely be your clothes if you are holding on to something because you are just. dying and hoping that one day you're gonna fit into it again. What are we doing? What are we doing? Where are the things that make you feel so good? Where are the things that when you put them on, you are comfortable, you are confident, and you just feel your best. you just feel good. I I'm so ready in this chapter of my life to just feel good in all areas of life. So that's with the things that I eat, that's with the things that I do and the things that I watch and read. And now it's it's spilling over into every other area of my life and it's really focusing on the things that I wear as well. I just feel like this is your sign to do the same. If there is something that you're just holding on to for some reason and it's not bringing you joy, and in fact it's actually bringing some negative feelings. It's time to let it go. You are going to feel so much better. So if there are things maybe like this could be a fun opportunity to sell a few pieces as well. If you want to like make a little bit of extra cash or just that really amazing feeling you get when you donate things as well, you might not feel good in those clothes anymore, but there might be somebody who really needs it and they might find it. Like maybe there's an old shirt that used to always wear to interviews and it doesn't fit you anymore. Imagine if there's a woman that is desperately needing a new job and she's prayed that she's able to find her dream job soon or at least something to get her out of the situation that she's in. And then she goes to the thrift store and she finds your shirt and wears it on the interview and she feels good and confident in it, right? There's a ripple effect that happens when we allow ourselves to release stagnant energy. And we instead trust that it's going to be turned into something new, The universe is constantly filtering out energies and recycling it into something new. And so when we release something with good intentions, with loving intentions, only good can come from that. I really do believe that. And then you're opening up pathways for more things to come in to you. I really do feel like when we feel our best, we attract our best, right? And so now I have this just this new confidence about me when I am walking out the door. I just feel good. I feel better. And I'm excited to see what comes from that. And I'm excited to see what comes from this new chapter of just loving my body for exactly where it is right now. Instead of always hoping that I'll get back to a past version of myself or always waiting and wanting for this future version of myself. Maybe when I do continue on my running journey and training for half marathons and onward, maybe I will lose a little bit of weight or maybe as I do strength training I'll tone up a little bit more. But that's not why I'm doing it. Honestly, the real reason I'm doing it right now is because my husband and I are ready to start a family and I hope to get pregnant soon. And so I want my body to be as healthy and ready to bring a baby into my womb as easily and effortlessly as possible. And the only way that I can feel good about doing that is knowing that I'm nourishing my body right now. And so that if that means that I'm never gonna look like I did before, that's totally fine because I don't wanna look like that girl anymore. I love her and that version of me so dearly but this version of me I want to have a baby I wanna have a a big family there's gonna be so many more important things happening than if I have a few extra pounds on me. Honestly, I mean that's just how it is. I love my life. I love my body I love this iteration of my body today. There is nothing I need to do in this moment to change it. And maybe that's a message you need to hear as well. Now, if you are feeling like your body doesn't feel its best, then there are loving ways that we can start to make adjustments in our day-to-day so you can prioritize feeling good. But we wanna look into the energy behind those changes that we make. So when you are exercising, just having a moment to check in, like turning it into a ritual, an energetic moment, honestly, where you look at your intention behind this particular workout. And if it is only because you're you're desperately trying to change something about the way that you look, y there's some sort of hatred or negativity or dislike or disdain for your body, then that is not the right energy to go about it. Because where intention goes, energy flows. And so if we are having a hateful or a negative intention towards our body and then we're working out really hard, like we're not actually going to get what we want. what we want beneath the layer actually is To feel bad about ourselves and we're only going to feel worse about ourselves because that is your intention, is just to change something. So if you take a moment to feel those thoughts come in and then you send love and attention to it and then make the tweaks that you need to, flip it around, and then your intention can become, I wanna work out because I love myself. I love feeling good. I want to wake up with energy. I want to feel good in my body. I want to be able to run for five miles without stopping. I want to be able to move up into my weights that I was using because I want to feel stronger. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and feel like I just had the most restful night of my life. And I want to be able to. Take my puppy for long walks and not feel winded, or I want to be able to conceive in the healthiest part of my life. And and those are the kind of things, the kind of intentions that are going to expand in the most beautiful ways that we can't even imagine. So this was just a short and sweet one today. Honestly, I feel really lit up about this. And if I can just pass on any message to you, if there's anything that you are holding on to that you know intuitively you are ready to let go of for any reason, it's time to let go of it. Let's clear it out and make space for the new. You can do it, I can do it. I'm so excited to hear what you all do with this information. And I love you all so much. Thank you for listening, and I'll talk to you soon. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Energy with Alex podcast. If you loved this conversation, it would mean so much if you could share it with your community and like, rate, and subscribe to the podcast so that I can continue having these incredible conversations every single week. I will see you next Thursday.