Latest / JOY LOVING HOME - SAHM, Productivity, Home Organization, Declutter, ADHD Mom, ADHD SAHM, ADHD Brain / 271: A 3-Step Hack to Tackle ADHD Deadlines

Transcript

271: A 3-Step Hack to Tackle ADHD Deadlines · JOY LOVING HOME - SAHM, Productivity, Home Organization, Declutter, ADHD Mom, ADHD SAHM, ADHD Brain

• 0:00
  If you have been following any type of ADHD podcast or, you know,
• 0:06
  the things that you tune into about how to try and understand your brain,
• 0:11
  whether you've ever been diagnosed or you just have suspicions about your own brain.
• 0:16
  You, I am sure, have come across the fact that some of the weaknesses of ADHD
• 0:21
  are that executive function.
• 0:24
  Being able to figure out how to prioritize and execute what's most important,
• 0:28
  and knowing the things that need to be done versus you're just using them as
• 0:34
  a distraction, and knowing that we have this limited working memory where we
• 0:39
  can really only sort of focus on one thought in our head at the time.
• 0:43
  If we try to pile too many things in there, we just get, you know,
• 0:48
  lost in the weeds and start to get things out of order. And so we're going to.
• 0:52
  This deep dive I want to talk about today is when you have a major thing that has to get done,
• 1:03
  and you have pushed yourself in this time game that we play with ourselves until
• 1:08
  we wait till something's urgent and then all of a sudden it feels really big
• 1:13
  and really huge and we're about to either completely paralyze with,
• 1:17
  frozenness over not getting anything done at all or we're going to just busy
• 1:24
  ourselves with what feels like activity, but everything's out of order and,
• 1:28
  we're doing things that don't need to be done instead of the things that do
• 1:32
  need to be done and we're just in the chaos of it.
• 1:35
  I want us to have this little three-part hack that I'm going to describe to
• 1:41
  help us focus all this in and,
• 1:45
  help make sure we get at least the essentials done and hopefully those things
• 1:49
  we actually would love to get done too when we're faced with something like
• 1:54
  that's a major project or deadline.
• 1:56
  So let's dig into that now.
• 1:59
  A wise person once said, Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its
• 2:04
  ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid.
• 2:08
  Well, fish, quit trying to climb trees while getting advice from well-intentioned monkeys.
• 2:15
  It's time to jump in the water and learn how to swim with the current of your life I'm Joy
• 2:20
  a professional organizer mom of four and fellow fish brain if you're looking
• 2:25
  for a place to get understanding encouragement and ideas for your home that
• 2:30
  actually fit how your brain thinks,
• 2:32
  then I'm glad you're here let's ditch the type A advice and embrace what makes
• 2:37
  our brains and our homes unique together we could have a joy loving home.
• 2:45
  Right before we jump in, I just want to say stick with me to the end.
• 2:49
  This is going to be very meaty, very actionable.
• 2:52
  You're going to want to either do it with me or take notes, but stay till the
• 2:56
  end because I'm going to, at the end, offer you one thing that we absolutely
• 3:01
  should never prioritize.
• 3:03
  And I think it's important to remember it. So stick with me all the way through. Okay.
• 3:07
  I am going to invite you into a scenario that I am certain you have experienced many, many times.
• 3:14
  I am currently going through it, which is why this podcast came to top of mind
• 3:18
  for me, because I will often share things on this podcast that I need for myself.
• 3:24
  And I hope that in needing them for myself, I am also sort of sharing them out
• 3:29
  loud so that you can benefit from what I'm trying to coach myself through.
• 3:34
  And then maybe you can get some benefit from it as well.
• 3:37
  But the scenario is you have some sort of real, immovable deadline that has actual consequences.
• 3:47
  This is, you know, the thing that is coming up, it's on the calendar,
• 3:53
  the calendar is not going to move, it's not a fake deadline,
• 3:56
  it's not the quote-unquote, just put it on your calendar and then you'll get it done. It's real.
• 4:01
  It will have multiple steps to it and it will have things that you had previously.
• 4:08
  Plan to do as you were sort of dreaming up this task of what,
• 4:12
  and I'm using air quotes again, sometimes I wish I was on video because everything
• 4:16
  doesn't translate audio wise, but air quotes,
• 4:19
  what a good mom would do because those moms that you see that go above and beyond,
• 4:25
  and I'm using simple little examples, but like the over-the-top school lunch, the over-the-top.
• 4:32
  Backpack, the over-the-top school supplies, those things that we internalize,
• 4:38
  whether we need to or not, thanks to things like Pinterest and Instagram,
• 4:43
  of those moms who have that time to do all those little extra touches.
• 4:49
  They're better moms, air quotes, than those of us who just get the bare minimum
• 4:54
  done because we were up against the deadline, remembered at the last second,
• 4:59
  pulled together what we could do.
• 5:02
  Everybody's fine. Everybody lives through the bare basics.
• 5:05
  But sometimes we wish we had allowed ourselves more time to do the extra.
• 5:10
  And so then all that mom guilt and the mom shame and the mom comparison rolls
• 5:14
  in that we just don't need to beat ourselves up with.
• 5:18
  So if you are in a scenario like this where you're about to be up against a
• 5:22
  timeline, a deadline, a project, a whatever that you want to do,
• 5:28
  and you're hoping maybe you could do a little more than just the bare minimum.
• 5:33
  And that would make you feel better. But here you are in the stress of prioritizing
• 5:38
  and not going down a rabbit hole of the wrong thing so that the important stuff doesn't get missed.
• 5:45
  That's where you're going to meet me in my current scenarios.
• 5:50
  So those are the picture this, because I know you've been there before.
• 5:54
  And now let's bring it down to some concrete, real examples.
• 5:57
  So in my particular scenario, I have a daughter that has an 11 a.m.
• 6:05
  Strict deadline of being moved into her college housing for the year.
• 6:10
  And she has a particular scenario in which she will have a brand new roommate.
• 6:16
  It is furnished-ish. I'm going to say that as an ish.
• 6:21
  But she is part of a tour. so her and her roommate have been required to match
• 6:29
  whether they would have wanted to or not if you're not in the college days and if you're not,
• 6:34
  in the south it's a very big deal in the south to have matching dorm rooms if
• 6:39
  you're girls but in their particular case because they're part of a house tour
• 6:44
  they're required for their rooms to match or their
• 6:47
  you know their room to look aesthetically pleasing. Let's just put it that way.
• 6:52
  And it has some weird gaps that I have had to solve for and some weird scenarios
• 6:59
  that we've had to solve for.
• 7:00
  I love it because my project ADHD Brain, who thrives on these things,
• 7:04
  is great, but it is making me distract myself from the actual necessities to
• 7:09
  get her launched off to college correctly.
• 7:12
  So this is an up and back for us on Saturday, and then,
• 7:16
  Sunday morning, we leave for the airport at 6.30 in the morning with what I
• 7:20
  hoped is a pre-packed suitcase for both myself and for the son,
• 7:24
  who we are about to move from one city in Florida to a different city in Florida,
• 7:29
  I need to pack some things he's going to need for his unfurnished apartment,
• 7:32
  starting a brand new job and a brand new life in a brand new city that starts on Monday, August 3rd.
• 7:40
  And this is when this has to happen, this move on the 2nd, because he's still
• 7:47
  working his current job and the new job starts the next, you know,
• 7:51
  on Monday. So here we are.
• 7:54
  And that has involved a whole lot of things that I enjoy, like trying to figure
• 8:00
  out how to get the right furniture there at the right time and actually finding
• 8:05
  an apartment with not touring other than online.
• 8:07
  And with figuring out like the fun stuff, I'll call it,
• 8:14
  and the unfun things that my brain screams and runs from of setting up electricity
• 8:19
  in his name and figure out how to get his car actually licensed or registered in Florida.
• 8:25
  And those, you know, renter's insurance that the apartment requires before he's
• 8:32
  actually allowed to move in.
• 8:34
  All the, what I consider things that my brain runs from, all of that is in the mix.
• 8:41
  And here we are. I am recording this Thursday, July 30th at 10 a.m.,
• 8:46
  hoping to post this any minute now.
• 8:49
  And all of this has been doing bits and pieces in the background as I think
• 8:54
  of them, but there's been no structure, no organization. And I'm like, enough is enough.
• 8:58
  Get your act together and share it with my podcast listeners.
• 9:03
  So here's what the scenario is. It's a three-step process that I started this morning.
• 9:08
  I think it's going to work well for me. Again, I love to share things with you
• 9:12
  that are not fully tested, but I love to hear feedback from you on things that
• 9:16
  you give a try. So this is my scenario.
• 9:19
  I'm inviting you into it. Please try it.
• 9:22
  We'll troubleshoot together and we'll have to report back on a future podcast
• 9:26
  about how the weekend went when I'm back on Tuesday and attempting to recover
• 9:32
  from all of this. So anyway, here's what we're going to do.
• 9:36
  Open your phone app, because this is something normally I would love to write
• 9:40
  down. And if you need the pencil and paper, which sometimes our brain needs, that's okay.
• 9:46
  Scribble it all down on pencil and paper, but do actually transfer it to your
• 9:50
  phone in a functioning notes app with the little checkmark bubbles.
• 9:56
  And the reason this is, I'm saying this has to be necessary is.
• 10:01
  We all know we'll walk away from that paper and pencil. We'll leave it behind.
• 10:05
  I could snap a picture of it on my phone, but then there's no way to cross off
• 10:09
  and check mark through and let myself know when I'm actually done with things.
• 10:13
  So I am needing to do this in my phone with the little jet mark bubbles. Okay.
• 10:20
  So there are three things and I love a good acronym that helps me remember exactly
• 10:27
  how to focus, the acronym I remember, and then everything that I can't hold
• 10:31
  on to in my brain will flood back in when I say the acronym to myself.
• 10:35
  So in this case scenario, we are using the letters H-A-D as in had.
• 10:41
  And I like this because this is the thing I would have done had I allowed myself
• 10:46
  the time to do it, had I started two weeks ago, had,
• 10:50
  I the type of brain that loved this type of prioritizing, had.
• 10:57
  All of this worked out the way I wish it had, this is what I would do.
• 11:02
  And since I'm in the moment now, I'm going to use these letters to help me focus
• 11:07
  in and get all of this done in where my brain comes alive, which is this,
• 11:12
  it's urgent, it's novel, it's happening.
• 11:16
  So the H is standing for have to.
• 11:20
  So these things that absolute musts for each kid to survive.
• 11:26
  So I am pulling up my phone and I've got my R, because my daughter's name starts
• 11:31
  with an R, had, and my M, because my son's name starts with an M, had.
• 11:36
  So I've got two separate lists going and the H is for both. So for my daughter.
• 11:42
  Honestly, she will survive if she has her clothes, her shoes,
• 11:46
  her toiletries, her tech, her school supplies, her bedding, her,
• 11:51
  you know, like if all I could do to pull together were those five things, she's going to survive.
• 11:57
  I could run back down the next weekend. Thankfully, her college happens to be
• 12:02
  close enough that I could do that if we suddenly forgot the lesser important things.
• 12:08
  So those are the things that are the H's. Now, I am putting the H,
• 12:13
  the A, and the D all on a singular list.
• 12:15
  So what I did is I popped in and you can change the color of the font you're
• 12:21
  using or you can even use highlighter function.
• 12:24
  So I use the highlighter and I'm going to use stoplight. We all know stoplight.
• 12:28
  So green, red, green, yellow, and red.
• 12:31
  I am giving all of the H's the green color, because to me, that needs to signal to my brain, go.
• 12:38
  This is the green light. Do this first. Go for it. Go, go, go. That's my green.
• 12:42
  Then the A is going to stand for the things I would aspire to do.
• 12:48
  If I had allowed myself the time, I would.
• 12:52
  Have the pretty curtains and the pretty throw pillow and the art that she would love to have.
• 12:57
  And we would print the pictures out so that she has a little touch of home.
• 13:01
  And all of those things that we consider over the top, the quote unquote good
• 13:07
  moms do, those are the aspirations. And it's okay to put them down.
• 13:12
  And I'm going to explain why they're necessary and important.
• 13:16
  Because I want you to get them out of your brain and onto this paper.
• 13:21
  And what I want you to do with those is put them in yellow or orange if the
• 13:24
  yellow is hard to read or the yellow or orange highlighter or whatever so that
• 13:28
  our brain is going, pause a second.
• 13:31
  You could do this task, but pause a second and ask yourself,
• 13:35
  do you still need to get one of the green ones done?
• 13:37
  Is the only time you should grab a yellow is if your brain is like,
• 13:42
  I'm tired of doing the icky stuff. I'm tired of doing the must do's.
• 13:46
  I would like a chance just to do one of the fun things I wanted to do.
• 13:49
  Just one fun moment, then give yourself, I'm going to call it a quote-unquote
• 13:54
  break because you're still actively working on,
• 13:57
  the icky have-tos, and I shouldn't always call the have-tos icky,
• 14:01
  but you know what I mean, the boring have-tos, and do one fun thing,
• 14:05
  but then remind yourself to get back to a green after you've done one of these yellows.
• 14:09
  And then the D in this scenario is for the distractions.
• 14:14
  These are the things we know when our body is literally freezing because we
• 14:20
  can't think of what to do next and we find ourselves in that spinny whirlpool of a fish brain.
• 14:25
  To say, I have to do something that's mindless or,
• 14:30
  I'm going to freeze completely and none of this is going to get done.
• 14:34
  Those are the silly things you find yourself doing. Like, you know,
• 14:38
  oh, what if somebody shows up at my house while I'm gone? Or the dog sitter
• 14:42
  is going to have an opinion of my house? Or all those silly scenarios that pop
• 14:47
  in our head that are actually not important.
• 14:49
  And you find yourself suddenly scrubbing out bathrooms and vacuuming or.
• 14:55
  Or remaking beds that don't need to be done right now. Those distractions,
• 15:00
  but they're mindless, and those mindless pauses sometimes are a gift to your brain.
• 15:05
  So get them down, but highlight them in red or pink, whatever the color is that
• 15:11
  tells your brain, stop, think, did you really need this?
• 15:15
  Or stop, only do this if your brain is frozen or whirling around.
• 15:21
  So that's the H, again, have to do, A, aspire to do, D, unknown distraction,
• 15:29
  and you've got them categorized as green, yellow, or red.
• 15:32
  So all of those things you can just list in normal font, just get them all out
• 15:40
  of your brain, no particular order. You don't have to worry about prioritizing.
• 15:44
  You don't have to worry about anything.
• 15:46
  Then you go back and you hit the highlighter in those colors that you want so
• 15:50
  that that's your way of categorizing.
• 15:53
  Then when you pull your list up at any moment, you get to glance down and go,
• 15:57
  oh, it's an organized list.
• 16:00
  It is prioritized, not as one, two, three, four, five, I have to do it in a
• 16:04
  certain order, but as gravitate towards the green.
• 16:08
  If you need to grab a yellow, if you need to grab a red, it's all out there, out of your brain.
• 16:13
  And the nice thing about this notes list is because it's not numbered,
• 16:19
  you don't get hung up on number three and you can't move past it so four through 17 aren't getting done,
• 16:26
  you can jump to any green no matter where it landed on the list.
• 16:30
  You can jump to any yellow no matter where it landed on the list.
• 16:33
  And when you check any of these off, which feels really good,
• 16:37
  they stay listed at the bottom so you can see that you are accomplishing things.
• 16:42
  They're there. They're done. They feel good. They're reminders to yourself that
• 16:46
  you can do hard things and that you are tackling all of the stuff that is needing
• 16:52
  to get done in this important project that has a real deadline for you.
• 16:58
  I hope you can envision what I'm asking you to do. I hope you pulled out your
• 17:02
  phone and you gave it a go.
• 17:04
  If you didn't, while you were listening, pause, try it right now.
• 17:09
  Just see if you're like, oh, I didn't even realize it had highlighter buttons
• 17:12
  or, oh, I get what she means about I can put it in any order just as things come to me.
• 17:17
  And then I can go back and highlight after the fact.
• 17:21
  I will also tell you the beauty of a list like this is you can have this initial
• 17:26
  download of your brain and then as you're in the middle of doing something else,
• 17:31
  you're like, oh, I forgot to put this down.
• 17:34
  You pull your phone out and you add the next bubble.
• 17:36
  You can, it's an active, moving, pending list of things that doesn't have to
• 17:42
  have some sort of weird linear order.
• 17:44
  With those cues to your brain of important, less important, not important at all.
• 17:51
  That will help organize you. Now, I promised that at the end,
• 17:55
  I was going to give you the thing to never, ever, ever prioritize while you're doing this.
• 18:01
  And that is never, ever prioritize. That guilt you're trying to lug around with
• 18:07
  you, that shame that you weren't doing this two weeks ago, that worry that you're
• 18:13
  not going to get it all done.
• 18:15
  If any of those creep in, please at the very least grab a red off that list
• 18:20
  and keep your body moving but if you need that inspiration of doing a yellow
• 18:25
  and feeling like a quote-unquote good mom who got that.
• 18:29
  Little extra piece done then go for it but keep working towards getting yourself
• 18:35
  to do a green every time you allow yourself into the yellow and red categories,
• 18:40
  before you know it because I know your brain,
• 18:43
  your brain is going to thrive in this urgency.
• 18:47
  Your brain is going to thrive in the deadline that's real.
• 18:50
  And you will get more done than you realized. And when you are,
• 18:55
  at the dorm, or whatever your particular project is, and you're getting the
• 19:00
  things tucked in and tucked away, and you're discovering, I forgot,
• 19:04
  I forgot one of the important things,
• 19:07
  get it on that list and figure out how to remedy it in the moment because a
• 19:11
  lot of it can be remedied in the moment.
• 19:14
  We live in places that have a Walmart, that have a grocery store,
• 19:19
  that have ways to be like, I can't believe we literally forgot all of your toiletries.
• 19:24
  This is an expensive lesson, but it is what it is and we can run out and get
• 19:28
  you toothpaste and toothbrushes and the world will not end.
• 19:32
  The majority of what you're doing is not life and death consequences.
• 19:39
  You do the best you can. You fix the rest in the moment and you keep plugging on.
• 19:45
  I know you can do this and I hope that this had a little experiment project
• 19:51
  here of how to get your brain out of your brain.
• 19:55
  Your list out of your brain and onto a functioning non-linear list with very
• 20:02
  basic, very basic color coding of go for these,
• 20:06
  pause for these, stop and only do these if you need them, is going to help you
• 20:11
  focus on actually accomplishing,
• 20:14
  this important thing that's facing you.
• 20:17
  So I will stop here because I've been recording for 20 minutes,
• 20:20
  which is a long one for me,
• 20:22
  and I need to get this out to you and I need to get busy on this had list that
• 20:26
  I have rolling because I'm in the thick of it and I'm packing the vehicles up tomorrow.
• 20:32
  So time is of the essence.
• 20:35
  I hope that this is helpful. I would love it if you have been enjoying my podcast.
• 20:40
  If you'll take two seconds to go down and give me a rating and review,
• 20:45
  it really means the world to me.
• 20:46
  And I haven't asked for that in a while and I haven't had a rating or review
• 20:49
  in a while. And so if you are new here, you've discovered me lately and you're
• 20:54
  like, oh, I could help her out.
• 20:56
  That would be huge for me. So thank you. Until next time, continue to choose joy.