Latest / The IDEA SANDWICH Podcast / Read the Room Before You Open Your Mouth
Transcript
- Ara Topouzian: To make a great sandwich, you need great ingredients, and the same goes for your work and yourself. The way you layer them, balance them, and maybe even toast them a little, that's what makes something memorable. I'm Ara Topouzian and this is the idea sandwich, where we mix the right layers of creativity, business, and life to bring something worth biting into. Today's episode is about something we should all know how to do, but surprisingly, many of us don't. Reading the room. Recently I read a story online about an individual who was trying to close a multimillion dollar deal and ended up blowing it simply because he said the wrong thing during the meeting. And not talking about someone who presented incorrect data or got their numbers wrong. I'm talking about someone who used language and a level of familiarity that should have been reserved for someone they knew personally. I found that story particularly interesting. Because I've witnessed and have been part of similar conversations myself. Sometimes during an initial meeting with someone who wants to do business with me, they'll speak as though we're long-lost friends. They'll say things like, Hey, buddy, or How are you, pal? Or use other expressions we typically reserve for friends and family, certainly not someone we've just met. Let me ask you something. How does that make you feel when someone seems to overstep the boundaries of familiarity with you? I know for me it's a complete turn off. I'd like to think I have a pretty good ability to size someone up based on their first impression they make. What they say, how they say it, and even their body language could tell me a lot about whether this is someone I can trust or would even be interested in doing business with. And I think this issue spans generations. It isn't simply emerging leaders who make these potentially unintended faux paus I've heard these same remarks from people who should be seasoned executives. Some might argue that it doesn't matter how they act because. they're simply being true to themselves. But I would push back on that. If you don't have the ability to read a room or understand how you're being received by the people in it, you're far more likely to fail at whatever you're trying to accomplish. Growing up, our parents used to tell us, or at least they did in my generation, to quote unquote, mine your Ps and Q's. And what that really meant was being conscious of what comes out of your mouth, understanding what is appropriate, what isn't, and recognizing when something you say lands well or doesn't. Sometimes what you say can make the difference in closing a multi-million dollar deal. And it can most assuredly make the difference in a job interview. Reading the room isn't necessarily an art form. It requires thoughtfulness, listening, and observing. So, one very simple way to navigate a conversation is always to lead with politeness. You'll usually know within the first few minutes what kind of personality you're dealing with. Everyone wants to make a good first impression, right? But the reality is some people need a little help in that department. And you'll often recognize that within the first few moments of meeting them, not only would I lead with politeness, but I would also refrain from using the kind of casual jargon or familiar expressions you might use when talking with a friend or family member. And sometimes that can be difficult. You're trying to be genuine yourself. You want the other person to see that you're likable, you're approachable, and easy to talk to. But here's the problem. What you're trying to project and what the other person actually perceives can be two entirely different things. You might think you're coming across as friendly and confident, while the person sitting across from you thinks you're being overly familiar, unprofessional, or even disrespectful. And that's where reading the room becomes so important. Another important part of reading the room beyond the language use is understanding what you ask for and how you ask for it. Now, I have to admit, I've seen this happen more frequently with emerging leaders. They feel it's necessary to impress someone within the first few minutes of meeting them. And that, of course, can be a major turnoff. In fact, this happens to me even more often than the overly familiar greetings I mentioned earlier. Someone is eager to meet me. Maybe they've been hoping for an introduction or have finally gotten an opportunity to have a conversation with me. And what happens? within the first few seconds of our greeting, they launch right into their pitch. No real conversation. No effort to establish a connection. Just straight into what they want, what they're working on, or what they think I can do for them. Wow. What a major turnoff that can be. I understand enthusiasm and I appreciate ambition. And I certainly respect someone who has the confidence to approach another person. That's not easy, but there's a time and place for everything. And just because you have someone's attention doesn't necessarily mean you've earned the opportunity to make your pitch. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is slow down. Ask a thoughtful question and actually listen to the answer. You might discover that the conversation naturally leads to the very thing you wanted to discuss in the first place. Or you might realize that this isn't the right moment. And that's okay too. Because reading the room isn't about changing who you are. It's about understanding who you're talking to and recognizing that not everyone communicates or responds the same way. And there's something else worth remembering. Being memorable and making a good impression aren't necessarily the same thing. You can certainly make yourself memorable by being the loudest person in the room, the most aggressive, or the one who immediately starts talking about themselves. But is that really how you want to be remembered? I've always Believe that the best conversations aren't necessarily the ones where you say the most. They're the ones where both people walk away feeling that the conversation was worthwhile. And that takes a little self-awareness. In the end, yes, we have to be careful about what comes out of our mouths. It's something most of us were taught as small children, but somewhere along the way, some of us seem to have forgotten that. And maybe it's time we revisited that childhood advice. Mind your P's and Q's, be polite, listen before you speak, and don't assume familiarity that hasn't been earned. because whether you're trying to land a new job. Close a business deal or simply make a meaningful connection. The words you choose and the way you deliver them matter. And remember, making a good impression isn't just about what you say. Sometimes it's about knowing what not to say. So here's a little food for thought before your next meeting, networking event, or important conversation. Before you worry about making an impression, take a moment to understand the person you're trying to impress. Because sometimes the difference between opening a door and having one closed in your face comes down to something as simple as knowing how to read the room. And that's today's idea sandwich. I'm Ara Topouzian Thanks for listening. And until next time, keep feeding your curiosity, keep learning, and remember the right ingredients can make all the difference.