Latest / Enough & Evolving / 3 Hidden Patterns Keeping You Stuck (And How to Break Them)
Transcript
- Tyona Vallejo: Hey friends, welcome back to the podcast. Woohoo, and if you're joining for the first time, welcome. I'm so excited. This is episode number 10, and this is a juicy one. is all about your hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck and how to break them. Hello and welcome to Enough In Evolving Podcast. I'm your host, Tyona Vallejo, master certified life coach and mindfulness expert, you reclaim confidence, break through unhelpful patterns and manifest the relationships and life you desire. Now let's get started. If you're listening to this and you're recognizing yourself in these patterns, this is exactly the work I do inside my coaching. This isn't something you have to figure out alone. If you're ready to feel more confident, grounded, and self-trusting, I'd love to support you. Check out the show notes to book a consultation coaching call today. If you've ever felt like your emotions are running your life or your relationships feel frustrating and stuck or you deep down wonder what if I am the problem? What is that Taylor Swift song? Right? I'm the problem now. if any those things have come ⁓ up your mind recently, this is the episode for you because these are the three most common challenges that I help my clients work through. honestly, they were the same things I struggled with. And here's what I want you to know away. Nothing has wrong if you've noticed these ⁓ issues up in your life. You are not broken. You've just never been taught to work with your mind ⁓ and emotions and your system to help you ⁓ walk through life in a way that's more empowering. Today I'm gonna walk you through three patterns, why they happen and what actually shifts them. So let's get started. Now, here's problem number one. It's when emotions feel out of control, like they're sabotaging your goals. I had a client come to me that ⁓ to make shift ⁓ in her She wanted to move into a ⁓ niche, ⁓ new title in career. And in doing she really excited about the potential ⁓ that she would have making this shift. But... she knew that she kept sabotaging herself and her goals. She would start out feeling really excited about them, get some momentum going, and then all of a sudden find herself procrastinating, second guessing, feeling like she was overwhelmed and in a state of freeze, just from it all. Have you ever felt like that? If this sounds familiar, is often because we ⁓ having emotional capacity to work through the situations, the emotions that are coming ⁓ up the that we're in, whether that's a relationship, whether that's ⁓ challenges in workplace. When we're not to ⁓ process the stress cycle, move through the emotional situations that are coming up, then we'll get stuck in these of anxiety. We'll start feel completely stressed and exhausted from being stuck in this stress cycle. Some of the triggers that you may notice come up in this area around money, around time, around pressure. ⁓ you're feeling any of those areas being triggered, ⁓ may be due to a of emotional capacity to process ⁓ things. the feelings that are coming up. this can also ⁓ ⁓ lack of focus. Now, this isn't because you're lazy or inconsistent. It's because you haven't built that capacity to feel your emotions without shutting down. Your nervous system is simply trying to protect you from discomfort. And so you will notice yourself in that state of freeze or in that place of overwhelm and overthinking. When you learn how to regulate your body and stay present with the discomfort that comes up, then everything begins to change. The second problem that arises happens when you have a pattern of blaming, of pointing the finger and thinking that maybe your partner, there's something wrong with them, or a family member that you're struggling with, or a coworker that you keep heads with. ⁓ you're thinking that they are the problem, This is the second pattern that can keep us stuck. was me for a long time in my marriage. When kept focusing on what I believed ⁓ was... failing at or not doing or the things that were wrong with him. was happening was ⁓ was giving away ⁓ ⁓ power. ⁓ was giving away my own autonomy to make my experience better. Instead, I was stuck in that spiral ⁓ complaint, of ⁓ and powerless. if this sounds like you. The thing that you might notice in this situation is this feeling ⁓ you are trapped, you are stuck, ⁓ like you have no choice in the matter. And what I ⁓ encourage you to is that you ⁓ always a choice, ⁓ regardless ⁓ what situation. ⁓ This is the human that we've been given. This is free will. We ⁓ have a choice in how we hold a situation. And if you're constantly waiting for others to change, then you are going to ⁓ constantly in a state of disappointment ⁓ we cannot control others. only thing that we can control is ourself and the way that we perceive the world around us. also may notice yourself in emotional reactivity if this is an issue for you, if this is the one you're noticing most. I know for me I was constantly irritable, I was in a state of frustration ⁓ and feeling that feeling of powerlessness. and this mindset actually takes away your power. And again, I want to reiterate, when you believe someone else is the reason that you feel the way you do, you lose your autonomy. Hopefully if this is you, this is your reawakening to come back to your power. Your emotions are not created by other people. They are created by what you're making their actions mean. So. This is exactly what I teach in my coaching program. is a method called the transformational mirror method, where the things that we're seeing in our external life are reflection of what we are experiencing internally. If this sounds of interest to you, ⁓ feel to reach ⁓ out we can have a personal conversation about this method. Because when you shift way that you are ⁓ your life and step into your autonomy, ⁓ you're longer feeling stuck. You're feeling like you have control over your path. You may not feel like you have complete control over everything. but you know that you definitely have power ⁓ the way that your life unfolds. ⁓ when you realize this power, then life begins to shift. you start taking inspired action ⁓ from this place ⁓ empowerment. Now, the third pattern that I see in my clients and that I also experienced is when you swing all the way the other way and you start believing that I am the problem, this is how manifests. Maybe make a mistake or you aren't hitting your goals ⁓ in ⁓ work you're ⁓ maybe not having relationship that you want. You're not getting the support that you want. ⁓ And of a sudden you start feeling like you're not enough. Like this is a personal attack or reflection of your worth you start maybe trying to prove yourself or ⁓ or you start overcompensating. A lot of times this can look like someone that is ⁓ apologetic for ⁓ ⁓ doing or not doing in their life or you're seeking validation from your other ⁓ from your friends always looking for that approval or trying to appease so that you feel like you're enough. And what's so important to understand is that this is an identity issue. It's not the truth that behavior or your circumstances are a reflection of your worth. Absolutely You've learned to attach limiting beliefs to who ⁓ are. instead of seeing them as thoughts that you've practiced over and over again, somewhere along the line, you got into a pattern of believing that you had to earn your worth. And the truth is you don't need to fix yourself. You need to change the way you see yourself for you to feel worthy again. Now, the reason that I'm so about this ⁓ is because that ⁓ I have been all of these women. ⁓ lived ⁓ these patterns and it's still work progress. still noticing at times, but I'm ⁓ onto them now. ⁓ I'm not letting them run my any longer. Whereas previously, I used to feel like I wasn't enough and I used to feel out of control my emotions ⁓ instead of processing them in a healthy way, ⁓ would turn to alcohol and other things to numb myself from those feelings that I couldn't handle. ⁓ would point the finger and I would blame. my spouse or the other person in the room for whatever was the issue at the time. And it wasn't until I found yoga and then coaching that I actually started to adopt a sense of awareness around my life and around my thinking, my emotions, and the results that were happening in my life. When I started to down this path ⁓ mindfulness, not did it increase ⁓ my of what was happening, ⁓ but gave me back my power. It allowed me to see that I do always have the choice in ⁓ I ⁓ my in ⁓ what think about myself in what I'm believing about my worth. And when I see that my thoughts are leading to my feelings, they're creating how I feel and my experience, and that is leading to my behaviors and ultimately my results. I know for sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have power over my life Not only that, but I have learned how to really process the emotions, those difficult emotions that would come up, especially when I was having difficult conversations with my spouse in situations where I would be triggered ⁓ my nervous system would go into a state of ⁓ or flight. I to learn how to process those emotions and how to with my nervous system to create a sense ⁓ ⁓ inside. As began to grow, I also started to cultivate a sense of self-compassion ⁓ for my for my patterns that had been sabotaging me. and in growing my compassion for myself, I also started to have more compassion for those around me. That's when everything started to open up. What I discovered is that when you feel safe in your body, when you understand your thoughts, and when you meet yourself with compassion, you stop reacting and you start choosing. You begin to make better decisions because you aren't stuck in that stress response that hijacks... your CEO, your prefrontal cortex, that higher thinking brain. start to make better decisions and aligned action towards your goals, towards the life that you desire. And in so, you also improve your relationships. You improve your relationships outside with your loved ones, but also more importantly, you improve your relationship with yourself. This is the positive momentum that is available to you when you start to get out of your own way and you shift those patterns that are keeping you stuck a feeling low self-worth, in a feeling of powerlessness and self-sabotage. if you see yourself in any of these patterns and you're ready to feel more in control of your emotions, more confident in yourself and more empowered in your relationships, I invite you to reach out to schedule a coaching consultation for my one-on-one coaching program. This is exactly the work I do inside my coaching. I help you build emotional capacity, shift your mindset, and create real change in your life. You are not broken, you are not behind, You simply haven't been taught how to work with yourself yet. And once you do, can change. so I hope this podcast has given you the you need to create a shift in of the self-sabotaging patterns ⁓ that you may feel stuck in. And thank you again for listening. As always, you are enough. and you are always evolving. See you next week.