Latest / Two Cents: We See Scary Movies / Piranha 3D (2010) | Spring Break, Bad Decisions, and a Lake Full of Teeth

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Piranha 3D (2010) | Spring Break, Bad Decisions, and a Lake Full of Teeth · Two Cents: We See Scary Movies

0:00
Welcome back to Two Cents. We see Scary Movies, the podcast
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where we see scary movies, so you don't have to, although
0:05
let's be honest, you probably still will.
0:07
Antoine, your resident horror enthusiast, who absolutely would
0:10
be the one saying it's probably fine right before the first wind
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surfaces. And I'm here with Christopher
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Tobacco, Rd. Harley-Davidson, salesman by
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day, ocean avoider by nature, a man who is deeply spiritually
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terrified of sharks, which makes it especially funny that tonight
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we're not even doing sharks. We're doing fish that travel in
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packs. Congratulations buddy, you
0:31
upgraded from one big predator to thousands of tiny ones.
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And this month's theme is spring break.
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Broken bodies. Because nothing says memories
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that last a lifetime like tequila, bad choices, and
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prehistoric carnivores that have been waiting 2,000,000 years for
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bikini season. Tonight we're diving into
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Piranha 3D, the movie. That said, what if Jaws but make
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it feral and add more spring breaky.
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So stay out of the water or don't, It won't matter.
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Let's get into it to it. Before we jump into Piranha 3D,
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we do need to address the obvious change.
1:08
Dan is no longer on the show. No horror movie betrayal, no one
1:12
got fed to anything aquatic. He's just extremely busy.
1:16
Full time job, full time school kids, all that.
1:19
Something had to give and unfortunately it was this.
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Which brings us to the new voice and now face you're seeing that
1:26
is Christopher. He is officially joining two
1:29
cents. Yes, and this is also my
1:31
daughter's fiance. And yes, this means family
1:33
dinners just got more interesting.
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And yes, we already Co host another podcast together called
1:38
one season Wonder where we talk about TV shows that only lasted
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one season. Because we're both used to doing
1:43
that show on video, we decided to switch 2 cents over to video
1:47
format as well. So if you're watching us now
1:50
instead of just listening, this is your fault Christopher.
1:53
So welcome to the chaos. Yep, I'm happy to be here.
1:57
All right, we'll just go ahead and jump right into the movie.
2:00
I want to spend a little extra time on the opening because the
2:03
movie very deliberately starts with a joke, and the joke is
2:06
Jaws. So we open on Richard Dreyfuss
2:09
alone on a tiny boat in the middle of the lake, and he is
2:11
very clearly styled like Matt Hooper.
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They never say it's Hooper, but it's Richard Dreyfuss dressed
2:18
like Hooper, acting like Hooper and even singing the same song
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He's singing Jaws, which was Show me the way to go home.
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So right away, the movie is basically winking at be like,
2:25
yeah, we know exactly what we're doing.
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Everything is calm, peaceful, quiet.
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And then suddenly there's this small seismic tremor, not huge,
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but big enough to crack open the lake floor.
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So maybe a little huge. The water starts swirling into
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the Whirlpool. His little boat gets caught in
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it. He tries to restart the engine.
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It won't go. He falls into the water and
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immediately gets torn apart by a swarm of prehistoric piranha
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that have just been released from the underground.
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And you'd need. Something about Richard Dreyfuss
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about the movie though. Oh, OK.
2:55
He got paid 50 DS for that cameo.
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What? And yeah, and he donated it all
3:01
to charity. He donated to what?
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Charity. Oh, charity, they said.
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Siri the robot. Yeah, he.
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Donated all the charity, but he got, wow, that little bit of
3:18
work or I don't know how long, yeah.
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I mean, it was the opening, but that was it.
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That's all he had in it. I mean, he's mentioned later,
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but you don't see him again of course because he was eating.
3:28
But wow. So anyway, that's the cold,
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open, calm, nostalgia, instant chaos and boom, we're off.
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Then we shift into town to meet our main cast and set up the
3:37
situation. It's spring break at Lake
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Victoria, Arizona, which is basically the biggest money
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making week of the year for this town.
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It's just a small town, but this, it's got this Big Lake.
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There are college kids everywhere, drinking everywhere,
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music everywhere, total chaos. It actually feels very Jaws in
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that sense. Busiest time of year, worst
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possible moment for something to go wrong.
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We meet Jake Forrester riding through town and he spots
3:58
Sheriff Julie Forrester arresting some drunk idiot who
4:01
thinks it's hilarious at first. You don't even clock this.
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She's his mom because they don't tell you her name from right off
4:07
the beginning. But she you can tell that she's
4:09
a very no nonsense woman. And that year there's obviously
4:11
some connection between her and Jake, but you don't really sense
4:14
what it is at this point. But she's all business anyway.
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Jake runs into his friend Kelly, who wants him to hang out for
4:21
spring break, but he tells her he can't because he's stuck
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babysitting his younger siblings.
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Then a couple of guys roll up, give Jake a hard time, and Kelly
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leaves with them. It takes about 10 seconds to
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establish Jake's place in the social hierarchy here, so then
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he heads over to check on his little sister, who's sitting at
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a table with this gorgeous British girl named Danny.
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The sisters maybe 7 or 8, super chatty, and Danny is just
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humoring her. Jake introduces himself and
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that's when Derek Jones shows up.
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Now he's the sleazy spring bake break video producer type who
4:52
basically films drunk college girls for money.
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And what was that show? There was a show back in the
4:57
day, Girls Gone Wild. Yeah, it's basically that.
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I could not. The real dude actually
5:01
threatened to like like press charges for any kind of like bad
5:04
depiction that that can we curse on this podcast.
5:08
Yeah, I say cursors all the time that.
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Fucking that actor Gerry O'Connell.
5:14
I don't think he's acting in that movie because every movie
5:18
I've seen him, he's the exact same.
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Like in Kangaroo Jack, he's the exact same character, just
5:23
without the. It's a long time since I've seen
5:25
Kangaroo Jack, so I don't remember what he's like.
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I remember him, remember him most because I've seen it the
5:29
most, is Stand By Me. And he was nothing like this
5:32
character and Stand By Me, he was a little kid.
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But I don't like him. There's a lot of people in this
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movie I do not like, like Kevin Bacon.
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That's an inside joke. He does like Kevin Bacon.
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Kevin Bacon's going to do. Just you, I love Kevin Bacon.
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So anyway, so we cut to Jake at home later looking Derek up
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online when Sheriff mom walks in and casually calls him out
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because his sister told her he made plans.
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He panics, lies, insists to staying home to babysit so they
6:09
have a little thing, and then she finally leaves the room and
6:10
this is where the tone shifts. Later that night, Julie gets
6:13
word that a local named Matt, yes Richard Dreyfuss character
6:16
from the opening, went out fishing and never came home.
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His wife is worried, so Julie and her deputy Fallon, played by
6:23
Ving Rhames, head out onto the lake in the dark to look for
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him. They find his little fishing
6:28
boat drifting just far enough off the dock.
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They can't quite reach it. It's quiet, too quiet.
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Julie leans out to grab it and loses her balance.
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She falls straight into the water and 1st what second you
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think, OK, this is where she gets attacked.
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But instead she comes up gasping and behind her Matt's mangling
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half eaten corpses floats to the surface.
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But he's like right on top of her.
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It's really your cat, your typical expected jump scare
6:54
moment. Anyway, this is the moment she
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realizes something is seriously wrong in that lake.
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And that's why the next day she was very clear with Jake the
7:01
kids are not going near the water.
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Which of course he completely ignores.
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Next thing we see he's already on the dock with his little
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brother and sister, making a deal with them.
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He'll pay them if they don't tell anyone that he left because
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he wants to go into town and, you know, go wild with the
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girls. So they agree because $60.00 is
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a parent's apparently life changing money for a little kid
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and he takes off. And that fucking dude like very
7:23
dangerous for children to be right next to the open water,
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would bring bait break boat rolling around everywhere and
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he's like. There's little kids, Yeah.
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And The thing is, he tells him to stay inside.
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Inside he leaves and I guess leaves them at the water
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responsible. Okay, so out on the lake he
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meets up with Derricks. Boat runs into Kelly again, gets
7:44
called a sand rat because he's a local, and before long they're
7:47
all heading out to some secluded part of the lake to shoot
7:50
footage. Is it the sand rat?
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The mascot of the school. They didn't say anything about
7:55
the school, but. Maybe I'm they just I just
7:58
assume. Yeah, they call them sand rats
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because I guess all the sand by the lake makes sense.
8:02
I guess I don't know. So meanwhile the little brother
8:04
decides he wants to go fishing somewhere quieter because the
8:07
dock is too crowded, which I think it was just the two of
8:10
them. Not true. 2 little kids, they
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take up a lot of space so he convinces his sister to take
8:17
their little canoe over to a nearby island even though she
8:20
knows they're supposed to stay home.
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Now I don't know what the difference is between the crowd
8:24
at their dock and the crowd at the island because it didn't
8:27
seem like there was anyone around them near the dock but
8:30
whatever. And the island looked like it
8:32
was just right across the water like you could see it right
8:34
across the water so they. Yeah.
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So he promises it's not that far, which it isn't.
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And they go. And you already know that this
8:42
going to be a problem. Back on Derek's boat, things get
8:45
ridiculous fast. The girls jump in the water,
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strip naked, start doing this full synchronized underwater
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dance routine where they can hold their breath for 20
8:53
minutes, apparently as they never come up for air.
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You're right about that. And but apparently they had to
9:01
try, like they really did have to train for that scene.
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Well, I, I have some a little extra notes about the movie and
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they, those two women, I don't know if it was those two women
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that were actually underwater doing it that played the roles,
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but the women that were playing that part where they were
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dancing underwater, they were actually synchronized swimmers
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or something. I have at the end of my notes.
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So I'll get to it then I suppose.
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So they're holding their breath really well underwater and
9:27
dancing and they're filming it. So we cut back to the kids on
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the island and this is where the this is was a bad idea moment
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kicks in. So the little brother didn't tie
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the canoe up properly. So now it's just drifting away
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slowly and the two of them are stranded.
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The little girl starts walking into the shallow water, trying
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to wave down passing boats, yelling for help, but no one can
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hear her over the music and chaos out on the lake, which
9:49
where they were, there was none of that, but whatever.
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So as she's walking through the water, she steps on something
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out if it's a sharp rock or whatever it is, and it cuts her
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foot and of course it starts bleeding, which I guess piranha
10:04
are like sharks. They can smell blood from
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1,000,000 miles away. And you can see this, this
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piranha from its POV just through the water and it's
10:14
coming for her, but she gets out just in time.
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Phew, of course. Actually can't smell blood.
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OK, how far? They can detect a single drop of
10:24
blood in 50 gallons of water. That's not very much.
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I mean, considering they're in a lake, well, just considering it,
10:30
50 gallons of water for a lake, I think a lot.
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They're big. They might be.
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It might be amplified by how many gallons?
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Maybe they're dinosaurs. But anyway, this moment tells
10:43
you the piranha are spreading, so they're just not like in one
10:46
spot anymore. Then we cut to Julie, who's out
10:48
on the lake again, this time with a group of seismologists
10:51
who've come to investigate that crack in the lake floor from the
10:54
tremor. One of them explains that there
10:56
was basically a subterranean lake trapped underneath Lake
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Victoria, sealed off for millions of years, and now the
11:01
earthquake has opened it up. So naturally 2 divers decide
11:04
this is a great idea and go down to explore it.
11:07
Not a great. Yeah, they find the rift, swim
11:10
inside and and Papa Flair and suddenly you see them hundreds,
11:13
maybe thousands swarming. They tear the first diver apart.
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The second diver, of course, she makes the bad decision of trying
11:21
to help the first diver, which is not a good idea.
11:24
And they are start coming after her.
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And so she's screaming and she's trying to get out through the
11:29
little towel they came into. And then all of a sudden the guy
11:31
that was on the boat still the main, the head guy, he had put
11:35
all his gear on and jumped in because he knew there was a
11:37
problem. And you see him all of a sudden
11:38
grab her and pull her away and hauls her out of that area.
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And I don't know why they didn't all follow them.
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All the piranha didn't follow them, but they kind of all
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backed off except for one. So he hauls her out onto the
11:51
boat. She's completely mangled,
11:52
totally dead. So like I said, one of the
11:55
piranha made it onto the boat with her and it's flopping
11:57
around and jumping around and they're like, what the fuck is
11:59
this? So they put it into a bucket and
12:02
they head back to shore. They get to this.
12:04
I don't know if it's a store or small museum, I don't know what
12:09
it is, but it's I. Thought it was like a aquarium,
12:12
like a local. It could have been, yeah, But he
12:15
was a obviously a big fish enthusiast because he had fish
12:17
stuff all over the place and tanks and aquariums and
12:20
whatever. And his name is Carl Goodman,
12:22
and he's played by Christopher Lloyd, who runs this fish store
12:26
thing. And he's also a very eccentric
12:29
guy. So they plopped this prehistoric
12:31
demon fish into an aquarium and asked, what the hell is this?
12:34
So Goodman pulls out this old fossil and explains that this
12:37
species is about 2,000,000 years old, supposedly extinct, and now
12:41
it's in their lake. So then they explained the
12:44
tremor and the break and the earth and the underwater cavern.
12:48
And then it all clicks for him. And he's like, these things
12:51
survived underground, probably by eating each other.
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And then when that rift opened up the earth, they are able to
12:57
come out. So this means they're probably
13:00
very aggressive, and now they've got access to fresh meat across
13:03
the whole lake. And of course, that fresh meat
13:05
just happens to be a bunch of drunk college kids on spring
13:08
break. Good timing.
13:11
So now we go back to Jake's boat.
13:12
Derek hands Jake a camera, and suddenly Jake is a professional
13:15
cinematographer. Like, it's amazing.
13:17
Like, this kid knows nothing about what's going on.
13:20
There's nothing about cameras, But he's got this full on
13:22
professional camera, and he is using it like he's a
13:25
professional cinematographer. So he's filming A topless girl
13:28
who is parasailing. And because Derek wants the
13:31
money shot, he's, you know, supposed to be trained on her
13:34
with the camera. But meanwhile, Derek, Eric and
13:38
one of the girls are casually doing coke on the boat and while
13:41
Jake is filming, he happens to look over and he sees something
13:45
that he's like oh shit, it's his little brother and sister
13:48
waiting for help from the island.
13:49
So he immediately stops filming. I want to add to this point
13:52
because I forgot about this part.
13:54
They like hired him to show him all the good spots of the lake
13:59
and he took them like 50 feet from it's towel.
14:07
Yeah, I was like, he's nowhere near where all the action is,
14:10
because all the actions down like the near the main part of
14:13
town, there's like thousands of them all over the place and
14:17
they're out here in this remote, desolate part of the lake.
14:19
Nothing's going on. So it is weird that that's where
14:22
they were, Right? Exactly.
14:25
That's the happening spot in town.
14:29
We've got kids. So he stops filming because he's
14:33
looking at his brother and sister and he's like, what the
14:36
fuck are you guys doing over there?
14:37
So then Derek sees and he's not filming the money shot and
14:40
freaks out because he's going to miss it.
14:42
So Jake says, those are my siblings, I'm supposed to be
14:45
babysitting them. So Derek's basically like, not
14:47
my problem, dude. Until Jake drops the magic
14:50
words. My mom's the sheriff.
14:52
And then suddenly Derek is very interested, they did, in
14:54
rescuing these kids. So they turn the boat toward the
14:57
island. But before we even get there, we
14:59
cut back to the parasailing girl and she's in the water because,
15:02
you know, she, you know, she's parasailing.
15:04
So while they're going, she's up in the air.
15:06
But of course, when they slow down and stop, she gets dropped
15:08
down in the water and whatever. Well, one of the time she gets
15:10
dropped down, they kind of leave her down for a little bit.
15:13
Well, piranha swarm. So she starts screaming and
15:16
carrying on. You see blood in the water and
15:18
all this happening. And then they show underneath
15:21
her. Of course we see the Puran are
15:23
are biting her and attacking her and she's screaming and
15:25
screaming and the guys on the boat pulling her thinks she's
15:27
just playing it up for the camera because, you know, that's
15:30
hot screaming bloody girl, super hot money shot.
15:33
So the waters turned red. They they realize something's
15:36
going on. They pull her up and from the
15:38
thighs down she's nothing. And that's when the movie stops
15:41
pretending and just goes for chaos.
15:44
Right. So they grab the stranded kids,
15:46
head back out, But Derek's mad they're late to his main party
15:50
event. And Jake warns him there are
15:52
rocks in this area, so they have to be careful.
15:55
And you can see the rocks. They're sticking out from the
15:57
water. It's obviously a very shallow
15:59
part of the lake. And of course, they hit one.
16:01
It's inevitable. So then also, not only do they
16:04
hit a rock? Well, no, actually, they didn't
16:06
hit the rock first. Their propeller got tangled.
16:09
Yeah, their propeller got tangled in some, You know, See,
16:12
is there seaweed in the lake? I don't know, But the boat
16:16
starts. Yeah.
16:17
Lake, weed, Lake. Yeah.
16:18
Lake Weed. Yeah.
16:19
Yeah. So I was like, no, see.
16:21
Yeah. So the guy that is normally the
16:24
cameraman, he's, you know, going back and forth and back and
16:27
forth and back and forth. And they're not getting out and
16:29
they're going nowhere. And Derek is blaming Jake and
16:32
physically goes after him. He's choking him and screaming
16:35
that it's his fault. And then we cut back to the main
16:37
beach party. Now, this is peak spring break
16:40
insanity. There's DJs.
16:42
There's a wet T-shirt contest. Music's blasting.
16:45
Eli Roth is there and he's playing a radio host type guy,
16:48
hyping up the crowd, spraying girls down.
16:50
Everything is boobs and alcohol. Police boats show up telling
16:54
everyone to get out of the water, but of course, nobody's
16:56
listening. So underwater, we see the swarm
16:59
moving through the crowd. It's coming in.
17:01
It's, you know, it's all there through the POV.
17:03
And this movie is in 3D, but you can of course watch it not in
17:07
3D. So there are.
17:10
Yeah, that's what I did too. I forgot to get my handy dandy
17:14
3D glasses. Always keep a spare around.
17:18
You never know when the 80s might come back.
17:20
So there are some shots that are weird looking and you know that
17:25
they are purposely made that way because it's CD, but they
17:29
they're definitely got a weird look to them.
17:31
So these piranha though, they go, there's hundreds and
17:34
hundreds and possibly, you know, thousands or whatever people in
17:38
this lake and the piranha are just swarming through all these
17:42
people. They don't touch a single
17:44
person. For some reason.
17:46
They are targeting this one girl who's sitting in a surround
17:50
circle raft and she's sitting in it.
17:52
So her butt's just in the water. And they're just, that's what
17:55
they're geared towards. For whatever reason.
17:57
They don't care about anybody else at this moment.
17:59
And they, you see them, they go up and they start biting her
18:02
butt and she starts screaming and then you see blood
18:05
everywhere and then everybody's freaking out.
18:06
Now the piranha are starting to eat everybody else and it's just
18:10
absolute crazy chaos after because she falls through the
18:13
tube, bloods everywhere. Everybody's in a panic.
18:16
People are screaming. Boats are plowing through
18:18
swimmers. One guy, he's got a boat, he's
18:21
just charging through swimmers, churning them up behind him,
18:24
making chump or these piranha. The floating stage structure
18:28
starts tipping because everyone is trying to climb on it at
18:30
once. There's gunfire because they're
18:33
trying to shoot these piranha like.
18:35
You doubt That's where I started to lose it.
18:37
So I was like, and he turns into James Bond out of nowhere.
18:43
He like fucking hijacks some dudes jet ski with this shotgun
18:48
and then I'm going to get him 1 fish at a time.
18:51
I'm. Like this is 1 fish at a time.
18:55
You're not. What do you think is?
18:57
Going to happen here. It's going to take forever to
18:59
run out. You know, cops are shooting in
19:00
the water. It doesn't matter.
19:01
There's way too many. Eli Roth's character.
19:03
He's in the water and he's swimming across and he's trying
19:06
to climb up onto a dock. I like what they did with him.
19:09
He didn't get eaten. He wasn't killed by being eaten
19:12
by piranha. He happened to get up on the
19:14
dock and this girl was trying to help him and he's calling her
19:17
all kinds of names, but you know, she's trying her best.
19:19
And then he turned. You can hear this loud motor and
19:22
he turns around and a boat just comes right at his face and
19:24
just, and there he goes. So I did like that they switched
19:27
it up a little bit. Not everybody got eight.
19:29
Well, I'm sure he got 8 later, but not that's not how he died.
19:32
So then Fallon, who was played by Bing Rhames, he jumps into
19:34
the water with a shotgun. He's shooting fish, yelling at
19:37
people to get out when he runs out of bullets, which of course
19:40
he's going to. There's thousands of these
19:43
piranha. He literally rips a motor off a
19:45
boat and starts using the spinning propeller as a weapon.
19:49
And he's just, you know, going back and forth and you can see
19:51
them all churning up and chopped up and blood's going everywhere.
19:54
And parts of fish are going everywhere.
19:56
And you know, he's, while he's doing this, he's still yelling
19:58
at everybody to get out of the water.
19:59
And it works for about maybe 20-30 seconds.
20:02
But then the swarm is just surrounding him and he's keeps
20:05
fighting them with this propeller as they dread.
20:08
They're dragging him under so much as they're eating so much
20:10
of his legs away that he gets smaller and smaller and smaller.
20:15
So now the lakes, you know, completely red.
20:17
And while all that chaos is happening on the main beach,
20:20
Julie, who is there, but she's on the police boat, she gets a
20:24
phone call. It's Jake.
20:26
And this is the moment where he finally admits that he screwed
20:28
up. And he tells her they're on
20:29
Derek's boat and it's sinking. And she doesn't waste time or by
20:33
asking any questions. Somehow she knows exactly where
20:36
it is it's at. Her house, that's.
20:41
Right. Yeah, no kidding.
20:47
She immediately just starts moving and she there just
20:50
happens to be a perfect line of things, A jet ski, a boat,
20:55
floats, whatever that she can just jump across like.
20:59
She's American Ninja Warrior. Fucking yes.
21:02
It was. That's exactly what I thought
21:04
of. So she hurls herself across all
21:07
these things and gets it's on some boat and I'm not really
21:10
sure, I can't remember why she couldn't just take the boat she
21:12
was already on. I don't know.
21:14
I didn't catch that part. I guess it just wasn't as
21:16
exciting. So you need the.
21:18
Core aspect. Yeah, so she gets on the other
21:22
boat. Well, the scientist guy that was
21:24
with her when they when the two other scuba divers went in the
21:29
water, his name is Novak and he's played by Adam Scott.
21:33
And I'm actually kind of surprised at how many big name
21:36
people are in this movie. Him, Elizabeth Shue, who's
21:39
playing the sheriff, Jerry O'Connell.
21:42
There's just a lot of people in this movie.
21:43
I'm like, wow, I can't believe these people are in this movie.
21:45
Bing Rhames What he's like. I'm he pulls up on a jet ski
21:50
beside her and he's like, I'm going with you.
21:53
I don't know how he knew where she was going.
21:56
Where? So they take off towards Jake,
22:00
wherever he is. Meanwhile, back on Derek's boat,
22:03
it's a full disaster movie. The boat is taking on water.
22:06
The lower deck is flooding because they have hit a rock by
22:09
this point. And the boat, the way it's made,
22:11
there's a glass thing at the bottom, like the bottom of the
22:14
boats cut out and they put this glass insert that goes down.
22:17
It's not just a flat piece of glass.
22:19
And that's how they could get pictures of the girls that were
22:21
swimming earlier. They got it through that glass
22:25
thing so. So when they hit a rock, that
22:28
glass broke and the boat starts taking on water.
22:31
So when this happens, when they hit the rock, of course it
22:34
shakes up the boat. Derek and one of the girls are
22:37
out on the top of the boat and they fall off over the side.
22:41
So she's immediately attacked and eaten.
22:44
He panics. He's trying to swim away, but of
22:46
course the swarm turns on him too.
22:48
Then Danny, the girl, the British girl, she tries to help
22:52
pull him up onto the boat. She doesn't manage to get him up
22:56
to where he can grab on to something, and he pulls himself
22:58
up, but from the waist down he's gone.
23:02
So now he's laying there on the deck of the boat.
23:04
Dick looks at him, horrified. And Derek and one of the, I
23:06
don't know, probably the best lines of the whole movie tells
23:10
him they ate my penis. They just.
23:12
Keep saying it 3D Part 2. Right, right.
23:16
Oh, definitely. So he just keeps saying they ate
23:19
my penis. And then the movie actually
23:21
shows underwater to Piranha. And then his penis comes
23:26
floating through and that's very has a very 3D kind of look to
23:30
it. And one of them grabs the penis
23:34
and swims around it for a second and then chews it up and then
23:36
spits it right back out. So yeah, that happens.
23:40
Then Julian Novak finally reached the sinking boat.
23:45
They throw a rope from their boat to Derek's boat so everyone
23:48
can shimmy across. Julie makes it across 1st and
23:51
sees Jake, Danny and the two kids.
23:53
She asks if anyone else is on the boat and Jake tells her
23:56
Kelly's trapped down below deck because Kelly had gotten when
24:00
the boat hit the rock, she hit her head on something and it
24:04
knocked her out and the two little kids were down there with
24:07
her and they happened. They were able to run out and
24:10
get out to the deck and let Jake know that Kelly's down there,
24:13
but she was knocked out. She does become conscious and
24:16
there's this. What the heck would you call
24:18
that thing? There was like a little window
24:19
thing that kind of opened up a little bit.
24:23
Like this? Name for it.
24:24
I can't think what it is, but they couldn't pull that off.
24:29
I feel like it was flimsy. They could have, but they really
24:31
had tried hard enough. They could have broken that
24:33
thing off and she could have crawled through that hole, but
24:35
of course they couldn't. So he tells Julie.
24:39
Yeah, I guess it's a hatch. Yeah, but it's like a love
24:41
having. A computer now to be able to ask
24:43
it while I'm this. You're fucking sick.
24:45
But it's like a little plastic thing, like almost like you
24:47
would like roll it and turn the little thing and it would roll
24:50
up and then he'd come down. But he tells Julie, Kelly's
24:53
track down below deck, she's like, OK, this is what we're
24:56
going to do. Everyone needs to get across 1st
24:58
and then I'll go back for Kelly. So they all start crossing the
25:01
rope at once. Of course, the, you know, we've
25:03
got Danny 1st and then the two kids, then Julie.
25:06
And then Jake is supposed to come after Julie.
25:09
So as they're going across and they're shimmying, here's the
25:11
rope and they're upside down shimmying across the rope.
25:14
And there's four of them on this rope.
25:16
And of course it dips. And the girl, Danny, she has
25:19
this long, long, beautiful hair. It's dragging in the lake and
25:23
the piranha start jumping and they're grabbing at her hair and
25:26
they latch onto her hair and they latch onto her body and the
25:29
rope sinks even more and she gets pulled into the water and
25:32
she's gone. So then the kids are freaking
25:34
out, but Julie is like, just go, go, go.
25:37
So they get across, they make it across to the boat that Novak's
25:40
on. And then Jake, back on the main
25:43
boat, unties the rope and she's freaking.
25:45
Julie's freaking out like, what are you doing?
25:47
And he says they blood right. So he ties the rope around
25:50
himself, grabs Derricks corpse, although he does for a second
25:55
and I can't remember what he says, but he does like he's
25:57
still alive, but then he's dead. And then he throws Derricks body
26:01
into the water on one side of the boat.
26:03
And when all the piranha that were swarming around the outside
26:07
the boat, plus they, the piranha had gotten into the boat because
26:09
the water had gotten high enough to where they were getting
26:12
pretty close to jumping out of the water and grabbing hold of
26:14
Kelly. When he throws the body in, they
26:16
all swarm over to where that body is.
26:18
And that allows him to then go on the other side of the boat,
26:23
swim around, go up under into the broken window thing and get
26:27
inside the flooding, the flooding cabin.
26:31
When he dives in and goes up instead of and I'm not really
26:34
sure why he just didn't go in through the cabin like because
26:38
he was right there on the boat. I don't know why he just didn't
26:40
go down into the cabin. I don't know why he had to go
26:42
outside. I guess, I guess rope reasons.
26:45
I don't know. He's when he gets up there, when
26:48
he is going through, you can see where everything that's in the
26:51
boat and he finds a flare and there's 2 propane tanks just
26:55
happened to be sitting in the cabin.
26:57
He goes over to Kelly. She's like all excited, like I
27:00
thank God you're here. How we getting out of here?
27:02
And he's like, I need you to hold on to me really, really
27:05
tight. And he's got his mom's radio and
27:07
he radios back to the boat and he's like in 10 seconds, which
27:10
actually ends up being probably about 30 seconds.
27:12
But in, you know, movie time is in 10 seconds.
27:16
Floor it and pull us out of there.
27:18
And at that point, I'm thinking you guys are going to bounce all
27:21
over this fucking boat that is not going.
27:22
To be I thought this because when he went down in and back up
27:26
like the the rope is looped now whatever yeah.
27:34
OK. So he's like, I just need you to
27:37
give me a minute. So he goes back to where those
27:39
tanks were and he opens the propane tanks.
27:43
And then he and he, he'd already actually given her the flair and
27:45
had told her attach it to, I think, the radio and to tie it
27:49
up to the radio. Why?
27:51
She's like, OK, she actually asked him why, too.
27:54
And he was like, don't worry about it.
27:56
Yeah. So he Opus propane tanks swims
27:59
back to her. He says, hold on real tight.
28:02
And he's like, he'd already given the countdown for 10
28:04
seconds prior to going over and opening the tanks, by the way.
28:07
And so they go down. He's like, hold your breath.
28:10
They go down, they swim out and they swim out.
28:13
And they're now in front of the boat just waiting for them to
28:17
pull them after they get down. They need the countdown.
28:19
Honestly, all the time that it took, they could have just swam
28:22
to the boat. Because of course, as movies,
28:25
horror movies go, the boat wasn't starting and he couldn't
28:28
turn over the engine. So he's like trying to turn over
28:30
there and trying to turn and he's like, shit, shit.
28:32
And it's forever. I don't know why the piranha
28:35
haven't figured out they're there yet.
28:36
They should have eaten through Derek by now.
28:39
But you know, suspension of belief the way horror movies can
28:43
be. So of course the piranha are
28:45
starting to figure out where they are and they start coming
28:48
towards them. They're getting really, really
28:49
close. And the second they're almost at
28:51
him, it gets the engine to turn over.
28:54
Just at the second the front are almost at them and they take
28:57
off. And as soon as they take off,
28:59
the boat explodes. So all of that happens at one
29:02
time though they're and they're flooring it and the two of them
29:05
are underwater, right? And you know, this has got to
29:09
hurt because when you have that much water hitting you, I don't
29:12
know how they're holding their breath that whole time.
29:14
It takes a while and I don't understand why they had to blow
29:17
up the boat. Like they just need to just
29:19
scoot out of there and get out. I just need to get to.
29:23
Blow up the boat. I don't know, unless his plan
29:27
was blowing up the boat, which it did, was going to kill all
29:29
the piranha, but of course it's only going to kill the piranha
29:32
that are there. They act like they killed the
29:34
piranha of the whole boat. Yeah.
29:36
No, I mean, that was that was exactly my.
29:37
I was like, I just made hell. You didn't have to do all that.
29:40
You just need to get. Right.
29:41
And you can't blow up. That little boat explosion isn't
29:45
going to clear out every single piranha in the whole lake.
29:48
It's just right there. So they get them up on the boat.
29:53
You know, there's a huge fireball piranha raining down
29:57
around them. They get far enough away and
30:00
stop and let the kids back up on the boat and now the lake is
30:04
covered and floating dead fish. So they think, oh, we did it.
30:08
We killed all the fish. Funny thing, no other fish
30:10
floated to the top. They should have killed all the
30:13
fish in the area, not just the piranha.
30:15
Maybe the piranha has ate all the others.
30:17
That's what I'm saying. Unless the piranha ate all the
30:18
other fish. So they're, you know, all in the
30:22
boat. They're exhausted, but they all
30:24
feel like it's over. Then Julie gets a phone call
30:26
from Carl Goodman, the fish expert, and he says and he's
30:32
worried because he's like, I've got some bad news.
30:34
She looks at the lake full of dead fish and says, well, I'm
30:37
looking at a lake full of dead piranha right now, so I'm
30:40
feeling pretty good. And he tells her the one they
30:43
brought to him didn't have mature reproductive organs.
30:47
And they're like, well, what does that mean?
30:48
And he says, you killed the babies.
30:51
Those are just the babies. So then Novak, who's staying
30:54
there on the boat, he's like the babies, Then where are the
30:57
parents? And right on cue, giant
31:00
humongous piranha jumps out of the water over the boat, grabs
31:04
him and takes him into the water.
31:06
And we're guessing he's a goner. And then we cut to black.
31:10
So. And of course, I'm guessing
31:11
that's a setup for maybe Piranha 3D2.
31:17
It's it's actually called 3 Double D.
31:20
Yeah, there is a 3 double D, yeah.
31:23
All. Right.
31:27
So Christopher, what are your thoughts on that movie?
31:30
I thought it was entertaining and definitely a light hearted
31:35
horror film. Something not to be taken super
31:38
serious, just to kind of chuckle out.
31:40
Right. Yeah.
31:41
I mean, it wasn't like it was, you know, Oscar Contender, of
31:44
course. There was there was apparently
31:47
there was a petition to like get it to recognize for some awards.
31:51
And I was like. But.
31:56
Kind of fun. And you were right.
31:57
There were a bunch of people that were like in it and you
31:59
were like, wow, they got some big names to roll on through
32:02
this movie. Yeah, I mean, I know that, you
32:05
know, a lot of times actors, they they like to do a variety
32:08
of characters and you don't want to be pigeon holed into one type
32:12
of character. When I saw Ving Raines in this
32:14
movie, I was like, really? Marcellus Wallace, and now
32:18
you're doing this? Come on now.
32:22
But it was probably. Lasting person was if he just
32:25
like had a bunch of buddy. Yeah, maybe.
32:27
But at the same time, it's probably also one of those
32:30
movies that even though it was cheesy and it was whatever, it
32:32
was probably just a fun thing to do.
32:34
Like, what the heck? You know, that kind of that kind
32:36
of thing. And I feel like when it was
32:39
made, it was made in 2010. I feel like the 3D thing and
32:46
like the IMAX thing was a big, I feel like it was back then.
32:51
I don't know. I remember because, you know,
32:53
I'm a Gen. Xer.
32:54
So I was born in the 70s and I grew up during the 80s and 3D
32:59
was huge during the 80s. I don't remember it being super
33:03
huge later on, but there were a few movies that did use the 3D
33:08
thing for whatever reason. I don't know why, but you don't
33:13
get a whole lot of them anymore. Not like like you used to in the
33:15
80s. Yeah, Google says 50s, eighties
33:20
and then early 2010. OK, so I guess it was a big deal
33:25
back in the 20 tens. Interesting.
33:28
Yeah. Fun, fun time.
33:30
How many cents would you give this movie?
33:32
None man, probably like I want to be nice on my first one.
33:40
I'll give it. I'll give it 4.
33:42
OK, four cents. Yeah, that that makes sense.
33:44
So for me, for this movie, I, and I've mentioned this on other
33:51
podcasts that I've done, the ones that I did with Dan, I love
33:55
a good cheesy shark movie or any kind of cheesy animal movie
34:01
really. Like, you know, they have all
34:03
kinds of, you know, crazy animal horror movies, alligators, you
34:06
know, stuff like snakes, whatever.
34:08
I kind of really like the cheesy movies like this where
34:12
everything is crazy and chaotic. And this movie also to me was
34:17
almost like a disaster movie to some extent.
34:20
And I love a disaster movie. Like I loved Towering Inferno, I
34:26
loved Poseidon Adventure and I watched they did a remake of
34:30
design Adventure, which I watched that one as well.
34:32
But there's just something Titanic.
34:34
I love just a good disaster movie.
34:36
Like everything's falling apart and people are trying to get out
34:39
and do whatever. So this kind of had that feel to
34:41
it as well. So I kind of like that is it,
34:44
you know, it's a fun like if I'm flipping the channels or
34:47
whatever and it just happens to be on and it's near like the
34:50
middle, I might leave it on and let it keep going and it's a no
34:53
brainer. It's a non thinking movie.
34:54
So we just don't really want to pay attention to it.
34:57
That's one of those kind of movies where you can kind of
34:59
have it on the background and do other stuff, but still kind of
35:02
TuneIn every once in a while. But I would probably also give
35:04
this. I'd probably get 4, four and a
35:06
half cents. I will say though, because I do
35:08
have some background stuff on this movie.
35:12
The whole Jaws thing in the opening did purposely,
35:15
intentionally design it as a meta kind of joke.
35:18
He's supposedly not technically not playing Matt Hooper, but
35:22
let's be honest, he was. It had the same vibe, same
35:25
energy, the song, he was wearing the same clothes.
35:28
But the film makers did want the audience to immediately
35:31
understand that this movie knows exactly what it is.
35:34
It's not trying to hide the inspiration and the director,
35:38
Alexandra Alexander, Aha or Asha, I'm not sure how to say
35:41
it. He's actually known for darker
35:43
horror like High Tension and the Hills Have Eyes remake, so it's
35:47
interesting that he leaned so hard into this kind of over the
35:49
top creature feature that this was.
35:52
And I will give this movie for credit for this.
35:54
Most of the gore in this movie is practical effects.
35:57
It's not CGI, not computer generated.
36:00
It was a massive spring break massacre scene that took weeks
36:04
to film and involved hundreds of extras, prosthetics, fake limbs
36:08
and water rigs. So as chaotic as it looks, it
36:11
was apparently a very carefully choreographed chaos, which I
36:14
thought was kind of cool because you don't get a lot of that
36:16
anymore where it's just it's they're really doing it, you
36:20
know? And then Christopher Lloyd, him
36:22
being cast as the eccentric fish expert was intentional too.
36:26
They wanted that slightly unhinged scientist energy basic
36:31
the basically they'll let me explain the plot guy, but he's
36:35
does it in that Christopher Lloyd way.
36:38
And I guess I do have it here in my notes.
36:40
It's been 4 weeks since I've watched this movie and put this
36:43
script together so I guess I forgot but I have it in my
36:46
notes. This movie came out during the
36:48
big 3D boom after Avatar Was Avatar 3D was it?
36:51
I've seen Avatar, I don't remember it being 3.
36:53
DI don't know either. All right, it's in your notes.
36:58
It is in my notes. So.
37:00
But yeah, so all those body parts and fish flying directly
37:02
at the screen were designed as the 3D gimmick for the audience.
37:05
And yes, the the ate my penis scene was done with practical
37:09
effects. That was a floating gag prop.
37:12
It was a real thing in the water.
37:13
So I thought that was kind of funny.
37:16
All right, so do you have anything you else you'd like to
37:18
add to this movie or what you think about this movie?
37:20
Nope. It was cool.
37:21
It was fun time. What's the next movie?
37:23
Did we announce that or? We're about to get into that.
37:26
All right, so that was Piranha 3D spring break, bad decisions
37:29
and more floating body parts than anyone asked for.
37:32
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you're following us on
37:35
your favorite podcast platform and now on YouTube.
37:38
Since we've officially joined the you can see our facial
37:40
expressions era. Christopher, welcome to the
37:43
madness. Next week, we're sticking with
37:45
our spring break broken bodies theme, but we're trading bikinis
37:48
and boats for something a little more grounded.
37:51
Christopher's pick is the ruin. So instead of prehistoric, Yeah,
37:56
it's been a while. It's been like 3 weeks since
37:59
I've seen this movie, so I'm gonna have to watch it again.
38:02
So instead of prehistoric fish chewing through tourists, we'll
38:05
be watching plants politely ruin everyone's vacation.
38:09
Different ecosystems, same poor choices.
38:12
Until then, be scared, be prepared, and don't get caught
38:16
in the dark.