Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 191. Cheating, Lies & Betrayal: When Love Turned Into My Lesson

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191. Cheating, Lies & Betrayal: When Love Turned Into My Lesson · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appolgie production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: I need your advice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened? Promise it won't be too much.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment, Girl, this is the place
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: for you.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to She Rises, another bestie segment
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: in today's one. It's a little bit heartbreaking, So we're
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: going to come in and give out honest best advice,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: just as if one of us was going through this
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: exact same situation. So what if for good?
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Absolutely let's take it away, shall we? Hey? Queens need
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: some help navigating? Just been told that I've been led
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: to you for months and he's been sleeping with his ex.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: What do I do? How do I move on? I'm
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: feeling really hurt and really sad and really feel like
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: I need to level up and move on, but I'm
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: feeling so disappointed. I really thought he was my person.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Please tell me what do I do?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Risha with more context because she's still seeing him, has
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: she broken it off and she's moving on now considering
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: taking him back? Like, there's not a lot of context.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: If anyone is bringing anything in the bestI segment, the
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: more details you give us the better, because we give
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: more solid advice. Absolutely, you kind of have to assume
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: that you've left, or assume that you're considering taking him back.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I think she's still there. Yeah, not sure what I
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: do if she hasn't decided yet.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, if it was me, i'd be out of there.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: It's one of the biggest forms of betrayal, was one cheating.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: The trust is broken, there's cracks in the relationship. He
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: obviously still has feelings attraction connection with his ex. That
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: chapter hasn't been closed. Yeah, So for me, it's that's
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: like an immediate done so, no brainer, it's it. Yeah,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't even consider it.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I agree, he's showing you where he's feelings still lie. Yeah,
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: because it's one thing to be in a new relationship
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: and be like, oh, like, of course I still have
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: love for my ex because we shared time together, versus
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go back and do the physical act
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: of being intimate together. That's a whole other kettle of fish.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: By the sounds of the message, I don't think it's
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: just been one time, so there's probably an emotional connection
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: of texting, of calling, of meeting up, and then the
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: con decision over and over it to be intimate with
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: this person. Yes, there's so many levels of trust broken
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: For me. I just know myself if my partner was
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: to cheat to that extent, I would never truly get
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: over it, and so I'd always be like throwing it
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: back in their face, or I'd always be like, well,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: where he actually going? Can I see your phone? Like
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: did you go there? Why are you late? I feel
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: it would just play on my mind so much.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: I feel like I would punish him, yes, like not
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: mean to, but because I didn't feel fully safe. I
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: think that I would throw little digs at him, or
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I would find myself saying things not very nicely, or
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: because I was holding all this pain but I was
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: trying to pretend like the relationship was still good. And
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: I think that in itself would break down the relationship
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: and just it's hard to come back from that level
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: of betrayal.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: It is, and then it makes you question yourself, your
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: self worth, Why do you do this and mine not enough?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Am I not good enough? I'm not pretty enough? Don't
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: do something wrong in the relationship. Then this is an
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: opportunity for you to take the time to heal yourself
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and know that this wasn't about you.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, Yeah, absolutely, honestly, I would leave you
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: can start fresh. And I just truly believe that, even
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: though it's not may not be him, there are so
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: many men who would be willing to worship the ground
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: that you walk on and respect you in the way
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: that you deserve to be respected, and also value loyalty
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: in the way that you value. Yes here because obviously
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: this is something that he's been willing to break in
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: the relationship and to go back to a place where
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: he once felt comfortable. And I just think like, because
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: the ties aren't fully broken with his ex, it's like
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: that for me feels so icky.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: It's like want to be second best, you know, or
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: your fallback option.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: No, and there was obviously a life that he lived
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: before you with this woman, and it's obviously not done,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: and that is something that I will never want to
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: get in the middle of. If that happened to me
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: and someone showed me like I'm still in love with
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: my ex, I'm amazing. You know what, You go sort
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: that out with her, but this is not going to
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: involve me. Yeah.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Something we joke about with you is like, say, if
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: you're talking to a man and he does something, you're
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: like Oh, my husband wouldn't do this? Oh? Absolutely, Think
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: about the man that you want to marry and spend
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: the rest of your life with. Is this his kind
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: of behavior? No, you had a daughter, would you want
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: her putting up with this? Hell? No, absolutely not. If
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: your best friend was in the situation, I always say,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: you wouldn't encourage him, be like, oh my god, stay babe,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: He's just made a little mistake. He didn't mean it.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I mean because Dick accidentally slipped inside, didn't know what
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I was doing. Sorry, I tripped.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: Sorry I was blindfolded and couldn't see.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: She forced me. Yeah, I was a victim in this.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Let no, consciously made that decision. And he's showing you
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: where he's at and the feelings he has for his
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: X and how much he didn't doesn't respect or consider
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: how this would impact you, Consider how this would make
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: you feel, and consider the damage that it does to
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: your potential future relationship. May have had to go.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: And you know what this shows me as well? This
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: shows me like a lack of self control. Yeah, because
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: he went to go Yeah, absolutely, because he was willing
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: to go back to that place and had no regard
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: for the consequences of his actions that to me shows character.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, and if you were to stay, you're kind
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: of saying like, it's okay, yeah, well I enable this behavior.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like you don't necessarily have consequences for this, So
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: if it were to happen again for whatever reason, he
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: would almost invite that because you're not saying to him,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: this actually doesn't stand for me. This is a non negotiable,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: like cheating is my limit. This is my line where
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I throw in the towel. Yeah. He'll then go, Okay, well,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: she forgave me for that, she'll forgive me for everything
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: else too. Yeah.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: And it really does come back to that self worth
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: because you think of a woman that really values herself
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: if something of someone you admire that just has so
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: much self worth, like, would you put up with that?
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Definitely not. You know that you're worthy of being treated right,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: And that's not okay.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I love the point that you brought up of what
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: we talk about of like my future husband would never
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: because I do think about this when I'm dating and
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: if there's anybody who comes into my life.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: We just had a conversation about this morning. This is
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: literally this morning's conversation.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Like I do think about him, like, my husband would
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: never be this inconsiderate.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, my husband.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: Would never even think that cheating was remotely okay or
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: deceiving me in this way. It wouldn't even be a
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: thought in his mind because he would be considerate of me.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: He'd be respectful, he'd think about my feelings, he'd think
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: about the way that his actions make me feel. He'd
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: naturally just have that urge to want to be considerate.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: He also doesn't want you to do that to him,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: so he's behaving in a way that he expects to
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: be treated as well. It's like you're both in the
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: same page. Yeah, both value integrity. Yeah, you have the
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: same morals and you want to treat each other with respect. Yeah,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: it goes both ways. It's not just one sided.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: It's not I'm setting these high expectations because I expect
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: you to be this way. But I can do whatever
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I want and I can be No, it's like you're
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: meeting him in the exact same behavior you're expecting of him,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: and I would question and i'd be curious to know
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: your level of loyalty. You'd be all in on the relationship,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: and if that is true, you're allowed to expect that
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: of him too, and you're not wrong for wanting that.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: And you will find someone to com meet you there
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: as well. Absolutely, for a lot of people, it's just
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: the bare minimum, Like it's not even a even a.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Thought, you know.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's our advice. If we're in this situation,
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: we'd be telling you, oh my gosh, get out of there. Honestly,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I'm going to take you.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Literally, the conversation would literally be like us sitting
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: in the car having coffee or something, being like, babe,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: you deserve so much more. Yeah, as she has once
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: said to me, babe, you are deserving of so much
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: more than this, And there would literally be a man
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: who is actually going to be worth your time and
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: worth deserving of love and intentionality that you bring in
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: a relationship. Please don't settle for that.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, amen, backdrop, Yeah, give us an update. You've
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: got this. You're worth so much more.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: We're so sorry that this has happened. All he has
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: to go through this because betrayal is a really hard
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: thing to overcome.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I can't even imagine and like the exit even, I
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: feel like that it's even worse than a stranger. I
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: Such a terrible feeling. But also I actually think this
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: is going to sound really weird. I don't know if
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: you will agree as well, but I think it's less worse. Yeah,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: because with this, I feel like it's easier to emotionally detach. True,
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: because when I think of this situation, I think of
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: my ex partners. They've already built a history before me
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: that was something out of my control. Yeah, okay, cool,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: if you're still there, that's fine. I feel like I
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: have compassion for that where I'm like, you know what,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: if you want to go there and you want to
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: work that out, please go do that, Like, if that's
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: your happiness, please go back there.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Just let me go.
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: When I feel like it's someone random or like and
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: you've been building a relationship and he just decided it
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: was some random chick that he just self control and
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: needed to sleep with, that I find offensive because I'm like, wow,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: you literally like self control and have no self disciple.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: And then if it's over and over again, it's a
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: conscious choice making right every time he's texting, calling, meeting up,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: taking her clothes off, taking his clothes off, putting a
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: condom on, Like there's so many steps where you can
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: pull out and go this isn't right absolutely, and he's
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: decided that it is right for him in that moment selfishly. Yeah,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: no thanks.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: And again you know what, like, we don't judge anyone.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: We know that humans are make mistakes. Yeah, people do
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: whatever is in the best interest of themselves.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: We get that.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: We can be neutral to that. But also, it doesn't
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: mean you have to stand for it, put up with it,
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: and you don't have to allow it in your life
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: just because somebody is choosing that behavior.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: You can have boundaries and standards.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Yep, for sure.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Give us an update, girlfriend, sending you lots of love,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: lots of love. Bye guys, Bye,