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Always the Bridesmaid (paying), Never the Bride · She's On The Money

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Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
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Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before
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Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
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Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
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Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
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Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
0:22
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
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Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
0:30
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 2: Let's get into it. She's on the Money.
0:36
Speaker 3: She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
1:00
Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. Today's Friday, which means
1:04
Speaker 2: it is time to get the team together and celebrate
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Speaker 2: you how incredible She's on the Money community. Today, we're
1:10
Speaker 2: going to be sharing our favorite money wins. We're going
1:12
Speaker 2: to talk about International Women's Day. We're also going to
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Speaker 2: be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this
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Speaker 2: week is all about how to set yourself up financially
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Speaker 2: for a divorce. And we're going to unpack something for
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Speaker 2: slid into my dams, then made it to my TikTok,
1:25
Speaker 2: made it to the Instagram reels, which this week is
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Speaker 2: all about bridesmaids and who should be paying for what?
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Speaker 2: But before we get there, miss Jessica Ricci, what are
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Speaker 2: you most excited about this week International Women's Day? Are
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Speaker 2: you actually excited?
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Speaker 3: I'm so excited because people don't realize I think how
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Speaker 3: long it takes us to work on something right. For
1:43
Speaker 3: the background, We've been playing for this twelve months, literally
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Speaker 3: since International Women'sday last year finished.
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Speaker 2: It's so bad, like it's all we talk about in
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Speaker 2: the background. But I'm so excited about it, I know.
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Speaker 3: And this week we announced all of the guests for
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Speaker 3: all four of the cities, which we have been absolutely
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Speaker 3: dying to share with every.
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Speaker 2: For cities, which is absolutely wild And I'm genuinely so
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Speaker 2: excited because, as you said before, we do so much
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Speaker 2: planning in the background to make the most of IWD,
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Speaker 2: and I feel like we did a pretty good job
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Speaker 2: of it last year. But guess what, we only did
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Speaker 2: that in three months. Now We've got twelve months as
2:16
Speaker 2: a lead time, so pressures on for the team. It
2:19
Speaker 2: has to be bigger, it has to be better and
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Speaker 2: we couldn't be more grateful because our friends and the
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Speaker 2: incredible team at Chasea's this year are helping us bring
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Speaker 2: it to life. As you guys know, we have doubled
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Speaker 2: the number of cities we're able to visit this year,
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Speaker 2: so we'll be heading to Melbourne City, Brisbane and Perth.
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Speaker 2: And given the event is all about celebrating and empowering women,
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Speaker 2: we are so proud to be able to work with
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Speaker 2: partners like Chasea's who genuinely embody the same values as
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Speaker 2: She's on the money. And guess what we've got our
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Speaker 2: fingers crossed because a little bird told me Jessica, one
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Speaker 2: of their powerhouse CEOs Brook Roberts, might just be joining
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Speaker 2: us for the events.
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Speaker 3: I'm so excited. She's the coolest person ever. You've hung
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Speaker 3: out with her quite a bit. I am obsessed with her.
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Speaker 3: Guess what had to hang out with her? And just
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Speaker 3: Cinda r Dern in the same.
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Speaker 2: Room, like Mike drop dream that you look really excited,
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Speaker 2: so excited you just threw your hands in the air
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Speaker 2: when silent I did.
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Speaker 4: I didn't know ifel was laud to talk yet, Hello everybody,
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Speaker 4: and that.
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Speaker 2: Sounds so exciting. Is actually so exciting I get to
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Speaker 2: go to Perth, Like, how wild is that? I remember
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Speaker 2: last year when we were planning it, Jess, We're talking
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Speaker 2: about where we could go and what that would look like,
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Speaker 2: and we just did Melbourne and Sydney because that was
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Speaker 2: like for us the easiest because I operated out of
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Speaker 2: Sydney a lot. And I was like, I know it.
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Speaker 2: They're like, you know it was pushing the budget. I
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Speaker 2: said to the girls. I was like, oh, I'll probably
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Speaker 2: be a few years before we're able to get all
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Speaker 2: the way over to Perth, like your build will build.
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Speaker 2: Guess where we're going this year? Perth?
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Speaker 3: That is wild to me and person being kicking off
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Speaker 3: for it. You guys have the highest ticket sale, not
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Speaker 3: that it's a competition, is leaning the way, which is
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Speaker 3: really really cool. West super pumped to get out there.
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Speaker 3: What are you most excited for back, I'm really excited.
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Speaker 4: To actually leave Melbourne.
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Speaker 2: This is so exciting. Maybe just hear through the free ticks.
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Speaker 5: I really am And I don't know if it's obvious yet,
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Speaker 5: but I have obviously no financial knowledge, so I really
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Speaker 5: am here for the travel path.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're a woman and you want to be empowered.
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Speaker 2: I do want to be empowered and experience. Speaking of
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Speaker 2: empowered women, miss JESSICRICI, can you take us through our
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Speaker 2: community money wins this week?
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Speaker 3: Absolutely, I can. I've got some really good ones for
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Speaker 3: you this week, guys. My first one comes from Lauren
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Speaker 3: who said another money win, which is actually a fortnightly win,
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Speaker 3: is using funky food to.
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Speaker 2: Buy our veggies. It's Ony Food.
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Speaker 3: I pick this win because I loved the name. It's
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Speaker 3: forty two dollars for the box and it has expensive
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Speaker 3: stuff like ginger and garlic. I also share the extras
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Speaker 3: I get with my in laws. It's for the Brisbane
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Speaker 3: area only, but it saves us money and it means
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Speaker 3: we don't buy extra fruit or vege except for maybe
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Speaker 3: stuff like lemon. So I think it's a box where
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Speaker 3: you get the like mismatched fruit. You know, you sometimes
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Speaker 3: get ugly food. So it's like a box of that
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Speaker 3: that stuff that maybe the supermarkets wouldn't take because it's
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Speaker 3: not esthetically pleasing, but it's still delicious and that's what
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Speaker 3: its for.
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Speaker 2: Box.
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Speaker 4: How good is that?
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Speaker 1: Yeah?
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Speaker 5: And you'll probably get the in there that you'd never
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Speaker 5: think to even buy it like a custard apple or
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Speaker 5: something like that.
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Speaker 2: I love cust apples. Actually, what is it.
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Speaker 4: I've never actually bought one.
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Speaker 2: It's an apple that tastes like custard. They're kind of.
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Speaker 3: Texturally sort of like a peach, like a peach. Yeah,
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Speaker 3: this is where I thought this was.
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Speaker 2: I thought it was.
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Speaker 3: Actually I thought costed apples or the soft ones, aren't they?
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Speaker 2: I think they are?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, so like kind of maybe I'm anyway maybe right.
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Speaker 2: Along when hold on, no, no, we going back to this.
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Speaker 2: When you said funky fruit, I was like, oh, is
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Speaker 2: it like a little bit off? But then I remember
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Speaker 2: then recently I have been buying the odd bunch so
5:35
Speaker 2: at the supermarket they do like these big bags of
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Speaker 2: limes and stuff, and they're like eight bucks. And it's
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Speaker 2: actually so much more cost efficient to be buying the
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Speaker 2: odd bunch of things because they don't look one hundred
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Speaker 2: percent right, but they are like they might just have
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Speaker 2: a mark, or they might just be all lumped together,
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Speaker 2: and I don't mind. I'm just putting one and tea
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Speaker 2: over here so they don't squish it anyway, tastes delicious
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Speaker 2: no matter what shape it is. The next win that
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Speaker 2: I have comes from Dosy Dosy, who said I wanted
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Speaker 2: to buy the first she's on the money book and
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Speaker 2: I finally decided to buy it, and I only paid
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Speaker 2: nine dollars nine dollars.
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Speaker 3: I used my ten dollars fly buyers dollars to pay
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Speaker 3: for the remaining amount. Money Win is I have not
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Speaker 3: only saved money, but I'm going to kick my money
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Speaker 3: goals in twenty twenty three.
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Speaker 2: Yes, you absolutely are. I love that win very wholesome.
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Speaker 3: Next one is from Kayler, who said money Win, I've
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Speaker 3: made the decisions stop getting my nails done professionally. I
6:27
Speaker 3: love getting my nails done and it has been thirteen
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Speaker 3: hundred dollars per annum for the past eight years. Wow,
6:35
Speaker 3: quick maths on that. Anybody that's over ten thousand dollars, Yeah,
6:38
Speaker 3: that's a lot of money. That is a lot of money.
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Speaker 2: We've been doing our nails from home for a while now,
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Speaker 2: and you're pretty good at it.
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Speaker 3: Don't look at my one finger, no polish on it
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Speaker 3: right now. But it does save so much money. And
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Speaker 3: Kayla said, I was influenced to purchase a nail kit
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Speaker 3: on Instagram during the Black Friday sales. It was around
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Speaker 3: two hundred dollars and it claims to give you around
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Speaker 3: forty cents, averaging at five dollars percent. So every year
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Speaker 3: I'm going to save one thy two hundred and fifty dollars.
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Speaker 2: See that's really good. And I really like actually doing
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Speaker 2: my nails now. I've gotten into the groove of it.
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Speaker 2: It's like a really nice self care activity that I
7:07
Speaker 2: do in front of the TV. Yeah, yes, it does
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Speaker 2: take me much longer than it does. It is so
7:12
Speaker 2: satisfying clipping your own cuticles.
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Speaker 3: And you can buy cute stickers if you're not very
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Speaker 3: good at nail art, because that's me, Like, I'm not
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Speaker 3: doing fancy things. We're just painting the polish on. You
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Speaker 3: can buy stickers and then it looks like you did
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Speaker 3: a good job when really we just.
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Speaker 2: Stuck it on the amount of people to compliment me
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Speaker 2: or my nail stickers. They're like love yourn mail art,
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Speaker 2: and I just smile and nod taking that credit.
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Speaker 3: Next win that I have comes from it, Debbie, she said,
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Speaker 3: tiny unexpected money win. I started my application for a
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Speaker 3: new passport a month ago. I went to the post
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Speaker 3: office today, the last day before the application expired, to
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Speaker 3: finish off the process. Passport fees actually have increased since
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Speaker 3: the first of January.
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Speaker 2: What hasn't increased since the first of January cost of.
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Speaker 3: Living or cozy living cozy something I heard someone called
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Speaker 3: on TikTok cozy living. Yeah, rough, because I'm millennial, I know,
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Speaker 3: Debbie said, But because I started the application last year,
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Speaker 3: I still pay the old feed.
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Speaker 2: Oh money win.
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Speaker 3: So that's big win. And anyone who's look at getting
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Speaker 3: a passport.
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Speaker 2: Should have done that last year.
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Speaker 3: Literally last week that I have today comes from Karen,
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Speaker 3: who said, I've been paying an amount fortnightly towards my utilities,
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Speaker 3: and I got the best charged this month. It was
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Speaker 3: only eight dollars and twenty four cents. Hey you because
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Speaker 3: she broke the cost down. She's just been paying it
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Speaker 3: off over time, and then all she had left to
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Speaker 3: pay was eight bucks.
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Speaker 2: Money win. I love that, and I loved all of
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Speaker 2: those money wins. Let's go to a quick break. But
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Speaker 2: on the other side of the break, we're going to
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Speaker 2: talk about how to set yourself up financially for a divorce.
8:31
Speaker 2: We're also going to be talking about the spicy topic
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Speaker 2: of who should be paying fore bridesmaid's dresses. So don't
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Speaker 2: go anywhere. Guys, it's going to be a good one.
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Speaker 3: Welcome back everybody. I feel like we all know what
8:45
Speaker 3: it's time for money dilemma.
8:48
Speaker 2: Let's get into it. Hi, there, have you got a
8:52
Speaker 2: money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the
8:55
Speaker 2: Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle
8:58
Speaker 2: your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most
9:00
Speaker 2: burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply
9:04
Speaker 2: head to our website and leave us a short voice
9:06
Speaker 2: recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now,
9:09
Speaker 2: let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
9:13
Speaker 6: Hi, my name is Tina, and I am wondering about
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Speaker 6: how do you financially go about setting yourself up after
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Speaker 6: separation and divorce? Like pay your bills, pay the rents
9:31
Speaker 6: for yourself? How you do that by yourself? Again? Like,
9:35
Speaker 6: how do you get in the mindset of like being
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Speaker 6: financially independent from miss spouse's income.
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Speaker 2: I feel like this one is something that we don't
9:45
Speaker 2: talk about enough. We always talk about preparing to go
9:49
Speaker 2: into a divorce. We always talk about, you know, having
9:52
Speaker 2: an emergency fund and making sure it's there, But life
9:55
Speaker 2: changes so significantly when you go from having a double
9:58
Speaker 2: income and you and your partner are paying for things
10:01
Speaker 2: to it all being on your shoulders and all being
10:04
Speaker 2: your responsibility. And I think that that actually does require
10:08
Speaker 2: a completely different setup. I do think you need to
10:10
Speaker 2: kind of wipe the budget clean, per se and then
10:13
Speaker 2: go back to the drawing board, because money just doesn't
10:16
Speaker 2: come out of nowhere when you go through a divorce,
10:18
Speaker 2: like you actually have to find it and budget for it,
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Speaker 2: and things that you could previously afford unfortunately might become
10:24
Speaker 2: a little bit of a luxury, especially in the first
10:26
Speaker 2: twelve months while you're finding your feet. Jess, how would
10:29
Speaker 2: you deal if you went down to one income all
10:32
Speaker 2: of a sudden.
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Speaker 3: I feel like it's a really big lifestyle shift, kind
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Speaker 3: of on two fronts. Like you're obviously adjusting to living
10:39
Speaker 3: your life without this person who theoretically you've been really
10:43
Speaker 3: heavily intertwined with for however long you know, maybe you
10:46
Speaker 3: have kids, or you have pets, or you had a house,
10:48
Speaker 3: or on some level you have shared responsibilities. But then
10:51
Speaker 3: also you have double the income, or you have two
10:54
Speaker 3: streams of income at least, and now you're going down
10:57
Speaker 3: to one. So it means that you're probably going to
10:59
Speaker 3: be grappling with. Firstly, I guess all of the emotional
11:03
Speaker 3: stuff that comes with a divorce, which I don't want
11:05
Speaker 3: to gloss over too quickly because I think it is
11:08
Speaker 3: just as impactful to somebody as the financial side of things.
11:11
Speaker 3: But then you're also having to adjust to the facts
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Speaker 3: that maybe you can't afford to get your nails done
11:16
Speaker 3: every couple of weeks now, or maybe you can't afford
11:18
Speaker 3: to go on a holiday every year now because before,
11:21
Speaker 3: when you had those two incomes, you had more room,
11:23
Speaker 3: whereas now that it's just you and I believe our
11:25
Speaker 3: listener said she.
11:26
Speaker 2: Had kids, Yeah, it's hard.
11:28
Speaker 3: That's a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. And I
11:30
Speaker 3: mean we don't know the semantics of her. Is their
11:32
Speaker 3: child support or is their SHEHD custody? You know, all
11:34
Speaker 3: of those things are going to those factor in. But
11:36
Speaker 3: I feel like, as you said, starting from scratch and
11:39
Speaker 3: going what have I got coming in and just focusing
11:42
Speaker 3: on what you're doing rather than what you're now X
11:46
Speaker 3: may or may not be contributing, is probably helpful because
11:49
Speaker 3: I feel like you can only focus on the factors
11:51
Speaker 3: that you can control, right, Yeah, And.
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Speaker 2: It can be really stressful because, as you said before,
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Speaker 2: it's a lifestyle shift as much as it's a you know,
11:59
Speaker 2: something that you've got to get used to. It's not
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Speaker 2: just an increase in bills. It's like, well, where is
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Speaker 2: that double going to come from? What do you reckon?
12:06
Speaker 2: What if you broke up with a partner, how would
12:08
Speaker 2: you deal with doubling the expenses? Where would you begin?
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Speaker 4: Oh God, I don't even know.
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Speaker 5: I know that, like, as someone who is living in
12:15
Speaker 5: a single income household, I kind of just know already
12:20
Speaker 5: that I probably won't be able to afford to buy
12:23
Speaker 5: a house in the future or buy an apartment, like
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Speaker 5: maybe I could, but it just seems a lot more
12:27
Speaker 5: hard and so far out of my reach. So I
12:31
Speaker 5: feel like if I wasn't a place where I was
12:33
Speaker 5: living with someone we had shared expenses to incomes, and
12:37
Speaker 5: then we separated, I feel like now I'm fully equipped
12:41
Speaker 5: for that kind of lifestyle. But then again, I don't
12:44
Speaker 5: know what it's like to have children have these shared
12:46
Speaker 5: responsibilities and have I don't know, maybe they like own
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Speaker 5: a house or rent a large house together.
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Speaker 4: That would just be so difficult. Where do you even
12:53
Speaker 4: start to untangle that you know.
12:55
Speaker 2: I also think it's a little bit about goal resetting
12:58
Speaker 2: as well, because you know, before you said beck like
13:01
Speaker 2: at this point in my life, like, I'm not sure
13:03
Speaker 2: buying a property makes sense to me. But if you
13:05
Speaker 2: found a partner and then you guys go, oh, well,
13:07
Speaker 2: actually we can now afford it, and you're working towards
13:10
Speaker 2: this goal and you fall in love with this goal
13:12
Speaker 2: and get so excited about it, then you don't have
13:15
Speaker 2: a partner anymore. That reality shift is also a lot
13:18
Speaker 2: to swallow. I think, and I don't think we talk about,
13:21
Speaker 2: you know, the disappointment of not having your expected reality happen,
13:27
Speaker 2: even if it hadn't happened already, like you might not
13:29
Speaker 2: have bought the house, but you were working towards it.
13:31
Speaker 2: Now you only have half the savings and it's actually
13:33
Speaker 2: not a reality in the future for you. I think
13:36
Speaker 2: often that can be really disappointing, and we take that
13:39
Speaker 2: on ourselves a lot, and we just assume our wholes
13:42
Speaker 2: because I'm not good enough or I don't earn enough,
13:44
Speaker 2: or I don't do that, and it's like, no, it's
13:46
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three. It's got nothing to do with been
13:48
Speaker 2: good enough for working hard enough, the world is going
13:52
Speaker 2: absolutely crazy. And I've great a statistic the other day
13:55
Speaker 2: that said the median house price today in Melbourne, which
13:58
Speaker 2: is where we all are right now today is twenty
14:02
Speaker 2: one times what it was in nineteen eighty one, and
14:06
Speaker 2: wages have only gone up six times. I feel like
14:09
Speaker 2: that puts it in perspective as to how unobtainable property
14:13
Speaker 2: has now become. And it's something that you know, if
14:16
Speaker 2: you then have a duel income and you've worked towards it,
14:18
Speaker 2: like that would be heartbreaking to lose because I think
14:21
Speaker 2: that you get to a point in your I don't
14:23
Speaker 2: want to say career, but you get to a point
14:25
Speaker 2: in your life where if you've saved enough and property
14:27
Speaker 2: is on the vision board and it is something that
14:30
Speaker 2: you're going to achieve to then have that knocked oubt
14:33
Speaker 2: you kind of go, no, no, no, it's still going
14:34
Speaker 2: to happen. I'm going to make it happen, and it
14:37
Speaker 2: might not actually be the best financial decision ever, which
14:39
Speaker 2: is why I think going back to the drawing board
14:41
Speaker 2: and going well before, like what you said, just what
14:43
Speaker 2: do I have coming in? What do I have to
14:46
Speaker 2: you know, have going out? And where can I start?
14:48
Speaker 2: Because we can earn more income, you could create a
14:51
Speaker 2: side hustle, you could get a different job. But all
14:54
Speaker 2: of those things are really dependent on whether it's actually
14:56
Speaker 2: appropriate for you to do that or even accessible for
14:59
Speaker 2: you to do that with small kids. So I just
15:02
Speaker 2: feel like the best advice was actually what you said, Jess,
15:04
Speaker 2: and that's just going back to the absolute basics.
15:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the other thing i'd maybe encourage beck you
15:09
Speaker 3: said before, you feel like you would be really equipped
15:12
Speaker 3: to live that way because that's your current reality, but
15:14
Speaker 3: maybe that's not the case for someone. Kind of going
15:16
Speaker 3: back there, I would really encourage our community member to
15:21
Speaker 3: rely on the resources around her, like talk to your friends,
15:24
Speaker 3: like we're a great resource and I'm so happy that
15:26
Speaker 3: you wrote into us because we're here to support you
15:28
Speaker 3: one hundred percent. But talk to your friends. Be honest
15:31
Speaker 3: with your friends around your financial situation. If you can't
15:34
Speaker 3: afford to go to dinner, tell them that. I think
15:37
Speaker 3: there's a lot of shame that people unintentionally carry around
15:41
Speaker 3: lifestyle change and around not feeling like they have a
15:43
Speaker 3: lot of money. And I think the people around you
15:46
Speaker 3: love you, and I know that it can be hard
15:48
Speaker 3: to see if you're going through a time like this,
15:50
Speaker 3: but be.
15:51
Speaker 4: Honest with them.
15:52
Speaker 3: They're there to help you, they're there to support you,
15:55
Speaker 3: and I feel like it's a really great resource to
15:56
Speaker 3: have that you can rely on if you need it.
15:59
Speaker 5: Just before we move on, I do want to acknowledge
16:00
Speaker 5: that some people may be in a position, potentially this
16:04
Speaker 5: listener where she didn't have any you know, goals like
16:08
Speaker 5: buying a house, or she never actually went to go
16:10
Speaker 5: get her nails done, or already was at a point
16:13
Speaker 5: where there are people out there who are already at
16:15
Speaker 5: a point where they are at the basics, just living
16:18
Speaker 5: their day to day life, just not splurging on anything.
16:21
Speaker 5: So kind of taking the advice of going back to
16:24
Speaker 5: the basics might not be super useful or even accessible
16:29
Speaker 5: for some people because they might already be there and
16:31
Speaker 5: then to have that income cut in half would just
16:34
Speaker 5: be like such a struggle. So I guess in that instance,
16:38
Speaker 5: just taking advantage of the resources that you have available
16:41
Speaker 5: to you know, like send the link or government resources
16:45
Speaker 5: that chat to them, chat to them, so nice. Exactly,
16:48
Speaker 5: there are things out there to help you.
16:49
Speaker 2: Another great resource we talk about all the time on
16:52
Speaker 2: She's on the Money is the national debt. Help line,
16:54
Speaker 2: and we love them. You don't have to be in
16:56
Speaker 2: significant debt to talk to them. They have a whole
16:59
Speaker 2: heap of really beautiful financial counselors who can actually help
17:02
Speaker 2: you on your journey. But yeah, that's a really good
17:04
Speaker 2: call out and one that absolutely is appreciated in this space.
17:07
Speaker 2: Thank you, Beck, thank you. All Right now, we're going
17:09
Speaker 2: to move on to what I think is a relatively
17:11
Speaker 2: spicy topic. And given the engagement I've gotten over the
17:15
Speaker 2: last week on my TikTok and on my Instagram related
17:20
Speaker 2: to this and Jess the hate messages I've come from
17:23
Speaker 2: brides who are real salty at me, I think this
17:26
Speaker 2: is a really good place to land. Usually would read out,
17:29
Speaker 2: you know a little bit of a community concern or
17:31
Speaker 2: a dilemma here, and like address it as a team
17:34
Speaker 2: and bring to the tablesome community responses. But this week
17:39
Speaker 2: I uploaded a TikTok and it kind of went a
17:41
Speaker 2: little bit crazy. So just drop it here so you
17:43
Speaker 2: guys can all catch up and be on the same page.
17:47
Speaker 2: Controversial opinion from me as somebody who has just gotten married.
17:52
Speaker 2: I genuinely think that if you're getting married, you shouldn't
17:55
Speaker 2: be making the bridesmaids pay for their own dress, their
17:58
Speaker 2: own hair, their own makeup, or any expenses. From my perspective,
18:02
Speaker 2: if you've got a bridesmaid and you want a bridesmaid
18:05
Speaker 2: in your wedding, I think that's your cost, not somebody
18:09
Speaker 2: else's cost. To factor into their budget when they have
18:12
Speaker 2: bigger goals and values and aspirations to achieve it sounds privileged.
18:17
Speaker 2: But if you can't afford to have ten bridesmaids, don't
18:20
Speaker 2: have ten bridesmaids, all right, So T or DR. I
18:24
Speaker 2: clearly don't believe that bridesmaids should be paying for their
18:28
Speaker 2: own dresses. Beck if you're in a wedding, would you
18:31
Speaker 2: expect the bride to be paying for the dress or
18:33
Speaker 2: are you going to front up that cost?
18:35
Speaker 5: Luckily I've never been in this situation before, so but
18:39
Speaker 5: I would say if I were to be a bridesmaid,
18:41
Speaker 5: I would not be in any financial position to be
18:43
Speaker 5: able to afford a several hundred dollars dress. So I
18:47
Speaker 5: would hope that the bride would be definitely buying that
18:50
Speaker 5: one for me, yeah.
18:51
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. I just you know, I won't harp
18:54
Speaker 2: on about it because I clearly have it already but
18:56
Speaker 2: I just cannot comprehend that I would go my goal
19:00
Speaker 2: is now your financial responsibility. That blows my mind. Jess,
19:04
Speaker 2: what are your thoughts.
19:05
Speaker 3: It's such like a catch twenty two because I think
19:08
Speaker 3: the norm over the past, however long, has definitely been
19:11
Speaker 3: that the bride'smaid wears that cost. I guess it's up
19:15
Speaker 3: for debate. If you're expecting your bride's maids to wear
19:18
Speaker 3: thousand dollar designer dresses and really extensive designer shoes and
19:21
Speaker 3: you need them to get their hair done and their
19:22
Speaker 3: makeup done like that to me is ludicrous. I do
19:26
Speaker 3: think I have seen people do it in the past
19:28
Speaker 3: much more conservatively, so like you don't have to have
19:32
Speaker 3: your hair or makeup done professionally to be in a
19:33
Speaker 3: well of course, you know, so taking that expense off
19:36
Speaker 3: the table, is there something in their closet that fits
19:38
Speaker 3: the color palette of your wedding that they could wear,
19:40
Speaker 3: or you know, if you have a color palette, is
19:43
Speaker 3: there something that they would be comfortable buying at their
19:45
Speaker 3: price points? You can, I guess, do it in a
19:48
Speaker 3: way where it's not as extreme. But I do think
19:50
Speaker 3: it's ludicrous to put the expectation on people that they
19:53
Speaker 3: have to invest hundreds of dollars to be in your wedding.
19:56
Speaker 3: The only other thing I guess you could do to
19:58
Speaker 3: kind of negate the cost is if you were having
20:01
Speaker 3: them buy address at a more affordable price point. If
20:04
Speaker 3: I was the bride, I guess I would be saying, well,
20:05
Speaker 3: that's your wedding gift to me, Like I wouldn't expect
20:08
Speaker 3: anything else a source, of course, But yeah, like I
20:11
Speaker 3: think as things get bigger and bigger and people become
20:13
Speaker 3: more extravagant, it's ridiculous to expect people to invest in
20:16
Speaker 3: a day that's not about them, you know.
20:18
Speaker 2: It's about you. Yeah, And having just gotten married. The
20:22
Speaker 2: idea that I would ask my bridesmaids one of you know,
20:26
Speaker 2: contextualizing it, I've got my little sister. Can't imagine asking
20:30
Speaker 2: her to buy anything because she's my little sister. I
20:33
Speaker 2: had a bridesmaid that traveled internationally. Can't imagine asking her
20:38
Speaker 2: to also front up any type of cost. I already
20:41
Speaker 2: felt bad that she was willing to, you know, spend
20:43
Speaker 2: on international flights. And then my other best friend who
20:47
Speaker 2: had just had a baby and bought a new house,
20:49
Speaker 2: Like I cannot comprehend asking them to front up for
20:53
Speaker 2: my financial goal or the wedding of my dreams, because
20:57
Speaker 2: it's not their responsibility. A good friend, thank you, thank you,
21:01
Speaker 2: But I just don't think it should take a good friend.
21:03
Speaker 2: And the comments from online I found really interesting as well,
21:08
Speaker 2: because on TikTok they're very international, so lots were coming
21:12
Speaker 2: from Europe and they're like, what are you talking about?
21:14
Speaker 2: Bridesmaids never pay for their own dresses. Comments from America
21:18
Speaker 2: are like, what do you mean I could never pay
21:21
Speaker 2: for twelve bridesmaids dress? I say down, I don't even
21:26
Speaker 2: have that many friends. And then it seems to be
21:29
Speaker 2: in Australia a little bit of a mix between bride's
21:32
Speaker 2: paying and then bride's maids paying, And I just I
21:35
Speaker 2: think we need to be talking about this a little
21:37
Speaker 2: bit more openly and honestly, because I think the wedding
21:39
Speaker 2: industry is all about like the glitz and the clamor
21:42
Speaker 2: and making it look beautiful and there's these massive expectations,
21:45
Speaker 2: but like behind it is money, and money is stressful,
21:49
Speaker 2: and money is not something that absolutely everybody has access to,
21:53
Speaker 2: especially if you're budgeting or you're a UNI student, And
21:57
Speaker 2: it just blows my mind. So I thought what we
21:58
Speaker 2: could do is go through a couple of the comments
22:01
Speaker 2: that happened on my TikTok, and you guys can tell
22:03
Speaker 2: me what you think. Yes, please, so someone or my
22:07
Speaker 2: I'm not going to read out names because I don't
22:08
Speaker 2: want to name names. But someone said I forked out
22:10
Speaker 2: over two thousand dollars everything for an ex friend's wedding.
22:14
Speaker 2: Never again. That's the other thing.
22:16
Speaker 3: What happens if you're like the maid of honor and
22:18
Speaker 3: then in three years time you're not friends anymore.
22:20
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it's so.
22:21
Speaker 4: Bad, so bad, two thousand dollars.
22:25
Speaker 3: True, grand I just say no, like I actually, like
22:28
Speaker 3: if someone turned around to me and said I need you,
22:29
Speaker 3: I just say I'm so sorry I can't be your
22:31
Speaker 3: brides back.
22:32
Speaker 2: That's absurd, I agree. But then there were comments like
22:35
Speaker 2: this one that said I bear the brun of the cost,
22:39
Speaker 2: but I didn't want to. I just didn't have the
22:41
Speaker 2: balls to tell the bride I couldn't afford it. And
22:43
Speaker 2: I feel like it drives a wedge between you and
22:46
Speaker 2: your friend sometimes, like if I asked you to be
22:49
Speaker 2: my bridesmaid, obviously, like I just want you there. Maybe
22:52
Speaker 2: I haven't thought about the financial aspect of it. I
22:54
Speaker 2: want you to stand beside me on what is meant
22:56
Speaker 2: to be quote and this is not true at all,
22:59
Speaker 2: especially one who's gotten married the biggest day of your life.
23:02
Speaker 2: Like I get where they're coming from when they ask you,
23:05
Speaker 2: but to then say no, sorry, Like I don't think
23:08
Speaker 2: they're going to take it that way. So I think
23:10
Speaker 2: this is why we really need to crack the shell
23:12
Speaker 2: a little bit around these conversations, because it's kind of
23:14
Speaker 2: like if you're asking someone to be your bridesmaid, it's
23:18
Speaker 2: kind of like inviting somebody out to dinner at a
23:20
Speaker 2: fancy restaurant. If I go, oh, hey, Jess, do you
23:22
Speaker 2: want to come out to this really fancy restaurant with me?
23:25
Speaker 2: And you go yeah, yeah, No worries like is that
23:27
Speaker 2: not my responsibility to then pay because I invited you?
23:30
Speaker 5: Now that's another topic. Would that be? I don't know
23:33
Speaker 5: what I would say to that, but I would say
23:35
Speaker 5: split it.
23:36
Speaker 2: You would say split it if I invited you to arrest.
23:39
Speaker 2: I think it's about expectations and actually having that conversation
23:43
Speaker 2: up front, and maybe not making your bridesmaids agree to
23:47
Speaker 2: being a bridesmaid before they know all of the expectations
23:51
Speaker 2: that are on them, because let's think about the bigger
23:53
Speaker 2: expectations on brides hen's parties. Yeap, who pays for that?
23:58
Speaker 4: That's a good question. I actually don't know who pays
23:59
Speaker 4: for that.
24:00
Speaker 2: So a comment that came from one of my girlfriend's
24:03
Speaker 2: cat spanty's account, so she took my TikTok put it
24:06
Speaker 2: on her Instagram stories. They went wild. They then replied
24:10
Speaker 2: to her story and said, I'm a bridesmaid at a
24:13
Speaker 2: friend's wedding this September and we all have to pay
24:16
Speaker 2: for the hens. The maid of honor has planned the
24:19
Speaker 2: whole thing, and we are all having to pay eight
24:22
Speaker 2: hundred dollars each for the weekend. There are five of us. No,
24:26
Speaker 2: that's ridiculous, right, how have.
24:29
Speaker 4: Where do you just get that money from?
24:31
Speaker 2: It's insane.
24:32
Speaker 4: You paid for your hands.
24:33
Speaker 2: I paid for a lot of it, actually, Like I
24:36
Speaker 2: ended up paying for the house rental that we had,
24:39
Speaker 2: and I ended up getting cash to give to my
24:42
Speaker 2: bridesmaids because I felt uncomfortable with the idea that they
24:46
Speaker 2: would be footing the cost. I like said to them, look,
24:48
Speaker 2: I know this isn't how it usually goes. I think
24:51
Speaker 2: people usually pay for it and organize something within their budget.
24:55
Speaker 2: But here's you know, tell me what you want to
24:58
Speaker 2: do and I'll get it all locked in. Make sure
25:00
Speaker 2: that it's not your financial burden. But that's because let's remember,
25:04
Speaker 2: I'm she's on the money. Like I feel like, all
25:06
Speaker 2: I do is think about money and think about other
25:08
Speaker 2: people's financial circumstances. So I don't expect everybody to be
25:13
Speaker 2: on that same page, right, And I'm not saying that
25:15
Speaker 2: this is the expectation, but I do absolutely have the
25:18
Speaker 2: belief that if you are going to have your wedding,
25:21
Speaker 2: and you're going to create a wedding budget, which we
25:23
Speaker 2: are releasing very soon, my version of a wedding budget
25:26
Speaker 2: in that budget is your bridesmaid's dresses, your bridesmaid's shoes.
25:30
Speaker 2: If you expect them to have professional hair and makeup,
25:33
Speaker 2: that is your cost. If you have groomsmen, that is
25:37
Speaker 2: your cost. And we need to think about these things
25:39
Speaker 2: because they add up. They're not just something where you go,
25:43
Speaker 2: I'd really like to have dress in my bridal party. Yeah,
25:46
Speaker 2: she can pay for that. Yeah, But to me, that
25:48
Speaker 2: is wild to think that that would then become her
25:51
Speaker 2: burden and her responsibility. So I won't go on and
25:54
Speaker 2: on about this, but there is another one thing that
25:56
Speaker 2: came up in comments that really grinds my gear. Are
26:00
Speaker 2: you ready? I'm so ready?
26:02
Speaker 3: All right.
26:02
Speaker 2: So it's this idea that ah and this is probably
26:07
Speaker 2: a little bit spicy, but oh no, no no, My
26:10
Speaker 2: bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, but they can wear
26:12
Speaker 2: them again.
26:13
Speaker 3: That gives me such strong twenty seven dresses vibes.
26:16
Speaker 2: Have you seen me? Yes? Like, where are they wearing
26:19
Speaker 2: a bridesmaid's dress again?
26:22
Speaker 1: Like?
26:22
Speaker 2: Please tell me? And if it's a dress they really
26:25
Speaker 2: really wanted to wear again and again and it's going
26:27
Speaker 2: to go into their capsule wardrobe on repeat? Was it
26:30
Speaker 2: not already in their wardrobe?
26:31
Speaker 4: That's very true?
26:32
Speaker 2: Why is it not already there? Where is it? Where
26:35
Speaker 2: is it? Oh? You're making them buy it and you think, oh,
26:38
Speaker 2: they'll wear it again, so you've justified to yourself. Oh
26:41
Speaker 2: I put that cost on Jess, but she's gonna wear
26:43
Speaker 2: it again.
26:44
Speaker 4: Where the next wedding sugar.
26:51
Speaker 3: Freewear, don't care?
26:52
Speaker 2: Actually, speaking of rewear, don't care. This has obviously become
26:55
Speaker 2: Victoria's wedding talk. So sit down, are you ready?
26:58
Speaker 4: I'm ready.
26:58
Speaker 2: My best friend Deaf her wedding I am so full
27:02
Speaker 2: of and excited about. It is later this year and
27:05
Speaker 2: she is getting married overseas. Can't wait, really excited about
27:09
Speaker 2: that one. But she's getting her bridesmaids to wear my
27:14
Speaker 2: bridesmaid's dresses, so we just like we're wearing them. Oh great,
27:17
Speaker 2: isn't that genius? So I'm going to wear the dress
27:19
Speaker 2: that's staff forward to my wedding and she's going to
27:21
Speaker 2: be in her wedding dress. And I just think that
27:23
Speaker 2: what person around comes right perfect?
27:25
Speaker 4: Does she have the same bridesmaids as you had?
27:27
Speaker 2: Yeah? Because we have no other friends, so it's like,
27:29
Speaker 2: I really it's a solid idea.
27:31
Speaker 4: That's a money way.
27:32
Speaker 2: So she's like, I really liked the white bridesmaids, Like
27:34
Speaker 2: would you mind? And I'm like, heck no, Like let's
27:37
Speaker 2: reach that makes absolute sense. So anyway, I think that's genius.
27:40
Speaker 2: I love that. So if you see a friend that
27:42
Speaker 2: has bridesmaids dresses that you like, why not reach out
27:45
Speaker 2: and see if you can buy them secondhand or borrow
27:47
Speaker 2: them or do something along those lines, just to make
27:50
Speaker 2: it a little bit cheaper because they are.
27:52
Speaker 3: So expensive, so interesting and if you want to have
27:55
Speaker 3: those conversations with us.
27:57
Speaker 2: You do, you absolutely do.
27:58
Speaker 3: You do. Follow us on Instagram, follow us on TikTok
28:01
Speaker 3: where she's on the money aus on Instagram and she's
28:03
Speaker 3: on the money on TikTok where having some spicy stuff
28:06
Speaker 3: come out. Victoria really getting in there, aren't you?
28:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, like literally getting in there. I feel like it's
28:10
Speaker 2: really important, though, to have those conversations, because it just
28:13
Speaker 2: seems so unreasonable to me that I would continually be
28:18
Speaker 2: expected to pay for other people's weddings and then, on
28:21
Speaker 2: top of that, be expected to bring a gift, Like
28:25
Speaker 2: to me, it's wild, And that's coming from somebody whose
28:28
Speaker 2: literal love language is gift giving, Like I'm obsessed with
28:31
Speaker 2: gift giving. I don't think anyone could deny that, like
28:34
Speaker 2: that is something that I adore. But I think it's
28:37
Speaker 2: also this flipped narrative of, well, what if I couldn't
28:41
Speaker 2: afford it, I would then find a way to budget
28:45
Speaker 2: that I could afford it, and thus forego one of
28:48
Speaker 2: my financial goals to prioritize yours. And I don't think
28:51
Speaker 2: that's fair. No, So anyway we might wrap it there,
28:54
Speaker 2: because we are quickly running out of time. So guys,
28:57
Speaker 2: that is all we have time for today. Have a
28:59
Speaker 2: very very happy Friday next week.
29:02
Speaker 4: See you next week.
29:08
Speaker 2: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
29:11
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29:15
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