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211 · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:01
Oh, God. Oh, my God. How was your happy ending?
0:24
Oh, so good. Got a nice facial. It took me 10
0:26
minutes. Yeah. That was probably all cleanup
0:29
time. Like they needed to mop him down. It wasn't
0:32
a towel up. They mopped him down. Get the sham.
0:37
Wow. The first time I got a went and got a facial,
0:40
they had me down for a chest facial. What is
0:44
a chest facial? It's the same exfoliation and
0:49
like stuff. But on your chest, I don't know.
0:52
But I'm like, I always thought that was called
0:53
a pearl necklace. But that's. And we're back.
0:59
And we're back. How was the show, guys? It was
1:02
fun. Yeah, we had a good time. Yeah, it was a
1:04
nearly full house, which was great. Awesome.
1:07
Most of the reactions I got from it was like,
1:10
what the fuck is this movie? Yeah. Who wrote
1:12
this thing? Some guy. Yeah. Just some guy. It's
1:17
an interesting movie. So we did an airing of
1:20
Prisoners of Ghostland here. I love that movie.
1:25
I think it's really dumb and really fun, but
1:27
it feels like it should have just tried harder.
1:30
Yeah, governor. It should have tried harder just
1:33
being weird. Like it kind of is predictable the
1:36
entire way. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, you know,
1:39
you've got like an escape from New York or whatever.
1:42
That's what you're watching. And the the unpredictable
1:48
moments. are probably the strongest. Like when
1:51
he just gets out, gets on the bike and rides
1:53
away. Like, why? What's the point? And then like
1:57
two seconds later, Yasujiro brings the car. He's
2:00
like, hmm, time is of the essence. It's like,
2:03
OK. That movie feels like it's trying way too
2:07
hard to be like a cult classic. And I kind of
2:11
want it to be. It's got a lot of good call and
2:13
responses. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the audience enjoyed
2:16
it. I think that was the thing that I really
2:18
loved about that experience is that everyone
2:20
seemed to like shout at the screen just how I
2:23
wanted to. Yeah. Nice. It helps that, you know,
2:27
alcohol was served. Oh, absolutely. We had Pete.
2:30
Yeah. That does most of the work. Heavy lifting
2:34
is done. Yeah. He didn't even fall asleep. No,
2:36
he stayed awake the whole movie. Yeah, it's amazing.
2:39
I mean, you know, once one testicle goes, you
2:41
got to wait. You got to be there for the second.
2:42
You never know. It's true. One testicle. Sorry,
2:49
my stupid cat needs her stupid kidneys to live.
2:51
They don't have like a cat dialysis. Is that
2:55
for kidneys? I'm not paying for that. Yeah. Okay.
2:59
I don't know. Jesus Christ. Can you imagine a
3:04
fucking cat strapped up to a machine just sitting
3:06
there peacefully for hours, listening to some
3:10
dude talk about fucking best goddamn chicken
3:13
wings in the country and the world. Yeah. Oh,
3:19
so good. I loved our real one. I'm ready to just
3:24
talk about that. We'll do a movie showing of
3:26
that at some point. Can we just talk about movies
3:28
we like this week? Cause I don't, I don't want
3:30
to talk about two 11. So, okay. I I'm actually
3:34
kind of pissed about this. So I called it two
3:36
11 in the car with Nick and Josie, as we were
3:40
going to the movie showing last night. And apparently
3:43
we're all wrong. And it is a two one one and
3:46
they call it that in the movie. And when I heard
3:49
it, I was like, Oh fuck. Yeah. I don't like it.
3:53
When did they, when did they say it? I just watched
3:55
this movie last night and I can't, i can tell
3:57
you very few things about it so steve the like
4:03
son -in -law of nick cage he's the one who calls
4:06
it in as like we got a potential two one one
4:09
in action what's a two is that a bank robbery
4:12
yeah it's a robbery yeah such a dumb name for
4:17
such a dumb movie also speaking of dumb things
4:20
welcome back to cage match calling around about
4:21
we've been meeting nicholas cage i am peaking
4:24
i am No, I'm peaking. That's who I am now. That
4:28
sounds racially charged. I'm Sean. Peaking Sean.
4:32
Peaking Sean. For those who aren't watching the
4:36
video, he does have his eyeballs taped backwards.
4:39
It's for my facial. Okay. Speaking of racism,
4:44
though. You're with my co -host. Nick. Speaking
4:48
of racism, Nick. Yeah. and hi i'm producer peter
4:54
welcome back everybody and anyone new we're sorry
4:58
yeah no we're not thanks for joining in if we
5:01
were truly sorry we would have stopped this long
5:03
ago they so okay so the racism thing did you
5:08
guys catch that moment yeah like in the beginning
5:10
like when they were so hard oh yeah i thought
5:13
this was just gonna be like wow okay shitty racist
5:16
cop like i mean normal comes around yeah right
5:19
and it it's kind of that yeah It's like, oh,
5:23
we're going to hassle the homeless guy and like
5:26
just search his bags for no reason. Like, I'm
5:30
pretty sure about a specific line, though. Oh,
5:33
oh, oh, OK. So you guys didn't catch it. Whisper
5:37
it into my headphones. No, no, I'm just going
5:39
to say the one where like he's like, you know,
5:41
as long as, you know, you didn't marry my daughter
5:43
or whatever. Yes. Yeah. It's like, oh, is it
5:47
just because I'm black? No. Yeah. Yeah. I was
5:53
like, I can't believe they kept that fucking
5:55
line in there. That's pretty incredible. So he's
5:58
just like fully racist. I mean, he's a cop. It
6:01
makes sense. Yeah. You know what? I can't believe
6:04
they kept in there the whole 10 minute preamble
6:07
about the bank, like the money laundering in.
6:14
generic middle east oh afghanistan the afghanistan
6:18
scene was just stupid like why do we need this
6:22
introduction this movie the first 15 minutes
6:25
this movie introduces 20 characters three of
6:29
which might have names yeah it's it's pretty
6:32
rough okay so let's see how do we want to do
6:34
the the recap of this movie like a speed run
6:37
sean do you want to do sean in 60 seconds I did
6:41
not have a chance to write something for this,
6:42
but I do want to do the recap. This would have
6:43
been the prime time for it. I had a shitty week,
6:47
which is why I was going to watch this on Tuesday.
6:50
But no, I do want to do this because so movie
6:54
starts off Afghanistan, generic hacker type money
6:58
laundering, you know, green numbers. So, you
7:01
know, they're evil. They get done. They're leaving.
7:04
She's doing a lot of typing for things just transferring.
7:07
Yeah. They get shot up. Generic white soldiers
7:13
of fortune who supposedly were left for dead.
7:16
And this guy, the evil guy, the evil white guy
7:21
owes a million dollars to, but he's transferred
7:24
it all away because the feds were getting too
7:26
close. And after they shoot him up a bunch, he's
7:28
like, I'll help you get the money. And they're
7:30
like, nah. And they kill him anyway, just so
7:32
they could go rob a bank in the most aggressive
7:35
way possible. um killing a bunch of people for
7:38
no reason don't they ask him like where is it
7:42
where's the money and he's like it's in banks
7:45
and they're like name a bank and the first trust
7:48
of chesterfield yeah and so then they just go
7:51
rob that bank it's like it doesn't fucking matter
7:53
what bank it's in it's all digital money yeah
7:56
it's like you're not gonna go down there and
7:58
be like uh steven stole a million dollars from
8:02
us so we're gonna just take it out of his bank
8:04
account here Just fucking taking money from a
8:07
bank. Also, but it's Chesterford, Massachusetts,
8:10
which is not a real place. Of course. That's
8:13
good. Chesterfield didn't want it. Didn't want
8:15
that on there. That stank on them. Also annoyed
8:18
because it takes place in Massachusetts. You
8:20
got the fucking mass hole partner. Nick Cage
8:24
doesn't do a Boston accent. Yeah, I know. It's
8:29
such a miss. He finally has the opportunity to
8:32
do the Boston cop. and you know every once in
8:35
a while he hits a like a i don't know one of
8:37
those like softy a sounds uh but that's it like
8:41
no no real attempt at the accent so we have this
8:44
whole like five minute opening where we introduce
8:47
we're introduced to the villains of the piece
8:49
again outside of west uh weston cage west cage
8:54
west weston um none of them are notable uh weston's
9:00
only notable for being one a fucking giant and
9:04
two they also assume he's not miked or they don't
9:12
have a boom on him because you can't hear a thing
9:15
he says the mixing on this is awful i think he's
9:17
pretty bad at enunciation yeah he probably just
9:20
whispers a lot he's got big whisper energy yeah
9:24
i don't know why that grossed me out so much
9:26
but you're right But then we cut from there to
9:31
introduce our Interpol agent who has no point
9:33
in this story. Whatever. No, she's just there.
9:39
I mean, she gets a kill shot. Yeah, she gets
9:41
a kill shot after the kid shoots the guy. Yeah.
9:44
I mean, he did most of the work. You could have
9:47
taken her out of this movie. This movie could
9:49
have been half an hour and you could have told
9:52
like the core story. yeah okay so that was my
9:55
my main feeling about this entire thing is the
9:57
the whole movie what the way it was filmed everything
10:00
it felt like this could just be like a serialized
10:02
tv show yeah and like i would have been better
10:05
with that because like the ramping up of the
10:07
intensity and all that kind of stuff was not
10:08
terrible but like it felt like it was in 30 minute
10:12
pockets you know but the plot gets dumber so
10:16
then we're introduced to elliot the kid who is
10:19
getting bullied and mid -swirly wasn't his name
10:23
like kenny it's kenny kenneth oh kenny who's
10:26
hell yeah that's how okay kenny gets dex the
10:31
kid who's giving him a swirly right as a teacher
10:33
walks in after kenny is screaming for help dex
10:36
the kid yeah we're gonna expel your son for for
10:38
hitting a kid also other kid was videotaping
10:42
it just look at the kid's phone yeah so he he
10:45
gets sent a ride oh my god okay hang on before
10:47
that So in the expulsion conversation, the principal
10:52
or whatever, there's this line that I thought
10:55
was so fucking stupid. So, well, why didn't he
10:59
tell anybody that he was being bullied? You know,
11:01
they're like, we have a slogan here. If teens
11:05
being mean to a teacher, come clean. Nobody.
11:15
I want it on record and I want everyone to understand
11:17
before we go any further in this recap, no one
11:20
in this movie can act. No, no one. No, it was
11:23
truly bad. Very, very wooden acting across. I
11:28
love the almost like half second pause a lot
11:31
of times in the middle of sentences while they're
11:33
like injecting emotion into their lines. Yeah,
11:37
it's almost like they like say the line and then
11:39
look over like, did I get it? Oh, even better.
11:43
Did you guys catch the extras who were like waiting
11:47
for action? So they they've started filming.
11:50
There's. When Beardo is setting the C4 in the
11:54
cafe, it cuts from the waitress to him. And the
11:58
extra behind him is just holding a fork of food
12:01
in his mouth, just hovering, waiting for action
12:04
to take a bite. And it's just like, yeah, Josie
12:07
noticed that too. Just like, do I put it in now?
12:12
Later after the cafe explodes and you're seeing
12:15
the wreckage, there's one extra who like is just
12:18
laying there. Then like. jerks up looks around
12:21
like he's supposed to be doing something stands
12:23
up and then like start shambling away yeah there
12:26
were a lot of these moments where it's just somebody
12:28
sort of like it feels like they're frozen and
12:30
then all of a sudden start moving yeah oh god
12:33
but then we are introduced to the bank manager
12:37
and his wife he has to go in today um he gets
12:43
murdered later for being the bank manager This
12:46
is one of the sins of these kinds of movies.
12:48
Like, I don't care about his backstory. I don't
12:50
care that he was going to go have fancy dinner
12:52
for their anniversary. Was it even that? Or is
12:54
it just that he's busy working? I think it was
12:57
just he works all the time. Yeah, like, I don't
12:59
need that. Like, it would have been the same
13:01
as he's sitting in the chair and he's like, this
13:03
is my moment. I'm going to be a hero. And then
13:05
he gets killed. Yeah. The backstory doesn't matter.
13:08
His wife, I don't care. I don't need to see her
13:10
face. same with the villains like we don't need
13:13
to know why they're stealing the money it could
13:15
just be a bank robbery why do we need to know
13:17
that like they were owed this money or where
13:19
the money came from none of that makes sense
13:22
yes they just have to be like trained military
13:25
uh like mercenaries or whatever okay we got to
13:31
talk about the money though oh what about the
13:33
money It is. It's one point three six million
13:36
dollars split four ways. That's three hundred
13:39
and forty thousand dollars each to go murder
13:41
like a fuck ton of people. Yep. Yeah. Big explosions.
13:45
Lots of secrets. They're going to walk away.
13:48
Rich men. Yeah. Twenty eighteen dollars. Three
13:53
hundred forty K. Like what the fuck? You're not
13:56
accounting for inflation. Even. OK, we'll talk
13:59
to Josh about that one. I think I think you're
14:02
looking at maybe five hundred K. Yeah. But in
14:04
terms of motivation, it was still $300 ,000 at
14:07
the time. Yeah. I just don't understand it. I
14:10
don't understand how, even if you felt like you
14:12
were owed that money, like that is not enough
14:14
money for me to go murder shit. Tons of people.
14:18
Yeah. These people are fucking hard on it too.
14:21
Like they weren't afraid to like do anything.
14:24
Yeah. When, uh, so my favorite part of like the,
14:28
the mercenaries just mercilessly killing was
14:31
like when, uh, they're letting like some hostage
14:35
go and that one guy just slips a brick of c4
14:38
in her pocket i know it's like what the fuck
14:40
you're just gonna okay well we we just have so
14:44
much c4 laying around we've we've got a contingency
14:48
plan ready we'll just let a hostage go and carry
14:52
c4 back into the crowd he just wanted to see
14:54
an exploded lady yeah which would have been cool
14:57
but the fact that she found the c4 in the pocket
15:00
yeah But then the cop finds it. So we get an
15:03
exploded cop. The cop finds it, runs away. Instead
15:06
of throwing it, we get an exploded cop, which,
15:08
okay, here for that. Totally fine, yeah. When
15:11
they blew up the cafe, was anyone else confused?
15:15
Because I thought it was the cafe across the
15:17
street from the bank at first. Oh, no, I figured
15:21
it was further away as like a distraction, but.
15:25
Because the explosion goes off and they're driving
15:27
like nothing happened, but like there's two cafes.
15:30
yeah yeah don't introduce a second cafe you're
15:33
confusing us now yeah that could have been anything
15:36
else yeah yeah uh but we are introduced to his
15:40
partner who is also the husband of nick cage's
15:44
daughter and she's pregnant also nick cage doesn't
15:48
talk to anymore who nick doesn't talk to anymore
15:51
also nick cage is like three days from retirement
15:54
like everyone in this movie should be dead um
15:57
but then they but at this point you forgot that
16:00
there's a kid but then they remember there's
16:01
a kid so like the kid goes on a ride along cop
16:05
stuff happens um dude they're so fucking mean
16:08
to that kid right away yeah he's not that bad
16:10
of a kid and they're just immediately like you're
16:12
a piece of shit motherfucker you hit a guy you're
16:15
the bitch yeah like enjoy jim risen Did like
16:18
how Nick Cage was complaining that like, you
16:21
know, cops these days, like they always have
16:22
cameras on them and it's like terrible. And he
16:25
like says that to Kenny later. And Kenny's like,
16:26
what? So you can't just kill people. And Nick
16:28
Cage is like, yeah. I mean, that is the worst
16:34
part about being a cop is like too much accountability.
16:37
Yeah. It's rough when you can't just fucking
16:39
murder people. Then like the hostage situation
16:43
goes down, like they come into the bank. The
16:46
bank manager's there. He gets like roughed up
16:49
a bit, later gets shot. The back two thirds of
16:53
this movie are just kind of like disparate scenes
16:55
that kind of go together, but there's no real
16:58
through line and nobody has an arc. It's like
17:01
if somebody had a sticker book and the sticker
17:03
book was the plot and they just kind of haphazardly
17:07
applied plot over these nice scenes of like action
17:11
of explosions and gunfights. Yeah. why did they
17:15
kill the security guard yeah who cares oh yeah
17:18
who was unconscious he didn't have a backstory
17:20
like so why would i care that's true i didn't
17:22
see his his home life we didn't get a 10 minute
17:24
backstory about like why he shouldn't have come
17:26
into work today yeah also i was pretty sure he
17:29
was unconscious he was just laying on the floor
17:31
not moving i don't know they just like fucking
17:33
murk him off with six shots this movie's not
17:38
very good oh and then later on no and then later
17:42
on uh when they're like uh when the bank heist
17:46
is like into like it's 11th hour and it's like
17:48
nighttime now um they introduce like the feds
17:52
or like uh swat the guy who swat who comes in
17:56
out of nowhere and like this character's acting
17:58
like he's been there the whole time i think given
18:01
that this movie is 86 minutes long he probably
18:04
was there And they just were like, he's a shitty
18:08
actor. We're going to cut those scenes. Then
18:11
they introduced two, they introduced like a two
18:14
or three other like cops who have some rapport
18:18
with each other just so they could like shoot
18:20
two of them. Yeah, it's like the guy who's bad
18:22
at shooting a gun and his partner who's like
18:25
the better one. She gets shot in the neck or
18:28
something. I don't know. There's a lot of, again,
18:30
this feels very much like a soap opera where
18:32
everything is sort of interconnected. It's like.
18:34
kenny's mom is the nurse at the hospital who's
18:37
dealing with all this stuff as people come in
18:39
from these gunshots and explosions and whatever
18:41
and yeah i don't know the son -in -law cop has
18:46
to get sent to that hospital and it's like oh
18:48
my god that's where kenny is he gets shot so
18:51
yeah the son -in -law cop gets shot in the leg
18:53
is like kenny records his dying words to his
18:57
unborn son um unresponsive has lined at the scene
19:03
at the hospital like the wife shows up he's there
19:07
he's like not responsive she pushes away into
19:09
like the operating room and the one doctor's
19:12
like let us do our job and we are trying to do
19:16
our job he should have just slapped her it's
19:18
like you're being hysterical slap let us do our
19:21
job the other yeah then the other cop who got
19:25
shot the neck comes in and like She's talking
19:27
to her. And then we never see the son -in -law
19:29
again until the end of the movie where everyone's
19:32
final scene is filmed and no one is in the same
19:34
room. He should have died. It would have been
19:37
fine. That would have been better. I thought
19:38
he was dead. It was weird that he was alive.
19:42
He just passed out from some blood loss. That
19:44
was all. He knew a lot about bleeding out. It's
19:48
probably not his first time. He was a pretty
19:50
shitty cop. I bet he's been shot a few times
19:52
and just like bled out on the side of a street.
19:55
Oh my God, this is it. This is going to be the
19:57
one. Did Nick Cage's daughter, did the daughter's
20:01
character just keep all of her baby stuff? Because
20:05
she just found out that day she was pregnant.
20:08
She had like at the beginning of the day, she
20:10
had the pregnancy test and she's already in a
20:12
nursery. Yeah, this is one of those movies where
20:16
like everything is set up so much to attempt
20:18
to tug a heartstring where it's like the first
20:21
introduction to him and her is like, guess what?
20:24
I'm pregnant. Go to work and I hope you don't
20:27
get shot and killed. Yeah. I'm going to sit here
20:31
with this like cop car, like baby's spinny thing.
20:36
Yeah, the mobile. A cop car mobile. Like, oh,
20:39
my God. Fuck that shit. This movie had one joke
20:42
that I thought kind of worked. It's when the
20:47
son -in -law is like, honey, have you seen my
20:49
vest? honey and then like goes and we have the
20:52
i'm pregnant scene then we cut to the uh bank
20:55
manager honey have you seen my and like he turns
20:58
around and she's holding like a sweater vest
20:59
for him yeah it's like oh and you know me so
21:02
well ah that was that was mildly clever like
21:07
connective tissue for these two scenes i don't
21:10
think you should give it that much credit i think
21:12
they did not try that's all the credit i'm giving
21:14
it that's the only credit i'm giving this movie
21:19
That and a lot of people get shot in the leg.
21:21
They're really good at shooting people in the
21:22
legs. Yeah, leg shots. Also, everyone in this
21:26
movie is a bad shot because I'll call them terrorists,
21:31
the heisters, the bank robbers. They shoot out
21:34
the windows of the bank and then proceed to stand
21:38
in the open windows and just shoot at 30 cops
21:44
and none of the guys are behind anything. yeah
21:48
there is so much gunfire in this so much it's
21:52
mostly just that as josie kept pointing out to
21:54
me it's like this is a five minute job they said
21:57
five minutes in and out why did they have so
21:59
much ammunition why did they have all those mres
22:01
for the hostages why did they need all that c4
22:05
like a five minute job Yeah. And then Weston
22:08
Cage has his like giant sniper rifle, but apparently
22:11
only brought two bullets for. Yeah. So that was
22:15
my thing. I was like, he's just like fucking
22:17
wrecking shit with that thing. And then all of
22:19
a sudden he's just down back in the bank. Like,
22:22
should I hold this bag of money again? He misses
22:25
Nick Cage in the first shot. And then he fucking
22:28
just dead center on the forehead of some other
22:31
cop. does a fucking prestidigitation western
22:41
digitation yeah okay thank you please continue
22:48
sean another not story point in this movie is
22:52
kenny's phone dies um and he's like hiding in
22:55
a car so he has to use the battery out of a doll
23:00
he has to macgyver up like a thing to charge
23:02
his phone with the battery out of a doll and
23:04
like a key and a charger in this car yes so there
23:09
was this window of time during this movie where
23:11
like i got distracted i looked away for like
23:15
two seconds and then all of a sudden like kenny
23:17
is alone in this other car i'm like i don't know
23:20
what's going on he's like ripping a doll apart
23:21
and he's making this fucking magic charger like
23:24
what yeah they didn't ever establish that he's
23:28
like good at science or anything it's just like
23:32
how did he make a fucking charger no it was the
23:35
nobody's there are no characters in this movie
23:37
nobody has it was the unspoken uh like reason
23:41
he got beat up i guess like because they asked
23:43
him earlier like what a dork yeah well why do
23:46
they pick on you because i'm different and like
23:49
well what's that mean because you're black because
23:51
you're gay like what's the problem what's your
23:52
difference no i'm good at Classwork. I just love
23:57
science so much. I'm the bastard son of MacGyver.
24:02
I mean, it's bitching that he made a fucking
24:05
charger with a nine volt battery. Good enough
24:08
for like a three second phone call. Yeah. Mom,
24:12
I'm OK. I still love you. But yeah, which I'm
24:16
not sure a nine volt battery could charge a car.
24:20
Or charge a phone? Probably not. I don't think
24:23
it's enough voltage. Because I think a phone
24:29
charger is like 12 volts or some shit like that.
24:32
I mean, 1 .2 amps. Tiny, tiny bit of charge.
24:37
I'm not a phone charger guy, though. I'm not
24:40
a phone charger electrician. Well, you could
24:42
be in this movie. A car charger electrician.
24:46
I'll go home and I'll do the math. I won't. I'll
24:49
go home and go back to bed. But I do want to
24:53
talk about the final scene in this movie, which
24:55
takes place a year later. We have our obligatory
24:59
Nick Cage running through a park for this era
25:02
of his filmmaking. Oh, yeah. He gets home, is
25:07
clearly on a green screen, like walking in the
25:11
door. And we are surprised. Happy birthday. Turn
25:15
to not dead son -in -law, daughter, granddaughter.
25:20
yeah surprised it was a girl yeah and then kenny
25:23
videotaping it who is also green screened with
25:27
just a window behind him and this odd interaction
25:30
conversation between all these people who they
25:34
couldn't get in the same room for a final say
25:35
i love it at the end he's like kenny you still
25:38
have that dumb ass fucking phone yeah that you're
25:41
always using and he's like i'd like to take some
25:43
new pictures slow mo walk fade out there aren't
25:49
any memorable lines in this i don't know why
25:51
the one line that stuck out to me is when he
25:54
gets into his house and he's like putting his
25:55
keys down everyone else surprised he just goes
25:57
there are people in my house i finally found
26:03
a movie i hate more than primal oh yeah i mean
26:09
i would rather watch primal than this for sure
26:11
um the same amount of green screen action true
26:14
but but at least it makes sense it's funny because
26:19
this movie is terrible but like i did like it
26:21
more than inconceivable yeah no there's there's
26:24
definitely something to be said about this movie
26:27
in that it's not inconceivable um but it is uh
26:31
terrible it's i enjoyed myself i enjoyed watching
26:36
this stupid movie but it's not good It's not
26:41
something I recommend. Can we also talk about
26:43
the criminals, like their big getaway plan at
26:47
the end was just to book it, just to run out
26:51
the front door and book it. And then like Weston
26:54
dies immediately. Well, it's because he's too
26:57
fat. He's like, oh, easy targets out. Go get
27:01
him. My note in my phone was Preston. No, it's
27:05
like, oh, wrong name. i like how all three bad
27:08
guys though when they die they all ham it up
27:10
so much yeah they're like this is the scene we're
27:14
trained for yeah clearly like weston doesn't
27:17
know how to do a like a pratfall so like when
27:20
he gets shot he goes down like he kind of just
27:21
sits and like you can see him like slowly lowering
27:23
himself down on the steps yeah then there's the
27:27
the southern guy he gets shot in the leg and
27:29
then has to like die next to that car and then
27:33
the main guy The main bad guy who also has a
27:35
weird accent that you can't place. I don't know.
27:38
New York. Yeah, I think Josie looked him up and
27:41
he was like Australian or some shit like that.
27:43
Yeah. Oh, I also in the initial shootout when
27:48
the bank guys first goes wrong and they're having
27:50
the big shootout in the parking lot, just bystanders
27:55
running in between everybody. And you have one
27:57
woman who gets in a car. There's a solid three
28:00
more minutes of shootout. And she's just sitting
28:04
in her car. Right. For him to then shoot her.
28:07
Yeah. Yeah. To walk up, shoot her in the head,
28:09
then drive off. So the car was on. She could
28:11
have left at any point. Don't think about it
28:13
too much. Yeah. Just enjoy 211. 211. Robbery
28:20
in process. My time. So who would you recommend
28:24
this movie to? If you had to, like. take this
28:28
film and like say you know what this is for this
28:32
person um i think people who like noise and explosions
28:38
and like kinetic energy like it has all those
28:41
things you know like the acting is fucking terrible
28:44
very flat very boring but like it's got gunfire
28:50
for uh 50 of 82 minutes or something like that
28:55
like it's it's a lot you know there's explosions
28:58
that cop blows up and ragdolls all over the place
29:02
like there's some stuff like you can if you want
29:07
a mindless piece of shit this is it when they
29:11
blow up the cafe and they there's like three
29:15
shots of the waitress who goes outside for a
29:18
smoke just getting smacked in the side of the
29:20
head with like rubble um they just like they
29:23
just quick shot that through like three times
29:26
i was laughing so hard yeah waitress like trying
29:32
to struggle to smoke a cigarette later i feel
29:34
like i would have been a little traumatized because
29:36
it all the explosions happened when she lit her
29:40
first cigarette i'd be probably like i don't
29:42
know like one of those gag cigarettes that just
29:44
has like a firecracker in it it's like that's
29:47
probably what did it i can't i quit smoking now
29:50
yeah i thought it was weird that she was trying
29:52
to smoke again i mean like smokers gonna smoke
29:55
is what is what they do If I was recommending
29:58
this movie to somebody, I would probably have
30:00
to recommend it to somebody who's never seen
30:02
a movie before, like maybe even doesn't know
30:04
what a movie is. Like I would I would do some
30:08
time traveling and I would go back in time and
30:11
I'd be like, oh, you guys don't know anything
30:13
about talkies. Well, let me show you something
30:15
here. And I would blow their mind with probably
30:19
the most extravagant acting and action they've
30:25
ever experienced. They'll never be able to come
30:28
down off that high. I have a better answer. I
30:31
know who I'd recommend this movie to. All right,
30:33
let's hear it. I'd recommend this movie to Nicolas
30:35
Cage because I have questions. Why? Please, sir,
30:39
sit down and watch this. Well, OK, so that does
30:42
beg the question, like, why did he make this
30:45
movie? Like, there's not that much money. No,
30:47
there's not that much. Like, I mean, they filmed
30:49
everything in Bulgaria. Like, they could not
30:52
have had a budget more than $10 million. You're
30:55
telling me the Massachusetts scenes were filmed
30:57
in Bulgaria? You mean the ones that look like
30:59
they're in fucking Europe? I was surprised that
31:02
they got cars that had the same license plates.
31:05
Driver seats on the correct side. Okay, I would
31:09
say probably to get his son an acting credit.
31:11
Try and get his son on SAG. That was my thinking,
31:15
too. I didn't really look at what Weston had
31:18
done before this, but it feels like it was either
31:21
a chance to work with your son or a chance to
31:24
give your son a, here you go, buddy. You got
31:28
a credit now. When did Tokarev, is that before
31:33
or after this? That was before. yeah rage yeah
31:36
because that's the other one where weston is
31:38
his stand -in uh oh shit what was it you just
31:42
looked it up yeah and rage we had weston play
31:45
young play young young crime jacket mcgee oh
31:49
lord of war that was the other one he was in
31:51
he was vladimir so oh that's right yeah looks
31:55
like a bad one magician he's he's terrible I'll
32:01
probably never get over you saying that his hair
32:04
looks like it was done by AI. And it just does.
32:10
What do you guys think Kal -El's up to? I don't
32:12
know. Probably distancing himself from Weston.
32:15
That is the wise choice. Oh, man. Yeah. So this
32:19
was a this was two one one. We did it. Did we?
32:25
Oh, also, just the reason I was like. feverishly
32:29
trying to google this town in massachusetts is
32:32
because their police uniforms look like what
32:36
strippers would wear strippers who were dressed
32:38
as police would wear like they don't but they
32:42
don't look real like none of the patches or insignias
32:44
look like they would be like legit things everything
32:47
just looks bad maybe racism feels right though
32:52
maybe that's why weston had to uh set himself
32:55
down so gently because all the costumes were
32:57
just stripper rentals and he's afraid if he like
33:00
fell too hard it would all just explode off of
33:03
him just be laying there in his nakedness listen
33:06
that's a pretty cool magician move though some
33:10
dude just gets shot in a gunfight or close burst
33:13
off it's like oh no we can't do that guys action
33:17
softer I think it's telling that outside of Kenny.
33:21
I don't think we've used any character's name
33:23
in this because we don't know them. Yeah, I did.
33:26
One thing that really stood out to me is I loved
33:28
when the Interpol agent is like. When she's scanning
33:36
the face of the initial money guy from like the
33:40
first 10 minutes of the movie, she's got like
33:42
generic sci -fi like. facial recognition technology
33:45
that's just like scan lines and like little squares
33:49
that like pop around his face like it's nothing
33:52
yeah i loved when she went to the gun shop to
33:55
try and figure out like where they got all their
33:57
fucking gear and she's like well trey told me
34:00
he's like i don't know any trey she shows a picture
34:02
of like trey and he's like nope never seen him
34:06
of course not looking at it as is Your prerogative.
34:09
And then she just sort of looks up and there's
34:12
a picture of him on the wall with Trey. Yeah,
34:15
I love. OK, we remember Trey's name. Yeah, I
34:21
love the performance of that Interpol lady because
34:26
she just delivers every line in the same kind
34:29
of wooden like English as your second language,
34:32
Melania Trump kind of voice. Was she the best
34:36
actor? No. No. I mean, Weston Cage was, obviously.
34:41
Yeah, Kenny was the best. Kenny was the best.
34:44
Kenny was the best. He was a good kid. Yeah.
34:46
And then, like, she just happens to show up where
34:49
their, like, staging site was, where she found,
34:53
like, the receipt for the C4 or something. It
34:56
was just, like, a scrap of, like, a wrapper from
34:59
it, and it has, like, a letter C, and, like,
35:02
it's in that green and yellowish. military fonti
35:06
thing and it's like what could this be and i
35:09
looked at it i was like oh i bet that's c4 and
35:11
it's like oh it's just c4 all through the movie
35:14
c4 was a weird gotcha in this it was yeah i would
35:19
guess if kenny knew how to like macgyver up that
35:21
battery he could have hotwired that car call
35:25
me racist but i think the black kid could have
35:27
done it that probably would have been uh two
35:31
on the nose he would have gotten shot yeah absolutely
35:35
in this movie for sure yeah i don't know i mean
35:38
they they sort of like play him up as this really
35:40
hyper capable guy but he's also sort of like
35:43
scared and wants his mom and all this stuff it's
35:45
like let's see like lean into it have him do
35:51
more at the end or something i mean he did get
35:53
the almost kill shot the guy he did shot yeah
35:57
he did he did shot the guy he did the shot yeah
36:00
of the guy let's see we haven't done cage grid
36:03
in a while i was just thinking that i'm gonna
36:08
i'm well i'm gonna say bad cop although yeah
36:12
and good kid bad cop good kid so i would give
36:19
this a bad cage bad movie yep simply put bad
36:23
cage bad movie also um i want to say the director
36:27
of this film isn't a real person uh His name,
36:31
York Alec Shackleton. That does sound like a
36:36
fake -ass person for sure. York Alec Shackleton.
36:41
Yeah, I bet he didn't do any Arctic exploration.
36:44
That's stolen Shackleton valor. That's right.
36:48
And his co -writer, John Rebus. This movie was
36:52
written by AI. Everything is fake. Including
36:54
Weston Cage's hair. borden raised in southern
36:59
california york shackleton took up snowboarding
37:02
and skateboarding at age 10 by 19 he was on the
37:05
professional snowboarding circuit where he uh
37:07
wowed legions of young fans and popularized a
37:11
movie called the or a move called the rodeo flip
37:14
this you say that was the writer or the director
37:18
no writer director okay yeah Yeah, this definitely
37:23
has big snowboarder vibes in the script. So I
37:26
could use more sketching. Oh, my God. OK, any
37:32
any final thoughts on this one? This is going
37:34
to be a short episode. No, it's fine. I'm looking
37:38
at his IMDb. I think this is a different York
37:42
Shackleton. How many York Shackletons could there
37:45
be? I don't know, but this York Shackleton doesn't
37:48
have 211 on his or 211 on his IMDb. Probably
37:54
knew better. And he's like, we can drop that
37:57
one. We don't need to advertise. I was on that
38:01
one. It's all right. That was my Bulgaria experience.
38:05
I was looking at a producer. No, it is. He did
38:10
direct. Yeah, he did direct 211. uh his other
38:15
movies are i'm i don't care um las hereditas
38:20
kush puta one out of seven the fukushima 50 the
38:27
actor pretty perfect two one one and disturbing
38:31
the peace and this one wait so this was one of
38:35
his later credits yeah yeah so he had a lot of
38:38
practice before his other one is also a cop one
38:40
the newer one yeah He likes cops. He had the
38:43
costumes rented for a whole week, so he had to
38:46
use them. Who's in the other cop one, the most
38:50
recent one, Disturbance of Peace or whatever?
38:52
Guy Pearce. Yeah, of course. It would have to
38:56
be somebody. Well, next up, we've got Teen Titans.
39:00
Go to the movies. That is going to be a nice
39:04
palate cleanser after these last two episodes.
39:07
It'll be interesting. I think that's going to
39:08
be pretty fun. I know you are not super big on
39:11
kids animation, but we'll see what happens. This
39:14
could be better. It could be better. So he does
39:17
play Superman. The only thing I know about this
39:19
movie, this came across my feed recently. This
39:22
one little clip from the film, I think because
39:25
of all my on the record Shia LaBeouf bashing.
39:30
But there's a scene where like the Titans are
39:32
beating up Slade Wilson and he rips off his mask.
39:34
It's like, guys, I'm not actually Slade. I'm
39:37
after Shia LaBeouf. And they're like, oh, Shia
39:39
LaBeouf. Shia LaBeouf. Kick, punch, kick, punch,
39:42
kick, punch. Excellent. I'm going to go read
39:47
more about the weird backstory of York Alex Shackleton,
39:51
because this is fascinating. Yeah, he sounds
39:54
more interesting than the movies he makes. Absolutely.
39:56
100%. All right. Thank you all for listening.
40:00
If you want to support us, we do have a Patreon.
40:03
Thank you to our Sparkle buddies, Josh, Josie,
40:05
Matt, Adam, Bill, Stuart, and Willow. And our
40:07
Cage dancers, John, Freeman, Nathan, and Cameron.
40:11
And to Bill Panks for our intro music. Nicolas
40:15
Cage broke his ankle while filming the movie
40:19
in Bulgaria and was out of action for two weeks.
40:21
Nicolas Cage admitted he didn't like the final
40:24
cut. Because it sucks. Nicholas Cage described
40:28
the movie as disappointing. Okay, this makes
40:30
sense. This will be my last thought. The scene
40:34
where after he gets shot in the ankle, this makes
40:36
sense when he gets shot in the ankle, but when
40:39
he's in the ambulance and he's got his leg up,
40:42
it's a fake foot. It looks so weird. It's huge.
40:49
It comes out at a weird angle. What if he just
40:51
has big -ass feet, man? No, it's a fake rubber
40:55
foot. what if it's like one of those hobbit feet
40:57
that they put on so it's like a shoe with like
41:00
yeah it goes over your hair and nose and all
41:03
that yeah got that as a costume rental they threw
41:06
in a couple hobbit feet all right the sixth collaboration
41:10
between nicholas cage and millennium films after
41:12
wicker man bad lieutenant port of call new orleans
41:15
drive angry trespass and stolen wow so a bunch
41:20
of bangers and then this everything rules and
41:24
this which one was trespass we watched it recently
41:28
is that the one with the home invasion yes and
41:32
nicole kidman yeah yeah that one was also bad
41:35
it was but was that also guy pierce no that was
41:41
um fuck is that guy's name he's got kind of sticky
41:45
out ears great actor yeah it's not like ben mendelsohn
41:49
yeah yeah okay yeah ben mendelsohn whoo pulled
41:54
that one out of my ass i like ben mendelsohn
41:56
i do too i do too so i guess i like trespass
41:59
it's the only thing but not two one one not two
42:04
one one too much weston in it what's the perfect
42:07
movie for weston cage uh i don't know remember
42:12
when like uh the prestige and like that other
42:16
movie came out and it was like oh we're gonna
42:18
do a lot of movies about magicians the illusionist
42:21
The illusionist. So he probably could have done
42:24
like the the straight to video like knockoff
42:28
of one of those films that comes out at that
42:30
time. Yeah. To me, it feels like what if it was
42:33
like a David Blaine like biopic and he plays
42:38
fat David Blaine or like David Blaine's failed
42:41
like friend, the guy that David Blaine stole
42:46
all of his good magic from. I don't think Weston
42:49
has good magic. That's why it's a movie. So you
42:53
can suspend disability. Okay, fair, fair, fair.
42:55
Have you gone to Weston's IMDb page? Yes. No.
43:00
All of his photos look very magician -esque.
43:04
They're the ones I was showing you before. Yeah,
43:05
we were looking at those earlier. Look at that
43:08
fucking hair. It doesn't look real. It's just,
43:11
those are some very touched up headshots. I mean,
43:15
meal pattern baldness, you get it from your dad.
43:17
Your dad has it. I thought you got it from your
43:20
mom. Whatever, fuck it. Yeah, who knows? His
43:25
first movie was Lord of War. Raven Rage was his
43:29
third. As Night Comes. Yeah, there's a whole
43:33
lot of titles in there that I've never heard
43:36
before. I'm more impressed that he has three
43:38
soundtrack credits. Yeah. Kind of amazing, actually.
43:42
Drive Angry being one of them, apparently. yeah
43:44
drive angry joe and uh joe really yeah he wrote
43:49
a song for joe and vengeance colon that's right
43:53
weston cage bye