Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 251. Why most women are struggling with these THREE things 💛

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251. Why most women are struggling with these THREE things 💛 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Quick little favor from us. If you've been
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Speaker 1: us properly and hit that follow button. Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Hello and
0:55
Speaker 2: welcome back to another episode of She Rises with your
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Speaker 2: favorite hosts Ashi and Tiana. Whether you're plugging in morning, evening,
1:01
Speaker 2: or afternoon, we have got another episode for you, and
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Speaker 2: today's episode is all about the most common three things
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Speaker 2: that we see in women's self sabotaging themselves in twenty
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Speaker 2: twenty six, and we'll share all about it in a second.
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Speaker 2: But otherwise, what is your share of the week.
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Speaker 1: It's something that I say from a page. Her name
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Speaker 1: is Alexandra dot Eden's eid E and s if your
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Speaker 1: emotions could talk. So if you're feeling angry, means something
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Speaker 1: needs to change. If you're feeling jealous, it highlights this
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Speaker 1: is something that you really want. Let it inspire you
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Speaker 1: and ask yourself, are you doing the things together? If
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Speaker 1: you're feeling guilt, it is showing up because you did
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Speaker 1: something that doesn't match your values. If you're feeling fearful,
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Speaker 1: your greatest strength is hiding here, So just look closer
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Speaker 1: and dig a little bit deeper. If you're feeling shame,
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Speaker 1: this is a part of you that needs love and acceptance.
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Speaker 1: And if you're feeling frustrated, you are feeling stuck, try
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Speaker 1: a new way. Oh, I like that isn't it?
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Speaker 2: It's so beautiful. Yeah, it's a good perspective, it is.
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Speaker 2: It's like so simple but so effective.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. It's probably things we'd kind of if we really
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Speaker 1: dug deep enough. It's so activated. We know logically, but
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Speaker 1: just to read it out it's like, oh.
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Speaker 2: So true, and like remembering it in the moments.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the hard part. Yeah.
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Speaker 2: It's like so easy to do it when you're feeling regulated,
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Speaker 2: and it matters most on the hard days.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is why we love sticky notes. Yes, reminders.
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Speaker 2: My share of the week this week is actually just
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Speaker 2: about mood lighting. So something that I recently did in
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Speaker 2: my bedroom a couple of months ago was stop using
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Speaker 2: my harsh down lights. Yeah, and I honestly can't tell
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Speaker 2: you last night turned them on and I got my
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Speaker 2: brother to help me put in these LED strips in
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Speaker 2: my room.
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Speaker 1: Difference.
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Speaker 2: I've got a lamp now and I've got an LED strip,
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Speaker 2: And honestly, I can't tell you how good it feels
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Speaker 2: on my nervous system to not have harsh lights in
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Speaker 2: my bedroom. It just feels so much more moody. It
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Speaker 2: feels like my little safe space where it's just like, no,
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Speaker 2: this is for me. Pillows are done nice like it,
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Speaker 2: got new curtains. And then also on the back end
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Speaker 2: of that, something else has been really helpful is actually
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Speaker 2: showering in the dark. So I've been reading a little
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Speaker 2: bit more about this recently online, but apparently showering in
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Speaker 2: the dark is such a good reset for your nervous
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Speaker 2: system because you can one feel the water on your body,
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Speaker 2: you can breathe, and also you don't have those harsh
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Speaker 2: downlines where it feels like a hospital room feels like
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Speaker 2: a hospital room. Yeah, So just like removing those elements
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Speaker 2: so that by the end of the day, at the
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Speaker 2: end of the night where you can come home and
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Speaker 2: you can just like fully let go and allow your
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Speaker 2: body to soften and kind of come back to like
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Speaker 2: a really beautiful, regulated baseline. And that for me has
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Speaker 2: honestly been so helpful, especially in the moments when I
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Speaker 2: feel really triggered.
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Speaker 1: I love that you've been sharing with a lit candle.
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Speaker 2: It's so nice, so nice.
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Speaker 1: I love your rooms now, like the LEDs is so relaxing.
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Speaker 2: Oh it looks so much better. Oh it's beautiful, look
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Speaker 2: shocking before.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.
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Speaker 2: We've recently have started something called the Accelerator. Now, the
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Speaker 2: Accelerator is our online program, and we have some really
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Speaker 2: incredible women inside the best Oh my gosh. But one
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Speaker 2: of the biggest common themes that we see in these
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Speaker 2: women are these three self sabotaging patterns. And I don't
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Speaker 2: know if you're still self sabotaging in twenty twenty six,
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Speaker 2: but let's talk about it.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy how you can work with so many women,
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Speaker 1: even online and offline, even though they retreat. Like the
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Speaker 1: same three things kept coming out. We kept talking about
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Speaker 1: like wow, like we all struggle with the same stuff.
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Speaker 1: It just looks very different to everyone, but it's all
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Speaker 1: underlying the same thing.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, and in different seasons of different lives with different challenges.
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Speaker 2: But it could be in work, it could be in business,
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Speaker 2: it could be in your relationship, could be in your friendship.
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Speaker 2: But the three common things keep coming up. And the
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Speaker 2: first one is that most women really struggle to stick
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Speaker 2: to things. Yes, like they struggle to keep their word.
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Speaker 2: It's like they set these new goals or you know,
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Speaker 2: they want to do the fitness program and they just
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Speaker 2: the business yeah whatever it is, and they start for
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Speaker 2: three weeks and then after three weeks they drop off
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Speaker 2: the bandwagain out and it's like this common theme of consistency,
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Speaker 2: like really struggling to be consistent with the things that
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Speaker 2: are actually really important to them or that they say
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Speaker 2: that are really important to them. I think we all
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Speaker 2: can say at least one point in our lives that
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Speaker 2: we've been there.
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Speaker 1: But you know, with consistency always Like using a wedding
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Speaker 1: as an example, if a bride knows her wedding date,
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Speaker 1: nothing will get in the way of her getting her
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Speaker 1: dream body right. You've seen it over and over again
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Speaker 1: because I've got a strong enough why. I think if
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Speaker 1: you don't have a strong enough why and they inspired
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Speaker 1: energy to get there, it's so easy for life to
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Speaker 1: just get in the way. Things get busy, the kids
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Speaker 1: get sick, I got a bad night's sleep last night.
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Speaker 1: That's where discipline comes in and meets consistency to get
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Speaker 1: your results. Without discipline and without consistency, you'll just keep
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Speaker 1: falling off the bandwagon. You have to show up even
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Speaker 1: on the hard days. And it's not that you don't
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Speaker 1: listen to your body. Like That's where I think a
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Speaker 1: lot of women get confused. It's like, oh, but I
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Speaker 1: felt tired and when my period and dah da dah,
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Speaker 1: like I need to listen to my body. But sometimes
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Speaker 1: it goes so far that you're not actually getting anything done,
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Speaker 1: and it's like how long do you let that carry on?
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Speaker 1: For yeah, like if your appearan's that bad that you
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Speaker 1: literally cannot get out of bed, you need to saw
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Speaker 1: some help, go to a match path, get all your
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Speaker 1: blood work done, go to a holistic doctor, get that
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Speaker 1: checked out. That's not normal, Like we should still be
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Speaker 1: able to function, and yes, you can take things. So
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Speaker 1: I recommend working with your cycle and like not training
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Speaker 1: is heavy, or going through a gentle yoga instead, or
6:00
Speaker 1: getting a lot more sleep if you can, eating so
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Speaker 1: much more warming foods, jumping in the sauna, using a
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Speaker 1: heat pack, like getting acupuncture. There's so many beautiful things
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Speaker 1: that you can support your cycle with. But for me,
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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean falling off the face of the planet.
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Speaker 1: I still have responsibilities. Yeah, I still have big goals
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Speaker 1: I want to achieve. I still have to show up
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Speaker 1: as a mum. I still know that exercise helps me
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Speaker 1: mentally feel better. So even if I'm not hitting PBS,
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Speaker 1: I'm still going.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: I literally say to Georgia, George, I am bleeding today.
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Speaker 1: He's like, cool, We're going to go a lot lighter,
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Speaker 1: like take it easy, but it's still bigger warm up.
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Speaker 1: Like he's so in tune with women's bodies and he
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Speaker 1: only trains females. He works with us, and that's so beautiful.
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Speaker 1: But I'm just very big on still being able to
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Speaker 1: show up. If you really want something, you've got to
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Speaker 1: put their work in. You've got to keep showing up.
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Speaker 1: You've got to be consistent.
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Speaker 2: And what we've seen as well with the accelerated girls,
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Speaker 2: I mean, this is a conversation we've even brought forward
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Speaker 2: to them. Yeah, you know, when we hit the three
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Speaker 2: week mark, we were like, okay, girls, who's dealing with
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Speaker 2: this problem right now? And a few of the girls
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Speaker 2: actually put their hand up before we'd even are so,
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Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I noticed I'm not really being accountable
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Speaker 2: this week. I haven't really, you know. And then they're
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Speaker 2: like cool, and they pick themselves back up again and
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Speaker 2: they get back on the bandwagon. Yeah, and that's exactly
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Speaker 2: what the space is for. It is for that level
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Speaker 2: of accountability. It's right. But what we've noticed as well
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Speaker 2: in what these women who maybe weren't fully aware of
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Speaker 2: this pattern and how it shows up in their life,
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Speaker 2: is really starting to see it now because we've put
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Speaker 2: like a spotlight on it.
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Speaker 1: They're facing it.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, so in three weeks they're like, oh my gosh,
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Speaker 2: I didn't realize that I'm doing the same pattern that
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Speaker 2: I've always done. Oftentimes, as it's saying that goes around it,
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Speaker 2: that's how you do one thing is often how you
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Speaker 2: do everything. I think that the truth, right, So it's like,
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Speaker 2: how cool for us to look at this as not
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Speaker 2: just women but just humans in general who want for
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Speaker 2: what we want? Where are we actually getting in our
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Speaker 2: own way and stopping ourselves the moment that we start
7:42
Speaker 2: something and we ride the high of excitement, but then
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Speaker 2: once motivation drops off, we get bored, you know, or
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Speaker 2: then we get distracted and go to the next shiny
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Speaker 2: object and then go, oh, this feels too hard, and
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Speaker 2: then you're onto the next thing.
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Speaker 1: That's the power of the group as well. That accountability
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Speaker 1: is everything. And I remember when I first started working
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Speaker 1: with Taylor and I was going to him three times
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Speaker 1: a week for my back. I was in so much
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Speaker 1: pain with my back that I had so much motivation
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Speaker 1: to go, but I was so accountable. Yeah, that's where
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Speaker 1: I think a coach or a personal trainer or anyone
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Speaker 1: that you have an appointment with, you've got that level
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Speaker 1: of accountability. You don't want to let them down. But
8:15
Speaker 1: we don't treat ourselves that same level of respect. So
8:18
Speaker 1: if you are struggling to keep showing up for yourself,
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Speaker 1: this is when you need to get help. And there's
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Speaker 1: no shame in that, not at all. Like even if
8:24
Speaker 1: you we're hoping for our girls, like we hope they
8:26
Speaker 1: do this ninety days and then they're good on their own,
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Speaker 1: and if they want to do another ninety days with us, cool.
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Speaker 1: If they love that level of support and it's helping
8:32
Speaker 1: them build some habits and break some old ones, to
8:34
Speaker 1: rewire the way that they think, the way that they
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Speaker 1: do things. That's the power of the group. That's the
8:38
Speaker 1: power of having people that hold you accountable and allow
8:41
Speaker 1: you to bring your quote unquote mess or the things
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Speaker 1: that you're struggling with forward so it can be seen
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Speaker 1: we can dissolve the shame and make a wordy map
8:48
Speaker 1: to move forward to get that needle moving absolutely.
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Speaker 2: Even like us, like a really light example is like
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Speaker 2: us going to the gym together in the morning, Like
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Speaker 2: when we walk in the mornings and we go training,
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Speaker 2: it's like we keep each other accountable in that area
8:58
Speaker 2: because one it's really important to both of us and
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Speaker 2: also because we know the other person who's going like,
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Speaker 2: we don't want to let the other person down accountability.
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Speaker 1: Before I met you, I was in such a slump
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Speaker 1: of training and I was too dark or too cold.
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Speaker 1: I'll walk later, like and I'm someone who really values
9:13
Speaker 1: help and finished. And when I found myself with those
9:15
Speaker 1: you just had a baby all the excuses. And then
9:17
Speaker 1: once we got into a Retaine and I was like,
9:19
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, the power of accountability is everything. And
9:22
Speaker 1: then we were training for a while and we were like,
9:23
Speaker 1: we want to step things up. Let's get a pete. Yeah,
9:25
Speaker 1: he's going to keep us account well, he's going to
9:27
Speaker 1: track our workouts, he's going to track our weights. I
9:29
Speaker 1: tracked my macros for a little bit. It's so much
9:31
Speaker 1: about my body and what I was eating, what I
9:32
Speaker 1: needed to eat more of. And it's like, once again,
9:35
Speaker 1: they're worth their money in gold. Yeah, it's so cool.
9:37
Speaker 1: So yeah, consistency and sticking to something is definitely a
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Speaker 1: very common problem, and we wanted to bring this forward
9:42
Speaker 1: to for anyone listening that feels alone in it, like, oh,
9:44
Speaker 1: I'm such a failure, can't stick to anything. I keep
9:46
Speaker 1: trying giving up. You're not alone. We all go through it.
9:50
Speaker 1: We are seeing this all the time, but we're also
9:52
Speaker 1: helping women see their true potential and that they can
9:56
Speaker 1: break through that.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely.
9:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're like week six now. Oh they're doing incredible.
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Speaker 2: Oh my god, aren't they. Yeah, it's powerful and it is.
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Speaker 2: It's a pattern interrupter. You've got to be in the
10:05
Speaker 2: right environment, with the right support and the people who
10:07
Speaker 2: know what it is that you want to achieve to
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Speaker 2: hold you accountable to what it is that you say.
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Speaker 2: And then you know, it's cool about getting yourself into
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Speaker 2: an environment that encourages you to be better. Is that,
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Speaker 2: like what you said after the accelerator, these girls are
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Speaker 2: going to be sweet on their own like yourself. When
10:21
Speaker 2: you learn from other people and you learn how to
10:24
Speaker 2: show up in a different way, you carry that out
10:26
Speaker 2: to the rest of your life. Once you see it,
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Speaker 2: you can't unsee it. And once you start to change
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Speaker 2: the way that you behave, you won't go back to
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Speaker 2: the way that you used to behave because one, it
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Speaker 2: feels really good and you're really proud of yourself now,
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Speaker 2: but also too because you know that you can do
10:40
Speaker 2: really hard things. And then shifting and breaking the pattern
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Speaker 2: of that old behavior of procrastination or delaying it, or
10:46
Speaker 2: starting and stopping, or shining object syndrome. It's like you
10:49
Speaker 2: don't fall into those patterns anymore because you're now training
10:51
Speaker 2: yourself to behave a different way. It's how powerful, so
10:54
Speaker 2: power to know that something that once held you back
10:57
Speaker 2: for days, months, maybe even years, is something that doesn't
11:02
Speaker 2: even touch the sides for you anymore.
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Speaker 1: How powerful is that love that you mentioned that, because
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Speaker 1: it's so true. Back to when I was working with Taylor,
11:08
Speaker 1: I put him on a pedestal. It's not many people
11:09
Speaker 1: that I put on a pedestal, but I really did
11:11
Speaker 1: put him on a pedestal. Just the way he does life,
11:14
Speaker 1: the way he parents, the way he trains, the way
11:16
Speaker 1: he treats his health, his perspective and everything, how grounded
11:19
Speaker 1: he is, how loving and non judgmentally is is really
11:23
Speaker 1: an incredible human. I want to be around people like
11:26
Speaker 1: that so I become more like that. That's why I
11:28
Speaker 1: paid him the money I did. Yes, he's expensive, but
11:30
Speaker 1: I saw the value in what I was going to
11:32
Speaker 1: learn and who I was going to become by being
11:34
Speaker 1: around that. The proximity. I wanted to be close to him,
11:37
Speaker 1: and I learned so much from him, and I still
11:39
Speaker 1: to this day, carry so much of what he's taught me.
11:42
Speaker 1: It's incredible. It's powerful put yourself in those environments. I
11:45
Speaker 1: had the accountability for three and a half years I
11:47
Speaker 1: coached with him. I loved having his accountability. And it
11:50
Speaker 1: wasn't just to fix my back. It was like the
11:52
Speaker 1: accountability of different emotional things, different ways I was reacting
11:56
Speaker 1: or responding in certain situations, like even friendship breakdowns. He
11:58
Speaker 1: helped me navigate because in how I would normally react
12:01
Speaker 1: and respond, he gave me different alternative perspectives around it,
12:04
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is It's so cool having
12:05
Speaker 1: that plug in to someone who's living how I want
12:08
Speaker 1: to live, even on the hard days, you.
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Speaker 2: Know, especially on the hard days. Yeah, having them around
12:13
Speaker 2: when you are struggling, when it is you said this
12:16
Speaker 2: exactly before, it's being held in your mess. Yes, being
12:19
Speaker 2: held in the hard days. And when you do get
12:21
Speaker 2: held in the hard days, you learn how to show
12:22
Speaker 2: up in a better way that's more productive.
12:24
Speaker 1: And the way they love you through it and teaches
12:26
Speaker 1: you to love yourself through it.
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Speaker 2: It's so true. So what I love coaching. That's why
12:29
Speaker 2: I do what I do, because I fucking love it.
12:31
Speaker 2: Coaching completely change my life for me too, turn my
12:34
Speaker 2: life around complete one eighty from the person I used
12:36
Speaker 2: to be to who I am now. And that's why
12:38
Speaker 2: it's so fulfilling when I get to do that for
12:40
Speaker 2: my clients too, and now what we get to do
12:41
Speaker 2: for our accelerator girls and also our retreat girls. Everyone
12:44
Speaker 2: who's in the Shite Rises community, like, Yeah, all of
12:46
Speaker 2: it is because we understand the power of one being
12:49
Speaker 2: able to have that with each other, you know, having
12:51
Speaker 2: other people support us and then ask being able to
12:53
Speaker 2: relate everything that we've learned so that we can support
12:56
Speaker 2: you in that way as well.
12:57
Speaker 1: Create the environment, the energy, the vibration, the frequency, the proximity,
13:03
Speaker 1: the support, the accountability, all that all so powerful. Oh,
13:06
Speaker 1: isn't it like our community? The next thing that we
13:10
Speaker 1: see come through with most women, I think it's one
13:13
Speaker 1: of the most common things is people are feeling like
13:15
Speaker 1: they're a failure or feeling like they're enough. We always,
13:18
Speaker 1: especially women, we always feel like we're never enough enough
13:22
Speaker 1: for what what's the baseline here? Good enough for who?
13:26
Speaker 2: Who?
13:26
Speaker 1: Says? You know? But a lot of it does stem
13:29
Speaker 1: down to our childhood and comparison, and I think we
13:32
Speaker 1: always feel like we're falling behind. I think social media
13:35
Speaker 1: has played a big role in this too, because everyone
13:37
Speaker 1: posts their highlights. So you compare someone your age or
13:39
Speaker 1: in the same industry doing what you're doing, or another mother,
13:41
Speaker 1: and you see what they're doing and how they're doing, like, oh,
13:43
Speaker 1: my gosh, I should be doing that too, and then
13:45
Speaker 1: it makes us feel like, oh, if they're doing that,
13:47
Speaker 1: what I'm doing is not enough. It's so sad to
13:49
Speaker 1: see so many women just like never quite never really
13:52
Speaker 1: celebrating their wins and being proud of who they are
13:54
Speaker 1: and where they've come from, and forgetting what they've actually
13:56
Speaker 1: overcome to get to where they are.
13:59
Speaker 2: I think you're right about social media. I definitely think
14:01
Speaker 2: it plays a huge role in the current level of comparison,
14:05
Speaker 2: something we've spoken about in a previous conversation around you
14:07
Speaker 2: damned if you do, damned if you don't. And I
14:09
Speaker 2: think when it comes to comparison, it's like there are
14:11
Speaker 2: a lot of people who maybe want to live a
14:14
Speaker 2: life that they want to live, but then on social
14:16
Speaker 2: media feel pressure to show up a certain way and
14:18
Speaker 2: then buy into that narrative or buy into the narrative
14:21
Speaker 2: of being the CEO baddy when they want to be
14:23
Speaker 2: a stay at home mum or vice versa. You know,
14:25
Speaker 2: that's like I feel like that's a good example of
14:27
Speaker 2: how that shows up. And I feel like that's where
14:29
Speaker 2: like the not enoughness comes in of like, but most
14:32
Speaker 2: people want this, so maybe I should want this. Or
14:35
Speaker 2: maybe you know, somebody wants to run a business and
14:38
Speaker 2: you know, work sixteen hour days and then they're like,
14:39
Speaker 2: oh now I feel pressure that I have to do
14:41
Speaker 2: that too, when really all they want to do is
14:43
Speaker 2: like raise three children and be a beautiful stay at
14:45
Speaker 2: home mum who takes care of the home.
14:48
Speaker 1: Yeah.
14:48
Speaker 2: I think it's a really interesting thing because we're just
14:51
Speaker 2: so stuck in comparison. And I think it also comes
14:54
Speaker 2: down to how we choose to see it too, or
14:57
Speaker 2: how we're taught to see it. Maybe maybe there's not
14:59
Speaker 2: enough correction when it comes to comparison. Say, for example,
15:03
Speaker 2: when you can pay yourself to somebody instead of going
15:05
Speaker 2: if that person is successful, that person is powerful, that
15:07
Speaker 2: means that I am not powerful or successful.
15:09
Speaker 1: Or it takes away from you.
15:10
Speaker 2: It takes away it's almost like there's not enough room
15:12
Speaker 2: for me. But if we were taught which I believe
15:15
Speaker 2: is a really beautiful thing to see it as something
15:18
Speaker 2: that we don't need to take on for ourselves, Like
15:20
Speaker 2: we can appreciate somebody else without it taking away from us. Yes,
15:23
Speaker 2: how much powerful we would feel in ourselves to know
15:26
Speaker 2: that there is no right or wrong.
15:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, just what you want for yourself. And everyone has
15:30
Speaker 1: their strengths and weaknesses. Tasha's just sometimes two come up
15:32
Speaker 1: for him. You'll come home from school and if they've
15:34
Speaker 1: been practicing his handwriting, it's like, I'm just so bad
15:36
Speaker 1: at it, and this person's so much better at drawing,
15:39
Speaker 1: and I'm just so bad at it. My teacher like
15:41
Speaker 1: it's always trying to help me, and I just feel
15:42
Speaker 1: like a loser when it comes to handwriting. I'm like,
15:44
Speaker 1: oh yeah, and guess who's the best speller in your class?
15:47
Speaker 1: He's like, who am like you? You are incredible. When
15:50
Speaker 1: people's laptops die, who do they come to fix it
15:53
Speaker 1: for you? Everyone's got their strengths. And when you were
15:56
Speaker 1: growing up, who was surrounded by it? We all five
15:58
Speaker 1: of us that had kids at the same time, and
16:00
Speaker 1: he was the last one to walk and do some
16:02
Speaker 1: of the things that the girls were doing. He was
16:04
Speaker 1: the only boy, but it was the first one that
16:06
Speaker 1: could fully fully swim at not even two years old.
16:08
Speaker 1: Like every kid, depending what you're focused on, what you're
16:10
Speaker 1: passionate about, what you're interested in, is going to be
16:12
Speaker 1: your level of like how good it is. But even
16:14
Speaker 1: at such a young age, he's comparing and think, oh,
16:16
Speaker 1: I should be as good a drawer as what the
16:18
Speaker 1: kid next to me is, and he forgets about his strengths.
16:21
Speaker 1: So just like remind him, like, it's okay if your
16:23
Speaker 1: handwriting doesn't look like his, you can still write. It's
16:26
Speaker 1: just not something you're really passion about. If you want
16:27
Speaker 1: to get better, you'll put your head down in your
16:29
Speaker 1: practice when you get home. Do you want to do that?
16:31
Speaker 1: Not really? Okay, it's not that important to you. That's fine. True.
16:35
Speaker 1: Maths and science wasn't that important to me. Dance and
16:38
Speaker 1: being fit super important, So I did it every afternoon.
16:41
Speaker 1: It's okay. As long as you're still learning and you're
16:42
Speaker 1: still trying. You don't have to be the best everything
16:44
Speaker 1: at handwriting. You don't want to be a professional handwriter
16:47
Speaker 1: when you're older. You want to be a pilot. Let's
16:50
Speaker 1: focus on what we learn about playing. True, But it
16:53
Speaker 1: happens from such a young age. I can see if
16:56
Speaker 1: they're not taught to be proud of what they can
16:58
Speaker 1: do and know that they have to be the best
16:59
Speaker 1: at everything. If you're not taught that from a young age,
17:02
Speaker 1: it just carries into your adult life and you're always
17:04
Speaker 1: feeling like you're falling back.
17:05
Speaker 2: And also how you speak to yourself when you are
17:07
Speaker 2: quote unquote failing when something doesn't go your way, Like
17:10
Speaker 2: how you speaking to yourself? But I was the worst
17:13
Speaker 2: for this. My internal dialogue was so nasty. It was
17:16
Speaker 2: like I was such a bitch to myself and I
17:17
Speaker 2: still can be sometimes, but I'm better at clocking it now. Yeah,
17:21
Speaker 2: because well I don't want to live in a place
17:23
Speaker 2: that feels nasty to be all the time and it's exhausting.
17:27
Speaker 2: It's nothing worse than having like an internal bully who
17:30
Speaker 2: literally you know, we talk about being bullied at school
17:32
Speaker 2: and we're like, it was the worst time about life, gotcha,
17:34
Speaker 2: But then we bully ourselves just as bad, worse, worse. Yeah,
17:38
Speaker 2: Like it make it make sense. So when we change that,
17:41
Speaker 2: and at least in my experience, when I change that
17:43
Speaker 2: and was able to really be mindful of what I
17:46
Speaker 2: was feeding myself day to day. When it came to
17:48
Speaker 2: the quote unquote failures, it's not as bad, it's not
17:51
Speaker 2: as heavy. I'm not as harsh on myself. I don't
17:53
Speaker 2: punish myself for getting something wrong. And even if I
17:55
Speaker 2: have little micro moments where I'm frustrated at myself, I
17:58
Speaker 2: can feel frustrated, and I can have those little micro
18:00
Speaker 2: moments of being like, oh, I feel like a failure,
18:02
Speaker 2: but then I also move on really quickly of like, Okay,
18:04
Speaker 2: it's okay, you're fine, we're not dying. There's no bear
18:06
Speaker 2: chasing you, Tiana, You're so okay.
18:08
Speaker 1: You're also learning a really new skill.
18:10
Speaker 2: That's right. You can like reason with yourself so much nicer,
18:13
Speaker 2: And I think that's a really powerful part of being
18:16
Speaker 2: able to feel like you're not a failure and not
18:18
Speaker 2: feeling like you're quote unquote not doing enough, because in
18:21
Speaker 2: comparison to.
18:22
Speaker 1: Who exactly, who are you comparing yourself to. Yeah, we
18:25
Speaker 1: had a couple of conversations about this with the girls,
18:27
Speaker 1: and one of them was talking about how she turns
18:29
Speaker 1: to food to eat, and it was really cool with
18:31
Speaker 1: this is like in a child work, It's like reparenting
18:34
Speaker 1: yourself and like thinking about if you have a daughter
18:36
Speaker 1: or a young girl around you, would you speak to her
18:38
Speaker 1: like that? Would you tell her she's a failure? Like
18:40
Speaker 1: that little girl is still inside you. This is something
18:42
Speaker 1: we love to cover it and Rise Inside, and we
18:44
Speaker 1: cover it in Accelerator as well because it's so important.
18:46
Speaker 1: Once you can like visualize you're in a child, it
18:48
Speaker 1: really changes in a dialogue.
18:50
Speaker 2: How crazy to every single woman we've spoken to about this,
18:53
Speaker 2: they have like this crazy shift they do because they're like, oh,
18:57
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, their demeanor changes, the
18:58
Speaker 2: way they speak to themselves changes, and they're like, wow,
19:00
Speaker 2: I just landed in so much compassion because of this process.
19:05
Speaker 2: So beautiful, being able to walk with myself on the
19:07
Speaker 2: journey instead of punishing myself on the journey.
19:09
Speaker 1: And you're not going to grow from self punishment nowing
19:11
Speaker 1: yourself down. Do you think that's going to inspire you
19:13
Speaker 1: to try again?
19:14
Speaker 2: Yeah?
19:14
Speaker 1: Do you think that's going to like motivate you? I
19:16
Speaker 1: mean sometimes it does. Sometimes it gives you kick out
19:17
Speaker 1: the butt, yeah, but it really depends on what you're
19:19
Speaker 1: making it mean.
19:20
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah. And the last one is how petrified they
19:24
Speaker 2: are to be seen in their mess.
19:25
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this is a huge onb. We've seen
19:27
Speaker 1: pretty much every single girl to come through Accelerator. I
19:30
Speaker 1: mean now they've overcome it and they're just like unloading
19:32
Speaker 1: into We have a private telegram group so they can
19:34
Speaker 1: come in and ask us questions, they can chat amongst
19:36
Speaker 1: each other, and it's so cool, Like every time they're
19:38
Speaker 1: open and vulnerable, we're just like.
19:40
Speaker 2: Yes, it's go, go, it's the best. And you know what,
19:42
Speaker 2: it's so funny too. They'll voice it like or I
19:44
Speaker 2: don't really want to send a voice message, or you know,
19:46
Speaker 2: they'll tiptoe around something and I will ask a specific
19:49
Speaker 2: question and then it will just all come out. And
19:50
Speaker 2: it's the most beautiful thing, not only to witness it,
19:53
Speaker 2: but also on the opposite end of that, how freeing
19:56
Speaker 2: it feels when you can be seen in your chaos,
19:59
Speaker 2: in your mess, in the things that you think that
20:02
Speaker 2: you will get judged for, and somebody holds you through
20:04
Speaker 2: it beautifully. There is nothing morefering. Like, Oh, we've had
20:06
Speaker 2: that in our friendship. We've had that in other friendships
20:09
Speaker 2: of ours with family members, like and when you can
20:11
Speaker 2: be held in that way, it creates a level of
20:14
Speaker 2: connection that you could not even fathom. Yeah, but not
20:17
Speaker 2: only that, it also allows you to know that you
20:19
Speaker 2: don't need to be perfect in order to be loved.
20:22
Speaker 2: And this is something I really struggled with from a
20:24
Speaker 2: young age, where I felt like I needed to be perfect.
20:27
Speaker 2: I wanted to get my nose done, wanted to look
20:29
Speaker 2: like Angelina Joe Lee, I wanted to hold myself perfectly.
20:31
Speaker 2: I even honestly googled like etiquette schools on how to
20:35
Speaker 2: present and like eat food properly, and like all of
20:37
Speaker 2: these things because I wanted to be like quote unquote
20:39
Speaker 2: proper and I thought that would make me more worthy
20:42
Speaker 2: and more valuable. And I've learned over the years as
20:45
Speaker 2: I did more personal development work and as I got
20:47
Speaker 2: myself into spaces like Accelerator, that I realized that all
20:51
Speaker 2: of that is bullshit. It's bullshit, and it feels so
20:55
Speaker 2: restricting when you're in it, too, because I think that's
20:57
Speaker 2: when the you can't make mistakes mindset comes in. I'm
21:00
Speaker 2: a perfectionist. I have to sit on this for two
21:02
Speaker 2: hours when I'm doing a work task. I have to
21:04
Speaker 2: spend four hours in canva. If I don't get this.
21:06
Speaker 2: You know, speech, right, like people are going to judge
21:09
Speaker 2: me for being imperfect or being not intelligent or whatever
21:12
Speaker 2: the story is. And I think it's such a harsh
21:14
Speaker 2: way to live life. And I truly think there's a
21:17
Speaker 2: difference between challenging yourself to do more and to push
21:21
Speaker 2: yourself beyond what feels comfortable. Yeah, versus having to show
21:24
Speaker 2: up perfectly is very different.
21:26
Speaker 1: No one relates to someone that pretends they're perfect. Yeah,
21:28
Speaker 1: there goes the connection straight away. If someone's pretending to
21:31
Speaker 1: be perfect, you instantly don't feel safe to unload any
21:33
Speaker 1: of your mess. That's what's been really cool to see
21:35
Speaker 1: with the girls in the group. And even if the treat,
21:37
Speaker 1: it's like one person talks about the struggles in her
21:40
Speaker 1: relationship or how hard parenting is, or what a faalue
21:42
Speaker 1: she feels like in business, or the mistakes that she's made,
21:45
Speaker 1: the shame that she's carrying around, anything they've been through.
21:48
Speaker 1: It's like, once one person can be seen in the mess,
21:51
Speaker 1: you just watch the walls drop down. And the girl
21:54
Speaker 1: said that after the retreat too, like from the moment
21:56
Speaker 1: they've been there a couple of hours, like, oh my gosh,
21:58
Speaker 1: I feel so safer. Yeah, I feel like I've known
22:00
Speaker 1: these girls forever and then accelerated too is after the
22:02
Speaker 1: first call, yeah, like, oh my gosh, I feel like
22:04
Speaker 1: I've made life friends and I literally can be my
22:06
Speaker 1: full self and bring anything in here. And all you
22:08
Speaker 1: get as girls being like, oh my gosh, I see
22:10
Speaker 1: you in this. Yeah, I've got you. Tell us more,
22:12
Speaker 1: unpack more, and we put them in the hot seat.
22:14
Speaker 1: We do this hot seat coaching out the retreats and
22:16
Speaker 1: an accelerator. That's basically where we bring them on. Everyone's
22:19
Speaker 1: got the camera on and they tell us what's happening
22:21
Speaker 1: for them in that moment, what's coming up for them
22:23
Speaker 1: in their lives, and we coach them through it and
22:25
Speaker 1: everyone gets to It's like that exposure therapy.
22:27
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, isn't it.
22:28
Speaker 1: They're fully seen in their most roorst, messiest, vulnerable moment
22:33
Speaker 1: and they just get to be loved on and also
22:35
Speaker 1: coach through it. And that level of love you feel
22:38
Speaker 1: from other women in your quote unquote mess it definitely
22:41
Speaker 1: just gives you a new level of love for yourself
22:43
Speaker 1: because you see the way they are with you and
22:45
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I can be that for myself too. Yeah,
22:48
Speaker 1: And if you can't do that for yourself. You will
22:49
Speaker 1: struggle to do that for other women as well.
22:50
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And like you know, when you're going through something
22:53
Speaker 2: on your own and you shame and judge yourself for
22:56
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh my gosh, if anybody knew this,
22:57
Speaker 2: they would judge me, they would I would never have
22:59
Speaker 2: any friends, Like I would be the worst person ever.
23:02
Speaker 2: Shame thrives, and Seecrestians does it thrives when you are
23:05
Speaker 2: by yourself. But the moment that you allow yourself to
23:07
Speaker 2: be seen and you witness how the people respond, you're like, oh,
23:10
Speaker 2: maybe it's not as bad, but maybe I don't need
23:13
Speaker 2: to be this harsh on myself. Maybe I don't have
23:15
Speaker 2: to be this mean towards myself. And the beautiful thing
23:17
Speaker 2: about the girls in the accelerator is they'll jump onto
23:20
Speaker 2: the hot seat and then literally it'd be twenty messages
23:22
Speaker 2: bomb but you're so loved. Oh my gosh, girl, thank
23:25
Speaker 2: you so much for sharing that you're so loved. And
23:27
Speaker 2: then girls all of the other girls giving them advice
23:30
Speaker 2: and supporting them along the journey. I like, where else
23:33
Speaker 2: in life do you get that? I know, you know?
23:35
Speaker 2: And even something like just to circle back to the retreat,
23:37
Speaker 2: quickly we did a burning sea.
23:39
Speaker 1: Oh my god, reading each other's mind.
23:41
Speaker 2: It was the most profound thing I have ever experienced
23:45
Speaker 2: in person. Most feedback, Oh the feedback.
23:48
Speaker 1: Because we joined into too. We didn't sit back and
23:50
Speaker 1: just the girls go through the process. We shared and cried. Yeah,
23:53
Speaker 1: like what we were shameful for what I felt. I
23:55
Speaker 1: remember changing something, I felt like a foul and not
23:57
Speaker 1: scare what people think of me. And like the feedback
23:58
Speaker 1: from the girls. Would just like to have Ashintiana go
24:01
Speaker 1: through that with us and to share their like dark secrets,
24:04
Speaker 1: I suppose. Yeah, was so connecting and just made all
24:07
Speaker 1: of us dissolve any shame we were carrying around any
24:09
Speaker 1: of it, and so beautiful and.
24:10
Speaker 2: You know what, Like on the first day is like
24:12
Speaker 2: they were also vulnerable and felt really comfortable. But by
24:15
Speaker 2: the third day, oh my god, they were cracked open
24:17
Speaker 2: in a way that I hadn't seen before. Like everything
24:21
Speaker 2: that every single woman shared around that circle was something
24:24
Speaker 2: so deep, so scary, something they had held shame around.
24:28
Speaker 2: And you know what, every single one of them were
24:30
Speaker 2: banding arms crying with each other because they just they
24:33
Speaker 2: just felt so loved, supported and like held in that
24:35
Speaker 2: moment It was such.
24:36
Speaker 1: A beautiful release, just to burn that all away and
24:39
Speaker 1: for everyone to cry. I hadn't seen Meg cry in ages.
24:42
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she started meaning you like, oh my god.
24:45
Speaker 1: But that again, she doesn't cry, It doesn't allow herself
24:48
Speaker 1: to cry much. It was really beautiful for her to
24:51
Speaker 1: be held in that. I think all the girls even
24:52
Speaker 1: felt even more connected with her. And she was there
24:54
Speaker 1: to create content. That's right, but we're like, no, you're
24:56
Speaker 1: doing this with that.
24:56
Speaker 2: You're a part of it.
24:57
Speaker 1: You're a part of this.
24:58
Speaker 2: Oh my god. We were a mess.
25:00
Speaker 1: I looked so beautiful.
25:01
Speaker 2: I looked at Megan and I looked at you, and
25:02
Speaker 2: I was like, ah.
25:04
Speaker 1: Everyone just everything everyone shared. I just literally we holding hands,
25:07
Speaker 1: just like huddling each other. It was just so nice
25:09
Speaker 1: to be held in that and to hold other women
25:11
Speaker 1: in their pain.
25:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just you know that. There was a conversation
25:15
Speaker 2: that we have with the girls at the end of
25:17
Speaker 2: the retreat, and we've had this in Accelerator as well,
25:20
Speaker 2: where one of the girls said, I didn't realize how
25:23
Speaker 2: much I didn't trust women until after I felt what
25:26
Speaker 2: it felt like to trust women again. And that was
25:29
Speaker 2: after three days.
25:30
Speaker 1: Incredible.
25:31
Speaker 2: That was after three days. And I think maybe that's
25:33
Speaker 2: what we all as a collective as women are struggling with,
25:36
Speaker 2: is the lack of connection and the lack of like
25:39
Speaker 2: genuine vulnerability. Because when you do it's easy, it doesn't
25:42
Speaker 2: feel like energy out. You don't have to be quote
25:44
Speaker 2: unquote on, you don't leave feeling drained. None of that exists.
25:48
Speaker 2: It's like, oh my god, this fills my cup. Oh
25:51
Speaker 2: my god, I want more of this. Oh my gosh,
25:53
Speaker 2: I can be myself. And then that's when you start
25:55
Speaker 2: to notice all of the different sides of your personality
25:58
Speaker 2: start to shine through again because you're not trying to
26:01
Speaker 2: limit yourself as to who you can show up as
26:03
Speaker 2: and who you can't based on what you're in. Yeah,
26:05
Speaker 2: you're just like, here's all of me, love me as
26:07
Speaker 2: I am, Like, this is who I am. And it's
26:09
Speaker 2: beautiful to be able to be like that because it's
26:12
Speaker 2: so freeing. And I really do believe that contributes to
26:15
Speaker 2: your ability to step into your confidence. How much you
26:18
Speaker 2: feel like you understand yourself, how much you even accept yourself,
26:22
Speaker 2: and then we can get to the point of you
26:24
Speaker 2: loving yourself. You know, it's such a beautiful journey.
26:27
Speaker 1: It's such a cool journey to witness, to coach through,
26:30
Speaker 1: to be involved with. It's an honor.
26:31
Speaker 2: Oh, that's such an honor. I'm so excited for all
26:34
Speaker 2: of the retreats that we have coming this year.
26:36
Speaker 1: And an ex accelerator. We do get dms. Actually if
26:38
Speaker 1: we're still taking girls in. If the accelerator we don't,
26:41
Speaker 1: we close it off so everyone starts and finishes together.
26:44
Speaker 1: So this current one was all sold out very quickly,
26:46
Speaker 1: which is really cool. We've got a beautiful bunch of
26:48
Speaker 1: women in there. We don't like people to come in
26:49
Speaker 1: like halfway because they've kind of missed the whole thing.
26:52
Speaker 1: But our next intake will be happening around mid June,
26:55
Speaker 1: So if you are interested, just send us a DM
26:57
Speaker 1: with the word accelerator. We can send you some more
26:59
Speaker 1: information if you're feeling like you need that proximity, that accountability,
27:03
Speaker 1: that support. It truly is so beatiy. I've never seen
27:06
Speaker 1: a group container like this until we've held this. I've
27:09
Speaker 1: never done something like this. I've been to retreats and
27:10
Speaker 1: I've had one on one coaching. Yeah, an online group
27:13
Speaker 1: container like this. We've got women from USA, Alaska, New Zealand,
27:17
Speaker 1: Canada literally all over and the Canadian girl and the
27:20
Speaker 1: American girl are both coming to a Ballei retreat. Now,
27:23
Speaker 1: it's just so cool how you can connect with women
27:25
Speaker 1: from all walks of life. There's moms in there, there's
27:28
Speaker 1: single mummers in there, there's women in business.
27:30
Speaker 2: There's young girls in there.
27:31
Speaker 1: Young girl is in theres anywhere from nineteen up to
27:34
Speaker 1: sixty five. Like, it just doesn't matter where you're at,
27:37
Speaker 1: what you're going through, growth, support, accountability, passion, connection like
27:43
Speaker 1: age does not determine whether you can or cannot experience
27:46
Speaker 1: it with something we're all craving more of.
27:47
Speaker 2: And as you can see, even from these three things,
27:50
Speaker 2: there's likely going to be something of these three self
27:52
Speaker 2: sabotaging behaviors that you resonate with.
27:54
Speaker 1: That's holding you back.
27:55
Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, and it doesn't have to do anymore.
27:57
Speaker 2: You definitely don't have to do it alone. That's what
27:59
Speaker 2: this space is about. Yeah, so we'd love to have
28:02
Speaker 2: you absolutely and you know it's school as well. You'll
28:04
Speaker 2: get to be super plugged into Ashy and I, Like
28:06
Speaker 2: we're in the our private telegram group like literally five
28:10
Speaker 2: days a week. And yeah, that's what the support is for.
28:12
Speaker 2: It's to move the needle forward in your life and
28:15
Speaker 2: to get unstuck.
28:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, to pull you out of the quicksand and.
28:18
Speaker 2: Get you on your path and creating that really beautiful
28:21
Speaker 2: momentum for yourself.
28:22
Speaker 1: And always have someone to turn to that whole nine
28:24
Speaker 1: days like you guys can turn to us with a
28:26
Speaker 1: simple tag and the group. It's so freaking cool.
28:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, love it. So we'll see inside.
28:32
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us. We will see you
28:34
Speaker 1: in Tomorrow's A best episode by