Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Mum Guilt & The Reality of Motherhood! Ashy Tells ALL 🤫🤕🤰💓

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Mum Guilt & The Reality of Motherhood! Ashy Tells ALL 🤫🤕🤰💓 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
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  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
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  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
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  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to she Rise. Has got another
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: week of epic episode and we're so excited to be here.
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  Speaker 2: As always, we love a good Monday episode because that
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  Speaker 2: means we are want sharing a share of the week,
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  Speaker 2: and also we have a big episode coming in few years. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So if you are new here or welcome, Monday is
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: normally a bit of a longer episode. Wednesday's a little
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: bit shorter, and then Freaky Friday is even shorter again,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: but it's a bit more spicy, unhinged, and not your
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: typical self development and empowering episodes.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: It's a whole lot of play that episode.
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  Speaker 1: We love lots of variety. We know some of you
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  Speaker 1: love the longer episodes, some of you only have a
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  Speaker 1: little twenty minute pockets of time to listen to it.
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  Speaker 1: Today's all about mom life. Tiana's gonna be asking me
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  Speaker 1: a bunch of questions that she thinks will be really
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  Speaker 1: helpful to mums and people who are not mothers as well,
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  Speaker 1: like yourself. Those questions that Tiana asked me regularly. And
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  Speaker 1: we're like, why don't even do a whole episode on this?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's awesome. I'm really excited for it, but let's
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  Speaker 3: start with our share of the weeks.
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  Speaker 1: What have you got for us? Feel share? Yeah, I've
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  Speaker 1: got a movie. It's Jennifer Lopez in it. I think
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  Speaker 1: she is a fantastic actress. I'm really scared I've already
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  Speaker 1: recommended this. I hope I haven't. But it's called Unstoppable
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  Speaker 1: and it's about her being a mum and she's got
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  Speaker 1: multiple children and one of her children has only one leg,
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  Speaker 1: and they're very poor. They grow up without much money
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  Speaker 1: and they have an abusive stepfather. But it's just his
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  Speaker 1: journey to becoming a successful athlete and how he just
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: has everything against him for him not to succeed, and
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  Speaker 1: his determination. It's based on a true story too. They
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  Speaker 1: literally show all the real people, you know, how they
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  Speaker 1: obviously have actors in there. They show the real people
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  Speaker 1: at the end and it's this whole story. It was
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  Speaker 1: so moving, it was so inspiring. It just made me think, like,
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  Speaker 1: nothing can hold you back if you really want something.
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  Speaker 1: I love inspiring sport movies. It's probably one of my
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  Speaker 1: favorite type of movies to watch. Yeah, so it's on Prime.
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  Speaker 1: It's called Unstoppable, and Jennifer Lopez plays the main mum character.
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  Speaker 1: And I forget the main actor's name, but he was
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  Speaker 1: absolutely incredible. I have to go watch it.
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  Speaker 2: Please don't go watch it for me today is one
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  Speaker 2: is just a quote. So it's a Lei la Holmosy quote,
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  Speaker 2: and it goes the confidence you desire lies in the
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  Speaker 2: fears that you avoid. And I just wanted to bring
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  Speaker 2: this forward because it's really interesting. What I notice in
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: just clients and even myself sometimes is that we often
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  Speaker 2: have this like made up timeline in our head of
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  Speaker 2: when we think we can achieve something or when it
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  Speaker 2: makes sense to start something or to do something, especially
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  Speaker 2: when we have the story of like I'm too busy, right,
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  Speaker 2: I don't have enough time, I can't this, I can't that,
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  Speaker 2: And we have all these limitations around ourselves and so
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  Speaker 2: anything that you want to achieve, like the confidence that
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: you're wanting from that lies on the other side of
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  Speaker 2: the fears. So if you're just willing to just jump
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  Speaker 2: before you are ready and figure things out later, like
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  Speaker 2: not worrying about those things until you're actually in the moment,
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  Speaker 2: you will become the person that you want to become
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  Speaker 2: much quicker if you're willing to jump and then just
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  Speaker 2: figure things out later.
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  Speaker 1: Love that, you know.
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  Speaker 2: So just like whatever it is you feel fearful on
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  Speaker 2: right now, maybe it's just the fear. Maybe all you
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  Speaker 2: need to do is just take that one step of
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  Speaker 2: action that you've been avoiding taking for the last week,
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  Speaker 2: two weeks, two months, two years, however long it's been.
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  Speaker 2: If you can just take the action today that you've
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  Speaker 2: been avoiding, you will feel so much relief on the
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  Speaker 2: other side of that, and you'll actually be proud of
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  Speaker 2: yourself on the other side.
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  Speaker 1: And one hundred percent, I think a lot of people
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  Speaker 1: will look at successful people and think that they're not scared. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: it's like, no, they were so fucking scared and they
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  Speaker 1: felt the fear and they did it anyway.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just too busy taking action that the fear
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  Speaker 2: comes with them. It sits in their handbag, you know,
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  Speaker 2: or it's on the front seat passenger side with them
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  Speaker 2: on the journey. But they just do it anyway. And
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  Speaker 2: if you can get into that habit of just taking
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  Speaker 2: action regardless, you will get there so much quicker, and
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  Speaker 2: then you'll look back in hindsight and you'll realize, holy shit,
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  Speaker 2: I am that person.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, all right, let's get sat on
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  Speaker 1: these questions. Let's ask away. I love talking about mom life,
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  Speaker 1: so I'm excited for this one.
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  Speaker 3: Amazing.
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  Speaker 2: So I feel like a lot of women look at
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  Speaker 2: you and see what you do in the way that
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  Speaker 2: you post as a mum and everything that you do
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  Speaker 2: in your everyday life and are probably wondering how you
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  Speaker 2: are able to kind of manage all that you do
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  Speaker 2: as well as run business, be a mum of two,
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  Speaker 2: be a loving partner, and show up for social media
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  Speaker 2: for the last fifteen years.
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  Speaker 3: How do you do it all?
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  Speaker 1: Not sure? No, I'm very sure. We were having a
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  Speaker 1: beautiful conversation about this the other day. You actually asked
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  Speaker 1: me a more specific question because you were saying, I
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  Speaker 1: admire how you and Steve really tagged him with each
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  Speaker 1: other and it looks very fair, and did it change
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  Speaker 1: from different age groups of different kids, And it's forever changing.
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  Speaker 1: You have to be really flexible and adaptable to your children,
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  Speaker 1: to their wants and needs as they grow and develop,
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  Speaker 1: because a newborn baby needs a lot more than what
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: a nine year old child needs. Always adapting and changing.
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  Speaker 1: But from what I learned from kid number one to
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  Speaker 1: kid number two was the communication with your partner is
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  Speaker 1: so important. Otherwise you go in with having these expectations
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  Speaker 1: of how they're going to do things and how they're
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  Speaker 1: going to show up and compared to what they might
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  Speaker 1: be thinking might be complete opposite, and you just end
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  Speaker 1: up clashing and arguing over so many little things. But
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  Speaker 1: when you communicate what each other needs, what your strengths
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  Speaker 1: are in parenting and in life, you work so much better.
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  Speaker 1: And I also love that Steve and I don't see
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  Speaker 1: it as you're the woman you should be doing this,
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  Speaker 1: or you're the mom you should be doing that, you're
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  Speaker 1: the data expect you to do this. It's like we're
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  Speaker 1: just in this as a team. We both are working parents,
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  Speaker 1: we both decided to have children, we are both in
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  Speaker 1: this altogether, and we are such a good team, and
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  Speaker 1: I think that is the number one thing that helps
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  Speaker 1: us be really successful in everything that we do in
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  Speaker 1: our parenting and our relationship and our business. And then
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  Speaker 1: for me, it's a lot of structure. It is a
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: lot of structure, which I know that's not for everyone.
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  Speaker 1: I've got friends that and more go with the flow
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  Speaker 1: with their kids. But for me, being a working parent,
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  Speaker 1: I do have responsibilities, I do have contracts, I do
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  Speaker 1: have things that I need to get done by a
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  Speaker 1: certain time, So having structure in place is really really important.
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  Speaker 1: Then there's also the options of are your kids going
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  Speaker 1: to daycare? Do you have family around that can help,
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  Speaker 1: do you have a babysitter? Do you have a nanny.
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  Speaker 1: We chose to have a nanny. We didn't want to
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  Speaker 1: send Tyala to daycare just yet. I think next year
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  Speaker 1: we probably will to get her ready for school and
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  Speaker 1: be in more social environments. But creating your village as
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  Speaker 1: well is really really important. And I know not everyone
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  Speaker 1: could afford a babysitter or a nanny. And I remember
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  Speaker 1: back when I had taj I had a really close
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  Speaker 1: girlfriend that had a baby around the same time, and
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  Speaker 1: we used to help each other. So I'd be like Okay, today,
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  Speaker 1: I've got to go to this appointment. You take Taj
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  Speaker 1: and your baby. In the next day we'd swap. She'd
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  Speaker 1: go do her appointments, so I'd take her baby and
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  Speaker 1: we'd have a couple of hours to get our stuff done.
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  Speaker 1: It was just like creating that village and making it
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  Speaker 1: work from am to pm. We are quite structured. I
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  Speaker 1: get up and train quite early. Steve's not a morning person.
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  Speaker 1: He struggles to get up. I love getting up early.
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  Speaker 1: That works for us. So I'll get up at quarter
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  Speaker 1: past four, go and train, come back, make the lunch,
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  Speaker 1: have a shower, do my makeup, get ready. I'm all
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  Speaker 1: set to go. He gets up, he has a shower
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  Speaker 1: and gets ready while I'm hanging with the kids, and
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  Speaker 1: then a day started. It just works well like that.
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  Speaker 1: In the afternoon, we'll always communicate who's grabbing Taj, who's
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  Speaker 1: going home to be with Tala. And then once we're
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  Speaker 1: all home, we're all family environment. But it's just a
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  Speaker 1: lot of communication, but we're both all in it together. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: So that's in a nutshell, that's beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: And between you and Steve, do you guys split the
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  Speaker 2: rolls evenly? Like how do you split them between each
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  Speaker 2: other or is it that communication that you were talking around.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's different every day. So sometimes Steve will walking
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  Speaker 1: the door and I can know from the moment he's
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  Speaker 1: walked in that he is tapped. Yeah, he's at capacity,
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  Speaker 1: he's had a hard day. I can feel his energy.
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  Speaker 1: I've been with this man for seventeen years. I know
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  Speaker 1: when he's not coping. Yeah, and that's when I will
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  Speaker 1: do majority of it. There's days I come home and
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  Speaker 1: I'm like going through something emotional and He'll tell me
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  Speaker 1: to sit on the couch and he's got the kids
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  Speaker 1: and he'll take them for a swim, or he'll ask me,
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  Speaker 1: what do you need today? Did you want to cook?
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  Speaker 1: Or do you want to take the kids for a swim?
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  Speaker 1: What feels good for you? So is that communication? Sometimes
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  Speaker 1: if I'm missing him, like I've been away from work
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: and you know, with makes you a lot lately. So
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: last night we did the bath time routine. Instead of
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: me doing bath and him doing dinner, we both did
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  Speaker 1: both together. Yeah, it was just we got to find
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  Speaker 1: more pockets of times that we could be together, connect, talk,
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  Speaker 1: catch up because we haven't had a lot of time together.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So is big on communication. There's certain things that I
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: love doing, and there's certain things that he loves doing,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Like he loves going in the pool with Tala. That's
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: his bonding quality, one on one time. So normally all
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: cooked in a way, he does that. And then for
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: the first year in a bit I put her to bed.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: That was my thing selfishly, I just really loved that time.
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  Speaker 1: And now she demands that we all put it a bed.
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  Speaker 1: So you've been around naturally, you've seen exactly how it works.
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  Speaker 1: I will take her in the bedroom, do her nappy,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: get her sleepsack zipped up, Daddy, cuddle Tartar, cuddle Tari,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: cuddles and she'll demand the kissing cuddles and now it's
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: a whole family affair, all of us in there reading
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: the books, doing the kiss and cuddles, doing the app
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: of me, and it's this whole thing we get to
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: do together beautiful. So it's forever changing. But we definitely
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  Speaker 1: do have structure and flexibility within all of that. But
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: there's never any tip for Tat which I used to
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  Speaker 1: do that with Taj. I've done this, I've been up breastfeeding.
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  Speaker 1: You should be doing this. I feel like I'm doing
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: more than you and be like, well, I'm working more
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: than you and I've got this on my plate. And
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: it was just this constant back and forth trying to
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: who's more tired, who's working harder, and yuck. After that,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I was like, we learned so much of what not
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: to do. We were determined to do this differently and
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  Speaker 1: to do it beautifully and to do it with love
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  Speaker 1: and respect and open communication. And it's beautiful. I really
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: am so proud of how we do it. I really am.
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  Speaker 2: It's beautiful to watch. I've said this from the beginning
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  Speaker 2: watching you guys. You guys are such a team, and
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: it's so such beautiful evidence as someone who hasn't been
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  Speaker 2: with somebody for seventeen years and have two children.
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  Speaker 3: To be able to see that, go wow, it gets
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: to be like that.
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  Speaker 1: And I don't like it when people say like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you're so lucky your husband does that. I'm like, yes,
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  Speaker 1: I feel blessed that I've chosen a partner that is
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: really hands on. But it actually took so much conscious, hard,
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  Speaker 1: difficult conversations and both of us practicing it and working
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  Speaker 1: as a team and continually communicating. We still have to
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  Speaker 1: communicate just as well now as what we did when
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: we first started this journey. Yeah, it's not luck. It's
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: both of us being all in because we want to
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: be the best for ourselves and for our kids. So yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's really beautiful. I'm really proud of us. I'd love
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  Speaker 1: to know.
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  Speaker 2: I'm sure everyone listening we'd love to know, Like, how
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: do you and see both manage when you're both feeling
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: stretched and both feeling really tired.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. There's been a lot of
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: that lately, if I'm being really really honest, from my
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: brain surgery and then with Rambos passing and trying to
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: both keep up with our responsibilities, it's been a lot
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: to hold. And if I'm being honest, we've had a
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: lot more screen time. We watch a lot more movies
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: with the kids because it's at the end of the
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: day and I want to see on the couch crying
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: most days and he's holding me and emotional now. But yeah,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: it's been hard. So we just watch movies with the
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: kids and that's our time to kind of numb out
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  Speaker 1: and tap out for a moment and just we can
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: still be with them cuddling or like having our dinner
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: or whatever. And then once again, it's communicating. I will
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: literally say to Steve all the time, like, you look
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: so tired, Can I book you a massage? Like what
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: do you need right now on the weekend? Do you
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: want to go do something with someone or do you
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: need some time out? Do you want to go down
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: to the beach? Because we both recharge when we have
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: some solo time. Me more so when I'm with my girlfriends.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: That's my kind of plug in. Yeah, I feel so
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: alive and lit up. So I love my friend timer
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Is he's more solo time. So we're really just checking
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: in and making sure each other is getting that time
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: amongst everything that we're holding. And that's life, isn't it.
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  Speaker 1: It's hard sometimes and it's beautiful and it's challenging, and
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: it's a ride. Parenting is literally a lifestyle. It's something
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you have to adjust to and I love it so much,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: but yeah, it can be a lot when you're going through.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Even at the moment when I'm like holding my own
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: grief and then also being a mum, also being ashy
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: on social media, also my responsibilities at work. There's a
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: lot of people and a lot of emotions and a
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: lot of things to hold. It's really difficult. But yeah,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of check ins, a lot of communication,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: and just a bit more screen time at the moment.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's that stacking effect that we were talking about.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Sometimes things just feel like a heavier season. And that's
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: also okay. And obviously, by the sounds of it, you
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: and Steve do a really good job learning how to
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: like maneuver between the different seasons. But do you think
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: that's really important? So important knowing how to bounce between
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: the easy seasons and the hard seasons without making it
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: mean something about your relationship, about you as a parent.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Definitely one hundred percent. And not taking things personally as well. Yeah,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: like when one of them's going through something, not taking
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: a personally, which I used to do all the time,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: and now I'm more like hyper aware to be like,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: oh I can see what this is. Yeah, I'm not
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: going to make something of it. Yeah, that's just how
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: he's feeling or how I'm feeling, or where we're at
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: right now, and that's okay. Yeah, that gets to be
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: there and tomorrow might be really different.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and how about in the moments, because I could
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: imagine anyone who's a parent.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: My experience.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: This is like it's all really good and well and
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: everything's so smoothly when everyone's feeling good, or maybe just
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: one person's feeling good but the other person's feeling tapped at.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: What about when you're like both triggered and both feeling
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: tapped out and you've still got a parent, Like, what
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: are your kind of go to things to help yourself regulate?
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: In those moments, I.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Go into my logical brain. Then yeah, it's like, okay,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: what do we need to do? What are the necessities? Yeah,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: these kids need to be fed, they need to be bathed,
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: and need to be put together. That's what we're focusing
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: on right now. Now is not the time to get
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: into deep conversations where we're going to get really frustrated
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: that we interrupted every three seconds because with one kid,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: two kid, three kids, Like, you don't get a moment's talk.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I was voice messaging you the other day and like
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I've lost my train of thought about four times. I'm like,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, babe, I can't talk work right now, like Tyler,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: she needs me. Yes. So it's very logical. These are
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: the tasks we need to get done, and we park
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: the deep conversations that we need to have all the
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: hard conversations we need to have and park up for
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: the side, and some things too, like you just need
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: to allow them to play out. That actually isn't anything
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: that you need to do, like grieving right now, there's
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: nothing else I have to do or need to do.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: It's just it's there. Yeah, and I've had to accept
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: that that's going to be there for a very very
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: long time. This isn't going anywhere. Yeah, Like if someone
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: asks me how I am right now, I'm like not good. Yeah,
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: and probably not going to be good for a very
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: long time. Does that mean that I can't be happy
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: and find joy in moments and still enjoy my work
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: or celebrate my successes. Definitely not. Yeah, I get to
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: hold all of that and everything I've been holding this
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: last month has stretched my capacity and is showing me
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: how to do that, and I'm really grateful for that.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: But yeah, when it's both of us like not coping,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: it's logical. Get what we need to get done, and
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: then decompressed later and put a movie on.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's so good.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you need that. Or go outside, like if we've
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: got a new playground in our backyard, it's been amazing.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: We go out and we've got two chairs and the
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: kids just play on the playground and we can just
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: sit watch the sun go down and they're playing and
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: it's the best. We're out the fresh air, they're being active,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: we're still with them, we're present with them. It's beautiful,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: very beautiful. Yeah, i'd love to know.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's lots of judgment around being a
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: parent that I've seen, and I'd love to know what
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: your opinion is on screen time and what your balance
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: is with that when it comes to like allowing the
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: kids time on their.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Screens or it's such a controversial topic and I still
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: don't really reckon. I have a super strong opinion on
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: what's right or wrong. And every mom that I speak
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: to about this, they all have their kind of rules
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: with what feels good for them. Yeah. Like I was
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: talking about next to the Navy yesterday and she was like, oh,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: when they're sick, more screen time. And she had a
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: tough week and then she's like, oh, well, he gets
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: it every single morning when he wakes up, he wakes
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: up really early. Don't want to waken the baby. So
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: you know, from five till six thirty that's his screen time.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's interesting because in our house
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: and once again, no right or wrong, there's no screen
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: in the morning. It's a hard rule that I have.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: We are getting ready for school, we're being present with
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: our food. We're not adding any stimulation before you go
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: to school, like that's just my thing. But in the
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: evening we love watching funny animals on YouTube. And then
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Taj also connects with his friends on a game at nighttime,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: so he gets forty five minutes, you know, every single
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: day to be on his iPad and to watch what
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: he wants to watch. We see what he watches and
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: we're very onto that and know the games that he played.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: But that's something that he does get to use. But
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: there's strong boundaries around how much he gets to use
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: and what he uses it for. But then when they're sick,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: that goes out the window. Tyler touch wood wood around,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's no wood. She hasn't been sick much,
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: but there was about six months ago she got hand,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: foot in mouth and a very mild case of a
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: like literally had none on her feet. She had a
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: couple in her mouth, and I think one little sore
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: on her finger, but she was like you wouldn't even
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: recognize her, so miserable. She just wanted to lay in
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: my arms and was so lethargic and tired. We watched
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: that much cartoons and I was like, had this little
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: glimpse of like mum good of awe. I shouldn't really
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: allowing her to have this much screen But I was like, actually,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: she just needs to rest. Can't take her out anywhere
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: because she's contagious starters, but she doesn't have energy to
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: go play, you know. So we watched a lot of
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: movies and a lot of screen time and for three
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: days straight, that's what we did. Yeah, and I don't
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: have any guilt around that. Yeah, you know, and if
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Taji is sick as well, we definitely allow a bit
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: more on school holidays when I'm juggling kids and work,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: they use it a little bit more because sometimes I
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: have to have a meeting at home where I've got
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: things I've got to do, you know, So I utilize
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: it when I need to. However, I can see that
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: it can really affect their concentration and their behavior if
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: they have too much of it. I have a strong
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: rule on there's no social media I've said he's not
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: allowed any social media till he's sixteen. Ye ask me
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: again when he's a teenager. I'm sure it's going to
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: be very difficult, but he has agreed when he turns sixteen,
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: that's when we will open that discussion back up. And
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: at the moment he's okay with that, I'm very open
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: with him about pedophiles sexual assault. He could literally tell
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: you what sexual assault means now, how scary the internet
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: is for them, how pedophiles groom young children online. We
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: have very open dialogue with all of that. I think
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: it's really important to inform. So when he shows me
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: something on YouTube, I'm like, no, I'm not okay with
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: you watching that. Or if he wants to put a
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: new game on, I'm like, no, that has chat rooms,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: we're not okay with that. So a lot of education.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: So I don't think there's any right or wrong, but
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I think we have a nice, healthy balance and there's
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: flexibility within that. One more rule that we have is
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: no shorts even on YouTube. You know how they have
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: the shorts option. Yeah, he's not allowed to do that
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: because I truly believe that that will affect their concentration levels.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And I want him to be able to sit and
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: be able to consume, you know, electure in his classroom
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: or a movie, or just be able to be more still.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: And I think kids that are watching that their attention span,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: like they just can't sit still for a long period
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: of time, and if they have too much, I believe
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: their behavior is affected. Yeah, so I think every kid's
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: so different too.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see the benefit in teaching your kids
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: in TAJE, especially why something might not be good for them,
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: and then almost getting him to make an informed decision
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: on his own. It's like teaching him how to make
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: decisions for himself and how to learn when he has information,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: how to make a choice that's going to be good
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: and beneficial for him in the future.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: One hundred percent.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: So you mentioned something earlier before around feeling like you
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: had like an inkling of mum guilt come up. I
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: would love to know how you actually manage mum guilt.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: When does it come up for you? How do you
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: manage it?
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Tell us all. Yeah, it's a tricky one. I think
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: most mums do experience it, and it's fucking horrible when
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: you're experiencing it. So for me, mum guilt comes up
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: if I've worked too much or I've just been away
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: from them too much. So this last month is perfect example,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: which I know I've touched on already, But I was
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: in for brain surgery and I was in the hospital
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: for four days and then I was meant to come
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: home and kind of be in bed rest for another week.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Rainbow passed the night that I came home from hospital,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: and Megsie told me the next day, and I pretty
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: much was at her house all day every day up
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: until the evening until she went to bed most days
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: to support her. So I really wasn't around my kids much.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: And then I just noticed Tala started to cry when
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: I was leaving in the morning, and that was a
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: guilt for me that I haven't been there for her much.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And then it was a Then my work had kind
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: of caught up with me, and I had the Sydney
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: trip booked, and we've got this up here because you
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: said let's cancel the Sydney trip, like go with your kids.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, this is I'm in a contract,
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: this is a responsibility, this is an opportunity, this is
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: something I still want to do, And that's life. Sometimes
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: we do miss out and it is just a season,
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: and I have the moments of guilt and it's more
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: just like I fucking miss them. So I just try
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: in the moment, how do I manage it? I just
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: try to accept that this is the busiest season and
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: these were unpredictable things. I had to have brain surgery.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I chose to be there with my best friend. I
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: don't regret that at all. Yes, that sucked Fatala if
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: she missed me, but I know she's also in safe
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: hands with her father, who absolutely loves her and make
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: sure she has the best time when I'm not there.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: So I just try to remind myself that it's a
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: busy season, this is life sometimes, and you're doing the
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: best you can with what you have. And then when
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: I'm home, I feel like if I've carried in that
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: guilt or I'm really missing them, I'm even more conscious,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I'm even more present, I'm even more just with them,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: and I really appreciate that time with them. But being
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: a bully to myself and beating myself up about it,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: what is that going to achieve? So I think over
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: the years that the mum Guild has popped in, I
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: really trained myself to just be kind to myself. Because
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: if my best friend came to me and said, oh
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: my gosh, I feel so guilty that I've been working
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: so much, I would be like, Okay, I can hear you.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: You're working because you have to earn a living. If
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: you don't work, how do you pay your bills? Yeah,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: you can't just not work, Like, that's just not how
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: life works. You know, I understand how you feel, but like,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: be kind to yourself.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Girl.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: You're doing what you need to do, and you're doing
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: the best you can with what you have. And yes,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: it might be you know, a busier week where you
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: got home later and you missed a couple of bath times.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: These are conversations I regularly have with my girlfriends. Got
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: one girlfriend who leaves at eight, doesn't get home till six,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: and she sees her kids for like an hour in
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: the morning, half an hour at night, and she hates it. Yeah, like,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: you're doing the best with what you can right now
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: with the situation that you're in, you know, beating yourself up,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: like you wouldn't be your best friend up, so why
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: beat yourself up about it? And doesn't achieve or change anything.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: But sometimes guilt is that little like you know when
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: you get a text message like ding ding. Sometimes if
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I get guilt, I'm like ding ding, Okay, what's happening
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: for me? This doesn't feel good? Okay, I'm not going
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: to do this again? Or how can I change this?
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Or what can I do better so that I don't
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: have to feel this for a long time? Yes, So
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: now inquiry. It's self inquiry, and it's knowing you have
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: choice to change. It's like, Okay, I've had this busy
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: season and now I'm starting to try and get back
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: into a normal routine. I'm still visiting, makes it a lot, obviously,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: and I'm still doing my work, but I'm trying to
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: find a new rhythm that feels good for me and
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: feels good for Tala and for Steve and supports everyone
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: as well as myself.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: Question any more kids?
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Yes? Or no?
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: And why no?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: No? I mean I've always thought I would have two boys.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: So there's this like tiny little part of me that
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: feels like there's still a little boy there for me.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I just always joined to being a mom of two boys.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: And my mum said to me a little while ago,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: she said, maybe you'll adopt or maybe you know, one
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: of TAJA's friends will need a home because his home
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: is broken, and you'll take them in. But I feel
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: like there's a boy energy somewhere around me. I'm not sure,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: but for me, I think I'm done. Steve is forty five.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I'm thirty six. If we were younger, I would have
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: another big age gap, definitely go a third. But yeah,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: with Steve's age, his dad passed when he was fifty two,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: I think, and both of us didn't have dads at
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: our weddings. Both of us didn't have dads for all
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: of our important days. And Steve's like, I just want
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: to be around for all of my kids things and
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: I have them too late. I'm worried I won't be
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: able to walk my daughter down the aisle. You know what,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: if I don't live a long life, I want to
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: be there for all those important days for them. Yeah.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I just really love our dynamic. I really love our lifestyle.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I really got one of each gender. They're both healthy,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: they're both happy. I just really love what we've got. Yeah,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like anything's missing. Not that I felt
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: that with Taj either, but when I had Tala, I
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: just felt this sense of we are complete. Yeah, there's
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: little moments where I'm like, oh, one more would be nice,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: but not enough to have another child. Yeah, Like i'd
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: be happy if Steve got the snip. Yeah he's refusing,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: but I work on it. And I love being an
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: auntie too as well, Like I love all my friends'
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: kids as well. And I feel like with two, I
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: have a really nice balance of being able to live
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: out my passions, spend time with my girlfriends on trips,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: have date nights, spend quality time with my kids, give
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: them a great life. Yeah, I feel like I really
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: have it all. Yeah. I love that I really have
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: it all.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: It's such a beautiful thing because you've got time to
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: be able to allocate for all of the things that
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: you love and prioritize that you value out of your life.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: And I feel even with two, And I don't know
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: if any other mums relate, but I feel since I've
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: had Tala, it's harder to give Tarj as much quality
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: time as what I gave from the first five and
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: a half years when it was just him. I was
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: so used to being able to give him all of
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: my energy. As you know, she's quite allowed energy. She
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: requires a lot more attention, a lot more of me,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: And because she's younger, he is more self sufficient and
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: independent and naturally has gone to her, especially when I
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: was breastfeeding whatever. So I feel like having a third
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I would give the quality of
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: time that I want to give my children that I
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: feel like my kids need. Yes, I look at moms
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: that have five, like your mom has had five. I
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: got plenty of friends that have three, and they fucking
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: nail for me personally, I think, I don't know. Maybe
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be as patient and I would feel guilty
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: that I couldn't give them what I think they need.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I love what I've got going on right now. I
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: love that so good.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: I'd be curious to know some topics that you don't
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: talk about online and why, like vaccinations, circumcision and all
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: the really taboo topics in motherhood that people just tend
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: to stray away from.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Likely you talk about vaccinations and circumcision online, you're asking
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: for a death sentence.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: Oh shit, am I asking for a death sentence?
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'll give you my perspective. I don't have
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: a strong opinion on any of it. Yeah, I have
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: done a lot of study into both, with circumcision or
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: not getting circumcised, vaccinations, not getting vaccinations. I've got friends
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: that do it, I've got friends that don't. I am
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: honestly hand in my heart, whatever feels good for you.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: And then I've had friends that haven't got vaccinated and
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: then the kids have gotten sick and they've carried guilty
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: around that and thought, what if I did get them vaccinated,
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: would that not being the case. I had another girlfriend
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: who her sister got vaccinated when she was younger developed
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: having fits and seizures, and they said it was from
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: the vaccinations. So their next child they didn't get vaccinated.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: They've been perfectly fine. Yes, you can look up online
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: for everything that is four vaccinations and feel so good
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: with your decision. You can look up the other way
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: and it's everything of why not to get your kids vaccinated,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: and you could feel good on that decision. There is
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: literally pros and cons and studies done on both. So
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: whatever feels good for you and your family, I respect
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: what you want to do. Yeah, let's just have that
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: for each other. And you're going to make a decision
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: based on your beliefs, based on your study, your research,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: and then circumcision.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a whole other canalorms.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: It's a whole of the can of worms. Once again,
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: I did research pros and cons to both ye and
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: it was really eye opening. And once again, whatever feels
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: right for you. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: what's the right thing to do for your child's penis. Yeah,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: it's not my place. I had a girlfriend once, an
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: old high school girlfriend, and she was getting you're infections
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: all the time, and her partner was not circumcised, and
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: the doctor taught him how to clean his penis properly,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: and he was doing it properly, and it just never
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: went away. They kind of said it wasn't because of that.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: They went to this new doctor and she was like,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I guarantee if you get circumcised, you run affectuals to
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: go away. So we did it when I got circumcised.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: She's never had one sense. Well, because it's just more bacteria.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: It's harder to clean it to clean. But then, yeah,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: I understand there's once again, different cultures that believe in
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: doing it, that don't believe in doing it.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, everyone to their own, each.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: To their own. It's not my place to insert my
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: opinion and tell you what to do with your genitals.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not one of those things as well, where
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: it's like one size fits all. It's like everyone has
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: their own seat of beliefs there instead of you. Even
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: religions and things like that, but yeah, that are unique
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: to a specific set of beliefs and behaviors of what
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: they do and how they behave, and like that's okay.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: How can you tell someone to get circumcised or to
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: not get circumcised if their religion believes that is the
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: right thing to do or their culture that's what they've
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: done for centuries. Who are you to come and say
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: do this or don't do that. Yeah, that's my blow
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: to me. I would never think that's okay. Yeah, I
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: totally respect religions and cultures and what they do is
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: what they do, you know. Yeah, So that's my opinion
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: on it.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: My question for you is what important values that you
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: and Steve both want to teach the kids as they're
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: growing up now.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Good question. Kindness is probably the main one that I
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: talk about often. I just think it's always a choice.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: A really value kind considerate people, and considerations. One I've
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: more learned since meeting you, because it's such a high
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: value of yours. It's to always consider. You can still
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: have your own boundaries and make your own decisions, but
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I think it's really beautiful to consider those around that
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: you love, how it might impact them, how it may
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: make them feel. Kindness, respect, honesty, and good work ethic.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I think good work ethic has served me so much.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with much, and I'm so grateful
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: for it. I used to get so jealous of my friends.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: It could just take money out of their parents' wallets,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: or they go the movies and the parents with throw
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: them a yellow fifty dollars.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: No.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to work from when I was thirteen
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: years old, and I'm so grateful. I did so grateful
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: my parents pushed me to work and earn my own money.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: It's like, really serve me. My mum's always reckon. I
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: just had that within me, like good work ethic and
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: very driven. Yeah. Yeah, I really want my kids to
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: have good work ethic and be able to work by
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: themselves and also within a team. Yeah, it's important distinction
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: that kindness, respect, honesty, good work ethic. Yeah, probably top
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: there's lots of them, but yeah, yeah were my top ones.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: I love that. It's funny.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: I remember having a conversation and we were sitting on
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: your lounge and Taj was there and he wanted something
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: and you were like, all right, no worries.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Well, in order to have that, you have to work
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: for it.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: So what we're going to do is we're going to
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: write out a list of chores that you can do,
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: then we can accumulate the money so that you can
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: then go and buy that thing. Yeah.
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: And it was just really cool to see.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Because it was just such a healthy conversation. There was
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: no pressure, there was no nothing. It was just like,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: in order to have that, this is what we do,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: and we work for those things.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Mom and Daddy can't just buy that for you. We
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: have to go out and earn that as well. Money
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: isn't grow on trees.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And teaching in the value of money, yeah, exactly,
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: and responsibility and all of those things that come underneath
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: a good work ethic.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: We had to actually pull ourselves up because he asked
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: to borrow money to buy something, and we were like, cool,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: you can learn the art of like paying back and
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: earning it. But then he wanted to borrow again, and
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Steve was like, oh, hang on, no, you don't go
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: into debt all the time. If you want something, you
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: earn it. So he stopped lending him money and doing
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: that borrowing thing because it started to become a frequent thing.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I was proud that he was honoring his word to
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: pay back because my mum said that was something I
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: was really good at. My brother's not so much is
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: borrowing money. I would pay it back as soon as
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: I had it, as my brothers would kind of like
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: stretch it out and hope she forgot about it, and
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: that really upset my mum. And so I wanted him
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: to know that if he ever borrows anything, that he
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: needs to pay that back as soon as he can.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: But then Steve was like, yeah, I don't want to
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: teach him that you can just get what you want
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: and then pay it back later.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: So now it's like, if you want something, you've got
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: to earn that first. Oh.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: It was cool to go through that.
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: I mean just like removing the element of the borrowing
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: and going instead of just doing this funny you just
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: focus on making more, yeah, or earning it so that
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: you don't have to dip into that side of things.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Yea, I want him to learn to work hard, but
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I also don't want him to have the same belief
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: that I had that you have to go through bloods
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: and tears to earn a dollar. Yeah, I want him
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: to be in the belief that manifestation and being in
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: a frequency to be able to attract and hold a
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: certain level of finances and not be limited. So that's
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: what I'm kind of like trying to navigate now, is
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I want him to know how to work hard, and
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: you do have to work hard and be disciplined and
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: be determined to get what you want. Like I from
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: my work now, it's very playful, it's very fun. It's
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: easy for me to make money being me doing what
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I love. It really is, and I'm so grateful to
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: be here now, but it took a long time to
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: get there. Yeah, So I kind of want him to
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: go along a similar journey without as much pain stress.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know, it's hard to explain, but then pain
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: and stress has served me as well. I'm trying to
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: navigate that and how to teach that. Yeah, Yeah, how.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: Do you coat yourself when you're trigated?
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: By one of the kids. How do you behave do
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: you blame the kids, do you take responsibility or comes
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: up for you in the moment? Process out of it?
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: A bit of all of it? Yeah, yeah, once again,
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: not perfect. Yeah, but I feel like for the most part,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: if I ever react in a way that I'm not
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: proud of, Like say, if I argue back or raise
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: my voice slightly, I'm very quick to recover. Now I'll
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: straight away be like, oh, okay, Mommy didn't mean to yell. Yeah,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a breath. I'm really sorry. That was
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: not your fault. Give me a moment and let's talk
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: about it. Like I'm very quick to recover now when
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: I'm triggered breathing or take big breaths, or I'll look
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: at Steve and literally like mouth to him, I'm struggling,
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: I'm tapped, and he'll see that and he'll take them
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: from me so I can go and have a minute.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: Or with Tyler if she's very noisy with her tangents
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: or big emotions, I will hold her, wrap her legs
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: around my waist and put her heart on my heart
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: and just like sway and rock with her. So it's
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: movement and then I'll be like either stroking her back
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: or tapping her back, and I just focus on my
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: breath because I can't regulate her until I'm regulated. They're
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: not acting out or having big emotions to be a
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: little assholes. They are having an emotional experience, and if
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: you go in with more energy, it's only going to
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: make it bigger. You have to go on with the
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: calm to calm the storm down. But parenting, the hardest
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: thing is actually staying regulated yourself. It's not your kids,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: it's you. I'd imagine it's you, And that was the
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: biggest parenting lesson up I think learned in the last
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: couple of years. So that's why I'm so passionate. I
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: think day to day about nervous system regulation because the
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: more I do to day to stay regulated, the more
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I can help my kids regulate, and the more I
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: can stay calm in those moments of triggers. Sometimes I
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: just need a lot out of a bit of noise. Sometimes
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: I'll just be like, oh, yeah, okay, what's going on YouTube,
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Like why are you fighting? Let's sort it out, Taji,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: you play with that toy taralang and to take you
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: outside to pick some flowers. Let's just separate from a moment,
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: take some breast, regulate, and then come back together. Yeah.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: But sometimes I feel like a little bit of noise
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: helps me.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like that that frustration.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just a bit of energy.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Yes, so it is right, just energy in motion. Try
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: to move that energy out of your body.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes I'll put in a song and just down
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: sit out with them. Sometimes they're resistant to it, and
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, fine, I'm just gonna dance and I'll move
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: my body and get myself regulated. Then I can bring
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: playfulness to the situation. That's really helpful distraction. Sometimes if
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: they're disregulated, I'm feeling disregulated, I'm like, oh my god,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: let's go out and keep the footy outside. I'll get outside,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: moving the body again. It's a lot of movement, actually, yeah, yeah,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: a lot of movement for us works really really well.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: And I try not to ever numb them out or
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: distract with food or with TV, because I don't want
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: them growing up thinking, oh, I'm just regulated. I'm gonna eat,
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I'm just regulated. I'm gonna numb out with TV. So
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I always try to go to nature, movement, breath, noise, play, connection. Yeah,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: they're probably my main go to and depending on the
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: situation as to what tool that I'll pull out.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: Which is beautiful, right, because you're just mirroring with the
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: kids what you do for yourself already exactly, just why
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: it's so important to be able to anchor yourself first
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: and focus on yourself first so that you can then
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: be a mirror and a role model for them because
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: you automatically go to those.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Things because you do it for yourself. Yes, how beautiful
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: is that?
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: But it's interesting because each kid and you were so different.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: So for ages, I would try and get Taj to
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: meditate and breathe and he was so resistant. I was
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: getting so frustrated, and then I was like, oh my gosh,
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: I don't go to breath and meditation straight away. I
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: go to movement. Exercise for me has saved my life.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: And when I had this realization one day, I actually
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: learned to offer holistic psychologist. She was saying, she does
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: the same thing. She's like, I can't go to meditation
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: and breath because I'm two worked up. I need to
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: physically move this energy out of my body then I
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: can take a breath. So she'll go for a crazy
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: powerful run or punch a boxing bag. So I tested
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: with Tag one day when he was really dysregulated, so
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell him to breathe or anything.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna go for a walk, pretty
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: shoes on. He's like, I don't want to go for
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: a walk. No, No, It's like, we're going for a walk.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I tell you what. A couple of steps out the door,
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: it stays completely changed. So we continue walking and then
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: I can actually say what was going on back there? Oh,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: it was really frustrating when Tyler took this off me
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: and then I felt like you were on her side
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: and this happened, and then I just got really frustrated,
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: and then I got sad, and then I got overwhelmed,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: and then I started to cry and all this I've
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: got to come out. And I was like, cool, okay, yeah,
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: how do you feel now? He's like yeah, I feel better.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: I'm like see how walking and like moving your body
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: feels really good. Next time you get like that, we're
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: going straight outside. Ah, And it was like this, WHOA cool?
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: And then when he's regulated, then he's opened during the meditation.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: So each kid's going to be so different. He doesn't
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: love cuddles when he's just regulated. Yeah, he needs a
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: bit of time by himself sometimes, whereas Tyler wants to
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: be wrapped around me heart to heart. I'm taking big
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: breaths and I can, like literally you can hear her
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: cries go quiet and quiet, and then it's little until
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: she stops, and I'll wait till like I can feel
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: her heart rates slow down and mine's slowed down, and
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: then she's good. Oh. So it's different for each kid
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: and for myself, and different for whatever the situation is too.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: So learning, learning, draggling.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Outing, and as they grow and develop, it's going to
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: change for them. So it's just being opened and trying
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: to figure it out. But then my tools, oh so good,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: so good.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: It gets me excited for the day that I become mom.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Yes, you'll be such a good mine.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: Definitely going to be plugging in here into our chat
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: with lots of voice messages. Being in a relationship for
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: seventeen years, You've got two children now, you also have
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: a lot on your workplate. How do you make time
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: for sex and intimacy?
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good question. Okay, the starters. The first thing that
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: comes to my mind is weekends are great for us. Yeah,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Tyler still has a sleep for two hours. That gives
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: us plenty of time for pleasure, intimacy, sex, just being together.
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: So the lunch break, you know what happens at twelfth
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: third every Saturday and Sunday actually and Steve it in
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: the bedroom so good. So that's like twice a week
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: that we just know we have locked in with each
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: other and we love that and we are not great
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: at the moment. We try and book in a date
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: night once a week because it's just so important to
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: have that time and to be honest, Like last date
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: night we went on, we were gone for an hour
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: and a half and we got back. His mum was like,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: why do you two never stay up long? It's literally
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: quarter past six, Like, because just that quality time, it
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a lot of time. That quality
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: time to just have a couple of uninterrupted conversations and
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: debriefs of what's going on in our life feels our
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: cup up and feel so connected. The little moments of
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: intimacy every single day are really important to me, and
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: this is something we've both consciously been working on for
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: a while now. It's like those daily physical touches where
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: that's wet. Were sitting on the couch and we're cuddling
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: the hand on the lap in the kitchen, slappers us
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: or you know, for a cuddle behind, or he'll do
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: the same for me. I love those little moments of touch.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's flirting and it keeps our spark
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: and desire for each other quite alive. Recently, since I
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: suppose you've been in a relationship and you sharing that
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: you're wearing lingerie, I'm like, oh, I forgot about lingerie. Damn.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: If I had a wife, I would love her to
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: wear lingerie. Why the fuck am I not doing that?
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Andree is so hot you would send me a photo
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: on your lingerie. I'm like, damn, I want to do
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: that for Steve. So I started wearing lingerie again, like
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: little sexy nineties and putting on music when we're intimate,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: and I feel like it's just made me more excited
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: for it again. Sexy text messages is fun. Staycase if
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: you can. I feel like for Steve and for me,
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: really expressing a appreciation, oh yeah, like for little things
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: that they've done, whether it's helping with the kids, whether
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: it's how hard he's working, how much he's holding, whether
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: he's supporting me when I've been with Megsie, I'm just like,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: I fucking appreciate you so much. I think appreciation goes
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: such a long way, and yet when you're in a
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: relationship long term, I think people just forget about those
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: things that actually have huge impact makes them still feel
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: really special and loved. So that's big for me as well.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Would you say appreciation in the sense of words or
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: actions or how does that look like?
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Both? But more words words? Yeah, whether it's through text
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: or like verbally just saying yeah, I can see Steve's
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: whole body like soften when I say that to him. Yeah,
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: he's not a super wordsy man like I wouldn't say
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: he expresses a lot. He does, but not to the
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: extent of like some people. But I can see how
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: much he really loves that.
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, goes a long way.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: It goes a long way.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: Beautiful. Yeah, oh so good.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'd love to know as well, Like, what's
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: one lesson that you you wish that somebody had told
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: you before becoming a mom that you could pass on.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: I think back to what I was saying at the start,
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: just to be so flexible and adaptable. Every season, every child,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: every age, every chapter, everything is forever changing. As much
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: as I love structure and I'm a routine mamma through
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: and through, you have to be flexible to adapt to them,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: to you, to your relationship because it's forever changing. I
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: have changed so much in this last six months, in
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: the last year, and the last five years. I look
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: back at myself when I was twenty, I'm like, who
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: are you like? I don't resonate with her at all. Yes,
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: the way she thought, the way she showed up, the
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: way she even ate. Everything I did feels like a
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: lifetime ago. So just being really flexible, adaptable, and also
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: just not to compare. I really hate the comparison and
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I still get caught up in it sometimes. I literally
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: it's not in New Years Levi's kids. I did not
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: hear them cry. I didn't hear them winge. They ate
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: all the dinner wellcave kids. And I went home to Steve.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, did you notice that? He's like no,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: I didn't notice, And I was like, why does Tala
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: win so much? He's like, We're not going there. Yes,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: we're not doing that, babe. Tala is amazing and so sweet,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: and I was like, I know all of that. I
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: just was like, she did something more we can do
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: to have more well baved kids. And I got in
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: this moment quickly. He was like, no, we're not doing that.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Our kids are perfect the way they are. They're expressing
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: how they need to express. They're all different. Maybe they
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: were just feeling really good, and maybe Tyler was overwhelmed
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: with all the people. You know, she was overwhelmed. There's
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: a lot of people there. Yeah, And it quickly like
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: snapped me back in. So I think comparison, we all
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: do it, but please don't. There is no right or
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: wrong for when they have to achieve their milestone. Yes. Yeah,
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: I get messages all the time, like even with Tyler,
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's using a fork. How did you
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: teach that? My kid doesn't use folks? I only wants
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: to use his hands. I'm like, cool, let him use
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: his hands. Yeah, let him experiment and feel the textures
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: of the food and play with it and get messy
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: and have fun. Make that dinner time a really positive experience.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: What does it matter if he doesn't use a fork? Yeah,
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: And it's like nappy's Taj was in nappies till he
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: was like three and a half, and I remember copying
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: so much hate online. I'm like, he's not gonna be
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: in nappies when he's ten. He's fine, Like it's okay
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: that he's in nappies a little bit later than what
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: your kid is. Yeah, and like within two days he
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: was tallt trained because there was no pressure. Yeah, he
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: did it when he was ready.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, Like not making anything that you're experiencing wrong just
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: because me look different to somebody else.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: Let them be. I don't know, just go with the flow.
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: Just let them, just let them.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Mal Roberts. So good.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: Actually, this is an epic even I know, for anyone
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: who's not a mom, for mom's existing mums, all of them,
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: any woman who is listening, and just even for me,
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: like I know we have these conversations all the time.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Just it's beautiful to.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Hear these things and to just hear your real, raw
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: experience of like how you do manage it, because you
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: do hold a lot and it's very impressive, and it
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: just also it's cool for others to hear that you're
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: still a human and that you have moments that you
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: go through your own challenges as well.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone does. Thank you. It was cool to talk
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: about and I love all these conversations. I think mums
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: are scared to be open about this type of stuff
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: because there is so much judgment. Guarantee this episode will
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: end up in a gossip page. I'll get send a
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: screenshot where someone's bagging out what I said about circus
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: mission or vaccinations or screen time. There will be thousands
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: of people who totally disagree with what I'm saying. There'll
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: also be thousands of women that are like, oh my gosh,
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: thank you for not making me feel so alone. Yes,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: thank you for normalizing that if I'm sick or my
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: kid's sick, they can watch a cartoon. Yes, thank you
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: for normalizing that it's okay if my kid's a bit
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: slower at talking or whatever. It's a controversial topic, motherhood.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: But I'm not here to please everyone. I'm here to
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: just share my journey and take what you want from it,
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: leave what you want from it, and I hope it
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: lands for someone.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: All right, ladies, we will see you on the next episode.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: Bye.