Latest / Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship / #162 - Listen to Your "Bestie Brain," Not Your "Bully Brain" (September Challenge with Leslie Randolph)

Transcript

#162 - Listen to Your "Bestie Brain," Not Your "Bully Brain" (September Challenge with Leslie Randolph) · Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: are willingness to feel any emotion and absolutely in friendship, but this is for anything.
• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Anyone wanting to start a business or go after a dream, we need to be willing to feel all those feelings because if we're not afraid of the feeling, there's nothing we're afraid of.
• 0:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: except regret.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here is what I know too about self-confidence.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a genetic lottery ticket.
• 0:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not something that one person is born with and someone else is not.
• 0:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not something you get because you look a certain way or you have a certain skill.
• 0:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence of the skill.
• 0:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: self-confidence is a skill that you develop and it is a choice you make.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you choose to know who you are, so the people that I want to be around, my personality, my voice, my values.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Knowing who you are, you love that person and you believe in her.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those are all choices that you can make.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: because you can choose to believe the goodness and you choose to believe that you can do what you want, that you can make the friends that you want.
• 0:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a journey you're forever on.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I always say I'm really skilled in self-confidence because I'm so intimately acquainted with doubt and fear.
• 1:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: It does not exist in a silo.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence comes with the doubt, comes with the fear, comes with the insecurity, it's just that willingness to keep going even when they're there.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Gier Nina Conversations About Friendship.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am your host, Nina Badson.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have been writing about friendship since, since, twenty-fourteen and podcasting since, twenty-twenty-one.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am so happy to have you here for the September Challenge at the soda-one sixty-two.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been doing these challenges for all of twenty-twenty-five, practically every month of the challenge does focus on
• 1:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: What can you be doing to strengthen your friendships?
• 1:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: What behaviors can you be doing to make the people in your life feel their important to you or to meet new people and now what can others be doing for you?
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you've seen that theme this month's challenge September
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: takes advantage of the energy of the new school year, the new season that will be coming at the end of September.
• 2:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's something about the school year energy.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even if you don't have anything to do with school as like you don't have a kid who's in school or you don't have a job that has anything to do with the school year.
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, I guess I'm assuming that.
• 2:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can let me know.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I, in my life, have never had a break from the school year.
• 2:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was a student and then a college student and then a graduate student and then an English teacher and high school and middle school.
• 2:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still teach adult writing classes that goes on a school year schedule.
• 2:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have four kids, the oldest of which is twenty one now.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's just a lot of school year.
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the energy I'm feeling for the September challenge.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: The most original challenge I think I've had.
• 2:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: This challenge is about listening to your bestie brain over your bully brain.
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: which is terminology learned from today's guest Leslie Randolph.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: She talks a lot about self-confidence.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's a certified coach.
• 2:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's a motivational speaker, a TEDx speaker.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's a workshop facilitator and she's committed to helping tweens and teens cultivate self-confidence.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she works with adults to deal with the teen that lives inside all of us dealing with self-confidence issues.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been on Leslie's podcast as well, called Why Didn't They Tell Us?
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: She's such a nice way about her.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love my episode on her show.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: We spoke about fitting in belonging what that means and what it means to have an authentic friendship.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I knew I had to have her on.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love the way she explains things.
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've never really focused on the topic of self confidence.
• 3:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So this listening to your bestie brain over your bully brain is just one of several things we talk about.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I pulled it out for the September challenge because I liked the idea of
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Challenging us, and I always include myself.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I do all the challenges too, which can all be found in the show notes.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll have a link that will lead you to January through August.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then, of course, this is September's.
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I do all the challenges too.
• 3:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are all things that help me.
• 3:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: With the September one, I'd like the idea of part of the month.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: It might only be one time.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It might be one time this month that you stop your thought, you stop your assumptions, and you might even have to save the words to yourself.
• 4:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to listen to my bestie brain today instead of my bully brain.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you might be listening to this episode, not in September, fine, whatever month it is.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Choose a day this month, and may happen naturally.
• 4:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may not be able to say, okay, on the fifteenth of this month, I'm going to have this thought.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not how life works.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But try to catch yourself sometime in this month, telling yourself a story that might not be true.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the bully inside of us.
• 4:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen to the bestying side of us, and again, Leslie's term is not mine, but I loved it.
• 4:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: So thank you Leslie for that terminology.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: We need that healthy sense of confidence to make new friends at every single stage of life adults need to make new friends all the time.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't even just need to make new friends because you move.
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may live in the same town forever, but you are in a new stage of life.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not working as much anymore.
• 4:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're divorced.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're single and your friends are married.
• 4:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're married and your friends are single.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have kids and your friends don't have kids.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have kids and your friends do have kids.
• 5:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You realize that everyone in your life is exactly like you and you would like to make older friends, younger friends, friends of a different background.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are so many reasons why you might want to make new friends.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's also about keeping the friends that you are making along the way, which takes some confidence, not listening to the bullying side of us that tells us that someone's mad at us, that people don't like us.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I will have ways in the show notes that you can let me know if you
• 5:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: At any time, this month took the challenge to listen to that bestie brain over that bully brain.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you'll do it.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to try it.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know there's times that I absolutely doubt myself and I tell myself a story that isn't true and I'm going to think of Leslie's advice.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you enjoy this interview as much as I did.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's welcome Leslie to the show.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hi, Leslie.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Dear Nina.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'm so excited to be here, Nina.
• 5:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I loved being on your podcast.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's fun.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like I came to your house and now you're a guest in my house.
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're swapping play dates.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's perfect.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't do that that often.
• 5:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love the way you approach confidence and relationships so much.
• 6:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would like to start by having you define confidence, self confidence.
• 6:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, because there is a difference actually between confidence and self-confidence.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: So my definition of self-confidence is that it is a feeling that comes from your thinking.
• 6:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is a feeling that comes from your thinking of knowing who you are, loving that amazing human, believing in her.
• 6:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: It is the product of taking courageous action even when every other emotion is present.
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a big definition.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it is no one loving trusting and believing in you and
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: the product of taking courageous action even when every other emotion is present.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: That last part is so important.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm jumping out of my chair because I'm excited to hear you say it that way.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I try so hard to get people to understand that when they are in a situation to make new friends at any age that it's really never easy.
• 6:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like it gets easier.
• 6:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your point is we grow in self-confidence by doing things even when it's hard.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not about it being easy.
• 7:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard and we do it anyway.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said it so perfectly.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we think like, oh, but I feel nervous.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel doubt.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I feel scared.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm not going to take this action.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the truth is, you cultivate self-confidence when you notice those emotions and you take action anyway.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those emotions can be there, as long as you are a human with breath in your body, you're gonna feel those feelings.
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: You just can't let them be the decision-makers in who you go up to and who you introduce yourself to.
• 7:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's actually the willingness to feel those feelings that allow you to cultivate the confidence.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: That whole piece about willingness, I think that might be the difference between people who forge ahead and do make new friends and people who don't.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can you talk a little bit about that?
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I couldn't agree more, right?
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's noticing that emotion, but not giving it the microphone in your mind.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said self-confidence is a feeling that comes from your thinking, so we'll tie it to the front end of that definition.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: If we're focusing on all those, what if worst case scenarios or mind reading of what they might think of me?
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're not going to be able to take that courageous action.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're going to be paralyzed by that fear in that doubt.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's why we need to bring some new thoughts to the party of focusing on what's like a bull that me, focusing on what I could bring to that friendship, focusing on what I like about that person.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: The what ifs are always an imaginary story, most of the thoughts that we think are, the stories that we're telling ourselves.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if we're going to tell ourselves this fictional story about how they're going to be rude to me and they're not going to like me,
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: We might as well tell the fictional story about how they're going to welcome me.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're going to love who I am because I'm lovable.
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm likable.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have these gifts that I can bring to any friendship.
• 8:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have to be willing to poke holes in the story that doubt and fear tell us.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I want to be really clear, Nina, that doesn't mean they go away.
• 8:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Fear and doubt are going to come with you to the lunch table or the conaster table or the new group of friends or whatever event where you might be needing the networking event for business owners.
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Fear and doubt are going to be there, but they're not the ones that call the shots.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence is.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: The one that loves you believes in you and says you got this and I'm right here with you.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love this idea of flipping the script that makes perfect sense to me like if you're going to take the time to tell yourself negative things about how the experience will go and they're not true or it may be that it may be that it doesn't work out but you don't know yet you might as well was the word I'm looking for like make it a self-fulfilling prophecy in the positive way.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely, because we never know.
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: We just start believing that story.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if we believe that story, we're never going to take courage as action, because that courage as action is actually terrifying.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if we believe that other story even just a little and take that step, say the hello, that's the only way we can prove either story true.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: The problem is a lot of people just believe that story.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think my life changed when I realized that the thoughts that I think are not facts.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: and they're not truth.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: The thoughts that we think are not facts.
• 10:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that's right.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And especially when we're reading other people's minds or predicting the future, those are two red flags of, oh, I could challenge this thinking.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if I did, what other story could I believe?
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: But so often we just think that our thoughts are like the weather report.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's sunny and seventy six degrees and she doesn't like me.
• 10:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so true.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm laughing because of the truth of it.
• 10:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I do often talk a lot on this podcast about assuming the best of people and how it really is the best thing for friendship.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: What you're saying are really directions for how to do that because it's easy to say assume the best what you're saying is you assume the best by flipping the script and self talking.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: actually say into yourself, these positive things are going to happen, or they are thinking these positive things.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You go fill in the blank instead of the negative that you've been putting in to the blank.
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: One hundred percent, or you can just neutralize it in my coaching practice, because I work predominantly with teens, the way that I sometimes think about it.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you'll actually love this, Nina, is that we either have like a bully brain or a bestie brain.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the bestie brain is the one that, you know, she's assuming positive intent.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's seeing that positive outcome.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: She's seeing the goodness in you and why people would want to be your friends and then the bully brain is the opposite that what if that worst case scenario focusing on all your faults and your failures and the last time that you tried to make a friend and she
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: So remind you of that story very frequently, right?
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: We can choose to believe the bully.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: We can choose to believe the best of you.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thoughts are not facts.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Their choice is that you make.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You get to choose the story.
• 11:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or you can go neutral.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because sometimes it's really hard to believe that bestie voice I get it.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: But we could go like, I have no idea what people think about me.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have no idea what will happen.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the only way to find out is to take that courage as action.
• 12:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's really smart.
• 12:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: That neutral voice maybe is a more comfortable first step for people who are trying to flip from the negative voice that has been speaking to them, just that neutral.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of being so sure and so certain that you know what's going to happen.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: In a weird ironic way, having such
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: firm, negative voice that always knows how badly things are going to go is a weird kind of confidence.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like, you're so sure you're so smart.
• 12:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know how that person is thinking.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know I'm being a little negative about it, but when I think about it, I'm really thinking of myself.
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to even speak for other people.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I've ever gone into a situation, I certainly have where I'm a thousand percent sure with the other person's thinking, wow, I must really be a genius.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: that I know, you've got to really fight yourself on that.
• 12:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: We just fight our inner odd confidence that we know so much better, but other people are thinking, yeah, I mean, I would put that towards a false confidence.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, certainly not rooted in loving and believing in yourself.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's certainly won't propel you to take courageous actions, probably more than uncomfortable comfort.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's root this in real life examples.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know you have a major one from your life.
• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, about eleven years ago, I moved from my hometown, which is actually your hometown and a hometown that even though Nina does not live here anymore, most people do not leave.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like we are born here.
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are raised here.
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: We may be going away for college and then we come back here and raise our kids.
• 13:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a rinse and repeat.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's less than talking about Highland Park Illinois or just that whole area.
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you know the North Shore?
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: The North Shore.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like tough one.
• 13:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: We all stick to it.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Less than that for a while, but then came back.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I did and we moved to Johannesburg South Africa and we lived there for four and a half years.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's always one of my favorite stories to tell is that when I found out we were moving, we moved from a husband's job.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said,
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: How long is this going to be?
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he said, a year, you're in half tops.
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, four and a half years later, let me tell you.
• 13:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I didn't have the comforts of all these long time friends.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, listen, I didn't have the comforts of anything.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was in a new country.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was learning new customs and cultures where you and your twenties or thirties.
• 14:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just need a sense.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was in my thirties and I moved there with a thirteenth month old and I was six months pregnant when I got there.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh my goodness.
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, when I say it and have my comforts, I also had been working my whole life and I no longer had my job to define me.
• 14:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you want to look at this through that lens of self-confidence.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: All those thoughts that I could think about myself, they were really hard to find because so many of those thoughts were rooted in the reflection of my friends, the job that I had had.
• 14:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was almost like an identity crisis.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what I do know about me, I love people.
• 14:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am a social creature.
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love connection.
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now here I am in a country where I knew no one.
• 14:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was pretty stubborn when I moved.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a nice contingency of South Africans here in the North Shore, but I was like, I don't need to talk to any of them.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I talked to one and then after that I was like, no, I'm gonna figure it out myself.
• 15:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: That would be like people who could have connected you with, oh, I have a cousin or something like that.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: You got it.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, I was like, I'm going to figure it out myself.
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: That was a different kind of confidence.
• 15:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then once I got there, it was up to me.
• 15:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I remember making it my mission that I was going to find friends.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I didn't, I don't think I would have been okay.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'll never forget we had lived there for ten days.
• 15:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: My husband had to leave for two weeks.
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it was me and a thirteen month old in this new country.
• 15:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you want to talk about willingness.
• 15:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I remember this moment of like, okay, so I can get in the car and take this kid out for lunch and figure out how to drive on the other side of the road and navigate and do all the things.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or I am going to stay in this house and I will probably never leave.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I got in the car and I went to a restaurant that was really kid friendly just down the road and I went up to a woman who was on a table with a kid about my son's age and I said, hi, my name's Leslie, I'm from America.
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got that an hour before my kids now.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: What would you recommend we do after lunch?
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Wait, we just have to appreciate that.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's really hard.
• 16:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Leslie, I'm so impressed.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, times I look back at her, Leslie, bold, Leslie, though, I'd decide that.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I thank her so much.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am also impressed with her because there was a lot of fear.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And there were tons of fears, not just the thought that this woman could look at me and be like, who are you?
• 16:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, why are you talking to me?
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why are you coming up to my table?
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to say something.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't forget where we are in the story.
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I did a short solo episode about something I called freshman energy and how it's easier to make friends.
• 16:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know, those first not even just two weeks, but like the first four to eight hours of freshman year of college.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everybody's in that same.
• 16:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: mind space of, it wouldn't be weird to go up to a table then.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It would be, I don't know, weird to the right word, but it wouldn't be as uncomfortable because everyone's in the same boat.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was moving my son into college.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember it from my own freshman year experience.
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so not going to walk by someone's open door with their parents in it.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, hey, my son Sam.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey, Sam, I'm Jared from Cleveland with people who did that.
• 16:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: People just walked by and then he would walk by and he'd be like, hey, what's up?
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm in room five.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, four.
• 17:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's all this openness by maybe a month in, not as much.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what you did, it was like you went in there with freshman energy, but it's like she lived there.
• 17:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like she had freshman energy.
• 17:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's what I'm saying about how brave it was.
• 17:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's really hard to be the new person in a place where other people aren't new.
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is in percent so much harder than everyone's new together.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: So much as a different universe.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to steal freshman energy because I love it so much.
• 17:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: It still requires that willingness, that courageous action.
• 17:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: The thing about courage is, by definition, you won't need courage when fear is present.
• 17:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Courage sounds so noble.
• 17:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: Think about courage.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: You only need courage if you feel afraid.
• 17:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: So even walking by those doors, there has to be some courage there because you have to challenge that belief up.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna think it's so weird.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure I don't remember, Leslie, eleven years ago, walking up to that table.
• 17:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm sure there was a thought of, she's gonna think this is so weird.
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: But for me, and probably for freshmen too, this sounds dire.
• 18:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can't think of a more poetic way to say it.
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the stakes were high for me.
• 18:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was really important that I found some people.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if it wasn't this girl, I was going to find someone else.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Turned out she became the fastest forever friend.
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will ever know our kids were born on the same day and they were ended up going to the same table pregnant my thirteen month old at the time was the same age as her kid.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: They went to the same preschool together.
• 18:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: She became one of my life rafts in South Africa.
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: She introduced me to people and to this day her birthdays coming up next weekend.
• 18:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know I'm gonna reach out to her.
• 18:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, and we're on the other side of the world now.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: She will forever be a friend, but it required that willingness.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a great origin story.
• 18:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure she has told it too.
• 18:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, and then Leslie came up to my table.
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of friendships just like romantic relationships have these meet cute origin stories either on accident or somebody made a brave first step.
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's how it is.
• 18:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely, but someone has to take it.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I always think it might as well be me, because if we're sitting and waiting for the other person, we could be waiting forever.
• 19:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And think about that for a moment through that lens of self-confidence, if we're waiting forever.
• 19:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, all of a sudden, those beliefs of loving and believing in you, they feel a lot harder to believe because we don't have evidence for them.
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's not because they're true.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's because you haven't taken action to prove them true.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: that you are likable, that you're someone people want to get to know, that you have gifts that people really gravitate towards.
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's your responsibility for people to get to know you.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's something I say to my clients all the time.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's my responsibility for people to get to know me and it's my responsibility to find my people.
• 19:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: When we take that ownership and then couple it with that self-confidence, that's a key to finding friends.
• 19:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's such a key, and I love what you're saying about having the evidence, okay, I've done it before.
• 19:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can do it again, and you have to create a track record for yourself.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't have a voice in your life that is constantly telling you how great you are, most people don't, you have to create it.
• 20:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And even if you do, you still need evidence to back it up, but wouldn't help just have someone
• 20:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: a parent, a grandparents, an aunt and uncle.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Wouldn't help to have those people just buttering you up all the time.
• 20:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a nice start.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: Of course you want to build your kids up or people you know in your life.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, evidence.
• 20:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: We need evidence to track record.
• 20:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you just touch on something that I think about often and particularly as we're raising kids.
• 20:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence is an inside job.
• 20:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Notice that that definition, it's all about you.
• 20:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's your thinking.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, if we could just inject our kids with self-confidence, what a wonderful world it would be if they could see themselves through our loving lens.
• 20:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: But that's not how self-confidence works because if you're not believing that for yourself, if you're not being that loving voice for you, even if you hear that external validation, you might not believe it.
• 20:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's really important that we learn how to talk to ourselves and think about ourselves in a really loving way.
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: As beautifully said, and this is why you describe yourself and your work makes total sense as self confidence coach for teens, but also for the teen inside all of us.
• 21:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's true.
• 21:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like we all could have used those voices.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: My grandmother of Flessed Memory, Grandma Pauline.
• 21:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were very, very close.
• 21:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: She used to say all the time in front of me about me.
• 21:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is Nina to know where is to love her.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And she says to me all the time to know you is to love you.
• 21:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when she met my boyfriend at the time who became my husband, he hoots it all the time, which is very sweet because she said it to him.
• 21:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of being like, oh, it's so nice to meet you and stuff to Brian.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: She said to Brian, oh, she did was rape about me.
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, to know Nina is to love her.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So my point on that is it does help to speak nicely to the loved ones in your life.
• 21:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not like I never had confidence issues self confidence issues even with that voice in my life.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I still had to prove to myself within that I was a worthy person that to know me would be to love me.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You get to put those people's words in your evidence file.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I sometimes think my job as a self confidence coach and predominantly with my teens, but also with
• 22:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: the teen that exists in all of us to give them a voice that I can be their bestie voice until they're building their own up.
• 22:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: That they can borrow my belief in them as a coach.
• 22:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not their mom, right?
• 22:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got no skin in that game.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just conceived the goodness and humans.
• 22:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: I give them my lens so that they can start seeing it for themselves.
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So absolutely, you have grandma Pauline.
• 22:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: One of the things my mom always used to say about me that became a borrowed belief that I take with me is
• 22:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: that I'm such good company.
• 22:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's really, oh, what a nice thing to say about someone seriously.
• 22:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I take it with me and let me tell you it makes it easier to make friends because I am good company.
• 22:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: So why wouldn't I want to go share that with people?
• 22:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now enjoy their company, too.
• 22:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we shouldn't stop rolling out praise or taking it from other people.
• 22:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if we get it from other people, it's a wonderful thing to think, how can I live into that?
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: How can I create more of that evidence for me?
• 23:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was, well, I have to go be company to people so that I can remember that I am great company.
• 23:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: It still requires that action.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's come back to South Africa so you make the one friend and I know you made more friends and I also want to say something else about your trip and just life in general.
• 23:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are aware that you really love people, your social person.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would also say and I know you agree.
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying this for the listeners that even if you aren't someone who necessarily would describe themselves as someone who really loves being around people, we still need people.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: people sometimes think, oh, I just hate to be around people.
• 23:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there is real social anxiety that people have and suffer with.
• 23:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even with that, you cannot exist in this world and have mental and physical health even without some connections with people.
• 23:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: So even if it's not a need that you're feeling at the time, it will get there eventually.
• 23:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's smart to put a plan on place when you are somewhere new, you're in a new stage of life, you're an empty nest or now, whatever this situation is that now you find yourself with more time, more need for friends.
• 23:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's where these skills come into play.
• 24:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's so important.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Great.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: And not everyone is an extrovert.
• 24:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: But for those who might be introvert curious or extrovert curious, go back to that idea of who has the microphone in my mind.
• 24:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it fear?
• 24:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it doubt?
• 24:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is it insecurity?
• 24:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: that's calling the shots that has me avoiding human connection.
• 24:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if it is, what could I do to challenge that?
• 24:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I couldn't agree with you more Nina, I think that this is what makes life worth living is the connections that we have and the people that we get to love and be loved by and it's what makes the world go round.
• 24:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so you had the one friend and it's our house up interrupting you now.
• 24:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tell your story.
• 24:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was day one, but like I said, it was my mission.
• 24:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I giggled when you were talking about freshman energy because I often describe this chapter as I approached my full-time job as like sorority rush.
• 24:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I say this with love.
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a little awkward.
• 24:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: I literally said to this girl, hi, my name is Leslie.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am from America.
• 24:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 24:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: There was no game here.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't cool.
• 24:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was awkward.
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I looked for spaces where I could find my people.
• 25:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: First of all, where could I find people?
• 25:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's just go for the masses.
• 25:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just people.
• 25:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just people.
• 25:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: From there, I could find my people.
• 25:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a big expat communities that people that come there from other countries.
• 25:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: There are a lot of us.
• 25:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so there were social groups.
• 25:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: but it required going and then walking into a room with called seventy five women of varying ages from different countries from different backgrounds that willingness to go up to someone and say, I mean, it was Leslie and I am from America.
• 25:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I probably improved my pickup line by the did you maybe to Chicago, you know, people would get a little kick out of being from a specific place in America.
• 25:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I did, I probably said Chicago at some point, then I would go to those.
• 25:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And from there, I would make it my job to get to know people and to give them the opportunity to get to know me.
• 25:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Me just as I am.
• 25:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I wasn't practicing those pickup lines.
• 25:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there was still some more.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm America's, but what were their interests?
• 26:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: What were they like to be around?
• 26:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: What was their personality like?
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And from there, I made the most extraordinary friends.
• 26:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: People that will, I said, fast and forever friend of that first, I can say the same for all the incredible women that I get to meet.
• 26:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And now I'm back in Highland Park.
• 26:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am living blocks away from girls that I have known since
• 26:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: birth and still we struggle to get together for a birthday dinner once every few months yeah that's real that is real it is very real but I will tell you this those friends from South Africa in a few months I am going on a trip with them then this is the second one that we've done this time we've got thirteen coming from all over the world
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, where did they live?
• 26:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, there are, I have friends coming from Panama, from Tokyo, from Dubai, from South Africa, from London, from New Zealand, from Amsterdam.
• 26:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I'm forgetting any.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's incredible.
• 26:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Me from America and where are you meeting?
• 27:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: How do you decide?
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are meeting in Spain because we have a very gracious friend that is able to accommodate us and... Well, that makes it easy.
• 27:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: There you go.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: It makes it very easy and selfishly.
• 27:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I've never been to Spain.
• 27:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so excited.
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's a great happen.
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that is that true, though, how it's hard to go for a walk with someone who lives nearby, but you're going to have thirteen people from a bunch of different countries all meet in Spain.
• 27:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you met in South Africa, most of you were not going to be living there more than a couple of years.
• 27:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, the majority, there are a few, there's some good South Africans that are still there and you know, welcome to us, expats like family.
• 27:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: But yes, there was a finite amount of time.
• 27:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you think that does to making friends?
• 27:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hate to get like all philosophical, but you know, you think about those moments of life ashore and if you knew life ashore, what would you do and what would you stop doing?
• 27:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: What would you be willing to feel and what would you be willing to cultivate in terms of emotion?
• 28:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: We all think we have all this time and that oh, I don't need that freshman energy like I'll do it next week.
• 28:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: The problem is those stories of they're going to think I'm weird.
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's awkward now.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a new story.
• 28:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's too late.
• 28:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: Everyone already has friends.
• 28:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, all this is everything you're saying.
• 28:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so keep going.
• 28:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I get really excited.
• 28:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those are the stories that we're telling it's really hard to stop our own brain.
• 28:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: We think it's the weather report.
• 28:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have to remember those are not truths and those are not facts and we don't know.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's probably space for you at that table.
• 28:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if there's not, there's another table.
• 28:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I think when we know the time is limited, we just act differently.
• 28:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: We are more willing to feel emotions that we would otherwise want to avoid.
• 28:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Because I can live through embarrassment.
• 28:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can live through rejection.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I can live through failure.
• 28:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: The one feeling I do not want to be left with is regret.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm going to go up to the people and say hi, my name is Leslie.
• 28:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want that connection and it's my responsibility.
• 29:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that for a lot of expats knowing that it was a borrowed chapter.
• 29:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, it ended really suddenly.
• 29:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so thankful, like I said to that that version of me that was willing to put herself out there and put herself out there really.
• 29:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: holy.
• 29:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: These women that I knew for just a brief amount of my life, they know all my hearts.
• 29:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: They know all my stories.
• 29:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I let them see all of me and I'm so blessed that they loved her and I loved all of them.
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: You said something really important and you accurate it just now about knowing all of you a little earlier you said that you had the attitude when you went up to people.
• 29:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: that you are going to get to know them, like you are going to be interested in them and ask questions, want to know what they're about, but you also said, and I'm going to let them get to know me.
• 29:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is so key.
• 29:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not just about asking questions.
• 29:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about answering questions, and a skill I talk a lot about on this podcast, and it's pertinent here, too, is not waiting for them to ask questions.
• 29:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's something I really encourage people to do, because I hear from people a lot about that.
• 29:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, no one ever asks about me.
• 29:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I ask them all the questions they don't ask back.
• 30:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, I don't wait for anyone to ask me if I ask you, like, oh, what do you do?
• 30:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or if that comes up or something?
• 30:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really will not wait for someone to ask back.
• 30:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'll just say, oh, I have a podcast.
• 30:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's called Dear Nina.
• 30:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I learned that over time.
• 30:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: I developed that.
• 30:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I not come out that way.
• 30:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had to learn instead of being annoyed that it didn't feel reciprocal with the information.
• 30:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just going to offer.
• 30:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes people don't ask because they don't want to see them in truth of.
• 30:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So you share what you're willing to share them.
• 30:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then they don't have to wonder if it's okay to ask.
• 30:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've told them.
• 30:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, here I am.
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, take fear of leaving me.
• 30:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think the key is having a willingness to have a little objection.
• 30:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's we haven't used that word at all in this episode, but it's the undertone.
• 30:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: To me, that is the undertone of this topic is knowing that you can survive.
• 30:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It not going okay.
• 30:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, you do it again.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Amen.
• 30:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think that that's ultimately it.
• 30:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our willingness to feel any emotion and absolutely in friendship, but this is for anything.
• 30:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Anyone wanting to start a business or go after a dream, we need to be willing to feel all those feelings because if we're not afraid of the feeling, there's nothing we're afraid of.
• 31:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Except for regret.
• 31:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here is what I know too about self-confidence.
• 31:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not a genetic lottery ticket.
• 31:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not something that one person is born with and someone else is not.
• 31:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not something you get because you look a certain way or you have a certain skill.
• 31:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence of the skill.
• 31:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence of the skill that you develop and it is a choice you make.
• 31:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you choose to know who you are, so
• 31:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: the people that I want to be around, my personality, my voice, my values.
• 31:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Knowing who you are, you love that person and you believe in her.
• 31:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Those are all choices that you can make because you can choose to believe the goodness and you choose to believe that you can do what you want, that you can make the friends that you want.
• 31:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's a journey you're forever on.
• 31:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I always say I'm really skilled in self-confidence because I'm so intimately acquainted with doubt and fear.
• 31:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It does not exist in a silo.
• 31:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Self-confidence comes with the doubt.
• 31:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It comes with the fear.
• 32:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: It comes with the insecurity.
• 32:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just that willingness to keep going even when they're there.
• 32:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's no shortcuts.
• 32:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have to go through those parts.
• 32:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to lastly last question for you.
• 32:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you work with people virtually or is it, do you have to be in Chicago?
• 32:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, I see in person that self confidence building within itself just to sit in a room for some people for forty five minutes talking to another human, but I see people all over the world.
• 32:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so virtual too.
• 32:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, everybody.
• 32:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I will have a last least information in the show notes.
• 32:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: She is the coach Chronicles on social media on Instagram mainly.
• 32:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It seems.
• 32:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Leslie, thank you so much for being here with me today.
• 32:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is such a pleasure.
• 32:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Nina, the pleasure was mine.
• 32:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for having me.
• 32:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: All right, everybody, come back next week when our friendships are going well.
• 32:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are happier all around.
• 32:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.