Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Run Their First One-on-One
Transcript
- Lucas: You've been a manager for three weeks. You've got your first round of one-on-ones on the calendar. And you're staring at a blank notes page, wondering what you're actually supposed to do for thirty minutes. Luna: Oh, I remember that feeling. I think my first one-on-one, I spent the first ten minutes talking about the weather because I had no idea where to start. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the thing — most new managers treat the one-on-one like it's a status update. But it's actually the single highest-leverage conversation you'll have with each person on your team. So today we're going to talk about how to run your first one-on-one so it's not just a meeting, but a real working session. Luna: And before we dig in — if you've ever found yourself in a new role or a tricky workplace situation and our conversations have helped you think it through, that's exactly why we make this show. And if you'd like to keep it going, you can support us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small way to keep these episodes coming, no pressure. Lucas: Yeah, that's a nice thought. And every bit helps. But let's get into it — because the first one-on-one is deceptively tricky. It's not just about logistics, it's about setting the tone for the entire relationship. Luna: So what does a good first one-on-one actually look like? Is there a template or a structure you can follow? Lucas: There is, and it's simpler than you think. First, the thirty minutes is a minimum, not a target. If you can go forty-five or even sixty, especially early on, that's better. Because you're not just checking in on work — you're building trust. Luna: I've heard some managers say they block out thirty minutes but end up going over. Is that a good sign? Lucas: It can be. If you're genuinely engaged and the conversation is productive, going over is fine. But if you're fighting to fill the time, that's a signal you need to adjust your approach. The key is to have a loose agenda, but let the other person lead. Luna: Let the other person lead — that's interesting. But what if they're not ready to lead? What if they just say 'everything's fine' for thirty minutes? Lucas: That happens. And that's actually a really common problem. But there's a trick. You don't ask 'how's it going?' because you'll get a one-word answer. You ask something like 'what's been taking up most of your time this week?' or 'what's one thing you'd like to see improve in the team?' Luna: Oh, that's good. Specific questions get specific answers. And it also signals that you're genuinely interested in their perspective, not just checking a box. Lucas: Right. And that's the foundation of a good one-on-one — it's not your meeting, it's theirs. You're there to listen, to coach, and to remove obstacles. So the agenda should come from them, not from you. Luna: So how do you actually set that up? Like, do you send an email asking them to bring topics, or do you just show up with a blank page? Lucas: Both can work. I like to send a short note the day before: 'Hey, here's a couple of things I'd like to touch on, but I'd love to hear what you want to discuss.' That way you're giving them time to think, but you're not forcing them to lead. Luna: And what if they show up with nothing? You've given them the prompt, and they still say 'I don't have anything.' Lucas: Then you have your backup list. It's on you to have a few questions ready. And one of my favorites is 'what's the one thing you'd change about this project if you could?' That usually opens up something. Luna: I like that. It's forward-looking, not just a complaint session. Lucas: Exactly. And you can also ask about their career — 'where do you see yourself in a year?' That might sound cliché, but if you're actually listening, you can learn a lot about what motivates them. Luna: So the one-on-one is part status update, part coaching session, part career development. That's a lot of hats for one meeting. Lucas: It is, but that's what makes it so valuable. And the best way to handle it is to be intentional about each part. Maybe the first ten minutes is about their current work, the next ten is about a specific challenge, and the last ten is about their development. But it's flexible. Luna: And I've heard that you shouldn't cancel one-on-ones easily. Is that true? Lucas: Absolutely. If you cancel, you're telling them the meeting isn't important. And if you cancel multiple times, you're telling them they're not important. So you protect that time like it's your most important meeting of the week — because it probably is. Luna: Even if the conversation is just chit-chat for ten minutes? Because sometimes I feel like that's wasted time. Lucas: But it's not wasted. That chit-chat is relationship building. And the best managers I've seen are comfortable with silence. They don't feel the need to fill every gap. Sometimes you ask a question and the other person needs to think for a few seconds. That's okay. Luna: Okay, that's a good point. I've been guilty of jumping in too quickly when there's a pause. Lucas: You're not alone. And that's actually a skill you can practice. But the bigger takeaway is this: your first one-on-one is a chance to establish a rhythm. If you set the expectation that this is a safe space to talk about anything — work, challenges, career — then you're setting yourself up for a much more productive relationship down the road. Luna: So what's the one thing you'd tell a new manager before they walk into that first meeting? Lucas: I'd say: bring more questions than answers. You're not there to solve everything. You're there to understand. And the best way to do that is to ask open-ended questions and then actually listen to the answers. Luna: That sounds simple, but it's harder than it looks. Lucas: It is. But it's a skill, and like any skill, it gets better with practice. So if your first one-on-one feels a little awkward, that's okay. The important thing is that you showed up, you were present, and you showed that you care. Luna: And that's really the foundation of everything else. If you can get the one-on-one right, you're on your way to being a great manager. Lucas: Exactly. So go in with a plan, but be ready to throw it out the window if your direct report has something else on their mind. And remember — it's their meeting, not yours. Luna: Well said. And if you've got a first one-on-one coming up, I hope this helps you walk in with a little more confidence. Lucas: And we'd love to hear how it goes. You can find us on the Fexingo network. Until next time.