Latest / SECOND CLOCK™ / SEASON 8 | CHANGED

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SEASON 8 | CHANGED · SECOND CLOCK™

• 0:01
  What if you learned that the time was always now to make a
• 0:04
  choice, change direction, choose you.
• 0:07
  But where do you start and how will you know when you got
• 0:09
  there? That's what the second clock is.
• 0:12
  It's a time to try, the chance to experience everything you
• 0:16
  wish you had but haven't yet. A time to re evaluate where you
• 0:20
  are and where you're headed while letting go of ideas of
• 0:23
  what you should be doing, who you think you need to be, and
• 0:26
  realize who you are. Now join me, click follow, like
• 0:31
  and subscribe and let's see where this leads.
• 0:37
  It was the last day of a two week solo trip, my first
• 0:40
  actually, and I was standing there in the middle of a
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  changing room after having just gotten out of the sauna, getting
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  ready to head to the airport, when I broke down crying, partly
• 0:52
  out of gratitude and partly out of confusion.
• 0:56
  I was grateful for where I was, not just in Singapore at the end
• 1:01
  of a trip, a very successful trip, but I was grateful for all
• 1:06
  the choices that I had made leading up to this day.
• 1:09
  I was grateful that my family supported me Before this trip.
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  I never thought I would have been the person that could have
• 1:15
  gone through the solo trip and navigated it the way I did.
• 1:20
  I think I was also confused because I had felt this way
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  before. A year prior, I was in Abu
• 1:26
  Dhabi, but instead of traveling there for work like I used to, I
• 1:31
  was now a visitor and I was coincidentally standing in a
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  changing room when I felt this feeling, this feeling of how far
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  I've come, It washed over me and I had to take a pause.
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  I had to take in the moment and here I was in Singapore a year
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  later, feeling that same way again.
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  Before all this, I was the girl that just went along, went along
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  with whatever I thought I should go along with.
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  Whatever people thought that I should be doing, I did.
• 2:05
  I followed Societal's path like so many of us on this trip.
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  At the start, when I was visiting Osaka, my tour guide
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  took me to see what it was like to shop at Shinsai Boshi, an
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  outdoor covered mall. When I stood there, I saw the
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  sea of people all flowing in One Direction.
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  If you tried to deviate, you'd be going against the people's
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  current. That's how my life was.
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  I didn't deviate, I just went along with Societal's current
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  until one day I found myself taking a sharp left.
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  And from that day on, I've been taking chances.
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  So many, and on this trip I took one experience after another,
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  every opportunity I could to try something, to do something, to
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  live. When I was younger I was scared
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  of everything, starting with change, starting with standing
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  out, being seen. Now I was all about it.
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  I guess I owed it to myself, to my former self, and to my new
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  self, the one I was discovering along the way.
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  On this trip, I found so many pieces of me that I had thought
• 3:24
  that I wasn't going to be the scared bits.
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  No longer afraid. I found one of those moments
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  while sitting on a swing in Bali, overlooking the rice
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  paddies. They're famous there.
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  What's also famous is a swing. The Bolognese have found a way
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  to capture the most beautiful scenery for tourists while
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  putting them in the scene. When I was in Tokyo, I was there
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  for one day and I had a tour guide.
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  She was leading me around. She was Brazilian.
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  We were comparing life's notes. She had been divorced and she
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  said when I went to Bali, I wanted to experience all of
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  Bali. And she's like, let me give you
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  some places to go. Before then, I hadn't given much
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  thought to what I was going to do in Bali.
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  I had signed up to a Pilates retreat.
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  So as far as I was concerned, I didn't have to think about that
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  part of the trip. But something was sparked in me
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  when this tour guide who was in Tokyo is telling me about her
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  trip to Bali. She then shared photos, photos
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  of her sitting on a swing over rice paddies.
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  She's like, you have to go here. And I said, I need to get that
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  photo. I knew that there was one big
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  thing standing between me and that photo, and that was my fear
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  of heights. My supposed fear of heights.
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  I had been testing my fears left and right throughout these last
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  three years by taking dance classes, going to improv
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  classes, signing myself up to get uncomfortable.
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  But heights? I wasn't so sure if I was going
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  to be OK with that. But then again, I was going to
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  do it for the photo, given the fact that I used to be a fashion
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  photographer. There's nothing more inspiring
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  than the most amazing scenery, and Bali has some of the most
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  exceptional views I've ever seen.
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  Normally I'm behind the camera, but now I'm OK being seen.
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  So I went with the works. I rented the dress.
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  As I said, the Bolognese have found a way to really maximize
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  what a Taurus can get out of these scenes.
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  They have dresses with 10 foot trains that you can rent, sit on
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  the swing and then they push you and as you soar over these rice
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  paddies, your train follows. It flows in the wind and the
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  pictures are priceless. And I sat on the swing clutching
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  the sides of the swing even though I was harnessed in.
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  And as they pulled me back like they were preparing a slingshot,
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  they told me it was time for me to remove my hands from either
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  side of the swing. My grip was so tight I was white
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  knuckling it. And now I had to remove it.
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  But why? And then they told me that I had
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  to hold my train. How else was it going to flow in
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  the wind? And at that moment, I said, I'm
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  suited up. I'm harnessed in.
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  There's no turning back. Just let go.
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  Lean into this moment, go with it.
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  So I did. Even now, as I tell this, I can
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  feel the nerves entering my body as I let my hands release from
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  the swing. They pulled me back so high,
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  these two men, knowing that at any minute they're going to let
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  go and I'm going to soar. And they just gave me cues.
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  Hold the train, hold your dress, hold it out, hold it wide, hands
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  low. All along I'm thinking, OK,
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  whatever you say, let's do it. And then they release me and I
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  fly. I didn't have a chance to be
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  scared. They were calling out so many
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  things for me to do. Look here, look there, smile.
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  One person is taking my camera and videoing the entire
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  experience while taking stills. Every time they pull me back,
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  they set me further forward. At this point, I'm thinking
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  about my hair. It's everywhere.
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  I didn't think about my hair. I couldn't believe that I had
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  forgotten that detail. And so if you know anything
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  about fashion photography, if the opportunity is still there,
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  the lighting is right and the crew is ready, you do it again.
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  But this time I got braids. I went back in a different
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  color. Instead of bright pink, I went
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  with red, fully ready to be shot through the air on a swing over
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  rice paddies and Bali. Embracing this moment, I decided
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  that I was going to learn from the last shoot.
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  There. I had had tension in my jaw.
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  So many pictures were not usable.
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  Between my hair and my jaw being clenched, things weren't right.
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  But now, with my hair tamed, all I had to do was worry about the
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  train of this dress and my jaw. I took commands just like I used
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  to give them out. I knew these guys, knew the
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  shots, and I got them, so many of them.
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  I look at them now and I see someone, someone different.
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  Someone that's not scared, not the way I used to be.
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  I didn't stay at that retreat long.
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  I realized I had more adventure left in me.
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  Sitting with a group of Americans from LA wasn't what I
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  think I wanted in the end. But I found I wanted to
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  experience more. More of Bali.
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  So I cut my losses and I left early.
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  I checked into a hotel in Seminyak.
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  It's more densely populated, more opportunities to have fun,
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  to try things, to see the nightlife.
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  I went to an old, familiar place, a dating app, and I lined
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  up some dates for the next few days.
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  On the first night, I met a British man.
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  He worked in the nightclub scene, so he invited me to come
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  to one of them. I thought, that's interesting, a
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  nightclub in Bali. Wonder what that's like?
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  But after taking a very long car ride to get there, I realized I
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  didn't like the traffic when I arrived.
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  I was so late. He was like, what took you so
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  long? And I said, I don't know if
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  there's a lot of traffic. We were in a car and stuck
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  behind a truck. And that's when I found out
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  people in Bali, they don't take cars, they take scooters.
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  He said, yeah, if you want to head home in a car, you're
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  looking at another hour and 20 minutes back, or I'm happy to
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  drive you back to the hotel, but it will be on a scooter.
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  I remember thinking a scooter, I don't know if I can do that, I
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  think I'm scared. As the night progressed I
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  realized I don't think I can sit in another car for an hour and
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  20 minutes to get back. That same ride would be 20 or 30
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  minutes on a scooter. My desire for efficiency beat
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  out my fear or my so-called fear.
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  I got on the back of his scooter and I quickly found out that he
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  had a helmet, but only for himself, which makes sense given
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  the fact that he wasn't expecting to have a date that
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  night. That was a kind of last minute
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  thing. And there I was, calculating the
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  risk, calculating the commute if I took a car.
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  So I sat on the back of the scooter and braced for whatever
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  was next. At this point, I was happy that
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  I kept those braids in. My hair wouldn't be getting in
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  my face on this ride. My hair would stay tame, just
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  like it did on the swing. I love the way they looked, the
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  way they made me feel. I felt like me, the me that
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  maybe I had prevented myself to be for so long.
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  I felt young, free, playful, sweet.
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  At first I wore them for practical reasons, so they
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  wouldn't blow in the wind when I was on the swing, and I wore
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  them to keep my hair tame in the humidity.
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  But something about those braids, there was something
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  other and special. So when I was sitting on the
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  back of the scooter, I thought, well at least my hair won't be
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  in my face, which is a good thing because I don't want to
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  let go for even a second. The last time I was on a scooter
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  I was in tears. That was part of my calculations
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  before I decided to agree to this ride was how was I going to
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  react? Could I even hold back the tears
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  if I felt them coming? Would this stranger think less
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  of me or be confused by me? The last time I was on the back
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  of a scooter, I was 24 years old.
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  I was in Bermuda with my boyfriend at the time.
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  By the end of the trip, he'd be my fiance.
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  He was overqualified to take me on those scooter rides around
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  Bermuda. It didn't matter that he had a
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  motorcycle license. It didn't matter that I should
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  be fully trusting of him. My body was too scared.
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  Fear was all I could think of. It was crippling and it was
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  causing me to not enjoy any of the ride.
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  I cried. I think I begged him to get a
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  car I wanted off of the ride. I don't know why I was so
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  scared. I don't know why I couldn't
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  trust. I don't know why I chose not to
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  experience or live a little. But at 24, that's where I was
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  firmly rooted in the familiar. So to get on the back of this
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  random guy's scooter, hold on without a helmet, knowing that
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  it had just rained, I knew that I was different.
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  As he weaved between scooters and cars and trucks, I felt a
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  rush. I felt a sense of freedom, and
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  the photographer instincts in me kicked in again.
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  I wanted to capture it but how? I would have to release my grip
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  and this time I'm not harnessed in like I was on the swing and
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  all I could think of is can I take my hand off of this person?
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  Can I unbuckle my bag, put my hand in my bag, get my camera,
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  unlock it, put it on selfie mode video and capture this moment.
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  The minutes were going by and my opportunity was lessening, so I
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  made the move. Everything went flawless.
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  That notion of my phone being knocked out of my hand and
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  cracking. It was just that fear.
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  Fear of the worst case scenario. But the video I have is proof.
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  Proof of the experience. Proof that I was living, doing
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  exactly what I intended to do on this trip.
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  Experience everything I could. And as I see my braids flowing
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  in the wind and my smile so illuminating, I knew that I was
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  making choices that were perfectly aligned for where I
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  was in my life. And I knew that I had been
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  making choices like this for the last three years.
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  It was then that I decided to change the course of my life.
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  I chose me. I chose to try.
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  I chose to live. I chose to let go of the grip.
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  I promised myself that I wanted to soak up all the sites and
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  experiences that these cities and countries had to offer,
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  starting with Kyoto in Japan. I decided that I was going to
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  pull long days, maximize my time in all these places, starting
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  with my trip to the Tory gates. I got there early, and when you
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  get to these sites early, there's something special.
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  You get to experience it without other tourists.
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  I'd like to believe it's how it was intended.
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  When I posted my pictures, my friends would DM me asking if I
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  photoshopped everybody out of the pictures, all the tourists,
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  and I said no. I got there early, so early that
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  other tourists didn't want to go.
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  And as a result, I got to experience these sites virtually
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  alone. On my second day in Kyoto, I
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  went to the Bamboo Grove, another site that opened up
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  early. It had just rained, The site was
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  atmospheric, and the short hike through the bamboo was magical.
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  Even I had my music on. Every song I selected helped me
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  create a soundtrack for this walk.
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  Then at one point I found myself getting nostalgic, remembering
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  my own high bamboo wall that I have at my house and then
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  remembering my trip to China when I was 21.
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  My mom took me there and with my thoughts turning to China, I
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  thought of my ex. He's Chinese, of course.
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  I thought of him and the beautiful culture he introduced
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  me to over so many years, and I thought of how lucky it is that
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  my children get to experience that culture.
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  By waking up early. I got to see these sights
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  without the tourists, and I was able to get lost in thought.
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  Instead of distraction, I wanted this time to just be for me.
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  I wanted to do it my way, and that quickly became the theme of
• 17:09
  the trip. It was especially apparent when
• 17:12
  I left the retreat early, something where I had signed up
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  to stay for seven days, I barely stayed for three.
• 17:21
  When I made the decision to leave, I cut my losses and I
• 17:25
  didn't explain much. I just embraced the fact that I
• 17:29
  had experienced enough of the retreat that I was good good
• 17:33
  with leaving so I could venture off and experience more, more of
• 17:39
  Bali. I had been told by my tour guide
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  from Tokyo that Bali had a very active nightlife and I wanted to
• 17:47
  see it for myself. I went back on the dating app
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  and I put my feelers out and there was another solo traveler
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  saying let's go, why not? So we did.
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  It was my last night in town so we decided to meet at the number
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  one ranked club in Asia. I figured why not see a little
• 18:08
  bit more and I guess that's the way it was supposed to be.
• 18:14
  Embracing what it is to be solo and how to make your way
• 18:18
  through, how to create an opportunity where you feel like
• 18:22
  you're not alone, where you feel like you can have fun your way.
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  You don't have to feel held back.
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  I think that's why I didn't solo travel before.
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  I always had this idea, Here I go again with these ideas that I
• 18:38
  couldn't, I couldn't be the person that could just be thrown
• 18:42
  into an environment and thrive. I don't know why I thought that
• 18:47
  every part of my life I've disproved that theory, but why
• 18:51
  in travel did I think that that would be the case?
• 18:54
  Well, I've proven that wrong. And I wasn't looking to have an
• 18:58
  eat, pray, love moment on this trip.
• 19:01
  That would be too expected. And I can say I didn't.
• 19:05
  I didn't eat much. I'm gluten free and I didn't
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  pray, although I did zip through many temples.
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  And As for falling in love, well, there wasn't enough time
• 19:15
  for that. But I did find something.
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  I found that I can't go for anything that's strained
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  anymore. The initial foundation of my
• 19:24
  life was all about strain. All about working through
• 19:28
  something, fitting in, making things work, trying, trying and
• 19:34
  trying some more. I need to cut my losses quicker,
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  kind of like how I did with the Pilates retreat.
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  I need to understand what it is that I'm getting into and get
• 19:45
  out of it before I get hurt, before I waste too much time.
• 19:51
  Because that's one thing I can't get back.
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  None of us can. That's why it was so important
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  that when I was in Japan, Bali and Singapore that I hit the
• 20:02
  ground running anytime I want to choose differently.
• 20:08
  Throw in the towel, sleep in. Skip something ballad early.
• 20:14
  I'm reminded of the last line in my favorite poem by Rudyard
• 20:18
  Kipling. It's called if and it plays in
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  the back of my mind, reminding me to keep going, pushing me
• 20:25
  forward, keep experiencing, keep living.
• 20:30
  This line is so simple, so easy to remember, and yet for some,
• 20:37
  difficult to follow. If you can fill the unforgiving
• 20:41
  minute with 60 seconds worth of distance, run.
• 20:45
  Yours is the earth and everything that's in it, and
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  which is more? You'll be a man, my son.
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  Of course, the man and son part I've conveniently corrected in
• 20:57
  my mind, so it suits me. But the sentiment is there, very
• 21:02
  much alive in me, and when I travel, it courses through all
• 21:07
  of my decision making. So now let me return to the
• 21:11
  locker room where I stood crying in gratitude and confusion.
• 21:18
  I can identify this confusion that I was feeling.
• 21:21
  I had felt this feeling before. It's a feeling that only comes
• 21:25
  upon me at the end of a trip, when my thoughts are still and
• 21:30
  I'm thinking about what I experienced, when I'm thinking
• 21:33
  about me, when I'm thinking about going back and realizing
• 21:41
  that I'm not the same. Thanks for listening.
• 21:47
  These episodes are unscripted. They're my free flowing thoughts
• 21:51
  as I reflect back on past conversations, experiences, what
• 21:56
  I've learned, would like to do better, and what's next.
• 21:59
  Join me on Thursdays for new episodes and catch up on past
• 22:02
  episodes. Click Follow, Like and subscribe
• 22:06
  and let's see where this leads.