Latest / Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice / Season 4, Ep. 1: Why Family Caregiving Breaks More Than Just Your Schedule
Transcript
- Marcia Lee: Hello, welcome to the latest version of Cut the BS, Your Health, Your Choice. I am Marcia Lee, your host. So today I have the honor of having Bernadette E on my show today. This was this is going to be a caregiving series. She was kind enough to come on. We're going to talk about it. We're going to keep it real, raw, and 100. Let me read you a little of her bio. She's a Harvard grad of the Divinity School. Holds a master's of divinity as well as an undergraduate degree in political science. She's a certified community health worker. She's been working in this field for five years. But she's all she's been taking care of her elderly parents for over a decade. And she has two adult children, and her daughter is expecting her first grandchild in December. Yay! As her birthday mom, so we're gonna really be celebrating. And bernadette: Mm hmm. Marcia Lee: the first three years of her caregiving journey, she commuted from Delaware to Ohio and then eight years ago she made the decision to move in with them. Her dad passed away at ninety three. She's still taking care of mom who's ninety two. And she still works. So she's really a caregiver on the go. bernadette: You Marcia Lee: So she's currently writing about her experience and she expects to have something published at the first of the year. So let's welcome Bernadette to the show. Thank you, Bernadette. Yes, yes, thank you. bernadette: Thank you for letting me come in. Marcia Lee: always. So, Bernadette, you balance a career in community health with the 10-year personal journey of caregiving. How bernadette: Yes. Marcia Lee: do you how does your professional training as a health worker change the way you deliver care to your own mom? bernadette: Well, I was always that person who could find anything. If there was an issue, a problem, a program, long before I became a community health worker, that was my thing. know, I mean, honestly, what do you need to know? I will find it out for you. I was always that person. So a few years ago, I got actually certified to be a community health worker because I didn't know you could get paid for this. But yeah, so I do that. it what it has helped me to do in terms of delivering care to my folks is that if I need something, I'm very good at just doing the research and scoping it out and finding it out. One of the things, and I got very fortunate because of the job I have here in community health, I could find out what services are available for seniors. That was one of the first things I had to do before being a community health worker was I cannot deal with the changing tide of dementia with my mom. I need to be educated about it. I need support. Marcia Lee: Yeah. bernadette: I need all of these things. So I immediately went, well, who are the support organizations? Alzheimer's Foundation, Alzheimer's Association. And then I connected immediately with them. got a care coordinator, was able to sit down and format a plan. And that truly began helping me figure out how to navigate the world of dementia because it is something else. But now the great thing about it is I can turn around as part of my social media platform is anything I find out, I let the audience know. the other caregivers to know. need to know about this, that, and the third. This might help you in your journey. Marcia Lee: that's good. But my next question is you moved from a long distance caregiving model to living with your parents. What was the most jarring adjustment you had to make in that transition? bernadette: There are a number of them because I was living in Delaware and at the time I had my son who was in high school. My daughter was already in college and I'm thinking he's out then it's freedom. No, no, Marcia Lee: Okay. bernadette: no. So instead of that I move while I'm still kind of usher him to college, then the caregiving with my folks started. And I had to, I was commuting, I was going from Delaware to Cleveland, it's eight hour drive. And I would do, I would do that every few months to, it became every other month to once a month driving Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: here. And yes, I have a sibling who lived 45 minutes away, but I was the one who had to come and do this. the question about the biggest change, one was... the difficult decision of leaving my son, who still very much needed me, to go and help my folks. That was the hardest. And then moving back into my childhood home, presenting as an adult, but getting treated as a child when I came back in. So those were some real challenges there. in here. So not an easy thing. I say often time if I had to do it all over again, I would have moved closer, but I would not have moved in with my my phone. Marcia Lee: I got you. So so you hold the masses of divinity from Harvard. When you are in the bernadette: Yeah, I do. Marcia Lee: thick of the thick of the hardest days of caregiving, how does your theological background show up? Does it provide comfort or or does it invite more questions? bernadette: days of questions, sure, but I At the height of anything where I'm at the point of, just don't understand why I'm going through this or why is this happening. I can look back and say that certain things happened in my life because I feel like that was the assignment for that moment. And some of them I've learned a lot, gained a lot out of, and have some appreciation for. Not every aspect of it. But I do try to just appreciate the moment as this is the current assignment. And how my faith informs me is that at this season of my life, I have learned to trust the process. Don't mean I have to like it all the time, but I do trust the process, trust that things will, they will rebuild themselves, things will. or not, maybe I have a better appreciation of some things down the road. Or this will at least keep me sane for the moment. So yeah, so faith does inform me in terms of, think it's the thing that keeps me from going over the edge a lot. Marcia Lee: Yeah, I know it's a lot. So you are currently writing a book on this experience. What is the one truth or policy change you hope your readers understand about the American caregiving crisis after finishing your book? bernadette: Well, I'm working on two different pieces right now. One is the one book that I've been working on is really trying to look at kind of the funny sides. It's really, you know, what I hope that both will get out of that publication is a laugh because I think we need it. I think we need levity. I think know, caregiving can be so heavy and disheartening and heartbreaking. And I think it's really okay to find those moments of levity and laughter in the moment. So that piece will hopefully, again, bring some of the lighter side. And even if you look at my social media platform, I do three things on it. I'm very transparent about the experience. I'm a community health worker, so I do provide resources and I try to do a little bit of comedy. So I do some little comedy sketches to bring laughter. that book is about that. The other piece is going to be is is actually a diary. It will be this entire year, every day in this entire entire year. It's done. This is my final year of caregiving, hopefully. So. I started on January 1st documenting every single day and I put everything in it. The good, the bad, the salacious, Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: it's in there like prego. It's in there. Marcia Lee: so many caregivers lose their sense of self. You prioritize bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: travel to the Middle East twice a year. What does that bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: s specific environment give you that you can't find here at Homer? bernadette: Ooh, my gosh. And if you look, there's two pictures of, there's the desert. And Marcia Lee: Yes, love it, love it, love it. bernadette: that is overlooking a part of Dubai from one of the affinity pools, they're tied things. Yes. The Middle East gives me, it's like being wrapped up in a blanket when I go. Of comfort, of care. The first time I went there, a lot of the locals could not emphasize enough that I will be safe here. You're safe here. You're going to be safe here. And to be told that you are safe, you don't have to worry. mean, especially from the environment of the US, right? Where we have Marcia Lee: Pfft, yeah, for sure. bernadette: every type of... violence imaginable is on a regular. And then you go to a country where the only folks who have weapons is the military, not even the police have guns. They don't. Marcia Lee: É vai. bernadette: Is that right? Yeah, they handle their business. You will not mess with a Dubai police officer. To trust and believe, you will not. I am an insomniac. I can get up and walk, and I have. walked around Dubai in the city and near the beach at 3 a.m. by myself with no qualms, not even a worry. And to be able to be in a place of such peace where I don't have to think about my Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: own personal safety as a female, as an African American, to not be profiled where I go, Marcia Lee: Yeah. bernadette: it's just, it's... It's such a unique and freeing experience. It takes so much weight off my shoulders and my mind is completely free. And I could just be me, completely me. And so I was going to go once. My daughter took me there in 22 as a birthday gift. And I've started going from once a year to twice a year because I just... I loved it, built a community over there. I could live there. Marcia Lee: You know what? I love that. Bernadette, I think people I think they know, but they don't realize that you have to step away. bernadette: You do. Marcia Lee: And may I ask when you step away, who's in charge of your mom when you step away? bernadette: Okay, so when I do step away, now mind you, it's typically me by myself. But when I step away, my brother, his wife, their two adult children will maybe help. And I do have an aide. And at one time they were different. So sometimes it would be up to six different people doing the job that I do by myself. So, but yeah, yes, yes, yes. Party of six. Marcia Lee: party of six. You know what? A party of six for what you've been doing by yourself. that's that's telling. bernadette: It really, it is. And so many people are in that position. Because think about it, as caregivers, what do we do? We're the cook, we're the chef, we're the maid, we're the maintenance man. We are the appointment scheduler, right? Okay, we're the errand boy, we're a girl. We're doing this, that, and the third. We're the tax preparer, we're keeping the scammers away. We're feeding the pets, we're mowing the lawn. And... did it while still doing a 40 hour week job and two, two dealing, you know, and paying a bill sometimes on time, but you know, as best as I could, best as I could. so, and so I was doing all of that. So when I go away, well, there, there's not, there's not that on person, 24 hour person anymore. So someone has to come in and get, do the, the cooking, someone has to go get the medication, someone else might have to, make sure that again, yard work is done or whatever. So yeah, so yeah, so they would have to break, they would break it up among themselves. And when they weren't around, so when I'm back, I get to pick it all up. Marcia Lee: and s and start over because I think I think a lot of people don't realise once you step away and different caregivers come and then you have to re re rework everything. Do you find that to be the case? bernadette: It sometimes a little bit, think the most annoying thing for me was coming back and my folks waited for me to come back before they would want something done. Marcia Lee: Yeah. bernadette: That's like, they said, yeah, we need XYZ from the store. And I was like, wasn't your son just here 15 minutes ago? He's been around you all week. Don't want to ask him for nothing. Don't want to ask him for a glass of water. And would say that. And I would say, okay, I'm gonna be gone. You need to call your son for, well, we don't want to inconvenience him. He lived so far away, 45 minutes. He come this way for every guardian game, calves game, but they didn't think it was inconvenient when I would drive eight hours, right? that, know, so it, you, so we all know. those family dynamics, Marcia Lee: Say it again for those in the back of the room because baby, the whole family dynamic, I've seen it, but luckily for us personally, my sister, my mom and I, we work as a team and we're all local. and this and I tell people it's so different when you have to come from out of state. And then like you bernadette: It is. Marcia Lee: say, it's always the one who does the the bulk of the work. bernadette: huh. huh. Marcia Lee: it's always the one because they trust in you. That's why they do it. Because h I think if they trust in your other siblings or any other or even any person who's receiving services would trust the other people. They will call them. But they don't. And do you find that to be the case? bernadette: You That could be, that could be, my folks just really believed my brother was the responsible one. They really did. Marcia Lee: Mm. Mm-hmm. bernadette: and they just thought, well, he's gonna take care, he's gonna, and it's like, nope, nope. But you know, it falls often on the girls, the oldest, that type of thing. And I... I think I was willing and at the end of the day, I was the one that stepped up. did they trust me? It's a double edged sword. knew I was efficient, Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: but there was a lot of resentment towards me. so it is kind of like they know I could do it, but man, if they could have had it any other way, they would have preferred it is how I read it in my family, how I read it for me. Marcia Lee: ARP did a study and unpaid caregiving constitutes one trillion dollars a year and sixty two percent of the caregivers are female. Which I don't find surprising, but you did a very interesting post recently about a young a a younger woman being coming to caregiver. And I'm saying that's gonna be more common. That's gonna be more common. You know, the sandwich generation and they're getting younger and younger. And bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: and I know a program high school's actually doing a C and A training because a lot of bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: a lot a lot of the students they are taking care of their elders, their siblings so they want them to bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: have that background which I think is really super dope because then they can transition t into other things and and I think Bernie that what we what a lot of people fail to realize is that dependent on where you live resources can be scarce. bernadette: Curse! Drying up! Yes. Marcia Lee: And especially now with the administration and all the changes that are coming to Medicaid, Medicare, the lack of bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: funding that that the cities and states are getting, you know, for bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: elder. And then my mom my mom asked me recently, she said, can you go on can you go on Medicare.gov and see if they cover adult diapers 'cause you know, not only does my brother have dementia, but his sister in law, my sister has cancer and she's completely bedridden. So they're bernadette: Mmm. Marcia Lee: like and I'm no. I said but I could I could double check. But bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: better than that for me That day, one day, baby, I was sitting over scrolling on the feed. Baby, I got right on next door. And I said, anybody know where I can get complimenting adult diapers? And the response, you know what? It's it's some very kind people out here. And I got so emotional bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: because I got a lot of feedback like immediately. And people were saying, bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: showing me what they had. I said, No, that's not good, but we wanted to show you anyway. So it was bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: a young lady, a woman that got on. She said, I said, well, I have some. Would you like to come and get And coming to find out she lives like ten minutes from my house, I said, I'm on my way. So she left everything outside bernadette: There you go. Marcia Lee: and she said, Call me periodically, periodically, because I'm gonna start collecting for my church and you'll welcome to have But baby, I'm bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: telling you now. And I want people to realize too that if you need help, raise your hand. bernadette: Exactly. Marcia Lee: You know what? And then this is what I've been finding out too, Berlin, and I wanna get your opinion on it. I know people who mother have dementia and they ain't even said it. It's a club, it's a it's a civority and fraternity, they not asked to join. Let me reiterate that. bernadette: Mm-mm. Marcia Lee: one of my colleagues told me I was at a dementia screening and he said it's like dementia is like your brain being broken. It's like you break your arm, you break your leg, you know, it's broken. Sometimes it bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: healed. He said this is this is something that broken that that they that cannot heal. bernadette: Ripe. Ripe. Marcia Lee: And is what are your thoughts? bernadette: Right, think, yeah, we, and I think some things are generational too. My folks are silent generation. So they're very Marcia Lee: Yeah. bernadette: old. We talk about nothing, right? Everything stays in the house and everything is, you know, wonderful and sunshine. And Marcia Lee: Yeah. bernadette: there are some people that they grew up with that and everything. So it becomes harder because everything's supposed to stay in the house. We keep this in family. You don't. We don't tell our business and we don't put it out there. But it's like, but this is not something to thug it out. This ain't, this ain't that. This is, you don't want to thug it out as a caregiver. You know, you end up, the, the, the dementia will break your brain from the burden, the heaviness, the exhaustion, the finance side. And if you have relationships, It can break marriages, know, Marcia Lee: Okay. bernadette: boyfriend-girlfriend dynamics. It can cause a lot of broken up relationships among siblings, you and your children. I mean, it is a force multiplying effect in calamity. So it's not something to just... think I'll just handle it. I'll just shoulder it. We'll just be quiet about it. This is not that. This is truly not that. Marcia Lee: And I'm so glad we're talking about this Frank. That's why I love it that you on here because I need people just to be transparent. it's no time to be like thugging it out by yourself. This is not a thugging out illness. bernadette: you don't get rewarded and you don't win the big prize for doing it on your own like that. You know, just the opposite. the, we know statistically 30 % of caregivers will pass away before Marcia Lee: The bernadette: the person they are caregiving. That number goes up to 40%. If the person has dementia, all is hybrid. It goes up to 60 % if you are a spousal caregiver. This Marcia Lee: Jesus. bernadette: thing can take you out. And even if it doesn't go that far, the development of hypertension. Hello, that was me. Heart disease, stroke. I mean, when people come on here, I couldn't believe I wasn't alive. And a lady, young lady, she said she was 32. She had a brain bleed. She was taking care of her grandma. she left the hospital and went back to take care of her grandma. I'm like, but there are people who they're putting off surgeries, doctor's appointments, things like that, because they're just like, well, I just have to do it all. I just have to carry it at all. I can't think about me in this moment. That would be too selfish. If you don't think about you, nobody else is going to. The end. Period. Marcia Lee: Period point blank period and end of discussion. But one more lighter note, you about to become a grandmother in your birthday month. A massive beautiful shift in your life story. How does the bernadette: huh. Marcia Lee: arrival of a new generation change your reflection on a legacy of care you provided to the older generation? bernadette: It makes me think about what do I want my children, how do I want my children to view caregiving when it comes to me? I really want to leave for them something Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: as easy, as easy or make it as easy for them as possible. Bye. taking care of myself, being on top of my health, doing the one thing my folks really did, which was they documented, documented, documented, documented, insurances, wills, trust, everything. they had that to a T. And that is one thing I definitely wanna leave behind for them is have your stuff in order. Marcia Lee: The the bernadette: Have your stuff in order. Marcia Lee: But you know what? bernadette: Okay? Okay. Marcia Lee: I was just having a conversation yesterday with some colleagues. And I said if you don't have your stuff in order, get it done today. Not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, immediately. And for bernadette: Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Marcia Lee: me, because I'm single, I have everything in order because I've been talking about that for decades. And people bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: and I think it's a conversation that people don't want to have because it's not comfortable. I'm like, but I'm sorry, some everything in life is not comfortable, but it bernadette: It's hot. Marcia Lee: but it's necessary and it's relevant. And I also been telling that my mother wanna all us to have our business plan just in case things happen and my brother bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: now Jeffy he did have we do have something inviting but now I'm in the process of doing the power of attorney the doable power of attorney for he and my bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes. Marcia Lee: sister I'm getting all of that done and my mom bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: she has like a complete trust but she said do more for me too I'm working on that, getting that finalized brother that and you're and you're right bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: because when they get sick, you have to who's gonna pay the bills? And who's gonna get into their account? And that's a that's a whole nother story talking about who's gonna have the digitals and everything's online bernadette: Bye bye. Marcia Lee: and you have to apply for everything online. And Jeffrey bernadette: You do. Marcia Lee: and Jeffrey decided that he wanted to change his phone number every month. So when you go into his account, it's like, okay, from when I went into ID me, because he changed his bernadette: huh. Marcia Lee: number and I didn't have his previous number, I had to redo his account. All over. All over. All over. bernadette: huh. yeah. All over. Marcia Lee: That's a whole nother story. I'm not gonna that's gonna be a whole nother episode because people do not even talk about that, they're not talking about that enough. bernadette: And especially in the African American community, we do not do this enough. We don't talk about insurance enough. We don't talk about wills Marcia Lee: D d bernadette: enough. We don't talk about power returns. We don't do it enough. And there's lots of superstition about, well, if I talk about it, my, you know, die. You're gonna die if you never talk Marcia Lee: Y'all guess what? Guess what's guess wanna happen? We're going to die. Like that's it. That's it for the dead. We all we're going to die. Like that's not an option. We're gonna die. Like bernadette: that's it. That's it. That's it. We're all, we're all going to be out of here. don't know. We're that. That's it. And I, and it was so hard. my dad did not 20 years ago, he did not want me to know where his stuff was and stuff like that. People do this too. They, they know this. Well, I know I'm going to tell you, I don't need, I don't want it. They don't want nobody know any business. And I said, and I was trying to say, Pop, someone needs to know where your papers are, how things function or whatever. I know where it is. I know where it is. I know where it is. I said, okay. So what's going to happen is immediately following the funeral, that's when we're going to sit down and discuss everything, right? Because that's what we're saying. You are the only one that knows. So it's going to stay that way. and my mom is, well, you know, maybe it'd be a good idea to kind of, and it's a good thing that he relented and I went through it. And if he had not sat down with me, my mom would have lost out on so much money because we wouldn't have known what the heck we were looking at, what it meant. And then by me going through it, I wrote notes to myself. this is this, call this number. This is that, and then when he did Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: pass, I already was familiar with where the insurance was. He, you know, he was a postal worker, so he was titled to benefits that way. He was a veteran. So I needed his DDI, his discharge paper, you know, the DVF, that one. If Marcia Lee: D D D D two fourteen, yep. D D two fourteen, yes ma'am. Yep. bernadette: you don't know where that is, that's when we end up what? Passing the hat, you know. We got a Barry Momo, so you know, and we asking for 20 here and 30 there. Marcia Lee: some people, Bernard, that they're not comfortable being around people that are ill. Let's just let's just let's just call it for what it is. bernadette: Uh-uh. That. That. Marcia Lee: do you really think that we really enjoy seeing our people being sick? Like pre I mean, no. And bernadette: Mm-mm. We Marcia Lee: you know what, Bernard, that sometimes when I leave my brother's house, I'm in the car and I'm busting out crying because I keep saying bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: this is you know, it's like he did not ask for this and My sister, they really shared tears. I do enough crying for everybody. But one day my bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: sister called me and she had just left his house and she said I had to go home and break down. My brother said what's wrong? And she actually had a meltdown. I'm like, good for you. God good and I don't want to use bad language on this platform, but I'm like, good bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: for you that you had a breakdown. Because breakdown is a breakthrough. bernadette: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It isn't, it is, because it's just a sign that stuff has been in there and in there. And, because someone asked me before, why didn't you get like your sibling more involved? And when it comes to caregiving, it is those who are willing and those who are not. I was willing, that's it. And you can't make somebody be willing. You can't do, not, and I even see it in other members of my family. As some people just do not do sickness. I have told my kids that date somebody in every season, including flu season, because you might be the one that bring the soup and the cold medicine and then you get sick and they may like, I'll see you in seven days. You know? So not Marcia Lee: Yeah. bernadette: everybody is willing, not everybody will do it. And so there'll be some folks who just like, well, I'm just not built for the, it's just not. It's like, I'm not, I was, did not get anything innate in this. I was just willing. That's it. Nobody, as you said, wants to watch their loved ones suffer, break down. My dad at the end, I felt very sad for him for what he went through. So when he finally passed, Marcia Lee: Mm-hmm. bernadette: it was more of relief because his suffering had ended. And I think it was one of my relatives. My daughter was very, she's very, compassionate, she's very much a caregiver. She was very tender with my dad and helped him get him fed and cleaned up. And one of my other brothers, I could never do that. could never do that. Marcia Lee: But you like me, but not because you like me because my sister is a veget vegetative nurse. So like bernadette: huh. Marcia Lee: you said, she got the compassion piece down packed. So we actually split the duties. You know, because like you do bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: what you can do at the desk. And Brenda I wanna talk about something too that I think a lot of people don't talk about as we as we wrap it up, is that a job is flexible. bernadette: Ugh. Marcia Lee: Because luckily for me and I have to give my job one hundred percent credit and my leadership credit because when I got to go, I got to go. Like period. Some things are just bernadette: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: not open for the Not open for discussion and then I'm I'm allowed bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: that time to do what I need to do. Is the money bernadette: huh. Marcia Lee: one hundred percent great? No, but it's the time because see time is money and you have to bernadette: huh. Marcia Lee: you have to balance out, you have to know what you really want and need in these jobs. You know, I could I bernadette: You do. Marcia Lee: could get another job and make a lot of money, but do I have the same flexibility? Absolutely not. that's a upcoming that's a upcoming episode. We're talking about the whole flexibility piece because everybody, bernadette: Mm-hmm. Marcia Lee: you know, everybody doesn't have the same flexibility. my sister's off on Mondays. I'm telling her Monday. I said, do you I'll handle it So I usually I take them to their appointments because bernadette: huh. huh. Marcia Lee: I have the flexibility of of stepping away and So I don't mind because my sister in law cannot write. my brother he just comes and goes. So I'm filling out the paperwork, make sure everything is good, you know, setting up medical transportation, which is a whole nother whole ep whole entire episode that we will be doing probably on the live stream because like you said so many moving parts. We're just doing an abbreviated version today. for you for you all. bernadette: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm- Marcia Lee: Thank you for your time, your wisdom, wisdom, and for sharing this incredibly meaningful chapter of your life with us. bernadette: Well, thank you very much. And can I just say you can find me on TikTok, caregiver collaborative, the underscore caregiver collaborative on Instagram, on YouTube, also caregiver collaborative where the series, how the hell did I get here, which is the origin story of my 11 year journey that is up now in long form and the funny videos are on there as well. And I want to thank you so much for the opportunity. I love. just sharing my experience and hopefully it helps somebody. Marcia Lee: I'm sure it will, if it helps one person, we've helped a lot. bernadette: huh. Marcia Lee: And thank you for all your socials, because that's gonna definitely be in my show notes. And thank you all so much for another for joining us in another another edition of Cut the Beat, Ask Your Help, Your Choice. Everybody be fabulous and be well. Take care, everybody. bernadette: you