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Beyond the Label: Porn Is Infidelity and Needs to Be Treated as Such · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 19, 2026 Beyond the label,
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  porn is infidelity and needs to be treated as such.
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  A couple of weeks ago I said, I shy away from calling porn use an addiction,
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  but if it's making a mess of your marriage, hurting your job performance,
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  or destroying your life, it needs to be treated.
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  I got some pushback on that, including someone saying, that's insulting to the
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  other spouse, it ruins marriages.
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  I agree it ruins and sometimes ends marriages. I am extremely opposed to porn.
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  I've ranted about it often, but when I looked, I found I hadn't done that on
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  this blog. So let me fix that.
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  To my statement, I see addiction as a clinical term with a specific meaning.
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  And porn does not hit that in my experience.
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  One issue with calling it an addiction is I've heard men use that as an excuse for not getting free.
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  It bothers me that many see it as okay for a man to struggle with porn for years.
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  Will we tell a wife to put up with her husband who struggled with having affairs for years?
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  My other issue is some folks who call it an addiction use pseudoscience and worse to make it that.
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  Lies and panic won't help anyone get free of porn.
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  All that said, if you want to call it an addiction, go for it.
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  Regardless of what we call it, it's sin, it's infidelity, and it should be treated as both.
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  Yes, I said it's infidelity. Seeking sexual arousal from someone or something
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  other than your spouse is infidelity.
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  Many Christians are not willing to go that far, but based on what Jesus said, this is how God sees it.
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  The other issue is the growing number of Christian couples who use porn as foreplay,
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  One of them may feel guilty and may be doing it for their spouse But many of
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  them think it's okay as long as they do it together,
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  When Jesus spoke about lusting after other women He didn't say it was okay if
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  your wife was there with you, also lusting.
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  I feel this is a losing battle. More and more Christians view porn regularly,
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  including 40% of Christian women.
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  And while some see it as sin and would like to stop, a growing number are okay
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  with it, at least in their own mind.
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  I see it as one of the greatest crises being faced, not just by marriages, but also by the church.
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  All of you suffering because of porn have my prayers. There is help,
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  but a lot of those involved in porn don't really want to stop.
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  Sometimes it takes an ultimatum, and sometimes even that doesn't do it.
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  For those who do want help, I highly recommend Be Broken. There's a link in the show notes.
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  This is Paul, and porn is not doing marriage well.