Latest / Libido Lounge / Improve Your RELATIONSHIPS Now with Proven Communication Secrets with Dr. Robin Buckley

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Improve Your RELATIONSHIPS Now with Proven Communication Secrets with Dr. Robin Buckley · Libido Lounge

0:00
So when couples talk about their relationships, you know, this this emotional part of the
0:04
brain, the amygdala is firing.
0:06
And I always describe the amygdala like a toddler on caffeine.
0:10
But if you're looking for something that involves intimacy, it takes time.
0:14
A lot of times what I have experienced is that couples who share very similar spiritual
0:20
intimacies, they they do have stronger foundations because it's that value system.
0:25
It's what grounds them as a couple.
0:27
So it's not a matter of, oh, it's a threat and we can't do it.
0:30
It's okay.
0:31
Now how are we gonna work around that?
0:32
Well, it's not possible to get everything from one person.
0:36
So it's okay to say, that you know, my partner doesn't quite give me everything I want in the
0:43
area of emotional intimacy.
0:44
But there are times when the emotional intimacy is not as full as I want from him because he is
0:50
very much driven by his rational brain and sometimes I don't want to be.
0:54
Yeah.
0:55
So that's when I call up my sister or I call up my best friend because they will absolutely,
1:00
you know, let me do whatever I want with my emotions.
1:03
And that's okay.
1:04
It doesn't mean he's not the right partner for me.
1:06
It doesn't mean he's cold by any means.
1:08
It just means that I want something a little bit different or more.
1:12
Ideally, suggest a couple that at the at the latest, they do a this is not something that
1:17
you do once and you never think about again.
1:19
If you're the founders of your relationship, how are you gonna make sure that it sustains
1:24
all the ups and downs that are gonna come just like just like, you know, market values of a
1:27
business?
1:28
And you get to decide how to do that with all the tools possible.
1:32
When people talk about marriage or a relationship being hard work, that is BS.
1:38
Hey, everybody.
1:39
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Now back to our show.
2:22
Hey, everybody.
2:24
Welcome to another episode on the lounge.
2:28
I'm your host, certified sexologist and libido expert, doctor Diane, and I have a treat for
2:35
you today.
2:36
I have with me doctor Robin Robin Buckley, and we are going to talk about so many things
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today.
2:42
Some of them we're gonna talk about sex versus intimacy.
2:45
A lot of times these conversations are confused and I think so much of the time we focus on one
2:51
of the two in these conversations and we forget that sex and intimacy are different and we
2:56
forget that they're both important for the health and the maintenance of a relationship.
3:01
So we're gonna break that down, talk about strategies for both, and one of the things that
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I think is so cool about doctor Robin's methodology, about what part of her
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methodology, is taking business structure and business systems and applying that same
3:17
methodology to relationship.
3:18
And I think this is so valuable because as an entrepreneur and as a business owner, what I've
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seen in business, I do apply to life.
3:26
Right?
3:27
I apply to conversations that that I have about the step kids.
3:31
I apply it to things like scheduling time in my life and my day to day process for things like
3:38
fantasy and pleasure and my partner and more.
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So I can see, like, how this is so important, and we're gonna break down some more of the
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nitty gritty today and tell you how to get doctor Robin's book and so many more things.
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So thank you so much for joining me today, doctor Robin.
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I'm so excited.
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This will be fun.
3:56
Same here.
3:57
Same here.
3:58
So so much juicing is happening today, and let's start big picture.
4:03
Right?
4:03
So let's start with this conversation of intimacy versus sex.
4:07
Can you help just kinda lay some foundational found foundational groundwork for how these
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things are different?
4:15
Yeah.
4:16
So intimacy is our connection to someone else, and it isn't necessarily only involving sex.
4:23
In fact, there's different types of intimacy.
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There's emotional intimacy, there's intellectual intimacy, there's spiritual
4:29
intimacy, and there's experiential intimacy.
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And I think for a lot of us, we forget.
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We just lump it under one category and the term intimacy is used synonymously to mean sex, and
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these are not the same things.
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As you as you can tell from this list, it's a lot more faceted than those two being
4:48
interchangeable words.
4:50
So intimacy, at least in my perspective and maybe yours as well, is that it creates the
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foundation for the potential for a really healthy sexual life.
5:02
So it's very challenging to have a healthy sex life without intimacy, at least in the couples
5:09
that I've worked with.
5:11
Possible, but it's probably not a sex life that is sustainable.
5:15
Yeah.
5:16
And I think there's so much to be said there.
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I relate to all of that.
5:19
I actually had a personal realization recently around, like, I get all my personal
5:24
realizations when I'm snowboarding, and I was snowboarding a couple weeks ago, and so I was
5:28
thinking about business, like, frequently.
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And I was like, maybe I should I really need to stop saying I'm a sex doc and start saying I'm
5:36
an intimacy doc, and it's for exactly all those reasons because Yeah.
5:39
All of those things are the things I talk to people about.
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And so I think defining that is so key.
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And one of the things in what you're saying is like, okay.
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Well, can sex be as deep and as fulfilling?
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I think, like, when people go and and have more just, like, flings and one night stands, there
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can be, like, some level fulfillment in that.
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Do you see, like like, though that is difficult in those scenarios to get into more like this
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other type of intimacy which can lead to the depth of sex?
6:11
Absolutely.
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And I am not, you know, and as I perceive you aren't, I don't judge.
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If people want to go out and just have random, fun, non committal sex, as long as it's safe
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and consensual, have at it.
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%.
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Have no issues with that.
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But if you're looking for something that involves intimacy, it takes time.
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Takes time to know that person at that level, because very often, as strange as it might
6:34
sound, intimacy is more vulnerable than sex for, I think, a good percentage of individuals,
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because it's really getting into the things that you value, and how you identify in terms
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of as a person, as a being.
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So it takes a more extensive time than maybe the one night stands or the sex just for fun.
6:56
Again, each has its own place and each has its own choices, but to really develop that sense
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of intimacy is going to then broaden the level of sexual connection to a much deeper level.
7:08
Yeah.
7:08
I really like when intimacy is broken down into into me see.
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Right?
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And it's, like, so, like, a great example, like, when we, like, actually break it down and
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kind of make these side words out of the word of, like, what's really happening there.
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I'm like, yes.
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Like you said, it's, like, more vulnerable.
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Somebody is, like, seeing all the stuff, the stuff that we might personally put a label,
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good versus bad, and, you know, maybe there's shame and all those things.
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So, like, let's break this down even more, though.
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So you said with, like, your perspective of intimacy, did you name four different types?
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You named emotional, spiritual, sexual.
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What was the what was the other one?
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So there's emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and experiential
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intimacy.
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So can we talk about those a little bit more and like more on what those are and how do
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people begin to cultivate those different types of intimacy with their partner?
8:03
Yeah, absolutely.
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So when we're looking at emotional intimacy, think that might be the one that is easiest to
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understand.
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Emotional intimacy is that safe place and safe experience of sharing your emotions, your
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feelings, your perspectives on different things, and knowing that you won't be judged in
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a negative way, that it is okay to not only share them, but express them, and and be have
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that connection.
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And again, I think that is one that that a lot of people can understand.
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And and keeping in mind that when we talk about intimacy, this isn't reserved just for our
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romantic relationships.
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This this is also within our friendships, and having that emotional intimacy.
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And one more qualifier, you might only have some types of intimacy with certain people.
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I mean, in my ideal world, and when I talk with clients, it's lovely if you can have all types
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of intimacy with your romantic partner, but sometimes that's not possible.
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And I don't think that means the relationship is bad or not going to work, it just means that
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maybe some social diversification is necessary so you find that intimacy with someone else.
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And I mean that, you know, through a friendship or otherwise.
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So emotional intimacy is sharing and being vulnerable.
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Intellectual intimacy is more around the sharing of ideas, and being able to have
9:29
respectful debates with whoever it is that you want this intellectual intimacy with.
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And in the political climate of The United States, we this was a big challenge for a lot
9:41
of friendships, a lot of family members, and a lot of couples, because there was differing
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sides and differing perspectives that really started to break apart some of the intimacy
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because people couldn't share it with that level of respect.
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So that was really challenging, and I'm hopeful that that gets better for a lot of people.
10:02
Yeah.
10:03
Spiritual intimacy, a lot of people hear this then, and they assume it's around religion, and
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it is not.
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Spiritual intimacy is around your values, and how you see the greater world, how you see your
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purpose in life, and being able to share that with a partner or with a friend, and ideally
10:22
sharing it so that maybe that person can support you in achieving that.
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Not that they're gonna do it for you, but they can encourage you or they can keep you
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accountable if that's what you're looking for.
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They can they can be that that sounding board for you as you share kind of the greater
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greater ideas.
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A lot of times, what I've experienced is that couples who share very similar spiritual
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intimacies, they do have stronger foundations because it's that value system.
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It's what grounds them as a couple.
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And then experiential intimacy is, I don't know, I laugh because I think it's sometimes
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the most fun.
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It's what are you sharing in a very, for lack of redundancy, experiential way with someone?
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Are you going on trips?
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Do you go running with them?
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Do you go paint pottery?
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It doesn't matter what it is, but what are your shared experiences that bring you closer?
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Because it's those memories that again kind of weave themselves into the foundation of that
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relationship, whether it's a romantic relationship or whether it's a friend
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relationship.
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So as an example, in my family, our kids are all adult children now, but once a year, we
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take all of our kids and their significant others on some trip.
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So we don't exchange holiday presents.
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This is their present, and we do a big family trip, so there is that connection, and we have
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those memories.
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And my kids, long before they were adults, they have that history of of shared experiences,
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sometimes good, sometimes bad, that keeps that that experiential intimacy within our family
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unit.
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I I have so many questions going through my head, and, like, one of the so this is great.
12:01
Like, I already love framework.
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Right?
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Because one of the things I'm initially thinking about and, like, listening to this is
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it was just it was just when I hear this, it's like, okay.
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These are all different areas from an intimacy standpoint when we are fulfilled, when we say
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have our intimacy needs met, right, that we can feel more supported, we can feel more alive, we
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can feel more excited about life, we can there's just so many things, right, that can
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come out of this.
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And so what I'm curious about, and maybe this gets into your framework, is is there a process
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then that you take people through to help, like, identify, like, oh, okay.
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Maybe I don't have this spiritual value based connection with my partner, and maybe I need to
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get that through my friend.
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Like, is there a process for helping people identify how they can get their needs met and
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with who?
12:53
Yeah.
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Well, as objective as it sounds, because it is, with the couples I work with, we do a SWOT
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analysis.
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Okay.
13:02
If you aren't familiar with that term, it's a very business based term, which looks at
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strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.
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And it works in business because you can build off the strengths to address the weaknesses,
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strengths can also help kind of create, some kind of foundation to deal with any potential
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threats, and then you can see opportunities.
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And what I'll always say to couples who are like, I don't know, Doctor.
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Robin, can we really like, that seems a little too business y.
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I said, Well, if it works in business, why couldn't it work in a relationship?
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And towards intimacy, that's what we look at, is how can we use the strengths in the
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relationship to enhance each level of intimacy?
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And in order to do that, it's also identifying for each member of a couple, what does each
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type of intimacy look like for you?
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What are you sharing?
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Are you really strong in intellectual intimacy?
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How can we use that then to build spiritual intimacy if that's lacking?
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So we look at it in terms of where are the strengths in the couple, where are the
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challenges or the weaknesses, and then what are the opportunities to build on those?
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And are there any threats?
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As an example, sometimes, and I talk to a couple who has children, we talked about them
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as stakeholders, internal stakeholders, the couple is working to maintain, just like in
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business.
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And sometimes internal stakeholders are threats to experiential intimacy as a couple because
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they are time consuming, and they're financially consuming.
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So it's not a matter of, oh, it's a threat and we can't do it.
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It's okay, now how are we gonna work around that?
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So it's a very analytical way of breaking down where are the strongest points in a
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relationship, where are the challenges, and how can we foresee to avoid anything that could
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continue to damage the relationship.
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Yeah.
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I love it.
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I love the Swine Network in general.
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Basically, I think I just like I'm a scientist by, you know, by heart, and so anytime we can,
15:00
like, be a you know, find, like, systematic ways of of helping people, it just makes it so,
15:06
I think, linear and obtainable.
15:08
Well, as you know, a lot of it goes back to just neuroscience.
15:12
And when couples talk about their relationships, you know, this this emotional
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part of the brain, the amygdala, is firing.
15:18
And I always describe the
15:20
Just a quick break to let you know that eighty percent of women do not have orgasms from
15:25
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15:28
So many people are not having the type of sex that is healing, that brings them closer, that
15:33
brings them more connected, that is full of so much pleasure and passion that it can build
15:39
bones, reduce stress, help serotonin, bring happiness, lower anxiety, improve sleep, and
15:45
build a better connection with your partner.
15:48
That is what hot and modern monogamy is, is modern monogamy that brings in all of that
15:54
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16:00
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16:01
So if you're interested in that and I can help you, please go to modernmonogamyclub.com.
16:07
Now back to our show.
16:08
And if we don't find a way to rein in the amygdala and get our logical part of our brain,
16:13
the prefrontal cortex engaged, then the amygdala is going to take over, and that's
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where you see couples blow up, whether it's in sadness or in anger.
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But when you're looking at things strategically, whether it's through a SWOT
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analysis or otherwise, then your prefrontal cortex is there, and then you can talk about
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even really difficult things in a really calm way.
16:33
Yeah.
16:33
That's interesting, right?
16:34
You were actually taking something that is highly emotional, like our emotional intimacy
16:39
also be redundant, and we're actually taking that and we're saying, oh, we're gonna actually
16:44
take the emotion out of the emotional intimacy so we process it.
16:49
Right?
16:49
So we can get emotional intimacy.
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This very cyclical thing that works.
16:54
Yeah.
16:54
I love that so much.
16:55
So, you know, when do you typically find then in, like, your work where you do something
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this?
17:00
So you're doing a SWOT analysis on these four different intimacy areas.
17:04
When when do you find in your work then it's like, oh, this is something that that we're not
17:10
actually able to say improve upon.
17:13
Right?
17:13
There's opportunity is, like, we just can't get to that opportunity to say, ugh.
17:18
Like, we're gonna have this intellectual relationship that's just maybe not available.
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Is that what happens then is, like, then determining, like, because of something like
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that coming up, like, okay.
17:29
You need to maybe find a way of getting this need met through a friendship or through a
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course, or is that kinda how it works?
17:36
Yeah.
17:36
For a lot of a lot of us in in our society, you know, we're raised on rom coms and Disney and
17:42
Hallmark and these, wonderful relationships created by fate and destiny, and I don't buy
17:47
into that one bit, I think that's what leads to disappointment for a lot of relationships.
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And we buy into the idea that our partner is the one person to give us everything, and
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whether you listen to Esther Perel or Renee Brown or any of these amazing, you know,
18:02
theorists and researchers, this is just not possible.
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It's not possible to get everything from one person.
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So it's okay to say, wow, that you know, my partner doesn't quite give me everything I want
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in the area of emotional intimacy.
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I do hope that your partner gives you some in each area, but it doesn't have to be to the
18:22
fullest extent.
18:23
I adore my husband.
18:25
I am very lucky to be best friends with my husband because we were best friends for twenty
18:29
years before we were married, so it was an easy jump.
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But there are times when the emotional intimacy is not as full as I want from him because he is
18:38
very much driven by his rational brain, and sometimes I don't want to be.
18:42
Yeah.
18:42
So that's when I call up my sister, or I call up my best friend, because they will
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absolutely, you know, let me do whatever I want with my emotions, and that's okay.
18:51
It doesn't mean he's not the right partner for me.
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It doesn't mean he's cold by any means.
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It just means that I want something a little bit different or more, and it's great that I
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have other people so that it then doesn't become, oh, he can't do for me what I want, and
19:04
then it spins out of control.
19:06
And I think, you know, just like being able to name that and categorize it going into things,
19:11
it's so much easier than to like recognize, like, oh, right.
19:15
This is that thing that's happening where this need's not being met, and instead of making the
19:19
partner bad, we just realize like, oh, they're showing up for them in, like, the way they're
19:24
able to, and now I recognize this, and now I can just call my sister, like you're saying.
19:28
Exactly.
19:29
Exactly.
19:29
It gives the power back.
19:31
Mhmm.
19:31
Now do you apply anything more from the sexual side of things to business at all?
19:38
Or is it more just in these other types of intimacy categories?
19:40
There's no area of relationship that escapes this framing.
19:44
One of the biggest areas, or easiest strategies is, you know, we talk in business about annual
19:52
reviews, and every year, a person gets to review with someone that is involved in their
19:59
development how they're doing.
20:00
Now, I do not recommend that couples do an annual review because that's too long, too long
20:05
to wait.
20:06
Ideally, I suggest to couples that at the latest, they do a quarterly review, but I love
20:12
monthly reviews.
20:14
And it looks very much like an annual review, where there is an agenda, and there are topics
20:19
to cover, not only new topics that have come up, but consistent topics.
20:24
And sexual life or intimacy is one of those steady agenda items each month, or each quarter
20:30
if it has to be extended out.
20:32
And it's a conversation of what is working, a little bit of a SWOT analysis, what's not
20:37
working, what techniques have we tried that we wanna keep trying, what techniques really
20:44
didn't work, but it gives a spot for couples to have the conversation.
20:48
Because a lot of times, you know, it's you're walking past each other in the kitchen, how is
20:51
your day good?
20:52
How is your day good?
20:53
And that's all you're getting.
20:54
That's right.
20:54
And that's not gonna enhance any level of intimacy, and certainly not gonna roll over to
20:59
enhancing a sexual wellness.
21:01
So when you actually know that's going be on the agenda, it gives you the opportunity,
21:05
because a lot of times, I don't know about you, Diane, but when people are in bed with their
21:11
partners, that isn't necessarily the time they want to have these dragged out conversations.
21:15
It either detracts from what they're trying to accomplish, whatever that might be, or it
21:20
becomes emotional because they're in that vulnerable space, and then it feels like
21:25
criticism or disappointment, instead of, hey, we're in this, you know, we're sitting in our
21:30
home office, or we're sitting at the dining room table, the kids are out of your shot, and
21:35
I can just say, you know what, remember that two weeks ago?
21:37
That didn't really feel very good, and I'd like to process how we can work around that.
21:41
Again, couples sometimes pull back because they think it sounds way too sterile, but then
21:49
again, if you can have those kind of conversations about really important emotional
21:55
topics and lead to a solution, that's what makes it better.
21:59
Yeah.
22:00
It's amazing.
22:00
And I've seen that too in my work that the bed is not oftentimes the place to have these kind
22:05
of conversations.
22:06
Like, it's like we have memories, and if it doesn't go, if it feels like stagnant or if it
22:12
doesn't go or as well as you want or there's a moment of intensity, the next time you do wanna
22:17
go and just be sexy and intimate and have your moments, then sometimes those memories come
22:23
flooding back.
22:24
Exactly.
22:25
It's like that's a very real, like, it can create a very real, like, PTSD, almost trauma
22:30
type of response in certain situations.
22:32
Right.
22:32
It is amazing when you, you know, you you see how the connections are.
22:36
You know, you have these objective conversations, these rational, data based, you
22:41
know, fact based conversations.
22:43
It enhances intimacy at sometimes multiple levels, which then can enhance your your sex
22:48
life.
22:49
And to me, I, you know, I can't speak for everyone.
22:52
That's the ideal.
22:53
Like, I can I can get all of it by just using all the pieces instead of, we're just gonna use
22:58
one piece and hope it ripples out, because that that isn't typically how things are done in
23:02
personal life, and definitely not in business?
23:04
No.
23:04
Not in business and not in medicine either.
23:06
Like, are looking for, like, one root cause.
23:09
I'm like, well, maybe a strep throat, but there's you know, you look at, like, low
23:13
libido, for example, and it's, like, yeah.
23:15
It could be testosterone, but it's usually testosterone and circulation and neurological
23:20
and emotional and on and on and on and on and on.
23:23
It's, like, this there's not one cause here.
23:25
And you're going use all the tools, you're going to go see a physician, you're also maybe
23:29
going to go see a therapist or a counselor or a coach, and then maybe you're also going to take
23:33
medications, you're going to use all the tools available.
23:35
So when I work with couples, you know, I say, you don't rule out anything.
23:40
Why wouldn't you wanna use everything at your disposal to get what you really want, or at
23:44
least really close to it?
23:45
Yeah.
23:46
I love it.
23:47
So we talked about SWOT analysis.
23:49
We talked about our monthly reviews.
23:51
Mhmm.
23:52
What other business, and I, you know, we're gonna encourage people obviously to go get your
23:55
book, which will have way more in it than we can get to today, but but can you give us
23:59
another example of a, like, business type of framework that you've seen really apply to
24:04
intimacy and sex?
24:04
Really, really simple one.
24:07
I ask all my couples from the very first session, tell me what you understand and what a
24:12
mission statement is, and they can rattle off all their companies and their small businesses
24:17
have mission statements, and they're all full of themselves because they know what the
24:21
benefits are, and I said, okay, cool.
24:23
So what's your relationship mission statement?
24:25
And then I get deer in the headlights or just crickets in the background, and they're like,
24:28
oh, well, no.
24:29
That's not the same.
24:30
I'm like, it is.
24:31
All benefits you talked about, you know, keeping everybody unified under one goal and
24:36
having a direction for the company and shared values, and articulation of that are all what a
24:43
business can do, but why wouldn't you want the same things in your relationship?
24:47
So couples will work on developing a mission statement, and then sometimes, as we progress,
24:53
I will actually have them create a second mission statement, which is just about their
24:56
sex life.
24:57
So they create a sexual mission statement that is specific to that area of their life because
25:01
sometimes that needs a more developed nuance than just their overall relationship mission
25:07
statement, and it becomes a tool.
25:09
I tell them, this is not something that you do once and you never think about again.
25:13
Again, as your monthly review, you review your mission statement.
25:16
What are some ways we supported our mission statement this month?
25:19
What are some ways we were totally off track?
25:21
And the same with the sexual mission statement.
25:23
How did we support it, and how did we miss the mark, and how can we change that?
25:28
It becomes an evaluation tool for all the important areas, the big umbrella of the
25:34
relationship and that really specific important part for a lot of people around intimacy and
25:38
sex.
25:39
I love it, and I was about to even comment before you said it, the monthly review, because
25:43
my partner and I actually did this.
25:45
We created a couple mission statements.
25:47
Oh, I love this.
25:48
But here's the thing, as you were saying this, I immediately was like, but can I actually tell
25:53
her what it is?
25:54
Because we've not been doing the review.
25:55
And I know that.
25:56
Like, and like, I do that for my business.
25:58
I do monthly reviews, and quarterly reviews, and yearly reviews, and all the things.
26:02
But but so I was like, this is a perfect example of like, we created it, and now I need
26:06
to talk to him tonight and be like, do you remember what that was?
26:09
And we probably need to update it because it's been some years.
26:11
Right.
26:12
Exactly.
26:13
But that's a really
26:13
White weird shoe.
26:14
Mean, it's Right.
26:15
It's this dynamic, ever evolving.
26:18
It isn't just you slap it on paper, and then it's good forever.
26:21
That's crazy.
26:22
Your relationship, I would hope, isn't like that.
26:25
It's gonna continue to evolve and change as each of you do, so Yeah.
26:30
Yeah.
26:30
And I think it's so exciting.
26:31
I a lot too about putting people in couples, putting each other on the same team again,
26:36
right?
26:36
Yeah, is.
26:37
And I think so many times, it's like we get in these little things, right, these little spats,
26:42
or these little moments that drift us apart, and it's so easy to forget that, hey, this is
26:47
like you know, this is like teammate.
26:49
This is like being on the same team.
26:51
And I think that mission statement, like, in is a good way.
26:55
It's one of, you know, many tools that really can help to, like, put people, like, back on,
27:00
oh, this is why we're together.
27:01
This is what we're doing.
27:02
We're on the same team.
27:03
This is what our team is about.
27:04
This is what we stand for.
27:05
When you think about it, you know, and again, we're talking in more of a traditional sense of
27:11
a two partner relationship, and I know there's lots of different ways a relationship can look.
27:16
But if we're going from that framework, you know, those two people are the founders of the
27:21
relationship, just like co founders of a business would be working together.
27:25
So if you're the founders of your relationship, how are you gonna make sure that it sustains
27:30
all the ups and downs that are going to come, just like market values of a business, and you
27:35
get to decide how to do that with all the tools possible?
27:38
So good.
27:39
So good.
27:40
And I do like the sexual mission statement too.
27:42
You know, I'm also thinking, yeah.
27:44
We've, like, kinda defined, like, what our, like, sex goals are, meaning, like, frequency
27:48
and things we wanna try and those kind of things.
27:51
But we haven't, like, defined it from, like, a mission statement standpoint.
27:54
So I I love you're giving me some fun ideas for our conversation after we celebrate with the
28:00
celebrate life with kids later.
28:03
I love to get it.
28:04
So good.
28:05
Okay.
28:06
So, wrapping up part one here, and then we'll let everybody know that, hey.
28:10
You can get part two by going to mylibidoclub.com.
28:13
And in part two, we're gonna talk about CBT framework, cognitive behavioral therapy, and,
28:18
like, some of the framework with that.
28:20
Like, my understanding of CBT has always been, like, part of the the process with that is to
28:25
get trauma and things that are more intense or maybe more activating to the nervous system
28:30
more into the prefrontal cortex where we can process them and actually have conversations.
28:36
Is that is that really what we're doing here with that?
28:38
Yeah.
28:39
It's actually applying deliberate strategies so that your brain becomes your ally in the
28:44
relationship rather than your adversary.
28:46
And that is as simple as I can make it.
28:48
And so we're going to talk about that in part two, I think that's so important because a lot
28:53
of times it's like the crazy thought that like gets into the brain, and we believe that
28:59
thought, and the thought then creates all these feelings and it takes over.
29:02
Yes.
29:02
And all of a sudden, we're making these decisions about our life and our relationship
29:05
just because we had a thought go by our brain and we didn't even have to believe it.
29:09
Right?
29:10
Exactly.
29:10
Okay.
29:11
So part two coming up.
29:12
But before that, before that, like, let's tell everybody about your book that's coming out,
29:17
how to access that, how to access, you know, just all your goodies.
29:21
Right.
29:21
So by the summer of twenty twenty five, my book, it's entitled, Marriage Incorporated,
29:28
Building a Relationship with a Business Framework, is going to be out, and it talks
29:32
about some of the strategies that we've talked about today, Diane, as well as a whole host of
29:36
others.
29:37
So it's based on over fifteen years of using this framework and really seeing it work in a
29:42
way that, for some couples who have tried even traditional therapy, just didn't have the
29:46
success.
29:47
So that's going to be out, and if you have any questions about it, you can find me on
29:50
Instagram, LinkedIn, or at my website, drrobynbuckley.com.
29:53
And we'll have all of those links in the show notes.
29:56
And then you had some other giveaway too, is that right?
29:58
Yeah, absolutely.
29:59
So when people reach out, we can absolutely schedule a complimentary fifteen minute
30:06
coaching session.
30:07
It's usually just something where I can really help very quickly identify some key goals that
30:13
people want to accomplish, and give them a couple quick strategies.
30:17
So it's just a way to really jump start your relationship.
30:21
Perfect.
30:22
Great gifts, and we'll find all that in the show notes.
30:24
And before we wrap up today, is there any, like, final final thing you wanna say to
30:30
everybody before we call it a wrap?
30:32
Yeah.
30:32
I I would say that when people talk about marriage relationship being hard work, that is
30:37
BS.
30:38
It is not hard work.
30:40
It is diligence, nurturing, and dedication to the relationship every single day.
30:44
But if you tell your brain it's hard work, and we'll be talking about this next, it will be.
30:49
So stop telling yourself that and just apply the tools that will get you the relationship
30:53
you want.
30:54
I love that so much.
30:55
I get very frustrated when people say the same thing, so we're totally in alignment there.
30:59
So everybody, I hope you will go check out this book.
31:03
This will be out basically any day now.
31:05
And please go check out more of Robin's work and find me at mylibidoclub.com for part two.
31:11
Thank you so much, Robin, for being here today.
31:13
Thank you, Diane.
31:14
This was awesome.
31:15
Alright, everybody.
31:16
This is another episode of The Lounge.
31:18
Can't wait to see you again.
31:22
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
31:24
Please don't keep me a secret.
31:26
Please share this with your friends.
31:28
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.