Latest / What The Heck with Matt Bellassai / “One Night Only,” Wicker Whoopee, and the Aussie Bird Man?!

Transcript

“One Night Only,” Wicker Whoopee, and the Aussie Bird Man?! · What The Heck with Matt Bellassai

0:00
To do an Australian accent you have to have kind of a a throat
0:04
full of straight up testicles. There's something in the the
0:08
back of my throat and it sounds like I'm trying to swallow a big
0:15
fat load of. I am a sucker for a big fat load
0:19
of Australian though. Welcome back to What the Heck
0:27
with Matt Bellassai, a podcast about what the heck is going on,
0:29
what the heck is happening and all the things that make me say
0:32
what the heck. The rumors are true, folks.
0:36
I did in fact, turn 36 years old this week, a a terrifying
0:40
milestone, especially once I realized, in kind of a shocking
0:43
stoned moment during my birthday dinner, that 36 is in fact 18 *
0:50
2, which means I'm officially been a legal adult for as long
0:54
as I've been an illegal child. And I don't like that at all.
0:58
That can possibly be true. There's no way I've lived as
1:01
much life as an adult as I did as a child.
1:05
But it turns out, yes, in fact I have.
1:07
And there's not much left. But no, yeah, I made it.
1:14
I made it to 36. I'm officially in my late 30s.
1:18
I know some people are shocked. I I did go to an event and some,
1:23
you know, it was one of those events where they should have ID
1:25
Ed me. And, you know, they weren't
1:29
checking for like, you know, alcohol reason.
1:31
They were just like looking at people's like, no, I guess they
1:33
were checking for alcohol reasons.
1:35
Anyway, this lady was like, I don't have to ID you.
1:37
And I was like, OK, well fuck you bitch.
1:40
But also, yeah, obviously I have the hairline of like an 89 year
1:43
old lady. So although that's not true, 89
1:46
year old ladies have some of the thickest hair you've ever seen.
1:49
And I'm not talking about the hair on their heads, am I right
1:51
folks? High 5.
1:53
Anyway, that is enough about my birthday.
1:55
Let's get into what the heck is going on this week in my life.
1:59
In addition to turning 36, I am also OK.
2:03
I set up my parents Ring camera. I'm not a huge fan of the Ring
2:09
camera as as a device and what it is doing to us culturally.
2:13
Do we need to have a camera on everybody's doorstep?
2:17
Probably not. Nothing good is coming from it.
2:19
Remember that Super Bowl commercial where they were like
2:21
it helps us find dogs? OK, sure.
2:23
I'm sure it'll stop at just that.
2:25
Definitely. But also because it's turned a
2:27
lot of people into kind of get off my lawn neighborhood
2:30
vigilante Watchmen in a way that I do not like, you know, the way
2:34
that people kind of get on their Ring cameras and then they're
2:37
they're looking out. Oh, someone is pulling into my
2:40
driveway. I better go kind of have a fit
2:42
over it. People in the suburbs do not
2:46
like when you pull into their driveway.
2:48
Oh my God, you try to turn around in someone's driveway.
2:51
Chances are someone is like a 75 year old woman is cocking a
2:55
shotgun inside that house and she's ready to blast your face
2:59
off for for pulling into her driveway.
3:01
I can imagine myself being the type of old person who would
3:05
kind of freak the fuck out for someone pulling in my driveway
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because I can imagine not having anything going on for myself
3:11
when I turn AD when and if knock on wood.
3:15
But like calm the fuck down. And that's it's like we don't
3:18
need more information. We don't need more visuals to to
3:21
get angry from and that's what Ring camera is allowing.
3:25
The point of this story is that I set up my parents ring camera
3:28
a long time ago and I still get their notifications 'cause I
3:31
like to spy on them. Case in point, I I am Big
3:34
Brother for my family apparently and I'm sort of watching them
3:37
1984 style and reporting on their crimes the other day.
3:43
I I mostly ignore the notifications 'cause it's
3:46
usually just people, you know, the regular goings on of a
3:50
suburban home. And then the other day I pulled
3:53
it up because I was getting a bunch of notifications and there
3:55
were two armed police officers with their weapons drawn running
4:01
down the driveway of my parents house.
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I was like, what the hell is going on?
4:06
So I called my mom immediately and she was like, are you
4:09
watching this? And I was like, yeah, what has
4:12
happened? Are you safe?
4:14
Yeah. It turns out they're just sort
4:16
of like some criminal activity in the area and like, the police
4:19
were hunting down some type of suspect, allegedly.
4:23
And then they were looking in at my, my parents, like, garbage
4:26
can and mailbox. I guess the accusation was that
4:30
someone had run through and perhaps dropped a weapon.
4:34
I saw nobody else on the Ring camera except armed police
4:38
officers who I believe were illegally looking in the mailbox
4:42
and garbage can. By the way, although is a
4:46
mailbox technically government property?
4:49
You. Know I have no idea.
4:52
I'm still going to go ahead and say that the police violated my
4:55
family's constitutional rights by looking into our mailbox for
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a weapon. There was nothing there.
5:01
I think they allegedly the story that I ended up getting was that
5:06
they found whatever suspects they were looking for in a
5:09
Dunkin' Donuts bathroom, but it was just like, nothing is more
5:13
jarring than just casually picking up your phone to look at
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a ring notification and seeing armed police officers running
5:20
down the sidewalk. The funniest part of it is that
5:23
my mom, in fact, called 911 on the police officers that she saw
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because she was like, what are they doing here?
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How do I know they're even real police officers?
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They weren't trying to interact with her in any way.
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They weren't. It wasn't like she was like, how
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do I know if I can trust this person?
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But she's still, I'm like, I guess that is a use of 911 that
5:45
I can get behind. Who's watching the Watchmen?
5:49
Debbie Topic of Debbie, actually.
5:54
We had to have a talk with her about how much she was
5:57
commenting on literally every post on the Internet.
6:02
Almost anything that I or my friends were posting on the
6:04
Internet. My mom was the first comment
6:07
within like 60 seconds she was commenting, and it's because she
6:11
was riding the high off of a comment she made one time on one
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of my videos that got like several thousand likes or
6:18
something and she has been chasing that high ever since.
6:23
Anyway, right, we had to talk about it.
6:26
My brother had to be like, it's kind of like the equivalent of
6:30
you dropping us off at school and then not leaving.
6:36
It's like that same kind of dynamic is when you're a kid and
6:39
you're like, OK, that's enough, you can go now.
6:43
Yeah, No, she did kind of pretty quickly turn it into like,
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you'll miss this when I'm gone. Yeah, we got, we got, we slid
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into emotional manipulation pretty quickly.
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I would say she said it in a joking way, but you know, but
7:00
also in a manner in which I know that she believes that.
7:04
Anyway, the point is, fuck the Ring camera.
7:09
I would play the footage actually if I weren't afraid of
7:12
people doxing my my parents. Cause not that I think there's
7:16
anything identifying, but there are scenarios.
7:18
There's that one kind of like autistic hawkeyed man on Tiktok
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who's able to like geolocate any location based on a single blade
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of grass. I don't know what flavour of,
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you know, the spectrum he has, but it's made him into some type
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of like FBI super informant. I don't understand if they
7:41
haven't already, how the FBI has not kind of like commissioned
7:44
that man or like essentially imprisoned.
7:48
Do you know the man I'm talking about?
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I don't even know his name. It's like it's the skinny white
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guy who's has this unnatural superpower.
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There is this website, like it's kind of a game where Google
8:00
Earth will kind of randomly to show you a part of the world and
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you have to kind of pinpoint on the map what they where, where
8:08
you think it is. And he's able to do it within
8:13
meters every single time for the world.
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It will show you a random roadside, like zoomed in.
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And he'll be like, that's, that's Nigeria.
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And it's like, not only is it Nigeria, but it is this specific
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like corner of Nigeria. And it is so shocking.
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And I don't understand like how he hasn't found every kidnapping
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victim in the last 10 years where culturally we're we're, we
8:41
can wrap our heads around like psychic dogs finding people more
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than we can that guy. And I don't understand how they
8:50
haven't basically commissioned him to be like, where is that?
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I don't know. It's just a suggestion.
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Just apparently the police are too busy running up and down a
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suburban driveway. But no, I am spying on that
9:02
camera because also that later that same day, I spied a very
9:08
attractive pizza delivery man bringing pizza to my brother.
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And I was like, let me watch this for a second.
9:13
Actually, I watched the whole interaction.
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My brother was like, I think we ordered a soup also.
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And the guy was like, oh, hold on, let me go get it.
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And I was like, yeah, let me watch him walk away and then
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come back with the soup. Suddenly your parents are like
9:30
why? Why are we getting so much
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pizza? Yeah, I'm just placing a
9:35
delivery order from 1000 miles away just so I can see the man.
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Next, you may have heard that there exists a world in which
9:50
single people are only legally allowed to have sex one night a
9:53
year. Yeah, a world in which Dua
9:55
Lipa's sexy big eared boyfriend husband Callum Turner is somehow
10:02
unable to get someone to let him stick it in on the very night
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where single people are allowed to have sex legally.
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This is a world of course that is captured in the film One
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Night Only, which I had the distinct displeasure of getting
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an early screening to. So I I went to a screening.
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I was someone's plus one for a screening.
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So let me let me reiterate these are my opinions only and not
10:29
those of anybody associated with me.
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And also, I checked the date and the embargo on reviews lifted on
10:38
August 5th. So I can talk shit about this
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movie. I mean, if if you have somehow
10:43
escaped this film in the last year that we have been subjected
10:47
to the trailer playing before every movie I've seen, it is a
10:52
kind of will they won't they ROM com set in a apparent like
10:57
theocratic fascist state in which single people are allowed
11:02
to have sex one day a year. And yeah, I I like, do I have
11:06
1000 questions about this film? Absolutely.
11:09
Going into it. Did I have 1000 questions?
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Yes, going out. Guess what?
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I got even more questions I left more confused than I did going
11:18
in. Just to get the obvious.
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Let me be your sort of guide to this film and answer some of the
11:25
basic questions that you've been wondering.
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One, how do they enforce this ban?
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Let me explain the science of it 'cause you, you better believe
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they spend half of the movie explaining how the fuck this
11:35
works. It is every single person, well,
11:40
every person in America apparently, gets a biometric
11:44
sensor tattooed on them in any shape that you want, actually on
11:50
your wrist. And it's either green, if you're
11:53
married and therefore you're allowed to have sex whenever you
11:55
want, or it's red, meaning you're single and I guess you'll
12:00
get killed if you try to have sex outside of marriage.
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And but the one night a year that it's legal, the sensor
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turns green for everybody and it's just kind of a a
12:10
countrywide bank fest. I have several other questions
12:14
that were not addressed by the film, namely, whose idea was
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this? And can I gather enough people
12:23
with torches and pitchforks to make sure they never make a
12:25
movie again? But some of the other kind of
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rapid fire questions I'd like to go through, here we go.
12:33
One is jerking off aloud. Can you jerk it in the same room
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with someone else? If so, is dry humping allowed?
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Is hand or mouth stuff of any kind allowed?
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Or is it just kind of PNV? In which case I understand why
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gay people maybe are getting around it because we're not
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doing PNV. But is PNA allowed and is P?
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Is PNA allowed for straight people?
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Is porn legal? Do the porn stars have to be
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married? Is divorce allowed?
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Can you get married and then get divorced directly after you
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bust? Can a married person have sex
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with another married person who who they are not in a
13:16
relationship with Because both your tattoos are green for for
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for go on busting, can you just bust with any other green
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person? Can all married people just be
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kind of be having orgies? I don't know.
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These are questions that were not answered.
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Why? Like are guns legal in this
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world? And if so, why wasn't there kind
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of a January 6th moment the second this law was passed?
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I think if this happened in the real world, there would be a
13:43
January 6th would look like a picnic.
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They would be tearing down. Like give it 48 hours.
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They'd be tearing down the White House with with their raw
13:55
boners. But yeah, like, what happens if
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you're on your period that one night?
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I guess you just have bloody period sex.
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I'm going to throw up. Can't think about that.
14:06
Yeah, I just don't. Why wouldn't everybody just move
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to another country where fucking is legal?
14:12
It's like there. There's no effort in this movie
14:14
to explain how living in the United States is so much better
14:17
than anywhere else otherwise. And it kind of makes you think
14:22
like, oh, I guess kind of fucking whoever you want is what
14:25
makes America great. What happens if you're just
14:27
making out with someone and then you accidentally bust in your
14:30
pants? Does that count?
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Are they if they're going to shoot you?
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But also, again, is it just P&V that it's not allowed?
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Where do Mormons fall in all of this?
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Can you do the jumping in bed sort of Mormon loophole?
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Was there some kind of violent civil war that was fought over
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this law and, and this is just the aftermath?
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When do you get the tattoo and are like horny teenagers just
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being put to death or, or do you not get the tattoo until you're
15:01
like 18 and therefore you can just kind of fuck whoever you
15:04
want until then? And my last most important
15:07
question is how long did Callum Turner study that American
15:10
accent and why wasn't it longer? Listen, one of the most
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beautiful man, I, I find Callum Turner, like, endlessly
15:19
appealing. I, you know, I would, I would
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grab onto those ears and ride that wave like a, like a jet
15:28
ski. OK, is he British?
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He's British. I always forget, 'cause
15:33
sometimes they're Australian. And that kind of hits you, hits
15:36
you in a way that you're not expecting at this event.
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There were a couple of Australian Tiktokers in front of
15:42
me. And when you hear an Australian
15:44
person hit the Nur in real life, beautiful stuff, beautiful
15:51
stuff. It hits the ears.
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So, so you're like, they're really saying it like that.
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No, no in the by the way, this 2 Australian Tiktokers, we're
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talking to two British Tiktokers.
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I thought they were all British for a solid first 3 minutes
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until she said no. And I was like, oh, I got that
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pretty off by several 1000 kilometers.
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I the particular event that I went to happened to have a lot
16:19
of Tik Tokers there. And once again, I was a + 1.
16:23
I was not invited to this event. That being said, watching a film
16:30
in a room full of Tik Tokers is a hell that I would not wish
16:35
upon my worst enemy. There's no if.
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If you thought watching a a movie in public these days was
16:44
bad with just normal people, imagine doing that in a room
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with some of the most mentally ill people that have been given
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microphones and cameras. I I I don't want it to ever
16:55
happen to me again. I barely got out alive.
16:58
Yeah, there was a girl in front of me who was posting on
17:01
Instagram, full brightness on her phone.
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And it wasn't even a, a, a photograph because I could see
17:07
the photograph in clear 4K in this.
17:10
The movie had started, we were in darkness and her phone is on
17:14
full brightness. She's posting a photograph that
17:17
I could see clearly, which was not from this event.
17:20
It was from just earlier in the day or another day.
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She's writing out a whole caption over her story.
17:26
And I, Yeah. Was I kind of passive aggressive
17:29
about it at 1st and, and made several comments that I thought
17:32
she could overhear? Yeah.
17:34
Did I skip immediately from passive aggressive to outright
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aggressive, forgetting that there is kind of an, a polite in
17:41
between where you just ask someone to turn their phone off?
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I did because I leaned forward and I was like, can you turn
17:47
that off? It's so bright.
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And she honestly wasn't ashamed enough.
17:54
She, she's, she was like, yeah, sorry, I'll turn it off.
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But she, I, I think she should have been more embarrassed.
18:00
And then I felt bad because I was like, wow, I was kind of a
18:04
Dick to her. And even though I could see her
18:07
head was still down and she was still editing the photograph, I
18:11
couldn't see the phone anymore. So it didn't really bother me.
18:13
But I was like, you. And then the British people next
18:17
to them, we're also talking the whole time, just commenting on
18:20
the entire movie. And that's another problem with
18:23
Tik Tokers because everybody thinks that they, you know, if
18:26
you have a TikTok account with a certain number of followers, you
18:29
think, oh, everyone wants to hear everything I have to say.
18:31
I don't want to hear what you have to say.
18:34
It's not good. I do like hearing British people
18:36
though, normally. But I'm not here to watch the
18:39
the British Person's Director's Cut of One Night Only when I
18:45
already have a bunch of other questions going on.
18:48
Anyway, in other movie news, I believe it was a 24 right that
18:54
dropped the trailer for Wicker, a movie starring Academy Award
19:00
winner Olivia Coleman as this outcast fisherwoman who is
19:06
living in this old timey fishing village who commissions the
19:10
local basket maker Peter Dinklage to fashion her a
19:16
husband made out of, you guessed it, Wicker.
19:21
He does make her this kind of walking, talking Wicker sex doll
19:26
played by Alexander Skarsgard, and she fucks him silly.
19:31
And that's sort of the that's sort of the film.
19:34
I'll be front row seated. I'll be front row seated.
19:37
IMAX 70mm. Watching it the way Olivia
19:41
Coleman intended. IA lot of people are very
19:46
worried about splinters, which does sort of beg the question
19:53
and and this is something that I was thinking about very
19:54
seriously. What is Wicker even?
19:59
Is it wood? Yes, OK, I'm glad we are.
20:04
I'm glad we established that It seems like everybody else is
20:07
kind of like fully aware of that fact and I'm the only one who
20:10
wasn't. I don't know what the fuck is
20:13
Wicker like. I guess Wicker is like very it's
20:16
plastic, isn't it? No.
20:17
No, no, no, no. It's a technically Wicker is the
20:20
technique. It's a weaving technique and you
20:22
can weave with different materials.
20:25
Historically, you are weaving with strips of a type of wood
20:29
like bamboo. Or Willow.
20:32
Or. Reed.
20:34
Something wooden? Yeah, something woven and
20:37
wooden. Yeah, I'll tell you what's
20:41
wooden. This Dick.
20:43
After seeing Alexander Skarsgard I do think if a 24 doesn't come
20:48
out with a promotional Wicker dildo they need to shut that
20:53
whole movie studio down. I've had enough of them and I
20:56
better be the first customer. I'll take one for the team and
20:59
test it out. The Wicker the Wicker man dildo.
21:03
It does. I mean if you haven't seen the
21:05
trailer, Alexander Skarsgard looks ridiculous.
21:07
I haven't watched the the UK trailer, which I guess has full
21:13
blown Wicker peen in it. Allegedly, allegedly.
21:16
But yeah, I am very excited to find out what the promotional
21:20
tie insurance for that movie will be, if any.
21:22
I don't, I don't know if they're, I don't know if this is
21:24
the type of movie where they're like we got to roll out the
21:27
special popcorn bucket. It's usually, you know, like
21:30
Spider Man and the Odyssey and not this small film about, you
21:36
know, a fuckable Wicker Man. But maybe now, after I think
21:39
everybody just got to keep it up.
21:41
If we all collectively demand the Wicker dildo, we'll get it.
21:46
And if not, first, what the heck merch item?
21:52
Moving on, have we heard about the Australian Birdman?
21:58
Let me just play this Australian clip.
22:02
Obviously I am mostly into the accents that are happening here,
22:07
but the story itself is also insane.
22:10
Is he? Simply a bird lover or a
22:12
complete galah. I don't know what the fuck a
22:15
galah is. Galah is he?
22:20
What does she say? Is he simply a bird lover or a
22:22
complete galah? Is he simply a bird lover or a
22:28
complete galah? I don't know.
22:32
A GALAH. It's a common Australian
22:35
cockatoo, known for its distinctive pink and grey
22:38
plumage. I see.
22:39
So maybe they use it it it's OK. It's the a galah is the name of
22:43
a bird, an Australian bird. But maybe they use it like a
22:46
loon or something, Right? Such a loon.
22:51
But they don't have loons, They have galahs anyway.
22:55
He appears out of nowhere on his pre dawn raids, face covered,
23:00
saying nothing, armed only with bird seed.
23:03
Then he disappears, leaving angry locals to deal with the
23:06
noise and mayhem. What on earth are you doing?
23:10
What an awfully strange hobby. You're really ruffling some
23:14
feathers around here, Mr. Birdman.
23:19
It's really just that line that got me.
23:22
You're really ruffling some feathers around here, Mr.
23:24
Birdman. She was.
23:27
She'd waited her entire life to deliver that lion to the
23:29
Birdman. OK, let me summarize this story
23:33
instead of watching this full clip.
23:35
There is a man in Australia who has mysteriously taken in the
23:39
middle of the night to dumping 2 large buckets of bird seed that
23:44
has attracted hundreds, hundreds of birds to this apartment block
23:50
and it's driving people crazy. There are flocks and flocks of
23:54
birds. Oh, there is a part where they
23:56
talk about how much shit is just everywhere.
24:00
Like hell just breaks loose. So many birds.
24:08
There could be the Pooh. Explosion going on for.
24:11
These poor residents. Does that mean you get pooed on
24:16
regularly? At one point in this video,
24:18
they, the the reporter does a, she pulls out a decibel meter
24:23
and they they take the like measure of how loud these birds
24:29
collectively are. And it's something I look
24:32
because I'm still getting a lot of Odyssey content.
24:37
He thought I was going to talk about it this episode and that
24:40
they measured the the decibel level of the Cyclops's scream
24:47
was 125 decibels, which is like one of the loudest in a in a
24:51
movie theater of any movie. The birds almost reached that.
24:57
So imagine that every morning you're just hearing essentially
25:01
the cyclops screech coming from the hundreds of birds that have
25:05
collected outside because some man just keeps coming and
25:08
dropping. Birds eat everywhere.
25:10
It's literally crazy. No, you kind of have to just to
25:15
do an Australian accent, you have to have kind of a, a throat
25:19
full of straight up testicles. There's something in the the
25:23
back of my throat and it sounds like I'm trying to swallow a big
25:30
fat load of cum. I am a sucker for a big fat load
25:35
of Australian cum though. I don't know if that is budgie
25:46
smugglers. At first I thought that was
25:48
Australian slang for like speedos, budgie smugglers.
25:54
I, I think it's a a brand of Australian speedos called budgie
26:01
smugglers. I'm beginning a lot of
26:03
Australian content, including this.
26:04
It's still a mystery. I guess they're working with
26:06
like local police to try to figure out what this guy's
26:09
motive is. They're saying that like it
26:11
maybe is a guy who is has like an X in the in the building and
26:19
is doing this as like vengeance or is being paid by someone to
26:23
like specifically that this is like a targeted attack or just
26:28
someone who loves birds. Is he a bird lover or is he a
26:32
complete galore Now you know, but we don't know.
26:37
And finally, in terms of what the heck is going on, did you
26:42
see that terrible national anthem?
26:45
One genre video that I'm always going to love is people singing
26:49
the national anthem in a way that is borderline offensive to
26:54
America, especially now. It's like, yeah, it's kind of an
26:56
act of resistance in many ways. And yeah, it's been hotly
27:00
debated whether this particular performance is an act of
27:04
resistance because it is so terrible.
27:06
It was at what is the WPBL? I don't.
27:11
Know. The Women's Pro Baseball League.
27:14
So yeah, we're not taking it too seriously over there.
27:17
I mean, they're not really shelling out for top talent to
27:21
come and perform the national anthem.
27:24
Oh, say, can you see by the time the light was so proud Me.
27:35
We hail at the twilight. Lastly, and the rocks.
27:47
Oh my God, I like it. At that point, the so there's
27:53
three women singing. One of them is kind of
27:56
dominating. She's going so far ahead of the
28:00
other two, but the other, the other two at one point just give
28:04
up and kind of let her take over.
28:07
Or the land of the tree and the hawk.
28:20
I've never felt more patriotic. Shout out, shout out, Patriot.
28:26
But yeah, no, I mean, that will sort of go on.
28:28
If I I think gay guy music video night should include that
28:32
rendition of the national anthem.
28:34
Forever should begin with that. I would love to know who, yeah,
28:38
who those people are. Women's Pro Baseball League gets
28:41
started with brutal national anthem remission.
28:45
Oh, she's like an 85 year old lady.
28:49
The Women's Pro Baseball League started Saturday with a game
28:52
between the Los Angeles Queens and the New York Heights, but
28:56
sports fans were seemingly drawn to the festivities before the
28:59
first pitch was thrown. Once I lock in.
29:03
Martha Reeves, the lead singer of the Motown group Martha and
29:07
the Vandellas. Wait, that's like a famous wait.
29:15
So these are not just three random ladies.
29:18
One of their hits. Oh right, dancing in the street.
29:21
Martha, Martha and the Vandellas.
29:24
She was among those who were tapped to sing the national
29:27
anthem before the game. So it's it was Martha from
29:30
Martha and the Vandellas, but then two just other ladies who
29:34
are not one of the Vandelas or two of the Vandelas.
29:39
OK, shut the fuck up. It was a sour tune to start an
29:42
otherwise historic night for women's baseball.
29:45
It was the first women's pro baseball game played in the US
29:47
in nearly 3 decades. Oh my God.
29:51
Oh so I guess women like kind of haven't been doing baseball
29:55
professionally. Softball.
29:56
It's different from. Baseball, right?
29:59
That's so true, 'cause women, you can't be doing hardball,
30:03
women can only be doing softball.
30:05
And now for the first time in apparently 30 years, women's
30:10
baseball is back. And that's how they kicked it
30:13
off. And I think it's beautiful and I
30:15
think fuck everybody who's making fun of it and fuck
30:19
everybody who's doesn't think that that is beautiful.
30:22
I think every rendition of the national anthem should be as
30:25
insane as that. And also she's 85 S like
30:31
everyone calm down. Like if you actually watch that
30:35
and think it's disrespectful, you're a loser.
30:38
Unfortunately, you are a big fat loser and it's like it's a song.
30:43
Everybody calm the fuck down. There was that other video a
30:46
couple weeks ago at like a baseball, or maybe it was a, a
30:50
World Cup game that they were performing at.
30:53
And this, this kid, this like teenager wasn't standing while
30:57
they sang the national anthem and some old ass man like
31:00
slapped him upside the head. And of course it was like that
31:04
video was clipped and it became just like a viral kind of
31:07
Rorschach test because half of the country viewed it and they
31:10
were like, fuck off, old man. And the other half were like,
31:14
it's it's time someone stood up for for for singing this song.
31:21
It's a song. It doesn't fucking matter.
31:23
I I get so whenever people like get upset about those stupid
31:26
little things, it's like we have bigger.
31:28
There's people that are dying. Kim moving on to the what the
31:37
Heck hotline, which is of course the number that anybody can call
31:40
to leave your what the heck of the week four O 7.
31:43
WTH Matt, whatever is making you say what the heck, Let's hear
31:47
this week's cola. Hi, hi Matt, this is Erica
31:51
calling from Boston, MA. I just wanted to call and say
31:56
what the heck to people that are driving in convertibles alone.
32:02
It's like so embarrassing. It's like OK, chill out.
32:06
Like why are you driving with the top down like alone like
32:11
don't you have any friends or it's just it makes me
32:14
uncomfortable but love you bye. OK, interesting, interesting,
32:25
interesting, interesting, I think.
32:28
Let me unpack this. I thought it was going in One
32:33
Direction very, very quickly into that phone call.
32:36
And then it kind of took a turn that I wasn't expecting.
32:40
So at first I thought you were just saying, why are people
32:42
driving convertibles? OK, Fairpoint, you know, not for
32:46
everybody. But then you kept talking and
32:50
you said convertibles alone, driving a convertible alone.
32:58
And I'm I am sort of fascinated by what you think is happening
33:03
with the addition of another person or multiple other people
33:07
that makes it acceptable. Is it like driving a convertible
33:13
should only be used as a type of like pickup method or or sort of
33:17
I think. There's like a collective joy
33:19
and like, woo Hoo, look at us. We we're all in this, but you're
33:22
doing it alone and it's like kind of pathetic.
33:27
OK can can a a single person not experience joy and whimsy What
33:31
are we living in the one night only universe where single
33:34
people are are you you oh you have to have a a fuck partner
33:38
you have to be married in order to drive with a convertible or
33:41
have. Friends.
33:43
Well, sure, but maybe you're just driving to the grocery
33:46
store and you want to have, you want to kind of go a little
33:48
crazy with it, Would it? Do you not roll the windows down
33:52
by yourself? There's there's something about
33:55
the roof being not there. I'm not.
33:57
I don't like that. You've put me in the position of
33:59
defending people with convertibles in the 1st place
34:03
'cause I think historically having a convertible was always
34:06
kind of a douchebag thing. So if you're doing it alone.
34:10
It's even more douchebag. Oh, so I guess Stuart Little is
34:15
a douchebag, huh? Oh, so I guess Stuart Little is
34:19
not allowed to drive with his convertibles top down in this in
34:23
this universe, apparently, because you will judge him for
34:26
it. No.
34:27
Yeah, I would say I'm not really thinking about people driving
34:30
convertibles that much. I'll tell you what, I've never
34:33
even been in a convertible. Yeah, I don't think it's that
34:37
common, actually. I, I feel like a convertible is
34:42
more of a, you know, it's kind of a rare type of vehicle to, to
34:48
spot. I just think I'm like, to me,
34:51
maybe it's the mood that I'm in currently of, of like, I think
34:55
it's why not let the top down feel the rain on your skin,
34:58
Whatever she said. Does she even talk about a
35:01
convertible in that song? Or is no moving on to my what
35:06
the hecks of the week, all the stuff that's making me say what
35:09
the heck I was going to do the 36 things that I'm regretting
35:15
about turning 36. But then I sort of thought, I
35:19
don't want to bring that energy into the beginning of my 36th
35:21
year. I don't want to sully turning 36
35:25
by just immediately bitching about how much I hate being this
35:28
age because I don't we're bringing joy.
35:31
We're we're putting the convertible top down in, in the
35:33
year 36 and I'm driving this bitch myself.
35:37
So we're not doing the things that I don't like about turning
35:39
36. We're just doing things that I
35:42
generally hate, starting with pharmaceutical brands that are
35:49
using existing songs as jingles. Cut that shit out.
35:56
What do you mean we're doing oh, oh, oh, Ozempic?
36:01
Was that a recognizable song? What whatsoever?
36:06
Was my rendition of it recognizable in any way?
36:08
Or is it Lookout? Because here I come.
36:11
That's what they're doing for Wigovi.
36:14
Wigovi. No, you cannot do that.
36:19
That is against the laws of jingles.
36:21
And yeah, is the main character in the One Night Only movie a
36:24
singer of of songs that are used in pharmaceutical ads?
36:28
Yes. But I will say that this was on
36:32
my list of what the hecks before I saw that film and I've been
36:36
meaning to complain about this for a long time.
36:38
One thing that RFK Junior does need to be doing, except
36:42
whatever the fuck he is doing, is getting rid of pharmaceutical
36:46
ads to begin with. Literally a crazy thing that you
36:51
there are some channels that you watch this is true on.
36:53
Like whenever I'm watching RuPaul's Drag Race on, it
36:56
changes every three months because they can't seem to pick
37:00
a damn place to air that show on.
37:02
Every commercial break is about 30 minutes of non-stop
37:06
pharmaceutical ads tell me about a disease I didn't even know
37:10
existed. Oh, I still don't know what the
37:12
fuck Skyrizi is, and I'm I'm not going to learn until I get
37:18
whatever ailment it's curing. I just don't think, I don't
37:22
think pharmaceuticals need jingles, first of all.
37:26
Second of all, if you're going to do a Jingle, write a goddamn
37:30
Jingle. Get your fucking big pharma
37:32
wallets out and pay a writer to actually make up a Jingle for
37:36
you. Bring back jingles.
37:39
We haven't had a good Jingle. If I hear the fucking Liberty
37:42
song one more time, I'm going to blow my brains out.
37:45
I need a new Jingle. I need new jingles.
37:48
I need other brands to to be introducing the Jingle.
37:53
Give us good mascot, give us good Jingle.
37:56
And it's never the good medications that you want
37:58
anyway. Where's the Mucinex monsters
38:01
Jingle? Give him a little song to sing
38:05
next. Filming strangers in public.
38:11
A lot of people are getting way too comfortable filming outright
38:14
strangers. Yeah, maybe they're doing
38:16
something crazy, maybe they're doing something they shouldn't.
38:19
But filming someone and then posting it on the Internet when
38:23
you can just. I I mean, a lot of the Internet
38:25
is just people who need to have friends and kind of talk to
38:29
people in their life. Text that to the group chat
38:32
instead of posting it on TikTok for, you know, 3 million people
38:36
to see. In the last couple weeks, there
38:38
was a new kind of couple that got caught making out with one
38:43
another, you know, were kind on what, a year since the Coldplay
38:48
couple and their lives kind of fell apart, all because they
38:51
were just like, kind of canoodling in public.
38:56
And people were like, OK, we, we should kind of put them to
38:59
death. The latest version is there was
39:03
this, this man and woman kind of making out on a bench in either
39:08
Central Park or Madison Square Park.
39:10
And this, I don't know, a loser Gen.
39:13
Z guy was like, he he went up to them and was like, there's kids
39:18
around, OK? People can't make out with one
39:21
another just when kids are around the kids, kids know what
39:25
making out is. But the way that the couple kind
39:27
of reacted when the guy, I mean, the guy didn't just say there's
39:31
kids around, you need to stop. He filmed them and put his phone
39:35
in their face and was like, there's kids around.
39:37
And the way that they did react when they saw the camera,
39:40
immediately everybody was like, oh, they're cheating with one
39:44
another. And it turns out they are.
39:50
I don't like this attitude that everybody, because you have a
39:53
phone in your hand, is able to be some type of kind of a
39:57
watchman, that you have the right to just record anybody you
40:01
want, post, post it on the Internet.
40:04
And then millions of people will shame someone just because you
40:07
personally didn't like what they were doing.
40:10
Like even if they were just fully blown cheating on their
40:13
spouses, that's not illegal. I mean, that's the thing about
40:18
the Coldplay people. It's like, OK, that they were
40:20
having an affair. I don't think she should have
40:23
lost her job over it. I think we need to get a little
40:26
bit better about sinning. Everybody go out and sin a
40:31
little bit. What's so bad about that?
40:35
It's like, OK, don't break the law, I guess, unless it's for a
40:39
good reason. But like, don't what?
40:42
Why? Yeah, everybody is being such
40:44
slick. What are you, my mom?
40:47
What? Are you Gen.
40:48
Gen. narc? Yeah, keep your mouth shut.
40:52
That's what that's what I learned as a kid.
40:55
Hey, don't tell anybody about this.
40:56
Don't tell your mom about this. Hey, this is just between us.
41:03
That's what they would say. They'd say no, Don't tell any
41:05
other adults about this. Next, I've seen a number of
41:13
videos of people preaching on airplanes, and you better knock
41:17
that shit off right now before I call Homeland Security on your
41:20
ass and they're taking us all out bazooka style.
41:24
I'm calling Dick Cheney and I'm saying you better.
41:27
You better launch those jets to take this plane out of the sky
41:31
because if you're preaching on an airplane, I'm already pissed
41:35
off. Now I'm in church.
41:38
No, there's one lady in particular and I'm hesitant to
41:42
even invoke her like vaguely because she like is she only did
41:49
this for attention. But it was this woman who got
41:54
kicked off of a flight recently. I think she is like a tik Toker
41:57
content creator who got kicked off of a flight because I guess
42:01
they were delayed for a little while and then she started she
42:05
started getting up and like preaching about Jesus.
42:09
I guess the connection was her saying like, maybe this is a
42:13
good thing, Like maybe this is Jesus looking out for us and
42:16
This is why you should accept him as your Lord and Savior
42:19
because like maybe he's protecting us from something bad
42:22
that was going to happen. And it's like, OK, first of all,
42:27
if this were anybody but a Christian person standing up,
42:30
they would have snipers aimed at at the airplane in 5 minutes or
42:35
less. Then the video continues.
42:37
She gets kicked off of the flight.
42:39
And I liked the energy that the flight attendant was giving her
42:42
'cause he was like, I'm not even engaging with you, I'm not
42:45
giving you anything, just get your shit and get off the
42:47
flight. And then she starts talking to
42:50
the police officers after she gets off the flight and she was
42:52
like, and I could tell the flight attendant was gay.
42:57
And so I don't think he liked that because he knew he's living
42:59
in sin. And the police officers also
43:03
were like, you could tell that they didn't give a shit about
43:07
like they weren't giving her anything.
43:09
Nothing a Christian loves more than kind of making themselves a
43:12
martyr. And finally my what the hey of
43:20
the week, the thing that's making me say, hey, it makes
43:25
sense, just go with it. My opposite of my what the hecks
43:29
this week. I mean, I'm still in Odyssey
43:31
mode. I'm still in ancient grace mode,
43:33
just finished Cersei by Madeline Miller, which I, I read it like
43:39
10 years ago or whenever it came out, 2018 maybe, and it didn't
43:43
quite hit when I read it this time around I I just read it
43:46
again and especially after seeing the Odyssey and seeing
43:50
Cersei in the Odyssey, it hit. It's a really great retelling of
43:56
the kind of story of Cersei. Cersei in the Odyssey's, you
44:01
know, the witch that turns Odysseus's men into pigs.
44:04
That's kind of all she is in the Odyssey and Madeline Miller
44:10
takes that story and makes it into this like really great,
44:14
beautiful kind of life story of Cersei.
44:17
So I do recommend that. I, I've seen some people online
44:20
being like kind of looking down on, Oh, you were inspired by the
44:25
Odyssey And rather than going and picking up like Homer, you,
44:30
you go and pick up like Cersei or Song of Achilles or
44:35
something. And it's like, shut the fuck up.
44:38
And also, if that's your like entry point into this world,
44:43
then great. If that gets someone excited
44:45
about then going and reading Homer after reading Cersei or
44:49
Song of Achilles or something, then that's good.
44:52
Don't be such a stuck up bitch about it.
44:57
Then the other thing that is really bringing me joy that I
44:59
forgot it was bringing me joy. It's House of the Dragon.
45:03
What a great, amazing show it's got.
45:06
It's got everything, People stabbing each other, Dragons
45:11
going fire boobies. Although there hasn't really
45:18
been that many boobies, not that I've seen.
45:21
I'm still behind. I'm going to try to catch up
45:23
before I think the season finale is this upcoming weekend, But
45:28
I'm going to try to catch up because I will say, I think last
45:32
week I was complaining about how I don't remember shit about
45:34
this, this series. I did have to go back.
45:37
I did have to start watching it from the beginning, but I did
45:40
that and now I'm all caught up and it's I forgot how much I
45:46
loved the show and like how great the actors are.
45:50
So yeah, shout out to House of the Dragon.
45:52
Big fan excited about the finale if it is in fact the finale
45:55
week. And that's it for this week's
45:58
episode. Thank you for listening.
46:00
Thank you for watching. If you're watching, which you
46:02
should be, make sure you leave a comment review only if it's
46:07
nice. I don't want to hear your shit.
46:10
Call into the what the heck hotline, keep on listening, keep
46:13
on reviewing, keep on sharing and that's it.
46:16
We'll see you next week. Bye.
46:19
This has been an episode of what the heck with Matt Bellicide.
46:22
You can call and leave us a voicemail about what's making
46:24
you say what the heck this week and you might be featured on a
46:27
future episode. Call us at 407-984-6288.
46:32
That's four O 7 WTH Matt what the heck with Matt Bellicide's
46:35
produced by same boat studios and Bellicide productions.
46:39
It's hosted by me Matt Bellicide.
46:41
Our executive producers are Rabria Lewis, Barry Finkel and
46:44
me, Matt Bellisai. Erica Glass is our senior
46:46
producer. Our video editors are Matt
46:48
Bellisai and Erica Glass. Production designed by Erica
46:50
Glass, Matt Bellisai and Barry Finkel.
46:52
Our theme music is courtesy of epidemicsound.com.
46:55
Special thanks to Truffles Bellisai.